Chapter 25
Brotherhoods
Brotherhood~ A group or organization who have the same interest joined together as one.
PART 3 of 6
Some insist Jackson would never do the things I wrote in the last chapter or throughout the others. They don't see him this way at all. I think it's time we address it. I am seriously not just hating on Jax and I cannot express that enough. I took those things straight from the show but changed them around a bit to fit the story. Ladies, I have been doing this the entire time too. Jax did those things.
I never felt it was Tara's fault for how things played out with Jax and the club. But it was her fault she never did anything about it and went along with it. Pretty is as pretty does; like loyal is as loyal does. You can't expect someone to continue to be faithful and loyal when it is never given back to them. I don't care who you are or what kind of relationship were discussing; best friends, mothers and daughters, sisters and most of all husbands and wives.
There is no woman more appealing to their man than when another man wants them. It's true in real life as much in the fictional world we all love so much. I have discussed this with many of you through PMs but I am throwing it out there for all now. Didn't you find it strange Tara was never once called hot or pretty by anyone, including Jax? While all the other women on the show were. Even those that only appeared once. Let's face it. She is gorgeous, well educated and could have any man she wants. Yet, no man paid attention to her other than Kohn. Which of course made her the damsel in distress for Jax to rescue. Jax never once had to work for her love in any way, make one single sacrifice to be with her or was made to feel like he wasn't the only one she could be with. I think about many things when I write this story. I can throw out a hundred more of these examples too.
I'm not saying Jax didn't love Tara. I honestly believe he really did with as much of his heart as he could. The only way he knew how to by what he seen and learned about love from not the best of influences. We are teaching him about love and the effects of it one chapter at time ladies. I don't expect everyone to agree with me or the methods of it. Our individuality and the way we see the world is what makes us all special.
Here are some writers I find to be similar with the way they do it. They give you a love story but still keep it real around the club members; Samantha Renk, elbeewoods and Alice1290. Excellent job ladies, keep rocking your stories! I am a huge fan.
BTW... Because this became extremely long. There are PART 1-PART6. My sweet Vera's song got moved to PART 4. Smooches my lovely!
The noise of the lighter lid shutting when he lit up a smoke is what woke me up. Jax set in the chair from across the room and just stared at me. Kenny and Ellie was still asleep lying beside me. From the soft glow of the night light I could see Thomas was out too in the crib.
The silence was awkward between us as I positioned my body to the side of the bed to sit up. With the study look in my eyes, it never stopped coming from him. It was what I felt I could say without anything being read into it or starting an argument with him.
"Did you sleep at all?"
"No."
"Are you going to lay down?"
"No."
Once Jax finished his smoke and snubbed it out in the ashtray. He immediately lit up another. It was a stress signal he gave out. Excessive smoking for excessive burdens weighing on him.
"Is there something you want to talk about, Jax?"
"No."
It was the finally word he spoke to me before rising up from the chair. He didn't make any sudden moments while he approached me. More casual and slowed down. By my chin he lifted my head up with his hand to meet his look once again. With a soft touch of the back of his hand to my cheek he walked away from me and out of the room.
Since I was wide awake now. I started a bag for me and each one of the kids. I unzipped the lining away from Thomas' diaper bag stuck the money down in there for safe keeping. As much stuff as I had piled on top of it, no one would guess to look in there. Then came the handgun. I put in my purse just in case I needed it.
After it was done I showered and started my day to damn early. There wasn't anyone stirring yet in the bar. Some had passed out in it though. I headed up to the roof to see what was going on there when I didn't see Jax in the chapel. The door was left open and it seemed to be his favorite spot lately to go.
Apparently not many had slept much last night. With the sun just beginning to send a cascade of light out I found Gemma at the edge of the building. Looking on with her morning smoke in her hand. She inhaled it deeply in her lungs before she acknowledged me back. "Good morning. Do you got the kids ready to go?"
"I do. Where are we going?"
"To bring Abel and Cody home."
"That's it? You knew the truth about what Jax did and you said nothing to me. Is this one of those times too, Gemma? When you wait until you think I need to know to tell me."
"It don't matter what I know. What matters is you know the truth and what you do with it now. It's what will change things. There are many shades of grey being an old lady. Do not allow Jackson to hide in those shades or push you farther into them. The truth doesn't always come in convenient black and white or at the best time. Vulnerability is a liability. There is no place for it in this life."
"That isn't very comforting, Gemma."
"It isn't meant to be, sweetheart. Blood is what makes you related. But loyalty is what makes you family. John knew that. It's what he used to always say. His legacy and the club will continue to live on no matter what I gotta do."
"What the hell are you talking about? Jesus Christ just when I think I know where you're coming from and what you are actually saying. That wasn't it at all."
"I love Nero and he is a good man. I've been shown a new way of life by him and what love is really meant to be like. But we are too old to do it all over again. He just doesn't have the strength or the heart for it anymore just like me. But Kyle does and you had to know that truth. He is young and still has fight left in him. He will do what he's gotta do to protect the ones he loves. It's the kind of man he is like."
The cigarette was let go between Gemma's fingers. It tumbled its way to down on the roof top. Her boot mashed it out until the fire from it was completely gone. She was done with our little conversation.
"You have no idea what kind of man Kyle is like." It was a smart ass comment. I thought for once I would give Gemma back what she gave me. Part of nothing that made any damn sense without knowing all of it.
My face was lifted up by her hand as her son had done to me earlier. Gemma wanted me to see her eyes and facial expression when she said it. "That's where you are wrong, sweetheart. I know exactly what man Kyle is like."
There wasn't any shaking the eerie feeling I got from Gemma. Did Kyle tell her the truth? I didn't believe he really would do that. Maybe I was making something out of nothing. She was always coming up with crazy shit I never got the meaning of. Either way, I would keep it to myself for now.
Down the ladder we both went back in the bar. I said it low when we reached the bottom. "Thank you for the money."
"Nero and I didn't give you shit." Hard core bitch Gemma had already come out this morning. I wasn't sure if it was for my safety of having the money or her safety of giving it to me.
There was still no sign of Jax around until I went outside.
"He's totally gone."
"Jackie, has been struggling. I don't know how much longer he can hold it together."
Bobby and Chibs were setting alone watching Jax. From their comments I wasn't sure if they were referring to the club or him personally. There was so much turmoil with all of them and every day brought something new their way. But it wasn't just them any longer experiencing it. It flowed over to his family now. Especially to our children. Abel got the blunt end of it.
From the looks of Jax he was tired, worn and very weary. His eyes were blood shot while he just stared at nothing. He set at the picnic table smoking and not paying any attention to what was around him. What I found odd was he didn't have his leather on yet either. It was always the first thing he did every morning. I went and poured two cups of coffee and set one down in front of him.
"Thanks."
"Are you going to tell me what's wrong?"
"I've tried so hard to juggle what's right for my family and patch. But no matter what I do it ends up being in a worse place than it was the day before. The more I hold on to it, the farther it gets away from me. I just get in deeper Tara until I can't find my way out anymore."
"Can't find your way out of what?"
"Do you really care anyway?"
"If I didn't care, Jax. Do you think I would still be here?"
"For how much longer are you going to be here with me? I didn't want to do this now but I got theses last night. It's why I couldn't sleep." Jax opened a large brown envelope up and held it in front me so there was no way I could miss it. "This one is my favorite. Would you like to see the rest of them?"
"You had me followed."
"Actually, I had Kyle followed for a couple of days. Precious had her old man do me a favor and he brought me the photos last night. I would have gotten them sooner but he's been out of town on a job. I wasn't gonna say a word until I seen them first. I couldn't have a club member do it. They would have been recognized. You've both grown too smart for that. Is there anything you need to tell me?"
"Kyle took Ellie to the dance that night. I did ask you first and you said no. You had club things to do. So, don't be mad me about him taking her instead you making the time do it. It was for Ellie, not me. I get now why you came home early that weekend and why you asked what my plans were. If you would put as much effort in our relationship as you do this, we probably would have a better one."
"I noticed you're leaving out the sweet tight embrace you have with Kyle in the photo."
"He gave me a hug before we left as you can clearly see it is out in the street by my car. It was just a hug. I've seen you hug and kiss hundreds of women both in my presences along with when you didn't know I was watching. Can we move on from it now?"
"When does it end? Or more so, where has it already went with you and Kyle?"
"I don't expect you to believe this, Jax. Before Abel was taken from me. I wanted to wipe the slate clean and start over with you. Not continue to ruin what we have left but for both of us move on from it all and find some common ground with each other. There has to be a mutual respect not just on my part but on yours as well. We need to stop playing the blame game. You and I have both made mistakes in this relationship. Some are just costlier than others."
Once again the Queen of Denial reached out to her King. I thought of Nero and his favorite bible quote; Love is patient, love is kind. It keeps no records of wrongs. Even when they rip your heart out and shatter your world a part.
Jax didn't say anymore as he seemed deep in thought now. We all had a list of sins we could run down daily we've committed. For months I examined, reviewed dissected mine many times over. Then there were ones we could remind the other of what they had done to us. But did it really matter in the long run? Would it change anything at all? Did it truly mean it wouldn't be done again? Was it only pushing out the one you love farther away because of it?
The longer I set across the table from Jax. I saw my son. Abel looked so much like him. Although if you went off of their actions, you couldn't even tell they were remotely related. I let out a couple of breaths thinking of what my poor child had already went through in the short time he has been on earth. He had already survived what most adults wouldn't.
My head was swimming when I got up from the table. The surroundings were foggy as I tried to move. A haze heat rising from the ground was felt. Sweat reached my forehead and palms before the other parts of my body. The fast beating of my heart reached out to each nerve ending I had and it made me feel the pain from it. Pain was supposed to be a reminder you were still alive. To me it was just a painful reminder.
"Are you okay, babe?"
Nothing came out when I tried to answer Jax. He had me sit back down at the table. I hadn't felt this way for a long time. My head was so cloudy and my heart so heavy.
"Do you want some water?" I nodded at his question.
Bless my little girl's heart. Ellie came to hug me after she was certain Jax went inside the clubhouse. She laid Donna's bible down to an opened page. Her timing was perfection lately.
Psalm 104:29 When you hide your face, they are dismayed; when you take their breath away. They die and return to their dust.
It made no sense either just like the rest of them at the time anyway. I was sure soon it would be brought to light for me in one way or another. Most of them had been the hard way and I saw this one no differently. I closed it up and handed it back to Ellie.
"Are you okay now?" Jax returned and set down a glass of ice water on the table.
"Yes. I feel better." This time getting up was easy. If only everything else I had to still face was.
"Tara." Jax held on to my arm as I went to leave. "Tell me you love me and mean it."
"I love you, Jackson. I always have."
SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA
Our bags were packed. I set outside with Gemma and the kids waiting to see what the hell was going to happen today. I finally just quit asking questions because when you got no answers for them it made you tired.
All the trucks came together through the gate. Gemma put her smoke out and grabbed her bag. "Our ride is here."
"I'm glad they filled you in, Gemma." I was being sarcastic with it of course. "Maybe someone can me before we actually get there."
It instantly started as soon as Jax seen him. I just shook my head as I was disheartened. The conversation we had meant nothing.
"So." Kyle tossed the photo down on the picnic table. He wasn't making the attempt to play this game with Jax. Or defend it either.
"You're still gonna stand there and tell me nothing is going on between you and Tara."
"This doesn't mean anything. I hug Gemma too but I'm not doing her either. You're reaching Jax because if you thought it was something real. You and I wouldn't just be standing here talking about it right now. I told you I will leave once this is done and I don't know what more you want from me."
Ellie waited until Kyle and Jax were done. She couldn't wait until we left here though and I couldn't even tell her where in the hell we were going to. The excitement didn't change from once she seen him either. "I told you I would be back for those, Little G. I'll trade you." Kyle took a set of dog tags out of his pocket that had her name stamped on it.
"What about me?"
"I thought you might want to make your own. Go see the big guy over there he will help you."
"Cool." Kenny was excited. It was nice to see this little boy actually be happy about something for a change. Ellie went with her brother over to the guys. They seemed to do okay with the kids.
They didn't come back empty handed. "We made one for Cody, Abel and Thomas too." All three were on the same long silver chain. I could hardly wait until the boys were near so they could see them. I wrapped the chain several times around the handle of the diaper bag before I clasped it on to it.
"Can we ride with Kyle?"
"I don't care if he doesn't."
"He doesn't care. He said to ask you if it was okay." Kenny and Ellie didn't waste any time making it back to the big truck with all the guys. I waited for Jax to say something about it but he didn't. He seemed so busy, I don't even think he noticed.
Jax gave Boomer the car seat to strap in for me. It was time for me to take another unknown journey through this shitty thing we called life. With no sense of what direction to go in or what the outcome of it would bring for me or my sweet children.
Jax carried Thomas and my bag to the truck. He gave him a kiss and strapped him in the car seat. Then it came our turn to say goodbye. "I love you, Tara."
"I love you too." Even when I let go of Jax he didn't me. If anything, his grip on me became even stronger. He squeezed me so hard, it was about to cut off my air flow.
"Jesus Christ, Jax. Why don't you piss down Tara's other leg to make sure you've marked her enough? Maybe that will keep Kyle away from her while we're gone."
"Meat, shut up." Pop stuck his hand out to Jax and he finally shook it. "You got my word, Jax. Your family will be safe. The kids will stay on base with my wife and guarded twenty four, seven there. No one can get to them not even by plane. If they invade our air space, they get shot down. Gemma, Tara and Nicole will come with me to Washington. When the guys meet up with you in Mexico. I can only get them a visitors pass for a couple of days without anyone asking to many questions. A plane will be sent to get you all out of there once you got the boys. Then, I'll send them all back to Charming once it's over."
"Thank you for watching over my family. But I need to hear it from Kyle before they leave here."
"What do you need to hear from me, Jax? We already have been over everything and we stick to the plan."
"Don't make me come for them because you know I will. I'll kill any shit that gets in my way of it."
"Okay and exactly what part of that has to do with me?"
"You know what it has to do with you. After this is over with. The way you did shit with my wife. I'm gonna make sure you feel my pain. Don't even think about keeping Tara or my sons away from me." Jax lit up a smoke and had no more comments for Kyle.
"Do you just spend time dreaming up new ways to annoy me? Just stick to the plan, Jax."
"You heard me."
"You know what, I'm not the reason Tara…"
"Kyle." Pops stopped it all. He once again reassured Jax it was what would happen. We would be safe there with him. My biggest concern was for my children. Until this was over I still had to fear the worst for all of them. Then afterwards too. "Tara, you and your son will ride with Boomer and Derrick. It is the most comfortable place for you."
"Don't worry, Ma'am. You are as safe with us as you are in your mother's arm. We should get going." He closed the door for me once I climbed up inside. I hadn't met him yet and he looked really young compared to the rest of them.
"Oh God, I hope not. I hope I'm a lot safer than that shit."
Pops moved on to the next problem, Gemma. He grabbed the cigarette out of her mouth before she went to get in the truck. "There is no smoking in the vehicles. You can during rest stops." This was like the second or third time I heard him give her this bit of information. He tossed it down then stomped out the smoke.
"Come on hot mama. You're with me." Meat opened the door for her again after she got the lecture. She took another smoke from the pack and gave Meat a sweet smile. He gave her a quick wink. I saw the new smoke already back in her mouth. If Pops thought she wouldn't defy him or challenge him every step of the way. He was sadly mistaken.
"Kyle and Tara sitting in a tree, K.I.S.S.I.N.G." When Meat was done singing his torturing little ditty. He blew Jax a kiss out the window on our way out of the parking lot.
"Meat." It was amazing their voices carried from truck to truck. You could hear Pops already yelling at him.
"I already know, Sir. Shut the fuck up or you will kick my ass from here to Texas and back. Don't you make me tell you again, boy or else. I reprimanded myself so you don't have to do it." He had all of them laughing at him. I sort of saw him as a male Gemma all most. But he still had a lot to learn to keep up her.
"What does Meat actually do?"
"Anything he can to get in trouble and us along with him. He isn't smart enough to know when to shut up or back down. I remember this one time when we were in Tijuana. He brought a goat in the bar and bet a Nun…"
"Don't tell Tara about that." Boomer stopped the guy from telling me. I almost had to laugh because I could only image the rest of it.
"Oh yeah, sorry Ma'am. I guess it's not exactly a female friendly story."
"You can call me Tara. You don't have to call me Ma'am."
He smiled and turned back around in his seat. They were having a conversation and I paid no attention to it. Thomas was already halfway asleep and I just stared out the window. They pulled off on a dirt road as we passed the welcome to Charming sign.
"Where are we going?"
"To get Nicole."
Nero's car was parked along the old dirt road. I expected her to be with him. They all got out as though they were waiting. I opened the door and stayed inside the cab with Thomas. The roar of the engine got louder and I looked for it. But I sure as hell didn't expect to see him come riding up with her.
"Perfect, the turned my sister into a biker bitch." The tone Kyle took about it told me he was less than happy with the situation.
In all fairness to Nicole, she was one hell of a hot biker mama riding behind Tig. Those shiny blonde curls of hers were cascading down around the helmet. Dark sunglasses on her pretty face with tight jeans accenting her attributes and high heeled black boots. She pulled off the look much better than I ever could.
"Oh, hell no." Boomer threw the gearshift into park and he was out of the truck quickly. Apparently I wasn't the only one kept in the dark on things. He had no idea Nicole was with Tig this whole time by all the bad things he had to say about it.
"Here we go again." The kid didn't move from the front seat but did opened his door too so he could hear what was going on with them.
"Have you had a hard time with Tig and Boomer?"
"The last time we had to separate them it was Kyle and your husband."
"Let it go. You're fighting a losing battle, trust me on this one. You know how high in demand biker dick is around here." Kyle was trying to stop Boomer from starting anything with Tig. While slamming me a little in the process. I ignored it because there were so many other things for me to pissed off about at the moment.
Tig didn't seem out of place with them. If anything he blended in well or just didn't give a shit what they thought. I was pretty sure he didn't really give a shit. After he kissed Nicole goodbye. He gave Gemma a kiss on the cheek too.
"Bye, doll. Stay safe." He gave me one as well. "I didn't betray the club by watching over Nicole. Gemma knew about it." It was something that came out of nowhere from him as if he needed to justify it.
"I didn't think you did, Tig."
"Nicole can't hurt the club. She doesn't know anything. She sees all the shit I try to hide from everyone and we can talk about it. She knows everything I hate about myself. But she doesn't judge me on any of it. I sort of like her. I really love hanging out with her. I haven't liked someone in a very long time or myself."
"Yeah, I get where you're coming from, Tig. Believe me I do."
Tig gave me another kiss on the cheek before he went around the truck to give Nicole another one. "I'm bring back two sombreros from Mexico. I'll be the naked guy with it on and bottle of Tequila in my hand waiting for you baby. So, look for me."
"You're on Tigger."
"Fucking bikers. I don't know what the hell women see in them." That was Boomers sentiment on it. "No offense, Tara."
"Sure."
Their conversation didn't get much better from here either once we got back on the road. You could tell he was irritated and pissed off about Tig being around her. She just kept ignoring everything Boomer had to say to her.
"Aw, look what Tig just texted me." She handed the phone over to me and damn he was a creative soul. I couldn't even imagine where he found a sombrero small enough to go on top of his penis.
"Let me see it, Nicole." She hesitated for a moment. When Boomer asked again she gave it to him. But it was a silent transaction of handing it over. He hurled her phone out the window. "Opps, I dropped your phone. I guess Tig won't be texting you anytime soon."
"Asshole."
Nicole wailed on him. I would say her aggressive manner she expressed wasn't just over the phone. I grabbed on to the door and Thomas' carrier because the truck was swerving on the road a little. As she didn't stop smacking him.
"Here we go again." I never caught the name of the kid in the passanger seat but he seemed to say the phrase a lot.
We were all in trouble once we pulled off to the side of the road. "Are you done now?" Pops didn't ask Nicole nicely either. He separated them and Boomer went somewhere else while we got a new driver. "This is exactly why no women are ever allowed to travel with us."
"How about you, are you going to give me any trouble?" I didn't say a word but with a shake of my head indicated no. "Then you'll be the only one." When Pops shut the door I heard him move on to the next problem. "Gemma, you are already wearing me out."
Once we finally made it back on the road I tried to talk to Nicole. At this rate it was going to take forever to get there. "So, you and Tig, huh?"
"I like Tig. He makes me laugh. We just hang out without any pressure of anything. It's not serious because let's face it he can't have a real relationship with anyone being in the club. I also don't think Jax will allow it anyway. He doesn't care for me very much because of Kyle. Tig came over and we had pizza with Cody. Tig took him for ride on his bike and my son adores him. He is the only man other than Kyle my son has even made an attempt to get close to." I squeezed her hand in mine. Then mention of Cody had her upset and it was a lonely mother's love peeking through the cloud of hurt.
Obviously Nicole noticed my wrist and what was on it. "So, you and my brother, huh? I just knew it was you he wanted it for. It was Julia's bracelet and you mean something to Kyle. Or he wouldn't have given it to you."
"We're just friends."
"Really girlfriend, are you still sticking with that story? Kyle tries to tell me the same thing but I think we all know better. Now don't we, Tara?"
"So, what is up with you and Boomer?" There was no way in hell I was explaining it all to Nicole. She wouldn't understand any better than anyone else does. Not that even Kyle and I understood it all.
"I didn't know I was pregnant and honestly I'm not sure I could handle two kids on my own. I do well with Cody but to start over with another baby would be rough. David made his choice and walked away from me not the other way around. I don't want his pity just because of what happened. If he really wanted to be with me, he wouldn't have left in the first place."
The rest of the way to the next stop we didn't talk anymore. We both had a lot if issues to address in our lives along with the worry we had for our little boys.
It was a restaurant where we parked. They were all hungry and I could have cared less about food. I got Thomas out of his carrier and grabbed his bag. I shoved my purse down inside of it to take with me. He needed to be changed and fed.
"Do you need help, Tara?"
"I'm good but I feel funny calling you Meat. What is your real name?"
"My name is Chris. Do you want to know how I got the name Meat?"
"Um… I'll pass. But thanks anyway."
His arm went around me and he was yelling it across the parking lot. "Kyle, I got your woman. Oh, Tara. That feels so good baby, don't stop." Everyone was looking at us and I hadn't touched him at all.
"That's Jax's problem, not mine."
It only made Meat laugh at his comment. "Kyle's just got his little girl panties on today. He'll come around."
"I really think we should probably leave him alone."
"What fun is there in that, Tara? Come on, work with me here. I do it because I know it irritates Kyle." When he caught up with Kyle his arm went around his shoulder too. "You know you miss me when I'm not around." Somehow, I didn't think Kyle missed him at all. Nor was he in a joking mood either.
The first stop was the restroom. After I went I changed Thomas. He hadn't fussed at all once today. He was such a good boy. We went and got in the long line in front of us.
"Do you want some money to feed Kenny and Ellie with?" Kyle only shook his head no and that was as much as I was going to get from him. I gave each of the kids some money to put in their pockets for later. So they could buy their own stuff and he wouldn't have to.
With a heavy shoulder bag weighing my arm down. I shifted Thomas from side to side so I could help Ellie and Kenny make their plates. When I felt it slip down I grabbed on to it only Kyle was taking it from me. He took Thomas too once he held his hands out and I let him. Gemma had Thomas on her lap when I set the kids down to eat finally.
Food wasn't doing much for me today. I chose a piece of chicken and macaroni and cheese. Mostly I was thirsty. After I got myself situated I set at a table alone. I didn't even want to hear what they were all talking about. From here I could keep an eye on all the kids.
"Is there room for me at the outcast table with you, Tara? Since you're not feeling the love either."
"Sure, Boomer have a seat. Misery loves company. Not any better with Nicole I'm taking it?"
"No. I probably shouldn't have thrown her phone out the window. I should have thought it through better but it just pisses me off she keeps ignoring me. At least yell at me or something."
"Yeah, I know the feeling all too well."
We ate without much conversation between us. When Kenny wanted more I was amazed he came to me first to ask if it was okay. He didn't want my help this time so I let him do it on his own. Ellie, she asked Kyle. I guess I should have known she would.
"If you want to talk to Tara. Call her phone and stop bothering me." The meal was interrupted as loud as Kyle was when he answered and slammed his phone back down on the table. We all knew who was calling by the way the conversation went.
Thomas' diaper bag was ringing on the back of Gemma's chair. I searched through it until I found my cellphone. I couldn't tell Jax where we were at until I asked Boomer. "Because I am not with him we stopped to eat. We will be there by tonight. I'll call you later. I love you too."
"Catching hell from the other side now, Tara?"
"Always." There wasn't any better way to explain it to Boomer than that. Jax just wanted to know where we were along with who was nearby. Part of me wanted to ask him the same question but I didn't. Maybe because I didn't want to know or maybe because it wasn't going to change much now.
The thing today that remotely put a smile on my face was seeing Thomas be happy. While Gemma held him Kyle scooped a small bit of ice cream on the end of the spoon. As my baby got a tiny taste of it he was kicking his legs and trying to follow it to get more. His little tongue was in overdrive. Gemma wiped his mouth before she handed him back to me.
"I'm going to smoke. Do you got him?"
"Of course, I have my baby."
"What about him?" She motioned her head and I knew who she meant.
"I don't think anything is going to make that boy happy today. Not with me anyway."
They finished up eating and Gemma was still outside smoking along with a couple of the other guys. She paced while she talked on her phone to Nero.
"I made this for you." Kenny handed me a picture of flowers he drew. It was actually pretty good.
"Thank you, honey. You did a great job on it." He didn't stick around after he handed it to me. This was pretty much the most interaction he and I had together.
On the road again after everyone got in the vehicles. It was almost dark when we came to a military base. There were three different guarded gates we had to go through just to make it on the inside. Each time we had to produce identifications and show the visitor's passes Pops gave us. While we waited outside the trucks so they could search them.
The story was Gemma was his sister and Nicole and I were his nieces coming for a two day visit. His wife met us at another guarded gate area. On the inside it looked like a mini community with houses, stores and a park. That's as far as I could see anyway.
"You have to say goodbye to the kids here, Tara. My aunt will take care of them. We are not allowed in there. It's for officers and their family on base only." Kyle hugged Ellie goodbye. "You're the oldest. So, you need to watch over Kenny and Thomas. Tara will be back to get you soon."
Kyle's aunt seemed sweet. She was willing to take on my three children to protect them. "Don't worry sweetie. They will be alright. Here is my phone number so you can call to check on them."
"Thank you for doing this for me."
"I'm a mother too. I can't imagine what you and Nicole are going through. But my thoughts are with you." Before we left I had to hug each one of them a couple more times.
The truck went forward from here to another designated area. They all piled out with their bags in hand. Nicole and I did the same.
One by one they walked before a concrete wall that must have extended twenty feet long. Fallen brothers were honored there. A gold plaque was fastened to it for each individual name of someone who never made it home. As the guys touched one or several of them before they went on. From what I heard them say it was a tradition upon arrival and departure from here.
It was Nicole I was worried about. She stood in one small area and tears were trickling down her face. I hadn't even noticed Gemma and Kyle were standing beside me.
"Is that Nicole's old man?" Kyle only nodded at Gemma. "I've got her. No one knows more about burring husbands than I do." Gemma tried to sooth her pain. Nicole had so many painful things to deal with lately. They walked away together. Gemma was talking to her when they set down on a bench.
Next it was Kyle's turn. I knew he was reliving it all again in his head. The pain of watching it happen, the horror from losing his brothers and the guilt of being the one who survived from it. It was something he had to do though. I gave his arm a squeeze as went I by to let him know I was here. Then went to join Gemma and Nicole because we weren't allowed to go where the guys went to.
We didn't sit long until Pops came to take us to the visitors' center. It was more like a dorm than anything. We were also assigned a personal guard to make sure nothing happened to us or we didn't cause any trouble. He ran down the list of conduct rules we were expected to act by. When I questioned what he was talking about on one of them, he made sure I understood it.
"Don't diddle my Marines. Emotions make them weak and women distract them. You won't as much as flash them a pretty little smile while the three of you are here. That is counting but not limited to Kyle. Do you understand?"
"Yes, I got it. Don't diddle your soldiers."
"They are not soldiers. They are Marines; my fight machines. That's the way they need to stay to not get themselves killed. Now, I'll have them set you up with a wet hooch." When I asked what the hell that was. He spun around quickly on his heels. "That is quarters with a shower. Unless you prefer a dry one." He looked Gemma up and down. "I bet you don't prefer a dry one."
"You got that shit right."
Our room had three beds to it and a bathroom. That was it. Gemma wanted a smoke. Only there was a specific area for it too. Pops and our new guard friend walked us to it. It was the place where the guys hung out at. There was a bar, a huge television, a bunch of couches and a pool table.
"Gentlemen, put away your dicks, porn and skin magazines. There are ladies present. Anyone who steps out of line with them. Will answer to me."
Gemma set down by Meat on the couch and immediately lit up. "Don't put it away on my account. She's got a nice rack." Pops just shook at Gemma head. "What? I didn't give one little smile his way."
"Don't let them out of your sight. Return them to their quarters in an hour." Pops told our guard before he disappeared out the door.
"Yes, Sir."
Nicole and Gemma fit right in here. Me, not so much. I already missed my children and didn't talk to anyone. Those two, however, were the social butterflies of the room. They offered me a drink but I had nothing good to drink to. I got myself a glass of water and looked out the giant window at the world passing me by.
When I looked up Kyle was watching me. But went back to reading the book he had in his hands. I didn't know what to say to him either. Or how to mend what I had broken between us even though it was not intentional. Most of the time when I was in doubt, I done nothing at all. I chose to take a different approach this time.
"What is the book about?"
"Do you really want to know about the book or are you trying to get me to talk to, Tara?"
"Both."
"I'm reading about Morrigan. She is the goddess of war, fertility and the keeper of the crows. The circle was complete by her; life and death. She also taught Odin some of his magical powers before he married Frigg. She could shape shift into the form of a crow and then walk the earth as a human too."
"Are you making this up? Some of the other guys are reading naked chick magazines. Or I guess looking at the pictures anyway and you are reading mythology?"
"No, I'm not making it up." Kyle handed me the book as proof of it I thought. At the beginning there was a picture of a woman with long dark hair adorned in red garb. A crow rested on each arm she held out. With more crows encircling her body and flying above her. The phrase was in bold print underneath it.
"I call upon thee, great Morrigan. Theehold goddess of power. From the depths of the life, from the world of man, from the reaches of the magic.
I call on thee to descend on my body. Thy servant and priested. And lend your energies to me this day. As I walk in the human world. Ever seeking balance of evil."
"What else do you know about her?"
"Don't think I don't know you're trying to suck me in, Tara. It won't work this time. I'm learning to pick my battles because I have so many of them now. Fighting with you isn't one of them. It should be us against the world. Not us against each other. Let me know when you got that part figured out too." Kyle closed the book and left without another word to me.
"I guess, I deserve that."
Our hour went by quickly. Gemma chain smoked as many as she could too. Our guard walked us back to our room. I changed and fell on the bed. I was tired and it was only nine o'clock.
"Tara." I no more than dozed off when Gemma was shaking me. "We're busting out of here."
"Won't we get in trouble if we leave?"
"What are you, the damn hall monitor? I need a smoke." As cranky as she was. She really did need a smoke.
"Seriously? We're going out the window again?"
"Yes we are. I know where to go. Kyle and I basically grew up here. Just follow me girls."
Nicole knew exactly where to go too. We were bobbing and weaving our way around without anyone noticing us or getting caught. A locked gate wasn't a problem either. She entered the code and we passed through it too.
"It's about damn time, Nicole. I almost gave up and went back to my room."
When the hell I missed Nicole and Gemma setting this all up, escaped me. I really needed to pay more attention. Gemma alone was bad enough but with Nicole, they were a combination of trouble.
We piled into the green jeep with Kyle. The roll bar became our friend to hold on to because of the wild ride we were on. The giant grassy hill he took us up felt unstable and we were going to tip over or roll over. I was never so happy to be parked. Unlike Nicole and Gemma who seemed to actually enjoy it.
The guys were all there with a fire on the beach. They had the radio cranked up and were drinking. It was their private hide way they came to on a frequent basis.
"Can't you get in trouble for this?"
"They can't do anything to me. I'm a civilian. The only thing I'm doing wrong is; trespassing on government property and impersonating a Marine. Which are federal offenses. Pops knows they all come out here at night. He just acts like he doesn't. They get leniency because they are the best at what they do."
"Aren't you the best at what you do, Kyle?"
"Don't suck up to me now, Tara." It was the only smile he gave me since we left.
They were loud and there was a lot of laughter around me going on. I set a log alone and only watched them all interact with each other.
"Take a walk with me, please?" I let out a long sigh and said it again. "Please."
"Okay." Kyle finally agreed to go. He seemed reluctant at first but I wasn't going to quit asking until he went along with it.
Along the sandy beach we walked in silence. The wind was gentle and the water lapped up on the shore against us at times. It actually felt good when the combination of water and air hit my skin. Since the sun fell it gave me a sight shiver from the cool sensation of it.
"Since we didn't get to finish our conversation the other night. I really want to fix this. I'm so sorry for everything you went through for me and my children. I know you didn't have to do any of it. Now I get why you were so messed up when I got out of the hospital. You should have never been put in that kind of position by Jax or had to feel the guilt of it. I still don't know everything but I know you've shown me nothing but loyalty and kindness. I swear, I never meant to do anything to hurt you, Nero or Gemma. It doesn't excuse it even though it wasn't intentional."
Kyle still wouldn't budge there wasn't anything back from him. So I continued on as if I were talking to myself. "I know you don't owe me anything. But please talk to me, yell at me or something." Since he wasn't going to do that. I plopped down in the wet sand and I would wait it out or enjoy the feeling of the cool water if nothing else.
It was relaxing just sitting on the sandy seashore. If I could only bottle this moment for those rocky times ahead of me. The foamy mist from the ocean lightly sprayed onto my face softly as a feather. The moonlight glistened on the water with shiny diamond ring waves moving about. Some of those waves crashed against the rocks farther down from us. As they came in on the sand around where we set. My shorts and legs were wet from it.
"Are you going to say anything to me at all, Kyle?"
"Anything."
"Really, smart ass?"
"I don't know what you want me to say, Tara. I'm trying to keep my distance from you because you know once this is over. I won't be around anymore. It has to be goodbye at some point."
"What about John, the crows and Ellie? Are you going to just leave her too? I know you play a role in the past, present and the future of what will happen. I just haven't figured it out yet."
"What choice do I have?" When I went to intervene with my opinion Kyle halted it. "Please don't stop me until I'm through, Tara. This is something I hate to do but there isn't many options left anymore. We've been doing this together for months now. So many months have passed by I lose track sometimes. We meet just like this, every single time. Away from everyone so no one knows. It's almost gotten to be normal to me. I guess what we've done is wrong or we wouldn't hide it. Although it's not how I feel. I did all those thing for you and I would do them again. I have no regrets about the time we've spent together. It's going to hurt me to not see you anymore and I will miss you. I can't lie about that part. This is what has to be done. I'll leave and you will go back to the life you had before we met. Don't forget me because I won't ever forget you."
"Where are you going?" There were many other things I wanted to say. But he had said most of them for me.
"I'm hopping a plane to nowhere. Somewhere warm and tropical; sun, fun and whatever comes. I just have to worry about getting Nicole and Cody out of Charming first. Then I'm gone."
"Nicole and Cody are leaving too? So, everyone is leaving me. I've become really good friends with her. Abel will be crushed when finds out Cody is leaving."
"What did you think was going happen? They can't stay there anymore. Jax and I cannot peacefully co-exist in the same place. I can't leave them there to get hurt again or even worse next time. You will always choose Jax, Abel and Thomas over me. Just like I have to do what is best for Nicole and Cody over you. It's not how I want things to be. It's the way they have to be. I can't stay and you will never leave."
"It's doesn't have to be that way, Kyle."
"Unfortunately, it does. You had to of known it would come down to Jax or me eventually. I prefer it to be me left standing in the end. Leaving will slow it down for a while but that time will come. It's clear he is not going to have it any other way."
"So, what now?"
"Just kiss me and say goodbye, Tara."
His hand wiped away my tears before he took me in his arms and gave me a such a sweet kiss. The water came in around our feet where we stood but it didn't stop the moment.
"Kyle." One of the guys was yelling for him down the beach.
"Yeah."
"Sorry to interrupt. We're heading back."
"We will be there in a minute."
I hope you enjoyed reading me!
Chapter 26, PART 4. I should have posted by this evening. I am editing it today.
Thank you for leaving a review, marking this story as your favorite or alert!