Chapter 40
Angels and Outlaws
Part 4 of 14
Chapter 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, and 43 have been posted. Make sure to read them all. This isn't the end yet. We still have another 6 or 7 chapters to go.
No matter what life experiences you had, there were those that stuck with you forever. They changed your thought process for the good and bad of things. You tried to shake off the bad ones and get your head straight. Yet, they always resurfaced and sometimes haunted you as well. You told yourself it was ridiculous and there wasn't anything there to worry about. Then, you just got worse about it.
It became an obsession to me because I couldn't understand why Jax sabotaged our future. Just to fuck some skank. Just as we had finally put our lives together, had children and were happy. Or it was possible I was the only happy one. The more I surrender to his way of life, the less he cared about mine.
By the time he went to show interest or tell me once again the same shit, I was done. No more crying. Even my tears had given up on him. I'd already moved on, his cheating was simply the key left in the mailbox. The key to my freedom to do whatever I wanted, with who I wanted. Our story became eight words; he was only sorry when he got caught. The other times I never knew about them for certain if he had or hadn't, or exactly how many there were. It really didn't matter anymore by then.
Not that I was much better because I was with Kyle before we official ended our relationship. The biggest difference was, I begged Jax to stay home so he could be with me and it still wasn't enough for him to be there. I wasn't with someone else until I had given up on Jax. Perhaps, he never believed in us enough to give up anything from the start.
Mostly, I kept the shit buried as deep as I could. Without success I might add. I couldn't explain why the old feelings I had in the past kept coming to the surface. Kyle never gave me one reason to doubt him in any way. As a matter of fact, I could set my watch by the time he told me he would be home. If he was running late he always called or texted.
As far as other women went, he didn't seem to pay them much mind. He made me his center of the universe. Never once had I felt inadequate with him either. Still, here we were and I was pissed.
When I heard her giggle from the back it all began. Those fleeting moments of doubt; what was he doing and who in the fuck was he doing it with. The curtain separated us, I almost turned around and walked out of the tattoo shop. Of course, a trusting wife would have. As I should have but I didn't. With it pulled back I saw her naked ass planted directly in front of his face.
"Tara." Kyle followed me down the street because I left in a huff and wasn't going to stop. "Tara." With his long legs he finally caught up with me. "What is wrong with you?"
"Nice stars on her ass which she was shaking in front of you."
"It's how I earn money. You know this." Those were basically the same words I repeatedly heard in the past as well. It's just business, get over it.
We accepted the love we thought we deserved. We didn't question it, expect more from it. Now, I knew I deserved to be loved and respected in the same manner in which I gave it. I would not under any circumstance accept less than.
There was no way in hell I would tarnish my dignity to chase after anyone any longer. If they wanted another woman, I would hold the door open for them so it wouldn't hit them in the ass on their way out. It took me a long fucking time to get there but I realized at the end of the day you could either live and focus on what tore you a part or on what held you together.
Virtually all women would silently carry the scars from a deep sense of loss of something they truly couldn't comprehend and grievousness of the betrayal when they were cheated on. Whether a woman has stayed, left, or been left behind by him, it was always there to weigh on her mind and every fucking relationship she would have forward. Unless you broke the cycle. After you faced the demon and slayed it, only then would you be free from it. When old patterns were broken, a new world appeared before your eyes.
"You are it for me, girl. There will never be anyone else but you. Don't let what he done to you take away from what we have. Just like I tell myself you are not her and you won't hurt me either. At times, I get jealous too and try hard to keep in check. To not take out on you the things she's done. I keep telling myself you will always come home to me." There was the reminder I needed. It wasn't just my heart in a second chance survival mode, it was his as well. He had his own demons to face and conquer on the subject. "I'm almost finished. Go back with me and then we can go out to dinner tonight. Just you and me."
"What about the kids?"
"I'll call Nicole and see if she will stay with them."
We returned to the shop together. Together he finished up her tattoo. I set in a chair and flipped through a magazine while he done his thing.
"You pick it and I'll stick it...anywhere you want." My head shot up immediately. Only to find his attention locked on me. "My wife." He added that part with a beam of light on his face.
Truly I started to feel bad for my actions from before. With her skinny, young, tight ass in his face and his attention still on me. I guess, there really wasn't anything to worry about unless things changed in the future and I had a reason to.
Although, it wasn't the last time the subject came up and it had to be addressed. Only this time, Kyle was the one a little upset with me. He didn't meet my new intern under the best circumstances.
We had been working with a patient's case file. I wanted to show him how to do a test on the blood in the office, expand his mind when it came to figuring out what was wrong and what needed to be cured. He would still have to send a sample to the lab to confirm our findings. It was learning experience for Dean. We waited until the office was closed down for the day so we wouldn't be interrupted.
The small blood spinner I had was nothing compared to a real lab. When he loaded the blood, he pushed the button before he made certain the lock on it was snapped in place. Blood not only covered him but me as well. It was a rookie mistake and it was a hazard to ourselves now.
"Go shower, use the bathroom in my office. Try not to touch anything. Use a clean towel to open the door and the shower door."
The report would have to be filled out after I took care of the room. It mostly was on the counter and and floor. I put on gloves and followed bio hazard protocol, a blood splatter could carry some distance. I left him a plastic bag on the door knob to put his clothes in once he finished.
Quickly I stripped down once he was through. I scrubbed my skin with the special soap I had from the kit, several times. Now I was comfortable with getting dressed. But I was uncomfortable as hell when I came out of the bathroom. To see my husband with the horrified look he had on his face with Dean in my office in nothing but a towel wrapped around him and me freshly showered.
At first I thought of explaining what had took place and go from there. Then I thought of how I would have felt if the roles were revered at this particular moment and would have I believed it anyway. "This is my husband Kyle. This is my new intern Dean."
"It's nice to meet you, sir."
"I'd get the fuck away from me. If I were you." Kyle declined to shake his hand and Dean acknowledged the anger my husband had. He excused himself pretty damn quickly from the room too.
"I know how this looks. We were doing..."
"I'm only going to ask once, Tara. Is there something going on between you two? If so, just tell me." Kyle was defeated at the moment with the way he said it. His hopes, dreams and heart were deflated. Just like mine had been when I stood before him and thought the same things.
"Of course not. I love you and only you."
Sometimes words weren't enough. After I showed Kyle the room and the bloody clothes he had a more remorseful tone in his voice. I could tell he was sorry for his actions and doubting me too. So, I handled it with as much grace as possible.
"Don't let her shit on what we have because of what she's done to you in the past. I promise, I will talk to you when I get that old feeling and can't control my emotions. If you promise to do the same."
"I promise, girl."
A knock interrupted my tender moment but it was alright. "Doctor Knowles, I'm sorry to bother you guys. Where do you want the bloody items?"
"Leave them in the bathroom and I will dispose of them properly." Once again, Dean excused himself quickly after he put the baggie where I told him to.
"Doesn't he own another shirt." Kyle might have noticed Dean's shirtless body. Me, he seemed more like a boy than a man. Hell, I was getting old when I looked of him and thought of a playmate for my child.
"He doesn't have a great body like you do."
"Don't lie to me, girl. That fucker is built like a brick shit house."
We were all vulnerable at some point. We were even more exposed when we showed it for certain. It was a risky emotion to have but not nearly as dangerous as giving up all together. The shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damaged the roots from which love grew. Love could only survive these injuries if they were acknowledged and healed. The strongest love was the love that could demonstrate its fragility.
So, I knew this cycle of crazy jealousy and doubts had to come to an end. Not just for him but for me as well. If one emotion totally broke us, another had to heal us. Or at least set us on the path too. It wasn't what you said sometimes but how you said it. Maybe not what you had done to express love, but the way you expressed it.
Kyle waited on me as I gathered everything up. I got a fresh, clean doctors coat from the closet for tomorrow and thought of the possibilities. From the door of my office I twisted my butt to his chair. Propped the toe of my heels between his legs. Pulled back my white coat and placed my hand on my hip. When I was naked, I was the most vulnerable and the coat was all I wore for this. But not today, I had to trust and believe in him if I wanted a happy marriage.
"Mr. Brandon, it's time for your exam." I even adjusted the glasses on my face. Then took them off and sucked on a ear piece. "It's an oral exam, baby."
We went home in the best mood. After we put the kids to bed we talked for hours, freely expressed our feelings without judgement. Not only the regrets but where we wanted to be in the future. I felt we made progress too. Until the next day at lunch. When my husband made a surprise visit. The first thought was he came to check up on me and make sure no hanky panky was going on. Then I noticed he had something with him.
"Did you bring me a present?"
"Nope." From the bag under Kyle's arm, he pulled out three brand new shirts. "Now Dean will always have a shirt available here."
My husband bought me lunch. Then we squeezed in a sexy snack in my office before he left. He didn't make any other surprise visits because deep down he knew he could trust me as much as I could trust him. We had definitely made some progress between the two of us one step at a time.
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A boy makes his girl jealous of other women. A man makes other women jealous of his girl.
Golfan
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Don't waste your love on someone who doesn't value it.
William Shakespeare
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Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is strong as death,
jealousy is fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire.
Song of Solomon 8:6
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As I watched my family flutter around me to get ready for the day. I lacked something, involvement and interaction with them. Since I worked all the time to build the practice life had carried on without me in it. I left early in the morning and worked until late at night. Sure, I made the goal in mind of a successful business, I built what most could only dream of in a short period of time. But somewhere in the process I lost out too. If I hadn't been late to leave, I wouldn't have even known.
The seminars, speaking engagements to get my name out there, state audits and training the new intern had taken it's toll on my family. Or perhaps, it took a toll on me I didn't notice until now. To flourish in any relationship you must be somewhat fused to them through the mind and heart. Participate in everyday life and perform the simple task together. Happiness was a measure of how thickly the unconscious parts of our minds were intertwined with other people and with activities. The question was how much had they forgotten about me? How could I get it back?
Thomas walked past me directly to Kyle for help to tie his shoes. It wasn't just that though. The rest of it smacked me in the face and I knew I deserved every bit of it.
"Where are you going with those?"
"To put them in the mailbox. We do this every morning." Ellie had an arm load of poptarts, small juice bottles, napkins and lunch sacks to put it. On the way out of the driveway, it was a breakfast drive through for the kids. It was a ritual they began months ago. Something else I had missed.
The least I could do was help out with their lunches. He used a cookie cutter to make shapes out of sandwiches. When I put one in Kenny's lunchbox, Kyle corrected me. "He doesn't like it. Put a lunchable, chips and drink in his." The special sandwiches were for Abel and Cody only. When I copied the action for Ellie with what Kenny liked, Kyle once again corrected me. "She takes a salad, fruit and a water. It's already made in the frig."
"Son of bitch." It was said with my head in the frig getting out the items for her. It was said because I turned in to what I used to complain and bitch about. I knew the signs, no one had had to explain it to me.
"I need to be home more with you guys. So, I think..."
"I'm glad you brought it up, I want to talk to you about it actually tonight. I love you, girl. We got to go or we're going to be late." They each told me goodbye as they piled in the truck to be delivered to their destination.
"Bye babies. I love you more than anything."
Maybe they hadn't even noticed it yet. Maybe it wasn't on the same level I personally had experienced it. Maybe I was making more out of it than was necessary. But it was enough to seek change before it spun out of control beyond repair.
Throughout the day I began cutting extra activities. There would be no more late nights at the office unless absolutely necessary. I even made certain I was home early. We could have dinner together as a family and have time before bed to spend with one another.
Only I was alone when I got home. Tonight would be a simple grilled burger dinner. By the time I got everything done, I looked at the clock on the wall. It was getting late and no one was here yet. I decided to call to find out where they were.
"Where are you guys?"
Since they weren't expecting me until later, they bought dinner in town. Kyle had a tattoo scheduled as well. So after he picked up the kids, he fed them. He said it would only be a couple of hours until they were home.
With all the time I had on my hands, I went to do something else I had missed lately. From the front porch I witnessed nothing before me but peace and quiet. George and Sophia ate with me. They got a couple of burgers too. Then laid down beside my rocking chair. They were enjoying the night with me.
The silence gave the body a chance to reboot and refresh itself. To have thoughts when you were busy never came to mind. It actually allowed the heart to empty of the turmoil or what was pulling on the strings. It also gave you the time to think of how to say you're sorry for not being there for them.
Which, that was what I was ready to do as soon as they pulled up the driveway. I meet them at the truck and couldn't wait for them to get out. "There's my big boy." Thomas had his little arms around my neck. His little smile made me do so too.
After Nicole came to take Cody home, I ran Abel's bath. This was his least favorite thing to do. He complained as normal and I loved every minute of it. I should have my ass kicked for not being home more and not correcting it sooner.
Then came the one who had kept everything going on his own and never complained once. "I already know what you want to talk to me about."
"You do?"
"I'm so sorry, Kyle. I put the burden of the kids, the house and everything else on you. From now on..."
"That's what you think I want to talk about. You were building a career and I knew you would spend long hours away from us. I'm not upset at all about it. We take care of each other, help each other and when one is busy, the other picks up the slack. It's what a relationship is, girl."
We talked it through. I put more guilt and blame on myself than he ever could. Then we went on to what he actually wanted to discuss. "I know you don't like where I tattoo some of them. If they are willing to pay me hundreds of dollars for putting blue stars on their ass, then it's what I do. I went and talked to the community college. They have an opening for a professor. For the first semester it is night classes only. I would still have to give tattoos for awhile until I can go full time at the college. So, you will have to be here for the kids. I didn't want to do anything until I talk to you first."
"I think it's great. We will work it out."
There was an immense power and dynamics when two people worked towards the same goal. As long as you stood united you could literally accomplish anything, love would conquer all if you just gave it a chance and stood strong. It wasn't easy either to accomplish. But nothing worthy ever was.
When chaos got thrown in the mix of life, it interrupted the flow of harmony. The ability to get past it with your soul intact. Once you were divided, you usually remained that way.
The only thing that divide Kyle and I, was time. We strive to succeed in our relationship and everything else that came our way. It was hard to adjust to the new schedule we kept. In the long run though, it meant a better life for us and our children.
You could tell he was nervous for his first class. He never showed this emotion much. Just to get his tie straight was a struggle. "You'll do great." I felt his body relax as I pulled him by his tie to me. I set on the counter of the sink in the bathroom and watched him for the last thirty minutes, so, I decided to help him out a bit. I folded his collar back down once I made sure his tie was perfect.
"I love you, girl."
"I love you, boy."
His family sent him off on his way from the front porch. With Kyle being gone, it would give me a chance to spend time with just the kids. George and Sophia followed behind the truck to the end of the drive. They were always there to greet us when we came home too. While the boys played, I threw their ball with them around the yard until it was time for me to start dinner.
The grill got hot quickly. Since were having hotdogs, it didn't take long to finish. They wanted potato salad and chips with it. Kenny's appetite had increased. He finally started to put on a little weight. Not long after, he would have another growth spurt. I felt he would take after Opie, tall and lean. Where Ellie was on the petite side like her mother.
As soon as the table and kitchen was cleaned up it was time to address it. "What homework do you have?" Kenny required more attention in this area than the others. He didn't care for school much and you had to stay on him. His school agenda book had to be signed off on daily. It was the system we worked out with his teacher so we knew what he hadn't finished for the day. They thought he had a learning disability, we thought he just didn't like it.
"Good job." He caught on fast when you worked with him. In between his questions, I folded up laundry. We went over his spelling words for the week and we would tackle those again tomorrow night.
"Can I go now?"
"Yes."
Ellie bounced in the kitchen with her cell planted firmly in her ear. Her long brown hair pinned back on the top of her head. Soon, she would be applying to college and leave home. It wasn't a thought I wanted to have, at least not now. "Tara, can I go to a sleepover this weekend?"
"Yes."
Ellie had found her own way. She made a couple of friends since we moved here. It was good for her to act like a child while she still could. It was another thing I hadn't done when I was young.
"Abel, do you know what time it is?"
"I'm asleep, Mommy." It made me giggle he thought of it one all on his own. It wouldn't save him from his bath. But cute none the less.
Once I had the kids in bed, I turned my attention to the other one I had neglect the last few months. I was ready for him when he got home. His eyes widen when he came through the door. I stood in a plaid shirt and white blouse without a bra on. The sucker made my lips as red as it was when I ran it across them. With one last suck on it, I approached my husband. Took his tie in my hand and lead him to the bedroom with it.
"I've been a very bad girl. Maybe you should tie me up with your tie and spank me."
"Damn, girl."
"Wait until you see what I plan to do with the sucker."
There were moments you knew you were truly blessed in life and love. I was one of the lucky ones. It picked up automatically where I left off with my family. I never knew this kind of life existed before. Or how much being loved unconditionally meant. Now that I had the experience, I would never left go of it. Time I spent with the kids was precious, not to be taken for granted, they were growing so quickly. But there was one more thing I still wanted to do.
I had always been an astute student. Once Kyle enriched his life and our finances with education. I wanted to try as well. So I made arraignments with Nicole. She and Molly stayed with the kids one night a week while I attended class. In return, I watched Molly and Cody so she could run errands, clean house or just sleep when she wanted. A new mother was worn out. I would have done it anyway for her, because she truly was my sister.
It took a lot for a person of my age to walk in a room with basically nothing surrounding me but children. Girls were gabbing in the corner seats with each other. They passed around a magazine with new fashion. It wasn't something high up on my priority list. As I was dressed in jeans, a button down shirt and a blazer.
Since, I had absolutely nothing in common with them except being around the same age as their parents. I chose to sit alone with no one surrounding me. Until three boys came in. They weren't excited about being here like I was. To them this was just a requirement they had to complete in order to get their degree. It was what I needed to complete me.
The professor was already five minutes late. If we had been, the door would have been locked and we wouldn't get to attend this class. The jock tossed his football slightly up in air and caught it several times from boredom. The boys beside him ogled over the girls.
"Okay, quiet down. Lets begin. My name is Professor Brandon."
The boys weren't as impressed with him as the girls were. They oohed and awed over my husband, he made them swoon. It made me smile because he done the same thing to me.
"I hear he's gay." The football jock said just above a whisper to his buddies. They were consumed by that idea. As they discussed it farther between them.
"He's not gay."
"How do you know?"
"He's my husband."
The boys no longer had anything to say. They turned around to face the front with nothing but learning on their minds. Other than the fact, they hoped I wouldn't repeat the conversation to the professor. Which, I wouldn't.
"Lets dive onto the world of Mythology. They didn't believe in heaven or hell during those times. They relayed the the myths of Greece and Rome in his Metamorphoses, the gap which all the universe sprung from. Chaos represented the disorder before the gods; eventually, chaos begot the beginning of it..."
For two hours straight the professor told us tales of the gods, what history had taught us from those times and what had my complete attention; the crows.
"Crows and ravens have been mentioned in scripture, holy texts, and mythology for centuries. Incredibly intelligent birds, they're often portrayed as mischievous tricksters, but they're also often associated with death and the transition to the afterlife. Perhaps most popular is the depiction of the ravens often seen in the company of, or representing, the Morrigan—the Celtic goddess of war and death..."
Kyle stopped the lecture with thirty minutes of class left. To answer any questions and to give us an outline of the term paper each of us had to complete. The football jock raised his hand.
"Do you really believe in this magical crow crap?"
With a slight grin that escaped his expression, Kyle's eyes danced when they met mine. "Actually, I do. It is up to each and everyone in here to determine the same. You need to have ready the basic information for your term paper when we meet next week. Do your research."
Once the professor packed up his things from the desk they began to exist out of the room. I waited behind for him so we could walk out together. Only, another professor had the same idea. "Professor Brandon, I was wondering if you could give me a jump. My car won't start."
"Sure." He put his arm around me as we walked out of the school.
"You're very friendly with your students."
"This is my wife, Tara." She seemed a little surprised. I wasn't when we found there really wasn't anything wrong with her car. It fired right up when Kyle tried to start it. But she still thanked him profusely until he finally walked away from her.
"We both know what she really wants you jump."
"We both know I am always going to come home to my wife. Other women can't compare to you. In beauty, kindness and intelligence. My attraction to you has never been just physical. It's like we have a mental connection, it's so rare to find. To me you are perfect you stimulate my body and mind. I will never do anything to screw that up."
"Do you want to take the long way home?" I never thought about why he and I were close. Maybe he was on to something. Now, I wanted to be on something too, him.
By the time we made it home, it was early morning. Nicole was stretched out on the couch with Molly in Thomas' crib. He was a big boy now in a toddler bed. Cody was out in Abel's bed with him. Kyle covered his sister up and just let her sleep. We checked on each of them before we turned in too.
When I woke the next morning, something had come over me during the dark of the night. I had reached a new level of life and peace. It sounded dramatic and instant, maybe it was. Whether you chose to move on from your struggles and enjoy life or waddle in your misery, life continued on, how happy it was you had to decide. You tried to convenience yourself you deserved more and always wanted more. For the first time, I knew I had it all.
Before they got out of bed I started to write my term paper. The name was the easiest part; Circling the Crow. I typed as fast as my fingers would allow. I could always go back and edit it later. Through three cups of coffee I wrote about life's cycle, how it all comes full circle back to you. Until I was interrupted. They were up and they were hungry.
Every chance I got, I worked on my paper. After I put the kids in bed I wrote my heart out until Kyle came home. A couple of weeks had passed and I was stuck on what else to put in it. I had another class and I hoped it gave me some ideas. I loved to listen to Kyle teach, he done it with such passion. Just as he done everything else in life.
"The most power you ever posses, is knowledge. No one can ever take it away from you and how you expand on it, is totally up to you." There was a lesson in the words he expressed to these students. Being older, I already understood it. Most in here wouldn't even begin to get it until later on. "You don't have to be in a classroom to gain it either. There is a library full of it you can access daily. It's what we are going to talk about today. The Library of Alexandria. It was built on the muses of nine goddesses. In B.C. before books were invented. They collected any and all written words on scrolls. Some them were no more than symbols to relate their writings..."
The lecture was fascinating and I took in every word he spoke. Until he came to the part that didn't require just my attention, I had lived it already. There were pauses he made and looked directly at me. As though it was he and I alone in this room. It wasn't a hard code to crack but the others had no idea what he meant. "Son of a bitch."
"The church in the Dark and Middle Ages took the earth centered view of the universe. Man was the center of everything and all things evolved around only the man. I'm here to tell you, they were wrong. Alexander the Great knew there was more and he went on a journey to find it. He built the library on the muses of the nine goddess which inspired artist and still do today. They were the daughters of Zeus and Apollo. Zeus was the king of gods. Until it shifted and transferred over time to Apollo. Why? All because the love of one woman, they battled for the hand of the beautiful maiden. Alexander figured it out way back then. A man was not made a king by just his own strengths. He was made a king by the strength of the woman beside him. Look at this diagram and give me a minim of five hundred words on your take of it."
In my hand I felt I held another piece to the puzzle I never knew existed. The diagram was a complete, perfect circle with a tinier version of it in the middle. In the center were three names written. The three that determined the outcome of many lives. Or I guess she had. With nine equal pieces of the circle, one dedicated to each goddess. They all brought something to the table to make it complete.
As I began to write I looked up to see him at his desk. With his gaze fixated on just me. Only I couldn't figure out the expression on his face and exactly what it meant. But I felt nothing but love radiate from him. The type of love I had never felt before him. Eventually, his eyes wander around the room to the others and I went back to the task at hand.
Before class was over I wrote the front and back of a piece of notebook paper. It wasn't due to be turned in. Yet, I had already completed my assignment except for the ending which came to me the more I thought back.
The maiden could have made a choice between them based on not who was the better man for her. But who made her a better woman.
When the last sentence was written, I read over it a couple of times. Printed my name on the piece of paper and was ready to turn it in on my way out. Everyone began to gather up their belongings and were ready to go. Kyle hadn't his stuff yet and leaned back on the edge of his desk. Checked his watch a couple of times. As he smiled because he knew they wanted as he checked his watch again.
"Go on, get out of here. Don't forget your assignment next class."
"Excuse me, Professor, can we discuss tonight's lecture over a cup of coffee?"
"Yes, we can. Now, come over here and sexually harass your teacher with a kiss."
It was almost a deja vu moment. Kyle opened the door for me, pulled out my chair and we talked for hours over coffee.
"Why didn't tell me this before?"
"Because you're smart , girl. I don't have to tell you, I never have. You figure out things all on your own. Someday, remember this conversation and remember how much I love you. When I wrote your name in ink on my finger, it was already on my heart and will stay there forever."
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I wrote your name in the sand...but the waves washed it away.
I wrote your name in the sky...but the wind blew it away.
I wrote your name on my heart...and forever it will stay.
Quotes Gram
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Make me a willow cabin at your gate, and call upon my soul within the house;
write loyal canton of contemned love and sing them loud even in the dead of the night.
William Shakespeare
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Write all the words which I have spoken to you in a book.
Jeremiah 30:2
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"Where are the kids?"
"Gemma and Nero took them to the zoo. Ellie went with her friends. We are all alone."
"Damn. We can have pizza, sex and a nap."
We had time for sex and a nap. But we never got a pizza. We were still asleep when they brought the kids home. They were exhausted, sweaty and happy with the time spent with grandma.
"We would like to take them again. If that's okay?"
"You can anytime." She only nodded and went to leave. "Gemma, they love you and I know you love them." She gave a slight smile on her way back to the car.
"Thanks, Tara. Gemma really needed this today." Nero never elaborated on what he meant. But it was start to repair the relationship with the kids. She was one crazy bitch, it would never change. Neither would her love for them.
It certainly didn't fix the problems Gemma and I had with one another. But it started to ease the pain of it the more she came around my sons. They melted her heart as much as mine. Before long, she would get healed by it. Over the years, I had and I held the faith she would too. If you found something to fill that gaping hole in your chest, you could master a lot of things.
In the long run she and I had similarities perhaps I hadn't noticed until now. We both grew up without a mother to show us love and compassion. From it we wanted to be even better mothers because of it. The man we loved had other women while we pretended it wasn't going on and tried to forgive and forget about it. It was why we knew the importance of a man who loved and adored us. This trip down memory lane got me nowhere to the place I wanted to be.
"Do you want to help me?" Ellie and I began the spring cleanup in the yard. It was time to pick up what the winter left behind and start over. In a few weeks I would be ready to plant flowers so they could blume and refresh the season. We done that while the boys mowed, raked up leaves and swept the sidewalk.
The spring brought an effect over you. It was a new beginning, a fresh slate to start over. The fever had already hit the kids. They wanted to be outside more and school seemed to be the last thing on their minds. I even had a hard time focusing the next day when I was at work.
Through my office window, I felt the warmth the sun had to offer. I raised it up and caught the slight breeze blow through it. Along with the smell of the magnolia tree and the scent filled the room. There were no problems that couldn't be solved for me at the moment. Except, I wanted to be a kid again and shirk my responsibilities today.
"Doctor, your next patient is here."
It wasn't in the cards for me to stop and smell the roses. So I went back to work. After I saw the last patient I couldn't wait to get out of here. While I drove home I took in all the earth had to offer in amazement with the window rolled down. You would have thought I was a child but maybe I just appreciated the day.
Until the night came. When the phone rang in the middle of the it, it was never usually good news. I could barely get awake enough for it to register my cell was indeed going off. Just as I went to get up to answer it, it stopped. For only Kyle's phone to start in.
"We'll be there." He was already getting his pants on and fumbled around to find his keys.
"Who was it?"
"Nero. Gemma had a stroke."
We woke up Ellie enough she knew we were leaving and to watch the boys. Kyle tried to reach Nero several times on the way to the hospital and couldn't. His cell went straight to voicemail.
It was too late by the time we arrived. Gemma was already gone. Nero was still alive and had to continue to live with the outcome of it. He was on the bench outside of the hospital, still in shock, still in love with the woman he lost.
"I'm nothing without her." He labored for every breath he took in. It was as much pain for him to even utter those words.
The tears and pain came to me as well. I never got to say goodbye to Gemma. Or repair the relationship back to what we once had. She had missed out on so much time with the boys. It was as much as my fault as it was hers. Now, I wouldn't be given the chance to.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" The voice behind me, I knew so well. I didn't even need to turn around and see who it was.
"I don't mean any disrespect, Jax. I'm here because I liked Gemma and to support Nero."
"Leave, now. While I still allow you to."
Kyle didn't argue with Jax, it was his mother after all. He done as Jax wished, he went to the truck to wait on me.
This was where I had to make a decision. Even though I felt I had done the right thing. It still didn't turn out that way. When a relationship doesn't work out, in a time like this. You should express symphony and have compassion. "I'm sorry about Gemma."
"She was already dead to me. Just like anyone who betrays me."
Jax obviously hadn't worked out his anger at me yet. He didn't except my condolences and couldn't resist throwing a little dig in there just for me. Since he wanted it to be this way. There was one person I was concerned for to make it through the loss of a loved one, Nero.
We turned our complete focus to him. When I went over the next day to see him, Nero was in bad shape. The whisky bottle in his grip didn't begin to numb the pain he felt. He hadn't taken a drink in years. With her gone, he felt like the world had nothing left to offer him.
He asked if I'd accompany him to make arraignments for the service. I drove because he wasn't in any shape to drive or even really walk as much as he stumbled around. I didn't think he was going to make it through this, how was he going to make it through tomorrow when he had to say his final goodbye to her.
On the way home he got sick and I had to pull over. I held on to him as he released all the liquor from his body he had consumed. Once I finally got him back in the car, the goal was to get him home and in bed.
"Thank you, mama." His hand blindly searched for mine until he found it.
"I'm here for you."
It wasn't just an empty promise made. I'd do anything for Nero. He had always been there for me and treated me with nothing but respect. Only I didn't have the strength it took to get a passed out man from the car. I called Kyle and he came to take of him.
"The kids will be home soon. You go and I'll stay with Nero until he wakes up."
There was still a conversation I needed to have with Abel. Thomas was too little to understand any of this. I waited at the end of the drive for them to get off the bus.
It was difficult where to begin and what to say or not say to him. "Grandma is in heaven now."
Children looked to us for answers. Even ones we really didn't have. "Will the angels take care of her?"
"Yes, baby."
It didn't seem to soothe Abel's pain. When he disappeared, I went to search for him. He was the one out of all the kids most effected by her death. I found him on his bed with his monkey clutched to him. It was what he had to hold on to grandma with. I held him as tightly as I could and let him cry.
Most taught boys they weren't suppose to have emotions. As they got older it made them weak to express them. I wanted him to know in my presences he could. It wasn't long before he cried until he couldn't anymore. I laid down with him in my arms. After he dozed off I covered him up. I wouldn't wake him until he was ready to get up.
When the rest of kids where in bed I went to my rocking chair and just contemplated life. What it held for us and how it would come to an end. If I wanted to admit it or not Gemma had been an influence in my life. Not always a good influence but she was there when no one else was.
"How is Nero?"
"Sad and confused."
There was no need to discuss the state of his condition. We both knew this would send him over the edge as much as he truly loved her. We set in the night air while we rocked together in silence. Death had a way of making you think about your own life.
There was debate if I should let Abel go to the funeral or not. Ellie and Kenny made their own decision to not go and Thomas wouldn't know what was going on anyway. So, I left it up to Abel. This was the first decision of many my son would make in his lifetime.
The morning came when it was time for him to decide. He still couldn't. "How about you and I will go put flowers on grandma later on?"
"Grandma loves flowers. She grows a garden on her porch. I like..." It gave my son a way to relate to the situation and deal with the loss. He continued to talk about his grandma and other things she loved. Once more before we left, I asked him if he wanted to go. He wanted tomorrow to go buy the flowers for her. I would make certain it happened too.
Ellie watched the kids for us. She planned to do stuff with them to keep them busy. More so, she wanted to keep Abel busy so he wouldn't think about it. She was going to make a great mom someday.
The drive was long and I dreaded it. As much as I dreaded the reason. Nero was here already. The dark glasses covered his face to hide it. Nothing could hide his broken heart though.
"Can I talk to you, Tara?"
"Sure."
He handed me a thick brown envelope. As I went to open it. "Please wait until you get home."
"What's in it?"
"I trust you, mama. Don't open it until you get home." It gave me a uneasy feeling with the way Nero spoke. But I gave him my word and I would do as he wished.
It was time to take another walk up that long hill to lay another person to their final resting place. It was Nero I worried about. He never left the casket. He stayed as close to it and her as he could. I went to talk to him but he began our conversation before I could.
"It hurt Gemma worse to not be with you and the boys. Than it did with Jax and club."
"I honestly didn't think it bothered her at all to not be around me. But I know it did she wasn't around my sons."
"There are very few people in this world we open up ourselves to, I mean full honest truth. You and I are the only ones she ever done it with I know of. She loved the club and her son. But she was never honest with them. When it came down to her choosing who would live on and survival. She chose you and the boys over herself. She thought Jax would make it quick and kill her. She knew the risk she was taking. He didn't but he done something worse, he exiled her from his life and told her how much he hated her. She had no family, no sense of belonging. It was a slow torturous death to her."
Nero's words hit me like a truck. It ran over me, backed up and done it again. Not that I didn't deserve it. I knew almost everything he said already. Yet, we all had a humbling moment when we were reminded of how we got where we were. Without Gemma, I probably wouldn't still be alive. As much as I felt hated by her when I was with her son because we hadn't done what she wanted. I also felt she loved me as much as she could as a daughter. The only way she knew how.
The tension was on high alert during the entire ceremony. Not from myself, this wasn't exactly the place or time for it. I too could have played the blame game and told him how much he ruined my life. But what would it truly accomplish for either one of us. Then again, it wasn't me Jax chose to direct his anger at today. Which, made no sense.
They had reached a point of civil conversation between them until now. Something changed I wasn't aware of. They kept staring at each other. Not a single word spoken between them though. Jax wouldn't budge on his stance of whatever in the hell it was and Kyle wouldn't back down on it. I wanted to pay my final respects to her and get the hell out of here. I let go of Kyle's hand and went to place the flowers I had in my hand since they had already helped Nero make it to the car.
"It was time for a change, Gemma. I couldn't be you no matter how hard I tried to. I know I wouldn't have survived this life without you. Or got my family out alive. For that, I will be always grateful."
Gemma was a force to be reckoned with. She knew how to work the room to her advantage. You felt like she was your best friend until she shoved the knife up your ass. There were times, I knew in my heart she had done the right thing even though she sacrificed what she had with her son and the club life she helped build. Other times, she fucked you over with a smile and made you believe she had done you favor.
When she let her guard down, you seen a completely different person. I got a glimpse into the outlaw queen and the life she had endured. It was one of a heartbreaking level. She never felt loved by her mother, men in her world used and abused her and the glamorous life she wanted in the streets turned to crime and chaos.
Although, there were many occasions I wished I had her confidence and strength she had. Gemma just never learned how to turn it off, get past it. If she loved she was all in, when she hated it was the same result. There was even once in the middle of all the shit, she felt like a mother to me. She done it for me and my sons even though she always insisted she didn't. It would be what I would hold on to about her.
Through the grief I could almost see her standing before me with a smoke between her lips. Looking down upon us all today, this service. "You know what you need to do, sweetheart. Don't let the bastards grind you down. You keep your shit together, hold your head up high. No one can hurt you without you allowing it. Never let Abel or Thomas forget how much grandma loves them."
"Yeah."
As my hands let go of the lilies, they laid on her casket in a neat pile. You had to keep what brought you peace and release what brought the suffering. In the misting rain, it looked like tear drops ran off the flowers, in her time spent on earth she had shed many. In the afterlife, I truly wished Gemma some final peace.
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When someone you love, becomes a memory. The memory, becomes a treasure.
Quotes Gram
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Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers o' er- fraught heart and bids it break.
William Shakespeare
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I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he dies, yet shall he live.
John 11:25
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Abel and I made our rounds once a month. We put flowers on those we loved. His main reason for coming was Gemma. We planted peace lilies between her and Nero. We also brought fresh flowers for her too.
The doctors claimed Nero died of heart complications. I felt he died of a broken heart. He had no desire to live once she was gone and just gave up on life. His son had passed a few years before they had. His request was to be buried between the two people he loved most in this world. I was left specific instructions on what he wanted done along with the money to pay for it all.
After we left the cemetery we stopped at a little dinner on the way home to get breakfast. As time went on Abel wasn't as sad to visit there anymore. He made sure the lilies were taken care of for grandma. It was his way of remembering her and their time together. It was a sad reminder that everyone experienced death of someone they loved.
But for ever death a new life came. A new cycle brought on a brand new beginning of the another day. It was a slate wiped clean to start over. To do things in a better way than had been done before. It was where I was at the next morning as I contemplated what a new life meant. When I climbed out of bed I went to do it. I had to know for certain.
"Tara, is everything okay?" Usually I never locked our bathroom door. This morning was an exception to the rule.
"I'll be out in a minute." I said a minute, more like five or so. I pulled out the stick and done my morning business.
Kyle again knocked on the door. I unlocked it and waited for him to pass out when he seen what I was doing. He picked it up from the counter and examined it closely. A smile crossed his face as he set it back down.
"I know we don't need more children. I..."
"I'm not upset. We have a lot of love to give. What's one more."
"A mini bus." He laughed at my response but I was serious.
We watched the clock tick by. Each second was a past memory. Until it was time to see what the results were. "I'm not pregnant." Every indication I had told me I was. My body felt it too.
"Okay." He seemed disappointed but blew it off like everything was fine. "I'll drop Thomas at daycare. It's on my way. Are you sure you don't want me to take the kids to school?"
"I'll take them."
"I'll see you tonight. I love you, girl."
"I love you, boy."
With a kiss for my two boys to send them off to their day. I went to get ready so the kids and I could get breakfast before they went to school. It made me think back to when the boys were babies as I threw it all in the trash when I cleaned off the bathroom counter.
All I had left to do was put my makeup on and we could leave. I started the warm water and wet my face with it. As I lifted up to the mirror I saw his reflection in it. "Shit."
We brawled around the bathroom and bedroom. He was too powerful for me. I ended up with my wrist bound and gagged with a rag. When the black fabric hood went over my head I freaked out. More so when I couldn't see the kids or hear them when I was thrown in the back of a vehicle. I was being taken against my will and I could do nothing about it.
Every bump in the road was felt by me. The sounds echoed in my head louder than they had ever before from the surroundings. Only their langue was foreign, a thick accent and I couldn't understand them when they spoke.
It seemed like hours had passed by. My hair was stuck to my face from the sweat of the fabric, it stifled my breath. My arms numb from the ropes that bound my wrist behind my back. When I tried to move around, I couldn't.
When the vehicle came to a halt. Two doors shut and then I felt them drag me out of it. I fought blindly against whatever was there but I couldn't escape them. As I was shoved down in chair, the hood came off my head.
All of their eyes were on me. I didn't recognize any of them. Or have a clue with what they wanted from me.
They all took a step back from as man in a suit came in. He immediately took off his jacket and loosened up his tie. "Do you know who I am?" Since I couldn't speak with the gag in my mouth. I shook my head no.
"You knew my father and brother. Your husband killed them."
Through the rag I struggled to get the words out to come through. Finally he had them cut it off me. "Where are my children?"
"They are safe. For now." He picked up a cellphone and called a number. How he got it I have no idea. "Tell your husband we have you. If he wants to see you alive again he needs to come and make it right."
So many questions ran through my mind to ask him. But the only thing came out had nothing to do with it. "I'm not married to Jax anymore. I don't know anything or have anything to do with what he does."
"You were in Mexico when he slaughtered my family." He was up in my face as he screamed at me. Then as the picture came in plain sight I knew I was fucked.
As clear as day a photo of myself at the laundry with Kyle in Mexico as we searched for the boys. When they held us there until the others came to save us. "You have the wrong one. He was never part of the club. Please, where are my..." A piece of stiff thick tape was pressed across my lips to shut me up.
The damage was done and couldn't be corrected now no matter how much I plead with them. Through the tape I coughed and gagged because I felt so sick I could barely hold it back. This was the end of the line and the train was about to run me over. My children would pay the price for all of it. Every sin committed by their father and the club.
"If you want to see your family alive again. You better do exactly as I say." He made the call. There was no turning back now. There was no repentance that could save us now. There was no way out.
They forced me up on my feet and pushed my body to move through the old abandon warehouse. I was literally thrown in a room on the floor. The dirty concrete felt cold as my face touched it. I just laid there with no fight left. The only light was a dim light bulb that flickered.
The noise behind me made me try to set up. Only to see my terrified children hoovered together in the corner of the room. Their hands tied in front of them with a gag in their mouths. Ellie set in the middle of Kenny and Abel. The boys were so close to her from fear there was no gap between them.
With my feet and butt, I scooted until I reached them. At least I knew they were still alive and with me. This was a terrible situation for all of them. But Abel, he had been here so many times already.
We couldn't communicate by words but we did by love. They all hugged me as much as they could with tied hands. My demeanor had to calm them so I had to remain calm for them. My heart raced by what felt like a thousand beats a minute. Yet, I tried to stay sane for them.
The door creaked when it was swung open. Two of them came in while one of them had a large knife in his hand and the other a sack. I wondered if this would be the last time I saw my babies sweet faces. As he came towards us, I pushed my back up against the wall. I stood in front of my children unsure what I could really do to protect them. Yet, I had to try.
He dumped the sack on the floor. Bottled water and food fell to it. He didn't speak perfect English but it was enough I could understand he was going to cut us free. When he finished. The locked door slammed behind them.
Water was pleasant on my throat as I swallowed it down quickly. The kids ate after I helped them get the gags off. Then came the hard part. They wanted to know why we were here, when we could go home.
"Soon." I kept all my replies simple and vague. The reality was I didn't have an answer that was truthful or good news for them.
As time passed by so had my life before my eyes. As I held on to Abel and Kenny while they slept. All the things I still wanted to do. All the things I wished I had done. All the things I done to get myself here today.
Again the door creaked when it came open. I braced myself for what was about to come next. They brought more water and food to us.
"How long have we been here?"
"He's running out of time. You better hope he's here soon." Once again the door closed behind him.
It wasn't long until I heard the creak. "Get up." The more I resisted. The rougher he got with me. My hands were bound and I was gagged.
Although I stopped fighting as soon as I seen him. The eyes were the gateway to the soul. We had a conversion and I couldn't utter a word. Bu he had to break away and deal with what was before him.
"It's my cellphone." Kyle stopped when he immediately had a gun shoved in his face when he moved. Then, he slowly and cautiously continued on. "There is something you need to see."
"You son of bitch, you took my wife and son." I couldn't see what the video was playing on the phone. But I knew those desperate pleas of a desperate mother with the determination to protect her young. He threw the phone against the concrete wall. While it shattered, my thought was all of this bullshit had shattered many people's lives in the process.
"You didn't think I would walk in here without some insurance my family will get out. The bloodshed between our families needs to end. Ends here now with you and me. You let my family go, they let yours go."
"They?"
"There is an army waiting past those gates. If you kill my family, they kill yours. Please, don't force me to hurt your wife and son." This was a constant nightmare in Kyle's life. The last thing he wanted to do was ever hurt a mother and children. He lost brothers because of it and still lived that pain. Only now, the stakes were so high because it was his children.
As they dragged me away once again. Kyle mouthed the words to me. "I love you, girl."
The exchange was arraigned already. We would be let go at the gate and the same with his family. Only no arraignments were made on Kyle's behalf. I had no way to reach him, to get to him. We were kept in the locked room away from him.
The struggle really began when they came to get us. There was no way in hell I was leaving here without him. As they took Abel from our group as we walked out the door, I kicked them, screamed at the top of my lungs. Only for the rag in my mouth to muffle my sounds. Only for two of the men to pick me up and throw me in the car.
My hands banged against the glass. My feet pushed and kicked on the seat in front of me. My heart was broken. My eyes then seen them. They were in flight to their destination. It had been years since the crows appeared in our life. It wasn't a good sign either.
The car came to abrupt halt as it threw me forward. On the other side of the gate they all stood. Kyle's brothers armed along with Jax and the club. As soon as she existed the car, I knew it was his wife they held captive. She fought them to get to her child still in the car. A mother's love wasn't hard to tell even from a distance.
But she and I had no choices left and were given no alternative ending. Maybe we never really had with the kind of life we chose to live. That life was coming around full circle now to swallow us whole.
It was in the process and it was going down if I wanted it to or not. We were shoved through the gate at the same time. Exchanged for the past crimes of love we committed. She and I fought with everything we had to stay with our child left behind. Only to be defeated.
"I have to go back. Abel and Kyle are still in there." I tried to argue with Boomer, I tried to reason with him. It didn't work though. Meat overpowered me in the escape car.
"Please, Boomer."
"We will get them both out. You can't go back."
Just as we rounded the curve on the road, we were bombarded by them. They were scattered all over, the side of it and in the trees. Boomer swerved to miss them because they wouldn't budge. Only it wasn't until I seen it, then I knew exactly what was going to happen, what was about to take place.
The white faced crow landed on the hood with it's head dropped as it meant to send me sympathy and was sorry for what it had to do. Although it made such a perfect landing for such a horrible event to come. Boomer chose to slam on the brakes this time to get rid of it. But it wasn't going away, it was here for a purpose. Once the other four joined by its side and dropped their heads in unison, the tears had just began to fall from me. As quickly as they arrived they departed together in flight.
When I lifted the handle it wouldn't open, it was locked. "I need out. I have to go back." I was panic stricken to get out of this damn car. Come hell or hell of the crows, I was getting out.
"You can't go back." Boomer had no clue what was about to transpire. He had a job to do; get us to safety. But he didn't understand what was about to happen like I did.
The sky turned ghostly grey in color, then went dark, a cold black, as the night would and it was day time. The lighting flashed around and the storm was brewing. Only this storm was coming for me head on this time in a hard and furiously manner. Perhaps more so than the one up in the sky. There were a hundred crows covering the ground as the car flashed by them at high speed.
"No. Please god..no."
Today was the unmistakable moment in time, which it stood still. Perfectly still. As I rode to safety and freedom, my son was wrapped in the arms of danger. But, today also marked the moment of the crows.
They had warned me, told me their secrets and shown me many times what today would bring. The headstone in my dreams, or the nightmares, which was what they really were. Was my son's grave, Abel. His death came today. He died at the same age he was today. My world would no longer be whole after today.
"You have to stop this damn car." Boomer never expected me to leap over the seat and attack him. But, it was exactly what I had done. Once it slowed down I let go, I let go of everything but my family. Out the door I went while it was still in motion. The harsh reality of how hard the ground was when I tumbled to it, was nothing in comparison of the reality I must face.
The brakes came to a screeching halt while I ran to save my baby. Boomer was a good loyal man. He knew he couldn't risk the children's' lives to go after me. He performed what training had taught him, as I done what a mother would do. After it sped off, I sped up the pace to get back to where I was a captive against my will. My strong will was to bring my family home now.
The white faced crow flew up above from tree to tree waiting for me to reach the end and his final destination. Now everything went dark surrounding me. Piercing high pitched birds making their call at the same time were making me scream in pain. I covered my ears to block the noise as I kept running to get to them. The fog rose slowly from the ground. It swirled around my moving legs. This was an evil replay of déjà vu.
The pings of bullets flying, the sounds of bombs exploding, the screams of pain and the death at my doorstep would not stop me. The smell of of gun powder vaporized through the cloud of smoke it had engulfed us all in. What would not become clouted was what I had to do. Save my son even if it meant I would no longer live myself. Through him, I would live on forever in his heart and the rest of my children.
Four of them were flying in unison in a circle above me with the white faced crow hoovering in the middle. He effortlessly hoovered in the center of their circle where he waited to take the soul. Show them the way home. Death held many faces while it succumb what was around it. Even though I knew why they were here, their loud caws, told what their hearts were screaming out in a painful way to me. I followed them, they were my guide to find my son. As I no longer could see with my eyes in this haze, I had to follow my true heart to find to my son and husband.
A devoted husband who would die to protect me and our children. He didn't just stop at telling me he loved me, I was shown first hand by him daily. With ever action he took, no matter if it was large or small, he took a piece of my heart in awe. When I stopped to finally catch my breath. I said it, as though they could magically hear me. "I love you, Abel. I love you, Kyle. More than all the ants on the sidewalk and the leaves on the trees."
No sooner than I spoke those words, I heard him. "Mommy." Blindly I went in the direction of his voice. "Stop you're hurting me."
There was no known pain as when your child suffered and you couldn't do anything about it. Your child was an unignorable part of you, Abel was one of the better parts of me. You protected them to the best of your ability. You cherished them the moment you hold them in your arms to eternity. You were never the same without them.
When the last gunshot rang out. The fog began to lift up high to the sky. So did the five crows through what was once darkness that surrounded us. They flew to the light that shown through today's darkness. John Teller came to take him home, to take him to the afterlife.
"No." I cursed the sky on my knees of mercy. Although no mercy was shown by the crows.
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When I must leave for a little while
Please don't grieve and shed wild tears
And hug your sorrow to you through the years
But start but bravely with a gallant smile
And for my sake and in my name
Live on and do all the things the same
Feed not your loneliness on empty days
But fill each waking hour in useful ways
Reach out your hand in comfort and in cheer
And I in turn will comfort you and hold you near
And never, never be afraid to die
For I am waiting for you beyond the sky..
Helen Steiner Rice
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When you depart from me sorrow abides and happiness takes his leave.
William Shakespeare
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Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life.
He does not come into judgment, but has passed from death to life.
John 5:24
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I hope you enjoyed reading me!
The library and the nine goddess are true facts. Indeed they were a perfect circle of harmony. If one of them was out of sync...the circle was array. Melpomene is the goddess of tragedy. Her parents too had had a love story very similar to what we have talked about. History repeats itself throughout time. I've often thought of whom it refers to now in our time of life.
Please forward to the next chapter.