Chapter 22,

Mothers, Daughters; Fathers, Sons

PART 5 of 5

(MAKE SURE TO READ PART 3 and 4 first!)

For an hour I waited at the bar. I only took a few sips from the wine glass I held in my hand. I looked at my phone one more time before I set the glass down and pushed it away from me. This was just another one of my bad ideas and crazy shit I actually listened to Gemma on. But I should have known better than to do it in the first place.

The bartender put down another fresh glass of wine down in front of me. "I'm done actually. I don't want anymore. But, thanks."

"This came from the gentlemen sitting at the end of the bar. He bought it for you."

He was such a cutie sitting there staring at me. A little wave came from him to attract my attention and I only smiled back. "What the hell." I picked up the wine glass and took another sip from it. Just because he bought me a drink, didn't mean he got anything for it in return.

Every time I causally glanced in his direction, he was still sitting there staring at me and smiling. Only a woman had her little heart set on him tonight already and did the same come on without buying him a drink. When she couldn't get his attention with a flirty smile and staring at him, she finally made her way over there.

She took the bar chair by him and set down. Eventually she played with the top button on his shirt as a tease to him. The lean in was to show off her tits while she casually brushed them on his arm occasionally by accident but totally on purpose. But my favorite part was the fake laugh to give just a hint of flirty. I shook my head as I watched her basically throw herself at him with the next set of advancements to see if it worked or not. Gemma would have given her a C- at best. She used to much body and not enough heart with it.

"Love is a fickle bitch." I had another sip of wine while I continued to watch them. To see what the girl might be willing to do next for him. Just to get him to return some of her affection.

What makes us need love so badly? We put ourselves out there for it just to get our hearts tromped on so many times too. Was it really worth the heartache you get from finding it or trying to keep it alive in a relationship? If true love does exist in this world. How do you know if it really was or not until you found out the hard way? There were some things I would not give up for it anymore; myself esteem, self-worth or losing the person I was on the inside. Not even for my husband.

Love made you do crazy things, even crazier ones to hold on to it. Jax and I had to come to a meeting of the minds and a mutual respect for one another. I would no longer fight to receive his love. He needed to start giving it to me freely as it was meant to be.

"Can I sit down? Are you here with anybody?"

He must have gotten tired of her advances and made his way over to the other side of the bar to me. Although I'll admit, he did look really good in those tight ass jeans with the button down black and grey pinstripe shirt he had on. It clung tightly across his chest in all the right places to highlight the masculine physic he has. His pretty little smile was just an added bonus. The cherry on top of the delicious sundae he was.

"Sure, why not, sit down. I'm waiting on a friend to get here. From the glares your fan club over there is giving me. I think she is a little upset you left her setting there by herself."

"She's alright but not my type. I am sort of hoping I can talk a pretty girl like you in to going home with me tonight."

"Then you'd be the only guy who finds a big boobed blonde, not their type. Thanks, but I'm married."

"Lucky guy, does he know where you are?"

"Not exactly. Jax went to a patch over party."

"What is a patch over party?"

"It doesn't matter. He made his choice where he wanted to be tonight and so did I. From here forward it is on Jax too what kind of relationship we have. I will no longer take full responsibility for it all like I have in the past. I didn't think you were going to show up. I almost gave up on you, Kyle."

"I almost didn't. I didn't think you would show up either. Fucking, Nero. He never gives up. I don't know if I should hate him or love him like a brother." I started laughing at him and his comment. "No pun or funny intended, smart ass."

"What words of wisdom did Nero give you? I can guess Gemma's were a lot worse she gave me."

"Are you sure you wanna know, girl? They might be things you don't really want to hear."

"You know what, then don't tell me. I just need to have fun tonight and not feel bad about anything. I've never acted out or been rebellious. But with you, I find myself doing things I never thought about before. You bring out a side in me, Kyle, I didn't even know existed."

"You're no angel, and I'm no saint or we wouldn't even be here. We've both been pretty lost, lonely, scared and confused a lot lately. The scars from the hell we've been through are at least apparent to each other. Even if no one else gives a shit or sees it. Somebody's gotta win in the end, somebody's gotta lose. I'm tired of being on the losing end of it. Just for tonight Tara, let's get lost and have some fun together."

"So, one more time my friend. Risk it all, lay it on the line. Let our skeletons fight for life instead of us. Tonight, let's just get lost and have some fun."

"Then let's get out of here already." He finished his drink and waited on me to give him my answer.

"One more time, Kyle."

"One more time, Tara."

We walked outside, I had been in there so long the sun had already set. "There is something I want to show you before we leave." I wasn't sure what it was but I followed along with him.

The surrounding water gave off a cool breeze and it felt good from the hot sunny days of the summer to come. We went past where all the boats were docked and walked around to the other side of the marina. Down a long wooden bridge was another journey we took together.

"What is this place?" A large concrete tunnel stood alone. A metal plaque was at the entrance way.

Alexandria's Dream

The Dream

One night, within a dream deformed.

The cawing of a crow informed.

...a ship was stripped where winter stormed.

Midst winds and waves the thunder boomed.

The ship of death was surely doomed.

...the sea engulfed, the sea entombed.

His spirit gone, his flesh and bones.

...are resting now amongst the stones.

She did not allow him to be alone.

…as their love still lives on.

"Walk through the tunnel with me and you will see." Kyle took my hand as we went down in the dimly lit stairs. "Better hold my hand so you don't fall. The steps are steep." We must have gone down two flights of them before we made it to the bottom.

Inside of it was encased in thick walls of glass. Water lapped up against it with small sea creatures floating around in it. The made their way up to the light, touched the glass then swam back out again. While some hovered there. They didn't seem frightened at all.

"Feel the glass." It felt like ice to the touch. We went to the end of the long tunnel, he stopped again. "Now, feel it."

"How is it even possible? This is end of it is so warm." There weren't any little creatures to be found down on this end of it. They all shied away for a reason.

"You have to see the rest of it to understand."

There were just a few stairs to go up this time to reach the outside. A long wooden pier went across a beach where no one could get to. It was beautiful, so untouched by civilization.

"The legend says; Alexandria would come out early on the morning her beloved was due to come back from the sea. She would set in the light house and waited for his return. If he was late with his arrival, she came down to the beach and set on the big rock over there until he made it home safely. Only he didn't ever make it home on his last voyage made. They all thought she lost her mind because she refused to leave here without him. For days you could find her in the light house, setting on the rock or walking this beach at night with a broken heart still waiting for him to come back to her. She just disappeared and was never seen again. They believe she walked in to the sea until she was joined with him and their love was joined together again. It's why the unexplained phenomenon of the temperature change in the water. Only for a few hours every night in just the small section, it changes to warmth; it's when they were joined together forever."

There weren't words for all of this. We went up in the lighthouse and you could see for miles on the water. Many boats would blow there horn several times when they came close to where we were. "Why do they do that?"

"It's why it's called Alexandria's dream. She dreamed of him every day to keep him alive in her heart while he was away, she believed they would be together forever. If there is a life after death; she knew their love would continue on, then too. Because the crow told her so. Just like the crow cawed to warn her love not to leave that day but he didn't listen. The crow set with her in the lighthouse, on the rock where she waited for her love and it walked the beach with her throughout the nights. Some believe the crow really was her love waiting to take her home with him. Because he believed in her, their love and the dream too. So, those who do believe in Alexandria's dream honk their boat horns as they approach to celebrate love. It will keep their love alive in the hearts of the living forever as well."

"How did you know this is here?"

"I found it one of my many nights of roaming around with nothing to do and no place to go. Just because, I wasn't with you, Tara. Doesn't mean I didn't think about you. The crow brought me here. It set out on the rock and sometimes would fly around the beach in a full circle only to go right back to the rock. It did it for over an hour. Don't ask me what the hell it's supposed to mean because I have no idea."

"If you found it. How did Nero and Gemma know all of this is here then? They are the ones who bought the motel room and arraigned our little night out adventure."

"It's a longer story. I was at bad place while you were gone. I owe Nero and Gemma a lot, especially Nero. For what they've done for me. I'm sure they wouldn't have if they knew who I really am though." There was so much sadness in voice when he spoke Gemma's name. He lost her because of John. They had become close and I think possibly he even missed being around her.

"Do you want to talk about it? Kyle, you know you can tell me anything."

"I know, but not tonight. Let's go find something to do."

Kyle was taken off guard when I slid across the seat and was by his side when he got in the truck. "Did I say you can come over here and sit by me?"

"At this point, do you think it's going to matter if I sit by you or not, Kyle? Drive already."

"Yes, Ma'am."

His actions were just as much of a surprise to me too. I looked down twice before I said anything. "Did I say you can put your hand on my leg?"

"You didn't ask me, girl. So, I'm not asking you. I figure you wore those little white short for me, I might as well get to enjoy them."

"Well okay, fair enough."

"This is the last time, Tara. We meet in like this anyway. Jax made it very clear to me how it will go down if I don't leave you alone. I said I would never do anything to hurt you or get you hurt either. This will get you hurt if he finds out and I won't let it happen because of me. But, I'll always be there for you no matter what when you need me and I don't care if he likes that or not. As long as he just takes it out on me, it's no big deal."

Kyle left out a lot of the details of what went down with him and Jax while I was in la, la land. Which, Nero filled me in on most of those. Except how they thought I would get hurt by Jax. Neither one of them would go any farther about it. At this point, it wasn't even important to me anymore.

"I know, Kyle. For now, let's just have fun for the rest of the night."

He turned up the radio and we drove around looking for somewhere to go. There wasn't a need for more words to be exchanged. We were adults and knew the consequences of our actions. When they reached your soul there was way more to lose and at stake. A huge difference from a broken heart than a shattered soul in the end beyond repair.

The glitz and glamor of a casino was nothing that ever interested me. But Kyle made it fun. He talked me in to going inside and gambling the odds with him. Hell, I took a big enough gamble just getting out of bed in the mornings.

We even won a little money too. When I went to pick it up so we could leave, he stopped me.

"Let it ride, Tara."

"You already said it's a suckers bet to keep rolling them. We've won a few hundred dollars and we'll lose it."

"If we win, we sin, girl. Let the dice decide our fate tonight."

"If we win, we sin, boy."

He held out his hand. "Blow on it for good luck."

Never once I had I considered myself flirty or seductive. But I was going to give it hell tonight. My fingers rubbed across the top of his chest and played with the button on his shirt. Close to his ear. "Are you talking about me blowing on the dice or something else?"

"Oh, you are getting so much better at the flirting thing. You better blow on the dice, at least for now. We'll talk about what I want you to blow on later." We both laughed a little before I did it and I gave him a kiss for good luck.

"Ms. Tara." The sound of familiar voice came from behind us. It ended our kiss rather quickly.

"I'll take some of their action." Marcus threw down several one hundred dollar bills down on the table. With a young girl dressed up by his side. A couple of his crew members were hanging back from him. They were his guards for the evening no doubt.

It wasn't as much of fun win for us after Marcus came. "Why don't the two of you join us for a drink?" We were reluctant of course but he kind of insisted and wanted to talk about business with us.

"Let's just get this out on the table between us. I already know you are bedding Teller's old lady. So there is no need to hide it."

"I haven't been with Tara just so we are clear on it." Kyle was defensive. Everyone accused us of it all the time, hell might as well do it now.

"Kyle, I could give a shit less if you are. But I do care about business. It has been run in the ground and now I have some of the Sons enemies knocking at my door because of it. Jax cannot keep lodge business and his gun business separated. It's starting to bleed all over my club. That's when I'll do what I gotta do to make the bleeding stop. It would be a wise thing for you to do Ms. Tara, talk Jax in to selling out his part to me before we lose it all."

"I don't have any say in the lodge anymore or club business for that matter. The odds are Jax won't listen to me, Marcus. I can try when he gets back tomorrow, it's the best I can do for you."

"Well, he better listen to someone soon. Cause the shit is coming down hard now. You two have a nice evening."

"Hey, Marcus can I ask you something?"

"What is it, Ms. Tara?"

"What makes you so certain Kyle and I have been together?"

"It's the way you look at each other, it's a private world all of your own. Have a good night."

Kyle and I avoided making eye contact with each other all the way to the elevator to get the hell out of here. Not even a single glance in the others direction was made.

Once the elevator doors closed Kyle went to hand me some of the money we won. "I don't want it. But it was fun. This is just another thing I've never done before."

He shoved some of it down in my front pocket anyway. "You earned it, it's your part. You did blow me, I mean on my dice so we could win."

"You're such a little shit sometimes." I couldn't help to smile and laugh at him. But our smiles turned to something else rather quickly as close as we were standing to each other.

Kyle pushed the stop button on the elevator. It came to an abrupt one too. As it rocked under our feet when it did. "Admit it, Tara."

"Admit what?"

"You feel it too."

"I don't feel anything."

"The fuck you don't."

Kyle pushed my body to the back of the elevator. Mine was trapped by his against the wall as close as they touched. Pinning my arms above my head to the same wall with his hands. His lips brushed mine. Not innocently or tenderly either as normally; hot, fiery, passionate and teasing me with them.

This was a demanding side of him that never came to the surface with me before. I wanted to pull away from him before I lost myself but I couldn't seem to. He seduced my senses and I could no longer think straight about anything but the here and what was in front of me right now. "Tell me, Tara." He whispered it so slowly, prolonging each letter of my name as if to savor them.

Kyle unexpectedly let go of my arms and his hand drifted down to my hips. They settled there as he pulled me in even closer to him. I inhaled sharply as I felt his warm chest heaving for a breath against mine. "Say it."

"I am starting to feel all the things we talked about and what you told me I would."

The elevator was moving on its own again as our mouths and tongues did as well. We didn't stop the long kiss until the door came open for us to get out. People were staring at us standing in the middle of the elevator holding on to each other when they wanted to get on. But we didn't care if they did.

We collided in the elevator on the outside and inside by what I admitted. We seek shelter from the world and what hurts us by being with each other. There was no a longer a shelter we could run to from each other anymore now.

It was really quiet between us as we walked around. Until we came to a wishing fountain. Kyle gave me a coin. "Make a wish with it."

"I'll need more than one coin for this shit to work."

"Well, you only get one wish, girl. So you better make it count."

It wasn't like it was magic genie to make our three wishes come true anyway. So we shared a couple of wishes with the other. I liked his the best. "It's my dying wish actually. To know there is something real in this world before I go. That it really is possible."

Since we agree to be totally honesty about everything on our minds. We tried something new. Letting old skeletons out of their closets so they could vanish from our lives as well.

"On the count of three we say what we are scared of together…one, two, three." We laughed at the others answers and possible at own even. Because they were a bunch of crap and we knew it.

"Let's say what we're really scared of this time." Kyle and I joined hands. It was time for some brutal honesty for the both of us. "Ready Tara, one, two, three." It wasn't an extremely long list. Some of our answers were the same while others were our own independent ghosts and demons we still had to deal with. "Now, we are equally vulnerable by the other knowing what our true fears are. I trust you with them and a lot of things actually."

It was a healing of our lives, scars and old wounds with one small admission at a time. I've never been honest about a lot of things even with myself. I found it so easy to do it with him though. But when we came to a place that sold ice cream he had something else on his mind now. He asked if I wanted anything and I didn't. I would just have some of his.

"You are really in to those things aren't you?"

"I am. We can share it if you want some?" Like we ate the ice cream cone before. His arm went around me and we shared the strawberry shake between us. We didn't hurry to go anywhere. Meandered with no particular place to be at. A teenage boy and girl were hand in hand as they passed us by.

"Aw, I love it when old people are sweet with each other. I want to be that way when I get old." As the girl made the comment we looked around to see who she was talking about. The boy agreed with her too about the old people. Then it became a reality of what she meant.

"Are those little shits calling us old?" Kyle seemed offended by them.

"Yes, I believe they are." But actually, I wasn't offended at all. It was nice to be the one envied instead of envying others for once.

We found an empty bench to sit down on. Where we worked out all of our others problem at. The last time I checked my phone three hours had passed by already of us just talking and caring about what the other had to say.

"She was fucking around with him before I ever left the last time. I didn't see it. Or maybe I didn't want to. The day after I deployed she filed for divorce. It's not uncommon when you're gone as long as we are to give your wife power of attorney, we all did it. It wasn't like I could come back even if I wanted to because something had to be done here. You're supposed to trust them with your everything and I did. Only I couldn't trust her. By the time I got back; I was divorced, she was remarried, he adopted my son and I had nothing left. My son doesn't even have my last name anymore. But it was too late to do anything about by then. It was already done and over with. Jax gave her the perfect excuse for when Zac gets older and he finds out. She can blame it all on me, I ran off and left them."

"I am so sorry for what Jax did to your son. If I could do something about it or change it, I would. You have taught me so much about life and caring about other people."

"You've taught me a lot to, Tara. Maybe it was I just left her lonely for too long while I was gone. I've watched you with Jax and how unhappy he makes you by him never being around. As far as I know, she is actually happy now. I could have just been the wrong person for her and he was the one who she is supposed to be with. It doesn't make me hate her any less because she couldn't have just told me she was done and wanted out. But I didn't even see those things until I met you. I didn't see a lot of things until I've been around you. It's getting late we should head back now."

"Before we go Kyle, are you going to ever tell me what happened between you and Jax? What exactly do you think he going to do to hurt me?"

"It stays between me and Jax. After tonight, he won't hurt you because I will not do this with you anymore. I can't take the risk he will find out and do something stupid." No matter how many more questions I asked about the subject he refused to give out any information. So, I gave up and went on.

The air had been cleared around us. We got out what bothered us the most, mistakes we've made in the past, our fears and the beliefs of what the good brother held for me.

So to be playful back to him for what he did to me in the elevator. I wanted to test his little theory when we got back in the truck. I needed to know for sure if just my touch took him to that place or not.

Slowly up Kyle's leg I ran my hand to where it ended. I might have casually brushed against a place I wasn't necessarily was aiming for, a couple of times. I saw his grip become harder on the steering wheel as I did it a few times more.

"You are not getting to me at all, girl. So, don't even think you are."

"Kyle."

"Yeah."

"You're driving the wrong way down a one way street, boy. I was just waiting to see if you even noticed."

"Shit." He slammed on the brakes and tried to get us turned around to go in the right direction. Of course it was with another illegal you turn to do so. "Don't say anything, girl."

"Anything."

"You're definitely getting better at the smart ass part too, Tara."

The direction he went in was leaving anything nearby. More open spaces and not many houses. With less lights on anywhere as we passed by. "Where are we going?"

"To a place we've never gone before, for the both of us." It didn't take him long to find the place either.

"Seriously, this is where you picked?"

"Why, not. It's quiet, no one around."

He parked outside of town. Like a couple of teenagers trying to locate a spot to make out. It was he actually had in mind for us too.

The more we kissed and touched, the more I actually wanted to. It was so hot in here, the condensation built up on the widows.

"Are you sure, Tara?"

"Maybe I just need to know what your touch will do to me, if anything. I want to know if it's true or not. I can get excited by just your touch and you get excited by mine. I'm sure of that much." Kyle reached in the back seat and got a blanket. "Seriously? You got a Mickey Mouse blanket you carry around with you?"

"It's Cody's. I won't tell him if you don't." Kyle got out and waited. "Are you coming with me?"

"This is the last time I am going to ask you, girl. Are you sure you want to do this?" My answer to him was a kiss. There wasn't wasted words between us nor space either as tight as the embrace was we were in.

We laid together on the blanket with Kyle only touching me and nothing more. His hand found its way through my hair, playing with the ends of it. On to my face, he gently felt it with his fingertips as our eyes were locked only on each other and there wasn't anything else around us in the moment. Down to my sides and his hands roamed to my legs too. He was in no hurry either to do it. There was no grabbing or groping, just simple caresses. He liked to touch my hair and face the most because he always went back to do it again and again.

He didn't linger in one area long either or only picked the couple of spots men like to find. So far he hadn't touched me in those spots as of yet. When his mouth made its way to mine, I began touching his body as well. My fingertips grazed the side of his face while our kiss deepened. The buttons came undone on his shirt to easily. His bare chest called out for my attention. As he went to reciprocate the same, I hesitated.

"What?"

"I'm not really comfortable with anyone seeing my body."

Kyle ran his thumb over my nipple ring through my shirt. "I put it there. I've already seen you. You never have to hold back with me; what you want, like, need or don't want to do. If you don't want me to, I won't take it off."

Somehow he eased an insecurity I've had for so damn long with the sensual and desirable way I felt around him. How he was aroused at thought of seeing my body once again since he had seen it before. Because he seen me and only me. I knew there wasn't another woman on his mind I had to compete with or was remotely compared to.

Instead of admitting it to him, I put his hand back on the hem of my shirt. He only ran his hand up the bottom of it. Over my stomach on to my sides and he loved to give slight squeezes to my skin as he went. Even though I gave permission, he still didn't try to take my shirt off.

Our tongues slid and moved with the others. He liked to do it inside and outside of my mouth. While we kissed and afterwards. His tongue also trailed down to the top of my shirt after feeling it on my neck. He only kisses where bare skin was exposed. What I liked the most was he never stopped wanting to touch my body, all of it. Nor left my mouth lonely for too long before he made his way back to it for another kiss before continuing on.

Most got right down to the business at hand and never took the time to leave you breathless with just their touch. There was a very strong possibility it was only his touch that could do this to me and he was right all along.

But once Kyle did help me wiggle out of the shirt from where I laid. His gripping hold on me became much stronger than I would ever admit either. Our skin was slick from the sweaty rhythm our bodies moved in. There wasn't a question to the other what the next move would be as we just seemed to know. By the arm his one hand held on to me, while his other went under my head. As the full weight of him was felt on top me.

He pushed my bra strap down off my shoulder but didn't attempt to remove it, kissed my body some more. I felt a nip or two with his teeth at my nipple ring through the cup of my bra. My hands went to his hair and it was drenched in sweat, just like I was.

The small amount rocking he did with his body on mine, left me drenched in other places as well. I put my arms around him and felt his back under his shirt while his movements became more dominantly apparent.

"Yeah?" Kyle waited to see what I wanted to do. How much farther it should be taken.

"Oh, yeah."

When Kyle brought my legs up to his hips and moved; I was done for and a goner. My back arched involuntarily as though I was following his lead to a forbidden place. I couldn't help to moan loudly wanting more and he wasn't even inside me. The sensational way our bodies responded to each other was explainable.

I could feel his abs contracting against my bare skin when he raised up and back down with each movement he made. The longer and harder he pushed on top of me, the more I desired it, wanted it and needed it. Our rhythm was in perfect sync with one another. "I gotta stop."

Just as I was really getting in to it and felt all the sensations he had been talking about, he was done. He gave me another kiss before he rolled over on to his back and stared up at the night's sky beside me on the blanket.

Since, I wasn't sure why he quit. I didn't want to push the issue with him because perhaps the answer wasn't what I wanted to hear. He finally rolled over to his side to face me. "I didn't want to stop, Tara, I had to. Or it would have gone past just us touching. It's my fault, I'm the one who got carried away." We laid for a few minutes kissing and just touching each other tenderly once more. "If you only knew what you do to me, girl." With another couple slow kisses, he let go of me.

"I know this is totally insane. I can't even really express it well to you, Kyle. I actually had to check several times, because I knew you couldn't be. You're still clothed and I am too. I could have sworn if felt like…hell, I don't even…I…"

"It was a heightened pleasure you never felt before. Yeah, I know it's why I had to stop. You're just now feeling it. What I've felt for a while now. Just your simple touch sometimes does it for me. I've fought it but it's always there." He grabbed both of my hands to help me up from the ground to my feet. "We should probably go."

Kyle blasted the air conditioning on high when we got back in the front of the truck. I had to agree it was hotter than it ever was before between us. He opened his unbuttoned shirt up and let the cool air hit his sweaty skin as he leaned in closer to the vents. "We steamed up the windows earlier. I haven't done that since I was a teenager."

"I've never done it before."

"Now you have, Tara. It's more thing, you can say you know how it feels because you experienced it."

"What about you, how do feel, Kyle?"

"Are we still on honesty, girl. Or do you want me to lie to you?"

"Honesty is good."

"I was afraid that's the one you would pick." He took his phone off the dash to check the clock. "It's four in the morning."

"Kyle, stop ignoring it. Give me honesty. I'm a big girl and I can handle it."

"I feel like laying you down on a bed of sweet surrender. Where we can work it all out. I feel like letting go of everything. I wanna touch you and let it wash all the hurt away for both of us; until we feel whole again. Feel every inch of you against my skin. Until we feel so close to each other, there isn't anything between us anymore. How's that for honesty?"

"What are you waiting on? Drive already, boy."

"Yes, Ma'am."

My head leaned on his shoulder and with Kyle's hand back on my leg as we went on our way. The grip he had my leg was about the same he had on my body from earlier. He rubbed it up and down with a slight squeeze of excitement on the occasion. We kissed a couple of times and he gave me several to my forehead while he drove.

There were those precise moments you knew exactly what you wanted, needed and desired. You had to find the dividing line of wanted pleasure, needed breaths and desired bodily heaven. Pleasure entwined with sin; as wrongs weren't always mistakes and sometimes you hated the fact of what you loved. But timing was everything. Time had elapsed since I felt those things and when we arrived in front of the motel. If it hadn't of, I wasn't sure any longer.

"You don't need to say anything, Tara. I already know." Time had elapsed for Kyle too. I almost smiled because I was certain the same had ran through his mind as well on the drive back here. "What we want to do isn't what we should do. The worst battle is between what you know and what you feel." He picked up his matching motel room key and handed me mine. "Are you ready to do this with me, girl?"

"Yes, I am." I took his hand and we took our time walking up the steps together. We passed by so many doors which lead to the rooms of sweet sinful pleasure on a bed of forbidden surrender. Then came to place we both knew the way it had to end.

"It can't ever go there between us. I'm not sure I can separate the differences with you. It's not the physical act I'd have trouble with, it's all the other things that go along with it. Because I care about you more than I have a right to. If you weren't married it would be different. You have two little boys to think about first and I wouldn't do anything to hurt them either. But, I don't give a shit who Jax's father is because it means nothing to me. Just like he doesn't." Kyle dropped his motel key in the night drop off box at the motel's office when he was done. Now it was my turn to for honesty and to put it behind me.

"I'm not sure I can ever actually go through with cheating on Jax. No matter how much of an ass he is or how many times he's cheated on me. I've fought hard to keep us together until I am just worn out from it now. Everything is so different with you, I am so different when I'm around you. But, if this were another place and time. You'd be the one I'd take a chance with. Even if it didn't go past sharing just one night with you. I've never felt so much passion and… And, I don't give a shit who your father is either." Once I let the key leave my fingers to slip down in the slot. I let a lot of things go as well. "I haven't decided what I am going to tell Gemma yet. Probably nothing. Tonight did really help me get past a lot of things."

"Well, when I tell the story to Nero. You couldn't keep your hands off me, girl. It was best wild sex I ever had." Kyle took me by surprise with what he said. "I'm kidding, Tara. I wouldn't ever tell him that. Maybe just the wild sex part though."

"You're such a goofball."

"It's part of my charm, girl. You know we did the right thing by not going there. Even if we would have just slept together all night and not done anything but sleep. It would have just been another reason to want more and do it again. Another thing we have to hide when we're around other people. I'm not so good at these days either."

"I have something for you." Kyle went to his truck and handed me what looked like a scroll neatly rolled up with a red ribbon tied around it. "Don't open it until you get home or around Jax either."

"So, this really is it with us, isn't it? I feel like you have told me goodbye forever." There was no way I could hide my emotions from him on the subject. I couldn't really hide much from him as it was.

"Don't do this to me, Tara, don't cry. Nothing will change, we are still friends and I will see you all the time. It's not like I can stay away from you for very long. There isn't anything I can do about the situation. You know it's not what I want. But, I won't let Jax hurt you because of me." Kyle hugged me for a long time. When he finally let go of me, he totally let me go for good. Even I wasn't blind enough not to see it or feel it. "Besides, being in love with a married woman leads to the road of nowhere for everyone involved."

"Are you saying you love me?"

"Don't flatter yourself, girl." With one final tender kiss he walked away. More than just walked away from me though in the end.

"Hey, Kyle." I was hoping he hadn't heard me as quietly as I said it. But of course he did and since I had his attention. "I sort of don't love you either."

"Yeah, that's what I thought. You better get home before Jax does."

It was truly a cleansing of the soul tonight for me. I wasn't sure either if I should love Gemma like my mother or hate her for making me even go there to such a place. I've never been truly brutally honest with even myself in life. But damn, if I wasn't now.

This was another new ride I took down a road to a completely different outlook on life. The next time I remotely thought Jax was fucking around on me; it wouldn't be a Harley I took it out on with a baseball bat. It would be his favorite body part.

If I could pass up what I did tonight with Kyle for Jax, he'd better work hard to do the same for me from now on. I would break the cycle of it one way or the other. Or he wouldn't be able to use his dick anymore period. If the others seen it, they too would take the hint of it eventually too. It ain't easy being the queen without slapping the king's dick in the dirt once in a while. There were a lot of things I found myself agreeing with Gemma on these days.

After we reached Charming, Kyle honked as he went his way and I went mine to go home. I did the same back. I let him go tonight and as well he did me. This time it was a mutual agreement between us. We've healed each other in so many ways and I couldn't find one bad thing with it. No matter what anyone else thought.

There didn't seem to any longer be a force pushing us in each others direction as of today. In a matter of hours, it almost all but went away. The choices we made tonight were of our own doing. For once, the chaos and drama wasn't there among us either to push even closer together. Telling us we needed each other more than ever. It actually felt good to have a pleasant time instead of feeling lonely and miserable. I haven't had one in so long now.

Maybe John just needed Kyle to know he didn't abandon him and how much he really loved his mother. The rest of it, we both were still unclear on. Or what we should actually do about it. Only time would tell us what direction to go in next with it all.

The only direction I had on my mind now was to go home and either accept my fate for where I had been tonight. Or to get over the fact Jax hadn't come home all night because he stayed at the patch over party.

It was dark and empty inside the house. But I wasn't on the inside any longer. The red ribbon it was wrapped in untied with a single pull. When I unrolled the paper. Kyle gave me the drawing he had done of Abel, Thomas and myself. It was completed with a room drawn in around it. It wasn't a place I recognized but it was beautiful with the shades of light reflected through the window surrounding us. A small piece of paper was rolled up inside of it too.

Tara,

You have the face of an angel; the pretty eyes that shine when you're happy. This drawing is to remind you of it. When I see you with Abel and Thomas, you touch my heart so much. I find you to be the happiest while you hold them and it always shows. I see you the most beautiful, when you smile that smile.

Whenever you come around me. I get weak in the knees; and I lose my breath because you always take it away. And when you smile that smile, it turns my world upside down. There has never been another woman to have this effect on me other than you. I've tried to tell you so many times but the words won't come out. I'm scared to death, to actually speak them out loud. If I do, I can't pretend it's not how I feel about you anymore.

Don't ever expect me to say this to you because I won't. Not that it really matters much now because I had no choice but to let you go. I just want you to be happy and I needed you to know how I really see you.

Kyle

For twenty minutes I debated if I should or not. I was certain he wasn't asleep yet. So, fuck it. I called him.

"Hello."

"Thank you. I love the picture."

"You're welcome."

"I really want you to be happy too because no one deserves it more than you do. There are so many things I want to say to you. I…"

"Don't go there. Please, don't make it any harder than it already is. You have a way of always changing my mind, don't do it this time. Goodnight, Tara."

"Goodnight."

One would have thought all of this would have made me sad and weak. But it didn't because I knew he was right. When you never had an experience so great; you held on to those five special minutes for a lifetime. Especially through the tough and rough spots in your life. "Damn you, Gemma. You just had to prove me wrong."

To the freezer I went. I would taste at least one guilty sweet sinful pleasure tonight. I dipped out a huge spoon full of my favorite ice cream. "You better love me Jax. You got no idea what I give up for you and us."

But with each new dawn brought, it was a new day. That was still unwritten for the way you wanted it to be. It was true if you stop carrying so much hate in your heart, love was more dominate. It took over your heart, soul and life. I set out on the step while I had my coffee and enjoyed the warm rays of the sun on my face. The wind was low today. It barley blew the wind chime to make a noise. The sweet clank it made against the slow melody it played made me smile. "Yeah."

Jax would no longer hear anything about the past from me. Everything about us would be based from today forward. We all make mistakes, did things or didn't do things we regretted and wish we could do them over. This was his do over without my saying so.

But help his ass if he fucked it up again. I never thought I could get right with knowing he had cheated. Honestly, it didn't matter anymore if had a hundred women. It would only take one from now on to make his life a living hell at home. Just like with me.

When I tried his cell he didn't answer it. Nothing new about it either. There were times when he rode on his bike he couldn't actually hear it and wasn't just ignoring me. So, he got a free pass on it too today. "Hey, baby. I'm taking the kids for some fun today. I'll see you when you get home. I love you, Jax. I can honestly say I do. Bye."

As I got dressed and put my makeup on, I noticed the same smile I wore on my face now. If you were truly happy you passed it on to the people who you surrounded. It was remarkable the differences you made in our own life without knowing so. It also worked in the adverse effect as well. If you were miserable, you passed on the misery to those around you and your love ones without trying to.

With love, sunshine and a healthier heart I went to get my babies. I would make sure I passed on a lot of things to them as well and reminded them of what lasted a lifetime when they needed it. Especially when they got older. When you couldn't find any happiness in your life, sometimes you have to just make your own.

Gemma was outside smoking when I pulled up. I laughed at that woman's timing. She didn't even let me get up the steps until she was on me. "Well, don't you have a pretty glow to you, sweetheart. You look extremely happy today."

"Yeah, I really am."

"And?" Gemma wanted full detail but she would never get them from me. No one else ever needed to know what did or did not take place between us. But more so what didn't actually happen.

"Thank you, Gemma. For everything. I still can't believe you're leaving here."

At first Gemma didn't expect me to hug her so tightly or with so much love. Nor did she want me to see a tear escape her when I did. I now understood exactly why to, love and emotions only make you weak on the inside and the outside when you show them to someone. So I let her go from my life too when I let her out of my grasp. It was time for me to sink on the ship I was going down on or to reach out for a life rafter to seek safety from it. But do it on my own this time.

"Why don't you leave Thomas here with us since he is asleep? Grandma and Grandpa will be gone soon you know and you can spend some time with just Abel."

"Are you ready to go, baby? We are going to have fun with Nicole and Cody." Abel was so excited he tried to tie his own shoes. He got it mostly right but I had to redo them so he wouldn't trip and fall down.

Cody was just as excited when I stopped to pick him and Nicole up. He and Abel were talking way in the back seat about everything they were going to do when they got there. It was so adorable to listen to them. They were little adults, our little sweet men.

Nicole handed me a disk to put in. It was the one the boys were singing when we all slept over. They sang it loudly, like at the top of their lungs. Nicole and I laughed for a while then joined in with them too.

"Peek-A-Boo…Peek-A-Boo. Someone's there, but oh my gosh, I don't know who. Is it you? Peek-A-Boo. Give a clue. Guess I'd better go and sneak a peek-a-boo."

With everything going so great today. I would have never expected it to go to shit in a matter of seconds. But fuck if it didn't. A van went flying by us then slammed on the brakes in the middle of the road. They say the worst part was always still to come, it was coming at a vengeance for me too. I didn't see the other van until it came crashing into the side of us. I only had a short time to react as we went off the side of the road.

When I finally could manage to get the car under control again. Where we were headed was not a good place. In a split second I had to choose to possible keep tumbling down the hill of no return or without knowing where we would hit once we reached the bottom. If there were a such a possibility I hadn't hit rock bottom already. Or to proceed to the course of knowing the rocky road we'd take in the end. The one I probably couldn't ever come back from, the road to nowhere. I turned the wheel as hard as I could.

But still we collided with a tree in the front on my side of the car. The rocky road we went down wasn't as bad as I original expected, sometimes they aren't in life either. Only my head bounced off the window and blood already began to trickle down my face when we hit on impact. I tried to get my senses back to me but I felt so woozy. Everything was fuzzy around me at best. The jar to my head had my vision seeing little sparks of light when I would close my eyes and open them up again.

It was the striking blow I felt down on the back of my head after we finally came to a stop which started to make everything go completely black around me.

"Which one is Teller's kid?"

"I don't know, they look alike. Take them both."

I hope you enjoyed reading me!

The next chapter; Brotherhoods will be out in a few days. I'm sure by the name some of you will guess what ride we are going on next in the story.

A reader liked the song I included so much in the story the last time. They issued me a little challenge of putting a couple of their favorites in the story too. While writing a scene around it and making flow in with the story line. Let me know how I did, darlin. See what you started, Jess lol Smooches!

I hoped to have the story completed by the end of July. Since I wrote a murder mystery for Camp Nano this month. It will probably be the end of August when it is finished.

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