Chapter 50

Angels and Outlaws

Part 14 of 16

Chapters 49, 50 and 51 have been posted. Make sure to read them all.

Games were what children played in their youth and innocents. To them is was fun and freeing. But some games were life threatening or even ended yours. We should have learned from our history some lessons. But we could deceive ourselves when we selectively took evidence of the past to justify what we had already made up our mines must be done.

There was one clear lesson which history taught us repeatedly. Society continued to show us the same thing over and over. If we allowed ourselves to have aggressive conduct outside of the laws of humanity, if it was allowed to go unchecked, unbalanced and unchallenged, it ultimately led to war. It could be a war of the mind, the heart or to just survive. Hell, trust was a dangerous game and love could be war.

"Make the call."

"What if this doesn't work? What if this doesn't make Rio surface?" Since we invaded the senator. Rio had went underground. A lot people also wanted us dead too including him.

"Rio won't know why the cops are looking for him. Make the call, Tara."

The card was grasped firmly in my hand when I dialed the number. "Agent Turner, this Tara Brandon. You said if I had any problems I could call you. I think I am being stalked..." By the time I hung up I had convinced the agent Rio was a threat to me just like instructed to by Jax. Not the actually threat Rio was but one we created as part of the plan. "Agent Turner said he will personally address the issue with Rio."

"Manipulation is your greatest power. You control the narrative, you control the game..." Jax continued on with his outlaw speech to us, the play book we would follow. But he had lost my attention because I thought back when I allowed narrative over me he manipulated. In essence I gave him more power and never even realized it until now.

"Son of a bitch."

"What, Tara?"

"Nothing. You were saying."

It set the cat and mouse game in motion. Unfortunately, I was the exposed mouse caught in the trap already just waiting for the cat to show up. Jax gave me his word nothing would happen to me on his watch. I believed him too. Except, there was something I thought about all day that I couldn't shake from my mind.

Nicole went to get food while we watched her from across the street. Jax lit up a smoke and paced around the statues of angels. They had a calming effect on me though. This became my happy place to run to when I could find no inner peace. Except, this conversation we were about to have wasn't going to remain calm.

"How many times have you manipulated me into your way of thinking, Jax?"

"Look, Tara. That shit is in the past. I'm trying to be a better person now. Doesn't that count for something?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

Jax continued his rings around the angels with a dropped head, deep in thought. He finally shook it a few times before he set down beside me. "I have manipulated you before. Until you got better at the game than I was. I did it for reasons you will probably never understand. You done it to leave me and take my sons away from me. Even though I knew at some point, you would get tired of my shit and go, I lied to myself and kept doing it. It's part of the reason I let you go to be with a man who didn't have to manipulate you to love him or want to be with him. You are the only person who ever saw what I really am, how evil I am and how vulnerable I am. You are my ride or die since I was sixteen, I've loved you. There has never been nor will be another woman in my life I will ever love more than I do you."

We were selfish creatures by nature. There was always a part of us which was self seeking. Even though all this shit, there were apparent lessons I hadn't learned yet. I started this with Jax and he truly didn't deserve it. It was my own insecurities coming to the surface. I wasn't the weak, meek woman I once was. Maybe we all resorted to an old playbook occasionally.

"What's wrong with him?" Nicole brought back the food. I could have went in to what I had done because of what Jax had done to me in the past. Although, it resolved nothing to tit for tat.

So, I sucked it up and went to apologize for my actions. The food was a peace offering and I waited to see if he accepted it. "I'm sorry. You didn't deserve that Jax. So I won't spend time making excuses for it." We set together quietly and ate our dinner. "Ride or die."

"Ride or die."

Those words were tied to many actions and emotions. But nothing like I thought it would play out. It was funny how we mapped out our perfect life before it all exploded in your face. You rocked on from there and just hoped for the best.

"Here is your mask."

"It's fucking pink."

"It's all I have. Besides pink is sexy." Jax gave Nicole the look when she said it. "I'm just saying."

"Great, I'm working with criminal soccer moms. This shit is out there."

Nicole slammed on the brakes of her mini van to address Jax's comment. "First of all, Holly does ballet and she is very good at it. Secondly, I am a lot tougher than I look. Not to mention I put my family's well being in jeopardy to save your son. Show a little respect." Then she went back to being a happy woman humming along with the radio.

"Fair enough." I thought at one point Jax was having a conversation with himself in the back seat because she continued to sing along to the radio.

Jax protested the next step but even he knew it was necessary. We were going back to the same grocery store to commit another crime. Only this time we weren't making a withdrawal, we were making a deposit. No one would expect us to rob the same place twice.

Jax immediately had his input into our plan. "Because it's stupid to rob the same place twice. If we do this, we will get caught." Nicole reached over and turned up the radio a little louder. "You're making a mistake." Jax expressed his opinion numerous times.

However, this was where I had to step up and take control of my destiny no matter how much risk was involved. "Are you with us?"

"Fucking soccer moms. Yeah, I'm in."

"Then put on the pink mask."

If we looked unified they could never pin it down Jax being a male. He was not to speak at all and Nicole brought along some aids to help out. "Put the bra on and shove these inside it."

"No." Jax drew the line of fakes tits made out of oranges. "I'll be at the back door. On my call we go on three."

"Do we go on three or when you say two then go?"

His pink glove rubbed over his pink mask. "You are killing me, Nicole." Jax went around the back to get in place.

"I'm just saying. Jax seems sort of bitchy tonight."

We waited at the side of the grocery store before we made our grand entrance. The cellphone rang and the masks went down over our faces. I flipped it open on speaker so we both could hear him. "One. Two. This is when you go Nicole."

It was definitely familiar when we went through the double doors. Nicole hopped up on the check out counter and stood tall. "This is a robbery. If you corporate, nobody gets hurt." She got better at this.

Then it was my turn. We didn't vary from the same routine as last time. Only when I went to get the surveillance recording, there was nothing there. The whole damn system was gone. "Oh shit." This time I had a real gun, Jax insisted we carried it just in case. Like it was going to matter on a prison sentence now with all we had done already.

"Who is the manager?" The guy from last time was nowhere in sight. "I'm not going to ask again." The girl behind the counter was slipping away from her area. She wasn't much older than my children. "It's you, isn't it?" She nodded slowly and began to cry. "I don't want to hurt you. Just give me the keys to the safe and tell me the code. Where is the surveillance system at?"

Her hands shook as she handed me the key and told me the code. "There...there isn't surveillance. It's a live feed." She pointed up to the cameras above.

"Oh shit." There wasn't time to even think. It was get it the fuck done and get out of here as quickly as possible. "Watch them." I left Nicole to keep our hostages in control. The envelope came out of my black sweatshirt. I took the sharpie cap off with my teeth. I wrote Agent Turners name on it. Then threw the pen back on the desk.

Before I began on the safe I checked my watch. I was in that motherfucker and left the envelope for the agent in record time. "I think I am getting better at this too."

Nicole and Jax was shoving me back in the managers office. "What are doing? I already delivered the package." Jax wasn't even suppose to enter the store. He was to keep watch in the back to make sure we made it out of here.

"We got a problem. They beefed up security. I told you this was a bad idea to rob the same place twice." Jax's back was pushed up on the door. The dogs were jumping on it. Nicole and I moved the desk over there so he could move away.

"There is no damn way outta here. Not even a window."

"There is another problem too you should know about."

"Is there really?"

"Their security system is live feed."

"Jesus Christ." Jax dumped out the desk. Nicole and I stayed the hell out of his way. He stuck a business card in his pocket. "We will deal with it if we don't go to jail tonight."

"I have a plan. All I have to do is make it to the meat counter to distract the dogs."

"They will tear you a part before you get there."

"Not if I go high."

"Go high?" I was as inquisitive by what she meant as Jax was.

Nicole dropped to the floor and appeared to be stretching out her legs. "If I stay on top of the shelves, the dogs can't get to me."

"You'll never make it." Jax was as skeptical of the the plan as I was.

"Do you have another idea? The cops are going to be here in a few minutes."

Really there weren't anymore options left. If we stayed captive by the dogs in the manager's office, we went to jail. If Nicole didn't make it, we went to jail. We were dead if, we went jail. Rio would finish the job he started.

It was simple we made a path for Nicole to make it to the shelf. Or at least it sounded that way before we started. It was surprising they didn't attack us while we distracted them. The dogs immediately went after her because no one got past them on their watch.

From the crack in the door we watched Nicole spring from shelf to shelf. She was poetry in motion. "Twenty years of ballet, baby." Only she shouldn't have celebrated just yet. The domino effect had begun. Shelf after shelf toppled over. We saw a pink hand give the thumbs up. She rode those shelves like a trooper to the meat counter.

We had robbed this store, we had returned to rob it again in appearance and we completely had destroyed it without an effort. We could add vandalism to our criminal resume. "Go." Nicole threw roast, steaks and other various meats to the dogs. It should have made a clear pathway for our escape.

But, it didn't. The backdoor swung open and they were here to stop the robbery. The fucked up security they hired was three unskilled guys and their damn dogs. They were dressed in camouflage and I could already tell this was not going to end well.

The Dobermans were only doing what humans had trained them to do. They acted the way their master expected them to or else they were punished into submission. In a lot of ways old ladies were treated the same way and they were trained well too. You had to come to the outlaw way of thinking. You had to remain submissive to their demands. Most of all, you were punished if you disappointed them by not meeting their expectations. Today, lets just say, I would have made even Gemma proud.

"Look out." When I seen his knife come out. They fully intended to make certain none of us got past their security detail.

There were only three things within my reach; toilet paper, pretzels and peas scattered on the floor. My son hated peas and the can was my weapon of choice. I beat the man in the head until the can was dented and he let go of Jax. One on one Jax could hold his own and probably with the two guys as well. Now it was a fairer fight.

When the man turned to me, the knife cut through my shoulder like butter. I felt the sting of the blade immediately. It surged down to my toes. People were afraid of it and the realities they must face because of it. In essence we feared the pain, ourselves and the feeling which we couldn't control. Because I lost all of my composer and self control.

The can repeatedly went to the side of his face and didn't stop when he hit the floor either. "Lets go." It wasn't until Jax pulled me off of him had I realized what I had actually done. As I stood over him I was stunned. "Move."

With Jax's assistance I made it to the van, that much I was certain of. Their caws were ringing out loud and clearly. The wind blew the leaves around and was clearly there too. As I searched for them out the window of the car, they remained hidden from me. The harder I looked the more conflicted, confused and disorientated I became. When Nicole slowed down for a stop light. The street lamps shined back at me. The reflection I seen was an altered self image.

The just like that, I snapped out it. "Oh my god, the knife has my blood on it."

"You mean this knife." At some point Jax had picked it up in the middle of the chaos. "This ain't my first crime, babe." When he touched my shoulder I winched a bit. The numb state had worn off on the cut. He slipped off his sweatshirt and ripped a piece of his shirt which he used as a bandage. The shirt wrapped around my arm tightly would help with the bleeding until I could stitch it up.

Only it would be awhile before I worried about my wound. There were bigger issued to be addressed at the moment. Like making damn sure the cops never got the security footage at the grocery store of our crime.

"Are you sure this is it?" Nicole questioned Jax as she parked the van in front of a house.

"It's what the business card says."

When you were a criminal, a liar. You had to commit more illegal acts to coverup the unlawful ones you had already done. The lies just piled up around you until you were drowned in them. It was amazing how delusional you had became to carry out the next step.

"We can't let them see our faces. We have to take it by force and do whatever the fuck we have to do to get it." Maybe Jax wanted to prepare us for what would happen once we broke into the house. Or maybe I knew in my heart the causalities of my sins. He basically said we would kill if necessary.

Once again because of me, more innocent people got involved. It was almost certain they would get hurt too. More families would suffer losses of loved ones, more children would suffer without their parents. It was a vicious circle I was the middle of.

"Tara. Keep your head in it."

"Yeah. I'm ready."

But really I wasn't ready. What I had done to Rio felt totally different. He was corrupt and evil. However, this person, didn't deserve what was about to transpire. When the pink mask went down over my face, I had a job to carry out no matter what happened and that was exactly what I done.

"Eat that bitches." A grown man in his tighty whities and black socks was on the couch playing a video game when we barged in. "I don't have any cash in the house." Once he realized were watching him, he dropped the controller.

"I don't want money. I'm looking for your security surveillance."

"Are you a dude?" The man was trying Jax's patients when he started laughing. "Nice pink mask and matching gloves."

He stopped laughing immediately when Jax put the gun to his head. "Where is it?"

"It's at my shop."

Kidnapping got added to the very long list of criminal actives we engaged in tonight. Nicole held the bra in place around his head to cover his eyes while Jax duct taped it on. "He don't got any hair, he'll be fine when he rips it off." Then tape was ran around his wrist as a precaution.

This was one annoying mother fucker, even I agreed he was. "You guys suck at this. Hey, wait a minute. You two robbed the grocery store a few months ago. The two chicks with pink mask."

"Shut the fuck up." Jax shoved an orange in his mouth and taped it too.

Only when we arrived at the destination, it was another innocent person which got involved. "Timmy, is that you?"

"Who is that?" Jax tape took out the orange when he ripped the tape off the guy's mouth.

"My mother." He answered Jax's question before he yelled up the basement stairs. " Yeah, Ma, it's me."

His operation was ran out of his mother's basement. It was no more than a desk with a shit load of computer equipment on it. The rest of the area was years worth of keepsakes and clutter. The musty smell indicated no one ever came down here much but him.

"Don't shove. I have to get it off the computer."

Jax patient's was getting short. When he put the silencer on the end of his gun, the end was near. "Is this the only surveillance you got?"

"Please don't kill me. I gave you what you wanted."

There was a look of determination on Jax's face. I dropped my head to divert my eyes from what came next. "You son of a bitch." Quickly my head shot up to see why the guy was cussing. Jax had shot up his computer system. It was now worthless to him and the cops.

"Box it up."

"No." The guy got loud about it.

"Now."

A knock came at the door from the top of the stairs. "Is everything alright down there?"

"Get rid of her or you won't like what comes next." It was the only warning he would get from Jax.

"Everything is fine Ma."

"I'm going to bed. Lock up when you leave."

"I will."

He started the process of what Jax had asked. The disassembly of his computers. With one movement, the game had changed. It shifted to a different player in control. The laptop he went to put in the box made direct contact with Jax's chin. But it was just the beginning of the struggle for us.

In the fight, Jax's mask had came off. When he pinned the guy to the table a paper weight ended the fight. Nicole done what I had already thought of. She brought her gun up and I believe by the look on her face, she would have shot him too.

"No. His mother will call the cops."

So we allowed the man to run out the basement door in his undies, socks and now torn t-shirt we threw on him to leave his house. Nicole went after him while I tried to help Jax. He only had a small cut but he would be bruised up tomorrow. "I'm alright. Grab that shit." As he ran out the door he gave the direction. Quickly as I could I yanked the rest of it a part and threw it in the box.

When I made it back to the van, none of them were in sight. "Shit."

Nicole was out of breath when she jumped in the passenger seat. "Jax passed me chasing him down."

We followed the same route in hopes with catching up with them. "There he is."

When Nicole spotted the guy, I slammed on the brakes and threw it in reverse. When you were blind to what was behind you, you were still blinded by what was up ahead as well. The large thud came and I knew I had hit one of them. We both turned around in our seats to look. "Oh shit."

Before I got my seat belt undone, a bang came on the window. "Pop the hatch."

Well, it wasn't Jax I had hit. But I had ran over the guy. We didn't have to touch the dead body because it got handled and fast. Hell, we were so fucked up Jax wouldn't even let us drive. Once again we found ourselves back at the same lake we ditched the stolen car at. Only we were off the beaten path in a very wooded area. He didn't stop until we couldn't go any farther.

"What are you going to do with him?"

"It doesn't matter."

"I'm sorry, Jax. This isn't on you to deal with. It's my fault."

"He saw my face, he couldn't be left alive. It would have went down just like this even if you hadn't hit him."

It should have eased my guilt to know he would have died no matter what. This was his destined ending. However, it didn't. Everyone was guilty of the harm they caused others. Everyone was guilty of the viscous intents we inflicted. Everyone was guilty of the good things we could of done but never had.

"How's your arm, girlfriend?"

The flames burned high off in the distance. I knew what Jax had done to him and where now even. "I am better than he is."

Once Jax came back for the box of computer equipment. This part of the nightmare tonight would be over with. The longer I watched the flames and smoke dance around in the sky. It made me come to the revelation; everything burned you just had to know what kind of fire to set it a blaze with.

"This should be good for the night." We got the hell away from the lake. This was a random spot Jax parked us in. It was away from any houses or prying eyes and the trees offered a shelter from anyone seeing us.

Since this was home for the night, I got out my medical bag. I cleaned up Jax's face. When I went to put liquid stitches on his cut, he declined. He used to wear his battered face as a badge of honor when he was still in the club. Now, I felt, he wanted to feel the pain as if he deserved it.

It was time to care for myself. The blood had stuck the shirt to my skin. I yanked it off like a band aid when I took it off. Nicole and Jax were here but I didn't care if I was just in my bra. She was a girl and he had seen it many times before.

With the gauze I could reach it to somewhat clean it up but there was no way I could put stitches in it. "I need one of you to do this."

"Don't look at me, girlfriend."

Jax searched through his backpack for his glasses. He only used them when painted bikes because of the detailing. He claimed it was the only use they had. I felt it was vanity issue of age. He adjusted the gold rims to fit his face. I gave him a pair of gloves and the threaded needle. There was nothing like getting stitched up by dome light in the back of a van.

The hot breath Jax let out was felt on the back of my neck as I moved my hair out of the way. "I don't know what I'm doing." His hands shook as he aimed the needle at my wound.

Unless I got him to gain control and get this done, I was going to be in trouble soon. The blood ran down my back as much as I was bleeding once I took the pressure off of it. "It doesn't matter what it looks like as long as it stops the bleeding. I have faith in you, Jax. You can do this."

As much as I wanted to scream out when the needle pierced the skin, I held it in. I turned my focus on the pain I felt when I lost Kyle. This was a piece of cake to get through. Anytime Jax stopped, I encouraged him to continue. "You're doing great."

"This looks like shit. You'll probably scar and..."

"I have many scars and it doesn't matter."

"I'm sorry for the ones I've caused." With a quick snip with the scissors by Jax. This part of the pain was over for me.

"I know." Maybe I said it as much for me as he needed to hear it too.

"You were one hell of an old lady tonight, bad ass. You would have made Gemma proud." This was the only time I had heard him mention his mother. In the outlaw world this was a huge accomplishment. To out do the queen herself.

"Jesus Christ. I completely lost it tonight. I beat a man with a can of peas."

"You done what you had to do to survive. Plus you saved me tonight because you did."

"Sure, Jax. No different than normal. Poor little Tara can't take care of herself and you had to save me. If it weren't for you...I'd already be dead."

"I didn't think it was possible to fall in love with two different people who are the same person. I loved the person you used to be. But the person you are now, wow. You are an old lady of every man's dream. You saved me tonight. You've saved me in a lot of ways." Jax slid his hand into my hair slowly, which ended with the palm of it coming down to my cheek. For his fingers to linger at the outline of jaw.

"Why do I feel like I shouldn't be watching this? I'm going to sleep now." The van moved a little when Nicole flounced around in the front seat.

Jax cleared his throat then cleaned up the blood from the van as much as we possibly could. We would have to bleach it all down tomorrow.

"We should probably get some sleep too. Goodnight, Tara."

"Goodnight, Jax."

"Goodnight, Jax."

"Goodnight, Nicole."

"Goodnight, Nicole."

"Goodnight, girlfriend."

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Is that old lady enough for you?

Tara Knowles

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These violent delights have violent ends.

And in their triumph die like fire. As they kiss consumes them.

William Shakespeare

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Do not forsake wisdom and she will protect you; love her, and she will watch over you.

Proverbs 4:6

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There was a story behind everything, every single aspect of our life. How a picture got on a wall, why it was captured in time. How a scar got on your body, how much pain it caused. Sometimes the stories were short and simple and sometimes they were hard and heartbreaking. But behind all your stories was a mother's story, because hers was where yours began. From the moment she held you in her arms. This was a major part of mine.

When I was around Jax, life moved and changed so rapidly at times I couldn't keep up. You would live a year in a month of time. This wasn't his problem yet I still felt that way. I had committed a murder and so many crimes, I lost track of it all. Maybe it sneaked up on you without a warning because one only led to another. Maybe you become immune to it. Or maybe, as I looked at him, it just became your way of life until it was considered normal.

After we douched down the van with bleach and tossed all of clothing we wore in a pile on our crime spree along with the rags we used to clean up the evidence. I lit the fire. The fire inside me was a burning inferno with no way to put it out now. Maybe the only reason I had survived this long was because the fire inside me was brighter of a light than the one about to capture and burn into my soul. I had no damn idea how hot it was about to get though.

"Are you doing okay?" Jax had a smoke in his mouth when he joined me.

"I'm fine."

"You guys have to see this."

Nicole brought over her phone. I wasn't certain if I should rejoice or remain silent to soak it in. Rio had been indited overnight on charges of money laundering, conspiracy and so many other crimes he had committed. Agent Turner led the charge along with the FBI to arrest him. Our plan had worked and the gift I left for the agent at the grocery store was put to good use.

"We gotta go."

We followed after Jax like we had throughout this ordeal. Sure, we had to roll the windows down because the smell of bleach was so strong it made our eyes burn. But honestly, none of us cared as long as Rio's ass was locked up.

From the crowd around the courthouse steps we watched the parade of police, FBI agents and one fucking arrested asshole in chains get ready for his day in court. Rio wore a orange jumpsuit and a bullet proof vest as he was escorted inside.

"I'm glad we didn't get arrested, orange makes my skin look terrible." Jax and I had the same expression to what Nicole had said. "I'm just saying. It's also nice I won't be someone's bitch in prison."

Jax sort of smiled and shook his head at her. "Do do you got a prepay on you? There is one more thing we gotta do."

It was a silly question. I had a bunch of them with me. I gave it to Jax so he could deal with our last problem, the senator. "Do not say anything." He looked between us both to make certain we understood. "That means you, Nicole." He dialed up the senator's office and waited to be connected. "Tell him Mr. Bond needs to talk to him."

The senator was concerned he was next to go to jail and yet still pissed because of Rio. But an agreement was reached between them. "I don't got a beef with you. I'll return it in exchange for you leaving my family alone. You will get all the cash too but if you cross me, I'll fucking kill you myself. You'll get another call from me tomorrow night. Think clearly and don't do anything stupid or you will end up in the cell next to your kid." As soon Jax said what he needed to he hung up and broke the phone in half. Then tossed it in a garage can on our way back to the van.

"So, that's it?"

"For now. The senator isn't a gang banger. He doesn't ever do his own dirty work. He's too afraid right now we will turn over the shit over to the cops. We're good until we make the exchange. That's when we gotta worry. We get cleaned up and get a good nights sleep. Tomorrow will be a big one."

From there we went home. A place I hadn't felt at ease or safe in for awhile. Nicole went home too. She was going to get all decked out for David. Along with fixing him a nice dinner and try to repair the rift in their relationship. But Jax had cautioned her to not take any chances and be on guard. I hated to tell him Rio couldn't do half the damage David could inflict on her.

After I showered I threw on my robe. My shoulder felt stiff, achy and semi swollen. "Jax, will you clean it and put this on it, please." I swallowed down some antibiotics and sipped some water while I waited on him. I lowered the robe off my shoulder so I would still be covered in other areas.

As his lips blew on the wound to take away the pain before it went numb, his eyes never strayed from mine. Finally, I looked away from him, away from the past which still haunted me on occasion. But when my head came back around to him, he was fixed on me still. There was a ton of tension in the air. I tried to soothe it down a bit. "Thank you for doing this." He only gave me a smile and nothing else.

Jax was so close to me I felt his warm breath invade me, it smelled of clean spice. It stroked my cheek and ear in unison like a phantom touch as it became more ragged and strong deeper breaths. A thrilling shiver coursed over me, the wound on my shoulder only seemed like a minor sting and meaningless at the moment. It was then covered with a bandage for protection. "You're all done."

He was wrong, I wasn't done for yet. But hell, I was half way there. The longer his eyes gazed in to mine, it was a question of which one of us would break first. Then his lips, those sexy wet lips, grazed my jaw at first then moved on to the sweet spot behind my ear. The hairs of his beard brushed against the sensitive skin, a tantalizing tingle of heat shot down below. It was a feeling I hadn't experienced for a long while either.

It was just a small kiss. Nothing of any significant but led to us devouring each other's lips. Until I forced myself and broke away from Jax. My heart pounded at the taste of his abandonment from my body. It was so easy for me to have laid down, surrendered to him as I always had. With my arms out wide to welcome him and my legs spread to mimic games of our teenage years. But I wasn't a girl anymore innocent to the ways of the world.

Yet, I was still a woman with needs. So why should I deny myself of this primal and raw passion we shared. Jax and I had had always came together in a closer manner when chaos circled us. The more chaotic our lives were, the more passion we felt for each other.

There had to be common ground between us though, a safe path we both could take and still be happy with it. If he followed after me, it was the path we were both meant to be on. If he didn't, well, it just wasn't meant to be. As I opened the front door, I hesitated slightly. Once I crossed over the line, there was no going back from it. There would be no regrets come tomorrow no matter the decisions made.

The chilly air caught my attention. The coat of thin sweat made something else stir inside me as it blew under my robe. The goose bumps formed on my legs were not in response to the night air, but an indicator of my sexual awareness, my sexual desires coming to the surface. The awareness of how he used to please and pleasure my body before. It was area we never lacked anything in.

When my feet hit the sand I arrived at my destination. I waited to see if it was a place we would both have happy bliss at. The waves gently lapped up to my feet when I seen the outline of his body in the moonlight not far behind. He followed me here, I would allow him lead me at some point.

Once he reached the beach, we looked at each other with a knowing of the things that were to come. We weren't children anymore or young even. There was no sense in pretending, we both knew what we wanted and needed from the other. We could put the past aside. Not feel the pain or sorrows we created by our actions of hurt for a couple of hours.

Jax must have felt it too because there was no need for a conversation or an explanation. There was no need for a commitment or love to be involved. There was no need for us to play games of our past. We were adults and wanted comfort of what this could bring us.

The humidity in the air combined with the humidity between my legs as my own heat emanated from its black silk wrapping. Jax unwrapped what stood before him like it was a present with a quick pull of the belt which held my naked body underneath it. I remembered letting out a little moan as his hand slid upward along the top of my inner thigh then up to my stomach. A sight smirk of pleasure crossed his face, which radiated in the light reflection the night gave. He waited for a reaction from me, any reaction. But he wasn't going to get it. Not yet anyway.

Jax requested another password to enter from the result of his hand pinching the extremely sensitive skin of my inner thigh. His request for permission for me to open up was denied but I didn't tell him to stop it either. He must have felt the heat radiate from the silk his hand danced around as he was only inches from my furnace. It was burning hotter for him than I had in so many years.

He dragged his lips up the soft skin of on my neck and gently nipped at my ear lobe, sipping on the soft flesh. He drank in what he needed from me, I would take what I needed from him. That moment came quickly also.

The robe came off as it hung from my shoulders and the gloves of the girl he once knew had too. He was guided to where I craved those lips of his to be at. I wouldn't let him linger at my breast for long. There was another burning matter which needed to be extinguished.

The yearning only built as this man was on his knees before me in the sand to quench my thirst. When his tongue darted in and out of me, my head was thrown back without a care except to get more of it. My fingers ran through his hair while he stepped up the pace of my orgasm. With one long slow lick, he enjoyed the fruit of his labor.

Usually, after I came the first time, I was close to being satisfied. Only now, my clit begged for more. The hammering pulse it ached with had to subside. With Jax's back pushed down in the sand. I rode his tongue while I sucked his cock as hard as my mouth would permit. I knew he was close because his hard dick fucked my mouth back. But I was far from being done yet.

We rolled around with him on top of me, me on top of him in the grainy sand. It was wet and stuck to our bodies. My pussy was wet and had a grip on his cock that wouldn't let go. This time Jax couldn't stop the roaring frenzy he had built up. His release came hard as he had his sweet discharge of cum inside me.

When he wanted to turn this to a tender moment, I let him lead me. We kissed and touched for what seemed liked hours afterwards. It eventually led to another fuck session. This time a little slower and not so needy on our part.

"The moon is really bright tonight."

"It's one of my favorite places to come to."

Jax sort of chuckled before he said anything. "Well, it's my favorite place now too."

Jax extended his hand to help me up. I put my robe on and wrapped it close to my body. He put on his boxer briefs and carried his shorts back to the house. Needless to say we were a mess. I went to take another shower to be joined by a guest.

"I thought you might need some help."

However, I did truly enjoy the kind of help he offered. With my breast pinned next to the cold glass, my arms held tightly in his hands as he took me from behind. They rubbed the water around in a motion of his thrust until my nipples were once again erect, they felt as though they could burst through my skin from excitement.

For the hot water I stood under to make them softer like the rest of my body. Jax got out and wrapped a towel around his waist. I stayed longer to wash my hair another time to get the sand out of it. It was comforting for the air to blow on me when I made my way to the bedroom.

"Is this okay?" Jax set quietly on the edge of the bed. He waited for permission to stay. Or maybe he needed validation we were good.

"Yeah." We pulled back the covers and climbed in. While I laid in his arms, he drifted off to sleep. I was still wide awake.

The only glow of the room was the alarm clock. In a couple of hours it would be time to start a brand new day. It was time for me to take my life back. It was time for my children to come home.

As always the dreaded morning came around. I promised myself I would harbor no regrets and no guilty from last night. Except, when I woke to the buzzer warning it was time to get up, I failed to keep my promise.

My feet swung off the bed down to the carpet. Jax was still out and I tried to not wake him when I slipped off the bed. I flipped on the light switch in the bathroom and saw the messy hairdo I had because I went to sleep on it wet.

The shower was where I went to next. Sometimes it wasn't as easy to just wash it away. The gold circle on my finger shined in the water and soap. It was glaring at me. It done the same when I combed my hair. The shiny reflection caught the light when I brought my hand up.

Of course, I done the normal. Spun it around on my finger until I knew what the right thing was. What had to be done. I pulled on it. I stopped at my knuckle grasped it in my other hand. With a few deep breaths of courage, I finished it. The ring came off my finger. It was added to the necklace of the small gold cross I wore around my neck. It couldn't stay there forever either. But it was a start.

After I got dressed I tucked the necklace under my shirt for no else to know it was there except myself. I needed a gallon of coffee to begin the day. However, it had a certain allure to it. This would start a brand new chapter of my life. Everything would finally get back to normal for a change around here. It was the one thing I fought so hard for over the years for; to have a normal happy life.

The first hot cup went down smoothly, I decided to pour myself another one. When I turned around Jax was leaned back against the counter. "Want some coffee?"

"I should go."

The moment was a little awkward between us. Neither one of us were certain what should be done or said. If actually anything at all. So, I done what I felt was needed. "Jax."

"Yeah."

"This doesn't change anything."

"I know it doesn't. I gotta go get ready for work." He carried his shirt in his hand out the back door to the guest house and never looked back across the yard. With a cup of coffee in hand, I watched him out of the kitchen window make his way there.

This would be a new beginning for the both of us to have a normal and happy life. In reality, I no longer held a grudge against Jax for the past. I just wasn't sure where we would go from here nor made any plans to take a step in that direction. But a smile glowed back at me from the reflection in the window. My children would come home and they would be safe. It was what I was grateful for and would stay focused on.

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Is there anything you love so much, you'd protect it, no matter the cost; the damage it done to you?

Jax Teller

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Yes, a child.

Tara Knowles

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Love cannot be found where it does not exist. Nor can it be hidden where it truly does.

William Shakespeare

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And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Corinthians 13:13

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Nobody could bring you peace or happiness to you except yourself. The more I smiled on my way to work, the sweet tranquil feeling washed over me. When the love of power was over took by the power of love, you had truly succeeded in life and held something special.

It wasn't certain if Jax and I could ever patch up the hard times we had in the years we experienced. But something inside me felt he would finally find peace now and he would become a successful kind man. With the kids coming home, I wanted them to have a relationship with him. Even if I had to push the issue with my children. Peace and love couldn't be forced upon anyone. However, a mother's hand could help the situation. "A mother's work is never done."

The humming noise I made along with the radio filled the car as I drove. Happiness was clearly displayed on my face. Most of all, love warmed my heart. I had no ill feelings, no hate in my world. After I existed the vehicle, my lungs filled in deeply with the smell of freedom. It was time to start this beautiful day, get myself back to a normal routine. Get myself back to where I once was.

In the back lot behind the office was a tree with flowers which Sissy and I had planted around it. I couldn't help but to stare at their marvel, their beauty. I picked a few to have on my desk. It would brighten up my office.

"Good morning, Dr. Knowles."

"Good morning. It is a beautiful day."

It seemed so long ago I had been here and done what I loved, healed ill people. Although, when I put on my fresh lab coat and looked in the bathroom mirror. All was right with my world no matter how hard I had to work today.

"Here is your list of patients. It will be a long day."

"Yeah it will be and it will be great."

"Dr. Knowles, did you hear what I said? You have double patient appointments and Ellie is gone. You will be lucky if you get lunch today."

"Yeah." With a large stack of patient charts in hand I prepared for the grueling day with a huge smile on my face.

Before I knew it, half the day was over and I still had a massive amount of patients to see. As I went to close the door to examine my next patient, I got interrupted. "Dr. Knowles."

"I'm with a patient right now."

"I wouldn't have bothered you, but, someone named Nicole has called a few time. She says it's urgent."

"Excuse me, please. I will be right back."

The best place was my office to take this call. Only no one was there when I answered it. My cell was plugged in the charger because the battery was dead when I arrived. So I checked it to see if she left me a message. When the phone powered up, I had numerous phone calls and texts from both Nicole and Jax. After I read the first one, I didn't even need to know what the rest said.

"Shit."

"Dr. Knowles, where are you going?"

There was no time to waste. I ran out without answering her or taking off my lab coat even. I drove like a crazy person to get home. When I opened the door I looked around and everything was exactly as I had left it.

"Honey, I'm home." The sound of his voice stopped me in my tracks. The voice I was greeted by wasn't a warm or welcomed one. It was ringing with sarcasm and hate. It was eerie the way he said it which gave me a chill. But it had such a larger meaning attached to it. "I bet you didn't plan on seeing me today. Huh bitch?"

"Not exactly." Rio set at my kitchen table as largely as he had the first time we met. With a bruised face and the gun placed directly in front of him. He was here to deliver the news directly to me. He was unhappy about how it all went down with his arrest. "Lets get this over with."

"How did you think all of this shit would end, Doc? You steal from me, betray me, rat on me. To set me up and put me away and all you must have some big plans. You wanna be me right, that's what all this is about? If you wanna be the king, you gotta kill the king. This stuff is mid evil, darling. So what do you think, you got what it takes? Go ahead." Rio slammed the gun down on the table. His anger oozed from him. He knew it all. He was setup by me to take the fall. Yet, somehow he made his way out of jail. Now, he was here to settle the score. He gave the gun a shove to push it closer to me.

But in one outlaw move, it was always the same no matter which team they were on. They wanted revenge, twice the retaliation of the pain you caused them. It was bait though, he wanted me to go for the gun knowing damn well, he could get to it quicker than I could. He wanted me to panic and be irrational. He wanted me to feel fear and feel he was superior over me. Well, he got none of those things from me.

As I grabbed a hold of the chair, Rio immediately went for the gun. A smile crossed my face as I pulled it out to set down. "I'm still waiting."

"You think you're a tough bitch don't you? Lets find out just how tough you really are?"

When he headed to the basement door, I had to laugh. "If you think I'm going to the basement just so you can kill me down there, you're crazy."

"Oh, I'm not gonna kill anybody. You are."

His words had a very somber effect on me. He waved his hand for me to follow him. Hell, he didn't even wait to see if I was coming or not. Since he left me alone so I could run. I was certain he had an insurance policy in place just like an outlaw would. Decisions weren't always made easily and some were so hard you lost no matter which way you went. Now was one of those times. As I calmly made my way down the stairs. Yet, Rio had another surprise in store for me.

"Let them go. This is between you and me. It has nothing to do with them."

"You gotta feel the pain of your betrayal. One of them has to pay the price for you." The barrel of his gun started at my throat and lowered to above the button on my blouse. "Take it. Go ahead, Doc. You can do it." His demeanor softened along with his voice. By the back of the neck Rio took a hold of me. "Will it be the old man or will it be the ditzy blonde you take out?" He pushed the weapon hard in my hand but never let go of it. "The clock is ticking. You better make up your mind."

Nicole's eye displayed the fear of a mother. Her mouth covered with tape so she couldn't scream. She knew the cost if she died, what it would cost her children. I'd seen it many times in myself. There was no mistaken it. There was no way I could allow her to be taken from them.

Even Jax knew the importance. He set in the chair bound in ropes with a battered face. Rio looked just as bad. But it wasn't until he knew the danger Nicole faced and the consequences she would suffer if he didn't surrender. Jackson Teller never stood down, he never backed away from a fight and he never feared the reaper. That was until now. He surrendered because of Nicole and allowed her to have those few moments to live life.

Those were qualities which used to just drive me nuts about him. Now I found them endearing and noble. Jax deserved none of this. But he was right about one thing; what you done effected everyone around you. Your actions put them in danger and your intent may have been pure at the time, except, it never turned out that way in the end. This was all on me.

"I'm not doing it. You might as well kill me."

"Well, okay." Rio shoved me away from his body. He brought his gun to eye level. With how close I was to him and the aim he had, there was no chance he would miss either. The sweet smiling faces of my children ran through my head repeatedly as I waited for the punishment of my sins. But I made no attempt at any apologizes for them either. Nor I had remorse shown for my actions.

Perhaps I never truly needed anyone to save me. I needed someone who would stand strong by my side while I saved myself. If I had to die to find my salvation then so fucking be it. Nicole and Jax stood strong with me until the end. They gave me unwavering love and devotion in their own way. I was ready to accept my fate, I was ready for it while I stared back at Rio.

It was those split seconds which moved from passage to passage in your life. Those which could happen before your eyes to mold your dreams beyond expectations. They became critical seconds when your life was about to come to end. Those seconds determined how your existent ended or how you just wished it had.

It was those seconds which you waited for your heart to stop beating. In those seconds every breath, almost as if they needed just a few more of air to make it across the finish lie. When time fucking stopped, every second mattered.

When the gun went off, I waited for my fall to come. But, he had another idea about how this would go down. "Now, we're good, Doc. Our score is settled. If you don't return all my money and the shit off my Dad's computer by tomorrow. I will kill you too."

Rio made sure I felt that pain of what I had done to him. When I wouldn't make the choice between them, he done it for me. He wanted to crush me beyond recognition. He had succeeded on it when they took my punishment. Then he just walked away like it meant nothing to him.

The bones in my knees ached when they sharply connected with the concrete. But it couldn't compare to the ache in my heart. "No."

Once again, I found myself cursing the sky with no one to answer me back. Once again, I found another who put their life second to my own. Once again, someone I loved was taken away from me.

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John would have written a completely different manuscript if Gemma got raped on his watch.

I would do no less for you.

Jax Teller

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I know. You have done it for me.

Tara Knowles

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She loved me for the dangers I had passed, And I loved her that she did pity them.

William Shakespeare

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Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends.

John 15:13

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I hope you enjoyed reading me!

Please forward to the next chapter...