Chapter 35,
Part 2 of 3
Shifting Sands~ A situation that changes very often in an unmanageable way. The unexpected continues to happen. Until the crows rest and weep no more.
While I set in my babies' room with nothing but the dark silence to surround me. As Abel and Kenny slept, I rocked a drowsy Thomas. I couldn't help but to feel I was betraying them to some degree if we left Charming. I was in the position of stuck between a wife and a mother. Also, in the position to tear their little lives apart as they knew them to be. No matter which decision I made, I would hurt someone.
After Thomas fell asleep in my arms, I laid him down in his bed. Wandered in to the living room aimlessly without a sense of direction and seen my other child in a blissful sleep for once. Ellie seemed more secure, calmer and settled now. With the assurance she was my daughter for the better or worse of what came along with it.
With a kiss on her forehead, I covered her up as it was chilly in the house. My hand brushed the hair out of her eyes. "I'll never leave you behind, baby girl. That's a promise."
A restful sleep just wasn't in the cards for me tonight. I had some thoughts that were jumbled up in my mind. I had to put the words in a manageable order to make sense of them all. I got my laptop out and poured my heart out to it. I knew I could trust it not to judge me or tell anyone the secrets I bare. Or try to stop me from the tasks I had to do. It didn't minimize the reality I would face very soon from it either, even when I tried to convince myself.
Since I have no one who I can share my honest feelings, my fears and my secrets with. I come here today, to help you understand the choices I made. As your mother, you come before all else with me. Just know, no matter what happens to me. I did it for you, my children, to have a better life.
I've been stuck somewhere between; who I am, who I want to be and who I should be. Torn myself apart in the process of it all. You can't follow your heart, when it's more confused than your head is.
If your grandfather, John Teller, had succeeded on his plans. You would have a more safe and secure environment to be raised in. There probably wouldn't even be a reason for me to write this. But since he didn't, I hope some day you will understand why I did what I had to do to stop the cycle from reaching you. You are my sons and my daughter, my life and my sunshine.
For another hour I continued on to tell them what I felt they needed to know and things I wasn't proud of I'd done. There were things I might never be able to tell them. Some of what I wrote, they wouldn't understand until they got older. Some of it, they may never understand completely. Because if things went to plan, it would never be a worry or burden to them. My babies would not end up like their fathers. They had suffered under the weight of it their entire lives as children and members of the club. Opie's pain on earth had ended in tragedy and Jax's life was a tragedy still in the making.
When I shut the screen down finally on the laptop. My hands massaged the back of my neck. The stress took its toll on me. I'd played a dangerous game in the past, I didn't realize at the time. Now, I had a deadly game to finish.
One more time I went over everything in mind. A mental check list only I knew about. If I got my children out safely, it would all be worth it. I would stand alone and face the consequences as they came. Just like I had through most of my life.
By the time the sun barley peeked through the night, I was still wide awake. I set in the same rocking chair and only had dozed off a couple of times. But every time I opened my eyes, there was my son before me. So sweet, so innocent. I covered up all my babies before I started the coffee.
When I poured a cup, I heard the front door open. I waited to see if Jax came in the kitchen or went straight to bed. I didn't ask what kept him out all night. The fewer words spoke between us, the better at this point.
"Want some coffee?"
"Yeah, thanks."
We avoided eye contact with each other while we set in silence. I wasn't certain if it was for the same reasons or not. When I heard Thomas stir, I got his bottle ready. It gave me the best excuse to exist the room without an explanation. It's what I felt it came down to; nothing but an empty explanation or promise made between us.
Once he finished about half of it, his eyes were heavy. After I changed his diaper and laid him back down. So I could get ready. Then I heard our bedroom door shut down the hallway. I used the bathroom to change my clothes and comb my hair.
For the first time, I didn't like the person much who stared back at me in the mirror. The face reflected what the world seen without speaking the confession secrets of the heart. If you could make peace with the mirror, your image changed quickly. Even to yourself. I became all the things I never wanted to become. Some day, I would correct those wrongs.
Today, wasn't the time to analyze my life or the path I'd chosen. It was to set in motion my children's path. That's exactly what I was going to do too.
When I got them ready, I made a stop at the clubhouse. To everyone else, it was another routine day. To me, it was the beginning of the end.
"Are you okay, Doc?" Wayne seemed to see through the facade. Not just mine either, most of the bullshit from everyone.
"I'm fine. I appreciate you watching the kids until Gemma gets here."
"I don't mind, I really don't got anything else to do. But, Gemma won't be here."
"What?"
"Jax don't want her here anymore." Wayne spoke the same shit I heard since Jax took over the club. I just smiled and went on my way.
"I'd like to see Jax stop Gemma." As soon as I pulled out of the parking lot, I seen it. It flew so high. The wings were spread wide and it was beautiful while it was in flight. So perfect, so free. If I needed an omen to know I was going in the right direction, the white faced crow gave it to me.
This would give me a chance to cross off another thing from the list. It was my least favorite one. But, I had to let them know how I felt.
The walk up the long hill, my stomach done flip flops inside. With the bright sun, my forehead had beads of sweat already. A couple of times I thought I couldn't make it without a stop to catch my breath. It wasn't any easier when I brushed the dust off his name on the tombstone.
"I'm sorry I wasn't there when you passed away. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you for anything. Mostly, I blamed you for how my life turned out and it wasn't your fault. You could have bailed on me too but you didn't. You stayed and saw it through. I know now, what it takes to do that. I love you, Dad. I hope you can forgive me."
The saint statue set on top of his tombstone. I ripped it off the dash of his old Cutlass before I got rid of the car. He must have believed in it or it gave him comfort in some way. It was there to have someone to watch over him, since I failed to do so when he was still alive. The shame I felt was only out weighed by the guilt from not being there for him. The prayer I said, was someday he might get past the fact his daughter didn't even love him enough to come home to see him. When he was so sick and needed me the most. Get past the fact I abandoned the only true family I had left. See past the pain and sorrow I inflicted on him without mercy.
A good cry was what I had with him. I shed enough tears for the both of us. I didn't want to leave, there was probably a thousand more thing I should say to him. But, I had to go and get back to my babies.
"What are you doing here?" I wasn't expecting to run into Gemma, in all places no less. She had a large bunch of white lilies gathered together with a long yellow ribbon around them. Since, I didn't answer her, she shifted the flowers around waiting.
After I wiped my face off, I still wasn't going to answer this question or any others she might have in future. So, I asked her the same. "What are you doing here?"
"I came to put flowers on John. Noticed you were in front of your father's grave. I'm going to give you a good piece of advise, sweetheart. Nothing good can come out of living in old history. There is no worse crime, than taking a child away from their mother. But, I won't let John or anyone else dictate or ruin my life. It's a choice we all make of how we handle wrongs against us."
"If you could do it all over, would you do it the same way again?"
"Yeah I would, this is the life I have. I don't fantasize about a fairy tale that don't exist. If I hadn't went through hell with John and Clay, I wouldn't have Nero today. By doing so, I know what a good man he truly is."
Gemma made sense. Or maybe she never looked outside of the life she led to see there was another world out there. At least she found some happiness now. I guess, it was what really counted. Although, there was still one secret the queen wasn't privy to.
John just didn't hide their son away from the guilt he felt. As she thought he done. He fully intended to divorce her and take Jax away from all of this. How differently Jax's life and my sons' lives would have turned out if John Teller had succeeded on all his plans.
SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA
With a whiff of the bouquet, the wild flowers reminded me instantly of Bobby. This would probably be the last time I got to put flowers on him. For some reason, I had to tell him goodbye. Only, he already had another visitor.
"Juice." I said his name a couple more times. He just continued to rock in a trans on the ground. I didn't believe he even knew I was here with him. Roughly I claps my hands on his shoulders and shook him. "Juice."
It took a couple of minutes for him to get it together enough to speak. His eyes were full of tears but empty in life. "Yeah." After he squeaked it out, I let go of him. I searched his face to see signs if he was high and on a bad trip. But he wasn't.
"Are you okay?"
"No."
"Let's get you inside." Juice leaned on me as I had leaned on others in my time of need. He needed to rest and have time to heal from what whatever he hurt from. When I opened the bedroom door, he was falling. I couldn't hold his body weight up. My arms went around him to help him slide down the wall to the floor.
"Jax made me do it. He made me, I swear I didn't want to."
"What did Jax make you do?" Juice was broken from what was done. When I asked him, I did want to know. I was scared as hell of the answer he would give me. Yet, I still had to know. "Juice, what did he have you do?"
"I killed her, I smothered her. I tried to look away and pretend it was a bad guy I was doing it to. Only I can't pretend anymore. When I close my eyes, I see her face. I just want to die to put an end to it."
"Who was it?"
"Just let me die. I'm a lost cause." Juice laid his head down on the floor. He was clam, way to clam at this point. His desire to die out weighed his desire to live. I couldn't stop it if it was the path he took eventually. But, I could stop it today.
"Shit." My cell rang. If I answered it, I would have to lie. If I didn't answer it, he would come to search for me eventually. It got harder every day to pretend everything was fine, this life was normal. Although, I done the best I could. "Hello."
"Where are you and kids? I just got home, you usually leave a note."
"I am putting stuff in storage. I got a few more boxes together for donations. I would like Juice to help me this afternoon, if that's okay with you?"
"Yeah, that's fine. I gotta go to Stockton, then I'll be back. Love you."
"Me too."
The conversation couldn't end quickly enough with Jax for me. I closed my phone then opened it again. I needed help with Juice. "Hey, are you busy?"
While we waited for them to get here. I got Juice up. This wasn't the room for him to be in. Nor probably the place to keep him at. I got him a glass of water. He took a couple of swallows then set it down on the coffee table.
As the cabin door opened. Juice was on his feet with a gun drawn. He was a wounded, crushed animal. "Relax, he is here to help not hurt you. I give you my word, Juice. I won't say anything to Jax about this." He seemed reluctant at first. I put my hand on his arm that extend out with the gun. "I've been where you are. You have to trust someone or you won't ever survive it. You can trust me." He lowered the gun down. Plopped on the couch as he pulled the hood of his sweatshirt up over his head. Maybe to hide his face or maybe to hide his shame.
"What the hell is going on?"
Kyle deserved an answer because I needed him to help a club member out. More so, I needed to help Juice. To know I did the right thing for him. We went into the kitchen so we could talk.
"Juice wants to die. If the club finds out Juice is suicidal or told me even. I think you know what they will do to him. I don't know all the details of it or who she was. Jax had him kill a woman." As those words escaped my lips. The last sentence burned in to my heart, like a scar that couldn't ever heal.
"Jesus Christ. I don't think there is a line Jax won't cross."
Kyle agreed to do it. He would take Juice somewhere safe from Charming for a day or two. I'd cover his alibi with the club and Jax. Was it right for me lie? Probably not. Was it right for me to turn Juice over to the club for a slaughter? Probably not.
The more time passed by; it got harder to tell the sinners from the saints. Those who wanted redemption divided by the death they caused. You couldn't distinguish the angels from the outlaws anymore. Sometimes, they seemed like one and the same.
By the evening, they knew Juice wasn't around. Jax came to me looking for him. "Where's Juice at? Didn't he help you today?"
"Yes, he did. He talked about some girl. I think he went to hookup with her tonight." Jax shrugged off what I said. It was their normal to disappear for the sake of pussy. Even though I lied to him. In my heart, I knew it was the right thing to do. But was it really okay? Probably not. Was it okay when Jax lied to me or didn't come home at night? Probably not.
Tomorrow, I would pick Juice up from Kyle's house out of town. I made sure I deleted my call logs to Kyle and the text he sent me on where he took Juice to. It was a safety precaution, or that's what I told myself at least.
Even though, some of it was the guilt I felt married to one man and being with another. Was it alright to sleep with Kyle even though Jax had many different women? Probably not. Would it change the course my marriage was on? Probably not. Would it change the invariable path to the end of it? Probably not.
It had finally sunk in what Gemma meant by bury that shit down deep and go forward with your life. Only, I couldn't do it or not well like her anyway. The proof was when I knocked on Kyle's door and a busty blonde only in a pair of panties answered it.
"Hi." She had no modesty as she stood before me with her hand on her hip. "Do you want to come in?"
"I'll come back later."
"It's time to make big daddy, a happy daddy." He obviously didn't know I was here either. "Oh, hey, honey." Thomas wore his black cowboy hat cocked on one side of his head. All I could say, was it matched his black cowboy boots. Which was all he had on. He lowered his hat down to cover his privates. It hung there as though he put it on nail. "Did you come to see Kyle? I think he is still asleep."
"I'll come back later." Part of me was afraid I'd interrupt something I didn't want to see. The other part of me, knew I had no right to be upset if I had.
"Tara." He appeared as almost on cue. He had a way of doing that in my life when I needed him the most.
"Tell Juice I'm here, Kyle." This gave him an out. I would wait outside for Juice. He didn't owe me an explanation for anything. Nor would I make him feel like he did either.
"He's out back on the deck. I just made coffee. Do you want a cup?"
"I don't want to bother you and your guests."
"You are never a bother. I don't have a guest, Thomas does." Kyle grabbed Thomas roughly by the arm before he went back inside. "Why did you bring her here instead of taking her to your house?"
"Well, I didn't want that crazy bitch to know where I live."
"So, you brought her here instead. Perfect." Kyle didn't seem happy about the current situation. From the argument they had. I gathered they took Juice out last night. When Thomas got involved, it went to a full drinking binge. He picked up someone from the bar. Came back here after Juice and Kyle passed out.
"Well, I don't know why you are so surprised by this type of behavior. I've seen me do it before, Kyle." Thomas tapped the toe of his boot when he said it. Almost, as though he enticed a reply.
"Get rid of her, now." Thomas put his hat back on his head. Gave me a shot of something I really didn't want to see when he removed it from his dick that stood at a full attention. But Kyle wasn't done with him yet. "And cover your shit up. I mean it Thomas, get rid of her."
"I'm on it." Thomas twisted his bare ass inside. The more time I spent around him. He was definitely his mother's son. "Hey honey, what did you say your name is again?"
She didn't take that well at all he didn't remember it. "You told me last night, you love me. You asked me to move in with you."
"Well, when I'm drinking, I love all women. You're not the first to tell me this either. Just in case you haven't gathered yet, I didn't mean it. But, seriously, what is your name?"
With a slap to Thomas' face. She scrambled to find her clothes after the night of them playing ride the wild pony game. She smacked his face again on her way out. "Asshole."
To no surprise it didn't phase Thomas a bit. Once the door slammed shut. He put his hands on his hips. "So kids, what's for breakfast? I'm starved." Kyle just rolled his eyes and went to the kitchen. I followed after him and got a giggle from Thomas. At least, that Teller brother wasn't my problem to deal with.
"Here, girl." He had already put sugar in my coffee for me.
"Thanks."
"Just so we are clear. I haven't been with anyone since I was with you."
"I didn't ask." I sipped my coffee. Found a chair at the table and set down. I let the conversation go. But, Kyle didn't.
"But, you wanted to. Like I want to ask if you still sleep with Jax. Only, I don't want an answer. I have no right to be upset with you for being with your husband. Even though, I am. That's what happens when you're in love with someone."
"Kyle. I..."
"I said, I don't want an answer. I need to take a shower and get dressed. I'll be back in a minute."
Thomas was leaned on the doorway. I hadn't noticed he was listening to our conversation. At least he had a pair of boxers on now. "Hell, I'll ask. Is Jax not ringing your bell lately? Not making mama happy in the sack?"
"Thomas, shut up." Kyle shouted it from his room.
"Okay." He poured a cup of coffee for himself and set down with me. "So, Kyle is a little touchy this morning. I've told him he needs to get laid more often. It would do his disposition a world of good. Know anybody that could maybe help him out with that?"
"Thomas, if you don't shut the fuck up. I'm coming in there." Kyle's tone was that of a parent disciplining their child.
"Okay, I'll behave." He took off outside with his coffee and a pack of smokes. I looked out the kitchen window. Juice was out on the deck. He and Thomas seemed to get along well. They were chatting away. Well, mostly Thomas done the talking part.
They invited us to lunch but we couldn't go. I needed to get Juice back to Charming, back to where he belonged. He didn't utter a single word on the long ride. Neither did I though. We both had things to overcome.
Before we got out of the car. There needed to be clarity between us. "I hope, I can count on you to not mention to Jax where you were taken or who you were with."
"I won't." It was the only thing Juice said before he got out. It was a toss up if he would cave under the pressure of Jax and tell him the truth.
Once you've distanced yourself from a situation, you got a clearer and more vivid picture of it. Juice returned to his home, his family. Maybe they couldn't tell he was faking it but, I sure could. He fell back in place with them as though the life he lived was perfect. Not a care in the world. Even though, his world was crushing the life out of him.
When my babies came out to greet me, I focused on them. We had a quick lunch then went outside. It was great to watch them play together. Ellie, just hung out with them. She was too old to play anymore. But, she was still there.
They eventually got up a hot game of hide and go seek and got her involved. Even me and Thomas got in the action. We hid just inside the garage door so I could keep an eye on them. It made me smile when I heard Abel. "1. 2. 3. 12...here I come."
Both Kenny and Ellie got back to the slide, they touched home base before Abel could tag them. We made a break for it across the lot. Thomas was giggling the entire way. Just before I stepped inside the playground, Abel caught up to us.
"You're it, Mommy."
All the fun we had was short lived. Shit got serious, pretty damn quickly. The good time was defiantly over. But then again, they always had a bad ending.
"What's going on?" Tig was the only one who stayed behind at the picnic table. The rest of the club went to meet Gemma, Thomas and Kyle.
"I don't know." He eventually made his way over to the crises circle.
"Will you take the boys inside?" Ellie was such a good girl. She was always a big help to me.
"I can handle it. I don't need your help." Jax insisted upon it to Thomas.
"The fuck you can. They will roll up in here and kill everyone in sight. You need to stop this shit now. The Cartel is not playing around."
"The Cartel is here?" It was a statement and a question. I wasn't even certain anyone heard me. Or cared about what I said. No one had mentioned any of it to me.
"They're not here." Jax responded to me. The others just looked at each other.
"They will be. It's only a matter of time." Jax glanced over his shoulder at me with the revelation I just learned from Thomas.
They were all arguing. I had more important things to focus on. Like how to get the fuck out of here, now.
"The vote has to be unanimous for you not to ride with us. You won't get a single yes vote. My guys won't ever let you be a part of this club. But, let's do it. We'll take a vote right here, then you go the fuck away." Jax smirked on the last part. Lit up a smoke and let out a long exhale.
The only reason it came to this was simple, Gemma. She recited word for word from their bi-laws of what had to happen to stop Thomas and Kyle from becoming a part of it. In some aspects, they would be better off if they never were associated with the club.
Each one of the sons spoke out, gave their vote. It was hell no they couldn't ride with them. All except for one. "Juice?" Jax said his name a couple of times too.
"Let him ride."
Jax was more than pissed off because Juice gave the vote that allowed Thomas to infiltrated the club. It was a vote of defiance and a stand against Jax. Not only that, but it was a clear act of betrayal to their king. Juice would no doubt pay the price for it later on. But then again, he paid the price for it the day he followed Jax's order of kill the woman.
"Fine, you can ride. But, not him." Jax spat the words out because now. The club had spoken and he no longer has a say in it. Only he still insisted, Kyle couldn't be a part of it.
Kyle completely ignored Jax. He went to the garage to pick out a bike with Thomas. "If you ride today, you won't be alive tomorrow to regret it." The other members stood behind Jax. They let him have his say to Kyle.
"Then so be it, Jax. This will end the way it's supposed to. You can't run from it any longer and I won't. It's your club or your family because I'm not going anywhere. Nor will I let you get them killed in the crossfire of this shit."
Thomas was in the middle of the brothers once again. "You don't threaten Kyle anymore. You got a problem, take it up with me. You won't bully me or mow me over. We won't be stopped from being in the club, our mommy said so."
Slowly, I walked away from it all. I didn't know how they ended up settling it. Maybe, I didn't really want to know. I stood by Gemma as the bikes pulled out to follow after Jax.
"Jackson is losing control. Just like Clay did. The animal Clay became, is what my son will become. It's time for new blood at the head of the table. The gavel belongs to Thomas or Kyle now. I will see to it they get it."
Gemma was blinded by Thomas' return. Very delusional to the situation that existed around her. If she really thought Thomas or Kyle would continue the club on, she was crazy. But then again, she always really had been.
Gemma took her gun out of her purse. Opened the cylinder to check the bullets then flung it shut. Shoved it back in her purse and went towards her car.
"Where are you going?"
"To protect my baby." Again, very delusional if she thought she could. But I understood where Gemma was actually coming from this go around. You would do anything to protect your babies.
"Wait for me." This would be the last adventure Gemma and I would go on together. One last time, one last ride. She had taught me a lot about this life. But it was time for me to leave that shit behind and go in a different direction now.
We had no idea where we were going. We just followed after the trail of bikes. It was the crumb trail that lead us to the Cartel, they could kill us all with ease. They would feel no remorse for what they did to the women or children related to the club either.
It had started off badly. They were already at it when we pulled it. "What the fuck are you doing here? Go home." Jax was not happy to see us tag along.
"Here." Thomas pulled out a gun and handed it to Gemma. "You know what to do with it."
A smirk crossed Gemma's face. "I've got my own."
"That's my mommy."
Jax was so full of hate while he watched Thomas and Gemma together. It was probably ripping Jax apart on the inside. Even though he would never admit it. For the first time, he wasn't her golden child, her favorite. She didn't hold him in the same light anymore and viewed him in a different way.
"We're just gonna talk to them. Send them a message, that's all."
Those were empty words when we went inside. They knew who we were and why we were here. "We will put our guns down, when you do. We just wanna talk." Jax actually tried to handle it in a civil and calm manner. But, that went out the window quickly. When the guy spit in his face.
"Fine, we'll do this shit your way." Jax related with a head but across the bridge of the guy's nose. The fight was on with all of them.
There were a lot firsts that happened today. A muscle bound took Jax on. The way he fought was not the normal street fight the Sons were used to. He used his feet a lot. Just as he had Jax down on the ground, his brother stepped in.
"Jax." Thomas went to his rescue. He caught the guy's leg in mid air. Squared off in a fight stance with the guy in front of Jax.
Juice must have been worn out from what he'd experienced. His solution was to just blow the guy away.
"That works for me." Thomas stepped over the dead body on the floor and it didn't phase him either as he went on the fight the next one.
When the fight was over, there was a lot of bodies laying on the floor. Jax took a wad of cash out of his pocket and was talking to the bartender outside. He either paid him off or threatened him to keep his mouth shut. Maybe, he even done both.
Thomas made himself at home behind the bar. A bottle of whiskey in his hand, he pulled the cork out with his teeth. Took a long swig from it. He started at the end of the long wooden bar, he poured it out until it was empty. The glass shattered when it hit the wooden floor. He picked up another bottle and did the same routine, then threw it down when it was all gone. "Don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys..." He didn't stop either until he made his way around the room.
"Thomas, don't you do it."
Thomas looked across the bar at Jax when he came back in through the door. He took Jax's words of warning with a smile on his face. Tapped his pack of smokes and put one between his lips. Struck a match to light it up. Locked eyes on Jax once again, then tossed the match on the puddle of liquor.
"Get out."
It caused a chain reaction. Of smoke, fire and chaos among us. From the safe spot we stood, we waited. But, nothing happened other than a small fire inside. Until, the explosion came with shattered glass and the debris flew through the air. It was Tig who covered Gemma and I where it threw us on the ground.
"Well, I think they got the message, Jax." Everyone looked for Jax's reaction to what Thomas had said. Another explosion to come sooner or later.
"We need to get the hell outta here." The sirens were already in progress. The fire department and cops were on their way. "I'll deal with you later." Jax said it in passing to Thomas as we all scattered.
"I'll be around little brother and you know where to find me. I don't want you to bother thanking me for saving your ass back there either." Thomas only laughed as Jax flipped him off on his way out of the parking lot.
Gemma followed after her baby. I wasn't surprised she chose to go in his direction and not the others. She had never been a follower but, for Thomas, she made the exception.
When his bike pulled off the highway, so did we. Kyle waved and went on his way to somewhere else. Thomas calmly went inside the small diner as though nothing had happened at all. He was starving. Me, my hands still shook at what I'd witnessed.
Which, wasn't all that clean when we set down at a corner booth. I took a napkin and wiped off the table. Gemma excused herself for a bathroom break.
"I read John's book. You'll probably not understand this, in some ways I feel like I am meant to be here. To finish what he started. I came home again. Later, I need to get with you and Kyle. I found the final piece of the puzzle in his book. Now, I know why John came back to make this right." Thomas continued on until Gemma came back to the table. It weighed upon him greatly. I didn't get a chance to ask him about it. But, I would later when she wasn't around.
"Where did you learn to fight like that, baby?" Mama Gemma was still intrigued by all aspects of her baby.
"I was stationed in China. They told us it wasn't safe to go out at night to walk the streets alone. I did it anyway. This bunch of young teenagers surrounded this old man and demanded his money. He was so frail, he looked like he was barely able to hold his body up. Let alone fight them off. So, I took it up. They whipped my ass. The old man took them out, one by one. He was so smooth with his movements and only made a few."
"What can I get for you?" The waitress interrupted his story. They ordered food, I only wanted coffee. My stomach was too upset to eat.
It didn't take Thomas long to continue on when she left the table to get our drinks. "For days I begged the old man to teach me. I followed after him around town for weeks. He always said no. Until one day he asked me; why do you want to learn? He didn't like my answer; I don't want to get my ass whipped again. He basically said a warrior is someone who fights for others, not for themselves. The old man died before I left China. It stuck with me though. He's right, that's how I learned to fight."
Thomas made a come back from a ill, weak child. To be a great warrior among men. Between the three brothers, he was the weakest who became the greatest warrior of them all. Jax only fought for what he wanted and what he had to do to protect the club. With Kyle, you had to push him past his breaking point to get him to fight.
My cell rang and I almost didn't answer it. When I did, I wished I hadn't. "You have to give it to them, I understand. I'll be there."
Gemma drove like the mad women she was. It was my children, her grand children on the line. She wanted to come up with me. Her type help wasn't what I needed at the moment.
This was one time, I didn't bother to knock on her door first. The agent leaned on her desk with my son's medical file in his hand. "Mrs. Teller."
"What do you want?"
The same ATF agents who had questioned me a few times. They served Margret with a warrant. To get access to my son's medical records.
"You wouldn't happen to know about a trip the Sons of Anarchy made to Mexico, would you?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about."
"Of course you don't. You gave your son, Abel Teller, medical treatment. Just about the same time the trip was made."
"I'm a doctor, it's what I do."
For every one of his questions, smart ass comments he made. I have a brief and hopefully not an incriminating response. Until the last one. "We know the Sons went to Mexico and we know they blew a Cartel king pin. Here is what I believe happened. They took your son across the boarder on a drug deal that went bad. Which, is how he contracted the so called food poisoning. Then you covered it up. Not only will you loose your license. It is a felony, punishable by a jail sentence." He tossed the file on the desk. He stopped at the door before he made his exist. "We will be in contact soon, Mrs. Teller."
The hell they would be in contact with me. I'd be gone before this progressed to my children. They would use my babies against me. They would use my love for them to take them away.
Gemma took me back to the clubhouse. Then I went and found the one who caused all this shit. Although, I already knew how he would approach it before he even spoke.
"It's just smoke, a scare tactic. They can't prove shit."
"They are not bluffing, Jax. They know everything. We can loose our children because of it."
"Who told you that shit? They can't..."
It didn't take me long to cut Jax off. It was the same crap he always gave me. Then I told him the cold, hard, shitty fact as they were. "Lowen told me. She also said, I can get some serious time for faking documents on the boys health records. Plus be fined, plus loose my license, plus a bunch of other criminal infraction."
"I won't let that happen. We will get through this." Jax was still a convincing man. Only, I could no longer fool myself to believe him. There was no way in hell things would ever get better.
"Please, just stop lying to me, Jax. You can't do anything about it or stop it from happening. I did it because I love our children and I would do it again if I had to. It was to cover up what you fucked up, then you just walked away from it. Just like you always do; left your family to deal with the aftermath of it. Now, none of us are protected from it. What do you think will happen to our boys if I go to jail?"
"I will do what I gotta do to keep my family safe. I will protect you and the boys. I promise, nothing will happen to you or my sons." That was the exact promise I had heard from him repeatably. Only, this time, I couldn't fool myself to believe he would keep it.
"Who in the hell is going to protect them and save them from you, Jax?" It was a rhetorical question, it wasn't meant for him to answer it. Not that he actually could give a rational one anyway. His hand came up to his mouth and brushed downward through his beard. Total silence fell over the room when he lit up a smoke.
When a knock on the door came. I knew it was time for Jax to make his exit with the club as his excuse. It was a sad day when you could map it out and it never changed. Nor would it. Only, I would not fool myself in to a fairy tale world that would not ever exist with us. Where his family was more important to him than the club.
"Jackie, it's time to go." Chibs sensed it was tense between us. He quickly turned around and left.
"I gotta go, club business. We'll talk about it tonight."
"No, we won't ever talk about it again until I bring it up. Or it becomes such a problem you have no other choice but to face it. You lost control over things just like John and Clay did." Jax just shook his head. But didn't rebut what I said was a fact.
John wanted this club dismantled. Torn apart to exist no more. Kill off the evil that grows within it before it couldn't be contained any longer. Put an end to cycle, break it before it killed us all. Just to start all over again with the blood of our sons. If John Teller had succeeded on his plans, what a different kind of life Jax and I would of had together.
SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA
A cup of coffee in one hand and a list in my other. I waited for the kids to wake up this morning. I was down to only few more thing to accomplish. From what I learned yesterday, my exit strategy just got sped up. In a couple of days, this place would be just a distant memory.
With the cartel in the area and on the prowl for retaliation, I wanted the boys out of Charming. Once the blood started to spill, it wouldn't end until we were all dead. Jax suggested we stay at the clubhouse and a prospect be with us at all times. I said okay but I wasn't going along with it. If that happened, I would never make it out of here with my babies.
The biggest thing on my list to still complete. I would figure out what I had to do on it. With the number dialed, they finally picked up on the other end. "Hi, I need to see if you have an appointment available. For Abel Teller."
It would be another two days before Abel could see his doctor. Get a prescription for his heart condition. At this point it was just a precaution. But a chance I wouldn't take with the health of my son. This set things back by a day. But it was still accelerated sooner than I had planned to get the hell out of here.
When I glanced out the kitchen window. Two young boys were riding their bikes on the sidewalk. It made me smile to think of mine doing the same when they got older. Side by side, my sons in a happy childhood.
"Mommy, I'm hungry." I felt little hands on my arm. Abel rested his head on my shoulder.
"Okay, baby."
The only one not up yet was Thomas. Ellie brought her book to the table. Kenny had his game boy, he pushed the buttons so fast. If you blinked, you missed it.
"How about chocolate chip pancakes?"
While I mixed the batter up, Thomas was in high chair with toys all around him. The chips were added in the pan to make a smiley face on each one. When I had enough done we sat down as a family to eat.
They were happy this morning. There was no reason for them to not be. As I watched them, a few tears escaped me. I tried to wipe them away so they didn't notice. We all needed something happy to focus on. "After we eat, we are going to buy birthday presents for Lucius."
"Can George go to the birthday party too?"
"I don't see why not."
Abel did better when George was involved or went along with us. If that damn dog brought him some comfort, then I would always bring him when I could.
They each picked out something to give Lucius. It was one time they didn't mind to shop. I wrapped up the presents quickly when we got home. So we wouldn't be late. I grabbed them and kids so we could go to Grandma's house. Abel had the leash already on George and was waiting by the door to leave.
Which Abel couldn't wait to show everyone his dog. Grandma was great about playing along too. She held on to his paw. "Hello, George. You've gotten big. I bet you'd like to meet the birthday boy."
The one thing you could always count on, Gemma went all out on parties. Green and yellow balloons led the way up the stairs. In the center of the dinning room table was a giant green dinosaur pinata. With tons more balloons strung around the house.
She set a place for each child with more dinosaur themed cups and plates. A goodie bag was stuffed to the hilt.
We had to duck under the green and yellow streamers to get into the living room. Gemma and Abel took George to meet the birthday boy.
"Can he fetch?"
"Yep." Abel took out the red rubber ball he had in his jacket pocket. He thought for a minute, almost threw it. But then handed it to Lucius.
George retrieved it but when he went to Abel. My adorable son lead him over to the birthday boy. Lucius threw it again. This time George went back to him and gave him a quick lick on the cheek. They were all giggling and having fun.
"Lucius has never had a real party before." Nero was a little chocked up about it. "Gemma put all this together for him. She even hired a nurse to so we could take him away from there for a couple of hours."
"Our children are happy and together now. It's what's important."
"Yeah, it is mama."
Gemma wanted the kids to come to the table. They only had a short amount of time before Lucius had to return to the home. She put a party hat on each of the kids. They put one on George too. I couldn't resist, I had to take a picture of it. They all gathered around with smiling faces when I snapped it.
The giant cake with a bright green T-Rex on it was more than they could eat in a month. But I saw the way his little eyes light up while we sang happy birthday. Then he got to blowout the candles.
Gemma dished out a piece of cake as Lucius opened his presents. "Look Dad, it's dinosaur bones. Will you help me with it?" I bought him a science set, he got to dig out each bone from the sand. Brush it clean, then construct it.
"Of course I will. We will do it tomorrow."
"Thank you." Each present he opened, he gave a more enthusiastic response. When he came to Abel's present. I knew we made him a happy little boy. "Will you play catch with me? I can't run to go get it." My son insisted we buy him a glove and ball. More so, I think he just wanted someone to play with too.
Abel licked icing off his lips. But, he still had a little on his face. "That's okay, I can't throw it very far either. Can we play tomorrow, Mommy?"
"Sure. Maybe we will all go visit him tomorrow." It made all the kids happy.
By the string Gemma held up the pinata. It warmed all our hearts when Lucius wanted Abel to set on his lap and whack it with the baseball bat while he moved his wheel chair around. It was a sweet team effort.
Nero hung it from the ceiling and got the hell out of the way. Not that I blamed him. Abel was wild with the bat swings. Lucius grabbed a hold of it too when they were directly under it. It rained down candy.
They took their loot to the table to play. I noticed Gemma had slipped away to the kitchen. She was vigorously dialing someone.
"Did you get a hold of him?" Nero apparently knew who she was calling.
"No." She shut her phone when she seen me stand there. "We better get back to the party."
"Who does Nero keep calling?" He stood in the kitchen for another ten minutes straight.
At first Gemma wanted to pretend like she hadn't heard me. She glanced over her shoulder to see where the kids went to. They were out of ear shot in the living room. "Kyle. He said he would be here. We haven't heard from him since he went on the ride with the club. Have you talked to him lately?"
"I haven't heard from him either. What about Thomas, maybe he will know where Kyle is?"
"I talked to Thomas this morning. He hasn't seen Kyle since yesterday. Thomas went to search for him. It's why he's not here." After Gemma said that. Now, I was worried about Kyle too. I tried his cell four times.
It went straight to voice mail. So, I sent him a quick text to let us know he was alright. If he hadn't reached out to us by the time the party was over. I would go by his house on the way home to check on him. It would be a long drive to make with the kids but, he'd drive to hell and back for me.
While I had another cup of coffee, I must of checked my phone twenty times. But still got no response from him. I shifted around in my seat, nervous didn't begin to cover it. The strain on my body from it was felt deep in my stomach. Before I could run to the bathroom, I covered my mouth. It was all coming out; the fear of what I was doing and still had to do. The hidden secrets I kept from everyone, the emotions of it hit me hard. Even worse, the harsh consequences that were bound to come with it.
On my knees I recovered from it. The sweat poured from me. My emotions were all over the place and I couldn't get them under control. I crawled to sit up against the wall, I tried to get my breathing to slow down. After the rag was wet under the cold running water. I put it on my face. For it not to soothe anything. It was the noise I heard from the bathroom window that caught my attention. It was so familiar, so deafening. When I raised the shade up, I knew.
From the porch I watched them. They didn't travel the same path of a circle this time, they flew in a straight line, side by side. Made a quick turn then took the same pattern again. But when the crows landed on the branch of the tree in Gemma's front yard. Their heads dropped in unison, as they huddled together, I knew.
"No. The fourth crow." Through the door I went, I had to go find him. For only my fears to be confirmed.
Nero was obviously disturbed by his phone call he received. His dark skin seemed paled by comparison to normal. The breaths he took in were incredibly deep ones. He avoided eye contact with me by any possible means because he looked around me or up at the ceiling. "How am I gonna tell her that? Yeah, we'll be there. We're on our way."
Gemma noticed something wasn't right too. She wiped her wet hands on a dish towel. Then went to where Nero was still braced against the counter. "What's wrong, baby? Who was it?"
"It was Jax. We gotta get to Saint Thomas. They found his body off Interstate 580, almost beaten to death."
If John had succeeded on his plans, the crows would weep no more and finally rest. His sons and grandsons would not have to face the legacy he left behind. Always their lives in danger, the trail of chaos that follows after them, almost taunting them. Constantly trying to drag them in to the lower pits of hell, the torture of them daily until death finally took them. If John Teller had succeeded, I would have to weep no more either.
I hope you enjoyed reading me!
Part 3 will be posted soon. Then the rest of the chapters to follow at once.
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