Chapter 10, Something; New, Borrowed and True Blue
True blue~ they support something or someone completely.
"I soar blindly through the darkest nights. Unsure of the blackest fate I set in motion. I answer to no one but my own guilt. For I alone forge my reality of the club. No one sees it's fraudulent cover for what I really am. I am the creator of the monster I can no longer contain."
"Jesus Christ." John's words meant more to me now than they ever had before. It was on page two hundred just like Kyle said it was.
"I'm ready." Abel had his pictures and scotch tape in his little hands. Today my son would get some closure to many problems to come throughout his life. I checked my watch one more time, then my phone. Kyle had apparently made his decision and it wasn't the one I hoped for.
"Let's go then." After I gathered up Thomas' stuff and we took off to town with Rat riding behind us.
Abel handled it better than I expected he would. We went to different places around town and taped up George's picture. He did most of it himself. Except he had trouble with the tape. A few wads of it got thrown away.
"Mommy, I found him."
"Oh, baby. We talked about this yesterday. George isn't….son of a bitch."
"George." Abel went running as quickly as his little legs would carry him. He threw his arms around the puppy's neck and placed a peck on its nose. "I love you, George. Don't run away no more. You got bigger since you were lost."
"He got bigger because he ate lots of food on his way home."
"Oh. Can I lead George around, Kyle?"
"Sure, buddy. Just don't go too far down the street, Okay?"
"Okay, I won't. Come on George."
"How did you.."
"I couldn't disappoint the boys and I couldn't tell Cody the truth. So I bought another one. But wait until they figure out George is a girl." Kyle shrugged his shoulders. "It's the best I could do."
"That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard. I guess we will deal with George's sex identity crises when we come to it."
"Tara, we need to go. Jax won't like this."
"What did you just say to me, Rat?"
"I'm just following Jax's orders." Rat was like everyone else. If he didn't do as Jax wanted, he would suffer the consequences of it.
"Get out of her face. If Jax has got a problem with it, he can take it up with me."
"Kyle, it's okay. We will see you later. Abel, come on baby. Rat, we will be there in a minute. Let Abel say goodbye." Rat just stood there totally ignoring what I had said to him. "I said, we will be there in a minute. If I need to call Jax myself and tell him you are interfering in a joyous moment for his son, I will. Since, my son doesn't get many of those, I will throw one hell of a bitch fit."
"Five minutes, Tara." Rat finally stepped away. He lit up a smoke and sat on his bike.
"So, daddy cut you off from me? Nice."
"It's a long story. I will explain it all later. Wayne and I will meet you at the hospital." I took Kyle's hand and pressed a small piece of paper in it. "This is my number for a burner phone. Call me on it from now on. I've got a lot of eyes on me and I can't be too careful." When I let go he didn't until we heard Abel.
"Mommy, can we take George to the park?"
"Not today, baby. We have to go so you need to say goodbye."
A couple of gentle pats on the head was given to George by Abel. "Be good George and do what Kyle tells you to. I'll see you tomorrow. I love you." It warmed my heart to listen to my son speak to the puppy. It was some of the same things I said to him almost daily.
But what Abel did next, neither one of us expected. "Bye, Kyle. I love you." Abel hugged Kyle's legs and you could tell he wasn't sure how to handle it either.
"I'll see you later, buddy." Kyle ran his hand over the top of Abel's head. It was enough to please my son because he took my hand and was ready to go.
Rat stayed right behind us all the way to the clubhouse. As soon as Abel's feet touched the ground he ran in Gemma's direction.
"Grandma, we found George."
"Wow, sweetheart." Gemma looked at me and I shook my head not to say anything farther about it.
"What are you doing today?"
"I start back at the hospital on Monday. I've got tons of paperwork to catch up on. I appreciate you watching them."
"No problem, mom. Just be careful."
"Oh, I will."
Wayne came out of his trailer when he seen us. "Wayne is taking me to the hospital, I won't need you to go Rat."
"I have to go with you, Tara."
"No, you don't." I called the only one Rat would listen to.
"Jax, I need to go to the hospital today to get some work done. Wayne will be with me. You know I can't have the club there. You said you wanted to fix this, start here."
"Let me talk to Rat." I handed the phone to him. He paced around while he talked to Jax. Shortly, Rat handed me back my phone.
"Be careful, babe. I love you."
"I love you too."
Rat continued to follow us all the way through the parking lot. "I used to be a real cop, you know. I'm sure I can manage to get Tara to the truck." Wayne was being sarcastic but it was kind of cute. "I can't get no damn respect around here, I swear."
"Me and you both, Wayne."
"I got a chemo treatment today. So, it all works out. But you might have to drive us back. They make me sick sometimes."
"Okay. I shouldn't be gone long."
"You know when Jax finds out you're meeting this fella. The shit is gonna hit fan."
"The shit already has, Wayne."
We didn't speak anymore on the ride to the hospital. We took the elevator up to my office. He was waiting for us in the spot I told him to be at.
"Wayne this is Kyle. Kyle this is Wayne."
"How ya doing?"
"Good."
It was all they had to say to one another. "This is the number to the phone I will have with me. Don't give it to anybody. Thanks, for your help on this, Wayne."
"You're carrying a burner phone now? Man, the shit just keeps getting deeper around here." Wayne was still muttering to himself when he rounded the corner.
"Why are you carrying two phones for, Tara?"
"Let's go inside my office and I will tell you." After I closed the doors so no one else could hear our conversation. I told Kyle about everything that happened while he was gone. He ignored most of what I said or chose to just not comment on it.
"The first thing we do is teach you how to defend yourself."
"What?"
"Someone wants you dead, Tara. There may not be anyone around the next time. You need to know how to defend yourself."
Our conversation was interrupted by a knock on my door. Since, no one knew I was actually here. It worried me. "I'll get it." Kyle yanked the door open.
Only to find a mortified Margret standing there looking up at the big man. "Um.."
"Hey, Margret. This is my boss."
"Um.." Was all she said for a moment. She stuck her hand out to Kyle. "I'm Margret, Margret Murphy."
"It's nice to meet you, Margret, Margret Murphy." She giggled when she shook his hand. I let out a little giggle of my own to that one.
"I'll wait outside for you, Tara."
"Okay, Kyle."
"Who is that nice looking young man?"
"He's just a friend. Did you need something?"
"Jax called asking if you were here. I told him you were and asked if he wanted me to page you. But he just hung up."
"That little shit. Jax is checking up on me. Do me a favor, if he calls back. Tell him you're not sure if I'm here. You will have to check. Then call me on the other line before you give him an answer." I wrote my number down for her to my burner too.
It made me smile when I tossed my cell phone in my desk drawer. They could track it all day long if they wanted to. All that would come up is the hospital location.
Margret turned her head to one side as we walked behind Kyle towards the elevators.
"Shame on you, Margret. Are you checking him out?"
"Don't be ridiculous. Of course I am, he has a nice rear end." She giggled again before she took off.
When the elevator doors closed, I pushed the button to take us back down to the main lobby. "You got no idea the effect you have on women, do you?"
"What?" He seemed more confused by I what I said rather than flattered by it. It was meant as the ultimate compliment, he got to Margret.
"Never mind, Kyle. I was starting to think you weren't going to show up today."
"I was starting to think the same thing. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have."
"We need to find the car and go from there."
"Does anyone else know? What about Nero? I don't want to keep shit from him, Tara. He's always been straight up with me."
"I don't want to tell Nero until we know for certain. We need to stop at the Lodge, Lowen is meeting me there. To see what we can do about getting our business started up again." It's not like I didn't have a trust in Nero. Or even remotely thought he had anything to do with it. But I didn't want to get him involved if I was wrong about it.
Kyle wasn't real talkative. He would answer me if I initiated the conversation but that was it. It wasn't the same between us as before. I'd say he accomplished his goal and put distance there. You couldn't always have everything, at least he showed up. It was a start.
Lowen already made it by the time we got there. She and Nero were having coffee together.
"Thanks for doing this, Lowen. Is there anything we can do to get up and running again?"
"We can file appeals to buy time. But in the end, only getting a judge to sign off on it; stating they found no illegal actives on the premises. It's the only way to get the Lodge reinstated to good standing. Unfortunately, it could all blow back on you and Nero if it goes public."
"How, my name doesn't appear anywhere? I'm a silent partner and never signed any paperwork."
"Tara, you own this property. You came to my office and signed it with Jax."
"No, I didn't. The only thing I signed is for the lease here. Wouldn't it just make me the landlord? I will be ruined if this gets out. I'll never be able to get a job at any respectable hospital again."
"You signed for ownership, leasing the property to the club. You own everything, the warehouse included they use for storage for the extra Harley parts. Didn't you read it?"
"No I didn't. I trusted Jax when he said it was just a lease and we were in a hurry that day."
"Tara, it all ties you back to the club and their activities. Whatever comes up with them, is always going to have your name on it and lead back to you. I thought you knew and understood what you were signing. Jax said he explained all of it to you."
"Yeah, I bet he did. Will you excuse me for a minute?"
Nero followed after me and I didn't want to stop. But he made me. "Hey, mama. I will take full responsibility. None of this will land on you."
"That's the problem, Nero. You are willing to put yourself in jeopardy to save me. While my husband just pushes me down deeper in the shit."
Before the mirror in the restroom I stood trying to calm myself. There was so much going on around me I never seen or maybe wasn't paying close enough attention to it. What else had Jax done right in my face and I missed?
The woman I wanted to be and woman I become, were two totally different people. On certain days I knew exactly what I was doing and what the plan was. On others anymore I winged it the best I could to make it through another day. When I took a good look; I didn't even recognize myself any longer.
"I can do this. I've got to do this for my boys' sake. You channel it from down deep if you have to and you do what you gotta do."
It was more of a pep speech for myself to continue on and not to give up. Do not surrender yet. Do not let them think I was too weak to handle this shit. I let out a couple of deep breaths before I went back out there.
"In all fairness to Jax. He came to me, Tara and took out a life insurance policy for you and the boys. In some ways he's trying to protect you by leaving you everything if something should happen to him."
"Jax doesn't have a policy I know of."
"Tara, I'm not trying to defend Jax. But after you the two of you got married he wanted to make sure you had enough money just in case something does happen. I think in his mind by making you the owner of everything, he is trying to take care of you too. I did warn him however, of the consequences if something went wrong and it left you open for exposure. There is a way to make it look like Nero is just a renter of the property if we back date some paperwork and he is willing to do so."
"I'll have to ask Nero if he will. Where did they go?"
"They went towards the back."
The door was cracked to Nero's office. At first I went to knock until I overheard what they were talking about.
"Kinda puts you at odds with your step kid asking me to be your best man, doesn't it?"
"I asked Jax first. He basically told me to go fuck myself. He is not even coming to the wedding. I didn't tell Gemma about it because it would crush her. I want it to be her special day and I don't want her to feel like she has to choose between me and Jax. I hope she wouldn't ever make me choose between her and Lucius, he's my blood. Besides, you can walk down the aisle with Tara. Gemma is gonna ask her to stand up there with her."
"As much as I would like to man, I can't."
"Kyle, at some point you're gonna have to deal with this shit and tell her. I see the way you look at her. It's the same way I look at Gemma."
"I don't know what you're talking about, Nero."
"Yes you do. You've turn down so much free pussy here it should be a crime. There's only two reasons a man does that. You already got Lyla questioning her sexiness. She's starting to take bets you're gay. But she's pretty convinced she can fuck you straight though and I don't think she is gonna give up any time soon."
"Yeah, I kind of got that vibe from Lyla."
Since I couldn't stand to listen to any more of their man talk about pussy, I knocked on the door. "Am I interrupting?"
"Nah, I'm just waiting on the shit head, here. To say he is gonna be my best man."
"I will if Tara will give me one dance at the wedding."
"I can do that."
"Then I'm there, Nero. You got a best man."
"Good, now that's settled. What do you need, Tara?"
"Can you come talk to me and Lowen for a minute, Nero?"
"With a little creative accounting, I think we can manage to clear name Tara's name on this. Are you willing, Nero?" Lowen had a page full of notes of things she would have to do.
"Yeah, whatever we gotta do."
"I want to sell it. Split the profits fifty, fifty with Nero."
"Tara, you don't gotta do that."
"I want to, Nero. Lowen, do whatever you need to do then, I want it sold."
"I'll call you both when I get it ready. I need to go, I'm due in court in an hour."
"Don't tell Jax I know about this. I've got a better way to handle it. Thanks, Lowen."
When we got in the truck my mind was going off in so many different directions to even make one complete thought. Rattled didn't even begin to cover it.
"Do you want to talk about it, girl?"
"Not really."
We drove out to the middle of nowhere. Kyle set cans up on a rock and gave me his hand gun.
"I already know how to shoot a gun."
"Then show me you do."
After several attempts, I got really frustrated. "Fuck."
"Let me show you the right way to do it." He hit them all with every single shot he made. He went and set them all up again for me.
"You're too stiff, Tara. Don't be afraid of the gun. Loosen up your stance." I tried it but still I didn't hit shit.
"You're gripping it too hard. It's not a dick. Hold it firm but let it breathe in your hand." There were two more shots wasted when I was done.
"When you fire it, do it on the exhale breath. If you do it when you inhale, you jerk the gun and miss your target." It was the same effect no matter what I tried, I missed the damn thing.
Kyle stood behind me. He adjusted my legs to not be so far apart. His one hand went under my own to hold the gun study. The other went over my heart. "It's the adrenaline coursing through your veins because you're too excited; it makes you shaky, your blood flows faster and it speeds up your heart rate. Get your body and breathing under control as one. They need to react together when you fire a weapon. Think of it like making love to it. Enjoy the feel of it in your hands. How the cold hard steel excites against your warmth. Savor every second leading up to the passionate eruption. When you cock it back, know it will go off at your command. At the perfect, precise moment. When you can't hold it any longer and need the release, let it go."
Well, that shit didn't help my heart rate any. If anything, it sped it up to go faster. So close to my ear, Kyle almost whispered it to me. "Tara, breathe." His hand slipped down to my abdomen and he pushed in on it. To force me to take shallower breaths. "Do it with me; in and out slowly." After a few times of doing it, I had it under control finally.
"Good, I'm going to let go now. When you're ready on an exhale, fire it."
There was no containing my excitement. "Did you see that? I hit it."
"You did great. That's enough for today. We should get going." He didn't seem excited like me at all and he wouldn't even look at me.
"Kyle, what's wrong?"
"Nothing."
It went to complete silence between us. Kyle said absolutely not one word to me on the way to the port. I took him by Baroksy's bakery first. But he wasn't there. So we went to Collette's.
"What do we do now?"
"We wait until hopefully we see something." It wasn't much he said but it was something.
Hours passed by with not much activity at the Madame's place and nothing spoken between us either. The quiet was awkward and killing me.
"When are you going to tell me what's wrong with you, Kyle?"
"After I help you do this, Tara. I'm out."
"Well, isn't that just nice. Run away Kyle. Maybe you should do it today and not wait until we find out."
"Didn't you see Abel? My being around is only confusing him. I can't do that to him. Don't get me wrong, I think Jax is a punk ass bitch. But they are still his kids. I've had mine taken away from me, I know how it feels."
"What I saw today was a little boy excited to see you. Abel doesn't really have anyone constantly in his life except me and Gemma. We're the ones he is around pretty much daily. Abel lacks a bond with Jax because Jax doesn't put forth much effort in to it. He is always gone with more important things to do and makes promises to Abel he never carries through on. I know he loves our son the best he can. But it is going to be the same outcome with Jax and Abel if you're around or not. Unless Jax does something to fix it with his son. You have nothing to do with it."
Always the noble one. Kyle was concerned for my child and what it would do to Abel. There was still more going on with Kyle though. A lot of weight was coming down on him of guilt, missing his son and things in his own life. Finally, after coaxing him, I got him to open up to me.
"We both already know how this is going to go down. Jax is never going to allow you to be around me again. You'll have to sneak around and always be looking over your shoulder just like you are today. Every time you're with me. I won't be your dirty little secret too, Tara."
Since we had nothing but time on our hands and to kill. We talked about life. All my concerns for my children and the life they were bound to lead. What life would truly hold for them. The time Kyle missed out on from his son's life. Even about our childhood and how we wanted more for our children than what we had.
"There are worse things, Tara. Than having a shitty father. Jax at least acknowledges the boys are his. Mine never did me. My mom refused to ever talk about him. I was nine years old and completely lost without her. She was all I had. My step dad set me down and told me the truth because my mom gave him full custody of me if something happened to her. My real dad was married at the time with a family already and he didn't want me. He knocked her up and moved on with his life. I was just a dirty little secret they all buried like it was nothing. I was so angry with my mom for a long time for not telling me. When I got older I realized she was only trying to protect me from it. She did what she thought was right at the time. The same way I try to protect Zac by what I think is right."
It took me a long time to process what Kyle said. No words could fix that shit. From his perspective, Jax was at least there for my boys. He still had a lot to figure out but it gave me hope he would do it before it was too late.
"There's the car."
We followed it to see where it went to. The cop car had made its rounds past the Madame's place and drove on. The licenses plate was the same as in the picture, car number nine.
It met Barosky down by the docks. Where it picked him up at. We followed it around to other various places too. A couple of fancy houses and only Barosky went up to the door when they stopped. I wrote down all the addresses to find out who he visited. Once it dropped Barosky back off, we decided to leave.
It was more silence between us on the way back. The silence was the good part when someone came up on us very quickly and hit us from behind. Once they started firing, it all went to shit.
"Get your head down." Kyle pushed me down on the seat. There was a gun under the seat and the one in the glovebox I used earlier. I couldn't see what was going on around us. It almost threw me to the floor board when he slammed on the brakes.
"If anybody gets near the truck, you kill them." He left me a gun and disappeared. Shots were ringing out everywhere. The back glass came in on top of me when it was shattered by a bullet.
The truck door opened and I didn't hesitate to fire. "Oh shit. Oh shit."
"You shot me, you fucking shot me." I couldn't say Kyle was any happier about the situation than I was. He ripped the gun out of my hand. "Give me that." He took his shirt off and let out a long string of cuss words. Then held his shirt on his side.
"We need to get you to the hospital."
"I just shot at fucking cops. Do you really think that's a good idea? It a whole lot of explaining I don't want to do. Dirty or not, it's still a federal offense to try to kill a god damn cop. We got no proof of shit. It's my word against theirs."
"I'm sorry. It was an accident. I didn't mean too. I did it on the exhale like you taught me."
"Seriously?"
Kyle wouldn't let me near him. "Will you just let me look?"
"No."
"I can patch you up. I got to get the stuff from the hospital. Will you just get in the truck, Kyle?"
Nero was the first person I called. He was going to let Gemma know what happened then we would meet up at her house.
"Stay here, I'll get what I need and let Wayne know."
"Where in the hell do you think I'm going to go, Tara?"
Quickly I grabbed my cell phone out of my desk and raided the medical supply room. Wayne was sitting outside still waiting for me.
"What's the rush, Tara?"
Since Wayne wanted to know I showed him. "Jesus Christ, who shot you, son?"
"Tara."
Wayne had his mouth open. "Bad day?"
"It was a fucking accident. We'll take Kyle to Gemma's house. Let me park his truck in the garage so no one knows he's there. Then you park behind us in the driveway."
We got him up the stairs before Nero and Gemma got there. But they weren't alone when they came. Rat was hanging around outside.
"You brought Rat with you. What the hell, Gemma?"
"I didn't bring Rat, he followed us. I had to tell him something or he will call Jax. I don't think you want that shit to happen. As far as Rat knows, you and Wayne are having dinner with us. You miss Jax so much, you are spending the night here with the boys. That better be the exact story you tell Jackson too. If you nark me out to my son, I will never help you again." Gemma made it perfectly clear to me what would happen. It wasn't like I could tell Jax any of it so it didn't really matter much now.
"Are you okay?" It was time to get on with it and tend to the patient.
"Just get the bleeding to stop and I'll be fine." If I would have been an inch over, I would have missed him completely. Unfortunately, it wasn't. But the good news was, it only hit muscle and went clear through. The bleeding was the worst part of it for him. He had already lost a lot of blood.
Blood never bothered me before. I'd had my hands in it a million times and then some. When I was putting the gloves on I was shaking so badly. I couldn't get the one on and ripped it. "Fuck." I threw it down and got another.
"Maybe I can help." Nero offered to but there was little he could do.
There was little I could do in this state of mind. It had been months since I operated or done medical practice of any kind. The smell of the blood was making me sick. I swallowed it down hard and tried to focus on the task at hand.
The needle was ready for me to pull the syringe when the light reflected off the scars on my hand. I had so many scars from this life I wore already. This was no time to have a break down. It would have to be put on the back burner for later.
Kyle grabbed my hand before I went to inject his side because I couldn't stop shaking. "I really need you to be steady with that, girl. Just breathe." Several attempts at it didn't help. "Tara, do it with me." We did it together until I had control of myself again. He must have felt I was to because he let go of my hand.
When I went to throw the syringe away, Nero was staring at us in disbelief. "I haven't done this for a while." It was my excuse I gave him anyway.
The rest of it fell in place. I was in my comfort zone again with what I was doing. I had him stitched up fairly quick. Once the bandage covered his wound I was done.
"I'm going to get cleaned up."
My head went in the toilet bowl as soon as I got in the bathroom. I sat on the floor after I wet a cool rag for my face. When I could stand up without the room spinning I went to find the boys.
"How did you get a boo boo, Kyle?"
"I fell down."
"I got one on my knee. See." Abel took the little band aid off for visual effects. It was barley a scratch but he insisted it needed one. "Mommy kissed it and made it all better."
"Mommy is pretty cool isn't she?"
"Yeah, except for when she makes me take a bath. And eat peas, I hate peas."
"Abel, let's go find Grandma."
"Then come back, Tara. We got some things to talk about." Nero was firm when he said it. I could imagine he had a question or two about today's events.
Gemma was keeping Abel busy for me. So I could get our talk over with.
"What happened?" When we didn't say anything, Nero got a little louder. "Well, don't everybody talk at once."
We ran down the list of events. What Wayne found out, what took place on the way home and the suspicions we had.
"Neither one of you two felt the need to share this shit with me? Here's how the trust thing works. I trust you with stuff and you trust me. Are we clear from this point forward?"
Kyle and I agreed with Nero we would tell him everything from now on. There was only one person we had to keep out of the loop until we knew for sure; Jax. They also made the decision I would stay out of it and not go back to the docks anymore because they felt it was too dangerous.
"I'll do that. As long as you both promise me, no matter what happens or what you find out. You will not withhold any information from me. You'll tell me the whole truth even if it hurts me." Nero and Kyle said they would. I had to trust them to do so too now.
"I should get out of here." Kyle went to get up from Gemma's bed and wobbled a bit.
"You need to rest. Blood loss makes you weak."
"I can't stay here. It just puts Gemma in the middle of this shit with Jax. Then she has to hide the fact and lie about being around me too. Just like you do, Tara." Those were some harsh true words coming out of Kyle's mouth.
"You let me worry about that, sweetheart. I can handle Jackson. You can stay here tonight and let Tara take care of you. Then you can go home tomorrow. Do wanna help me fix some dinner, Tara?" Gemma always makes her appearance at the right time it seemed.
We made Kyle stay put. Gemma gave him one of Clay's old shirts I would assume to cover his wound up with.
While we cooked I decided to ask Gemma some more about John. "Who was the ninth member of the club?"
"Clay, why?"
"Then the serpent member Clay slithered his way in and brought the poison and evil to the club. The nine pieces were then soldered together."
"What the hell are you talking about, Tara?"
"They came to John and he told you about it, didn't he?" It was best to get down to the point of what I truly wanted to know about.
"I don't know what you're even talking about."
"Come off of it, Gemma. Everything John did was focused around the crows; SAM CROW, crow eaters, even the crow tattoos the old ladies wear to show unity. He's been gone a lot of years and you always get a new crow when the others have passed. I think it's your way of holding on to a piece of him."
"What's this new fascination you got with John? You and Jax have John up on a pedestal like he is a god and he was far from it. You think you got it bad living with Jackson. You got no idea. Imagine taking your sick baby to the hospital and when you get home you find your old man in your bed with another woman. He did it in our bed with her. She was supposed to be watching Jackson for me while I was gone. Instead I come home to find her fucking John. He didn't even think I should be upset about it. He told me he just need a release and it meant nothing. So I should just get over it. That's the day, I decided no bitch will ever touch my man in front of me again. I would have killed her if it hadn't been for Clay. But he was just as fucked up with it all as I was."
"Why was Clay fucked up because of it?"
"She only offered to babysit Jackson so she could get to John behind our backs. She was Clay's old lady at the time, she didn't love him either. She was in love with John. Clay immediately dumped her, but John didn't. He kept a thing going with her on the side. Three months later, she got pregnant. Clay was the one who convinced her doing anything against John or the club would be very bad shit to come down on her. Clay could have set fire to it but he didn't. He did it to protect me and my boys. So I could keep my family together."
"Jesus Christ, Gemma. Jax has another sibling he doesn't know about?"
"She lost the baby and moved away. I still had to live here in this town and face those who knew about it. They never look at you the same way again. It's a respect you gotta earn back. I couldn't look at John the same way anymore either. Everyone only talks about all the bad shit Clay did. But he did some good things too."
"Is that why you got closer to Clay? It was to even the score with John?"
"Men cheat for straight up pussy. Women cheat because they lack something at home. I lacked a lot with John for a very long time before I finally gave in to Clay."
"Did John…" I didn't even get out my sentence before Gemma cut me off.
"I'm gonna give you some really good advice, sweetheart. Stop chasing dead men and crows that don't really exist. Fuck the shit outta Kyle only once and get past it. Jackson can't say shit about it because he knows he's got it coming. Why do you think John never confronted Clay when he knew we were sleeping together? Because John had it coming too. You'll never get past Jackson cheating on you until you find what your lacking from him and satisfy it. Then you bury that shit down deep and get your head on straight. Go home be a good wife to my son and a good mom to my grandsons."
"Men are not collectibles, Gemma. You only get one."
"After you've lived with Jackson for twenty years and taken his shit. Tell me that then."
Gemma's personality changed quickly. As soon as she went to the dining room table and set the plate down. She got past what we just talked about and it was over for her.
"Tara, are you bringing the rolls in, sweetheart?"
"I give up. They are all fucking insane."
After dinner Wayne left. He wasn't feeling well. I went to get the boys down for the night. Gemma had a room setup for them already. I would sleep in there with them. Kyle took the couch. We were all exhausted and ready to get some sleep.
I must have been really tired because both the boys were gone when I woke up. They usually didn't move unless I knew it. Gemma had Thomas. Abel was sitting on the couch with Kyle. They were eating Captain Crunch watching cartoons.
The more I watched them together, I started worried. Abel seemed so happy with him. They were laughing at the same time about those silly cartoons.
"Gemma, do you think it screws Abel up being around Kyle?"
"It's no different than Abel spending time around Happy, Nero or Tig. Maybe it's not how attached Abel is to Kyle that scares you so much, sweetheart."
Since Gemma wasn't any help on the subject. I went to dress Kyle's wound then she would take us home.
"You know, girl. There are easier ways to tell me you don't want to be friends any more other than shooting me."
"I thought you covered that subject, Kyle by saying you're out after this is over."
Kyle wouldn't comment back. He put his shirt on and got ready to leave. "Don't go anywhere." I blurted it out of the blue.
"I've surrendered to the fact, Tara. The more distance I try to put between us, the closer we get. I'm not going anywhere. As soon as I leave here, I'm going to get the glass fixed in my truck. Then spend the day with Cody. I'll call you later."
Gemma took us to the house. We made a list of things to do for the wedding. When it came to her dress she wouldn't budge.
"I don't wear dresses. Its what Rose made me wear when I was a kid. A lady wears dresses only. It would please her for me to have a traditional ceremony with a dress. So, I won't be doing that shit." Gemma stayed for a couple of hours until she went to meet Nero.
Phil was my guard dog for the day. I asked him if he minded to watch the boys while I took a quick shower. He was always good with them and didn't care.
The hot water felt good running down over my body. All my muscles were tense from so much stress lately. I jumped when I heard the shower door shut. He was home early.
Jax stood there just looking at me. We stared at each other for a long time. Neither one of us making a move forward towards the other. Until his fingers brushed the wet hair out of my face and pushed it behind my ear.
"I've done a lot of thinking this weekend. It doesn't matter what you've done with Kyle. I wanna be with you and get past this. I get it, I haven't been a good husband to you and you deserve more than that. I'll try to be a better man. I'm not saying I won't fuck up from time to time cause we both know I will. It's what I've been most of my life, a fuck up. I need to know I've still gotta chance to make shit right with you. You don't gotta answer me tonight. You…"
Since Jax attempted to make the first move to bring us closer, I made the next one by reaching out to him. We stood holding each other under the water until we were wrinkly. There was no need for words to be spoken.
SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~ SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA
"Are you coming?"
"No. She will use Nero up and spit him out when she's done with him. Their marriage is a joke and it won't last."
"Everyone said the same thing about us Jax. We won't last either; the outlaw and a doctor. Gemma is not perfect but none of us really are. I would be devastated if Abel or Thomas ever treat me the way you are your mother."
"My whole life has been a lie because of her. She's the one who put my old man in the ground. I can't go."
Gemma made me her matron of honor. The boys and I went out to the grounds along with Kyle and Lyla and decorated it up for them. I had to get their early to finish up and help Gemma get ready. I would not disappoint her.
"I love you, Jax. I really do. But you can be selfish sometimes and not think about what you do to other people. I am asking for once, put what is best aside for yourself for just one night and do the right thing."
Nitta was already here just in case Jax changed his mind and went with me. I waited by the door for almost ten minutes, then gave up. "Let's go, Gemma." There was no way in hell, I was going to be late.
If Jax wanted to be stubborn, then so be it. He didn't as much as speak to Gemma when she got there. I was to get her there on time and Kyle would Nero.
On the drive there I occupied my mind with a check list of what I had to still do before the ceremony. Since Rat, had been my shadow lately. I put his ass to work as soon as we arrived.
Most of it was done and it looked good too. Gemma chose red, black or white for everything. The red floor stood out around the black table clothes and wooden dance floor. We strung large red and white lanterns around to light everything up with later.
The mock arch they built for Nero and Gemma to stand under when they exchanged their vows was covered in red and white roses. Just like Gemma wanted.
Rat took orders well actually. He placed all the flower arraignments around and on the tables too. The caters were already setting up the food line and bar. Only one more thing to check on before I went to get the bride ready.
"Where's the groom?"
"The last time I seen him, he was drinking and pacing around."
Drinking didn't even start to describe it. Nero and Kyle were out by his truck getting shit faced.
"What the hell are you guys doing?"
"Nero's a little nervous. So were hanging out getting loaded."
"Nero is getting married in less than an hour. You guys still have to get ready and he needs to be able to stand up when it's time to say I do."
"He's just scared, Tara. Love is such a fickle bitch. You crave it, gotta have it but yet it scares the hell out of you. Stop worrying, girl. I'll have Nero there on time." I wish I could have shared Kyle's confidence in the matter.
"There's the handsome groom. Is everything okay?"
"What if I don't make Gemma happy? I don't know shit about being a husband. What if she leaves me, Tara? I don't think I could take it." Nero was on a melt down with pre-wedding jitters. Completely unsure what path love would end up taking them down. Just like everyone else was when they blindly took the leap of faith in love.
I gently took his face in my hands. "Nero, just breathe." He took in a couple of deep breaths.
"Yeah, okay. How's my bride? Is Gemma stressed out? Is she talking about not going through with it?"
"Not at all. Gemma is excited. She is counting down the minutes until she becomes your wife."
It was enough to get Nero moving in the right direction. "I guess I better get dressed. It'll take me an hour to get in those tight ass wranglers Gemma bought me."
Gemma bought Nero and Kyle a very tight pair of wranglers and a simple button down long sleeve black shirt to wear. Her theory was those jeans showed off their best attribute and she liked to look at their asses. It was her day and I went along with whatever in the hell she wanted.
They setup a small tent off to the side for Gemma to use to get ready. It was the first time, I ever seen her in one. She chose a black halter dress. Hers came down to mid-thigh and was more flowing. My black halter dress was short and clingy but basically matched hers.
"I'm too old for this shit." Gemma looked in the full length mirror after it got it tied around her neck.
"You look beautiful, Gemma. You still got a rockin bod and definitely the tits to pull it off. All that matters is the man who will be out there waiting for you. Nero will be there every day to love you for the rest of your life."
"Yeah, I guess I do." The mention of just his name soften her face when she smiled.
"I got you a present. Here is your something new."
When we bought the dresses, she seen a pair of diamond earrings she wanted. They were gold with a diamond heart dangling from them. She wouldn't spend the money on it. So, I went back and bought them the next day along with the necklace that matched them.
Gemma began to cry after she opened the box. "Thank you, sweetheart."
"Here is your something borrowed."
"Jackson gave you this for your eighteenth birthday."
"Yeah, he did." It brought back a lot of memories when I clipped the bracelet around her wrist. Jax pledged his forever love to me on that day.
"One last thing, something blue."
"My son makes me blue, does that shit count?"
The box was old I took out of my bag. I ran my hands over the top of it when I handed it to Gemma. "It was my mothers. She wore it when she got married. I always thought I would wear it on my wedding day. Since, I won't ever get to, I want you to have it."
Gemma took the blue laced garter out of the box and put it around her leg. "Are you sure you don't want it back?"
"No, I don't." It was the last piece of holding on to my mom I had left. Today was a new start on getting past it.
We heard a loud whistle from behind us. "You ladies look beautiful. It's time, Tara."
"Here's your bouquet, Gemma." I hugged her before I left with Kyle and took his arm.
"Are you ready to do this, girl?" Kyle kept leaning as we were walking.
"How much did you guys have to drink?"
"A shit load."
It was time for the bride to make her appearance. Once Nero seen Gemma, by the look on his face. I thought Jax was wrong. This time she was about to marry the right kind of man and it would last.
"Who gives this woman's hand in marriage?"
Nero whispered it to the minister. "You can skip that…"
"I do." The sound of his voice made my heart do little leaps. We all turned around to look at Jax standing there. He took a seat in the front row and mouthed to me; love you.
It gave me and Gemma both tears of joy. Jax came on his own to show support for his mother on her special day. He made the right decision. It came down to the very last second but, he still did it.
Nero wiped away her tears and they continued on with the ceremony. Until the most important part came.
"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."
Now it was time for the party to begin. I went to Jax and couldn't help myself. I threw my arms around his neck. "I'm so proud of you."
"At least I did something to make you proud of me."
We stood hand in hand in the congratulation's line. When it was our turn, I let Jax go first. Gemma hugged him so tightly. "I love you Jackson." He kissed her but he wouldn't say it back to her. Today was a small amount of progress with them. But it was still progress in the right direction.
Nero held out his hand to Jax and like a man, Jax shook it. "Am I supposed to call you daddy now?"
"Please don't." Nero laughed and they talked for a minute. I gave Nero a peck on the cheek so the next person could go.
"Do you wanna get a drink, babe?"
"Sure."
Jax got a beer and I got a glass of wine. We made our rounds visiting with everyone. Mostly it was the club members. They were who he felt comfortable around.
"Sit down with us Jackie." Chibs pulled around a couple of chairs for us.
"Nah, were going to get in the food line. Are you hungry, Tara?"
"A little."
"You need to eat more. You've lost a lot of weight." It shocked me Jax even noticed. I knew some of my clothes felt baggy on me. But, I had been so busy lately, I hadn't paid much attention.
"Where's your seat at?"
"At Gemma and Nero's table. Take my plate and I'll get us another drink."
"Okay." Jax gave me a quick kiss before he went to set down.
"You should probably slow down on those." Kyle didn't say anything to me. He just downed another drink while leaning against the bar. "Are you ignoring me?"
"Nope. Just keeping my distance so I don't piss Jax off. You probably shouldn't let him see you talking me. This isn't the place for any bullshit."
"Jax is fine. He's here for Gemma tonight and no other reason."
"Really, he is paying attention to every move you make right now." I glanced over my shoulder after Kyle said it. Jax was watching us with a tight jawed look on his face. "At the end of the day, Tara. You will always go home to him. Just like your supposed too. It's what I love and admire about you. I don't get why you fucking do it. But I still admire it. There has to be some reason Jax is not so sure of it."
"Dance with me, Kyle." Lyla was rubbing up on him like I wasn't even standing here talking to him. "You promised."
"I will, later."
"No now. Please." I'll give her, she was relentless in the chase. "Please." If she could have straddled him in front of everyone, she would have.
"Be gentle with me, girl." Kyle downed the rest of his drink and went with her.
"Looks like Kyle made a new friend." Was all Jax had to say when I went back to the table.
"I think he has a thing for Lyla. Men can resist anything but porn pussy, right?" When it came out, I guess I wasn't just referring to Kyle. Although I was slightly disappointed because I thought he was different.
Part of what Gemma said was true. Men cheat for straight up pussy. It's why Jax did it no doubt, because it was offered and he couldn't refuse it. The question was how many actual times had he?
"I love you, Tara. We leave the shit we've done in the past and move forward from here." Jax held on to my hand. As much as I've tried to get past it. It always seemed to find a way to come back and smack me across the face.
There was no reason to not enjoy the evening to spite the fact I still had issues with everything in my life. The happy married couple exuberated a radiant love most will never get to experience even for a short period of time.
Jax's cell rang and it was obviously a call he needed to take in private. He gave me a kiss and left to talk to them.
The more I watched Nero and Gemma be together tonight, I seen it all clearly. It hadn't donned on me before the difference Nero really made in Gemma's life. She always been a strong woman, fucked in the head and sort of crazy. But she wore a smile on her face now. It wasn't a fake one to hide anything, it was real because when she was around Nero she found true happiness. She never did any of that with Clay. It was a rarity she even cracked a smile.
Gemma was hurt by Jax's actions of exiling her out of the flow of the club. But it had been the best thing for her. She didn't deal with all the drama, lies and chaos anymore. Some of the worst hurtful things in life, turns out to be a blessing in disguise.
Jax had been gone for a while now. I started looking around for him. The rest of the club disappeared as well. I began to panic when I didn't see Kyle anywhere. "Shit." I wasn't certain what they would actually do to him.
"Have you seen Kyle?"
"No, why?" Nero and Gemma didn't know where he was either.
"If you're looking for Kyle, he left with Lyla." Fuck was all I could think. Jax was behind me and heard what I said.
"It's time to give our best man and matron of honor speeches for Nero and Gemma. That's why I was looking for him."
"Yeah, it is time for you guys to do that part." Gemma covered for me with Jax.
"We got a problem, I've gotta go."
"Do you want me to stay with Tara?" Rat was waiting for Jax to make his decision.
"Go ahead Jackson. We'll take Tara home. She'll be fine." He gave Gemma another kiss. Followed by the other members of the club which you could tell, completely made her day.
"I'll see you at home, babe. I love you." Jax gave me a kiss and they took off.
"I love you too."
The party was beginning to wind down. This was how it usually ended up for me, sitting alone wondering where my husband went off to. Hell, I needed another drink now.
There was only a few guest left and it would be all over with soon. Their new life would start together. Nero and Gemma were still out on the dance floor without an inch of space between them. It wouldn't have mattered if a thousand people were around, they only seen each other.
"I want that someday. Maybe not the crazy Gemma part. But the rest of it."
"I thought you left already."
"Come on, I've got something to show you." Kyle kept motioning his head towards the woods until I got up to follow after him.
We didn't walk far and to be honest I wasn't sure he could in his condition. Because he was all over the place. In the clearing I could see lights out ahead of us. Hundreds of tiny white lights hung around a gazebo out in the woods. Along with candles lit around the entire circle.
"This where you disappeared to?"
"Where did you think I went? You still owe me that dance, girl."
"I'm not a very good dancer."
"Then I'll show you how. It's the rhythm of two bodies moving as one." Kyle held out his hand and I took it. He hit the button on the cd player as we walked up the couple of steps.
He lifted me up by the waist and set me on top of his feet. My heart was beating out of control as fast as it was going. "Just breathe, Tara."
We moved together as the song played on. Every time I would look down at our feet, Kyle lift my head back up by my chin. Our eyes were having a conversation all of their own with one another. Maybe one, I was trying to avoid. But he wouldn't allow it.
When I finally relaxed into him, he let go of my hand and wrapped his other arm around me. It wasn't a forceful move or even really sexual. His gently touch stroked the bare skin of my back with his fingers. It gave me a slight shiver I couldn't seem to fight off.
Kyle singing along with the song made me feel at ease with him, almost too at ease. It wasn't something normal for me to feel completely comfortable around someone. No one ever had done anything close to this before for me. I've never been made to feel special by man to this extreme. For the most part, I went unnoticed even by my own man. "So hold me close and love me, give my heart a smile. Mmm feels so right. Feels so right. Your body feels so gentle and my passion rises high. You're loving me so easy, your wish is my command. Just hold me close and love me, tell me it won't end. Mmm feels so right. Feels so right."
The music stopped but the rhythm of our hearts kept beating in perfect sync. Kyle rested his forehead on mine. "You feel so right, girl." The moment came to a halt when they started clapping for us.
"Sorry, to break up the party kids. The honeymooners are leaving. It's time for Nero to take me home and make a woman outta me."
"Gemma, not in front of the kids, now behave. You'll have to excuse my blushing bride. She just nervous, cause it's her first time and I'm such a stud." Nero played along with her. They were so adorable together. I never thought the day would come when I saw Gemma ever as adorable.
"Well, it's my first time as Mrs. Nero Padilla. We said we'd take Tara home and were getting ready to leave."
"I'll take her. You guys can go ahead. But not before I steal a kiss from the beautiful bride." Kyle went to kiss Gemma on the cheek. She grabbed his face and wouldn't let go of him.
"Damn it Gemma, we've only been married a couple of hours and you're already kissing a guy half my age." Nero laughed after he said it. They had an easy feeling with each other. They could joke when it came to other people and not be jealous of them. It wasn't something I mastered with Jax because I could never be sure.
"Come on, baby. Let's start the honeymoon in the car." Gemma meant it too. I'm sure Nero wouldn't make it past getting in the car before she pounced on him.
Gemma hugged me goodbye. "You remember what I told you. Then you get your head on straight." It left me speechless how she could promote me cheating on her son. Like it was nothing.
"What's Gemma talking about, get your head on straight for?"
"My, aren't you a perceptive drunk."
"I try to be, girl."
We walked in silence. Well, I walked. Kyle mostly leaned in my direction. I finally took ahold of him to help steady him to get to the truck.
"You've had a lot to drink. You should let me drive." Kyle didn't argue with me. He just handed over the keys.
When I fired up the truck, the same song we just danced to was playing on the radio. We were quick to look at each other.
"You better drive my drunk ass home, girl. So I can pass out and you can get home to the boys."
"Thank you, for tonight. You made me feel really special."
"It's because you are. So, take advantage of me or take me home." Kyle made me smile with what he said. It was definitely time to go home.
The night air felt cool and good blowing on my skin. I rolled the window down for the fresh air. Kyle was passed out in the passenger seat. My only company was the radio playing until I parked in front of his house.
"Kyle, wake up." I kept shaking him. When I could get him to move, I opened the door to get him out of the truck. "I'll bring your truck back tomorrow." He only nodded as he zigzagged his way on the lawn up to the door.
For the next problem of the evening, what do with his truck. I couldn't exactly park it in my driveway for Jax to see. So I parked the fucker a couple of street over. Took off my heel and walked home. I should have been frightened to be alone in the dark but I wasn't anymore.
There weren't any lights on in the house except for our bedroom. I checked on the boys when I went by their rooms.
Photos were strung out all over our bed. Mostly of the club and when Jax and Opie were young.
Jax was sitting on the end of the bed. He had one picture in his hand he was focused on intensely. "I've had JT on my mind for the last couple of days. All the struggles he went through just to make it for one more day. Trying to find a balance between family and patch. In the end he had nothing, it was all for nothing. I don't think Gemma ever really loved him. She had Clay in her bed before he was even cold. JT died miserable and alone. I don't wanna end up like him. I just don't know how not to."
He tossed the photo down with the others and pulled me by the waist to him. "Do you wanna know why I lie to you all the time, Tara? Cause I know you'll set me straight on shit. I didn't wanna be straight then. I'm trying to fix that. I just need time."
Jax looked up at me with pleading eyes. "Please, don't leave me."
While I held him close to me. I ran my fingers through his hair. "I'm here baby. I'm still here."
SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~ SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA
"We're not gonna have a table left, Chibs. If we don't play this shit out right." Jax was getting loud, I could hear him from our room. So I got up and I went out to see what was happening.
"Bullshit, Jackie. You made that call on your own. You didn't even bring it to the table for a vote."
Tig stopped whatever was going on between Jax and Chibs. "Come on boys, let's work this out at church." Chibs just walked off and Tig followed after him.
"What's going on, Jax?"
"I'm meeting with the Irish today. The club is getting outta guns. JT will not have died for nothing. He couldn't make it work but I will. You won't understand my reasons for it because it won't make any sense to you. But I can't step away from the club now. I can take care of us, Tara. We can still have the life we talked about. I love you." Jax kissed me goodbye and left.
When I looked out the door, I seen the white face crow take flight from the tree in the front yard. He followed behind Jax in the sky. I understood his reasoning more than he thought.
Wayne was early this morning. He pulled up as soon as Jax left. "You're bright and early Wayne. I don't have the boys ready to go yet."
"I came over to talk to you, Tara."
My cell went off and it was Nero. What he and Kyle found out was a place to start. For over a week one or both of them had been watching every night. "Okay, I'll meet you guys later."
"Wayne, you will never guess what they found out?"
"What did they find out?"
"They have a construction site down on docks for a river boat casino project. Jacob Hale was there with Barosky, Collette and the Mayans."
"Yeah, that is big news. But, I bet I can top it."
"How?"
"Hadley got Collette's information back. She's a federal informant."
I hope you enjoyed reading me! You all motivate me to write more of this story with your awesome reviews, I really appreciate it.
The next chapter should be posted in a few days; Tangled Web.
Does anyone see a pattern forming? Not necessarily from the words on the page. But the characters, emotions and such. The circle comes back around. The past, present and future all connect.
The music lyrics is Alabama~ Feels so right.
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