Circling the Crow

by Petersgirl2011

What if Tara never thought about leaving Charming and stood her ground? Would Season 5 and 6 have ended differently? She is trying to be a good mother, old lady and doctor. When conflicts start tearing her family a part it becomes more difficult. Things have to change. Look through Tara's eyes at the chaos and mayhem. See what it really takes to be the queen and stand by Jackson.

24. Brotherhoods, PART 2

Chapter 24

Brotherhoods

Brotherhood~ A group or organization who have the same interest joined together as one.

PART 2 of 5

I'm behind on posting lovelies. I'll try to have PART 3 done by tomorrow. Then 4 and 5 in a couple of days. Also I've read it so many times with it being so long, I can't see straight anymore. I will fix any errors tomorrow.

A special thank you to my sweet Vera. She came up with a couple of songs for me to write in the story line. Not only is she a wonderful friend and an SOA sister. The girl is a genius. Smooches lovely! (Here Without You by Three Doors Down and Demons by Imagine Dragons. They are throughout PARTS 2 & 3)

Some were confused about Pops and Kyle's Marine brothers, who they are. I introduced them to you in chapter 15. When Kyle took Tara to the house to meet them and they helped out at the Lodge. Now they are here to help get the kids back.

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The buzz around town had already begun. The Sons were being chased out and phased out. Or so residents of Charming thought. Other store owners questioned why they were still paying protection money. The club was not held as in high of regards as they were used to being. With a simple display of them being vulnerable as a common man would be. It brought a lot more controversy than anyone expected it to.

Jax wasn't going to have any part of it though. The club needed others to fear them when they walked down the street. Respect them with authority of anything they said to do or the way it was. Without it his authority over the club meant nothing either.

A few nomads had already come to help out. Along with six more charter members from Indian Hills. With more of them on the way. Just a couple of Presidents from various charter that I'd never seen before showed up as well. Only I didn't think they necessarily came to help. From the gathering they all had and the yelling I heard. Jax was pissed off they weren't following his lead on a decision the mother charter had made.

"I'm sorry, Jax. I took it to the table for a vote and it didn't pass."

"Then vote the shit again."

"It's not how it works, brother. I'm sorry to hear about your kid. I'm here to help if I can."

"If you really wanna help. Get your charter on board with this. Before none of us have a table left to sit at anymore."

Tempers were flaring with the intense situation surrounding us all and being in such close quarters. Most of all, Kyle was just really pissing Jax off with everything he done against the club. No one would give me the details of it but they had been going at it for the last couple of days. Along with everyone else today going at it with Jax, including Chibs. They were having an argument as I rounded the corner to Jax's office to make sure he was alright.

"Jackie, is this about the private chats you've had with Galen and the other charters behind the tables back? What promises did you make them exactly?"

"The Irish is never gonna let us walk away without another pipeline. We gotta give them something for their cause. You already know that."

"You're making decisions, big decisions and not bringing them to the table. That's not how this works. Not doing shit the right way. Makes it all crumble down around us. You know that already too. What did the little solider prick mean by, this is part of the reason they took Abel? What the fuck have you done we don't know about? Did you make deals with Kyle without club knowledge?"

"Look at this goddamn charter. We've become the whipping post for the cartel and the IRA. Everyone is just waiting for us to make the next bad move. Brother, nothing here works anymore. It hasn't worked for a long time and that's how we got so upside down to begin with. I'm trying to change it. Give us a future. Yes, if it means I step outta the lines to do it or make a couple of phone calls without saying anything. Then that's exactly what I'm gonna do. What's between me and Kyle is personal now. It's none of your business or the club's business. When I think it is something you need to know about, you'll be the first one I let know."

"Wow Jackie, do you know who you sound like? The guy who used to sit in your seat. The one you hated the most. The one who you were gonna save the club from."

"Everything I do in this club is for this club. I'm not Clay and I won't ever be. So, don't play that bullshit with me, Chibs. We took a vote and we play the shit out now. No matter how deep it gets. It's what we fucking do."

"I won't keep backing this shit. You just set a very bloody war in motion, brother."

"Then don't back it, Chibs. But, do not tell me how to run my club."

They kept going on with other crap but I had already heard enough. To many damn people were keeping secrets from me about what happened to my son and why. Everyone knew except his mother. I finally had to walk away from it so I didn't blow up.

After I poured a cup of coffee, I set down to feed Thomas and thought about what Abel was doing. Where he was at, if he had eaten today and if he remembered what I always said to him. "I love you more than all the leaves on the trees and the ants on the sidewalk."

As I rocked one of my babies, tears came for my other one. I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Are you okay, doll?" Yes, came out of my mouth to Tig but no was dominate in my heart.

"What is your dog's name, Tig?" Ellie spoke to him on her own. It brought different kinds of tears from me. It wasn't as though a miracle had been performed. But for Ellie and Tig it was a huge step.

"I usually just call her dog. What do you think I should name her?"

"Sophie."

"I like it. Do you want to help me feed Sophie?" Ellie went with Tig to the kitchen. She still kept her distance from him and had more interest in the dog than she did Tig. Yet I felt it was good for the both of them.

"Juice, I need that intel. We're waiting for it." Jax had repeated it several times to him for the last hour. He got everyone's attention as loud as he was. The doors were closed with only the presidents invited to sit in on it and church was about to come to an end. I'd say Jax's patients were just about to reach their ends too.

"I don't know how to tell you this, Jax. But you're not gonna get it."

"Why?"

"Our system has been hacked."

They all formed around Juice to see what was going on. Their computer system was all locked up, nothing happened no matter what buttons Juice pushed. The only thing flashing on the screen was a giant yellow hand giving the finger.

"Not only that, but they downloaded all the intel on here." Juices words only enraged Jax worse. Which, I didn't even think that was possible until now. The computer was smashed to the floor.

"Jax, they are all up on main street raising hell. I just got off the phone with Jacob Hale. They convinced him to end all our leases. Some bullshit about it being his patriotic duty. He is bringing by eviction notices tomorrow. That's some bad shit, brother. It shuts down our business transactions from happening. With all the eyes on us, it might cripple us." Even I was smart enough to decipher the code Bobby spoke in. The warehouse with the guns in them wouldn't offer shelter for them anymore. The Sons had too much attention on them right now as it was already.

"Let's go." Jax was out the door before the others were.

"I should probably do a ride along, Gem. To make sure Jax and Kyle don't kill each other." Nero had stayed away from her as long as he could. His visits weren't long here but he started making them more frequently.

"Okay, baby be careful. Take Tara with you. I'll watch the kids." Gemma kissed Nero before we left. I wasn't sure why the hell I had to go but she insisted upon it. She even hired Nitta to help out with all the kids from club members while we were on lock down. So, I couldn't use that excuse anymore.

Nero followed along behind all the bikes. He wasn't very talkative on the way there. When we got to town I noticed they actually parked them at the curb this time instead of out in the street. For those to get ran over like the last time we were here, it was probably a wise choice.

Roosevelt was leaned up against a building drinking a cup of coffee. With several of his deputies hanging out around him with cups in their hands too. It meant trouble was brewing for someone.

Jax wasn't any less furious than the last time we were on this street either. "What is this shit, Nero?"

"It looks like to me a bunch of shirtless white guys in very small black shorts running in a couple of lines down the street. In my hood, we call it a drug deal that probably went bad and it's why the white boys are running to make their getaway. But I don't that's what this is, Jax."

"Fuck you, Nero."

After Jax left I waited for Nero to step up and handle it between them. But he didn't do anything but brace himself against the car and watch. "Aren't you going to stop them?"

"Nah, not yet. It's not time. Let's see where Kyle is going with this first." Nero pushed his shades up on his head because we were about to find out as they all approached closer.

Pops lead them out in front. For being an older man, he still had a nice body and was in great psychical shape. They crossed over in the middle of the street just to get closer to the club members. He screamed it out in a song to the guys while they continued run. "See the woman dressed in brown?"

The guys all answered him back in the same manner. "She makes her living going down."

"See the woman dressed in black?"

"She makes her living on her back."

"See the bikers with a bone to pick?"

"They can all suck our dicks." The guys weren't shy about singing it loudly for the club either. Or by the motion of grabbing theirs through those tiny shorts they all had on for all to see.

As their lyrics and gestures only got to be ruder as they went on. Meat even turned around at the end of the line and blew Jax a kiss for more irritation as they ran by him. That huge muscled up bastard feared nothing. But honestly, he should.

There wasn't a woman within a two mile radius walking down the street, driving by or in a store that didn't take notice of those men. Not a one of them even noticed the SOA members, not even Jax for once. It might have been a strange assessment on my part at this given time. However, it did bring a giant smile to my face.

"What's so funny, mama?"

"Oh, nothing."

The club wasn't laughing about it though. For the first time they felt less than adequate in their town. The world they built and made all the decisions in. It was a provoke tactic by calling them out in public. With irritation, embarrassment and semi bullying them into doing something stupid in front of the cops. Making a mistake that would cost them in the end.

Roosevelt didn't find anything about Jax screaming at him very funny either. "What would like for me to do about it, Jax? I can't exactly arrest them for running and singing cadence during their PT time. If they have violated any laws you are aware of, I'll be happy to address it with them. Did you happen to hear the last part of their lyrics? It was kind of catchy. Wasn't it something about bikers and sucking dick? It all comes around." Roosevelt wore the same kind of smile I did except his was for different reasons. He pulled his shades out of his pocket and stuck them on his face. "I think that time is coming around for SAMCRO. You have a nice day now." He was laughing as he drove his squad car away.

"Fine, then I'll handle this shit my way. Hey, asshole." They ignored Jax until the next part came. "Kyle, I'm talking to you, pussy." Every single one of them came to a complete halt, including Kyle.

Nero pulled down his shades back down on his face. Pushed his body off the side of the car where he had been leaning. "Now it's time. I should probably go get my boy."

Both Pops and Nero were trying to run interference with Kyle. Jax wanted a fight but he didn't get one. Kyle was pretty calm when he addressed Jax. "When you wake up in the morning, Jax. Think of me. You're just going to love what comes next, buddy."

SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA

When I walked in the bar to find out what was going on and what all the ruckus was about. I almost turned around and walked right back out again. Jax threw a couple of liquor bottles against the bar mirror. Shattering everything around it.

"Get that little prick on the phone. This shit gets settled today." Jax was screaming at all of them. I sat down quietly with Nero and Gemma at the table where she held Thomas in her lap. What a way for this damn day to start.

"Nero, is the little prick Jax is talking about Kyle?" It was definitely low when it came out of me.

"Oh yeah, Kyle went Rambo on their asses last night. After they tied up the Prospects, Kyle left a love note for Jax. So there wasn't any mistaking he did it. I warned Jax it was coming and none of this was necessary but we won't listen to me." Nero didn't give me any farther explanation. But gave a little nod of his head and when I looked over Jax was coming up quickly on us with a very unhappy look on his face.

"You're gonna have to pick a side in this fight, Nero. You're tight with Kyle and I get that. Just because you are tapping my mother, it doesn't buy you forgiveness anymore. Make no mistake, you get in my way and I will hurt you."

"I'm neutral. I'm too old and tired to fight in this shit anymore. Just because you are Gemma's son, it doesn't buy forgiveness with me either. Don't worry Jax, I don't make mistakes. Not like you do."

Jax pulled me aside from everyone and he was still raging with anger. "How did Kyle know where the guns were?"

"I have no idea. I don't even know where you keep them at."

"Do you know what happens if we don't pay the Irish for the shipment? A lot of bad shit, Tara. Unless we get them back to sell to the Niners for the money we owe, I'm fucked. Call him."

"Call who?" Of course I had a pretty good clue who Jax meant. But I wasn't offering up the fact I had Kyle's number.

"I bet, Kyle will answer your phone call cause he's not answering any of ours on the number we have for him. Call him and don't play that shit you don't got his number either. I'm not in the mood for it."

With my cell in hand. I debated every single number I dialed. Jax stood over me until I did it too. When my finger had the last digit done. I pressed the call button and handed it to Jax.

"Surprise, it's not Tara. Where are my fucking guns? I want…" Jax slammed the chapel door shut. I waited and waited for him to come back out. Although, at least there wasn't any yelling with him in there. But I should have known it was to come eventually.

"Tara, come in here." Jax called me in the chapel from the doors. Gemma came with me from behind. "Just Tara. This doesn't concern you." Jax slammed the door in her face when she didn't go away like he wanted her to.

Jax sat down slowly in the chair at the head of the table as he always does. He lit up a smoke and played with my phone. There was something he wanted to say but he couldn't seem to get it out. It was killing me sitting before him like a child waiting for my punishment. For what, I didn't even know yet.

He spun my phone around on the table as a toy a couple of times. Then finally pushed a button on it. "What is this?" My heart about stopped when he flashed pictures of my boobs across the screen. "You texted them to Kyle."

But Jax was far from done yet with it. He scrolled down through my pictures and brought up ones I should have taken the time to erase. If I had even known, they were on my damn phone. "Kyle's dick I am assuming?"

This was where it was going to be a touchy situation and conversation with Jax. Not only was telling him the truth better in this case. It would take the heat off of Kyle for something he didn't even do or was a part of.

"It's actually a stripper's dick. But I can explain it all."

A knock on the door saved my ass or I wanted to believe so. Chibs only stuck his head in. "He's here."

Jax picked up my phone from the table and stuck it inside his leather as he went outside. By the time I made it out of the chapel, everyone had gathered out there.

"Where are my fucking guns?"

Before Kyle would do anything with Jax. He hugged Ellie and asked her to take Kenny inside with her. Since he didn't want the kids to witness it. I figured it was heading in a very bad direction between them.

"I don't know anything about any illegal AKs, KG9s and glocks. Which, I'm sure your Irish hookup is going to be a little pissed off about. They probably will kill you, Jax when they find out you can't pay for them. That would be a real shame if that shit happened. I also know you and most of the other members are on parole release. Those guns will get you back on the inside pretty fast serving a lot of years being someone's prison bitch." Kyle wore a smile through all of it coming out of his mouth too. "However, we are willing to help you get them back for the information I want from you. Does the name Carlos Sandoval mean anything to you? I'm real close to putting it together on my own. Then I won't need you all."

As soon as Jax reached inside his leather, I knew where he was going with it. His gun came out pointed at Kyle. "What's to stop me from blowing your head off right here?"

"That Jax." Two red laser dots popped up out of nowhere. They were in the center of Jax's chest. Followed up by one to his forehead. "You didn't think I would walk in here without some reassurance I'm walking out, did you? If you kill me, they kill you. I get the satisfaction of knowing I'm taking you to hell with me."

Jax lowered his gun down finally. But he wasn't done with it just yet either. "You don't hate me because I'm a bad man. You hate me, Kyle because I am familiar. You see the same broken reflection in the mirror as I do. Only you won't admit it."

"I hate you because you're selfish, arrogant and totally out of touch with the reality of life. You are going to get Tara and your sons killed because of the life you lead and you don't care. You'd rather hold on to them than do the decent thing and let them go."

They had a private quiet conversation for a few minutes. When I saw Jax bring out my phone from his leather, I couldn't even believe he would do that. Not now with the boys being gone. He wanted to play the game of guess whose dick was on my phone.

The cocky little smile crossed Kyle's face. "Nope, it's not mine. My dick is bigger and I've got a gold stud pierced through the head of it. Would like to see it?" Kyle went as far to unzip his jeans willing to actually do it. Jax was cussing as he walked away. I wasn't sure if it was at Kyle, me or the stripper's dick. It could have been all three of us at this point.

"Would you think it's gay if I did wanna see your piercing, man?"

"Tig, you are one sick mother fucker."

"I know, Kyle. I sort of pride myself on it actually."

Needless to say Kyle didn't show Tig before he left. I wasn't sure what the game plan was because obviously no one thought I was privy to it. Anytime I asked any questions I was just ignored anyway.

They all stayed outside and I didn't know why they did but I went to check on Ellie and Kenny. Kenny was playing his game and Ellie seemed okay. She didn't say much as she was entertained writing in her diary.

When I came back out in the bar Jax was on Tig's ass now because there was picture of him from our night out too. "You can call me out about all the shit I do and I don't gotta problems with it. But don't question my loyalty to this club, Jax. Not with all the shit I do for it. I didn't say anything to you because there is nothing to say. Tara wasn't with Kyle. She was with us all night. All she did was have a few drinks and a little fun. You need to show your wife and mother a little respect man."

"I don't need to hear how to treat my old lady or Gemma. Just answer my question."

"It's true Jackson. We just drank and had fun. Kyle wasn't with Tara. I'm the one who took the pictures and Nicole texted them to Kyle." Gemma even tried to defend me too. Sometimes she completely amazed me by the loyalty she showed. Other times, I just couldn't get where she was coming from with it all.

"I knew you'd have something to do with it, Gemma. You're always stirring shit up between me and Tara."

"Honestly Jax, those pictures meant nothing. I think I even sent Kyle a nipple and cock shot, man. We were all loaded." Tig gave it hell hanging in there too. But I found this a waste of valuable time.

"Instead of trying to find out about what is on my phone or what I did or didn't do. You should be trying to find our son, Jax." I walked out because I was done listen to this shit.

Nero was setting alone on the picnic table when I went back outside. "How did Kyle know where the guns were? Jax thinks I told him."

"I didn't have anything to do with it. But I've heard a lot about it from both sides. Kyle knew everything was in your name, Tara. So, they chased it all down one place at a time until they found the stash. He figured it was only fair to use some knowledge he got from you. Since Jax used the knowledge of what you told him against Kyle."

"What are you talking about? I never told Jax anything. Why do you and Kyle keep saying that shit to me?"

"Because you did tell Jax, mama. Don't expect the sting of that betrayal to go away anytime soon with Kyle. That wound is a little fresh still." Nero left the table and left me completely baffled at what exactly they thought I told Jax. What betrayal I had done to them.

It got more baffling as the night went on too. The guys came back with Kyle this time. Kyle was to get his sit down with Jax as soon as the truck delivered the guns back to the warehouse. Only Jax threw in something else he wanted along with it.

"Before we get down to business. It needs to get settled." Jax took off his leather and tossed it down on one of the picnic tables, followed by his shirt. Then one by one pulled his rings off his fingers and put them in his pocket. "Unless, you're too much of a pussy to do it."

As Kyle went to pull off his shirt. Pops stopped him. "I'm the commanding officer. I'll throw down with you Jax."

"Why not him?"

"You'll get your shot at Kyle soon enough. But for now, let's handle this so we can move on from it."

"I'll feel bad about beating on a senior citizen. I'd rather take Kyle on so I don't hurt you, old man."

"Your tough guy persona will get you nowhere with me. Since I'm so old, you shouldn't have any problem whipping my old ass then."

This was the wrong time for it and definitely the wrong place but I did it anyway. "Kyle don't let him fight Jax. Jax will hurt him."

"Jax only knows how to street fight. He won't ever get the opportunity to touch Pops. He can take care of himself, he taught us what we know."

It shocked me Kyle responded that much to me. When he was through he moved very far away from me. All the guys were watching the fight and I had enough fighting to last me for a really long time.

Gemma must have felt the same way. She was setting at the table with a beer in her hand smoking. With a very faraway look in her eyes. I joined her in the clubhouse and waited for the dumb asses to be done beating the shit out of each other.

Jax came in first with the rest of them following after him. I let out a long sigh when I saw his face. The violence had taken him over to some degree. He strived on it and used it to express the burdens with the sorrow he felt on the inside.

Above his eye was split open and blood was trickling down from the corner of his mouth. What he thought all of this actually proved was at a loss to me. I grabbed a bar towel and wet it with cold water for him.

"Thanks, babe." Jax went to the back and yelled at Kyle. "Give me a minute."

Kyle looked at the wall of member's arrest photos they proudly displayed. Only one had his attention, John Teller. It was probably the first time Kyle seen what he actually looked like. He went a little farther down to see John's bike they kept in the clubhouse.

"It was John's. He loved this bike and the road was truly his home. The man couldn't stand being in one place for too long. You would have liked him." Gemma joined Kyle and he only nodded at her. I somehow thought Kyle would have liked John too. There were similarities of their hearts I could see.

"We will talk in here." Jax and Kyle went behind the chapel doors. It was scary to think what they do alone besides kill each other.

When almost an hour had passed by, I was getting a little nervous. I know Tig was only trying to help but really he wasn't. "There hasn't been any gun shots. That's always a good sign." Apparently it wasn't helping to easy Gemma's mind either with the look she gave him. "What? I'm just saying lovelies. It's all good."

The doors opened and they both walked out together. Gemma and I both found some relief from it. Jax lit up a smoke and half way set on top of the pool table. "Once you get your sister's kid back. It's time for you to go away. If you don't leave Charming, I will do exactly what I said I would do."

"You are so fucked up, Jax. I already told you I will leave once the boys are safe. You finally get what you want; me gone. I'm doing it for her not because of you. So, let's get this done already." Kyle was finished with their meeting and discussion. He walked out of the clubhouse with the other guys that hung back to stay with him. They didn't trust what the SOA might do to him if they left him here alone.

"How did it go, Jackson?"

"It went." Was all Jax said to Gemma about it. It was a closed conversation as far as he was concerned.

But it picked up quickly the next morning where they left off from. They were all talking in a group when I went outside to drink my coffee. I didn't want to start anything. I only smiled at Kyle when he was standing alone and he turned his head away from my direction. "I guess I deserve that." Thomas and I joined David on the picnic table until they were done talking.

"I think you and I are on the same shit list from brother and sister, Boomer."

"That's no lie. Nicole still won't talk to me. She's too busy talking to your biker friend. I'm trying to figure out how my life went from great to shit in a day or two."

"Yeah, me too."

"I really thought I was doing the right thing for Nicole. I've seen it to many times with the other guys and their women. You can't have a relationship with a woman and always be gone. Sure, they miss you at first. Then life goes on when you're not there. Before you know it, they got a whole new life that doesn't involve you anymore."

"Doesn't it work with some couples?"

"It takes a special relationship to make it work. I have two more years to serve, then I'm out. I want to do something different for a while. Maybe, then I can be normal again."

"How's Kyle doing through all this? I haven't seen or talked to him."

"He doesn't talk to me about any of it. I know he misses you, Tara. He won't come out and say it. But you can tell. You don't know how hard it is for him to come here and be civil to Jax."

"Kyle is doing the right thing so we can get my son and Cody back."

"He's not just doing it for the boys' sake." Kyle called him over to where they were talking and he excused himself. "I'll see you later, Tara."

They had a location for whoever in the hell they were searching for. Again no one would tell me anything. The club was shedding their leathers and putting dark clothes on. They were about to go off the grid to not be recognized.

"Kyle, who are you guys looking for?"

"Ask your husband. Jax always tells you the truth." Was all he said while they went to do whatever with the club.

"I guess I deserve that as well."

When I heard Jax say Abel might be there, I was going too. "No, you stay put here, Tara."

"Abel is my son too."

"Jax is right, sweetheart. We should wait here like we're told to."

"Gem, what are you doing? You're agreeing to this way to easily." Nero pulled down his sunglasses while he stared at her. Maybe so he could get a read on her face.

"I know how to do what I'm told to do."

"No you don't." He gave Gemma a kiss while the rest were getting ready to go. Nero and I thought the same way, she didn't ever give up like this. But, since she did. I stopped fighting Jax to go along with them.

"Tig, watch them. Don't let them out of your sight."

"Will do, boss. Let's go inside ladies."

We no more than walked in the clubhouse when Gemma grabbed my arm very aggressively. "I gotta pee. Come with me, Tara."

"I don't have to go but thanks anyway."

"Yes you do." Gemma drug me into the bathroom with her. It made me a little leery when she locked the door behinds us too.

"Well, don't just stand there, Tara. Help me up."

"Why the hell are you crawling out of the window for?"

"I'm going to where Abel is. I heard them say the address." That was coming out of Gemma's front side while I shoved her ass through the window. But she did return the favor by pulling me outside once I climbed up in it.

We made it to her car before anyone noticed we were gone. But not out of the parking lot. Tig caught on rather quickly. "Goddamn it, don't you do it, Gemma." He was screaming after us. But it was what was in front of us that had me a little worried.

"Gemma, the gate is locked. Gemma…" She wasn't listening to a damn thing I said because we crashed through it. It was a good thing the club members got the hell out of the way that was guarding it before she ran them over too.

"Now, it's not. You might wanna put on your seatbelt, sweetheart."

"No shit."

The built in car phone was ringing. Tig's name flashed in the rearview mirror. Gemma reached over and pushed ignore. "He'll call back." He did just that, like ten more times before she put it on speaker to answer it.

"Why are you doing this to me, Gemma? You two are gonna get me killed. I'm already on Jax's shit list."

"Oh Tig don't be so dramatic, we're all on Jax's shit list. So, what difference does it make really? I love you, sweetheart."

"That love, is gonna kill me yet."

It didn't take Tig long to catch up to us. His bike was flying up behind us. It also didn't take Jax long to get seriously pissed off either when he seen us pull up to an old abandoned looking place.

"I asked you to do one thing. Keep them at TM and you brought them here, asshole."

"Technically Jax, I didn't bring them here. I sort of followed them here."

"Idiot. Take them back."

But there wasn't time for it. The garage door came open for the car to leave. With all the gun fire it didn't make it out of the drive way. Tig pushed me and Gemma down to the ground while he fired his weapon at them too. I saw a woman take off running around the house to getaway. I knew how she felt.

They already had the guy they yanked out of the car down on the ground held by several of the guys. It was the woman they had to catch. When I heard Nero yelling, I went to see what the hell was happening too. "No Jax, don't do it. Kyle get to him."

By the time I made it around back with Tig and Gemma. Kyle had tackled Jax to ground. Because Jax was standing over the woman with his gun drawn and ready to kill her.

"We don't hurt women, Jax." Kyle reinforced that measure with a couple of punches to his face. Of course Jax didn't take that well at all. Their brawl didn't end until Pops fired a few round up in the air.

"Both of you put your dicks away already. We need to remember why we are here. When she sees what we do to him, she won't talk to anybody about it."

"What the hell are you gonna to do to him?" Jax questioned Pops as he made his way up from the ground.

"Water torture."

"Water torture? I'm in." Happy wanted to know all about it.

Pops poured a big gob of dish soap in the center of a dishrag with a good size portion of cooking oil. Then twisted the rag up and stuck it in the guy's mouth where they had already tied him to a chair.

"What the hell is this supposed to do?"

"He can't breathe once he sucks in the soap and oil. It clings to his lungs while it burns them like hell and they will explode eventually after they fill up with water. Just watch, Jax. There isn't always a need to draw blood to get what you want."

Meat tipped the chair back while Pops laid a dry dishrag over the guy's face. The more water he dumped on the rag over his nose and mouth; it made the guy squirm around and his muffled screams were even loud.

"Can I try?" Happy acted like it was a new toy they had to share among them instead of performing torture.

"Tig, you should take them out of here. Tara and Gemma doesn't need to see this." Tig followed Kyle's suggestion and we sat in the car just waiting to see what came next.

After a gunshot rang out the guys came out of the house. They had the name and location just down the road of who they were chasing down.

"Kyle, you're with me." Jax opened the back door to Gemma's SUV. She and I just looked at each other. Not knowing where the hell he was going with this one.

Kyle never hesitated to get in the car with us. He laid his gun on his lap and was going with the flow of things. Jax gave Gemma directions and where to turn off at. The place we pulled into looked as abandoned as the last one we were just at.

"Gemma, you and Tara should go back to the clubhouse. It really isn't safe for you to be a part of this."

"They are my family. I decided what they do, Kyle not you. Wait here for us." Again Gemma and I just looked at each other. Only you know, she didn't wait like she was told to either. She got out of the car right after they did. Then so did I.

"I'll handle it, if you don't mind? I'll try to enforce proper etiquettes with killing shit this time." Kyle just rolled his eyes at Jax and never said a word back.

They chose one of the five guys to question. I wasn't sure how they picked him because by the time I got inside with Gemma. Jax already had him down on the floor dumping out a bag.

"Taking a little trip somewhere? No, you're not. You're carrying a transport of drugs for him. Where's Sandoval or where can I find his guys at?"

The guy's silence only got his face shoved down on to a wooden crate by Jax. "You're just doing your job. Hey, I get it. Let's not make this any bloodier than it needs to be. Tell me where he is."

"I got no idea."

Jax shoved his long knife through the guy's hand down in the wood of the crate. "Any ideas coming to you? No, okay. We will try it again." Jax grinded the knife in his hand until you could hear it tearing on bone. Jax continued to do it until he screamed out in agony. "How about now? Do you know a location? If not, I'm starting on the other hand."

Once the guy told Jax the address. Gemma spun me around with her in the opposite direction from what was going on. "Trust me, you don't wanna see what comes next." Her telling me I didn't want to, just meant I had to know.

The silencer was what Jax put on the end of his gun. The smile that crossed his face when he looked at Kyle was purely twisted. An evil smile that betrays all innocence, as he squeezed the trigger repeatedly. Jax put three bullets in the guy's head. Gemma was right I would have better off never to have seen it. If the demons came to the surface was there any true way to save the soul?

The rest of the club killed only three of them and left one alive. Jax loaded up the bundles of drug in the bag. The one guy that was still alive Jax squatted down in front of him. "You're my messenger to Sandoval. Until I get the boys back, I'm going to stop his deliveries from being made. I'm taking this and every other shipment I can find of his. He needs to reach out to me and soon."

"What the fuck are you doing, Jax? This is what started this shit to begin with."

Nero ran interference between them. He had done it a lot lately. "Let it go, Kyle. This is on Jax not us." After Nero took in a couple of deep breaths he tried to rationalize with Jax now. "These bad karma clouds you got hanging over your head. Is what you cause for everyone around you. Just standing to close to you, gets everyone hurt. There is a better way to do this than what you're doing, Jax."

It didn't do any good though. The drugs went in Jax's saddle bag of his Harley when we dropped him off. They had the next location of where to look for this guys at.

"We don't need to spook them off. Just send a few of your guys with mine, Pops. Kyle, you're with me at the warehouse bro."

"Perfect." It was the only response Jax got from out of Kyle.

Pops pulled him to the side before Kyle left with Jax. "You're not buying into this Kumbaya comradery bullshit are you?"

"Not for a second. I don't trust Jax."

"Meat, Boomer and Eric, you go with Kyle. Watch his back."

Some rode with us. It was very quiet not much conversation going on at all. The bikes lead the way to this place we were going. It was a huge ran down building out in the middle of nowhere.

"Tara." Kyle spoke to me on his own this time. "You shouldn't be here you're going to get hurt. I don't give a shit what Jax says, this is no place for you or Gemma to be at." He even opened my door for me. But that was it from him. He went on to argue with Jax about something else.

"This doesn't feel right to me, Jax. There is no one around for it being a distribution center for a drug warehouse. This place should be heavily guarded."

"Maybe you should sit out on the side lines with Gemma and Tara. Keep the women company while I handle our business, Kyle. We do this and there is no turning back now. You can't demand to be a part of it then pick and choose what you wanna do."

"This is such a bad fucking idea." Kyle and the others went with Jax to go inside the building.

"Oh shit." Was all Tig said before the gun fire started. "Get inside." He tried to give us time and cover to get away from it. There were truckloads of pissed off looking men shooting at us already.

Once we did make it on the inside unharmed, shit just got worse then. The doors locked behind us when they were closed. Bars slammed down over the windows. "Don't touch them." Boomer yelled it just before Happy went to put his hand on the bars.

Boomer was doing something by going from the different windows. "They are wired. Nobody touch the windows or doors. They will blow us all the fuck up."

"Get it deactivated."

"I've gotta chase down the source first." I had no idea what Kyle and Boomer were talking about. But from the sounds of it. I hope it happened and fast.

"You just couldn't listen would you, Jax? I told you we shouldn't do this. It's a trap. You're a loose cannon just waiting to explode."

Kyle and Jax never got the chance to argue about it when bullets started riddling from every direction in the building. We all dived for cover in different places.

Boomer was sweating over a box of wires where Gemma and I huddled together. "I'm pretty sure it's the yellow one."

"Pretty sure? You better be damn sure it is."

"Do you want to do this shit, Kyle?" When Boomer didn't get a response from him. "Yeah, that's what I thought then shut the fuck up." He fiddled between the blue and yellow wire then chose to cut the yellow one. After he wiped the sweat off his forehead with his arm and tried to catch his breath. "See, I told you it was the yellow one."

Kyle took out his cellphone and pushed a bunch of buttons. It started blinking with a red dot on the screen. "Tech nerd, get us the fuck out of here. It's all locked down and we're boxed in."

"Hold on Kyle, let me take this call."

"He put me hold. The little son of a bitch put me on hold."

Meat ripped the phone out of Kyle's hand and he was pissed. "If you value your tiny dick, you better get on it now."

"Relax you no neck muscled up bastard. Daddy's got you. Get to the third floor then find the door with the key pad. I'll have it decoded before you make it there. A set of stairs still should be there from the schematic I brought up. I've already called in the others."

There was plenty of gun fire around us to even make it to a set of stairs. They all tried to shield me and Gemma as much as possible from it. At times she and I were doing the low crawl between empty crates to follow along with them all.

Tig gave Gemma his spare gun and it was a good thing. When I saw a pair of feet stop in front of me. I followed his legs up. "Tara." Gemma screamed my name just before she shot him in face.

"Goddamn Gemma. You excite me woman, nice shot." She actually took time out to smile at Meat before they got the guy's dead body off the top of me. Seriously she thought it was the most important thing?

"You really need to start listening, girl. Get them to the stairs." Kyle was out of breath when he finally caught up with us.

"Jax." Kyle's loud scream of his name made us all turn around on the stairs no more than we got on them. He had his gun pointed at Jax. He froze in place when Kyle said it and Jax had nowhere he could run to in enough time to get out of the way. With each second of time that clicked away my heart beat even faster.

With every beat of my heart. Jax took in a breath of life and let one out. His gaze came to me. Standing before me was the vulnerable man I'd never seen before. "I love you." I couldn't hear the words as loud as the commotion was surrounding me but I saw them come from his lips. He closed his eyes once more before looking directly at Kyle. His face turned hard as stone; as though Jax had accepted his fate of what was to come. The fearless outlaw that never backed down from the reaper he wore and worshiped.

"Oh shit." Tig pushed me and Gemma out of his way. "Put it down, Kyle. Don't make me kill you man."

"I'm ready to die for my brother are you, Tig?" All three of them had their guns in Tig's face now. Until he lowered his weapon down.

"Above Jax, look up there are four of them." Kyle finally got their attention. In the rafters four guys had entered down from the roof. We were being attacked by them and another round of gun fire. My ears were ringing from the loud discharges of their guns so close by me. Bodies were falling down around Jax on the concrete floor.

"I wasn't sure where you were going with that bullet for a second, Kyle."

"I need Jax alive until he makes the deal for the boys. Then his ass is fair game."

"I hear that shit, brother. I can't stand Jax, he's such an arrogant fucker. I'll help you take his ass if you want." Meat saw the terrified look on mine and Gemma's faces. "I'm just kidding ladies." Even though we knew he wasn't.

The called them the Calvary and they had arrived to save us. The gun play outside was as loud as it was on the inside. But not before lit bottles came in from the roof top. The smoke cloud was already filling up the area.

Everyone was diving for cover on the last round of bullets coming at us once again. I crawled as far away from it as I could. I put my back against a crate and just wanted it to be over with. I heard three of them speaking Spanish as they were coming near the crates I was hiding behind.

When I made it past them, I had even bigger problems to face then. There were flames coming up out of the floor, going up the walls and everywhere I needed to step to get out. As much smoke as there was lingering, I couldn't see anything or any of them anymore either.

Opening a window and it was risky because it could cause a back draft. If it did the flames would engulf where I stood. I wasn't still sure if it would blow up or not either. "Fuck it." I only opened it enough I could squeeze through it and it didn't explode. I considered it a good day so far with everything else happening around me. Where the hell I thought I was going from here, I didn't know.

The ledge of the building offered little comfort for me. But it was better than the alternative fire I was facing at the moment. I held on to the window as I climbed out and sat down on it. I called for help but no one answered me. Had my life really came down to a balancing act on the ledge with flames to take me out? When I looked around me, I was pretty sure it had.

"Tara."

After I looked down to the ground to see who called my name, I wished I hadn't. The fear of heights took over and I was about to hyperventilate. I was slipping off the side and I wasn't moving at all. As light headed as I felt, I could have been floating through the air.

"Tara." One more time Kyle called my name.

"Where are the others? Where is Jax?"

"I don't know. Some of the guys went back in the building to find them. You have to jump. There is no way I can get to you from the inside this whole side is on fire."

"I can't."

"Yes you can. I'll catch you, I'll never let you fall."

"I'm afraid of heights. I can't do it." For dear life I held on to the ledge. The window frame already felt hot to my touch. I knew the flames were coming for me. They were knocking on the door at heaven's stairway telling me it's time to let them in.

"Then I'm staying too. I'm not leaving you." Kyle slumped down against the building to the ground.

"You can't stay. You have to help save the boys. I'm not sure I can be saved from this. Even if I make it out of this one. There will only be more to come for me and I don't think I will escape it forever. Promise me, you will save my son. Tell Abel and Thomas how much I love them."

"Then you better jump soon and help me save them. We're running out of time."

The others came around the side of the building. "Oh shit." Gemma seen me just sitting on the ledge with a long way to fall. I wasn't sure where they escaped from or how.

"Get Gemma out of here, Tig. The building is going to go anytime."

"What about Tara?"

"We got her. You jump or we both go, girl." Tig took Gemma away from the building and couple of the guys stayed.

Every corner you went around had another corridor of choices to decide upon. The long way down I had to take was nothing compared to the long way I would have to go if I actually lived through it. I closed my eyes, turned loose of it all. You had to take a blind leap of faith someone would catch you when you fell. They would be your safety net of life.

The three of them didn't fail me, at least this time. Once my feet touched the ground we were running. Away from the explosive blast that was coming. Away from the possible death toll of chaos. Away from what would land at my doorstep soon enough because I could not find my way to escape from it.

When it did blow up it was a massive shock wave you felt in the ground. It knocked the air out of me from the weight of his body covering mine. The broken glass and debris surrounded us.

"You should really listen to me next time, girl." After the initial shock wore off of us. Kyle helped me up from the ground.

"I probably will."

"Probably? Don't scare me like that again, Tara." Kyle hugged me to him. When I looked up I seen Jax just standing at a distance watching us.

Jax never said a word, never really blinked or never made an attempt to approach us. I moved away from Kyle so it wouldn't cause any more problems as he did the same from me. Under the circumstances I would think it was understandable why. But it didn't seem to be to Jax. He turned away and went to his bike.

Without a word more said to anyone I went with Gemma to the car. Not even so much as a glance in my direction came when I passed by Jax. He fired up his bike and lead the others just like he had always done.

It didn't get any better when we got back to the clubhouse either. "Tara, come in here." I was being called back in to the chapel. I was really starting to hate going in there to be perfectly honest. "Shut the door." I did as Jax asked when I got inside.

The gavel occupied his hands. He shifted it back and forth between them. Before he looked up at me and finally put it down on the table. "I saw the way you looked at Kyle today. It was the way you used to look at me. When did you stop loving me?"

With a plea from me because I had little emotions left to show after everything to anyone. All I wanted to do was not have a fight with him and find our son. "Please, do not do this, Jax."

"For my own sanity. Just tell me."

"I didn't know I had stopped loving you. Today was a bad day. I was almost shot, burned and I jumped off the side of a damn building. All of that and I still don't know where Abel is or if he is alright. So I'm sorry if you're not feeling loved and adored by me today. I've been a little busy trying to stay alive and worried about our son. It was nothing with Kyle more than I'm glad to still be alive. I am asking you again, please do not do this shit."

"Kyle plays this out better than you do. He at least tries to deny he's in love with you. He's pretty convincing actually, I'll give him that. I've been watching you with Kyle and I know more than you think I do. My old man lost his wife, his family and his club. I will not let that happen. After Abel gets home we got some getting right to do with each other. Not just on your part but mine too." Jax kissed my forehead then Thomas on the top of the head before he walked out.

It wasn't just me getting put on the spot either. Chibs did the same with Jax. When I went outside the role was reversed with Jax in the hot seat by him.

"I'm trying to put us on the right side of shit. But it's gonna take a minute for it to happen."

"We're going to fix this, brother. Do you hear me? This isn't just your club, Jackie."

"Yeah, Chibs. I hear you."

"I need to get right with you being my President and doing shit behind my back. I love you, kid. But this is gotta happen so we can get past it." Chibs took off his leather and Jax did the same. When the rings came off his fingers, it was going to a bad place for both of them.

"Yeah, I guess it does need to happen." Chibs lowered the garage doors down after Jax said it.

"No, doll. Don't get in the middle of it. They're having a discussion." I almost made to the garage to see what was happening between them. But Tig got in the way.

"You mean a fight."

"It's a loud discussion." Once again he shrugged off their internal fights as nothing.

"I'm not sure which is more messed up. The violence getting worse or my ability to keep taking it in stride. It can make you like…"

"Gemma."

"Yeah, Tig. It makes you tough and crazy like Gemma."

Crazy Gemma wasn't looking to well. She toked stronger on the bud she held in her hand. I joined her on the picnic table while Chibs and Jax beat the crap out of each other in the garage. It wasn't like we all couldn't hear it and it was some big secret.

"I can't go through this shit again. The table is already dividing. Brother fighting brother. I worked for thirty years to build this. I gave up my whole life for this place. I will not allow Jackson to destroy it."

Gemma had nothing else to say. She slowly strolled over to Nero and put her arms around his neck. "It's time baby. You know I can't let this shit happen."

"Yeah, I know, Gem. I know. I'm here baby to the end and I got nothing but love for you." Nero held her to his chest and kissed her so sweetly. They were speaking too low for me to hear the rest of their conversation. After he wiped away her tears he went and opened his car door for me.

"It's time for me and you to go to confession, Mama."

"Thanks for the offer, Nero. I've been to enough churches lately."

"I'll watch the kids while you're gone, Tara." Strong Gemma appeared from nowhere once again. She had the ability to pull it out of her ass when she needed to.

"I really don't have a choice here do I?"

"No, sweetheart. You don't." There were times, I felt Gemma's kiss on the cheek. Was the kiss of death, maybe even mine?

Nero began this long ass discussion when we left the parking lot. "Why did you tell Jax, Tara?"

"I didn't tell Jax anything. How many more times do I have to say it to you and Kyle?"

"You did tell Jax everything, Tara when you confessed your sins to him. After he locked you up he used it against me. He and I were butting heads all the time over the business and he used it as leverage over me."

At first I had to think back to what I actually had confessed to Jax. I told him about the Lodge and all those I persuaded with coercion to get it going. Used along the way to keep it up and running. The time I spent with Kyle and I kissed him. I was certain I never mentioned his name again to Jax other than about the crows. I did take all the blame for Collette's death and everything else we did. But I never brought up Nero or Gemma's name once. I made sure I protected them like they had me.

"I never told Jax you guys did anything. I took all the blame for everything, Nero. I would never rat you guys out."

"I'm sure you did, Mama. But Jax is smart enough to figure out you didn't do all those things on your own. He thought I was the one who killed Collette and Charlie. I couldn't let you, Gemma and Kyle take the blame. So, I did."

"I get why you did it for me and Gemma. But why Kyle? He had nothing to do with those murders."

"Charlie would have kept coming at you once he found about Collette being dead. It would have brought more killing and chaos to all of us than needed to be. You and the boys were just collateral damage of what Jax and the club did. Kyle knew did what he had to do. What we all knew had to be done in the end to Charlie. I couldn't let Kyle go down that way when he killed Charlie for all our sakes. So, I took the rap for it all. Kyle didn't fail me with his loyalty in return either."

It completely upset me Kyle killed Charlie to protect me. He did it the day we met with Jax and Marcus at the Lodge about business. It was why Kyle was late getting there and what Marcus had asked him was it done yet. It bought Marcus' loyalty to us so he could take over the port and not be responsible for their deaths. Then Kyle staged Charlie and Collette's kill. Kyle did it all for me, the boys, Nero and Gemma. But I was still a little confused who Jax was going to tell all this shit to. "Jax would never rat to the cops, Nero. That I am sure of."

"It wasn't the cops Jax was gonna tell. The favor Kyle did for the club. Gave me forgiveness of all my past sin of my crew, Marcus and Jax. It wiped the slate clean for me and Gemma to leave. I wanted to get to end game eventually and Jax accelerated it for me by all the deals he made."

"And that's why you and Gemma are leaving Charming?"

"It's the agreement we all made. Gemma and I are getting too old for this shit. We don't got many years left for a piece of the good life. It was honestly easier to agree to leave then stay and keep this fight going. It rips her heart apart to know her son doesn't give a shit about her anymore. I won't ever let anything happen to Gemma. You need to understand that, Tara. It doesn't matter if I gotta hurt Jax, he will not hurt his mother."

"What did Kyle do for the club and how is it tied to the boys?"

"Jax told us it would get the Sons outta drug hauling for Romeo, he wanted to turn the club legit by stopping the guns and to protect your family. The Sons need to make sure the kill didn't blow back on them. Kyle killed two men at a meeting Jax setup. The club was present and all accounted for so blame didn't land on them. Kyle made it look like an ambush. Only it was all based on lie from Jax and the under hand bullshit he always does. He took some precious cargo of theirs and they want it back."

The simplest solution was a trade; the boys for the drugs. But, they were gone. In the middle of some bullshit street beef with August Marks, the drug all but disappeared in to thin air. There was nothing left to trade with for the lives of our innocent children. It all came down to price tag on their little heads to get them back alive. None of us could pull that much illegal cash together.

"I caused this. I caused my son to be taken. If I hadn't trusted Jax, then none of this would have happened. I am so sorry Nero. I would never do anything to hurt you, Gemma or Kyle. What else did Jax do? Why does Kyle believe he is going to hurt me?"

"I can't answer that, mama. Kyle won't tell me either. All I know is one second after we found out the truth about the lie Jax told us. I was pulling Kyle off of him so he didn't kill Jax. To the next second after their private talk, Kyle totally backed off from Jax and the club. Then you got out of the hospital shortly afterwards."

"I did all of that too. Where is Kyle? I never meant for him to get hurt. I can't believe he did all this shit."

"I don't know, that's the truth. I thought it was better not to know where he is."

When I looked out the window and seen it. I knew we were headed in the right direction. "Never mind, I know where he is."

"Where?"

"I don't know yet. But just keep driving." Nero gave me a strange look but did what I asked him to do.

The direction the white crow flew in, I already knew the end location. His truck was parked by the marina. Nero seen it too. "What is so damn special about this place for you two?"

"I don't know that part yet either, Nero. But I won't be long."

This journey I made alone across the long bridge, down the stairs and into the tunnel. I still stopped to touch the glass as I walked through it. "Déjà vu."

When I climbed the last step out to the top. I inhaled a deep cleansing breath. You could almost taste the salt of the sea from here. It assaulted my nose as a fresh summer rain would.

"How did I just know you would be here?"

"Probably the same way I did you. I followed the white faced crow. How did you manage to get away from the lockdown?"

"I'm with Nero. He told me what you did for me and the club. I'm so sorry for everything, Kyle."

"Nero shouldn't have told you anything. I don't want to talk about it."

"Fine, you don't have to talk, I will. I tried to do the right thing with Jax and get our relationship back on track. By telling my husband the truth I never thought he would use it against you guys. I took the blame for everything and I never told him what you guys did. I didn't betray you intentionally or with my loyalty."

"I know exactly who your loyalty goes to, you keep showing me repeatedly. Jax is your husband and it's the way it should be. While his goes to everyone but you. He knew things only you and I could have known. I didn't tell him so you had to of told him, Tara."

"I guess I deserve that too. I swear, the only thing I told him was I spent time with you and we kissed a couple of times. That's all I said and about the crows. But other than that, I never said anything else."

"Well, someone told him then. I don't want to talk about this shit anymore." When I walked closer to Kyle he kept moving away from me. He even took steps backwards to avoid me. "There will be no damn touching me."

"What?"

"I'm serious, Tara. You will not convince me to change my mind this time or get your way. You fuck with my head with your touch and you know it." I couldn't believe he wouldn't get within so many feet of me. When I tried again he moved away. "No."

"This is ridiculous. You act like I am some voodoo woman or something."

"You are to me."

"Okay, I will keep my distance from you. But can we talk about it at least?"

It wasn't much like talk. More yelling than anything. He was frustrated with me, the situation and I understood why. Until I could get him to talk it through with me, it wouldn't ever get any better. The last part that came out of his mouth, it wasn't what he did that was killing. It was what he feared he would become from it that was tearing him apart on the inside. When I questioned him about it, he came from left field and spoke in riddles to me.

"It comes from when the days are cold and the saints we see are all made of gold. When your dreams all fail and the ones we hail, are the worst of all. Then the demon's blood runs stale."

"You're not making any sense to me, Kyle."

"I'm sure I don't. I don't even know if I make sense to myself anymore. But I won't ever tell you, Tara. You can ask me a thousand more times and I won't do it." Kyle held both of my hands in his when I could finally get him to even be near me. "I wanna hide the truth. I wanna shelter you from it. But with the beast inside. There's nowhere we can hide now. This is my kingdom come. It's the end of time. When the lights fade out it will come calling out at the mess we've made. Informally it is only death that can come from it. The next world, the afterlife."

"Kyle, will you wait a minute." He wasn't going to talk about it anymore and he was trying to get away from me as fast as he could. "Will you stop already." I finally managed to grab ahold of his arm to slow him down. I had to take three steps to his one just to catch up with him. "Please, just talk to me."

"They say it's what you make of life. I say it's up to fate. It's woven in my soul. I need to let you go but every time I do, you come right back to me. Your eyes, they shine so bright. I wanna save that light. I can't escape this now. There are only two people who reach me anymore. Who can bring me back from that place. It's you and Ellie. Do you know what scares me the most? I am just like John and Jax. At what point will the darkness take me down with it and I won't ever make it out?"

"You have darkness inside you just like everyone else does in them. So do I. But you use it for good. Ellie knows it too it's why she loves you so much, Kyle."

"You just don't get it. I don't wanna let you down. But I am, hell bound. When you feel my heat, look into my eyes. It's where my demons hide just like his. Don't get too close to me. It's really dark inside. I know it's there. I would never do anything to hurt you, Tara. I will have to do some horrible things before this is over and I don't want to take you to hell with me. Please, just turn loose of me."

My grip on Kyle only became stronger when I saw all three of them land on the huge rock together for the first time. The white faced crow sat taller by the dark black one. It was the white crow; she took longer to make her appearance. She was at a peaceful state sitting between the two of them while they cawed loudly at us.

"I'm following my heart like the crows are telling me to. I won't ever let go or let you fall. I don't know how yet but you will make it through this, Kyle. Now you need to follow yours."

"Why are you doing this to me, Tara?" Once he hugged me back. Over our heads the crows flew away as quickly as the three came, they disappeared from our site. Our hug didn't last for very much longer after that either. "I have to distance myself from you so I can do what I gotta do. I need to feel the rage and I can't do that if I'm around you. If it seems like I'm being mean, I probably am. But I do care about you. I just can't let you mess with my head right now."

The calming effect of maybe getting out what we had to say helped out a bunch. It could have been seeing all three crows together even. It was what weighed heavily on my mind. What sign was it supposed to actually indicate to us?

"The crows are the past, present and future of the club. As Ellie, you and I represent it along with the light and the darkness now."

"What are you talking about, Kyle?"

"Didn't Ellie tell you? She has called me several times and I think she is right. After I thought about it. John is the past of the club for what he wanted it to be and it took his life. The corrupt chaotic darkness is what killed Opie and it's what the present of it still is. Donna was trying to change the future of it by fighting the evil with good and it killed her too. You have to keep Ellie away from Jax."

"Jax would never hurt her. I understand why she hates the club and what it stands for."

"Jax will do just about anything to anyone because he feels no remorse. He justifies all the bad actions with more lies and death. While the darkness inside him only continues to grow stronger. He will eventually figure it out; what Ellie is and what she is doing. He won't have any choice then."

"Any choice of what?" He wouldn't answer me and I got enough of this shit back at the clubhouse. "Kyle."

"If you don't want me to kill him. Just keep Ellie away from Jax. I meant what I said, Tara. She's only a child and doesn't have any choice in all this shit. Just like Abel and Cody didn't get the luxury of making their choice of what happened to them." Kyle climbed over the fence of the pier. He jumped down to the sand.

"Won't we get into trouble for going down there?"

"Seriously, Tara? After everything we've done you are worried about a trespassing charge?" He helped me down from the pier. I'd jumped off enough stuff lately. We walked along the edge of the beach while we talked about it.

The vibration in my body became overwhelming. The colors of white and black raced around me once more. Intensely the color of grey was made with the two. So similar of a hue yet so shaded differently from each other. "I saw a young girl and guy running on this beach…"

"She had long dark hair and wore a white dress. When he caught her, he kissed her right about here in this spot. When he kisses her the storm rises beneath her skin. For she is his ocean and he is her moon."

"How the hell do you know that, Kyle?"

"I've had the same dream for the last few nights. I always wake up before it all changes to fire."

"I wish I knew what the fire meant."

"If the fire is encircling you and someone else, then it signifies your bond to that person. The two of you share something significant. Alternatively, the dream may be warning you of some dangerous act to come or something risky. It goes to the term; you are playing with fire. Which I have been for some time with you, girl."

"Do you hate me for what I've done?"

"No, I don't. It would be easier if I did, Tara. But I don't."

"I'm sorry for everything believe me, you don't know just how sorry. I screwed us all over. This is just as much my fault as it Jax. I should have never trusted him with any of it. I fucked myself and have no one else to blame for it."

"I've been there and done that too, girl with my own life. Jax isn't stupid and he knows. Or he's pretty sure of it."

"Jax knows what?"

"It doesn't really matter anymore now. The dreams we have only connect us deeper with each other. I dream of a lot of things lately that don't make sense. Maybe they never will. Being here with you on this beach, I feel like we've done all of this together already. When all of this shit is over with the boys. We got some unfinished business to handle between us, Tara."

"Yeah, I guess we do have some business to finish. I feel the same vibe from being here. We've done this before too."

"I have something for you. I had Nicole find it for me and I carry it with me for the next time I seen you. My mother always wore this. I didn't know at the time it had any meaning to it. I'm pretty sure John gave it to her and now I'm giving it to you." Kyle took a gold bracelet out of his pocket. With three separate gold strands hooked together by a gold crow in the center of it. After he clasped it around my wrist he touched each strand separately. "The past, the present and the future. Don't forget me."

"What does that mean and where are you going? I heard you tell Jax you're leaving."

"Not this time. You don't get to feed off my knowledge. You have to figure it out on your own. Just don't forget me. You'll always be my girl. Not distance between us or Jax will ever change that."

"What the hell are you two doing now?"

Nero was on the long pier. He must have gotten tired waiting for me in the car. With the heavy heart conversation, we were having, it was past time for us to go. Kyle gave me a boost up while Nero helped pull me back up there with him on the pier from the beach.

"Are you ever gonna tell me what's going on with you all? At first, I thought you were screwing around and you were just trying to keep it quiet from everyone. Whatever it is, it's more than that. I can see it and it gets clearer to me every time I'm around the both of you. You can trust me with the truth. I'd never do anything to hurt either one of you."

"I believe Tara and I loved each other many years ago. I'm pretty sure in the same spot we were just at. It feels like we've been there a million times together. The spirit of it can be felt of how familiar we are with each other by a shared look or a touch. Her simple touch can alter my decisions, fuck with my head and the pleasure I feel from it is more than any words can ever describe. The crows actually told us so and they brought us here tonight. Just like they are always bringing us together. We were about to get down and dirty in the sand when you came up, Nero. Is there anything else you want to know?" My mouth was opened because of what Kyle told Nero. Did he not learn what happens from telling others the truth yet? Could Nero really be trusted with all of our secrets? Would he believe we were insane too?

The Spanish flying out of Nero's mouth wasn't very nice. I didn't have a clue at what he was actually saying but, he didn't believe a word of what Kyle said. I think there might have been a few insults thrown in there for good measure.

"How about this one, Nero? We were abducted by aliens and they mind probed us. Then Tara let me probe her…"

"If you don't wanna tell me the truth, Kyle. You don't gotta be an asshole about it and make up stories, shithead." Nero wasn't buying into any of it. I almost laughed because part of it, was the actual truth. Hell, in reality if someone told me any of this shit. I would have thought the same thing, crazy fuckers.

"Promise me, you won't confront Jax about any of this. He will assume I'm the one who told you and then he will know for sure you've been around me." When I couldn't make that promise, Kyle took my face in his hands. "Promise me, Tara. It's not a wise thing to do."

"I promise."

"Take this with you and keep it on you. It's registered to me. They can't ever trace it back to you." It was a smaller handgun than I seen Kyle carry before. He pressed it in my hands and wouldn't let go of it until I took it from him.

"What else are you not telling me, Kyle?" Of course he completely ignored what I asked him.

"There is a bullet in the chamber. Take the safety off and it's ready to shoot. It will automatically load another bullet after it's fired. The clip is full. For fuck sakes, don't shoot anyone you don't mean to. Don't aim it unless you are going to kill them." Kyle gave me a kiss on the cheek. Then a huge smile came. "I'll see you later, voodoo woman. Take care of her, Nero."

"Always. Got anything for me before we leave?"

"Only why the fuck you told Tara about it. Why do it now and rip her apart?"

"It's time and it had to happen. Tara and the boys are not your call. Gemma and I made it very clear to you. Tara clouts your better judgment and decisions. I need you to stay strong with me, Kyle and finish this shit."

"And Jax?"

"That time will come too. Jax is his own demise. He does worse shit to himself than you or I could do to him."

"Hey, I'm still standing here while you guys talk about me as though I'm invisible and I can't hear you. You might as well tell me the rest of it, Kyle. Why did you give me a gun to carry and why do you think Jax will hurt me?"

Nero's phone went off and it was Gemma and an emergency was in place. "We gotta get back to TM. Sandoval reached out to Jax the hard way."

"Are my babies okay?"

"Yeah, the kids are fine. But Jax won't be when I get there." The old gangster came out in Nero while I listened to him talk on the way back to the clubhouse. His actions were those I'd witnessed so many times from others. He placed his gun on the front seat beside him and drove like a bat of hell.

"You left your bag at the house, Tara." He reached from the back seat and handed me what I carried around for the lodge.

"You can toss it or burn it. I don't care I don't need anything in there."

"You should really take the bag, Tara." Nero finally tossed it on my lap.

When I opened it I didn't know what to say. "Jesus Christ, how much is here?" There were bundles of hundred dollar bills and twenties.

"Enough. It's a safety plan just in case you need it. Nobody knows about the money except me and Gemma. You should listen to Kyle. Do not confront Jax. At least not until this shit is over with the boys."

"Then why did you even tell me?"

"Here's what I know. It's as true on the streets as much as it is with my family. If I stay in truth and give it to people straight. With no lies, no spins on it and no games. I always know whatever happens is going to be the right thing. If I like it or not. You gotta be loyal to something in this world or you got nothing. Make wise choices. There is recourse for every decision made. Some consequences can be devastating." I found the more time Nero and Gemma were together. The more they sounded alike sometimes. But, actually I thought of Opie and when I saw him in the church. His words kept ringing in my head while we drove back to TM.

"For every decision made. You suffer the consequences of those actions."

Was Opie referring to himself and the decisions he made? Was it the decisions Donna made? The club took his family away from him. He made the decision to give his life up so Jax could live on to lead it. Was it a warning to me of what was still to come? Or was it due to the decisions I already made?

The entrance to TM was blocked off by the police. Lights were flashing everywhere. It was all moving so fast yet in slow motion around me. The fire department, police cars and ambulances became background in the scenery. A stretcher passed us by with a zipped up body bag on it. I feared who it was. Then another stretcher will the same on it.

First, I found Gemma and the kids. All I could do was hug Thomas, Kenny and Ellie to me. I had to set down. With Thomas on my lap and them on each side of me. I tried to reassure myself it was fine, this really didn't happen, it was all a bad dream. But none of that was actually the truth.

Sandoval found out the club took his drugs today and he was pissed. For that sin he made them pay for it. He blew up the members who guarded the gate with a bomb. He had my baby and I fear what the hell he would to Abel and Cody because of it too.

For hours, people moved all around me but I was setting perfectly still. I was back out on the ledge just waiting to fall, to take the plunge from it and hoped to survive it all. I had set in the same spot until the parking lot had cleared out.

After I put the kids to bed. I went to sit in the bar. My head snapped up from the table I set and stared at. I heard them. The boys were crying and calling out for mommy, for me and Nicole. Gemma must have heard it to because she headed to the door the same time I did.

They stood in a group; Jax, Nero, Tig, Kyle, Chibs and Pops. Jax held a small screen in his hand and it was my son's voice calling for me.

"Abel."

Jax turned it off before I could see anything. "They are fine, babe."

"Then why can't I see it?"

"No."

"Please, just let me see him."

Jax handed the small screen off. He wrapped me tightly in his arms while I cried for my baby who calls out my name. Only I'm not there to hold him, comfort him, protect him and let him know how much I love him.

"We know where they are. We just don't know the exact location yet. But, we should have it by tomorrow. Then we're all leaving to go get them."

"Where are they?"

"Mexico."

Our children were in the middle of a Mexican cartel war. Deep in the heart of killing, drug manufacturing, human trafficking and where the pipeline led down to it. They all had finally came to grips with the fact they needed each other to get the boys back.

Because of the mistrust and bad blood between them. Kyle had half the information and Jax had the other half. Neither one of them could honestly do it without the other. It kept all parties honest and made them be a team to bring home our boys.

When I just sat and watched them, I was in awe by it. The maps in the center of Jax and Kyle stretched out on the picnic table. They did it alone, without one single argument or any harsh words spoken. Sometimes, it took a child to hold life together for everyone involved.

"Babe, can you grab us a cup of coffee, please?"

They actually took their coffee the same exact way, black with two sugars. When I approached the table with cups in my hands. I overheard what Jax said.

"We kill them all and burn it to the ground. So, none of this shit ever comes back on any of us."

"Agreed, Jax."

Pops joined them at the table with a pieces of paper he laid down over the maps. "I'll have the General's signature by morning. My guys will take the plane from the Marine base once I get the orders in my hands. I can't get you on base, to many eyes would see it. Jax, you and your guys will have to get across the border on your own. Kyle will call you with the drop location of where to meet up. You got three days to get in and get out. There will be a plane waiting at a secure location to get you all out of there. As far as anyone else will know, this is just another special ops mission they are on."

Before they would continue on with their conversation they waited. Hell, I crossed my arms and waited too because I wasn't leaving. They were talking about what was going to happen. Which, their plan involved my child.

"Babe. We gotta get this done."

"Fine." Under protest I left but I wasn't happy about it at all. Nor any of the events that led up to all this fucking shit. But I took Kyle and Nero's advice. I would wait it out until I had Abel in my arms again before I addressed it with Jax. Everything that transpired before my son was ripped away from because of the things he did. That would be one thing that would happened no matter what came from it.

Juice was watching everything he did on the computer while they set at the bar. "How do you do that shit man?"

"It's hacking for beginners, Juice. If I told you how I do it, I would have to kill you."

"Oh." Juice was so sweet and adorable. But there were times, I worried about that boy. He had a serious look on his face while took another swig of his beer.

"I'm just kidding man."

Their loud screaming match took me back to the door. Only it wasn't the ones engaged it I expected.

"Come on, little green gay army man."

"Put your arm up here or shut the fuck up you long haired biker freak."

Quinn and Meat were having their own little strength war in an arm wrestling match. They were portioned with size well but Meat had twice the muscle mass as he did. I didn't even want to watch the rest of it nor cared who won.

"What about our bikes? That needs to get handled."

"That is a casualty of war of, Jax. If it makes you feel better. Meat get over here." Pops was trying his best to make them all play nice with each other. "Is there something you would like to say?"

"I'm sorry I ran over your little scooters you like to ride." Pops gave him a stern look. "And if you don't piss me off, it won't happen again." Kyle found a lot of humor with it. He was trying not laugh. Jax sure as the hell wasn't laughing about it.

They wrapped up the meeting with Jax and Kyle. Everyone was putting their asses on the line to save our children by doing things they really weren't supposed to do.

Even Nero was back in the game by making deals with Marcus for help in Mexico with his connections. That's after Nero raised hell with Jax after we got back. It was another loud discussion as Tig puts it.

"I gave you my word." It was the last thing Jax said before leaving the picnic table.

"Your word doesn't mean shit to me, Jax. If you cross me this time. I won't have any remorse about killing you or any of Sons." Kyle walked away with the rest of the guys after he had his say in the matter.

Betrayal was always bitter to swallow down. There had been so much of it, even on my part. It was never the intent it's just how it ended up being. I thought of many times how I could have done things differently, handled it a little better and chose my options well. None of it mattered now though. Tomorrow would be the start of a new day, bringing my baby home.

Once they left and it quieted down. I rounded up the kids to take a bath. I thought of Abel. Sometimes he would throw a fit about it, he would give me every excuse to why he shouldn't take a bath. What I wouldn't give for him to be here to scream at the top of his lungs he didn't want to do it.

Ellie and Kenny went right to sleep tonight after they got cleaned up. Thomas was fussy so I took him out into the bar to not wake them up. I found Jax setting alone in the corner. Everyone was moving around him but he was in perfect still mode, ignoring all. I wanted to reach out and comfort him, I truly did. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. Not this time.

The kind of comfort Gemma gave him; he didn't want either. "I'm going Jackson. I will be there when you find Abel."

"You are not going. That's the end of it."

"We will see about that shit because I am going." Gemma was screaming when she left the bar. She was pretty determined it was going to happen.

"Tara, can you talk to me for a minute?" Jax called me over and I went even. "I get why you did those things with Kyle. I know being with a man like me isn't easy on you. My decisions have ended up hurting those I love the most. I'm sorry I keep making mistakes that put you and the kids at risk. Some of my decisions probably even pushed you farther away from me and to him. I feel farther from you than I ever have. I know it's my fault too."

It was almost a half ass confession of what I already knew took place the more he talked. Without me being given full disclosure of it. A definite confession of guilty on his part of all that happened. "I want us back, Tara." All I could see was Abel's little sad face, alone without me. Scared as any child would be. There was no way this time he wouldn't remember all of it and it would scar him for the rest of his life.

Even when we got the boys back; they still had so much to overcome from it. Maybe they totally could never rid themselves of the whole nightmare they went through. I almost had to refrain myself to not confront Jax here and now. But I went in another direction with it.

"What happens now, Jax?"

"You need to pack a bag for you and kids."

"Where the hell am I going?"

"Straight into the arms of the enemy. I'm trying to keep everyone whole and get Abel back. I'm running out of options. I need all the guys to go with us. There won't be enough left behind to protect Gemma, you and the kids. I love you, Tara. I'll never let you go or give up on us. Even if you've already given up on me."

Jax kissed me before he took Thomas out of my arms. He set back down in the chair and held on to his son for a long time.

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