Chapter 23
Brotherhoods
Brotherhood~ A group or organization who have the same interest joined together as one.
PART 1 of ?
(I'm not exactly sure how long it will be yet but there will be several parts to it as normal. I hope to have PART 2 and 3 finished by Thursday or Friday.)
The white lights were flickering in and out of my sight. They were coruscating with brilliant sparkle flashes on the occasion. With a dappled marked spots against the darkness of a black surface. It was partly shaded grey against the radiant glow of the white.
Suddenly around me everything was pitch black. My body felt as though it was zooming at the speed of light when I thought I was laying perfectly still. But I gradually became aware of a long, dark passage that was stretched out in front of me. Strange thoughts kept recurring in my head seeing this passage, this tunnel. I was spiraling down it and I couldn't stop.
The start of it was meandering down its narrow path. I noticed side passages branching off to the left and right, their destinations were unknown. All of the side paths appeared the same as the main tunnel: murky and foreboding with evil. As endless in their black expanse as the main passage. Their openings seemingly invited me in from my present path. To take a sojourn, a temporary journey, within their confines.
The struggle began when the white light broke through once more. It was now calling my name to come towards it. Follow its path and don't stray away from it. The elation took over my emotions and I felt incredibly happy and peacefully at home. More happiness and higher spirits than I ever felt before actually.
The white, purple, yellow and coral flowers were swaying in a unison movement in the meadow I was standing in. They were almost performing a beautiful dance as they were surrounding me on the ground. Up above my head appeared as clouds of paradise. Had I died when we went off the road? Was this the promise land of the afterlife?
I knew it wasn't because at a high speed rate my memories replayed continuously like a movie before my eyes. But then, I seen things, I didn't know what they were. A young woman in a long white dress running on a beach. She was being chased by a young man. They were laughing while the waves of water occasionally came in on their bare feet. Once he caught up to her, they stood together with the blue waves lapping against them as they kissed.
But they weren't what had my attention. It was the crow perched on a huge rock cawing. The burning sensation started under my feet as the sand I was standing on turned to fire and brimstone consuming me.
"Dr. Knowles, do you know where you are? I'm Dr. Williams." The shadow of the doctor hoovering over my bed. Was all I could see with the bright white lights shinning down in my eyes.
"My son. Where is my son and Cody?"
"You suffered a head trauma in the accident. I have given you a few stitches. We have already taken you down for x-rays and performed test. I am waiting or all the results to come back to see if you have a concussion or not. You need to stay in bed until then."
The doctor left the room. I shook off the light headed feeling I had when I set up. "Doll, you need to stay in bed." Tig caught me when I tried to stand up.
"I got to get Abel. They took him and Cody."
"Who took them?"
Tig was the first to arrive here. Jax wasn't back to the clubhouse when Margret called there. I explained everything to Tig that happened. The news he shared with me, brought more motherly hurt in the picture.
"Nicole was six weeks pregnant. She lost the baby. I've been running back and forth between the two of you. I'll call Jax again and tell him about Abel. I already called Kyle to let him know about Nicole. But stay in bed, Tara, until I get back. I need to check on Nicole now."
It took me five minutes or more to get my bearing on my feet. I held on to the wall to make it out of the room. I found David setting on the hallway floor.
"Are you okay, David? The baby's yours?"
"Yeah, it's mine or was mine I guess now since she lost it. Nicole won't talk to me or even look at me now. I should have never told her I didn't want to see her anymore. I'm getting ready to deploy again and I didn't want to leave her hanging for months waiting on me. I swear I didn't know she was pregnant."
"I'm sorry this happened. Nicole is just upset. It's a lot to handle. Give her some time then try again is the best advice I can give you. You need to be there for her because she doesn't even know about Cody yet."
"Back at you Tara with Kyle. No matter what he says, he needs you."
"Yeah." It was really all I could say at the moment to his comment. There wasn't much I would be able to do once Jax got here and knew what happened to our son.
"Nicole is back in her room now if you wanna see her, Tara. Are you okay being up?" David just looked at Tig but didn't say anything. When they brought Nicole back up from downstairs. Tig was holding her hand when they took her in her room. David most certainly took notice of it. "What? Why are you all looking at me that way? The kid isn't mine. I just slept with her last night."
There was about to be a huge problem between them. So I stopped it the best I could. "Tig, can you get me a glass of water please?"
"Sure, doll. I'll be right back."
"Nicole hooked up with that shit. Are you serious?" As loud as David was about it. I was surprised if Tig didn't hear what he had said.
"I don't know, David. I truly don't. I wasn't around last night."
"Right. Neither was Kyle. He didn't come home until after I crashed somewhere around three this morning on his couch. He won't tell me where he was either. You wouldn't happen to know. Would you, Tara?"
"Maybe Kyle hooked up with some girl last night and was just late getting home."
"Bullshit. My guess is, he was with you all night. He's hiding it because you're married to the biker."
This place was like a circus with everyone being around, pissed off and the chaos going on with the boys. It only got worse too. At least I slipped away from David before he asked anymore question which I would not answer.
"Where the hell is my grandson?" Gemma had arrived and the scene was about to get completely out of control. The more they tried to keep her quiet the louder she got. "Don't tell me to calm down. Where is Jackson?"
"Jax is on his way, Gem." Tig stated in passing as he handed me a plastic cup of ice water.
"What is everyone screaming about?" They must have released Nicole because she came out in the hallway dressed already.
Gemma was nothing to deal with though once Jax and Kyle got here. They got the basic information the boys were gone and now all the Sons were involved with it. The club members were strung down the hall and some sitting with Gemma and Thomas in the waiting room.
"Where's Abel?"
"I don't know. They took them."
"Who took him?" It came from Jax.
"Who took them?" It came from Kyle.
"Two black vans ran us off the road. The windows were tented and I couldn't see inside of it. I never seen their faces because once the car stopped, they hit me and Nicole in the back of the head according to the matching gashes we have. But when they spoke, they had a Mexican accent. I heard them just before I must have passed out."
"Marcus?" Once again, Kyle.
"Alvarez?" Once again, Jax.
After every time asking the same type of question in a simultaneously pattern Jax and Kyle would look at each other. It finally pissed Jax off. "Why the fuck, are you even here? Abel is my son and I will handle it."
"Cody is my nephew and the fuck you will." Tig called Kyle too once I told him what happened to Cody and Abel. Jax would really be pissed off if he found out about Tig was hanging out with him too.
"What? Someone took my baby? They said my son was fine when I asked them. Cody wasn't hurt." Nicole now knew the truth. When she asked the doctor about Cody. He looked at who was admitted from the accident and didn't see Cody's name. So, he said Cody must not have been hurt.
Tig had Nicole in a tight embrace. "It's okay baby we will get him back."
"I gotta get out of here before I kill him." David was off for the elevator. I don't think anyone even noticed but me with all the commotion going on.
"You've been hanging out with his sister?" Well, Jax figured out who Nicole was now. Once he was done reading me the riot act, he started on Kyle. "You need to get the fuck out of my sight before I do some serious damage to you."
"I don't give shit what you want, Jax. This is about the boys and I'm not going anywhere. It's just more bullshit you probably caused."
With round three in progress between them. I went back to my room and just shut the door. All I could think of was my baby boy and where Abel was. If he was okay. How scared he must be without me there to protect him with a bunch of strangers around him. If they were mean to him and Cody.
"Tara, I need to get your statement." Chief Roosevelt was already here. It's probably why it got quiet all of a sudden out there. I told him the same thing I told them. I truly knew no details to find my son.
"You and I had a discussion a few months back when your car mysteriously blew up about what happens with the enemies of the club. I need to know who the enemies are to help find your son. I'm sorry you're going through this but I can't help you if you don't help me."
"The club has no enemies. We've been over this. We're just mechanics."
"I'm taking to Tara. Not you Jax." At some point Jax had joined us in the room and Roosevelt continued to ask me things I didn't have any answers to.
"If you can think of anything, Tara. That will help in this investigation call me. Or if you feel threatened and need police protection, call me then too." I think Roosevelt threw the last part in just for Jax. "I want to talk to you next, Jax."
They weren't gone long when I had another visitor and he was just as furious as Jax was. "Where did Boomer go? I saw you were talking to him when I came in."
"I don't know where he went to. He is upset Nicole lost the baby."
"Baby?" From the shocked sound in Kyle's voice. He knew nothing about it. I was the dumb ass that just told him.
"I guess you haven't talked to Nicole yet. She was six weeks pregnant."
"Why would Boomer be upset about Nicole's baby?"
"Um…I…"
"Tara."
"They were seeing each other and it's his."
"You knew and you kept it from me? What the fuck else have you not told me about?" When I didn't say anything Kyle only got louder. "Tara."
"Get the fuck out of my wife's room."
They were going back and forth and I had enough of it. "Both of you shut the fuck up so I can think." Once I realized how loud I was. I tried to calm down so we could rationally talk about it. "We have to find Abel. He could die without his medication. All this trauma could set off one his attacks."
"We will find him, babe. Do you remember anything else?"
"They weren't sure who to take. After they said which one is Teller's kid. The other guy was the one who said take them both."
"We got to find them fast. If they find out who Cody is and he has no value to Jax. They might…"
"We will find them both." Nero came in and until he spoke I didn't even realize he was here in the room with us. "Can I talk to you, Jax?"
"Later."
"Not later, Jax, now. Or I will say it here in front of Tara and I don't think you want that shit to happen."
Kyle sat down in the chair beside my bed in defeat. "Out of all the places I could have landed. I came to this fucked up town. Look at all the damage it's done around me. They will kill Cody once they know for sure which one is the right kid. I hate to even think what they might do to Abel once they figure out he is Jax's son. I should have never stayed in Charming and started any of this with you, Tara. The blame goes on me for all of it. Now, I've made my family suffer from it too."
"Kyle…" He slammed the door on his way out of my room and wouldn't even talk about it.
The blame didn't only fall on Kyle for what transpired. It landed on all of us because there were so many people who were a part of it. Mostly, on me. By the choices I've made over the years, this was how it all ended up being.
"I had no right asking you for any of this, Tara. Wanting you to stay and be a part of what I am. I didn't think it through. Obviously, it's what I do. I don't think shit through. What I do to other people and those around me. You should have gone back to Chicago. The shit that happened with Kohn, that should have been the end. This has to be the end. You gotta get out of Charming away from me. It's simple, you don't belong here. Are you mine, Tara? I won't survive if you ever leave me. I know I've broken a lot of promises to you over the years. It was because I was scared, I'm not anymore. Every promise I made, I wanna work on keeping them to you now. Even when you wanna run Tara; I won't let you go or give up on us. I wake up most of the time feeling like you are going to leave me just any day now."
"You think I should get an abortion Margret because the father is a criminal, an outlaw. I think you should get an abortion because the mother is unsure, Tara. The bond you have with Jax is one from your adolescent youth. Nothing that will last."
"I'm scared to leave, scared to stay here, scared to be a mother. I'm always looking at it, Jax. All of this shit is always staring at me or slapping me in my face. We don't know who we are until we are connected with someone else. We are better human beings when we're with the person we're meant to be with. Mommy will always be here fighting for you, baby. No matter what I gotta do son. Abel, you will have the right to choose your own decisions. I love you, baby."
"We'll find Abel, babe."
"You need to find them, Jax. Cody is with them too."
"I know and we will."
"I'm sorry…"
"I don't even care about why you were with his sister and her kid. I'm sure you've still been seeing Kyle and lying to me. Especially since you're such good friends with Nicole and he wasn't shocked at all that you are. So, I know he is aware of it and probably has known the entire time. We will talk about it but not now. I've gotta focus on finding Abel first and my rage will get settled later with Kyle. I do want to know one thing though."
"What?"
"Do you still love me, Tara?"
"Yes, I do love you. More than I think you will ever know."
"That's all I need to know for now." Jax gave me a kiss and hugged me. This was one time I could actual sense love coming from him back for me. There were times in the past I just couldn't feel it from him anymore. "I promised you, I am going to make shit right with you. I'm working towards it but I can't do it on my own. I will never let you go or give up on us. I love you."
Another weak breakdown on my part came once again. I clutched Jax's leather in my hands as he held me while I cried. I cried for so many people I love. For my sons who had no true choices in their lives. My husband who got drug to hell and back by all those around him. Nicole, the innocent by standard who was with me at the wrong place and at the wrong time. Her son, Cody because he was with us, just along for the ride. Kyle for all the burdens he took on because of me.
"Jax, I got him on the phone." Bobby handed Jax one of the prepays and he went to take the call.
Jax officially called a lock down at the clubhouse for all the member's families. They took Thomas back there to be safe. While Jax went to chase down a lead on the boys. I was waiting on the doctor to bring in my results so I could get released too. Rat stayed behind posted at my door and so did Gemma. The rest, who knew where the hell they went to.
It was a couple more hours of my pacing and staring at the walls reliving all the shit from the past. Before the doctor finally gave me the go ahead to leave. The twelve stitches I received to my head was the least of my worries.
Even more worries came when we got outside of the hospital. Gemma lit up a smoke because she seen who was waiting for me too. "I'll give you a minute."
Rat wasn't so compensating with the situation. "Jax will be pissed off if he finds out you talk to Kyle. You should keep moving, Tara."
"You better step the fuck away from me before I get seriously pissed off." It was the warning Kyle gave to Rat. From the coldness in Kyle's eyes I think he would have carried through on it too. Standing before me was a different man than I had seen in the past. One who could be as mean as others I know.
"I'm here with Tara. Nothing is gonna happen to her. Just give her a minute, Rat." Nero took Rat off to the side. I had no idea what they were talking about.
"Jax knows I've been seeing you still. You need to be careful, Kyle."
"I don't give a shit what Jax knows. Did you tell him that too? You told him everything else we've done and left us all knee deep in shit because of it. He knew it all; the Lodge, Collette, Charlie. Also about me and you. I didn't want to believe you would do that, Tara."
"What the hell are you talking about, Kyle? I never told Jax you guys did any of that."
"It doesn't even matter now how Jax found out. The damage is already done from it. I asked you to tell me the truth about everything. You conveniently forgot to mention Abel had been kidnapped before. Didn't you think it might be something important you should have mentioned? It's not something you just toss off and forget about. I'm such a stupid fucker. I just keep getting sucked right back in with this shit."
"Kyle…"
"I don't want to hear it, Tara. You know, I might be slow to catch on sometimes. But I am really starting to see how Odin and John were taken out so easily. They were only blinded by one thing and it's why the women were no match against them. You stayed here even after your child was put through this shit before. What the fuck is wrong with you? I don't think I even really know you at all."
"Will you just let me explain?"
"No, I won't. There is no explanation you could possibly give me to make any of this shit okay. I have done everything I can to make sure you and the boys are alright. You got no idea what I've done to protect you. Just to find out you're as fucked up as they are by staying."
"You're right Kyle. I have no idea what you have done to protect me because no one will tell me anything."
"I have…"
"Kyle, enough. Tara, you should go now. We will do what we gotta do to get the boys back." Nero interfered with what Kyle was about to say because he was in the middle of our conversation now with Gemma. He kissed Gemma goodbye and she seemed as frazzled and unglued along with upset too.
"I'll take you to the clubhouse, Tara. I already went by the house and packed some bags for all of you. I will meet you at home, Nero."
"Everyone is on lock down at the clubhouse. Aren't you and Nero coming too?"
She and Nero exchanged a long glance with one another before she would say anything. "No, we're not." Then that is all she would throw out there.
"Why? What is it no one wants to tell me?"
"We've all done a lot of shit to protect you and the boys. You should get in the car, sweetheart and stop asking question you don't really want answers to."
"Maybe it's time you did know some truths, Mama." Gemma shook her head no to Nero. She overruled him once again. With just a glance from her, she held the power of persuasions over him.
At least I wasn't the only one who was getting it today. Boomer was coming back from the parking lot and it was now his turn.
"You, son of a bitch." Kyle was up in his face. "Is there something you need to tell me about my sister?" Poor David, he was faced with same issues. Of what he done coming back to bite him in ass. Just like me.
Gemma took me to the clubhouse with Rat following behind us. She was unusually quiet. I knew she was just as worried about Abel. But there was something going on. More than I could get her to say.
"I'll be by to check on things here tomorrow. I love you, sweetheart."
"Gemma…"
"There isn't any more that can be said. Kiss Thomas for me and tell him I love him." She pulled away as soon as I shut the door to the car. Not even a glance in the rearview mirror came from her. They opened up the gate and she was gone.
"I'll help you with your bags, doll."
"What the hell happened to your face, Tig?"
"Jax and I had discussion."
"Just a discussion?"
Tig shrugged it off like it was nothing to be concerned about. "It was a loud discussion."
The first thing I did was take my son. I held on to Thomas tighter than I needed to. I set down on the couch with Tig and Nicole. He was comforting her. I could tell by how puffy her eyes were, she had cried herself out for the moment.
"What's she doing here?"
"Nicole is with me, Jax."
Jax didn't say any more about her. But I could tell he didn't want her to be here because of who she was related to. I sure as the hell wasn't going to bring it up either.
It surprised me though Jax took Thomas from me and wanted to hold him. I needed to get away from everyone and all this shit to catch my breath.
There wasn't a crib in Jax's room. I went in Gemma and Clay's old one. They had a crib Abel used to sleep in when he stayed here. On top of the blanket was his tiny blue Sons hat.
With it held to my chest like I had done to Abel thousands of times, I broke down. I couldn't contain the tears any longer. I leaned my head back against the crib as I set on the floor and tried to remember those moments when my son was in my arms. Safe from the world with his mother who loves him more than anything.
"Let's go lay down, babe."
With me on one side of Jax and Thomas laying on the other. He held us both tighter than he had in a long time.
For the rest of the day and night after we got up. Jax had Thomas. He fed him, actually changed diapers and took Thomas with him where ever he went in the clubhouse. Now, if Jax would just keep this up and show Abel the same attention and love when he comes home.
SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA
"Yeah, well, I reinstated myself until Tara is feeling better and the boys are home safe. If that's a problem, Jackson. Talk to your queen. You know the rules. Sorry, if you don't like it. But, I don't really give a damn. The old queen is here to stay for a while."
Nicole and I heard the loud commotion from the bar. Although we didn't budge from our room or the bed. The whole club heard and knew the great Gemma had returned. This was how our morning started off.
Gemma threw her bag down on the floor in our room. "Looks like, I'm bunking with you girls."
"Where's Nero?"
"He's got things to do. Don't you worry about him, sweetheart. He will be just fine. It's you girls I'm worried about. It's time to pull shit together and I am here to make sure that happens. No one understands better than I do what you're going through."
Nicole and I just looked at each other. After I rolled my eyes, I laid my head back down on the pillow. She followed my lead and did the same. Our heads, hearts and souls was weary with our boys. Nothing us mattered to us but them.
"Perhaps you didn't fucking hear me." Gemma yanked the covers off both us and went on with her little speech she was preaching to us. "I don't give a shit how bad you feel. Or how much you're hurting. If the two of you give up on the boys, they won't ever come home. You are all they got. Now, get your sad asses up and start fighting for your children. Either they are gone and you want to take revenge on the bastards that did it by cutting their hearts out. Or they are alive and you'll do anything you gotta do to find them."
Gemma left the room. In some ways I was sure her heart was in the right place. But, in others I knew how fucked up and twisted she could be. I picked up the blanket off the floor and covered back up. Why was it so hard for her to understand, I needed to be left the fuck alone right now?
Only Gemma wouldn't do that shit. We felt the tub of cold ice water, cubes and all she dumped on top of us. She drowned me and Nicole in it. Soaking the bed and us. We moved rather quickly to get up out of it now.
"If you are not showered and dressed when I come back. You will find out just how much of a cunt I can be. So, don't push me girls. You'll find, I push back." Gemma slammed the door shut behind her. If I could just find a door strong enough to keep her on the outside sometimes.
"Are you doing what Gemma's said, Tara?"
"Do we really have a choice?" Nicole and both knew the answer to it. It would be simpler to just get the fuck up and do it.
Together two distraught and messed up mothers went to face the day and what it brought. The clubhouse had more guest than it did last night.
"Do you want some coffee? I made coffee cakes to go with it. You should eat something, girls." Gemma was all smiles holding a glass pan with blueberries swirled on top and glaze drizzled on top of the cake.
Nicole and I both agreed with her because let's face it. If we didn't, force feeding might come next. At barley a whisper, Nicole said it coming out of the kitchen. "Jesus Christ. Gemma really is craze isn't she?"
"Oh yeah."
Mary had called I told her to drop the kids off at the clubhouse. She wouldn't stay here even though Gemma invited her in. There was just too much damage done to Mary's family by the club to be around them again.
It wasn't just Mary either. Ellie didn't want to be here. But, we had no choice in the matter. She finally surrendered to the fact and went to Jax's room to watch television. Kenny, he didn't say word about anything.
Gemma, Nicole and I stayed together most of the day. I put Thomas in his carrier to keep him with me when he fell asleep. I checked on Ellie and Kenny when I made more coffee.
With everyone here, the pot was almost always empty. I took cups out to Nicole and Gemma. Then filled mine up again too.
"Kyle, you shouldn't come in here, man."
"Oh shit." All three of us said it at the same time from the table we sat at. When we heard Tig say it.
"The fuck I can't be here. All I want is my sister."
He didn't come alone though. Boomer and Nero was with him. They didn't pull their guns out but, they were readily available when they came in. They were stuck down the front of their pants. Visible for what would come and for all to see.
"What is this shit?" Jax appeared from the chapel.
Nero slammed his gun down on the pool table. "Just doing the right thing, Jax. We don't want any trouble. We're just here to get Nicole, that's all. Then we will leave."
"So, take her already. I didn't want her here to begin with."
"Let's go." Nicole hugged me and Gemma before she got her stuff together. "I'll see you later, Tara."
"Why do you gotta be such a dick for, Jax? This is the last time I am going to say it to you. It will be easier if you work with me on getting the boys back. I want that sit down with you for the information."
"You'll never get it, solider boy. Now get the fuck outta my clubhouse before I decide you leave in a body bag."
"Then so be it. We will do this shit the hard way." Kyle's statement didn't seem to make Jax budge at all.
"Kyle, please, don't leave me here. Please." Ellie must have heard him. She was almost hysterical, half crying and pleading with him.
"I can't take you Little G. I can't…"
"Ellie." As soon as Jax touched her shoulder she started screaming even louder. "What's wrong with you? I didn't hurt you. You belong with us."
"No I don't. Don't touch me."
"Kyle, it's time to go." Nero almost had to practically push Kyle out the door. This was the separation and heartbreak he knew would come where Ellie was concerned. But, there was nothing I could do about it today for either one of them. Any action I would take would only make things worse for the both of them.
Ellie went running after Kyle to the parking lot and she didn't care what Jax thought about it. She got out of the door before Gemma and I could get to her.
Kyle took his dog tags from around his neck and put them around hers. I was confused why he would even be wearing them again. "I'm coming back for those you know that right?" She couldn't stop crying long enough to answer him. "Right?" She finally nodded.
When Jax went out there to them, so did I. Ellie was one of my babies now too. I failed when it came to protecting Abel and I would not fail her. As she seen us coming she repeated the same thing several times to Kyle. "John three, twenty."
"I don't know what that is, Little G. You have to tell me." Only there wasn't time for her to speak again. Kyle hugged her tightly and had no choice but to walk away or to fight with Jax now. It was a fight that would have only hurt Ellie more if it happened in front of her. "Listen to what Tara tells you to do. Go back with her and I will see you later, I promise."
"The fuck you will see Ellie or any of my family again."
The other Sons came out of the clubhouse and this was going to end badly if it wasn't stopped soon. For everyone involved. "You should go, Kyle. Ellie and I belong here with Jax."
"Yeah, I guess you do belong here." Kyle voice dripped in sarcasm and hate when he spoke those words.
With Ellie's hand in mine we got away from them and the chaos of danger that went along with it. Some choices in life were hard. It meant hurting others to protect those you loved. This was one of those decisions I had to make quickly. Ellie needed me more and she was just a child stuck in the middle of this shit. In the long run I was trying to save Kyle as well because he didn't care about saving himself at this point.
Before Kyle got in his truck to leave. He made his intentions clear. "If anything happens to Ellie. I will put a bullet in you, Jax and no one will stop me this time. Not even Tara. You know how good I am at it."
It was more than I wanted Ellie to hear. I took her back inside with me. I got my mother's bible out of my purse to find out what she was talking about.
John 3:20Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed.
"Jesus Christ. Ellie knows."
This little girl couldn't possibly possess the knowledge she does on her own. Something, someone or the crows were feeding it to her. There was so much that was unexplained. But, I had to find out.
"What are you talking about? We are all family here. The club is your family now." The loud sound of Jax carried down the hallway. Kenny was playing his hand held game and content. I checked on Thomas one more time in his crib before I left the room.
"You are just like him. All he ever did was make Mommy sad and cry all the time. Just like you do Tara. I will never think of you as my family because you don't even take care of your own family any more than he did. You and this club is the reason Mommy is dead and I hate you."
The way Ellie spoke of her father was horrible. The way she thought of Jax, broke my heart. It didn't do him any good either. He ran his hand over his face a couple of times. His eyes glazed over with tears. But he would not allow anyone to ever witness it as he fought them back. He disappeared to the chapel before anyone knew just how torn up he really was inside. Only I already knew she reached him.
There were few times I could ever remember Jax being weakened or brought to his knees with anything this life threw at him. But the words of a little girl did just that.
Before I made it to the chapel doors. Tig grabbed ahold of my arm. "You should let Jax sit on it a minute before you go in there." Tig snuffed a couple of times and I swore I saw a glimpse of a tear trying to escape him too. "He's not the only one who failed Opie and his kids." Without any farther elaboration Tig went out the front door.
So, I went to Ellie. She was setting on the bed, back in the same condition she came to me in. Staring at the wall reverting back from life around her. No emotions shown from her what so ever now.
"How do know these things, Ellie? Does the crow tell you?"
"Sometimes it does. When I'm asleep I dream about it. Other times it flashes in my mind like John three, twenty along with the white crow. That's how I know it's important."
"You'll be okay, honey. No one will ever hurt you. I'm here."
We sat together. Both confused of what would come and why. Gemma came in sat and hugged Ellie from the other side. "I'm here too, sweetheart."
"Will you keep an eye on them, Gemma? I want to talk to Jax."
"Sure."
Kenny was the easy one to watch. He went with the flow of what came and never said much to no one. That too worried me about just how messed up he really was and I didn't know because he was so quiet about it.
"Bobby, where's Jax?"
"He's up on the roof."
Up the damn ladder I went to find him. He was smoking just watching life pass him by.
"Hey, want some company?"
"Hey, babe."
"Do you want to talk about earlier, Jax?"
"I felt like I was back in the box looking through the glass again. Locked behind it with no way out. No way to stop it from happening. Completely helpless, weak and dying on the inside watching the ones I love being taken away from me. Screaming no at Opie; no, don't do it. No don't make the sacrifice of yourself for me. No don't leave me. But, no one ever listens and they do it anyways. I don't know how much longer I can hold all this shit together, Tara. It's all crumbling down around me."
Jax was reliving Opie's nightmare tonight just like he does every other day and night. We talked for over an hour about a lot of things. Once he lost Opie, I think Jax lost a piece of himself and buried it inside the box with best friend.
Jax felt crying in front of me made him weak. When I truly found it to be a good man still left in there somewhere fighting its way to get out again. I held on to him this time. It was all just too much for one person to take on alone. "I love you, Tara."
Jax answered his cell after it went off several times. "Yeah. Do you know where my kid is?" It was too brief of a call. Within seconds, he hung up. He clutched his phone and his face was emotionless. Just like I witnessed Ellie's being.
"What is it, Jax?"
"I'm not sure yet. I need to check it out. I love you, Tara and our boys."
"I love you too."
Jax took Chibs and Happy with him. He wouldn't tell me what was going on. Tig was setting outside at the picnic table by the boxing ring when I watched them ride away.
"Are you okay, Tig?"
"Not really. My shit is so upside down I don't think I'll ever get right again."
"What are you talking about?"
Confession of the soul was a dangerous thing depending on whom you did it with. I'd been there and done that shit. When he was done talking I was speechless by the things I heard come out of his mouth. But I would not treat him like I had been. I listened and tried to be supportive. Not to tear him down and judge him. Like I had been judged. When he cried I just hugged him without words being thrown back at him to rip his heart out. Like mine had been.
"My payback came around for what I did to Donna. I watched my baby girl be burned alive in front of me. I couldn't save her. There was nothing I could do. My daughter died for my sins. I see it all the time in my head. When I'm awake, when I'm asleep and at times I still her hear calling my name for help. Sometimes, I hear Dawn and Donna's screams echoing in the quiet of the night. Their pain is always a reminder of what I've done and become."
"Tig, do you want to repent your sins? I have a lot of sins to repent too. Then help me, to help the kids. I need you to get me out here for just a couple of hours in the morning. No one can know about it either."
Sure it was getting us both in deeper if we got caught. But, I had to know and there was only one place I could find out how Ellie knew all of these things. Or I thought it was a good place to start at. There seemed to be a connection there with Donna and Opie.
Gemma knew I was leaving but even she wouldn't be told exactly where we were going. She was watching the kids for me and we had a plan. If we were seen by anyone who shouldn't see us. Or if Jax found out, Tig took me to buy things for the kids. It was one free pass I was certain I could get from Jax in light of what Ellie had done to him.
"How is this going to help out the kids? Why are we at a church?"
"I can't tell you why. But you have to trust me on this, Tig. I won't be long."
Inside was only a couple of people sitting in pews. The doors were open all day to anyone who wanted to come here to pray or to be forgiven for their sins. Donna must have believed because she frequented here with her children.
"Welcome." The preacher was up in front like he was the day I came with Ellie and Kyle.
"This is probably going to sound strange. A woman, Donna Winston, used to attend this church with her children. I am wondering if you knew her or maybe ever talked her. Anything you can tell me about her would be helpful."
"I knew Donna very well. She was very conflicted about her family and what was the right thing to do for them. We had many conversations about it actually. Then one day she just coming here. I didn't learn of her death until after that."
"Did her husband, Opie, ever come with her?"
"No. I never met him. Donna talked about him frequently though. She spoke of the evil inside him and it freighted her. She was especially scared for her children. I see you are wearing the cross now."
"Ellie gave this to me the last time we were here."
"I gave it to Donna. She prayed a lot for her family and battled the evil. The cross was something for her to hold on to keep her faith with."
"What do mean, she battled the evil?"
"Without a grasp on what evil truly is. How can you be expected to fight it? This is what Donna couldn't really understand. Is it a real thing with substance and power or is it a negation of light? When she turned to God, she couldn't understand how he allowed evil to continue on. How is it even possible for darkness to defy the light? It is not a simple solution, because we have already nurtured evil to the point that it thrives and grows each day. That is why it is so important today for us to create more light. Even a little light pushes away a lot of darkness. For every shadow of darkness, we have seen, we must produce megawatts of blinding light. Against that light, evil melts in surrender, having fulfilled its purpose of being. Fight evil with beauty. Defy darkness with infinite light."
"That's what Donna has been trying to tell me the whole time. She has been sending it through Ellie because she is the light."
"I'm sorry, Miss. I don't understand what you're saying."
"Thank you. You have been a big help."
Since, I wasn't a true believer in the past. I had to get right with all of this and pray for my son. I felt so empty on the inside with Abel gone and I was riddled with guilt and worry for the boys. So, I got down on my knees and begged with my hands tightly clasped together.
"I know you have no reason to listen to me. I have done so many wrong things in the past. But, my son hasn't. He is a just a baby and they took him from me. Please, don't let them hurt my son. If you will just do this and bring him back safely to me. I will try to reform my life in many ways. Most of all I will do everything in my power to believe in you again and carry out what Donna tried to do before she was killed."
"Abel will be brought home. But not without consequences."
It startled the hell out of me the voice which came from behind me. The old man I'd seen so many times was standing halfway down the aisle. There was no way with the distance between us he could have heard the whispers I just made. Let alone know Abel's name. When I looked around the church everyone was gone that was just here.
"Opie? Do you know where Abel is at? Is he alright?"
"For every decision made. You suffer the consequences of those actions."
"No, please don't leave. I need to know about my son."
The old man made it through the doors just before I got to him. "Did you see anyone come out of here, Tig?" The old man all of disappeared once again before my eyes.
"No."
My question was answered where he went to when I saw them flying in perfect harmony together. The beautiful white crow was with the black once again. After they made a couple of circles in the air. They drifted lazily around with each other. Almost like a dance in the sky as skimmed through it by letting their wings guide them to the next movement.
Where they made a landing though, freaked me the fuck out. There was only one white bush in the middle of all of the purple flowers surrounding the church. I knew for certain. It wasn't there the last time I was here. It couldn't have grown up with the others in that amount of time either. It was the same place Ellie went to pick the purple flowers.
The musical noises they made from cawing was mesmerizing to some degree to listen to. Those turned in to deeper sounds as I approached them slowly. Before I made it to the bush though, they flew away.
"I wish I knew what these flowers meant."
"They mean; innocence, purity, to honor and remembrance of someone."
"How do you know that shit, Tig?" When he wouldn't answer me. I grabbed two handfuls of his shirt. "Tell me damn it."
"Hey, you got hold of my chest hairs in there." Tig gently removed my grasp from him. "My mother used to have a white rose bush when I was young. She would always give them out to people and tell me about them. She loved flowers and raised a bunch of different types. That's how I know."
"Son of a bitch." I picked several of the white roses. I put aside one for Ellie, Kyle and myself for our mother's bibles. Then put the other roses with the small purple flowers in a bouquet. "Give these to Ellie. Make sure she never forgets Opie. She will forgive you, Tig."
"I think it's gonna take more than flowers for that shit to happen."
"Trust me. She will."
We made one stop before we went back. I left it on his doorstep along with a note.
Kyle,
I know you probably don't want to see me. I get why and I'm sorry for all of it. This is for your mother's bible. I really believe it will help you find forgiveness in your heart someday. Don't do it for me. Do it for Ellie and yourself.
Tara
"Do you got feelings for Kyle? I mean I know it's none of my business, doll."
"Today, Tig to be honest. I don't really feel much of anything except despair and torment. With the huge gaping hole that's been ripped out of my chest; there is mostly emptiness and pain. Until Abel is home and I know my son is safe. I don't think anything else will ever repair it either."
"We will find them."
"Yeah." It was all I could bring myself to say now. If I went on I would break down again. Gemma was right. I had to hold on to hope and my inner strength for my son's sake.
When we went to pull away from the curb, Kyle picked up the note and the flower I left for him. I held on to the forgiveness in my heart too as I hoped he would eventually.
Tig wasn't sure of it at all but he never asked me anything else. Once we made it back to the clubhouse he still didn't know how to approach Ellie. He held those flowers in one hand while he paced the floor with his other hand shoved down in his pocket.
Ellie eyed him when she came in the room. More so those little purple flowers Donna loved so much. She sat down beside me, Thomas and Kenny on the couch and just watched Tig.
"This is for you kid." Tig held out all of the flowers. He swallowed down a couple of lumps in his throat while he waited to see if she accepted them or not. It took Ellie a minute to reach out to take them.
"Thank you." Was all she would give Tig. Not really any emotional bond or forgiveness from her like I had hoped for.
"Yeah, sure."
"Can I put these in water?" I went to get off the couch to search for something to put them in for her. But Tig handled it.
"We will find something, Ellie. Let's go look in the kitchen." She still wouldn't get very close to him. At least she took the leap of faith to start the healing process. Of course she knew I wasn't far from her either and I would never let anyone hurt her.
Ellie placed the vase of flowers on the desk in our room. She opened Donna's bible up and pressed the white rose in it. I did the same with my mother's to the page Ellie opened hers to.
John 12:36 While you have the light, believe in the light, that you may become children of light.
SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA
"We need to get supplies. Why don't you come with me, Tara?"
"I don't want to leave Thomas."
"I'll keep an eye on him, Ellie and Kenny until you get back, doll. Maybe it will do you some good to get some air."
"Maybe it will. Thanks, Tig."
It had only been two days of lock down so far. The clubhouse bar was almost empty and the food supply was about the same way. Gemma went through everything and made an extremely long list of things we needed to buy.
"Did Jax approve of this trip? He didn't say it was okay for you to leave the clubhouse."
"Are you challenging my authority, Phil?" Gemma put her hand on her hip and she was all biker mama today. She moved back in to the head position so easily. I still couldn't master any of it yet like she done it.
Phil looked around nervously. "Um… no Ma'am."
"Good. That means you know where your place is. Now, let's go."
Phil followed behind us to town. When we pulled up to the grocery store there was already a crowd gathered around it.
"What are you doing, Kyle?"
"What I should have done a long time ago, Gemma. I always back down from Jax to keep the peace. I won't do that anymore because I've got nothing left to lose now."
"You need to try to talk some sense in to Kyle. You know what Jackson will do to him, Tara." Gemma took out her cell and called the one she hoped could handle him. "Nero, we got a problem, baby…"
"Should I call Jax?" Gemma shook her head no to Phil while she continued her conversation with Nero.
"Kyle, please don't do this. Jax will kill you."
"I won't back down this time. Not even for you, Tara."
"Is this why you came to get Nicole out of the clubhouse? So you can start shit with Jax? I'm sorry for what I said to you. I…"
"I know exactly how Jax works. He would hurt Nicole just to spite me. He has to find her before he can hurt her now. Don't turn this into a me and you thing, Tara. It's gone way past that shit. I've wracked my brain trying to figure out why you keep doing it. You should want out for your children if nothing else. You are either the most determined, loyal or fucked up woman I have ever met."
"It's not that simple to walk away. Please, don't do this, Kyle."
"I'll get my sit down with Jax one way or fucking another. I'm starting right here and right now."
"Kyle, don't you do it man. Not here." Boomer finally turned his hat around backwards on his head and followed after him across the street. "Shit."
"Jesus Christ."
"And then some, Gemma."
Rat came crashing through the store front window of the grocery store. He laid on the street with all the broken pieces of glass. It wasn't enough for Kyle to have just done that to get Jax's attention. He reached in Rat's leather after a few more punches he received to the face and took out a wad of cash from it along with his gun.
"Tell Jax he is still short on what the fucker owes me. But I'll take this for now." Rat went around to the different stores collecting protection money. It wouldn't only be him Jax took it out on. It would be Kyle too because he just took club money.
Boomer drew on Phil before he got his gun out of his leather. "Put it down on the ground. We don't have a problem with you. So, let's not make one. We want your boss. So, why don't you call him up and tell him that?" It was exactly what Phil done. He made a call to Jax and hell was coming down soon on everyone involved.
Gemma knew what was coming just like I did. She screaming at Kyle. "Do you got any idea of what you've just done? Jackson will come at you hard now and he won't stop."
"I know exactly what I did, Gemma. Let Jax come. I'll even stand here and wait for him."
The roar of their engines was hard to miss. For a couple of blocks, you could hear that familiar rattle of the pipes. The vibration from their bikes got greater the closer they came.
"Tara, let's go. We don't want to be anywhere near this shit." Gemma was dragging me down the street. Until she thought we were a safe distance away. I didn't think there was anywhere that it was safe to be in this town.
Jax was furious when he got off his bike. We could hear him from even where we were. "You're a disgrace to your goddamn patch. Get the fuck outta my sight. Go back to clubhouse and I'll deal with you two when I get back there."
Phil and Rat stared only at the ground the entire time Jax was yelling at them. I actually felt sorry for them and what was to come later. They rode away on their bikes just like they were told to do.
It was hard to hear what was taking place between Jax and Kyle. It was a heated conversation for sure. But we were unable to hear what they were saying to each other. We kept taking steps closer to them until it went to the place I was afraid of.
"Jesus Christ."
"And then some, Gemma."
Jax and Kyle drew on each other at the same precise moment. They were just as fast as the other and just as deadly. Out in the middle of Main Street and neither one would back down.
Cars were slamming on their brakes and honking their horns without prevail. It didn't distract them one bit from what they were doing. People were rushing to get off the streets to safety and shying away from the problem. When the Sons were involved, they knew how it would go down.
"Do you remember that promise I made you?"
"I'm done with your bullshit threats, Jax. Let's get on with it. I know whatever you took of theirs is why they want the boys. They want their shit back. We can either do this together to get the boys or I will make your life a living hell until then."
"Maybe, they took the boys for what you did, solider boy. You're not innocent in all this shit even though you'd like to think so. We're not that different. Or maybe, I'll have a little talk with your sister and tell her what you did that caused her son to be taken."
"The fuck we're not different, Jax. You don't want to go there with me. Or maybe, I'll tell Tara the whole truth about what a piece of shit you really are."
Nero's pimp daddy car came speeding down the street. He showed no fear stepping in the middle of them either, directly in the line of fire. Only he wasn't alone. His crew was right behind him. Now everyone had their guns drawn on each other.
"It doesn't have to go down like this. Think this shit through, Jax. Let's just all put our guns down and talk about it. If Kyle can help get the kids back. Why wouldn't you want him to help?"
"This is not the agreement we made, Nero. You're supposed to be gone from Charming. He's blowing smoke up your ass. He can't help do anything to get the boys back. Get the fuck out of my way before I lose my patients."
It flipped some switch in Nero's head obviously because he was no longer the rational one either. A few feet away he was screaming at Jax. "Do it. Pull the fucking trigger cause I'm not leaving until the boys are safe."
Tig was trying to hold Gemma back from going out to where they were. "Nero." She kept screaming his name over and over. She finally punched Tig in the chest. "Get off me." She was now in between Nero and Jax.
"Put it down, Jackson."
"Get outta the way, Gemma."
"No, not this time, son. You'll have to kill me first."
The chaos just continued to grow on as more of them accompanied us on Main Street. Marcus and his crew rolled up in here like he owned the place. There must have been twenty bikes parked down the middle of the street. With more guns drawn and waiting to kill. Only, he was just causing a bigger war to breakout by being on the SAMCRO's territory.
"Brown protecting brown." Jax finally lowered his gun and so did the other Sons. "You got no business being here, Alvarez."
"Consider this one a friendly visit. Because the next the time you piss on my club, it won't be. I'm just here to help get the boys back. Look at your old lady's face. The heartbreak the mother of your child is going through. We got shit to talk about. Where ever Nero lands on this, has my full support now. So, we can do this any way you wanna do it. But, if you want my help. I'm gonna need something in return for it."
"Marcus, do you know where the boys are?"
"What the hell are you doing? Get off the street, Tara." Kyle was screaming at me. He tried to make sure I stayed behind him. But I didn't care. If Marcus knew something about Abel. I would take a bullet to find out.
"I'm working on getting intel. Maybe should ask your old man why they were taken in the first place."
"Jax." He wouldn't even look at me. "Please, just tell me."
"I got shit to work out with Alvarez. Get off the street, Tara," He and Jax went to talk privately.
"Don't you ever do that shit again. You are going to get hurt. Don't you ever think shit through, Tara?"
"I don't have anything without my children. So, it doesn't really matter what happens to me if they are gone. Please, tell me what you were just talking about with Jax. I know he won't. Please, Kyle."
"I can't tell you. I…Tig, come get her."
Kyle handed me off to Tig where they met half way in the street. Neither one crossing over to the other side because they knew they were enemies by circumstances. Tig was true SOA through and through.
Jax went to talk in private with Chibs after he finished his conversation with Marcus. I caught him before he went to go back to his bike. "I don't care what Jax told you. I own everything and if giving you the Lodge gets the children back. Then I'll sign it over to you, Marcus. Please, just help me to find my son and Cody."
"I'm doing what I can to help Nero and Kyle get the children back. I'm sorry for what you're going through, I really am."
Just when you thought the street could hold no more. Truckloads of them pulled up to too. I already knew most of their faces.
"I got brothers too, Jax. It's not going to be any fun to be an outlaw in this town until I get what I want. This time, it ends the way it should."
"How's that?"
"The good brothers win this one."
Flashing lights probably stopped another fight from breaking out again. Now, the cops were here to try to keep some order of the peace. Which, I don't think they possibly could do. It was too late for any peace to be left in this town.
"What the hell is going on here?" Roosevelt was now up in the middle of all the shit.
"I think I can answer your question, Sheriff." It was Kyle's uncle with papers in hand. "We are here for a special ops recon mission. When my boys pulled out their weapons, it was a big misunderstanding. We have the right to be armed at all times and display our weapons if we feel it is a hostile or threatening situation. I'll make sure it doesn't happen again."
"You are here for an information recon intelligence mission in Charming?"
"Yes, Sir. If you have any questions. You can contact the General listed on the orders. He is my commanding officer and the only one who overrules my decisions."
"Just what mission are you here on in my town? Let me guess, it somehow involves Mr. Brandon."
"That is classified information, Sheriff. I work for the United States Government which supersedes any local town or state laws in place. By the time we are called in, the rule book gets thrown out the window. Again, feel free to contact the General with your questions."
"I want everyone off the streets now. Anyone who remains will be visiting one of my jail cells. As the local law enforcement, I have the right to be advised of any threatening problems which arise. I expect that to happen to."
"Yes, Sir. We always corporate with the law enforcement."
They all started to clear out. Marcus rode away with his crew. Nero's crew left too. But Nero and Gemma both stayed.
"Kyle. Did you hear me boy? You will stand down." His uncle told him to do it. But hell, he wasn't listening to him either. After saying it several more times. Kyle finally went over with the rest of them. "You want to run with us, you will be one of us. That includes listening to what I say. Have I made myself clear?" Kyle once again refused to acknowledge what he said. "Did you fucking hear me?"
"Yes."
"Yes what?"
"Yes, Sir. I heard every word you said. Nero give me your cell phone."
Nero tossed his phone to Kyle. Another one of the guys plugged it to some small hand held devise. "What the hell is he doing to my phone?"
"He's turning it in to a walkie talkie so you can communicate with us, Nero. Don't ask me how he does it because I don't know. He's a techno nerd."
"That's Central Communication Development Intelligence Strategy Chief Officer to you, Kyle. You'd be amazed at what I can do with a tampon, peanut butter and duct tape."
"Pops, are we ready to roll out of here now?" It must be his uncle's name or what they referred to him as at least.
"Yeah, let's get out of here." Then Pops seen the direction the large green truck was being drove in. "Meat, don't you fucking do it."
"Do it. I heard you, Sir. I'm on it." You could hear their laughter coming from the truck as loud as all the guys were. "Pussies." Along with about eight different hands coming out it flipping the bird to the Sons. After the large truck rolled over the bikes they had parked out in the street.
"Goddamn it, Meat. You're a good solider but a shitty listener. The rest of you, let's go now." Pops commanded them and the rest listened to him. Including Kyle this time. He pulled away as they did.
"You are fucking dead. All of you bastards." Chibs was more pissed off about the bikes than Jax seemed to be.
Jax calmly light up a smoke. "Call in the other charters. They want a war; we will give them one. Nobody comes to Charming and fucks with SAMCRO."
I hope you enjoyed reading me!
We will be covering a lot of things in the rest of the parts to Brotherhoods; our outlaw women go rouge with Gemma back in command, more about Donna and Opie, of course working to get Abel and Cody back, the consequences Opie spoke about to Tara, some of those truths will come out to Tara no wanted to tell her and we will be introduced to a new gods and goddess which all play a part of the story as well. Some of you have already got where that is going ; )
Thank you for leaving a review, marking this story as your favorite or alert!