Chapter 44
Angels and Outlaws
Part 8 of 14
Well, my lovelies, we are finally at the end of the story. I broke it up and posting two chapters now. I know they take you guys forever to read.
If you have ever seen the Marvel characters of Thor. You already have been exposed to mythology to some degree. Even though the creator of the comics changed it around a little. You still have been.
Thor's father, Odin, is the same Odin you have read about in this story. Odin, the wise, peace loving father of Thor and the adopted father of Loki, tries to rule over Asgard justly and peacefully in the comics. If this Odin ever met the Odin of Norse myth, Marvel-Odin would get his ass kicked. The original Odin was a war god who didn't give two shits for justice, law, or peace. Does that sound like another person we know in this story? Yep, Jackson Teller.
The same with the movie The Crow and the comic version has been around for about forty years. The Crow is a supernatural bird that serves as the protagonist's link between the living world and the realm of beyond. The magical crow is capable of resurrecting people who have been murdered, so that the victims may be able to seek justice on the person or people responsible for their death. The crow serves as a guide, helping the individual tap into his or her potential and assisting in tracking down the wrongdoers. Other people do not see the crow, only the reborn, unless he wants it. The chosen one, the crow reveals itself as a person. (I took this definition directly from the movie description. All the things we talked about.)
Chapters 44, and 45 have been posted. Make sure to read them both.
"Thanks."
Ellie walked past Jax down the isles of justice and the life she didn't want to acknowledge or remember. Just as she refused to speak to him when he spoke to her. Abel and Kenny was there for their sister as she hugged them tightly to her. It comforted me they would always help each other make it through anything, even after I was long gone. If I had done nothing else right in my life, the way I raised them to love each other was the way it should be done.
The kids went on out because there was nothing else to do here and she never looked back. When I pushed the elevator button to go down. Jax excused himself. "I'll be back in a minute."
We waited in the lobby of the courthouse for him but he never came. So the kids went to the car and I went to mine. Then the one person who hurt my daughter came through those doors. I definitely noticed the prick.
As much as I wanted to run the boy over with my car, I let him walk on. "When someone hurts your baby, you never forget." Perhaps Gemma was still with me in spirit with the thoughts I had.
From the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of him. The caged animal had once again sprung freely from his cage. He was stalking his prey and I knew what was about to come around next. The need of blood or retaliation of some sort.
"Jax." Once I said his name through the window of the car. He sort of shook it off and came out of the fog he was in. "It's time to go."
"Yeah." He flicked the cigarette across the parking lot before he got in. Perhaps Jax and I harbored the same thoughts of the one who hurt Ellie. Maybe we even wanted to do the same things to him. Or we had separate evilness of how to make him feel her pain. The difference was, I wouldn't carry through on mine and Jax was capable of it.
This was a turning point for Jax as well as Ellie. From here on they had to determine how to proceed forward from it. Mostly Ellie wanted to put it behind her, forget about how the boy had wronged her. Jax however, when someone had wronged him, vengeance and violence was all that was left .
It served as sober reminder of the man he once was. I thought he had made such progress on the new kind of life he led. Or maybe I was just blindly fooled and he would never truly change from it, never got past it and wouldn't ever.
"You should be grateful the judge didn't throw the book at you today. It's over and it ends now." Of course Jax agreed with me on the subject but deep down I felt he didn't really mean it.
Although I didn't completely trust the new man Jax had become. I knew the one thing that seemed to make the beast more of a mellow fellow, it was my daughter. When I watched them together, I trusted him. Now if he could reach that same point with his sons, then he made true progress. It didn't make sense how another child was more comfortable with you than your own. Then again, a lot of mysteries in life really didn't.
Sissy grabbed her strawberry poptarts. She held them in one arm as she climb up on the couch. Every time Jax looked over at her, she smiled while she continued to munch on them. Finally she offered him one.
"What the hell. Thanks."
"Ohm. You said a bad word."
"It's not a bad word."
"Yes it is."
They had this argument until Jax got tired of it. For it to only turn in to a different one. When he threw his plastic water bottle in the regular trash. "It goes in the recycle bin." She took it out for him and put it where it belonged.
"You're just a kid. How do you know?"
"You're the adult. How do you not?"
"You ware me out, kid."
"You ware me out."
"Do you even know what that means?"
"Do you?"
There was something Jax didn't realize. Sissy could do this all day and still keep up with him. She had words for everything, just like her father. As much as she soothed him, she annoyed him as well. Or maybe it was because he never had anyone challenged him as much as she had, almost constantly in the sweetest and innocent ways possible. "I'm going home. I'll come back and fix the bathroom later." As Jax approached the door she gave him a little wave from it.
"Sissy, stay here." Ellie must not have known this was their normal routine because she stopped her little sister from going out the door. Even though there was no need to as she picked up her little sister and packed her to the living room.
"Alex, why don't you go play, baby. I need to talk to Ellie."
This wouldn't be an easy conversation for either one of us to have. Her because the wound was still fresh and me because I had my own old scars I still carried. "I think you need to talk to someone about your problems, honey."
"I'm fine."
"Ellie, I know you are not fine. It's been months already and you're afraid to leave the house at times. You are shutting yourself off from the world. I want to help you."
"I'm fine."
You really couldn't help someone who didn't want it or accept it. I done my best to there when she cried herself to sleep to hold her and tell her everything would be alright. I supported her choice to drop out of the semester of college because everyone stared at her face and asked her questions about what happened. I had to figure out a way to reach my daughter and get her the help she needed.
From my favorite spot, my rocking chair. I rocked through the thoughts of how I could help her. What I could do to get her past it. Until I was interrupted. "Are you okay?"
"I am but Ellie isn't. Thank you for fixing the bathroom for me." Jax done a lot around here. Actually it was what he and I communicated the most about. I knew money was slim for him. So, we exchanged his labor for rent. It worked out for the both of us.
In mid rock I made up my mind what I had to do. There always came a moment of truth as a mother. You had to choose to share your truths or not. The more a daughter knew of details of her mother's life; the stronger the daughter. Although, you had to face your child with the wrongs you had done in the past and weak moments you had. But I had to keep the faith in the long run it would some how help her. I also had to believe he was correct and she would still see me the same when I was done. Or at least not make the same mistakes I had.
"We tell them the truth. You know the damage it does to kids by not telling them, we are living proof of it. By then, it won't matter anyway. They love us for who we are, not who we were. Just like we do them."
Kyle was still a major influence in my life. His words came to me a lot, especially during the hard times I faced. I took in a couple of quick deep breaths before I told my daughter some of my failures, some of my dark secrets and some things that broke my heart to tell her about me. I shook as I knocked on her door. "Can I come in?" She nodded and went back to sit in the middle of her bed. I paced while I got out what I had to tell her.
"I had an abusive relationship. He became violent with me several times before I got out. I know the scars it leaves and how it can make you inverted from the world. Only if you allow it to. You are still young and have so much love to give others. Don't let Justin take your life away from you. You are stronger than you think you are, a lot stronger than I was back then. You stopped it the first time it happened when I didn't have the courage to."
Ellie listened intently to my story. There was one last truth I had to tell my baby girl before I ended this conversation. "I had an abortion when I became pregnant with his baby. I never told anyone else that either and have lived with what I did. Everyday I was in fear because I was afraid he would find me. Then he did..."
"Is it Jax? Is he the one who hurt you?" I could understand why Ellie would immediately jump to the conclusion as much as she hated him.
"No it..." I looked up to see him leaned against the door. "It wasn't Jax. He is the one who saved me actually. He even asked me if I went back to Charming knowing he would take care of it for me. I said no back then because maybe I wasn't mature enough to understand it all. If I had to answer the same question today. I probably did know Jax would never let the man hurt me and I probably went back to Charming for that reason." When I looked up again, Jax was gone. I confessed a lot more than I had intended too.
They say if you told the truth it would set you free, it just made me sick to my stomach. "How about some tea?"
Before I made it out of her room. Jax came back while he wiped his hands on a towel. "There are somethings you need to know about Opie and Donna. I was there the night you were born." Ellie grabbed her pillow from the bed and held it in front of her when Jax approached her. "I'll leave if you want me to."
Ellie shook her head no and Jax proceeded with caution as he should have. This would either help her understand her mom and dad more. Or send her in the other direction. Either one could be a savor or push her even farther away.
"I'll make you some tea, honey."
Although, I had reservation of leaving her alone with Jax. I also had to let her handle it on her own. She was a young woman now and this would not be the last time she had to make decisions in her life. Stand on her own and stand for what she believed in.
When I went back to deliver her some comfort in a cup. The door was closed. My first instinct, the mother part of me, was to swing the door open to make certain she was alright. But I had to keep reminding myself she was not a child anymore. Decisions came to both of us today. So, instead I knocked first and wait until she said to enter.
She didn't act upset when she opened it. But both of them had tears in their eyes though. It was obviously intense what they talked about. I set the cup down on the nightstand and left the room. I figured if she needed me she would let me know. I felt the same if she wanted Jax to leave her room, she would let him know.
For what seemed liked hours I rocked away on the front porch as Alex played. Jax finally came out of the house. "The sink works."
"Thanks." We didn't exchange anything else. There was no need to.
At least Sissy was happy and excited. She ran to Abel when he got home. He played with her and always made time for just her. He was all teenage boy until it came to his little sister. Then he was a gentle giant as big as he had grown to be. When he stood beside his father, his son had out grown him. He had out grown Jax in many different ways.
"I thought maybe you can earn some extra money. If you wanna help?" Jax had a bike project in progress. He cleaned out the garage so he could do it on the inside. It kept his mind and hands busy. It was good for him.
"No thanks." Apparently it wasn't considered to be by Abel. Once Jax tried to talk to him, Abel went in the house.
"I'll help." Alex volunteered her services immediately. It was so she could probably be close to Jax more than anything.
"You're too little, kid."
"Are you going to paint it that color?" She crinkled up her little nose in disapproval.
"You got a better idea?"
She came back from the garage with a lighter blue bottle and handed it to him. " This one."
"No."
"Why?"
"Because."
"Because why?"
"Because it is time for dinner. Come help me, Sissy."
It was easier if I ended their argument and she came inside with me. They ate all the tacos I fixed but they usually devoured them. I cleaned up the kitchen and made sure she and Thomas got cleaned up before bed time.
Once I had the kids in bed it was the loneliest time for me. The house was completely quite and it allowed my mind to wander off. I flipped through every channel and nothing captured my attention enough to captivate me.
With the blanket wrapped around my shoulders I went to my favorite place. From my rocking chair I could find some peace most of the time. The lighting bugs would make their presences known for just a few seconds before their light went out. The other bugs made those familiar sounds of summer as they sang their songs in the darkness. I watched the sky and stars. I heard a college professor say; Are we human because we gaze at the stars or do we gaze at them because we are human?
Kyle always made me think. He had been gone for years now and he still had that effect on me. Along with many other things that still touched my life. It had been a while since I was sad when I thought of him. I wiped away the tears and watched the stars dance through the sky as we had danced with happiness shared between us.
"Are you okay?" Jax startled me a little. I was off in my own world, a happy one.
"Yeah. You're up late?"
"I'm working on the bike. Come take a look at it and tell me what you think?"
It made me smile at the color Jax chose for it. "Alex will love it."
"I think I need to redo it. I can't get flames to go with this light blue. Orange looks like shit."
"How about white flames?"
Jax sort of laughed. "Flames are yellow and orange."
"Says who? Use white and the dark blue. Think outside the box Jax, throw out your date planner and live a little. I'm going to bed, goodnight."
"Goodnight."
From my chair I watched Jax from a distance work on the bike in the garage as though nothing else had ever been as important to him. It wasn't a protruding trait of his. The meticulous work he had done took a steady hand and determination to finish it. He had concentration of steel while he painted the details.
"I am working on forgiveness, Kyle." The blanket came up to my shoulders as I watched him for hours work on the bike.
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Forgiveness does not change the past but it does enlarge the future.
Paul Lewis Boese
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All the world a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts.
William Shakespeare
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(29) He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
(30) Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;
(31) but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
Isaiah 40:29-31
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Jax had tapped into another realm he was completely unfamiliar with. The yuppie biker wanna be group. They had money to burn and wanted to act the part without being held to it. For a few hours they could ride around and be a badass as a feel good. Then go home to their families as a normal man. Something he hadn't discovered yet.
"I'll take it." The bike Jax painted didn't last a week parked in front of the house with a for sale sign on it.
Even a couple of his buddies wanted Jax to do a bike for them. They were willing to pay top dollar for it. Only he scoffed at them and said no at first. To them it was just a toy to play with. For him, it was life. But the green was good, good enough he decided to take on the challenge.
Then there was another little group he was unfamiliar with also. "I told you so." The female who knew she was right and didn't mind expressing it to him. Afterwards Sissy went to play with Holly and left Jax alone.
But he was anxious to start on the next one. "Hey kid. Come here." I almost chocked on my ice tea when he asked my daughter what she thought. You had to be pretty desperate to make decisions based on a five year old. Although, I found it to be kind of endearing as well.
"I like it."
"I like it too."
Well, now he had both Alex and Holly's approval. It was actually kind of pretty. A deep charcoal gray with specks of sparkle to it. The hard part would be the dagger Jax planned to super impose on the gas tank.
Kenny actually showed Jax how to do it in layers with color contrast. I wouldn't tell Jax the truth. Kyle had taught Kenny the way to do a three dimensional tattoo, it was the same thing. It would be a secret best kept to myself. I set quietly and watch until Jax had to go.
"It's time for a bath and to get ready for bed."
It made me think back to Abel. How much he hated bath time when he was little. Now, he spent hours in the bathroom to look good for the girls. He was in shower when we went in and he would be a while.
"How about some milk and chocolate chip cookies?"
They didn't have to be asked twice either. While Alex rambled on about, well, a little of everything. Thomas was quiet and ate his cookies. Her excitement was hard for her to hide. But tonight was nothing compared to the next morning.
As we were going out the door. Her squeal scared the shit out of me. I thought something was wrong and dropped everything in my hands because of it. Only to find a pink bike with white daisies painted on it. The basket was woven white with a pink daisy in the middle.
"From the bike fairy." Was all the note said taped to the front of the basket.
"Can I ride it, Mommy?"
"You can tonight. We have to go now."
It delighted my daughter she got it but not so much she had to leave it and go. All the way to car she looked back at it. Jax was leaving for work too. When I had Alex buckled in I went to talk with him.
"Alex loves the bike. Why didn't you tell her it's from you? She adores you."
"The kid earned it. She only adores me because I haven't pissed her off yet but give it time."
"Jax." Alex's head head popped out of the window. "A fairy brought me a bike."
"Wow, it's pretty cool." He rode off after he stopped to talked with Alex.
"Maybe there is hope for you yet Mr. Teller." Jax had for once put his hate for Kyle aside to show something for his daughter. Jax had done a kind act without needing recognition for it. Or perhaps, he had already found the forgiveness in his heart I still searched for. It was something hard for me to think about let alone admit.
Of course it was the first thing my daughter wanted to do when we got home too. I bought training wheels and a helmet so she could ride safely on it.
"What are you doing?"
"I need a wrench so I can put the training wheels on."
"No." Jax took them from me and I assumed he was going to put them on for her. But it wasn't what he had in mind at all. He was going to help her learn to ride in his mind the right way from the start. I was so shocked at first, I just stood there. In complete aw he took over to help my daughter.
"Hey, put on your helmet." She didn't mind it and done it immediately. Jax just rolled his eyes at me. As her mother, I didn't want her to get hurt. I always wanted to provide the safety net so she wouldn't.
From my rocking chair I watched a far cry from the outlaw I once knew. He was never had this much patients or been as involved with his sons when they were little. I didn't know if I should be grateful for it or leery because of it.
"We gotta stop, kid. I need to go." He picked up the bike and put it on the porch for her. She bounced inside the house to tell anyone who would listen to her about what she had just done.
"Are you almost finished?"
"I've got another eight hours to go."
Jax was lucky and only got community service from the judge. He couldn't have chosen a better place to serve it than at the homeless shelter. Not that he liked it much but he done it just the same. Ellie, she got a much longer sentence from it.
Months had passed and yet she was stuck in the nightmare still. I noticed she jumped a lot with a sudden noise or with a quick movement. She did enroll to get the few credited hours she still needed.
My sweet Ellie was about to graduate and get her degree. It was hard for her to be among other people afterwards. She done it to make something of herself an couldn't be prouder of her for it. Yet, she wasn't past it enough to truly live life once again.
But I tried to let it all go and let Ellie progress as she needed to. Until I got a call from the college. A professor who saw in my daughter what I had. "I don't understand."
"We asked Ellie to speak at graduation and she declined. Since she... she had an accident she doesn't participate in our group discussions anymore. She of course will pass but her grades have fell too. It's like she here but I just can't reach her anymore." The lady chose her words carefully about my daughter. But I already knew Ellie had changed since the horrible night.
"Thank you for calling me."
It was an honor she wouldn't receive again in the future. This chapter would close in her life and leave her behind. I tried to talk it out with her and I even expressed to her how much I wanted her to do it. Along with all the reasons why. To no prevail, she shut me out.
The night before graduation, Ellie decided she would have her diploma mailed to her. She didn't even want to attend the ceremony. I decided it was time for tough love. Hours before it was time to leave. I had made my decision of how this would go down as well.
"It's time to get out of this bed and join the rest of the world. You can take all the time to heal you need to, but you can do it out of bed." The curtain hid the bright, sunny beautiful day it was. But not anymore as I pulled them back for the sun to shine on her. "I laid out your dress, cap and gown. I will be waiting for you down stairs."
While I stood over Ellie in her bed, I wanted there to be no doubt she understood every word I had to say. "I love you with all my heart. You have two choices in life. Lay down so they can run you over, let them rule your life and the way it goes. Or get up and fight until you can't anymore. Now, get up and get dressed do not make me come back up here. You won't like it if I do." This was the first time I was ever harsh with Ellie. She had always been such a good girl. She never got in to trouble or caused it.
Sure, I wasn't as effective as Gemma was at it when she had done to me many times and she would never let me quit. She would never allow me to roll over and just give up. I wouldn't let Ellie do it either. When I heard the shower start I set in the rocking chair in my room and waited patiently for my daughter to get ready.
"You look pretty." She barely gave me a smile back. All the way there she said nothing and directed her attention out the window. Even Abel couldn't cheer her up which usually he could.
We took our seats as Ellie went to join the other graduates. When they called her name to come up to the podium. It took her forever to make it there.
"I don't have a speech written. I'm only here because someone made me come. I am also here because they love me and raised me as their own child. If it weren't for my mother and my mother who raised me, I probably wouldn't have made this far." There was nothing but utter silence from Ellie now. She stared out to the crowd of people watching her in a panic. The microphone made a squall as the wind had brushed across it.
When she finally looked at me in the eyes. "Just breathe, honey. You can do this."
Ellie took in a couple of deep breaths and went back to her speech. "It has always been said behind every great man, there is a good woman. Times have changed. We don't have to be behind them or hidden behind them anymore. A woman can be anything she wants to as long as she is willing to work hard towards her goal, make sacrifices as necessary and never let anyone decide how your life goes but you..."
Eventually my daughter would be just fine and move on from the traumatic experience she had. Today, my daughter made me so proud. Maybe tomorrow she would take on the world again because I knew she would make a difference in it.
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When you are a mother, you are never alone in your thoughts.
A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and then again for her child.
Sophia Loren
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The voice of parents is the voice of gods, for to their children they are heaven's lieutenants.
William Shakespeare
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She is clothed in strength and dignity, and laughs without fear of the future.
Proverbs 31:25
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When he asked me, how far will you go to reach peace? What will you do to stop the evil? What are you willing to sacrifice for those you love? My answer to John Teller was simple.
I will do whatever it takes to make sure Abel, Thomas, Kenny, Ellie and Zach lives the right kind of life. I am nothing without the ones I love, I will give my life for theirs and never think twice about it. John only gave a brief smile before he disappeared before my eyes. It is the first time and the last time I saw my father.
It always made me feel close to Kyle when I read his notebooks, I couldn't handle doing it all the time. When I missed him the most, I took one out. Set in his rocker in absolute quiet. Then enjoyed the time I could still spend with him.
Although, I was all over the place emotionally when I done it. This one however, only left me with more questions than answers and more determined to find them than ever. I've let everything go and never pushed the issue with Jax. When I had, he ignored me or pretended he had no idea what I was talking about. Even though I knew better. Well, not today. I would take my stand with him.
With Kyle's clearly written words in my hand. I stood at the door and knocked. A quick spin or two of the ring on my finger, while I waited patently or impatiently as it really was.
"Hey."
There wasn't time for friendly greetings back to him. I went straight to the topic at hand. "What happened the night you and Kyle saw John Teller?"
"Nothing."
"Bullshit. It changed everything and you know it." I pushed the notebook into his chest and waited for an answer. I would wait as long as it took to get it.
After Jax read it. It got tossed causally down on the coffee table. He set quietly with a blank expression on his face. Lit up a smoke and just shook his head. As though he couldn't believe what Kyle had written. "Nothing happened."
"Seriously, Jax. Are you going to stick with that story? After everything I have done for you, I think you owe me that much. No, you owe Kyle that much for what he did."
Jax was the calmest I had ever seen him in a long time, almost as though he was at inner peace with himself finally. When he went towards the door and opened it for me to leave. He never raised his voice or changed the tone of it. "I did what I had to do to save my sons. I gave up every fucking thing in this life that meant anything to me. Just so you and my sons could live on. Now, get out and don't ever ask me about it or him again."
Jax never elaborated if he meant John or Kyle. But, it didn't matter. I would honor Jax's request from here forward. When you wallowed in self pity and played the blame game. You sometimes missed the pain you brought on others. What they had to sacrifice. Only this time, it all fell on me.
Until now, I was blind to what Jax had done for our children and why he set me free so easily. Kyle died a hero to save us. But, his pain ended when his life had. Jax, he lived with the pain and all the torture he was going through because of it. Even though some of it may have been self inflicted, he was still living with it.
Quietly on the front porch alone, I reflected back to the boy I once knew. The man I loved more than life itself. The tears of sorry and sorrow came as I tried to choke them back.
"Did he make you cry? What did he do?" Abel immediately jumped to the conclusion it was his father's fault. Maybe I was to blame for that too. Or maybe it was a combination of mine and Jax's actions.
"He didn't do anything. I have something to show you."
It was time to step up and take my blame in all of this. My son was old enough now to know. Perhaps, he wouldn't understand it all or he might not even forgive me for what I had done in the past. But, he needed to know the truth.
With shaken hands I laid it all out for Abel, laid it all on the line. My son was the only person I had allowed to read it or probably would ever allow to; Life of an old lady inside SAMCRO... By Tara Grace Teller.
"I'm not proud of everything I've done. It wasn't just your father who done wrong or bad things. Don't make the same mistakes I have." Then I put John Teller's journal beside mine. Along with pictures of the club members, his father with myself and his grandfather. Of course, I had to include one of the main influence I had, Gemma. I knew this day would come at some point. Now, I had to see it through.
Never had my son reminded me of Jax's so much. His hat turned around on his head. With his blonde hair poking out of it. He gathered it all up and went out the back door. I had taken the same long walk to the beach so many times myself. As his mother, I wanted to shelter my baby. But, as his mother, I had to do the right thing for him as well.
From the kitchen window, I watched Abel turn page after page. I set and pondered what emotions he had while he read it. How he would perceive it all in the end. If he would find forgiveness in his heart because I took him away from his father. If the possibility was there he would trust me like he had before.
Once we left Charming, I watched each of my children through the window. It was them playing with each other, they argued at other times. Defend one another and shown the love of a true family. Most of all, I watched them grow into the person they were today.
With all my heart, I had to believe the truth would set me free. The truth would set them free as well. My son would seek and see his own truth, in his own way. He would choose his path with all the knowledge I gave him. It was what scared me the most.
When hours passed by, I went back to the window once again. Abel was still in the same spot, doing the same thing. It was time for me own my place in his life. Find out if the outcome was good or bad from what I gave him.
The beach was my spot when I didn't want to think anymore. I spent as much time on it as possible. When I sank down in the sand beside my son. My ring spun like top as I waited for him to say something to me, anything. But, he didn't. "Are you alright?"
"I'm good." Abel never looked up from the book at me when he said it.
"Is there anything you want to ask me?"
"Yeah." I held my breath until he asked the question. I feared what it might be. "I never pictured you as an outlaw woman before. Were you and Grandma Gemma one of the first?"
With all the things Abel could have asked me, I was relived it was only this. Although to some degree, I thought my son glamorized the idea of it. But, I didn't, I didn't want that. I told him the truth and how it tore my life apart. Then came the hardest part of what I had to still confess.
"I plotted and planned our escape from your father and that kind of life behind his back. I lied to him and ran with you, Thomas, Ellie and Kenny. To some degree, I felt as though I had no choices left but to get you guys out of there. Or we would have never made it out alive. I really believe, Jax let us go in the end to save us. I also, had an affair with Kyle while I was still married to your father. I'm not proud of how it all went down but, I'm not sorry either."
The cute Teller smirk crossed his face. "Mom, I never believed Sissy came from the stork. I remember a lot about when we left. How you cried almost all the time before we could get out. The constant turmoil we lived in with him before we finally got out. Kyle always treated me like I was his own kid. You did what you had to do and you did it for us."
"There's more I need to tell you. I..." The brief pause I took, to collect my thoughts of how to explain it to my son. I'm surprised my finger was intact as much as I played with my ring.
"You're my mom and have always been there for me. It's all I need to know."
Abel and I set in silence to watch the calm waves wash up on the sand. They washed the sand clean. Today, washed some of my soul cleaner too. It hurt to hear my son remembered all the heartache from when he was a child. It also gave me hope, he would never want anything to do with that kind of life.
When I heard all my son remembered about when he was young, it tore my heart out. If I had left Charming sooner, I could have spared him the heartache he has held on to all these years.
It wasn't long until the rest of my babies came to join us. Of course, it was dinner time and they were probably hungry. "How about we grill some burgers out here?"
The few shade trees in the back of the house, offered refuge from the sunny days. I put a couple of picnic tables, lawn chairs and a grill beneath them. We used it frequently as a family.
Everyone helped carry the food and the miscellaneous items we needed to have a good meal. It made me happy Abel stayed by my side while I prepped everything. Before he went to throw the football with Kenny and Thomas, I got his attention.
"Don't make the same mistakes I have. My dad passed away and we hadn't spoke in years. I'm not even sure he knew how much I loved him. Your father is still here and all the time you have is now. Don't waste it." The wise words Thomas had once told me, I passed on to his nephew.
While the boys played, we girls got the food ready. I got busy and hadn't noticed my son had disappeared. "Kenny, where is Abel?"
"He went to ask Jax to come eat with us."
Everything was already on the table waiting on them. But they never came. I went to get them for dinner. As I came close to the guest house. I heard yelling coming from it.
"Don't put this off on Kyle. You weren't around way before he came along. You don't think I remember waiting up to see if you came home. All those nights I wondered why you didn't love us enough to be there. You put it all on Mom to raise us and take care of us."
"Abel, I tried to do the right thing."
"I'm done with this shit." Abel breezed out the door just before I got to it.
"Abel." Jax was meet by me instead of his son outside.
"He remembers everything, Jax. All the kidnappings, going to Mexico with Cody. Us being locked in a room. Kyle getting killed to save his life. Those wounds will not go away overnight. No matter what you feel you sacrificed already. We all make sacrifices for those we love. Love forgives a multitude of sin. Don't give up on your son."
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The greatest sacrifice is when you sacrifice your own happiness for someone else.
Anonymous
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Love is a sacrifice.
William Shakespeare
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For even the Son of Man did not come to be served. But to serve and give his life as a ransom for many.
Mark 10:45
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I hope you enjoyed reading me!
I plan to post a one shot of Jax and Tara after I finish this one. It will be a sweet and short love story of just them. It's for a reader who loves them together and I promised I would.
Also, in the last set of chapters posted. Did you notice how much of a switch in roles Tara and Jax had? She was the one in total control of his future and she didn't care what he thought about it. She made him the same type of promise, one they both knew was a blatant lie. She made him take pills in front of her as she had to if she wanted to be around the kids.
Keep this in mind as you read on...
Please forward to the next chapter...