Reflections

by evitascarlett

A companion piece to 'Apologize'. Chronicling the lives and love story of Jim and Johanna Beckett through the years. See Authors Note at the beginning of Chapter One for more details! Cover art by LordofKavaka

31. Chapter 31 - Christmas

A/N: Thanks for your reviews!

Chapter 31 – Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

"What are you three looking so gloomy about?" Sharon asked. "It's Christmas time; you should be happy."

"Maybe the Christmas spirit just hasn't hit us yet," Johanna replied as she picked her drink up from the table she was sharing with Jim and Jeff.

"Well I hope it hits you before the Christmas party next week. You three are downright depressing with those looks on your faces."

"Don't worry, Sharon; there will be enough booze at the party to make everyone's holiday jolly," Jeff remarked.

"Come on guys," the secretary said. "Don't the lights and the decorations and the Christmas music just make you feel warm and excited?"

"No," Jim answered honestly. "It just makes me think about all the work I need to get done before the holiday and the fact that I still haven't finished buying gifts for my family."

"Well bah humbug to you," Sharon replied. "What about you, Jo? You're usually like a kid at Christmas."

"I know; but I'm just not feeling it this year," she replied.

"Me neither, Sassy," Jeff said; easing the guilt she felt for voicing that sentiment aloud.

Sharon sighed. "Well I can see how this gathering is going to be and I think I'll pass. I'll just go do some Christmas shopping. Do you want to come along, Jo? I'm sure I can snap you out of this funk better than these two can."

"No thanks," Johanna answered. "I only need to pick up some things for Greg and I'll do that tomorrow."

"Okay," her friend said in defeat. "I'll see you holiday humbugs later."

Silence lingered after Sharon's departure until Johanna turned her gaze towards her two companions. "Well boys, what's troubling you about the holiday?"

"Going home," Jeff answered.

"What about it?" Jim asked.

"I'm just not looking forward to all of the pretending that comes with the holiday season," he replied. "Take my brothers for instance; when Mom is within earshot or eyesight, we pretend to be a loving family. When she's not around, all bets are off. Ben is still mad that I didn't lend him money over the summer; but here's the thing, I would have if he had asked me for it. How was I supposed to know that he was dropping hints for me to open my checkbook? Now he's back on his usual tirade that I think I'm better than everyone and that couldn't be further from the truth and I don't think I act like that…do I?"

"No," both of his friends exclaimed.

"I didn't think so."

"Jeff, you're one of the nicest people I've ever met," Johanna told him; "And I know that you would help anyone who asked you. If your brother couldn't be a man and come right out and ask you for something, then that's his problem."

"What about Kevin?" Jim asked; referring to his best friend's younger brother.

Jeff shook his head. "Sometimes it's good and sometimes it's bad. This seems to be one of the bad ones. Ever since it was in the paper that I won that Ferguson case, he's been acting like I'm something he stepped in. He just has to be so damn jealous of everyone. I don't know why he's so ashamed of a business degree and his own successes. I always compliment him on his success; I try to encourage him, but then he acts like I'm belittling him or something. It's not my fault that he failed in pre-law. He had never given any inclination of wanting to be an attorney until I was in college for it anyway. Everything is a contest with him."

"Do your parents compare him to you?" Johanna questioned; figuring that to be the cause.

"No; I can honestly say that my parents have never compared us and measured our successes or failures by those of our siblings. They've always been proud and encouraging of all of us in whatever we wanted to do. That's why I don't understand why he's like that. We weren't brought up that way."

"Maybe he still has some immaturity in him," Jim suggested. "Maybe one day he'll wake up and realize that's he's being an ass."

Jeff scoffed. "I won't hold my breath. Those two are only the half of it though; then there's all of those relatives who crawl out of the woodwork for the a free meal and to politely criticize your life or give you gifts that are all wrong for you and then you have to pretend to like them."

"Don't go if you don't want to," Jim told him.

"And upset my mother?" Jeff asked. "I can't do that. I can't upset her holiday by making up some lame excuse of why I'm not there."

"I can understand that," he said as he fiddled with the watch on his wrist.

"Why don't you leave that watch alone?" Jeff said. "You've been wearing it for a few weeks now, aren't you used to it yet?"

"No," Jim answered; "And I'm not going to be. I want the one that I always wear."

Johanna watched the exchange knowing that Jim wanted his old watch mainly for sentimental value. He had told her that his grandfather had given it to him when he was in high school and he had been wearing it ever since. His grandfather had died before he finished law school and the watch had become even more valuable to him.

"I can't believe that damn jewelry store," he muttered. "All I wanted them to do was replace the battery and how they managed to break it, I'll never know."

"Have you looked for someone who can fix it?" Jeff asked.

"I haven't had much time to look and the places I have found want more to fix it than it's probably worth."

"You'll find something," Johanna told him.

"I don't know about that."

"Is that what's bugging you?" she asked.

"No, not in regards to the holiday."

"Well then what is it?" Johanna inquired; taking another sip of her drink.

"It's the gift buying," Jim answered. "Or really maybe it's more the picking out of the gifts. I don't mind buying them or giving them but I hate picking them out. Take my mother for instance, no matter what you get her, there's something wrong with it."

"Have you just asked her what specifically she wants?" Jeff said.

"Yes, we've all done that and it doesn't matter. She can be standing next to you in a store and point to something and say 'that's what I want' and when you give it to her on Christmas, she suddenly doesn't like the color, or the style, or the shape or whatever else she can think of."

"Well then you need to give her the gift I'm giving my father," Johanna stated.

"What's that?"

"Money in a card," she answered. "That's the polite way of saying 'buy your own damn gift because I'm tired of trying to please you'."

"She'd have a fit," Jim laughed.

"Tell her that money only comes in one color, size and shape," his colleague quipped; her eyes dancing with humor.

"I'd probably be sent home without dinner if I did that," he answered. "You wouldn't want that to happen, now would you?"

"I'm sure if you were hungry that you could go knock on Sassy's door and she'd feed you," Jeff commented with a wink at the lady they were sitting with. "Isn't that right, Jo?"

"Of course I would," she replied. "If I was home."

They laughed and Jeff glanced at his watch. "I hate to cut this short but I have to go pick Maggie up from her mother's."

They said goodbye to him and watched him leave before Johanna turned back to Jim. "Anything else giving you trouble besides your mother's gift?"

"Yeah, Angie. I don't know what to buy for five year old girls."

"A Barbie doll," she replied. "It's not that complicated."

"Easy for you to say; you speak girl."

She laughed lightly. "Jim, you know your niece loves Barbie dolls. I've met her a few times and I know that she loves them. You buy her what she loves."

"I don't know how to pick that stuff out, Jo. I know she loves it, but how do I know which she'd like best? I don't have this problem with my nephews."

"I guess not," she replied. "You have experience at being a little boy."

"That's right, and that experience doesn't help me with shopping for the girls."

"What did you get her for her birthday?"

"Well…" Jim said and then trailed off, but at her raised brow he picked up his train of thought. "I was swamped with work when her birthday came around and I didn't have time to go look for something…so I gave Madelyn some money and told her to go get her something for me."

"I see," Johanna replied. "Maybe you just need someone that has experience at being a little girl, to go along with you."

His gaze was hopeful as he looked at her. "Do you have someone in mind?"

"Are you free tomorrow?"

"Yes."

"Then tomorrow we will go Christmas shopping. I have to go to the toy store anyway and find some things for Greg."

"You'd do that?" he asked.

"Of course," she smiled. "What time do you want to pick me up?"

"How about nine? Maybe we can beat some of the crowds."

"Sounds good to me."

Jim suddenly felt very content but then he realized that she hadn't told him what was troubling her about the holiday season. "What about you, Jo? Why aren't you feeling the holiday spirit?"

She shrugged. "Oh it's silly, I guess."

"I'm sure it's not if it's bothering you," Jim said; "And you know that you can tell me what it is."

"I don't want to go home," she said after a moment's hesitation.

"Why not?"

"Because…Frankie has Valerie and the baby…Colleen has Paul now; Mom has Dad…and I'll be all alone, with exception of Grandma and I'm sure she'll monopolize Greg which will really make me alone."

"You won't be alone if you're with your family," he said gently.

"But don't you see; they're all paired off. They all have someone now…all of them but me. I'll be there alone and I hate the thought of it. It wasn't so bad at Thanksgiving; Colleen and Paul went to his parents and Frankie and Val went to her parents but stopped by later on, so really it was just me and Grandma with Mom and Dad and it wasn't very noticeable. But when I think of Christmas and how everyone is coming, I remember something that Mom said several months ago about feeling left out and I just feel like…"

"Like what?"

"Like I don't fit in anymore," Johanna answered quietly, her gaze dropping to the table as she spoke the words aloud.

"I'm sure no one sees it that way," Jim told her as he reached out and tipped her chin up so she'd be looking at him. He could see the glimmer of tears in her eyes and it tugged at his heart. "It's probably just all of that nagging you've put up with this year making you feel that way."

"How is it supposed to make me feel?" Johanna asked.

She had a point, he reasoned. "If it's going to make you feel so upset and out of sorts, then don't go."

"I considered that," she told him. "But I figure it's worse to be at home alone than to be alone in a crowd. At least in the crowd, I have the chance of stealing Greg away from Grandma for a little while."

So she was going to go home with the sole intent of cuddling her nephew, he thought. If that eased the pain for her, then he hoped the little boy was dumped into her arms for the entire time she was there. He knew how much she adored him.

"You don't have to be alone if you don't want to go," he told her. "You can go home with me."

She smiled. "Your mother hates me."

"She's like that to everyone for awhile when she first meets them. She wouldn't turn you away."

She slipped her hand into his and held his gaze. "That's a very sweet offer and I appreciate it, but I couldn't impose on your family just so I can escape mine."

"We don't mind."

She shook her head and leaned towards him to kiss his cheek. "Thank you; but I'll be fine."

"If you change your mind, the offer will still stand," he told her sincerely.

---

"Here we are," Johanna said the next morning as she and Jim walked down a pink themed aisle of the toy store. "This is every five year old girl's dream."

Jim's gaze scanned the rows of Barbie dolls and the copious amounts of accessories that went with them, and wished he was back in the boys aisle. He hadn't had any trouble picking out Hot Wheels, and Hot Wheels race tracks, toy guns, Legos and action figures for his nephews; but this perky, pink aisle seemed like it might be too much to handle.

"There's so many of them," he stated.

His colleague nodded. "That's called variety," she remarked in amusement.

He smirked at her. "Ha ha. I thought you were going to help me."

"I'm here aren't I?" Johanna replied. "I led you to the Barbies, what do you want me to do now?"

"Tell me which one of these you'd want if you were a five year old."

"Like any five year old, I would want them all," she answered without even batting an eye.

"That doesn't help me, Jo."

She laughed. "Well do any of them look like the ones that you've seen Angie playing with?"

Jim glanced at her. "You're kidding, right? All of these dolls look the same to me. They're just wearing different outfits."

"Just think about it for a minute," Johanna demanded. "You're not even trying."

He forced himself to think about the dolls his niece had been playing with at his mother's the week before. "She has one that wears a bathing suit," he recalled.

"Why am I not surprised that you remember that one," Johanna teased.

Jim gave her a playful shove. "Play nice, Sassy."

"I'll try. Is that the one she has?" she laughed, pointing to Malibu Barbie.

He nodded. "I think that's the one. The one next to it looks familiar too."

"Okay, now we're getting somewhere. Do any of them stand out as one she'd especially like?"

"I'm sure she'd like all of them."

"Then you can't go wrong with your choice."

He looked over the selection and picked up the box of a doll that looked a little smaller and different than the others. "I don't think she has one like this," he said as he showed it to Johanna.

"That's a good choice," she remarked. "That's Barbie's younger sister."

"Barbie has a sister?"

She nodded. "Yes, see it even says so under her name on the box."

Jim glanced down at the package and realized the name that the doll bore. "Skipper!" he exclaimed. "What the hell kind of name is Skipper?"

"How should I know? I didn't name her," Johanna answered.

"Does she come with a boat?"

"No!"

"With a name like that, she should," he remarked. "Either that or Gilligan."

"Oh my God," she laughed. "Just put it in the cart."

"I can't help it, Jo. That's a dumb name, especially for a doll that's supposed to be a girl. Shouldn't her name be Susan or Mary or something?"

"Listen, it's okay" she said; laying a hand on his arm as she giggled. "If Angie doesn't like the name, she'll change it."

"I hope she does. Now what else?"

"Well if she doesn't have a doll like that, she'll need clothes for her."

He looked at her with pleading eyes. "Please tell me you'll pick them out for me."

Johanna gave him a soft smile as she took pity on him. "Okay, how many?"

"How does four sound?"

"That sounds fine," she answered as she set about making her selections. "These should get her started," she said once she was finished. "Here's a party dress, a casual outfit, a bathing suit and pajamas."

"I'm bowing to your expertise," Jim remarked. "If those are good for you, they're good for me. Now what else?"

"Another doll?" she suggested.

"Which one would you want most if you were a five year old girl?" he asked once again.

"You're not letting me off the hook for that question, are you?"

"Nope."

She smirked as she rolled her eyes and walked over to the shelf and picked up a box. "I'd want this one."

"You'd want a bride Barbie?" he asked in surprise. "Haven't you had enough of weddings and marriage talk?"

"In my adult life; yes," Johanna answered. "But when I was five this would've appealed to me…but Barbie didn't come out until I was eight."

"Careful, you're dating yourself," he teased.

"You're still older than me."

"Did you have a Barbie doll?" Jim inquired.

"I had the very first one that came out," Johanna told him. "Among others."

"Should I get that one for Angie?" he asked.

"No."

"Why not?"

"I think she'd like this one better," she replied as she put the bride doll back and picked up a Barbie dressed as a ballerina.

"Why this one?"

"Because Angie dressed up like a ballerina for Halloween," Johanna reminded him.

He smiled, remembering that Johanna had gone with him to take his niece and nephews trick or treating. "Put it in the cart."

"Is that all you need for her?" Johanna asked.

"No, I like to keep it even between them and the boys still have a little more."

"There are plenty of things here to choose from," she told him. "How about a car?"

"Andrew is supposed to get her the corvette," he replied.

"The Dream House?"

"She got that for her birthday."

"Well we still have a lot of options. Look at all of this; she has furniture, play sets, tons of clothes and shoes; a car, a house, a boyfriend, and a sister that isn't old enough to cause her much distress. If she gets tired of her job, she just gets a new one and doesn't even have to go to school for it. The bitch is better off than I am," Johanna stated.

Jim laughed. "Feeling jealous?"

"How could I not?" she giggled. "Look at all those clothes. I wish my closet was as packed as hers is."

"Speaking of clothes, I guess you better pick out a few outfits for this other doll."

She nodded and did as he asked, placing four more outfits in the cart. "What about this?" he asked; picking up a play set that had a swimming pool for the dolls. "Do you think this would be good?"

"I think so. We know she has Malibu Barbie and I picked out a bathing suit for the sister, so she might want to have a pool party for them."

"Great," he remarked; tossing it in the cart. "I think one more thing should do it."

Her eyes scanned the row and then landed on something on the bottom shelf. "Does she still carry her dolls around in a tote bag?"

"Yeah."

"Then here's something that she needs," Johanna said as she pulled a pink vinyl case from the shelf. "This is a case for her dolls," she explained; undoing the latch and opening it up to show him. "See there are slots for her dolls, and places for their clothes and other small accessories like shoes and hairbrushes. When it closes, she can latch it and none of her stuff will fall out. It even has a handle on top so she can take it with her to grandma's or to her friend's house."

"That's not a bad idea," Jim said with a smile. "I think she'd probably like that."

"I think so too. When she opens all of this, she'll think you're the best uncle in the world."

"You think so?"

"If I was her, I would," she told him.

His arm snaked around her waist. "What are you doing for the rest of the afternoon?"

"What do you want me to be doing?" she asked.

"Do you want to help me pick out a gift for my mother?"

Johanna smiled. "Sure. I was looking at what I had last night and I should probably pick up a few more things anyway."

"Great," he replied. "Next year, lets just save time and do this together at the beginning of the month."

"We can arrange that," she laughed.

---

"I just don't know what to get for my mother this year," Jim stated as he and Johanna entered yet another store in his search for a gift for Elizabeth Beckett.

"Has she mentioned anything?"

"Like what?"

"Well when my mother wants something new, she tends to complain about the thing she wants replaced," Johanna said. "She loves to cook and last year her mixer started to go bad around the time of her birthday. All we heard all summer long was about that mixer and how it was driving her crazy. She went on about it so much that Dad went and bought her one and gave it to her the week before her birthday just so he could have some peace again."

Jim chuckled. "What did the rest of you get her?"

"We figured if the mixer was going bad that maybe it was time to upgrade all of her kitchen supplies. I bought her new cookware; Colleen got her a new blender, and Frankie got her new utensils and chef's knives. She couldn't have been more thrilled."

"My mother has been complaining about her jewelry box," he said after a moment. "The lid has come away from the hinge and Dad hasn't been able to fix it for her. He said it's just wore out and he can't find the right kind of hinge to replace it."

"There's your answer," Johanna replied. "Let's go look at jewelry boxes."

He dutifully followed her to the jewelry section of the store and stood beside her at the display of various jewelry boxes.

"This one is nice," she said; pointing to a glossy, dark wood jewelry box that had a small pink flower painted on each of the drawers and on top of the lid. "There are a lot of compartments too," she added as she opened it up to show him. "Plenty of room if she has a lot of jewelry."

"I think she'd like it," he said. "Or at least I think she'll like it enough. It does look similar to the one she has."

"Here's one in the box," Johanna told him, tapping it with her finger. He picked it up and put it in their shopping cart as she considered the items on the shelf.

"I think I'll get one for Colleen as an extra gift," she remarked; selecting one that was painted black and had yellow flowers instead of pink.

"Black?" he questioned.

"It's for Colleen," she stated. "You've met her, you know she's weird."

"I don't think I know her well enough to classify her as being weird."

"Well you've seen the wedding pictures, so you have an idea of what her taste is."

"When you put it like that, you're probably right. That's right up her alley," he replied.

"Exactly. She isn't known for her taste."

"Do you have any suggestions for what I can get my sister?" Jim asked.

"I don't know," Johanna replied. "What has she been dropping hints about?"

"I don't think she's dropped any hints."

"Sure she has."

"What makes you think that?"

"She's a woman," Johanna remarked. "We all drop hints or specifically spell out what we want in one way or another...you just have to be listening for it."

A grin tugged at his lips as he glanced at her. "What have you been hinting for, Jo?"

"A cashmere sweater at Macy's. By now, my mother should be hearing the words 'cashmere sweater' in her sleep."

He laughed. "You've been hinting that much?"

"Oh I've done better than just hint. When we were out shopping together at the beginning of the month; I took her in Macy's and showed it to her...twice."

"What did she say?"

"She said, 'that's lovely, dear' and went on about her business."

"What will you do if she didn't get the hint?"

Johanna looked him in the eye. "If that tragedy should happen, then I will smile through my devastation and plot my revenge," she said dramatically. "And God help her if she gives Colleen a cashmere sweater and not me. If that happens, all bets are off and there will be no peace on earth in the McKenzie family."

"I better make sure I have my checkbook on me in case you need to call me for bail," Jim quipped.

"Hey, alls fair in love and Christmas gifts."

He chuckled. "If you want the sweater that badly, why don't you just buy it for yourself?"

"Well I only allow myself to splurge so much each month," Johanna answered as her gaze fell to her feet; "And these boots really wanted to go home with me when we met at Bloomingdales."

His gaze drifted to her feet, taking note of the black, high heeled suede boots she was wearing. "And they took all of your splurge money?"

"With Christmas shopping to do I had less splurge money than usual," she told him. "I bought the boots before I saw the sweater...so the sweater became the gift I want from my mother."

Jim gave a nod of understanding. "Do you think Madelyn would want a cashmere sweater?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I can't take the chance of taking you to Macy's and there only being one left. My mother loves last minute shopping; she might not have gotten there yet to buy it."

"I can't believe you said that," he laughed.

"Well wouldn't you feel bad if you bought the last one and then found out that I didn't get one; knowing how badly I wanted it?"

"You're right, I wouldn't be able to sleep at night if I had your devastation on my conscience," he teased.

Her brow rose, "Are you making fun of me after I helped you pick out Barbie dolls for your niece?"

He shook his head, a mischievous grin on his face once again. "I'd never make fun of you, sweetheart."

"Sure you wouldn't," she said sarcastically.

"What if Macy's has a whole rack of those sweaters?"

Johanna put a hand on her hip and eyed him. "Why do I feel like you're trying to take the sweater off my back?"

He laughed. "Taking the sweater off your back? Now that's my kind of Christmas gift."

She narrowed her eyes at him but failed at keeping the hint of a smile from her lips. "You know I didn't mean it like that!"

"Do I?" he asked. "I thought maybe your suggestive talk meant that Santa got my letter."

"Santa is going to put you on the naughty list if you keeping talking like that."

"But, sweetheart, being on the naughty list with you was what I asked for," he teased, wrapping an arm around her waist.

"You just stop that," she said; swatting him as she made a half hearted attempt to pull away from him.

"Oh, you're going to get feisty, I like that."

Johanna slapped his shoulder and wiggled away from him. "You just better behave yourself."

"Or what?"

Her grin was sly as she stepped away. "Or you might lose any chance you might have to take anything off of me."

"Wait a minute!" he said; following after her. "You say that like I've already had a chance and missed it."

She shrugged. "And?"

"And did I have a chance and missed it?"

"I think you know the answer to that," Johanna replied.

"Do I?"

"If you don't, I'm certainly not going to tell you."

"But..."

"Now, quit trying to steal my gift and think about what Madelyn wants for Christmas," she said; cutting him off and changing the subject.

"Tease."

"Think, James," Johanna remarked with a sassy smirk.

"I am."

"Not about a gift for your sister," she replied; "And that's what you need to think about."

He sighed. "Fine, be that way. The only thing I've heard Madelyn mentioning is her record player. It's just about done for."

"There you have it. She wants a new record player."

They walked through the department store and located one that he considered to be good enough for his little sister and placed it in their cart. They strolled back through the store, looking around for anything else that might make a good gift for someone.

"Oh, look at that dress," Johanna said as she caught sight of a black satin and sequined party dress.

Jim took note of the longing look on her face and followed her gaze. "Get it if you want it."

She glanced at him. "I just told you that I had to cut back on splurging due to Christmas shopping."

"So do a little less gift giving. Put back the jewelry box and buy yourself the dress."

"But that's for Colleen," Johanna stated as she moved towards the dress and ran her fingers over the satin skirt.

"You have other gifts for her, don't you?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Then don't worry about it."

She bit her lip; it was so very tempting. "That would be wrong."

"No it wouldn't," Jim told her. "It isn't like she'll know; and besides, she's married now. Let her husband worry about showering her with gifts."

"That's true but it doesn't make it right."

"Go ahead and get the dress. You know you want it, and you'll look good in it."

"How do you know that?"

"I know that because you could make a paper bag look good," Jim answered as he took the dress from the rack and held it up in front of her. "See, I was right," he said as he looked her over. "It's on the hanger but you're already making it look good. This dress has your name on it."

She blushed. "I appreciate your confidence in my abilities to pull off a look."

"So that means you're going to get it, right?"

"I shouldn't," she replied; her gaze flicking to the jewelry box in the cart.

"Come on, Jo," he said. "This dress wants to go to a party with you...and it just so happens that we have a New Year's Eve party coming up," he added as he shook the dress at her. "You'll be the prettiest girl there."

Johanna eyed him. "Are you trying to lead me into temptation?"

"Every chance I get," he grinned.

"That's what I thought."

"Listen, let's think about this," he said as he placed the dress back on the rack. "Colleen already got an extra gift out of you this year for her wedding; she doesn't deserve that jewelry box."

"She doesn't?"

Jim shook his head. "Allow me to present the evidence. First of all, she has driven you crazy with her wedding plans for a very long period of time. Second, she kept insinuating that you couldn't find a date and that you needed her to pick out another idiot for you. Third, she crashed your birthday celebration. Fourth, she made you wear a painfully ugly dress for her wedding; and in my opinion, that alone should prove how unworthy she is because that was just a crime against nature, making a woman as beautiful as you wear something that ugly. And in closing, you had to hear about her fantastic honeymoon in Spain for at least 3 weeks after she decided to speak to you again. Now I ask you, is that someone who deserves an extra Christmas gift?"

Johanna's nose wrinkled at the memories of the annoyance her sister had caused. "You're right, she has been rotten all year and she should be punished for her taste in wedding attire."

"Exactly," he responded. "If anyone should be getting a gift here, it should be you. You've worked hard all year. You've put up with a lot of things you shouldn't have had to, and you handled it all with grace and dignity...and without an assault charge. You deserve that dress. In my opinion, you earned it, sweetheart."

She was quiet for a second and then a spark of rebellion flicked in her eyes. "You're right; I deserve it," she said as she snatched the dress off the rack. "Get rid of the jewelry box."

"That's my girl," he stated as he took the box from their cart and sat it on a shelf that had been wiped clean of merchandise during the holiday shopping frenzy.

"Take out the shoes I picked up for my mother, too," she said sheepishly.

"Now you've got the idea," he told her as he removed the shoes from the cart.

"I'm going to feel so guilty," Johanna said as she placed the dress in the cart.

"You'll feel better once you're wearing it," Jim replied; "And with the way your mother tormented you about getting married; she doesn't deserve those shoes."

Johanna nodded. "That's true; but really I can't seem to buy a new dress without buying shoes to go with it."

"Sounds reasonable to me," he said. "You've earned them too. Now aren't you glad I talked you into coming over to the dark side?"

She laughed. "It is fun to be bad once in awhile."

Jim returned her smile as he held her gaze. "Now that you have a dress and will soon have new shoes...I was thinking that maybe we could go to the New Year's Eve party together...if you want."

"I'd like that," she answered; her smile widening as he heart fluttered.

"Me too," he replied. "Are you ready to get out of here and go somewhere else?"

"I'm ready."

"How many hours do you think we'll have to stand in line?" he asked as they approached the cash registers and took note of the multitude of people waiting.

She laughed. "We'll probably be here for awhile."

"Yeah, we'll be lucky to get out of here in time to go to the office party."

"I hope it won't be that long of a wait," she giggled. "I give up after an hour if I haven't moved up in line enough."

"That's a smart idea," he told her. "If we're not out of this line in an hour…"

"We're still going to wait because I want that dress," she remarked, cutting off his statement.

He nodded. "Only for you would I stay in line for longer than an hour so you could buy a dress."

---

By the time Christmas Eve rolled around, they were making a little more effort at having Christmas spirit. Of course, Johanna mused as she stood in a group with her friends at the holiday office party, some of her renewed spirit might be owed to a mischievous Jeff Campbell, who had hung up mistletoe in just about every area that he could. Jim had caught her under it a time or two...or five. She smiled, being kissed under the mistletoe by Jim was just the boost her holiday spirit had needed. Her eyes glanced around the large reception room that had been set up for their party. So far, things had been going well. Everyone seemed to be having a good time as they feasted on treats and sipped their drinks. There was music and a small stage had been set up for those of them who didn't mind embarrassing themselves by trying to provide entertainment for their colleagues. She saw someone moving towards the stage, and she wondered who was going to be next.

"In a few minutes, the lovely Melanie Thompson will give us her rendition of 'Santa Baby'," Neil Coleman, senior partner of the law firm announced.

"And a few seconds after that, we'll all throw up," Johanna added; her tone just high enough for her friends to hear.

"I feel sick already," Sharon replied amid the chuckles. "Where is the untalented diva, anyway?"

"Changing into her costume," Maggie stated as she shook her head at the sad state of affair they faced.

"Her costume?" Johanna said. "Who does she think she is? Cher?"

"Better," Maggie said. "She's Melanie the Magnificent."

"Oh brother," Sharon remarked as she sipped her drink. "I'm too sober for this."

"Now girls, maybe it won't be so bad," Phil remarked.

"Yeah; it could be worth seeing," Jeff stated.

"It might even be interesting," Jim added.

The three women they were standing with turned to face them. "Well I guess we should've known that the three of you would be looking forward to this," Maggie remarked.

Sharon eyed Phil. "Since when are you so happy to see Melanie? Do you suddenly have eyes for her?"

"No!" he exclaimed.

Maggie tossed a flippant look at Jeff. "I'm not even surprised that you're standing here with your tongue hanging out, waiting for this farce."

Jeff grinned at her. "You're so cute when you're jealous, Mags."

"I'm not jealous."

"Sure you are," he replied; dropping his arm around her shoulders. "But don't worry, the only stocking I'm going to be in come morning is yours."

Maggie rolled her eyes as she shook her head. "We'll see about that."

"You know it's true," Jeff teased. "Santa told me that I was just what you wanted for Christmas."

"When did he tell you that?" Maggie asked.

"Probably when he was sitting on his lap at Macy's," Johanna commented.

They broke into laughter as Jeff shot her an amused look; his hand darting out to tweak her side but she artfully dodged him as she laughed. "Why don't you just go over there and stand under the mistletoe with Jim, Sassy. That will keep your lips occupied."

"I would," she quipped, surprising them all; "But that might distract him from Melanie's performance and I know he's looking forward to it. I wouldn't want it said that I took away his chance to have his holiday brightened."

Jim smirked at her. "I'm willing to risk it if you want to give it a try."

She grinned. "Maybe later."

"Tease," he accused lightly.

"Don't worry, Jim," Jeff told him. "Tonight, Phil and I are going to stick a bow on you and take you over to Jo's and put you under her tree."

"What happens if she wants to return me?" he asked as Johanna blushed behind her glass.

"Well then we'll have to send you to the Island of Misfit Toys," Jeff remarked. "Now if you're patient and good, one Christmas Eve, Rudolph and Santa will come pick you up and take you to someone else who might appreciate you."

"That sounds like the voice of experience, Jeff," Johanna stated as they laughed. "How long have you been on that Island?"

"Let's just say that they know me by name out there."

"You wouldn't send me there, would you, Jo?" Jim teased.

"I might if you don't behave yourself," she told him.

"Here comes Melanie," Maggie stated as she caught a glimpse of their colleague as she approached the stage. "What the hell is she wearing?"

The women looked on in horror as Melanie took center stage in a gaudy green sequined elf costume that left little to the imagination with it's low cut top and extremely short skirt. She had paired her outfit with forest green stilettos and fishnet stockings.

"Oh my God," Johanna said. "Where did she find that? Hookers R Us?"

"Even a hooker wouldn't be caught dead in that get up," Maggie replied.

"I have to say that I've seen plenty of pictures of elves over the years," Sharon remarked; "I've seen them in many different types but I have never, until right at this moment, seen a slutty elf before."

"And God willing you never will again," Johanna stated.

"There ought to be a law against impersonating an elf in a slutty manner like that," Maggie commented.

"I don't think it's so bad," the men all commented at the same time.

"You wouldn't," Sharon scoffed as a hush fell over the crowd.

"Oh lord," Johanna said as the opening notes of 'Santa Baby' filled the air.

"Even the lord can't help us now," her best friend remarked.

"I'm not sure I can watch this," Maggie said; putting a hand to her eyes for a moment as Melanie began her sultry rendition of the song.

"This is just disgusting," Johanna stated as she watched Melanie sashay around the stage while the men all whistled and kept their eyes glued to her.

"If you really want to see disgusting, look at the three idiots standing behind us," Sharon told her with a nod at Phil, Jeff and Jim.

Johanna glanced back and saw that all three were entranced by the performance and jealousy flared in her as she noted Jim's interest, leading her to elbow him sharply. "Ow," he cried as he brought his gaze towards her. "What?"

She rolled her eyes. "You know what."

He chuckled softly in her ear as she turned away from him, his arm slipping around her waist. "You know she doesn't hold a candle to you," he whispered.

"Uh huh," she remarked with disbelief; not feeling an ounce of remorse for what she had done even though she had no claim to him.

Melanie had just sung the line imploring Santa to hurry down the chimney and Johanna couldn't hold back the remark that came to mind. "Santa isn't desperate enough to go anywhere near her chimney."

Sharon spit her drink across the room and Maggie slapped a hand over her mouth to stifle her giggles.

"Johanna!" Jim exclaimed in a hushed voice that was laced with laughter.

"What?" she giggled. "I meant that in the most innocent way possible."

"There was nothing innocent about that, Sassy," Jeff remarked.

"It doesn't matter," Sharon said; "She's right, Santa wouldn't touch that with a ten foot candy cane."

"What makes you so sure?" Jim asked.

"Because Santa has morals."

"I wish I could unsee this," Maggie said as Melanie dragged out the song to accommodate her suggestive dancing.

"Yeah, who knew that elves had stripper training," Johanna remarked.

"Well they do live at the North Pole," Sharon replied. "Maybe that's what they do in the summer. They gather around the pole and practice their moves."

"I guess we know who wasn't the Virgin Mary in the Christmas pageant," Maggie stated.

"And you were?" Jeff asked.

"Yes I was," she confirmed. "Two years in a row, might I add."

"What about you, Sharon?" Phil asked.

"I was a lamb," she told them.

"Talk about miscasting," Jim quipped.

"Nobody asked you," Sharon retorted. "I bet you weren't one of the wise men, were you?"

"No," he replied. "But I was a damn good shepherd."

Johanna laughed. "Oh I wish I could've seen that."

He gave her a squeeze. "And what about you, Jo? Were you Mary or a little fluffy lamb?"

"I was the angel," she remarked triumphantly.

"I should've known," Jim laughed.

"Oh thank God, I think she's just about done," Sharon stated. "And if any one of you guys calls out for an encore, your Christmas isn't going to be very merry or bright."

"It would be wrong to boo, wouldn't it?" Johanna asked.

"It might be in bad taste," Jim told her.

She scoffed. "And that wasn't?"

He grinned as she glanced at him and she swatted the arm he had around her. "You're such a man."

"I say we boo," Sharon stated as the last note died away.

"Ladies," Jeff said; "What happened to Peace on Earth, Goodwill toward Men?"

"It says men," Maggie stated. "It doesn't say anything about slutty elves."

"And besides," Johanna said; "We've been showing goodwill to the three of you all night."

"Your elbow suggests otherwise," Jim commented.

She smirked at him. "Do you want to get up close and personal with my elbow again?"

"No," he grinned. "I think I'm ready to move on to better things. What else do you have for me to get up close and personal with?"

Her brow rose and her eyes glittered with mischief. "There are some things a man should find out for himself."

A sly smile spread across his face as Jeff interrupted their moment. "Do you two want to be alone?" he asked; "Because it suddenly feels warm in here."

"As a matter of fact, we do," Jim stated; taking Johanna by surprise.

"We do?" she asked.

"We do," he said as he took her arm and lead her away from their stunned colleagues.

"Where are we going?"

"Up to my office," he replied.

He didn't reveal more and she didn't ask. She'd let him surprise her if that's what he had in mind.

---

"I have a gift for you," Jim said once they were in his office.

"You didn't have to do that," she told him with a smile as he unlocked his desk drawer and took out a small box.

"Don't be silly," he replied as he handed the package to her.

"That's nice wrapping," she commented as she admired the shiny, dark green paper and the silver bow that adorned it.

"I can't take credit for that," Jim replied. "The lady at the store did it. If I had done it, it would probably have more tape on it than paper."

She laughed lightly as she carefully unwrapped her gift, revealing a small velvet jewelry box. She lifted the lid and found a pair of emerald earrings nestled inside. "Oh, they're beautiful," Johanna breathed; a bright smile spreading across her lips. "You shouldn't have spent so much on me," she said as she gazed at them, the stones sparkling as they caught the light; their white gold setting shining brightly and echoing the sentiment that they had been expensive.

"They didn't bankrupt me," he teased; pleased that she seemed so enamored with the gift he had chosen. "And besides, you're worth every penny of their cost and then some. I thought of you as soon as I saw them."

"Why is that?" Johanna asked.

"They reminded me of your eyes."

Her cheeks warmed and her smile turned shy. "My eyes aren't that green," she said softly.

He shrugged. "It's not an exact match in shade but I'd say it's an exact match in sparkle."

Her gaze met his; her eyes so filled with warmth and affection that it almost stole his breath. She moved closer to him; her heart fluttering wildly. She had intended to kiss his cheek but then decided against it as she laid her fingers against his face and brushed her lips against his in a soft kiss that she allowed to linger for a moment.

"Thank you. I love them," she whispered.

"You're welcome," he replied quietly; that tug in his heart making itself known as he watched her admire her gift for a moment longer before she closed the box and opened her purse.

"I have a gift for you too," Johanna told him as she extracted a long flat box from her bag.

"You didn't have to get me anything."

"Oh hush; I wanted to get you something."

"Did you wrap it yourself?" he asked as studied the neat blue paper and the perfectly centered gift tag that bore her elegant script.

"Of course."

"Show off," he teased.

Johanna laughed. "Don't make me take that back."

"We can't have that," he laughed as he began to open his gift. He took the lid off the box and found a watch inside that was very similar to the one he had been mourning.

"That's as close of a match to your old one as I could find," Johanna told him as he smiled.

"Where did you find it?" he asked. "I've been everywhere I could think of trying to find one."

"I found it in a small shop in New Jersey when I went to the outlets with my sister last week," she answered. "I talked to the jeweler and told him what had happened to yours and he told me that he could fix it for you if you want to take it to him. I know yours means a lot to you because it was your grandfather's; but I figured that until you could get it fixed that you could wear this one as a backup. I have the jeweler's card for you too."

"You did that for me?" Jim asked; that tug feeling even stronger.

She nodded. "Of course. It's important to you."

He lifted it from the box and examined it. "It's almost exactly the same," he said; noticing that the only real difference was in the color of the band.

"Will it do until yours is fixed? I know how much you hate that one you're wearing."

Jim smiled at her. "It will do just fine. I think that I'll just put my grandfather's away for safekeeping after I get it fixed and just wear this one. It's just as special."

Her eyes lit up with happiness and he couldn't help but think about how beautiful she looked when she smiled. "Thank you," he told her as his hand cupped her face and pulled her in for a kiss.

"You're welcome," she whispered. "I'm glad that you like it."

"It's perfect…like you."

Johanna scoffed slightly. "I am hardly perfect."

"You're close enough in my opinion," he replied.

"That's sweet of you."

He smiled and tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "Are you going back to the party or have you had enough?"

She looked at her watch. "I think I'll just get going. I don't want to see it if Melanie has an encore."

"I'll drive you home," he offered.

"That would've been great," Johanna replied; "But I'm not going home. I'm going to my parents. My mother doesn't like to drive at night so I'm using her car to drive her and Grandma to midnight mass."

"You're Catholic?" he asked. "I knew that your father's mother was from the research I did on her, but you never mentioned it in relation to yourself."

"A bad one," she laughed. "It has more to do with my mother's family though than Dad's. Being Catholic goes way back on that side. My grandmother says I'm a holiday pew warmer but that she loves me anyway."

He chuckled. "Well at least she doesn't hold it against you. How come you never mentioned it before?"

"I don't usually tell people. I know discrimination against Catholics isn't as widely acknowledged as it is about other religions, but it's there and I've been a victim of it when I was a kid…so I keep it to myself because as I said, I'm a bad one, and I never know if someone might have a problem with it."

"I'm not one of those people," Jim assured.

"I didn't think you would be. Since I'll have to drive them to and from, I'm just going to spend the night there and then I can get up with them and help start on the cooking for the day."

"I'll drive you anyway."

"I don't want to take you out of your way."

"Nonsense," he told her. "It's Christmas Eve and the chances of you getting a cab are slim to none. I'll take you so I know you got there safely. It isn't a problem. Do you need to stop at your apartment first?"

"No, everything I need is in my office."

"Then let's go."

As he watched her gather up her overnight bag and the gift bags she had stowed in her office, he could tell that she still wasn't looking forward to going home for Christmas. He still had a few reservations himself and he thought that maybe if they had something to look forward to, it would make things a little better.

"What time do you think you'll be able to get away tomorrow night?" Jim asked.

"If I'm lucky, I should be out of there by nine or a little after. Why?"

"I thought maybe we could meet up tomorrow night and see how things went for each other," he replied.

A smile graced her lips. "That would be wonderful. Where do you want to meet at?"

"Since it will be dark, you go on home and I'll meet you there. If you're not there when I arrive; I'll wait for you."

"Alright, but if I'm not home yet, use your key and let yourself in so you don't have to stand around in the hallway."

He grinned. "What, you don't want your neighbors to think you have men lined up at your door."

Johanna smirked at him. "Something like that."

He laughed. "Are you ready?"

"As I'll ever be," she replied.

---

Johanna sighed as Jim pulled up in front of her parents house. She really wasn't looking forward to this.

"Are you okay?" Jim asked.

"Yeah, it's just...you know...I'm not exactly eager this year."

He smiled sympathetically. "My offer still stands."

"I know," she replied; "And a part of me would like nothing more that to take you up on it; but like Jeff, I couldn't disappoint my mother...more than I already do sometimes."

"You don't disappoint her, Jo. She just wants you to be happy."

"I know she does."

He found a pen and a scrap of paper and jotted down his parents number. "If it gets too bad or you're just not happy, call me and I'll come and get you."

"You'd leave your family to come rescue me from mine?" she asked; touched at the gesture.

"Yes," Jim answered. "You're just as important, and besides, you're my damsel."

She laughed softly. "Thank you," she said as she tucked the number away for safe keeping and extracted the card for the jeweler that she had told him about. "Here, don't lose this."

"I won't," he promised. "Thanks for finding someone who can fix my watch."

"No problem," she answered before sighing once again. "I guess I better get in there."

Jim got out of the car with her and opened the trunk so she could get her things. They lingered at the back of the car, her bags sitting on the ground next to her.

"You be careful driving tonight," he said quietly; reaching out and buttoning the top button of her coat to protect her against the cold air.

"I will," she smiled.

"If you need to hit someone and get arrested, call me and I'll get you out."

"Thanks," she laughed. "I'll remember that."

He took her hand. "Don't let anyone get to you, Jo."

"I'll try," Johanna whispered. "You have a nice Christmas with your family, Jim."

"I will, unless my mother has invited prospective brides for me and my brother."

"She wouldn't do that, would she?"

"I hope not. If she does, her gifts are going back."

"I wouldn't blame you," she laughed.

It grew quiet between them for a moment and he took the opportunity to pull her into his arms for a hug. "I'll see you tomorrow night," Jim told her as their embrace ended.

"I'm looking forward to it."

"Me too," he replied; and then, unable to resist the urge, he captured her lips in a goodnight kiss that lingered and turned into a second until a voice called out in the darkness and broke their spell.

"Johanna, is that you out there?" the voice said with a light Italian accent.

Her head fell against his chest for a moment, a small amused smile tugging at her lips, and she found it mirrored on Jim's face as she glanced up at him. It never failed. "Yes, Grandma, it's me," she called back; her hand still fisted in the material of his coat.

"You let that boy go now and come on inside before your mother sees you," Sophia Calabrese answered.

Jim laughed quietly in her ear. "Everywhere I go with you, we get called out like teenagers."

"I know," Johanna replied. "Isn't it terrible?"

"I think it's funny. At least this time it isn't a cop with a flashlight."

She giggled; recalling their summer road trip. "I guess that's true. We've now been promoted to a grandmother with a porch light."

"I can't wait to see what's next," he replied before stealing one last kiss.

"I guess I better go," she said; reluctantly slipping from his arms.

"Come along, dear," her grandmother called. "You've made his holiday merry enough for tonight."

"I guess that proves that you have to go," Jim laughed. "Will she rat you out to your mother?"

"No; she'll keep my secret since I'm going to church with her," she said as she began picking up her bags.

"Do you need help carrying those?" Jim asked.

"No," Johanna told him. "You should run while you still have the chance."

"Call if you need me."

"I will," she promised. "See you tomorrow."

He got back into the car and watched as she made her way up the walk and then the steps where she paused to kiss the cheek of the elderly woman who was waiting for her on the porch and then he drove away.

"You're not going to tell Mom about that, are you?" Johanna asked her grandmother as she looked into her twinkling blue eyes.

"And have her drive you crazy for the holiday, asking why you didn't invite him over? Of course not. What kind of grandma would I be if I did that?"

Her granddaughter smiled. "You're the best."

"I know, and don't you forget it, mi cara."

"I won't."

"By the way, good for you," Sophia remarked with a sly smile.

"What?" Johanna asked; her eyes conveying confusion.

"Good for you for getting kissed goodnight."

Johanna blushed. "Yeah well, that's our little secret," she stated as she moved towards the door. She was well aware of the fact that her mother knew she had feelings for Jim, and she was sure that her mother had suspicions about how far things had gone between them…but still, she didn't need to know. There was no reason to go down that road tonight.

---

Late in the afternoon on Christmas Day, Jim stood off to the side of the room and watched Angie play with the Barbie dolls he had gotten her. His sister-in-law, Natalie, appeared at his side, a light smirk on her lips as she appraised him.

"What?" he asked.

"Nothing," she said; amusement tingeing her voice. "You were just very spot on with Christmas presents this year."

He shrugged. "What can I say, I'm gifted."

"I didn't realize you were such an expert at picking out Barbie dolls and accessories," Natalie teased.

Jim smiled as he eyed her. "What are you getting at, Nat?"

"I don't think you picked them out yourself."

"Of course I did."

"With no help at all?" she questioned; playful suspicion in her eyes.

"Okay, so I might've had some input from a friend."

"A female friend?" she asked knowingly.

"Obviously."

"I hope you bought Johanna something nice for Christmas," Natalie quipped.

He smirked at her. "Who said it was Johanna?"

"Please, who else would it be? I'm not blind or stupid. I've met her, I've seen the two of you together, and it's quite clear that you're taken with each other. Now did you get her something nice?"

"Earrings," he answered.

Natalie nodded. "Good choice."

"I'm glad you approve."

His sister-in-law grew thoughtful for a moment and then turned her eyes back to his. "Let's see, you've introduced her to the family, you're Christmas shopping together and you've bought her jewelry. I think this is starting to get serious."

"We're friends."

Natalie scoffed. "Sure, if that's what you want to call it."

"Natalie."

"What?" she said. "There's nothing wrong with you being serious about her. I like her; we all do."

"Mom doesn't."

"Well she didn't like me either at first, but now we're a little better," the woman replied. "The kids adore her, I'm sure they'd love it if you made Johanna their aunt."

"Oh God," he muttered. "It's Christmas; shouldn't you be cutting me some slack, especially after I spoiled your kids with fantastic gifts?"

Natalie laughed. "You've more than proved that you're a wonderful uncle, Jim. I'm just saying that I know she makes you happy…and I know you love her…even if you're not ready to say it yet; although I think maybe that day is coming sometime soon. Who knows, maybe next Christmas you'll give her a ring."

Jim knew she meant no harm with her comments and he allowed them to pass without becoming defensive. "I guess we'll have to wait and see."

"I guess we will," Natalie remarked.

---

Johanna glanced at the clock on the wall and rubbed the back of her neck. It was getting close to nine; surely she could make her escape now without her mother throwing any fits about it. She slipped away from the kitchen and quietly gathered her belongings and set them by the door and then waded back through the throng of relatives to make it back to the kitchen.

"Mom," she said as she approached her. "I'm going to head home."

"So soon?" Naomi asked as she turned away from the pie she was slicing. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she replied. "Just tired."

Her mother nodded; a small look of disappointment in her eyes but it wasn't strong enough to make Johanna feel guilty. "I'll get your father to drive you home."

"You don't have to do that. I can call a cab."

Naomi shook her head. "No. Your father will drive you and make sure you get home safely."

As Naomi scurried off to make Frank do her bidding, Johanna moved toward the table where her sister-in-law was sitting with Greg asleep in her arms. Johanna leaned down and softly kissed the boy's head and then ran her fingertips over his soft dark hair.

"Merry Christmas, Valerie. Thanks for the gift."

"Same to you," Valerie replied warmly. "Is something on your mind? You seemed a bit quiet today, except for when you were playing with Greg."

"I'm fine," Johanna answered.

"I thought being quiet for a change was part of her Christmas gift to everyone," Frankie said as he entered the kitchen.

"Oh, Frankie; behave," his wife chastened. "It's Christmas."

"I'm just stating a fact," he replied. "I can still remember when she was a baby. All she did was scream her head off."

"Who wouldn't scream after finding out they were going to be related to you for the rest of their life?" Johanna responded.

Her brother smirked at her. "Getting stuck with you was no joy for me either."

"You just stop that," Naomi said; slapping her son's shoulder as she reappeared. "You're all very lucky to have each other."

"Seemed more like bad luck to me," Frankie stated. "I wanted brothers but instead I got stuck with mouthy and bug."

"That's funny," Johanna said. "Colleen and I were hoping for a brother too, but instead we got stuck with a demon."

"That's enough," their mother declared. "We don't call each other names on Christmas."

Fine," Frankie said. "I'll call her tomorrow and give her the rest of her names."

"You do that," Johanna responded. "I'll have a list waiting for you, too."

Naomi gave them 'the look' and they fell silent. "That's better," she said. "Now you two hug."

"What!" they both exclaimed; finding the command slightly distasteful. They each felt that it was enough that they could get along and peacefully coexist for the most part. There's was no reason to add unnecessary mushiness into the equation.

"You heard me," Naomi stated, turning her gaze towards her son. "Hug your sister."

"Why?" they both asked.

"Because we're a family and that's what families do. It won't hurt you to hug each other once in awhile."

"Have you been watching The Waltons again?" Frankie asked.

"Never mind that."

"Is Dad taking me home?" Johanna asked; hoping to distract her.

"He's looking for his keys. Now hug your brother."

Brother and sister shared a look of slight annoyance. "I thought now that we were grown that she wouldn't make us do this anymore," Frankie said. "She needs to quit watching that show."

"They need to cancel it," Johanna agreed. "Let's just do it and get it over with so she'll let me leave."

He nodded in agreement and they embraced each other for the briefest of seconds all in the name of making their mother happy.

"See, that wasn't so bad, was it?" Naomi smiled.

They gave indulgent smiles and mumbled the agreements she wanted to hear.

"Now you both need to hug Colleen."

"We hugged her at her wedding!" Frankie exclaimed.

"And you'll both hug her today," their mother stated firmly.

"Isn't the year of Colleen over yet?" Frankie asked as he looked at Johanna.

"Apparently not," she replied. "I'll see you around."

"Bye, mouthy."

She gave a wave and moved into the living room. Colleen was discussing her wedding with a relative who had been fortunate enough to miss it. Johanna leaned over the sofa and gave her a hug which Colleen returned without even pausing her conversation. With her duty done, Johanna turned to the corner of the room where her grandmother had taken up residence in an arm chair.

"I'm heading home, Grandma," she told her; pressing a kiss to her cheek before kneeling down beside her.

"Are you running off to kiss that boy some more?" Sophia whispered; her eyes dancing in amusement.

"Maybe I am and maybe I'm not," Johanna replied mischievously; "And just so you know, he's a man, not a boy."

"When you get to be my age, everyone younger than you are boys and girls."

She laughed. "Merry Christmas, Grandma."

"Merry Christmas to you, darling," Sophie told her as she reached for her and embraced her. "You come and see me when you can."

"I will," she promised. "Maybe you can come stay with me one weekend."

"I'd like that," the older woman replied. "But let's wait until it's warmer."

"Deal."

Sophia's eyes glittered and she beckoned her to lean close. "You're not fooling me a bit. I know you're going to meet him."

"What of it?" Johanna asked with a smile.

Her grandmother grinned. "Good for you."

Johanna laughed and kissed her once more before rising and moving towards the door. Her parents joined her there as she buttoned her coat.

"Did you hug your sister and grandmother?" Naomi asked.

"Yes."

"Do you think you can manage one more for your mother?" she questioned.

"Of course, Mama," Johanna said as she settled into her mothers arms. "I love you."

"I love you too, Bambina."

"Alright, let's go," Frank stated as he shifted on his feet at the door.

"Hug your daughter first, Frank," Naomi stated; her gaze daring him to defy her.

Frank reluctantly pulled Johanna in for a one armed hug that last all of a second and then beckoned her to pick up her belongings.

"We're going to have to work on that," Naomi stated as he opened the door.

"You might not want to spread that news around," Johanna told her as she moved to follow her father. "It'll kill the holiday cheer."

---

As her father pulled away from the house, Johanna stifled a sigh of relief and kept her gaze turned toward the window. Silence filled the air between them but she wasn't surprised by that. Silence usually lingered on the rare occasions when she was alone with her father. She didn't mind. It was better that way. If they didn't speak, they wouldn't fight, and then peace could continue to reign in the McKenzie family. Her thoughts turned to Jim and she wondered if he had made his escape yet and was waiting for her. She just wanted to see him so badly at that moment; but it was more than that. It was also the simple fact that she knew that she had the freedom to seek out his arms for a long embrace that would warm her heart and soul.

"What's your problem?" Frank asked; shattering her daydream of the moment that was awaiting her.

"What?" she asked as she shook away her reverie.

"What's your problem?" he repeated; a hint of sharpness in his tone as usual as his gaze flicked towards her for a brief second.

"Nothing," she answered; her expression conveying her puzzlement over the statement.

He scoffed. "Don't give me that. You've had that sour look on your face all day."

"I don't have a sour look on my face," Johanna protested.

"Yes you do. I've seen you wear that look enough times to be able to identify it when I see it. You were born with it."

"How would you know? You weren't there when I was born."

"Is it my fault there was a damn blizzard and I couldn't get to your mother?" Frank exclaimed. "If you had been born when you were supposed to be, we wouldn't have had that problem."

Johanna bit her lip; she hadn't even been born right. That was quite a feat, she figured. There probably weren't too many people who screwed up being born. "I don't have a problem," she said once again; allowing his remark to pass without comment; although she had been tempted to say that perhaps she had delayed her birth to spare herself the agony of meeting him for as long as possible.

"Then why were you in such a hurry to leave?" he demanded to know. "You could've left with the others and caught a ride from one of them. Instead I have to be dragged out of my house to drive you home."

"I didn't ask you to!" she retorted. "I was fine with calling a cab or walking until I could catch one. You didn't have to get up out of your chair if you didn't want to."

"Oh yeah right," Frank stated, "And then I could listen to your mother harp about it all damn night. You always have to cause an issue, Johanna."

"I didn't realize that it was such a crime to want to go home," his daughter commented tartly. "I've only been there since last night. Let's not forget that it was me that drove Mom and Grandma to midnight mass; and that I was up with them at dawn to start the cooking for the day. It was me that had to help deal with all the relatives that filed in all day long and watch their kids when you had enough of the noise and sent them outside to play. I also helped Mom clean up everything after dinner. I'm tired and I have a headache, Dad. I just want the peace of my own home now. I think I fulfilled my holiday obligations with the family."

"We're all tired," he retorted; "Don't you think your mother wanted you to stay until everyone was gone? You could've spent the night again if you're so tired."

"I highly doubt that I will be missed with the houseful that she has."

"Oh, so that's what it is," Frank remarked. "You weren't getting enough attention, so you decided to go home and pout about it instead of being with your family."

"It's after nine!" Johanna exclaimed. "I've been with my family for almost twenty-four straight hours; and as for not getting enough attention, you are so far off base that it isn't even funny. I don't want attention! I just want to go home."

"The hell you don't. I've never seen a girl as needy as you, Johanna."

"You know what; just believe what you want. You're going to anyway no matter what I say. You think you have me so figured out and you don't know me at all."

"I know when you've insulted me," Frank accused.

Johanna's head snapped towards him. "When did I insult you?"

"With this," he said as he took one hand from the wheel and reached into his pocket and pulled out the card she had given him, which was now crumpled and the hundred dollar bill that she had placed inside it.

"It's my gift to you, how is it an insult?" she asked; a small tremor of pain shooting across her heart as he tossed the objects onto her lap.

"Who do you think you are, throwing your money around like that? Giving it to me like I need it! I don't need your goddamn money! I have my own!"

"It wasn't meant like that at all!"

"Oh, it wasn't?" he asked snidely. "I think it was."

"It wasn't," she told him. "I gave you money because you always hate anything I buy for you. Like last year when I got you a new wallet because you said you needed one. I ended up having to take it back, just like every other gift I've ever given you."

"That wallet was black!" he yelled.

"So what!"

"I always carry a brown wallet and you know it!"

"And God forbid if you should have some variety in your life," Johanna said sharply.

"I don't want your damn money, Johanna! You're just trying to show off."

"No, I'm not. I figured if I gave you money, you could go buy yourself something you'd like with it. Use it to play golf with your friends, spend it at your club, buy something you've been wanting."

"I don't want it," Frank stated; his tone low and unnerving. "I don't want anything from you."

It hurt, but she wouldn't allow herself to cry even though the tears pricked at her eyes. She blinked them away and swallowed hard as she nodded.

"Fine, Dad," she said as she shoved the money into her purse. "If you want nothing, then nothing is what you'll get. This will be the last gift that I ever give you. From now on, you won't get a damn thing from me for Christmas, your birthday, or Father's Day. You won't even get so much as a card from me," she stated, ripping up the card she had given him and throwing the pieces onto the floor of the car to punctuate her point. "I'm done playing these games with you every time a holiday comes around."

"Are you through with your tantrum now?" he asked; his eyes flicking to the pieces on the floor as he stopped at a light.

"Oh I'm through, alright," she remarked; "And since you're in the business of spreading holiday cheer tonight, you can be the one to tell Mom that I won't be in attendance for the New Year's Day gathering."

"Oh you won't?" her father retorted. "And just where the hell will you be?"

"I'm going to a party on New Year's Eve and I don't intend to leave it sober," Johanna replied. "I hope to spend the first day of the New Year at home, nursing the biggest hangover of my life with the knowledge that I had one hell of a good time while acquiring it."

"That's ladylike," he remarked with a sneer of distaste.

"You know what, Dad," Johanna said as something within her broke free. "Maybe it's time I stop being so much of a lady and start using my backbone more often. Pull over right here, I can walk the rest of the way," she told him as she sized up the location and saw that it would only be a ten minute walk to her apartment.

"Don't be ridiculous!"

"Pull over," she said sternly.

Frank muttered a few curses under his breath and pulled over. Johanna picked up the overnight bag and the gift bags that were crowding her feet and opened the door. "Merry Christmas, Dad. Thanks for the ride; and don't worry, the next time I need a way home, I'll call a friend to pick me up."

He began to reply to her statement but she slammed the door, blotting out his words and adjusted her grip on the things she was carrying and began striding down the sidewalk with her head held high.

Frank's gaze once again flicked towards the ripped up Christmas card and then moved back to the form of his daughter as she walked away from him. He couldn't just drive away when she was walking the streets at this time of night, which only went to prove that she didn't have the sense God gave a goose, he thought to himself. Once she was up the street a good ways, he pulled out and slowly followed behind her at a distance. A paternal surge of protectiveness for his child made him want to see to it that she got inside her building safely. He was sure that she would scoff at the thought that he cared about her safety but regardless of what she thought, he'd see her home for his own peace of mind and then she could go back to being Naomi's problem.

As she approached the front of her building, a man appeared, seemingly from nowhere at the opposite end of the sidewalk. Frank's stomach clenched as the man kept walking in the direction of his daughter. Fear gripped him and he pressed on the accelerator, increasing his speed a bit to get closer to the scene; but then he realized that Johanna was hurrying towards the stranger and that her posture had relaxed. He eased off the gas pedal and pulled over to watch her. If it was someone that wasn't a threat, then he'd go on, if not, at least he'd be close enough to do something.

As he watched his daughter step willingly into the arms of the stranger, he had a strong feeling that his presence wasn't needed. A street light illuminated her face and he could see that the sour look he had accused her of had been washed away and a serene smile had taken its place. The man was still shadowed, but Frank could see the tight embrace he had his daughter wrapped in. He saw a hand move lovingly over the back of her head.

Who was he?" Frank wondered. Was he the man that Naomi had been insisting Johanna had feelings for? He was sure that Naomi had mentioned his name but he couldn't recall it…he probably hadn't been listening all that closely. Was he the man who had helped her to sneak into the Blue Moon Club a few months before...the one who had been in her bedroom when he stopped at her apartment after that showdown at the club; the one who had taken her on vacation over the summer? Whoever he was, they seemed more than friendly in his opinion, and if that was the case, was this man good enough for his girl? If this man was the one that she worked with, then at least he was certain that he had a good job and his own money and wasn't after hers. He didn't, however, know anything of his character, aside from the fact that popular opinion seemed to believe that his daughter thought highly of him. Knowing that didn't hold any weight with Frank.

He was well aware of the fact that his daughter had inherited her mother's trait of thinking with her heart more than her brain. She could be naive and taken advantage of if her head was in the clouds. He couldn't abide by that. He couldn't have her affections being trifled with...but then again, what could he do about it? She was a grown woman and she seemed to take great measures at guarding her personal life from the family. He didn't know who her friends were, with the exception of Sharon who had come into the picture in her teenage years. He didn't know who she was seeing romantically; and unlike Naomi, he had a feeling she wasn't as alone as she portrayed herself to be.

The proof was in the smile on her face at that very moment, the way she obviously couldn't keep from touching the man before her as she smoothed a hand over his coat as their embrace ended. Frank watched as Jim took the bags from her hand and then laid his hand against the small of her back to guide her to the door, which he opened for her when they reached it. Frank eased the car down the street once they disappeared inside, and pulling up in front of the building, he was able to see them through the glass doors as they waited for the elevator. He should leave but he seemed stuck there as he watched them, his daughter laughing and becoming animated as she talked to her friend. Happiness seemed to radiate from her and he wondered if that stranger was why she had been in such a hurry to get home. From what he could tell now that he saw the man in the dim light of the building, he did look like the man he had seen her with at the Blue Moon Club.

Had they planned this meeting? Was he the reason for that secret spark that seemed to linger in her green eyes? Was she going to such great lengths to keep him from the family because he was the one that had finally stolen her heart? From where he was sitting, his eldest girl looked very much like a woman in love. For some reason unknown to him, the memory of the first time he had held Johanna flashed in his mind. As her father, he functioned on the assumption that he was the most important man in her life...and suddenly he felt like he had been replaced.

His gaze returned to the couple inside the building and he watched as Johanna's hand slipped into Jim's as they boarded the elevator. Somehow it felt like he had just lost his little girl...but then again, he figured Johanna could argue that he had never really had her to begin with. Frank shook those thoughts away; he didn't want to think about it. She was home safely and clearly she was with the company that she preferred. He put the car in drive and pulled away, he was no longer needed there.

---

Once Jim and Johanna were settled on her sofa with mugs of hot coffee within reach and the lights of the Christmas tree casting them aglow, he turned towards her and asked her the question that had been nagging at him ever since he had seen her walking towards him outside.

"Jo, you didn't walk home all the way from your parents house, did you?"

"No," she said with a shake of her head. "My father drove me most of the way."

"Why didn't he drive you all the way?"

Johanna shifted slightly. "I told him to pull over and let me out. I only had a ten minute walk."

"He let you walk the rest of the way in the dark," Jim exclaimed.

"I told him to let me out," she said again. "I've walked by myself at nighttime before."

"I know," Jim replied; "And I don't like it. It's not safe."

She smiled indulgently and covered his hand with hers. "I'm okay."

"That's not the point..."

"I know," she said softly. "I know you worry about me; and I promise that I don't do it all that often."

He gave a small nod, allowing that portion of the discussion to drop. "Why did you get out of the car?"

She shifted uncomfortably in her seat. "We were having an argument and I decided it was best just to get out and send him on his way."

"What were you arguing about?"

Johanna took a breath and told him about the conversation that she and her father had on the way to her apartment. His hand tightened around hers as she told the story and when she was finished, she glanced at him and saw the tightness in his jaw. "It's alright, Jim," she told him quietly; hoping to soothe away the distress he seemed to feel about the situation.

"No it isn't," he answered. "It's wrong in so many ways."

"I know that...but it doesn't matter. He'll never change and I've accepted that."

"When are you going to introduce me to him?" Jim asked.

She laughed. "You don't want to meet him."

"I think I do."

"Trust me, you don't. Now let's forget about my father and discuss something more pleasant. Did Angie like her gifts?"

He smiled as he thought of his niece and the glee that had been on her face as she ripped open her gifts. "She loved all of it; that doll with the God awful name was just the one she wanted."

Johanna smiled. "See, I told you so. You did a good job."

He chuckled, a feeling of happiness spreading through him at the pride she had in him. "She loved the ballerina Barbie too, and she was thrilled with that Barbie case you told me to get her."

"What about the outfits for them?"

"If the squealing is any indication, I'd say she was tickled."

"I bet you're her favorite uncle now."

"That rumor was going around but I didn't ask her to confirm it or deny it; although she did hug me a lot."

Johanna laughed. "I think that was probably her confirmation of the rumor. What about the other kids? Did they like their gifts?"

Jim nodded. "They all seemed pleased."

"And what about Madelyn?"

He grinned. "She loves the record player. She said she was starting to think that no one had picked up on her hints."

She nudged him as she giggled. "I told you so! I told you she had been hinting."

Jim laughed. "That's it, go ahead and gloat. That can be an extra Christmas gift for you."

"I gladly accept," she replied mischievously. "Did your mother like the jewelry box?"

"Mother reacted in typical fashion," he chuckled. "She opened it, admired it and then said, it's lovely...but you know I do prefer oak over these darker woods, dear."

"Oh lord," Johanna replied. "Is she making you take it back?"

"No, she said she was keeping it...she just wishes that it was oak instead."

"Well two out of three isn't bad."

"That's true," Jim answered; "And if she had loved it without any complaint at all, it wouldn't have seemed like Christmas."

"I hope you weren't the only one who got that reaction."

"Of course not," he told her. "We all got a comment. My mother's pickiness doesn't discriminate. We all expect it and for the most part, we over look it and laugh about it when she's out of earshot. I'm determined to get her one day though. One day, I'll find a gift that she'll accept without a word."

"I'm sure you will," Johanna assured. "So you had a nice Christmas over all?"

"Yes; it was nice but I was ready to make my escape," he said; while silently adding that he had just been ready to come and be with her for awhile. "How was your Christmas?"

"It was fine," she answered. "More relatives showed up than we expected but it wasn't as bad as I had feared. I kept busy though so that might have helped. Like you, I was ready to make my escape though."

"Did you get your sweater?" he inquired.

She smiled widely and got up from the sofa to snatch the gift bag which was packed full of packages. She pulled out a box and rejoined him, sitting it on her lap and opening it.

"I got two of them!" she exclaimed as she folded back the tissue paper and lifted out a cream colored cashmere sweater for him to see.

Jim laughed. "I'm so glad. My sister-in-law got Madelyn one and I sat there thinking 'Oh God I hope that's not Johanna's and she's getting disappointed at this very moment."

"I almost thought that was going to be the case," she replied. "This was the last gift I opened from my mother and my hopes were practically dashed. Look at this one," she said; holding up the emerald green cashmere sweater for him to see.

He smiled. "You'll look real pretty in that, sweetheart."

He could see the blush on her cheeks even in the dim lighting. "It matches my earrings," she said softly; her gaze flicking to his.

"That it does, I see you're wearing them."

Johanna nodded. "I wore them to church last night."

"Did you tell your mother where they came from?" he asked with amusement.

"No," she laughed. "If I had told her that, there wouldn't have been any peace for me last night or today."

"I don't blame you a bit. I'm glad that you had a nice Christmas though...I thought of you," Jim admitted.

She sat the box on the floor before giving her attention back to him. "I thought of you, too," she confessed. "And it was a nice holiday...but I think it's even better now."

Jim smiled, his fingers reaching out to caress her face. "I think so too," he said before leaning towards her and claiming her lips in a sweet kiss. "Merry Christmas, Johanna."

"Merry Christmas, Jim," she whispered as she shifted closer, wanting to be in his arms for their next kiss.

A Merry Christmas indeed, she thought as they lingered in each other's embrace as they talked and shared kisses in the glow of light cast by the Christmas tree. If sharing Christmas with him was going to be like this, then she couldn't wait for next year.