Chapter 33,
Part 4 of 4
Crossroads~ Two realms touch a place literally. Neither here nor there; linked in between them. Used to summon a demon. In order to broker a supernatural deal with the devil.
Just found a wonderful Jax and Tara story. Honor Over Anarchy, by Sage013. It is an original type story; you guys know I am a sucker for those. Give it a read and of course leave her some love if you do.
Real life was nasty. Just down right cruel at times. It didn't care about heroes and happy endings or the way things should be or end up. In life, bad things happened; people died, fights were lost and evil often won. I just wanted to make it clear to myself before I begun. But when you claimed you would go to hell and back to protect the ones you love, you better mean it.
Abel woke me screaming at the top of his lungs. A bad dream invaded my baby's slumber. His body was shaking, the tears no matter how fast I wiped them away, kept falling. My embrace of him in my arms didn't stop the way he felt. But eased him knowing I would always be here to wrap him in my love. Shield him as much as I could from the bad things in this world.
It must have woken up Ellie as well. She set down with us and held out the familiar trinket I gave her. To help her with the demons chasing her in night mares. "This is a dream catcher. It takes away all the bad dreams."
"Really?"
"It does. I know so because it took away all of mine. Someone special gave it to me. Now, I am giving it to you."
The maturity level Ellie had grown to was amazing. She hugged Abel back when he thanked her. Then she helped him hang it off the post from his bed. When I looked on at what transpired between the two of them, we had become a family. Dysfunctional at times, yet they were taking care of each other.
It sent my mind thinking what would happen to my children if I was gone. There was a price to be paid for every action. My bill hadn't come due yet. Although, when the time came. I just somehow knew my children would form a tighter bond and care for one another.
"Do you know what we need guys?" They both shook their heads no. "This is a chocolate chip cookie and milk moment." Ellie smiled because it was exactly what she and I had done when she couldn't sleep. Abel wasn't showing enthusiasm about it but he went along with it.
We got everything together we needed to make them. It was two in the morning and we were baking damn cookies. The fact we were doing it together was the important part.
Ellie made a happy face on her cookie. Abel made the same attempt as he got crazy with the chocolate chips on his. He could have used ten bags and I wouldn't have cared. Now, his mind was occupied on something pleasant.
"We don't ever tell Kenny or Thomas we got up in the middle of the night and ate cookies." We clanked our milk glasses against each other's. Then enjoyed our warm gooey snack.
Abel went to grab his dream catcher and brought back his monkey too so he could sleep with it. Gemma was a big influence in his life, she was in his heart. He kept the monkey close to him at all times as she wanted.
"Do you know what Mommy always did with me and Kenny before we went to sleep?"
"What?"
Ellie kneeled along beside my bed and clasped her hands together tightly. Abel did the same with her. She said it slowly so he could repeat it after her. "Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I die before I wake. I pray the Lord my soul to take."
"Amen to that." I could relate to each and every word spoken. "Goodnight, Ellie."
Abel got in bed with me. It wasn't long until he drifted off to dream land once again. I only prayed this time, those dreams wouldn't drag him under and play on his fears.
Although, I couldn't sleep. I had so many things running through my mind to get to the point of a restful slumber. I flipped on the light and Abel didn't move from the spot he laid in.
"I might as well read some."
The trap was set by Odin and Goddess Morrigan for King Author. She lured Author in to the woods and he took the bait. Odin and his men waited to ambush him. Author had killed Odin's son. Odin never forgave him and in a fit of rage killed Author's father.
Author knew once he reached the caves, it was a trap as Morrigan showed herself from her disguise. Author's men were captured by Odin and his men. There was nothing left for Author to do but fight with honor until death. Merlin however, intervened. The great sorcerer was eventually cornered with Author. He had taught his magic to Morrigan too well.
Odin instructed his men, he would be the one to kill Author. The sword fight between them was brutal. Arthur eventually had conquered Odin with his sword to Odin's throat. Merlin stops Arthur from killing Odin. "To kill what you hate you must become it. After you kill the monster it does not die. It becomes a part of you. Do not fall to evil, it will accomplish nothing."
"Jax became the person he hated the most in the process too. When he killed Clay."
The book was slammed shut, it was already the next day. It engrossed me so much, I couldn't put it down. The sun broke through the window. It was early still and I wanted to get started. Abel was asleep and I let him be. Got dressed but left the bedroom door open so I could hear him if he needed me.
Ellie was up already reading her book. Her brother had cartoons on the television with a bowl of cereal in hand.
"I want you guys to go through your clothes. What you can't wear anymore bring to me."
The place to start was Abel's room. I gathered up a couple of arms full of his stuff. In the garage, I found several boxes to pack up the ones he couldn't wear anymore.
Kenny brought me very little while his sister brought over half the stuff she owned in. It wasn't a surprise she out grew them all. She was a young woman now. I hoped she would find her own sense of style, her own way. I didn't have any of that figured out when I was her age.
"What's going on?" Jax had Thomas in his arms. They set down on Abel's bed as I kept packing up their stuff.
"All the kids need new clothes. They can't wear these and I am donating them to charity."
"Go buy them some." He handed Thomas to me and took several hundred dollars out of his pocket. I didn't ask where he got the money. Or maybe I just didn't want to know how he earned it. "I'm gonna take a shower and a nap. If you're off today, take them shopping."
"No thanks, I don't want to drag a babysitter along to watch me with my children."
"Look, I know shit is stressed between us and has been for some time. We will get past this like we always do. Take the kids shopping and go get some lunch. I'll tell the Prospect you don't need him today." He kissed me on the cheek and Thomas on the forehead. Never asked me what I thought about the matter before he left the room.
"You're the boss, Jax."
We got ready to go. The kids seemed happy about getting out, so I tried to be as well. But there was one who just went with the flow. Abel didn't show much emotion one way or the other. It still worried me, he was harboring his fears and would learn to hate from it. It was what I had done as a child and had fleeting moments still as an adult.
"Ellie, I am going to let you shop alone. If you need me I will be in the boy's section."
Honestly, the boys could care less what I bought for them to wear. They got bored fast with clothes shopping. They especially fought me on trying them on. Except Thomas, he went to sleep in his stroller.
"Let's go find Ellie and pay for our stuff. Are you guys hungry?"
"Yes." At least Kenny responded to me. Abel just shrugged his shoulders when I asked again.
After we found Ellie and got her clothes she picked out, I paid for them all. Once I got the bags and kids loaded up in the car we went to get something to eat.
Then, the text came through. The one that would change everything and break my heart. Kyle sent it to me to see if we had a chance to come say goodbye. They were leaving town tonight. He added to it there was a surprise for Abel and he hoped I wasn't going to be mad at him for it.
There was no time like the present. If I wanted to see them before they left, it had to be now. We weren't going to have but a few minutes to drop by. We agreed to meet up at the park. It was a neutral place and I wanted Abel to have closure.
"We are going to the park. Cody is there."
But I had no idea what the surprise was for Abel. It was a huge one for me too. Cody had George on a leash. "He will watch over you since I won't be around. I want you to have him."
Kyle mouthed the words sorry. I wasn't though when I saw Abel's face happy again. It meant a lot to him Cody was willing to give up the dog.
"Can I keep George? Please Mommy."
"You can keep him." Abel didn't know if he should hug me, Kyle or Cody first. So, he made his rounds to all of us.
The kids played with the dog and I kept checking my watch. "Do you need to go?" Kyle quizzed me but I think he already knew the answer.
"I should go."
"I will miss you, girl." He looked around for the kids. They were all still playing but Ellie was paying attention. So he only smiled at me and stepped farther away. I just couldn't let him leave like this.
"Kyle, I will miss you. I know you come in to my life for a reason. You came at the time I was so weary and felt alone. Even when you could of, you didn't pass judgement on me like others do. I needed someone. I needed a friend. You were always there to cheer me up, accept me and understand me for who I really am. So, before you go away. I just want you to know how thankful I am fate brought you in to my life. I am so glad me met and I wouldn't have done anything differently. You deserve to be with someone who doesn't complicate your life. Someone who you can have a future with. So, no matter how much I will miss you, I want you to be happy."
Sometimes in the battle of love, one must surrender and give way for the other person to go. No matter how much you love the other. Someone, must make the sacrifice and let go. Even if it really hurts. I was trying to but I just clung to him even tighter. Our embrace was our final one and we both wanted to make it last as long as we could. I was actually relieved he broke from me first, I wasn't sure I had the strength to.
"I will always love you girl. I've never met anyone like you and...I… I want you to be happy. I'm just a phone call away if you ever need to talk."
"What about you? You won't call me, will you?"
"No, I won't call. If my leaving restores some balance around here. Then so be it."
"Don't forget me." It was straight from the heart. More emotions than I had let escape me in a long time. My vulnerable side just came out when I was around him.
"Never, girl."
Our hands reached out to the other until only our finger tips could touch. With a sweet smile, he finally let go of me. Once he got in the truck he didn't look my way again. He started it up and drove out of my life forever.
It was amazing when two complete strangers found more than common ground to become best friends. It was truly sad when two best friends were destined to become strangers again. It pained me to watch him go.
SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA
"I need to cash in my retirement."
"How much do want to borrow against it?"
"All of it."
Margret lookup from the form she filled out in dismay. "You will lose most of your money by cashing it in now. After fees, penalties and taxes. You will be lucky to get thirty percent of it."
"I know. Just get it for me."
"Tara, it's none of my business…"
"It's my decision. Please just get for me as quickly as you can."
My appointments were canceled for the next week. When they asked me if they should reschedule them for me, I stalled at first. Replied with the obvious finally. "No."
There was nothing remaining inside of it or a drawer I didn't go through in my office. I had to make sure I took what I needed from here. Once I was certain I filled my bag with the necessities. I closed the door and locked it behind me. The name plate on the door was what I used to be; Dr. Knowles. "Maybe again someday."
The rear view mirror shot an image of myself in it when I got in the car. My sunglasses covered my eyes, my heartbreak. But nothing could conceal or hide away the pain I knew. It wore on my face as a distress signal.
"There is no looking back now. No going back on the choices I've made." I was giving pep talks as needed to myself. No one else would do it for me.
The way everyone stared at me as I walked down the street. I felt as out of place as I must have looked. But I didn't care. Forward I went and turning back wasn't any longer an option.
"When a woman wants me to meet them in a dark alley, I get a little nervous."
"Can you get them?"
"I can but, it's not cheap."
"I'll have the money ready. Just let me know when."
"If your old man finds out I helped you, there will be hell to pay."
"Jax won't find out."
"How can you be so certain he won't?"
"A little birdie told me so."
"Tara, I hope you realize the consequences you will suffer from this."
"We all make choices, but in the end our choices make us. Consequences are all I got left in this world. Just get them."
If you build the guts to do something, anything, then you better save enough to face the consequences. Everyone told a story about who they were in their own head. That story defined you, dictated all your actions and all your mistakes. It spoke loudly within your heart, it became your passion and your purpose. And this was a good thing, the best of things. Because it was the very definition of love, nothing less. Life could only be understood when played backwards, as the ending was made by your beginning; but it must be lived in forward mode. "If I'm going down, I'm going down my damn way."
The car was headed in the direction of home. My mind still chased after where my hearts was. But I needed to be with my children. At least Jax hadn't fought me about keeping them at home instead of the clubhouse. Which I was grateful for it.
Nitta watched them for me today and was rounding up her things when I arrived. "You look tired. Would you like for me to stay here tonight?"
"Thanks for the offer. But you go home."
The kids and I decided tonight was a pizza night for sure. We ordered two and broke the rule of eating in the living room in front of the television. I had broken so many rules lately, this was a minor one.
Fatigue and exhaustion worn on me. For almost a week I hadn't slept other than a few hours at time when I couldn't fight it any longer. The kids seemed to be in same mode. Baths were taken and even they were ready for bed early.
It was a round of kisses for all. "Mommy, you didn't kiss George." The ritual became the dog slept on the floor by Abel's bed. For the most part, the dog had fit in well with our daily routine. It hadn't been as much of an inconvenience as I thought it would be having one. Although, wherever you found Abel, George wasn't far behind.
"Goodnight George." I only gave her a pet on the head. It was enough to make my son happy. That was what made my world go around when they were.
Just about when I was half out, I heard the dog barking at the front door. She was acting oddly by scratching at the floor, she had never done it before. "Stop that. I will take you outside." I couldn't make her sit still long enough to hook the leash in her collar.
"Come back here." She took off like a shot. Barking, growling and snarling in the darkness. "George." The eerie feeling something was definitely wrong came over me. Goosebumps raised to the top of my skin. "Oh shit." I hurried back to the front door.
The fog started rise from the lawn, it stopped me in my tracks. It was all too familiar to me. The flash of light across the skies lit it up enough so I could see what was taking place before me. "Come, sit with me." The old woman I watched a movie with. She had a large screen in my front yard ready to go with a weathered wooden bench ready for us. Just as she had before.
"This can't be real. Who are you really?"
"I've been with you from the beginning my child. Who do you think I am?"
"I'm not sure. I think…" When I looked over at her again she took the form of Morrigan. Kyle's mother was her human form, she who set there with me. Her long hair hung over her red blood dress. The white faced crow, the white crow and the large black crow rested quietly beside her.
"Just watch the movie. Then maybe you will see things in a different light."
The camera rolled as the grey screen lit up with black and white images. His eyes danced with happiness as his face flashed across the screen. So young, still a boy and not a man yet. The years played on with John Teller. It went from him fighting for his life in Vietnam to more care free years.
His history in the making, I witnessed it before my very eyes. I chocked back the tears when I saw him with Thomas and Jax, his sons. He still appeared as a happy person. Each time the screen flashed another image of him, it dissipated away. Mentally unstable, he lived a terrible tortured life.
Jittery with every movement he made, anxiety was what he experienced every day. Fear was what he lived in and fought off but could never conquer. When he finally surrendered to it being his life and always there with every aspect of the club. John met Julia.
His eyes shined once again the brilliant blue he passed on to his sons and grandsons. A smile was worn even in the hard times. He acted more settled down than restless. Until a fiery crash in to the semi-truck ended it all for him. Just like the ending to all mine, fire engulfed your surroundings and it was over.
"The reason we suffer from our emotions is not from the emotion itself. But because of our resistance to that particular emotion." She handed me a Kleenex because I was a blubbering mess now.
The assumption was the movie was over too. But it wasn't, now it was showing me colors and it was impossible for the screen we looked on at. A beach with the clear white sands, the perfect ocean water color and temperature of the sun lapping up in waves.
Over the hill was a lighthouse. Years of salty air had reduced the once gaily painted walls to a pitted grey and red, like nail varnish mostly worn off. A woman's hand reached out to touch the walls. I could almost feel both the roughness and the softness of what little paint remained on it from sitting here watching it. With each deep breath I took in, I could taste the brine in the air.
"This is impossible."
"Nothing is impossible if you want it badly enough, Tara."
Close by the ocean, the waves pounded rocks as if it wished to scatter them from the uniform shape they had. On top of the lighthouse the sun streaming into the windows when I saw her reflection coming from them. Her long dark hair flowing with a pure innocent white dress on. The smile she had was positively glowing. I gasped out loudly. As I was the woman in the movie.
For only the darkness to find its way to me. In the darkness, the only sign of the lighthouse was the brilliant white light. It even almost failed in the thick air. Between black cloud and black ocean, it gave illumination to the waves, sculptured by the wind, dancing and it was powerful. The light found its way through all of it.
"Until the light is satisfied. None us shall rest." I heard the words she spoke. But I couldn't look away from the screen.
The lighthouse was stark against the sky, newly painted white against ominous clouds of deepest charcoal. From the top came the light, a wide beam that swept across the choppy waters in arcing sweeps, immobile as the briny air lashed the outer walls. The light continued to grow brighter with each pass it made. The glow was stronger. I had to cover my eyes as it was blinding me.
"I think know where that is. I..." She was gone, disappeared like a ghost in the night. When I looked back so was the screen. I was sitting on the front porch watching George run around the yard.
I shot straight up in bed trying to catch my breath. "It was just a dream. It had to be." But was it? There clutched in my hand was the Kleenex. I needed to find the paper. The drawing Kyle had done for me was in my panty drawer.
"Jesus Christ. It is real." I now knew where I thought hadn't been before. Quickly I found my cell and started to dial the numbers before I stopped myself. "I can't drag Kyle back in the web. He won't be alive if I do."
For the rest of the night, I tried to concentrate on anything but what previously happened. Needless to say, it didn't work well.
"The hell with it." The kids were all asleep when I check on them. I hadn't gone through Thomas's stuff yet. As soon as I dumped out his diaper bag, I felt how heavy it was. "It's still here."
The money Nero and Gemma gave me was safely still lining the bottom of the bag. I had to find a good spot to hide it. In our room, I dragged a chair over and unscrewed the vent. I put it in a plastic baggie and stuck it in there for safe keeping for now. There would be a lot of other things tucked away too.
For the rest of the night, I cleaned like a whirlwind. Boxes were stacked up by the front door that I would drop off to charity when I had time. Other things were sorted in piles. Shoved in duff bags and put in the back of the closet.
It broke me when I came across old pictures. A year book and momentums I had saved. "What the hell happened to us?"
Indeed, the past hurts from who you were to who you became. You could run from it or stand firmly and learn the life lesson intended for you. "I'm not running anymore. I will not fail my children."
Letting go doesn't mean that you don't care about or still didn't love someone anymore. It's just realizing the only person you really have control over is yourself. Their devastating actions against you or anyone else were beyond what your needs or wants dictated.
No matter how much suffering you went through. It was the hardest to shake the good memories. These were what a strong foundation was built on. The bad memories were what crushed it with enough weight to make it crumble down around you though.
It also meant they were a part of your history that made you who you are today. But not necessarily a part of your destiny. At some point in your life you had to answer for your role you played in it. Answer for the part where you made mistakes. Answer for the stance you took or didn't take. It made all the difference to your world and those around you.
Ellie held out a Kleenex for me to take. It made me cry even harder she had to witness me be like this. She handled it like a trooper and pro. Me, I was a sad mess. I had slumped down in the middle of the hallway for my mini breakdown. They were tears of sadness, love, remorse, guilt and what happened over the years to get us to this point.
"We need chocolate. It always cheered my mom up."
We even invited Phil from the morning watch to come in for breakfast if he wanted to. Chocolate chip pancake batter filled a bowl and ready to cook.
"You have really cleaned everything up."
"Yeah."
"Tara, do want me to load the boxes in the car for you?"
"Thanks, Phil."
While he did that I made pancakes for the kids. Jax came in before we were done. I set a plate down in front of him too. "Thanks."
"You're welcome."
We set across from one another at the table like normal. Although I had trouble looking Jax directly in the face. I more hung my head and only ate. It made we wonder how he done it so well. Looked me in the eye without an ounce of remorse or guilt. Cheated and it never affected him at all. He acted like it was just a normal part of life.
Guilt was to the soul what pain was to the body. There was a luxury in self reproach. When we blame ourselves, we felt that no one else has a right to blame us or it was theory because it wasn't working for me. It was the confession, not the priest, that gives us absolution. If there was such a thing as total absolution given. There were somethings you could never come back from.
"Tara, are you listening to me?"
"What, Jax?"
"I said, are you planning on taking those boxes today? I will be here for a couple of hours if you want to do it."
"Yeah, sounds great. Thanks."
"I'll be here to watch over the boys." Ellie made sure to throw that in there before she excused herself from the table.
"I won't be gone long."
It went smoothly. Two guys came out to the car and had them unloaded in no time for me. "Thanks."
The light shone so brightly through the window it almost blinded me without my sunglasses on. Then her words came back to me.
"Until the light is satisfied. None us shall rest."
You were always free to choose. But were never freed from the consequences of your choices. The choices to make, the chances you took and the changes that came about because of it. You must make a true choice to take the chance or life would never change was you knew it to be.
'Goddess Morrigan also grants monarchs the power of sovereignty.'
"I have to do this. It has to be done." I wish I could call him up and discuss all of this before I done it. Ask him questions of what I discovered. That was no longer possible. Kyle had to get as far away from here as he could and stay away if he was to survive it. I was told to follow my heart, go down the best path at the time and it would keep my children safe. This was it.
The walk on the twisted path of fate got longer each time I took it. But I felt at ease, this was what felt right and I had to go through with it now.
"I want you to know. I will fight just as hard for your children as I will my own. I am sorry for what the club did to you and your family. I know it doesn't change anything but, I am still sorry Opie."
It was only a short walk between where they laid in their final resting places. But it seemed like it took me an eternity to get there to say what I needed to her. Time passed as I searched for the best words to use, what meaning I needed to relay. I knew it could have just as easily been me in her place and my children left motherless from it.
"They miss you so much. Ellie has the hardest time without you, being a girl and the oldest. I can never replace you with her or Kenny. I promise as long as I am alive, they will always have a home with someone who cares for them and loves them."
These were the things I wondered if someone would say and do for my children when I was gone. But who would my children really have? When I was in these very shoes as a lonely little girl without anyone, no one came to my rescue. Would my children find themselves in the same position?
"I think the biggest struggle for me is between doing the right thing verses keeping my family together. I tried, I really did. I'm sure you experienced the same trials and struggles. Everyone judging you without knowing the truths and reasons for what you did."
"I hope I'm not interrupting. I find when I talk to dead people, it's a very one sided conversation." They startled me. My mind was in another place. Bogged down with so much shit, so much I couldn't process it all.
"Thanks for meeting me here. It's the only place anymore, I feel like I can get any peace."
"Sure, hanging out in cemeteries creeps me out. What do you want to talk to me about? You said on the phone you have something important for me."
"This is for you. Page one hundred forty two has some very interesting reading."
"Why would I want to read a medical book for?" When I didn't respond, never said a single word. They finally opened the book. "What the hell is this?"
"The truth. People say they want the truth but they really don't. What you do with this information, is all on you." I put my sunglasses on and I done what I came to do. "Be a believer. You will be blessed because of it. May all of us receive many of god's blessings, we're going to need it."
SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA
"I don't understand Lowen, why any court would not grant me custody of Kenny and Ellie. They didn't deny me about Abel."
"It was a different kind of hearing. You were with Jax at the time, the father of Abel. This is a full blown adoption process of both parents. Once they run the background of Jax, a convicted felon. It could send up some red flags is all I am saying. To make the process more difficult. I think I can get the court to grant temporary custody of them to you without a problem. As long as Mary is willing to sign the paperwork."
"She will sign it, she doesn't want them. Get the rest of it done. I need it as soon as possible"
"Tara, what is the urgency on this? It doesn't sound like Mary cares if they continue to live with you."
"I'm protecting my family. I don't want my children torn apart. Your concern is getting it done. Let me know how much I owe you."
There was no one I trusted anymore. No one I could really rely on when it came to loyalty of choosing between me and Jax. No one who would stand in the way of me being with my children or keeping them together as a family.
Had Donna faced the same road blocks when she tried to protect her family? Did she feel like she was all alone in this world? "I bet you did. I wish we would have gotten to know each other better. It could have saved us both a lot of heartache from his shitty world." But then again, would I have believed her then. Most wouldn't if I told them my story.
There was no time like the present. If she could do it, so could I. It went against what I had believed before. Many things I had done recently had gone against it.
In the front pew, I set. The quiet consumed me. There was no one here except me and him. "Forgive me for everything I have done. For what I still have to do."
"God forgives everyone." The preacher had slipped in without me noticing him. He set down and stared at the large cross in the front of his church. "How are you, Tara?"
"I'm okay I guess."
"You don't sound to convinced of it."
"I am not convinced of anything, anymore in this life. When I think I'm on the right track. Then I get just as lost again."
"Is Ellie lost too?" He seemed concerned about her. She needed more people in her life like that.
"Actually, no. She has become stronger in the mix of all this."
"So, have you, Tara. Maybe you just don't see it as clearly as I do. The biggest weakness we have, is what we will find our strength from."
"Maybe my little light is my strength. It's because of Ellie, I think it is even possible he exists. The devil, I'm sure exist here on earth. I'm just not sure how to conquer his evil." Donna and I pondered a lot on how to get rid of the evil from our families lives. But neither one of us came up with the right answer yet.
"He was cast out of heaven for his desire to be God instead of serve God. The devil and his followers are the ones who brings evil and temptation to the surface. The ones who lead humanity astray. They are the ones who do his work here on earth."
I found myself lost in my own club. I trusted few, feared most. Nomad offered escape and exhile. I didn't know if leaving would cure or kill this thing we created. I didn't know if it was an act of courage or cowardice. I didn't know so, I stayed.
"John Teller didn't know either."
If the light had lit the path any brighter, it would have blinded me with it. It was why Donna couldn't conquer the evil, she loved the evil one. She didn't know if it would cure or kill it, so, she stayed. Therefore, she feed the evil her goodness it needed to survive and grow just like all the others. "It cast the web on her, captured her and devoured her. She couldn't escape it, the evil entangled her. The crow brought her back because her soul couldn't rest until it is satisfied by the light."
"What?"
"Nothing. What do I need to do so my children can be baptized?"
"Bring them Sunday morning. We will do it at the end of service."
"Thank you for everything."
The outside winds felt good to my hot, sweaty skin. The sun cast the familiar warmth on my face. The smell of a heavenly scent filled the air. The birds chirped a beautiful song they had sung a million times.
"I get it. I finally understand." The four crows set quietly on the fence post behind the church. They let the other birds make the noise for them. Beautiful bell shaped flowers grew wild in the fence lines. They were the reversal of the purple flower. With blue and white patches on them. Symbolic of sincerity and asking the recipient for forgiveness of their sins when given to them. I picked three, then I picked even more of them. I would need a field full for what I was about to do.
"It's time." They gathered themselves up from the post in unison. Flew one after the other to their next destination. I had to head off to mine as well.
"Excuse me, do you have any of these flowers, the same colors?"
They didn't carry them with the strange blue and white pattern. I had to settle for a couple plants of each color combination. "I need a shovel too."
This was a promise I made and would keep. Juice was the only one at the cabin when I arrived. "Do you want some help?"
"That would be great. Thank you, Juice."
We chose a spot near the tree. Not directly where Bobby was but he could still see them sway in the gentle breeze. The fragrances of them in the summer time would still reach him.
"Bobby would have liked these." Juice made idle chatter while he dug the holes to bury the large pots of flowers in.
As I covered them over with the unsettled earth. "Please forgive me as you sacrificed yourself for me. I hope you were forgiven for all your sins. Rest in peace Bobby."
Juice and I went inside to get washed up. He acted lonely as he invited me to stay and have a drink with him. "I can't I need to get back to the kids. Maybe next time."
"Yeah, maybe next time."
"Juice, is something wrong?"
"I've been thinking a lot about Bobby lately. I come out here to see him all the time. The others don't know. I would appreciate it, if you didn't tell them."
"I won't tell. I'll have a cup of tea with you before I go."
Juice had the gentle soul, soft spoken words and a big heart. He didn't fit in most of the time with the other club members or with the bad things they done. I boiled some water in the tea kettle. We waited at the kitchen table for it to finish. Talked about nothing in general really. I understood the need to have someone around who didn't judge you and you could trust.
"I'll follow you back, if you don't mind."
"I'd like that, Juice."
To expect peace from the chaos was more than I should have when we returned. When we got back to the clubhouse, yelling was coming from the inside.
"Tara, I need to tell you something. Jax will be pissed off but I still need to tell you."
"What is it?"
"Juicy, come in here." Chibs called him from the clubhouse door and Juices' demeanor instantly changed back to SAMCRO.
"Never mind."
Maybe I wasn't the only one who was holding on to secrets around here. The agenda seemed to run both ways. We would each do what was needed to survive at this point. Including the fight taking place inside.
"You cocky little son of a bitch. Walk in here like you own my club. I don't give a shit who you say your daddy is. If you are in fact Thomas. Or is this the bullshit Kyle told you to say."
"Make no mistake, Jax. I am just as dangers as I am cocky. The rules of the club are very interesting. Being the blood of John Teller, I am automatically accepted as a member. I will fuck your world as you know it. Every second of the day I will be in your face, challenging you every step of the way. Until eventually, I'll take the gavel from you when you can't lead the club anymore because they will stop believing in you."
"That shit will happen over your dead body." Jax just thought that approach would work on Thomas. But, I had a strong feeling it wouldn't. He didn't disappoint me either.
"Threats mean nothing to me. Do the right thing. Or Kyle and I will take your club. Our mommy says so."
The clock was ticking on Gemma's expiration date and she didn't even realize it. It was only a matter of time before I couldn't protect her any longer. But the evil look on her face and the cold way her eyes stared in her son's. She wouldn't go down without a fight. Just like I wouldn't either.
"I told you, Jackson. You should remember who I really am. I will not allow you to destroy it all. One of John's sons will set at the head of the table. The way it should be."
Thomas put his arm around Gemma. They stood together untied as they went to leave. "Come on Mommy Dearest. We got shit to do."
Gemma held out her other arm for Kyle to join them. Him being back in Charming was going to end badly, the crows warned us. He gave me a smile as he went out the door. "Screw the rules, damn the consequences and just love. Love until it kills you, because there's nothing better worth dying for. Leaving the person, I love behind in danger and continuing to live on is the same as already being dead, girl."
The cold reality was we all had shit to do. This was just the beginning.
I hope you enjoyed reading me!
After two parts of Shifting Sands are posted. The remainder of the story will be at once, about 5-7 chapters. An extremely long read ahead. I will miss the characters and writing it but, it's time for the story to be complete and finally put to rest.
King Author just happens to be in Hamlet and he was tied to Odin, Frigg and Morrigan. Along with many other kings, queens, gods and goddess.
Thank you all, you made this fun and exciting for me because you stayed with the story!