Chapter 18
Mothers, Daughters; Fathers, Sons
PART 1 of 4
(There is over 35,000 words for the three parts. I am still editing PART 2 and 3. I will have those posted later tonight or sometime tomorrow.) I've looked at Part 1 so many times, my eyes are crossed. I'll come back to fix mistakes later.
A/N: I know some are upset by Jax's actions. But he is straight up SOA and I do my best to stay true to it. By theory when something becomes a problem to them; they kill it, run it off or bury that shit down deep and forget about it. But he didn't with Tara. No, he didn't exactly handle it with kid gloves nor do it in the right manner. At least he did something by trying to get her some help.
The same with how Jackson protected his family against Kyle with Zac. It was pure retaliation; you hurt me with my kids so, now I will hurt you with yours. Of course it isn't right but it's how they live.
There are two sides to every coin; one is Tara and the other side is Jackson. I have been giving them both to you throughout the story.
Also, I found a great Jax/Tara story. It starts out with them as a young version. I absoulty love it! It is by cinbur; A Fork in the Road. She also started a new story of them as well. Read her stories and of course make sure to send her some love. Keeping writing on them babe!
"No, I'm not."
"Your mother's name is Julia Anderson. Or at least it used to be. She was with Clay Morrow who I told you was one of the original nine members, the evil brother. Then she had an affair with John Teller. Gemma found out about it. But he kept seeing your mother after that. He rented her a house and she stayed here in Charming to be near him."
"I don't want to hear anymore." There was still so much more of this story to tell Kyle. But he was in the same denial of life I had been in lately. In which sometimes it makes you walk away from what you have to know and need to know. It's exactly what he was doing too.
"Kyle, wait. You can't just ignore it. It's part of the reason the crow is so strong in both our worlds now. John is not just talking to me alone anymore. There is something he needs you to know or do. I don't know why or what we're supposed to do with any of it. But it's there and we have to deal with it. There will be no rest or peace for either of us until we do it."
"I am not John's son. If what you're saying is true, he was no more than a sperm donor just like me to mine. I will never acknowledge any of it either. I don't want to hear anymore. I've already got enough bad shit floating around in my head with what you told me. Without hearing how my mother was shared by a bunch of bikers. If she was with any more of them, please just keep it to yourself. Would you want Abel or Thomas to hear something like that about you?"
The answer of course was no I didn't want my sons to know all the bad things there were to know about me. It was fear they would look at me differently than the way they should a mother. The same way Kyle had to cope to see the true woman she was verses the sweet loving mother he remembers.
He wasn't dealing well with it either. As he had his head propped up by his hands on the hood of his truck. I wasn't sure to console him or just let him be. I knew what he would do if the roles were reversed between us.
"Are you okay?"
"Oh, I'm just wonderful. I wanted to fuck my brother's wife. A brother I never knew I had or wanted. To a father that never existed in my world. I can't even start to make that shit right in my head."
My approach was gentle when I held onto his arm with my hand. I didn't know if he would shove me away or not. But he didn't. "I'm here for you and we will figure all of this out together."
"Who else did you tell, Tara?"
"No one other than you."
"You have to promise me, you won't ever tell anyone, especially Gemma. I'm sure she wouldn't be exactly thrilled to know I am the little bastard John had on the side." The truth would affect their relationship now too. It was a terrible feeling the way he said it and how much all of this was already tearing him up.
"Gemma wasn't thrilled about Trinity either but she got past it with time."
"Who is the hell is Trinity?"
"You sort of have a half sister from Ireland too." Perhaps it all should have been given to Kyle in smaller doses. But I wasn't holding anything back from him. He needed to know the truth and unfortunately she was part of it.
"How many more fucking kids does John have?"
"Just her and you I know of." After the many talks I've had with Gemma about John. If they were his only extra kids he had when he was with her, I'd be amazed. From what she said; John had so many different women she couldn't even keep track of all of them either.
In the long run of all the shit John put her through. Gemma had two extra martial affairs I knew of, Clay and Wayne. Not that it made it right but when your husband is laying down with anything that has a heartbeat, what is a girl to do? To some degree, I was sure some of John's wandering ways played a role in why she no longer cared if Clay killed him or not. But if she knew the truth of John divorcing her, Gemma would have probably killed him herself. That part, I was almost sure of.
"Promise me, Tara. You will not tell anyone else about this."
"I promise; I won't tell anyone."
"Since they are moving I won't have to be around them much longer anyway. I'll avoid Nero and Gemma as much as I can."
"Who is moving?"
"Nero and Gemma."
"Gemma will never leave Charming, Jax or the boys behind." There had to be a mistake on Kyle's part. Any time I brought up leaving or even hinted to move away from here she went ballistic on me.
"They already bought a house about an hour from mine out in the country. Didn't anyone tell you? Hasn't Jax filled you in on the last couple of months?"
"Couple of months?" Had there truly been so much time I lost in between all of this mess? I really had to stop to think. Months of my life were missing from my memory. What the hell else did I miss out on while I took a bad trip to hell and back?
"Of course Jax didn't tell you anything, Tara. The blinder he keeps you, the easier it is to control you. It was two months ago you came to my house and I haven't seen you much since then."
"I honestly don't remember much of anything. I… I don't know what happened during that time."
"It's not surprising considering how many pills they were shoving down your throat. I really thought you wouldn't make it through it. Or Jax would get tired of it and end it one way or the other. Just like he does everything else; kill it, fuck it or lock it away. It is exactly what he does too."
"I do remember all the things you said to me though. It's okay, I get it, Kyle. You were only pretending to care and do things for me so… I did come to the realization during that time. I know most of our connection and what we feel for each other is only because of the crow and the pull of it. You were going to abandon me just like everyone else always has. If I hadn't come here tonight; you would have walked away from me and left me too. You knew how much it would hurt me when you said it and you did that part on purpose."
"You don't get it, Tara and never will. Do you really think I…you know what? I'm not even going there with you. I'll see you later."
"You promised you wouldn't just disappear on me, Kyle."
"And I won't. I need some time to process it all. Okay?" He had a lot of shit to process to get past. But I still had so much more to tell him too he would have to deal with as we went.
"Okay. I've gotta go and pick up the boys."
Apparently Kyle wasn't the only one who had a life's unexpected surprise blow today. We didn't know what to say to each other at this point. Maybe we were back to the reality of it had all been said already between us now.
On my way back to Charming, I called Wayne to meet me with the boys. I hustled my ass to get home before Jax did. When I was honest with him the last time, he turned on me because of it. There was no way in hell I would tell him where I was tonight or any other night from now on either. Maybe it was a secret which would tear me a part later and wrong of me to keep it from him. But I preferred to not go back to the place with iron bars on the windows guarding across them, where I set for days examining my life. Which caused the same bars across my heart guarding it as well.
Jax's bike was parked in the driveway by the time we made it home. I checked my watch and decided what the story would be if he asked me where I had been. I helped Abel out of the car and grabbed Thomas to take them inside.
The shower was running when we went in the house and I got the boys ready for bed. I kissed and hugged my boys as I laid them down for the night. As I passed Jax in the hallway, I was awed. How it escaped me before, I didn't know.
They were really similar by comparison in looks. Kyle was physically larger with his height and body frame than Jax was. It was when Jax ran his hand through his wet hair. They both did the same thing in the exact same way. Man, I shook that thought out of my head and I did it rather quickly.
But everything else about them, set them worlds apart from each other. If John had lived to raise them together how would they have turned out to be then? Was it more important who your birth parents were or the ones who raised you and was there with you for every step of your life?
Those were questions I had to ask myself about Abel. I set down on his bed to watch my son sleep. Did he stand a chance at a better life with Jax and Wendy being his actual birth parents? Would he follow in his father's footsteps and become what I've fought so hard against? Or would he be more like Wendy; weak with dependencies just to cope with what surrounded him in this world. "No. I won't allow it, baby. You will have a chance and I'll make sure of it no matter what the fuck I got to do to get you there. I am your mother and no one will ever take your choices away from you. Because I will always be here with you and fight to make sure of it."
After I kissed Abel, I set on the day bed to watch Thomas. Was there enough good from me in Thomas to out weight the bad things from his father? Did his fate get decided by us? Or was his fate different from his brothers just because I was the one who gave birth to him? The conclusion I came to was Thomas and Abel were equal in every way with each question I asked myself. They could still determine their own futures because I would continue to fight for both of them until I took my last breath. "Mommy is here, baby. I will always be here for you."
Then I had to ask myself even more questions as I went to the bedroom to get ready for bed. Was it truly Jax's destiny to be part of the club? Was it written in stone when he was born due to being John's son? It couldn't be because Kyle would have been sent in the same direction then too.
There was so much good in one of them and bad in the other that protruded so boldly, no one could miss it. The biggest difference between them was the kind of man they were raised by and who influenced their lives the most. Unfortunately, it wasn't John Teller for Jax. It was the evil bastard Clay.
As upset as Kyle was to learn John was his father. He came out of it all the lucky one even if he didn't see it. His step father taught him morals, values but most of all how to love others with all of his heart. Not put anything else above them. His loyalty and faithfulness is what made him the kind of man he was today. Which only confirmed my suspensions; they were the ones who influenced your life the most rather than just whose blood coursed through your veins that made the biggest differences in your life.
Love does make you somewhat blind to what you wish not to see or acknowledge. Clay was the one who taught Jax to be the way he was. All the killing, the chaos and lies of the club. To live with the torment just to keep the evil alive until it completely took over life as he knew it to be.
It was killing Jax a little more on the inside every day until the man I once knew and loved so dearly would be completely gone from me. He pushed me and the boys out as he progressed to a darker side of himself. It really wasn't his fault though and I didn't know how to stop it from happening either.
Jax was laying on side away from me when I got in bed. There had been so many barriers there between us. Some of them were his doing and some them were mine. But I couldn't help to hold on to the man I knew he could be someday if he got away from here and left it all behind us. I just needed to touch him and know he was still real to me. I put my arm over his body to try to be close to him. He didn't respond the way I thought he would.
With Jax's kiss he felt more real to me than he had in such a long time. I knew sex couldn't mend the miles it seemed we were apart from each other and it definitely wouldn't fix all of our problems. But, I held on to him while he loved me anyway. Held on to a wing and prayer time would heal what was wrong.
SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA
Since I couldn't honestly remember what occurred over the last couple of months. I got down a calendar and wrote on it the events I knew happened for sure. There were still so many gaping holes in the time period though. After I made my morning rounds, I went to confront one of the things I obviously missed and no one told me about.
Gemma was sitting at her desk at TM. All the useless hell she had been put through with Clay and the club. When John was going to let her go free from it years ago. Even Clay put himself and the club above her, she just didn't know it. I actually felt sad for her and the life she wasted. She found Nero and was truly happy now. She could have found happiness so many damn years ago if they would have loosened the death grip they had upon her.
"Just when were you going to tell me, you and Nero are leaving Charming?"
"The timing was off. You've been a little out of it lately. I thought you'd happy to finally get rid of me."
"I can't…I can't do it without you, Gemma. You have no idea how off the timing is."
"It's not like I won't come back to visit. Until Nero finds a place closer for Lucius, we'll be back every couple of days. He can't stay away from that little boy for very long. You know I can't for very long from Abel or Thomas either. I'm just a phone call away if you wanna talk."
"It won't be the same." Now I was just sad for myself. She was the only female I had in my life and to talk to.
"My being here is no longer a help to you. It's now a hindrance to what you need to become. I've been on the outside of the club for so long now. They don't have the respect for me they once used to. It's time, Tara. For you to take over without my being here in the way. I see you doing it more every day anyway with the guys, the club and Jackson. You just don't realize it yet. This is your calling. To be honest, I never thought you'd make it this far. But since you have, live on the new Queen of Anarchy."
"I don't even know how to be the queen. I'm not like you, Gemma."
"When you can stand as strong by Jackson's side through those times you hate him. As much as when you love him. That's when you are truly the queen and nothing will ever tear you two apart. By then, it won't matter how many other women he has either."
"It tore apart you and Clay. I won't ever be okay with Jax having as many women as he wants."
"Clay was too far gone already to be saved anymore, he had no redemption left in him. He turned against me, my family and the club. All the important things in life. Once he did, he couldn't come back from it in my eyes. I had to choose, Clay lost. But the Sons will live on forever. With Jackson sitting at the head of the table. He will pass on the gavel someday to Abel or Thomas. It's where a Teller belongs just the way it was meant to be."
"That's where you're wrong. Jax will never pass the gavel on to my sons."
"Oh, that's where you have no say, sweetheart. It's in their genetic makeup and a part of them already. You can't stop it from happening. It was set in motion the day they were born."
This was where Gemma and my paths would never crossover, my sons. They would not be a member of the club. They would not ever hold the gavel in their hand. They would not follow in their father's footsteps to a slow living hell no matter what I had to do to protect them from it.
There was no point to argue it with her. For once it was one argument Gemma would not win with me. When it came to my sons, I would mow her ass over to protect them if I had to as well.
A mother's love for a child was different from that of a father. A son will likely feel a closer bond with his mother when he's younger and deepens with his father as he gets older. When a son sees how his father interacts with his mother. He will attempt to model his father's behavior. "Son of a bitch. I can't keep letting Jax show them this kind of way of life. At least not when it comes to women or Abel and Thomas will not learn the right way to love either."
The crow landed in the parking lot at TM. "Really? Now?" There was obviously something it needed me to see. I didn't even attempt to fight it once. I just went along for the ride with it. I was leaving town again to another new place and another untraveled road I was going down.
When I saw where it took me to this time, it was more stuff I had apparently missed out on or needed to address for the day. "Yeah, I know already. You can fly away now."
It was empty inside expect for a couple of people already drinking their breakfast down and possibly working on lunch too. I sucked it up and went to handle business with him. If he would let me anyway.
"Hanging out with all of your friends?"
"Yeah, they are pretty much the only ones I got left now." Kyle kept drinking whatever in hell he had in front of him. By his tone he wasn't in the best of moods either.
"It's only eleven o'clock in the morning and you're already shit faced. A little early don't you think?"
"I never sobered up from yesterday so it's not early to me at all."
"You know with your cap turned around backwards on your head. You look a lot like…"
"If the words are about to come out of your mouth. I look like Jax, I'd rethink them." Well, that halted what I was about to say. It wasn't meant to be derogatory but they wouldn't come out of my mouth now.
This was a bad road Kyle was going down. I had been there and done that shit but with pills instead of booze. I wasn't coherent enough at times to even tell you my phone number and address. "You're done. Let's go."
"You think you can waltz your little ass in here, girl and tell me what to do?"
"Yes I do. You need to sober up and start coping with life again. I know how hard it is to do. I am here for you and we will get through this shit together. The crow brought me here today. So, obviously we still have things we need to do together."
"Just how long are you here for me, Tara? An hour, a day until Jax decides it's a problem again?"
There wasn't going to be an argument about this either. I took his keys off the bar and cut his ass off. He was reluctant to get in the truck with me. But I told him get in or I would leave him stranded here without wheels. It wasn't exactly like he needed to be behind the wheel driving anywhere.
The goal was to take him home, let him pass out and then help him get back on track again. I didn't bring up John, his mother, Jax or anything at all really. But Kyle was saying things to me I didn't really understand when I helped him to bed.
"You can't be here, Tara. Do you know what Jax will do to you?"
"It'll be fine."
"No, it won't be fine. I talked to Jax. You and the boys are the only good things he has got left in his life. He will hurt you if he finds you with me. You can only fight the monster for so long, until you become the monster and he is one. Even when it comes to you. His solution to a problem will always be a club solution. It's how he's wired."
By the time I got him to lay down and asked what the fuck he meant about Jax. Kyle grabbed his pillow and wrapped his arms around it. He stretched out on his bed and I covered him up. I'd just let him be and would ask later.
The rest of the house was a mess. I knew that routine all too well. You only did enough just to survive the moment and nothing more. I picked up the couple of loads of laundry scattered around and stuck one in the washer.
While the clothes were washing, I did the dishes and cleanup up the counters. When I looked in the frig, there wasn't much to eat in it but a shit load of liquor bottles. Most were less than half full. But it didn't matter much when I poured them all down the sink. I gathered up the bottles in a trash bag and put them in the trash can out in the garage. Kyle could be pissed off later at me if he wanted to be about it. For now, this was what I felt was best for him.
When I heard the knock on the door. "Fuck." I peeked out the window to see who was here and if I wanted to answer the door or not. Since it was Nero, I let him in.
Neither he nor Gemma had been able to reach Kyle by phone for a few days. I knew why but I didn't tell his secret. Nero and Gemma had been by several times to check on Kyle and they couldn't ever catch him at home. Nero was a good man and worried about all of us. I know because he has done it with me several times too. But his concern for Kyle went deeper than I had seen Nero reach out to another person before, other than Gemma.
"I am a little surprised to see you here, Tara."
"Kyle is just going through a rough patch and I'm trying to help him. He came to the hospital when I was in there and set by my bed many times."
"He told you that? How much did Kyle tell you about what happened over the last couple of months?"
Nero seemed a little on the surprised side I knew anything and I repeated what Kyle said earlier about Jax. Even more shocked what I said about that part of it. But Nero wasn't on the things Kyle had said to me at the park. When he wanted to stay away from him. Nero already knew it too.
"I missed a lot apparently."
"You need to know the whole truth, mama. Kyle said those shitty things to you because he is trying to protect you."
"Protect me from what? Nero, just tell me. Kyle said he talked to Jax."
"Kyle swallowed his pride even though Jax hurt his blood, his son, and put it all aside for you. He went to Jax after they put you in the hospital. Kyle was willing to leave Charming if Jax would just let you out. Jax told him; you were under control now and you didn't care about Kyle anymore. You never really did care about him either. The only reason you were hanging around Kyle was to make Jax jealous and supposedly this what you told to Jax. Jax didn't give a shit if Kyle left then or not because he wouldn't be causing problems for you all anymore. You need to know what that boy did you for you and went through. Kyle ripped his own heart out to save yours. If it's not love, then I don't know what is. I'm not just taking Kyle's word on this either because I was there when it went down."
"Why are you doing this to me, Nero?"
"I love you like a daughter, Tara. But, you can't have the partial truth only when you want it. I didn't try to save my son when his mother was shooting up every day and hurt him. It's why Lucius suffers from it now and there is no way I'll ever make it right. Because I was too fucked up back then to even save myself, let alone my son. I'm not telling what you should or shouldn't do. Jax is at the same point I was back then, to fucked up to save himself or see the damage that goes on around him. It's not always the good things in life you learn the most from. Sometimes, it's the bad things that makes you the better person you become from it."
Nero was going to give me a ride to the bar to pick my car up. Then he was going to go see Lyla. She had no one else either in this world that truly cared about her. No matter what she had done in the past, Nero was going to be there for her. Since, I needed to talk to her anyway about Kenny and Ellie. I went with him.
They were to finish out the school year where they were. Mary agreed to take care of them until summer, which theirs would start two days from now and it was time to make decisions. Then Gemma and I were to have them while Lyla did her recovery time. Only, I wasn't sure Lyla would ever make it there. Now, with Gemma leaving. The kids would have to stay at my house with us. I hadn't even talked to Jax about it yet but I was certain he wouldn't say no. I lost so much time in my life lately to know what the hell I was supposed to do or still needed to do.
While we were riding around I kept asking Nero more questions as they came to my mind. He wouldn't answer any more of them. My biggest one was how they thought Jax would hurt me? Nero's response to it was always the same. "You should talk to Kyle about it. They had a private conversation when I wasn't around and he would never tell me the details. But I know he's worried about you."
When we pulled up to the rehab center to visit Lyla, I had to take in several deep breaths, it seemed so familiar to a place I went to before. A place of despair on your life and where you stopped living for a while as soon as you passed through the doors of it.
The inside was just about the same as the place still fresh in my memory. Most of them were going through the detox and in the major with drawl stages. I had been there myself not to along a go as well.
Lyla didn't look well at all. She had lost more weight if that was even possible for her small size. I saw no light of life in her eyes either. The little hot body I used to see her as, wasn't the person who sat before us today.
"Why are you here, Tara?" She was very direct and not as much as a hello, how are you first.
"I came to talk to you about Kenny and Ellie. I am taking them for the summer until you get yourself under control again. I need to ask you; do you even want the kids back?"
"It's not that I don't want the kids. I can't even take care of myself as you can clearly see. I feel like I failed them and Opie. Just like I usually do and let everyone down. My mom is keeping Piper for me. I really can't answer your question right now."
"Ellie and Kenny will become an award of the state, Lyla. Mary has already said she can't keep them full time. I want to do what is best for them. So, for now. I will take them for the summer and we will figure it out as we go."
Lyla was at a bad place in life. I understood, I had been there and decided I had to make changes to get myself out of it. Until she did the same thing, she would never progress past a porn junkie destined to die young from it.
The regrets she spoke about with Opie, broke my heart. Their marriage was doomed from the start. He was looking for a good loving wife like Donna. Lyla was looking for a home and stability she could never have with him no matter what. Opie was on the same path of self-destruction at the time and Lyla was on a different path of the same.
We said our goodbyes to Lyla and I honestly wished her well. "Tara."
"Yes."
"I'm really sorry for the things I did to you. You didn't deserve them. I was strung out at the time and…"
"Yeah, I'm sure you are, Lyla. I'm sorry for a lot things I've done in my life too. I really hope you get better soon."
Lyla and I were so different. In every way you could possibly think of. From our social circle, upbringing, education and our feelings on men. But I had one huge damn thing in common with her. We both loved the same kind of man and therefore I got why she was broken from it. There was no need to kick her while she was down. I just hugged her and hoped she lived through it too.
Nero was taking me to pick up my car. I called Gemma to talk about Kenny and Ellie. She still planned on helping out with them. She would take them for a week at a time to spend time out in the country at their new house. She even wanted to take Abel and Thomas too when she did. I worried four kids might be a bit much for her to deal with. But, I knew Nero would be there to help her like he always does.
"Thanks, Nero for the ride. I'll be by to talk to you later."
The grocery store was the first place I hit. I didn't buy a lot of stuff with it just being him. But I smiled when I put a gallon of strawberry ice cream in the cart. It was his favorite. Once I paid and got it all put in the car. I went back to his house. Packed it all in and put it away.
Kyle was still passed out when I checked on him. I held his hand for a couple of minutes like he had mine before I had to go. "I'm here." I wrote a note that I left on the kitchen table for him and went to get the boys.
We stopped to eat because Abel was hungry and even I ate tonight. I wasn't back to my normal self yet but I was starting to get better and stronger again. We stopped by TM because I promised Gemma I would if I had time on the way home so she could see the boys. She had already left for the day by the time we made it there.
Abel wanted to swing. So, I set with Thomas in my lap on the other one while he did. Tig came out and pushed Abel for me. I was starting to get somewhat attached to Tig too. There weren't many conversations between us but he and I had a comfortable silence. He gave me and Thomas a little push too. Once Abel was done, Tig asked if he could hold Thomas. The boys seemed to have a calming effect on him and he was getting more attached to them, as well.
From the picnic table we watched each of them ride their Harleys in and out of the parking lot. They too were little boys once upon a time with a mother I'm sure who didn't want their destiny to be a club member either. Then came in the one whose mother insisted upon it being his destiny, Jax.
"What are you doing with Tara?"
"We were just hanging out, Jax until you got here." Tig handed me back my son then gave me a wave goodbye.
"What's going on?" Jax plopped down on top of the table and lit up a smoke.
"Just trying to figure out life. What will their lives hold if we stay in Charming?"
"The boys will be fine, Tara. Stop worrying about them. I'll be ready to go in a minute and I'll follow you guys home."
"Why didn't you tell me Gemma is leaving? You didn't think it was important enough to mention it to me, Jax?"
"It been time for Gemma to leave. She doesn't mean anything here anymore. You used to hate her and want her gone. So, what's the problem?"
"The problem is; I don't want my sons to grow up to hate me too like you do Gemma. I don't want them to be a member of the club. Most of all, I don't want to lose my family because we didn't ever leave here."
"It'll be fine, babe. Give me a minute then we'll go." As much as I wanted to believe it was true. I couldn't ignore the feeling way down in my gut. It kept telling me something bad was about to happen.
We followed behind Jax on his bike. When I watched him ride it, he was always so free it seemed from the world around him. At least to the outsiders but I knew he was shackled and chained to it along with the club.
We put the boys down together. It had been awhile since we done it. I brought up Ellie and Kenny to Jax. He was all for it and promised he would help out with them as much as he could. But I knew he wouldn't be around much to do anything for our boys or them.
Only it wasn't as easy as I thought keeping up with four children. It had only been two days; the laundry piled up quickly, it took extra time in the mornings to get them all ready and at night to end the day. I found myself cooking, washing something or trying to love them all around the clock.
This morning was a rough one though. Ellie was still quiet and very distant. But Kenny, he was totally withdrawn from all of us, even his sister. After I got Thomas and Abel ready to go. I tried to approach Kenny and he wasn't going to have anything to do with it.
"You're a girl. You won't understand."
"How do you know I won't unless you tell me what's wrong? You can tell me anything, honey. I'm here."
Since I couldn't get him to open up to me, I would try later on when I got home. Nitta kept Kenny and Ellie at the house. They were too old for the young aged daycare at the hospital. I took the boys with me and was already running behind. It was quick kisses to them so I could make my first appointment on time.
Hell as many appointments and patients I had already today, I couldn't believe I made it through to lunch time. I hadn't slept much and with having the kids, I was worn out. As I approached my office, there he set in a chair in the waiting room.
"You look better, Kyle."
"I'm trying."
"Couldn't stay away any longer?"
"Something like that. I need the truth, Tara on all of it. Not just the parts you want to tell me or think I need to know either. The club, Jax and everything that goes with it. Or I can't do this with you anymore. No more hiding anything. We have to be completely honest with each other or this won't work."
"Does honesty go for you too, Kyle?"
"Yeah, you can ask me anything and I will tell you. Most of the time I tell you before you even ask me. I have nothing to hide from you, Tara. When I open my mouth it just all comes out even if I don't want it to."
This would be a long ass discussion. One not be done at the hospital. We went down the street to get some lunch. I used to frequent there with other doctors and nurses just to take a break during the day. Now it was a rarity I got a break from anything in life.
Kyle seemed worried about us being seen in public together. But, I wasn't because I wasn't afraid of life anymore or what it held for me. When you fear nothing; you have nothing left to fear. The only thing I worried about was Jax being cruel or doing something to Kyle because of me. I didn't want that to happen. Everything else, I would deal with as it came.
This was where I tried to give Kyle as much truth in an hour as I could. It could have been a twenty-four marathon of truth and I would still have things left to tell him.
They came by to take our order. I got a burger and fries, he got two of them. It had been a while since he ate. His appetite coming back was a good sign he was on the road to recovery. So was the fact he finally shaved and wasn't shit faced today. You had to start somewhere and even the small stuff counted.
The waitress brought a tall frosted glass full of vanilla and strawberry ice cream swirled together with pieces of fruit blended in with it. Inches of whip cream piled around on top of it and a large red berry on top for garnishment. "That looks really good. I haven't had a strawberry shake in years."
Kyle handed me straw too so we could share it across the table. When I hesitated to use it he started laughing. "Tara, I've had my tongue in your mouth. Do you really think it is going to matter if we drink out of the same glass now?"
"I guess not." He dipped the strawberry in the whip cream and offered me the first bite.
We started our talk off with his mother. I knew it was going to be a hard conversation to have with him no matter how delicately I tried to put things.
"Clay found out John was going to divorce Gemma and he couldn't let it happen. If John left Charming and shut down the club, there would have been nothing for Clay to take over. I always thought it was over the club selling guns. John wanted to stop it and Clay wanted it to continue on. But it wasn't over that. John's full intention was to divorce Gemma, take Jax away from Charming and stop the evil in the club by dismembering it. John wanted a life with your mother and he was in love with her. From what Wayne told me; John completely lost his mind after she left and he still looked for her so he could find out where she went to. Most believed it was because John lost his son, Thomas, is why he almost went crazy. I can actually sympathize with him from what I went through."
"How does Wayne know all of this?"
"Wayne was new on the force then. He was just getting in with Clay and the Sons. Clay would only let him in for a split of the profit if Wayne did something to prove his loyalty to the club first. While they held church, Wayne was supposed to kill your mother so it couldn't land on Clay. He had the perfect alibi, he was setting at the table with his club brothers while it happened. Only Wayne couldn't go through with it when it came time to do it. So he told your mother if she didn't leave town or if she ever came back again they would kill her and you. He also faked a couple of false records to show she called for help and lost the baby, well you actually. So Clay wouldn't track her down and hurt her later."
"Does Wayne know who I am?"
"No. I didn't tell anyone else. But Wayne hurt a lot of people with what he did other than you and your mother. Gemma believes Clay protected her and her family. Only he didn't do it for those reasons at all. He did it because of greed and power he wanted to take from John and he used Gemma to get it. I'm not sure Clay ever really loved Gemma. Of course, Wayne I think is in love with Gemma still today. Apparently they had an affair at some point too. Wayne did what he did out of his love for Gemma. But in the end all he really did was make her a prisoner of the club as well for all these years. When she could have gotten out a long time ago."
"Yeah, I know someone else who is a prisoner of the club too, Tara."
"That's not fair."
"Why, because it's the truth and you don't want to hear it? Jax would rather drag you and the boys down to hell with him. He'll never let you go. If you stay much longer, I don't think you'll survive it all either."
"Exactly what did you talk to Jax about? What did you…oh shit."
"What?" Kyle turned around and seen exactly what I was referring to. He just shook his head when he seen Tig coming our way.
"Go on, get out here."
"It's not Kyle's fault, I asked him here. Tig I…"
"Go out the back, Tara. Jax is coming in. Go already."
It confused me as why Tig would do anything to protect me. Especially when it went against Jax or the club. But I grabbed my bag and got the hell out of here. Through the kitchen doors I went. I peek out the hole to see what was going on out there before I left.
Jax, Happy, Tig and Bobby set down at table not too far from where Kyle and I were sitting. Since when did the club ever come here to eat? Or go out anywhere for that fact? They said nothing to each other though. Once I seen Kyle throw down money on the table to leave. I figured it was safe now at least for him this time.
It didn't seem to faze him at all, Jax being here. It scared the hell out of me what Jax would do to Kyle if he thought I as much as spoke to him. What was even more baffling; Kyle actually talked to Jax when I was gone. If they had nothing but a simple conversation between them, it was a miracle.
By the time I walked back to the hospital, I had another visitor. Lately I had all kinds of visitors and today was no different either. "Tara, do you have a minute?"
"Um…sure, Nicole. I've got a few minutes before my next appointment, come in my office and we talk in there."
"Are you having an affair with my brother?"
"No, I am not having an affair with Kyle. Maybe you should talk to him about this."
"I have and he tells me nothing. For the last month I worry about him every day because he just gets worse. He is not right, there is something going on and he won't say anything. It's like he's lost touch with reality almost and lives in some little world of his own. I've never seen him like this either and even Boomer is worried about his well being now. But, the one thing I am sure of, it has something to do with you."
"Kyle is not crazy, Nicole. Nor has he lost touch with reality. That much, I can reassure you of."
"Then what the hell is this shit?" Nicole dumped wadded up pieces of paper from her purse on my desk. "I couldn't get him to answer the phone for days now. I have a spare key so I let myself in to make sure he is okay. These are all over the place and your name is on them all. If you're not having an affair with him, then what is really going on? When he says he will watch Cody for me, then doesn't show up. Something is wrong because Kyle is always there for him without fail and I know you are a part of it."
Those pieces of paper were different webs he had drawn. Some had a bunch of names, dates and places on them. The other stuff, I didn't have a clue at was he was trying to do with it. But she was correct, my name was on all them. Kyle was driving himself crazy just like I had with it. It had consumed him, taken over his thought process and he couldn't leave it alone now.
"I honestly don't know what all of it is. The best I can do is try to call Kyle. But, if he won't answer you. He may not answer me either."
"Hello."
"Hey, people are worried about you. Nicole is here in my office."
Nicole was pissed when he answered me with the first call I made. I could understand where she was coming from, she had love and concern for her brother. But, I better understood him. He was at the same place and going down the same road I've already been on.
"It's none of Nicole's business. I can't believe she came to see you. Tell her I'm fine and I'll talk to her later. I think I finally figured it out, Tara. Can you meet me later when you get off work?"
"I'll call you later about it, okay?"
"Yeah, okay. But you'll never believe what I have to tell you either, girl. We're not crazy. We're all telling the same damn story. I wish I could have told you when we went to lunch. It's why I came to see you today."
"Well, that's a relief to know. At least give your sister a call because she cares about you. Thanks for lunch too. I'll talk to you later."
Nicole agreed to tell me some about his mother if I was willing to try to help out with Kyle. To get him past what he was going through. She didn't understand it, as most wouldn't anyway. Also why I would want to know anything about Julia. I was very careful with the words I used to not throw him under the bus to make her think he was remotely crazy, lost his mind or really just fucked up.
After I finished my rounds, I went to Nicole's house to meet like we talked about. But the damn surprises just kept coming at me today. I heard her screaming as soon as I reached the front door. Since, I was considered crazy now. Jax took my gun out of my purse. So, I had nothing to use for protection. I didn't let it stop me though from trying to help her.
The front door was unlocked and when I got inside, she really didn't need my help after all. There was Boomer banging the hell out of Nicole on the living room floor. Apparently he was good enough at it to make her scream at the top of her lungs in pleasure. I sure as hell wasn't getting it lately until I screamed out anything.
"Oh shit, I'm sorry." It was a little too late now to pretend like I wasn't standing here witnessing it all. Obviously, I ruined their moment of fun.
"Tara." Boomer had a couch pillow covering up his shit when he walked by to go to the bedroom. Then reversed it to his butt as he got closer to me. No matter which way I turned I seemed to be right in the wrong view of him. Finally, I looked at the wall and waited to make sure he was gone.
"You can't tell Kyle." Nicole seemed a little frantic about it as she was trying to get a t-shirt on to cover herself up with. Hell, now I was staring up at the ceiling until she got dressed because there wasn't any other place left for me to look.
"I thought Kyle liked him."
"Kyle does like him. But he won't care for the fact I am getting involved with another Marine who may not make it back home alive each time he goes off. It's really none of my brother's business what I do. He's just overly protective with me and Cody. I don't want to fight with Kyle about it and he has been so messed up lately already. It's not a seriously relationship or anything, we're just having fun. I like David's company. I haven't had a man in my life in a really long time. I am always Cody's mom first but I am a woman too. So, promise me." I couldn't make myself do it. Hell, I've made so many promises lately to so many different people. Carrying secrets around only weigh you down on your soul. My soul was hanging low from it. "Tara."
"I understand where you are coming from Nicole, trust me, I really do. I don't like keeping it from Kyle but I won't tell him either."
A dressed Boomer came back out this time. He seemed a little nervous around me and I was just trying not to stare in his direction. "You can't tell Kyle. He will be pissed off."
"We've already been over it and Tara is not going to say anything to him. Right?" I nodded in agreement with Nicole. But I was certain I would be sorry for doing it somehow later.
"I better go. I'll see you later, Nicole. Bye, Tara." He gave her a quick little kiss before he hurried out the door.
"What are you doing tonight? Do you have any plans, Tara?"
"Jax is going to be gone tonight. I'm going to pick up the kids and just go home."
She wanted to have a sleep over. I'd never slept over at a friend's house even when I was younger. I wasn't even sure what girls done when they hung out so much with each other. I didn't feel comfortable with people and I wasn't exactly outgoing or popular back then either. Actually, I never had a lot of friends or people to even talk to when I thought about it. The only ones I've ever had were Jax, Gemma and the club around me consistently. But I was afraid all of my kids might be a bit much but Nicole didn't care if I had four of them or not with me.
"It'll be fun. I feel like having a little girl time. We can stuff our faces, give each other manicures and talk about boys. The kids can play and I know Cody will love having Abel here with him." This was a different Nicole than I've ever seen. She was almost on the giddy side and sort of giggly. Definitely on the carefree side after her rendezvous with Boomer.
"What the hell. I have to let Jax know and I'm not exactly sure how he will feel about you, and well, you know."
"Don't worry girlfriend, I got your back too. I know your husband hates my brother. It's not like, I'll bring up the fact I'm his sister if you don't. I only seen him the one time when you all were walking down the street together. But, Kyle let me know how your husband feels about him. I have to pick up Cody and go to the store for some snacks. We can ride together if you want to."
"I think it will be good for Ellie to be around another girl other than me and the boys can play together." A thirty-four-year-old woman having her first sleep over was totally ridiculous but I was excited about doing it for some reason. All my kids needed to have a good time because life had been rough on them lately too.
"I need to get Cody. Aren't you coming in, Tara?"
"I'll just wait here."
A knock came on the window while I was making a list of things to grab from the house and at the store. It wasn't like he needed to for me to know he was close by. "You're hanging out with my sister now, perfect."
"Would like for me to hang out with your brother instead, Kyle?"
"Tara, that shit ain't even right joking about it."
"What's not right?" Nicole was back with Cody and she only heard the end of it. But Kyle instantly changed the subject.
"Have you seen Boomer? I called him earlier and he didn't answer."
"No, I haven't seen David. Why would I see him? It's not like he'd be at my house for any reason. He's your friend. You should keep better tabs on your friends. I hope you don't do this with all of them." Poor Nicole was on the defense and a little rattled. I didn't even comment until Kyle asked me again.
"No, I can honestly say. I've seen a lot less of him since he's been in Charming than Nicole has."
"Have you two been drinking?" We both shook our heads no to his question. Which was actually the truth.
"We gotta go Kyle. Thanks, for watching Cody for me." After Nicole left my office. Kyle called her and spent a few hours with Cody. He missed his fun loving uncle around. I understood how you sometimes let people down you love when you can't even function.
"What are you girls doing tonight?"
"We are having a sleep over at my house. No guys allowed either. Bye, Kyle." Poor Nicole just wanted to get away from him badly.
"Call me later, Tara. I have a lot to tell you."
"Okay, I will."
Once we were out of ear shot of Kyle. I had to ask. "So, why do they call David, Boomer?"
"David likes to blow things up. He does arsenal."
The first stop we made was TM. No point in getting the kids hopes up if Jax axed the idea of us being around Nicole tonight. Although, she really grabbed their attention when she got out of the car and went to meet Jax with me. Chibs and Tig especially liked the pretty blonde girl with nice sized breast.
"I am taking the kids to her house for a sleep over since you're going to be gone anyway tonight. I thought Ellie would enjoy a little girl time and doing something fun."
"You should go babe and have fun. It'll be a late one for me and maybe an all-nighter even. I know it's a lot of stress on you taking on Ellie and Kenny too. Sometimes, I forget to thank you for everything you do. It does means a lot to me you care about Op's kids. How did you two meet and become friends anyway? Tara has never talked about you before."
Jax's mind never rested for a moment even. He wasn't highly educated but his thought process only compared to a few. He wasn't ever easily fooled; I was the dumb one for thinking so. John might have been a complicated man but his son, was complexed from many different angles. I thought maybe Jax had caught on to who Nicole really was for a moment.
"Tara, operated on my son and saved his life." Nicole was better under pressure than I was at it. She smiled so sweetly when she spoke to Jax too. I think she confused him a little with her hot looks, mannerism and the loving way she had about her. Like sister, like brother I say.
"I love you, have fun." Jax gave me a quick kiss then went on his way to his bike. The rest were getting impatient waiting on him.
"Love you too."
"Don't take this the wrong way. But damn, your husband is fine." Nicole was stating the obvious to me and the rest of the women he meets daily. Only she said it a little too loudly.
"Hey." We both turned around when Jax said it. "You can hang out with my old lady anytime you want." From the smile on his face she made his day by what she said.
"I bet it's hard to keep the women off of him."
"If you only knew how hard it actually is." It was another understatement. Because hell, all of them bitches tried to lay under him whenever they could get the chance to.
But, I wasn't going there today. It was going to be a fun filled time for me and the kids to enjoy. Not to worry about what Jax did or didn't do while he was away from me anymore.
Before we picked up all my kids. We went to the store. I bought all kinds of snacks for the night. It was going to be grilled hotdogs and chips for dinner. I also picked up Ellie and me; nail polish, some new flip flops and all kinds of girly stuff. I wasn't exactly a girly, girl. But I was really excited about this for some reason. I also threw stuff in for the boys too; new shorts and t-shirts, videos, games and a football for Kenny. Maybe he would like it.
Well, there went my small fortune when I checked out. Hell, I didn't care. I was back to square one of being broke again anyway. At least this time, I had an actual paycheck I could count on. Surely they couldn't take that away from me too.
We did have a little trouble trying to shove us and all the kids inside. Ellie set in the back compartment of Nicole's jeep since she was the oldest. We packed in the sacks from our shopping adventure around her. She didn't seem to mind it though. There was only a little way to go to Nicole's house.
There was so much laughter from our children once we got there. They built a fort with the kitchen chairs and a large bed sheet in the living room. I've never seen little boys enjoy crawling through a set of chairs so much. Or make so much noise doing it either.
Ellie stayed with me and Nicole. The boys told her no girls were allowed inside their fort. She just rolled her eyes at them and could have cared less about it.
She helped us carry in all the bags and put the stuff away. I was amazed at how excited she got over nail polish and flip flops. Of course, I would have to if someone would have bought those things for me when I was her age. My father tried to do things. But it wasn't the same without a woman there to understand what a little girl needed to have and do things with them.
Nicole fired up the grill out back while Ellie and I got the rest of the condiments ready to go. I went out to see if she needed help but she had it under control. I'd never grilled before really. To me it was what the man was supposed to do.
We did have a small talk about Kenny and Ellie without giving her the club details of it. "How horrible they have no parents. At least Cody has me left and it's hard enough to raise him on my own. There are just somethings a boy needs a father for. I think it's why it upset me so much when Kyle didn't come around. He is the only male really in my son's life."
"Yeah, I know how you feel."
We made idle chit chat until she took the hotdogs off the grill. Then we had to force the boys to stop playing long enough to come and eat dinner. It had been so long since I saw Abel this happy and occupied with fun stuff. Thomas was still too small to really enjoy it.
Once we got dinner all cleaned up the boys watched a video while we girls started our night of beauty. It was called paradise in a jar. A sea bluish green color facial. We looked so funny when we had little green faces from it. But it smelled so wonderful. We all three squeezed together to take a picture. Nicole used her phone and I used mine too. I would print one out later from it for Ellie.
The blood red color was our choice of the evening to paint our fingernails and toes up with. We took turns doing each other's. It was a lot of fun as we laughed and had a good time with it. I snapped more pictures of Ellie and Nicole together. Then the boys playing around in their fort. Even Ellie seemed more at ease this evening and actually wore a smile on her face.
Ellie went to watch her video on Nicole's bed while the boys watched theirs in the living room. It gave me and Nicole a chance to talk about Julia.
She tried to make something out of her life. After she graduated from college she went on to be an English Literature Professor. It was easy to see why their son was so good at it. Nicole had a trunk full of things she had written. Everything from poetry to fiction books or so Nicole thought they were all just fiction. I flipped through most of it until I came to; The Love I Lost.
Just after reading three pages of it. There was no doubt in my mind Julia wrote it about John. She could really write. I tried to skim over the sexual encounter trysts she went in to full details about. Several of them actually. John must have been one hell of a lover according to her in a mighty amount of different positions as well.
There were several other areas she wrote similar to John. With the same heart and familiar lingo, they used. But when I came to certain parts. I knew exactly what she was talking about. Because I was experiencing the same things.
You may be out of sight, but not out of my heart. I still feel your heart beating every day. As though you are in the room with me.
You may be out of my reach, but not out of my mind. Because I still feel the connection we have every day. When I am awake and asleep.
You may be out of my touch, but not out of my soul. I have lost the will to live in reality. If it weren't for the love I have inside me for you, I wouldn't be able to function without you at my side.
You may be out of my life, but I carry a reminder of you with me every day. Someday their knowledge and wisdom will change the world. Just as yours has.
When a connection is real, it simply never dies. The connection can be buried, ignored or walked away from. But never is actually broken.
If you've deeply resonated with another person. The connection remains despite any; distance, time, situation, lack of presences or circumstance.
If it was truly real. You'll be instantly swept back into the exact moment it was before it left. During the same year, place, same wonder of it all, hope, comfort and heartbeat.
Real connections live on forever. When I look at his sweet little face. I am always taken back to you at the exact place and time.
"John Teller was her Kyle. Unbelievable."
But there was so much more inside this little book than most could ever comprehend as the truth. She wrote it out almost verbatim as it was being played out in my life now. There was no way in hell I could mistake the events as they predicted them to be in the future. My damn future.
It wasn't until I seen Abel and Cody waking side by side. "How old is Cody? He and Abel are almost the exact same size." If you didn't know better, they could have passed for brothers complete with blonde hair and blue eyes.
Abel was born on the same day I operated on Cody. They were in the hospital at the exact same time frame. All of us were there together then and didn't even realize it. Was it the hidden message for me in Julia's book?
"I am the one who fucked it all up. They were together at the same time and I never even noticed it until now. I brought myself and my children into the mist of all the chaos by the choices I made back then. Even Donna was killed back then too. I am so blind."
"Honey, you're not making any sense to me."
"It makes perfect sense, Nicole. I couldn't see anything but the past coming around again for a second chance and what I thought I missed out on with him. I had the opportunity back then but didn't see it."
"What, Tara?"
"Nothing. I'm just rambling about nothing."
All of our fates were written by others many years ago. By others actions and interferences as well it all changed. What would have today held for me if I went down a different path? Would life have held the same outcome anyway? Was I truly a prisoner of my past to never break free from it?
The things you thought about later, after the fact. They always came back around to haunt you sometimes. But the choices you've made couldn't always be undone and you had to play them out until the end the best way you could.
The boys and Ellie were still going strong. Thomas went out an hour ago. I put her book down and stopped reading it for now. We made beds on the floor for all of us. It was like camping inside. I would keep Thomas close to me. Ellie made her spot in the middle of me and Nicole. The boys were lined up in front of the television. They all went to sleep first and then Ellie gave it up for the night too.
Nicole and I had a little girl talk. She was a happier person than I had ever seen her be. In return she said even Cody noticed and her happiness flowed over to him too.
It wasn't the sex part that made Nicole happy. By having David around, it made her feel like a fun, alive and desirable woman again. Even though she stated she didn't have any feeling for him, she always smiled when she said his name. It was kind of cute actually.
A soft pecking noise was made on the back screen door. It was her male friend making a late midnight call. She told Boomer to go away and not tonight because we were her.
"Go ahead Nicole. I am just going to set here and read some more. I'll watch the kids."
"I love you, Tara." She hugged me before they went to her room to do whatever. A single mom had a rough life of balancing motherhood and a booty call.
Nicole could live it up for the rest of the night as far as I cared. I had more reading to do while I watched the kids sleep.
Our love created someone special. The crows all but disappeared from my life once I lost your love. But, now they are stronger than ever because of him. It always takes me back to the times we shared together; our hopes and dreams of the future.
He carries your gift of talking to the crows. It does seem to confuse him at times, I always pretend it is not real and means nothing. I never told him the truth, nor ever will I. I protect our son from the same fate we will receive because of it.
"Son of a bitch. The crows are because of Kyle." I couldn't finish the rest of it without knowing what the last page contained. I flipped to it with trembling hands to see what their fate truly was.
A dark angel crow that follows you around. Waiting for your last breath to be taken. That is the final clue to the mystery of love.
It swoops down to take your soul with it to the promise land of peace. Dragging you away from the fiery hell you live on earth in the club. The one thing you regret creating the most in your life. The one thing you will never completely escape from.
Your life is over now…
This must be the end…
I must say goodbye…
Only until we find our love and peace once again together…
But our son will live on to change the world with his gifts, knowledge, words and some of your wisdom…
Although, within about fifteen minutes. Nicole had another visitor at the back door. At first I thought she was a damn popular girl late at night. Until I seen who it was.
"Where's Nicole?"
"Nicole? Where's Nicole?"
"Yeah, Tara. That's what I said. Where is Nicole?"
"I think she went to get something out of her bedroom." I propped myself up against the wall with my elbow sort of while hanging out in the middle of the hallway blocking it too. I might have also banged on the wall a couple of times to warn her as well.
"Tara, you are a terrible liar. What is it I am not supposed to know about?"
Thankfully, I didn't have to answer his question because she came out. "What are you doing here, Kyle? I am just appalled at your behavior. Appalled I say. I told you to stay away tonight." I noticed Nicole was blocking the other side of the hallway from him too.
"What in the hell have you two been doing?"
"Nothing." Nicole and I had this down well enough because we tried to sound really convincing at the same time.
"Hey. What are you guys doing?" An out of breath Boomer magically showed up now through the front door. He made his disappearing act out of Nicole's bedroom window just in the nick of time. The things you'd did to hide what you didn't what others to know, the depth of some lies went on and on. It was a good thing they had a system in place of him parking his car a street over from her house or they would have been busted for sure.
"Where did you go? I followed you through town and lost you somewhere."
"I went back to your house, Kyle. You weren't there. So, I drove by here." Boomer was sweating it to see if his alibi was bought or not. If Kyle's mind hadn't been so distracted with everything else, they probably wouldn't have remotely gotten away with it.
"I'm sure you're here to see Tara anyway." Nicole whispered it in my ear before she gave me a little shove in his direction. "Take one for the team, girlfriend."
"Why don't we set outside on the deck, Kyle and talk. I haven't seen much of you lately. Are you feeling better?"
"I get a little better every day. I don't feel so restless anymore. What is that smell?" Kyle took a whiff in my direction.
"You'll have to pick one of the many I got going on; nail polish, peppermint foot oil and the coconut lime fascial I had."
"It's the coconut. I like it. How about you, Tara. Are you better and doing okay?"
"I get stronger every day now and I'm not so restless either. There is something I want you to read. Your mother wrote this about John Teller. But I will warn you, it's a little on the sexual graphic side."
Kyle dropped the notebook immediately from his hands. "Fuck no, I will not read it. I don't want to know that shit about my mother."
"At least read page thirty two. If you read it and don't at least skim over the rest of it. You are not the man I think you are. You're special and it's why you and I are so connected together. By the way, I have a very strange question for you. Were you here when I operated on Cody?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Cody was in there the day Abel was born. They are exactly six months a part in age. I don't remember you being there though, Kyle."
"I just got back. I came to the hospital several times and just set in Cody's room with him. I knew Nicole wouldn't ever survive if she lost him too. She was so frightened and I tried to be there as much as I could for her. She didn't want to leave him but she had been up for days. I made her go home to sleep, eat and get some clothes. You came in several times to check on Cody while I was there and that's how I knew who you were, Tara. When I gave you a tattoo, I remembered you."
"Son of bitch. I know why now. I thought you were Cody's dad and I didn't even give it a second thought. You and Nicole were always together; I guess I just assumed. Once when I came in you were asleep in the chair. You looked so cramped up and had a coat pulled up around your shoulders. It gets really cold in there sometimes, especially at night. I got a blanket out of the warmer and covered you up with it. It was so sweet to see a loving father who never left his son's side and wouldn't give up on the little boy no matter what the odds are. You stayed for a couple of days and never left the hospital until he was stable. Only you weren't his father like I originally thought you were. Were you still married back then?"
"No, I wasn't. I came back a few weeks before that and she was gone already." A smile crossed his face. "I thought it was the nurse who covered me up sometime in the middle of the night. I didn't know it was you."
"If I had only known back then what I do now."
"Known what, Tara?"
"Nothing. Tell me what you found out and wanted to tell me earlier."
We were interrupted by little feet coming our way across the kitchen floor. I left the door open so I could know if one of the kids woke up. We waited to see which one of them it was.
"What are you doing up, bud?"
"I'm thirsty Uncle Kyle. I want you to get it for me and not mommy."
"Let me get Cody something to drink and put him back to bed. I'll be back." Kyle carried him inside like a football under his arm and Cody giggled the whole time. He was gone maybe a whole five minutes before he came back outside.
"I should probably go before they all get up?"
"Kyle, do you think it's possible my and Ellie's path have somehow connected? Because she dreams of the crows now. I'm not exactly sure of what her dreams entail because she won't talk about it. I haven't seen you enough lately to even tell you all the stuff that's happened."
"Who is Ellie?"
There was a lot explaining about Opie, Donna, Piney and the club. The more I talked the sadder even I became for Ellie. I gave Kyle the rundown of what I knew. How the clubs true spiral started when Donna was killed. It started separating brothers but mostly Clay and Jax. It was a pivotal point really of Jax fighting harder to take more control of the club. Kyle had a theory on it as well.
"The crows can signify darkness and doom or the light and hope. Maybe Ellie is our light, Tara. We need to know what she dreams about."
I hope you enjoyed reading me!
Parts 2 and 3 of this chapter will be posted tonight or tomorrow. It will cover; why Ellie sees the crows and the tie to Donna, Jax and Tara sweet moment, why Jackson did what he did by locking Tara up, Tara discovers the truth of what really happened to her mother, little Tara steps up to be the new queen with a whole new set of rules for the king, a fun night out for Nicole, Gemma, Tara and Tig, the explanation of the web; the good and bad along with the importance of it with Kyle and Tara, along with what it will hold for everyone's futures. And a whole bunch of other stuff I really can't remember right now.
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