Homecoming
Chapter 20: Family
Annabeth had her head resting upon Percy's chest, her ear pressed over his heart as she took solace in the steady beating of his resting pulse. His arms protectively wrapped around her as he slumbered, his face, peaceful and serene while at rest, seemingly only to display such tranquility when she was with him.
If she were to be honest, this was her favorite place in all the world, held in his arms, protected from all the horrors of the world that tried so fiercely to tear them apart. But just as his arms encircled her, shielded her from the harshness of life, so to were her arms wrapped around him, her right hand, as so often applied, rested against the sensitive and scarred skin of where his Achilles' Curse had been. Protectively her left arm was draped over his chest, her fingers resting against his right shoulder.
For them, this was the only way they could even find comfort at night, sheltered in each others embrace, a silent vow to safeguard one another from all things that lingered in the dark. And as Annabeth laid in bed, curled against Percy's side, her mind was drawn to everything that had happened in the past few months. Certainly the fact that the two young demigods had graduated high school was a significant accomplishment, but it was followed shortly after by the meeting with their godly parents that seemed to add more anxiety than comfort to the pair.
Hestia had informed them that they were under no obligation to speak to any Olympian because of what she had done, and yet, for Annabeth, she was torn by indecision of what she wanted from her relationship with Athena. Part of her was angry at being thrown onto that damn suicide mission to retrieve her statue just to prove her worth to a goddess that rarely spoke to her.
A larger part however, hated that Athena and Hera had manipulated her and Percy into involving themselves in the second Giant War. She had expected nothing less from the matriarch of Olympus, but to know of her mother's own role in Percy's abduction and her building obsession to find him, it was a betrayal she doubted she would ever forgive. But, she supposed, that was just the way it was for the Olympians, they cared little their children unless they were of use to them. And yet, despite all of that, there was still some small, albeit insignificant part of her that wanted to prove herself to her godly mother, wanted to be congratulated and honored. Because she was so starved for acceptance from her own mother, she craved it, and she hated that all the more, the manipulation that fed into those desires of childish accreditation.
She was disgusted by the dismissal of so many of the gods, dangling promises of love that they would never provide...and for what? The occasional pat on the head? She could not help but wonder if the gods even understood what love was.
The emotional states of her and Percy were, in a word, all the proof they needed to how insignificant the lives of demigods were to the Olympians. Entertainment, bragging rights, the occasional world saving quests...apart from that, what did the gods offer their children? It was a feeling that left Annabeth feeling deeply hollow, and save for Percy, she so often struggled to find a sense of balance in her own life.
All of this only further manifested the underlining fear of whether the two of them would ever grow beyond the stagnation of their emotional and mental fragility. Individually and collectively, the pair was beginning to lose hope that they could get beyond this stagnation, and the subtle doubt began settling within them both that this was the simply their new normal.
Some part of her, small and insignificant as it was, needled at her mind as to whether they simply were holding each other back. The thought...the fear that Percy could not get beyond this ridge of anxiety because he was devoting so much of his time supporting her, and vice versa, began festering in her mind. It was a fear that their devotions to each other left little time to work on themselves. It was a foolish sentiment at best, because they had discussed this probability in great detail and both agreed that the two of them were the only ones keeping each other moving forward. To even keep each other from sinking deeper into their well of despair. While they may had stagnated, even temporarily, at least they were not moving backwards in their healing. That, and knowing that all they needed within this world was each other was enough to dismiss those fears out right.
But despite the reassurances and the knowledge, at least as far as Annabeth was concerned, that without each other, they would crumble to ash and cease to be, the fear still lingered. Her deeply analytical mind could not help but wonder if this was not the residual effects of Tartarus, feeding on her insecurities, on all of their insecurities.
Percy, in no small part to the years of dismissive teachers and bullying classmates, had felt the lingering doubt that he was ever good enough. He seemed so often taken aback when someone would pay him a compliment or offer words of encouragement, that he seemed unwilling how to respond. In regards to her, there was never any doubt in the strength of their relationship, but rather doubt that he was good enough for her. It was a foolish uncertainty at best, because there would never be anyone she could love as deeply and as completely as him. He was her rock in so much of their emotional struggles, that she could not even contemplate her life without him, and if need be, she would spend the rest of her life reassuring him of that, until he finally believed he was good not, not just for her, but for all the compliments levied upon him.
But that of course had fed into her own anxiety, her fear of abandonment that had never fully resolved within herself. Her greatest, most paralyzing fear was that he, like so many others, would leave her. It would not be because he had grown tired of her, but because she would do something stupid, say something she could not take back and inadvertently push him away. And with Percy's fear of insecurity, he might believe her. That fear was crippling, and at times would leave her paralyzed in a panic attack. She had spoken to Percy in length about it, praying he would understand, begging that if she ever said anything that hurt him, to please not take it to heart. She would never intentionally hurt him, but in the midst of her panic attacks, she was only marginally conscious of the words that would pour out of her mouth, words that she would never mean if she were in right mind. Yet she could not be certain her own mind would not betray her...and that was perhaps the hardest truth of all, that she no longer had faith that her mind to work for her, and when understanding that her greatest asset could no longer be trusted, that realization terrified her beyond words.
When they had spoken of this, Annabeth laying forth her barest and most raw fears before him, letting herself be vulnerable in way she would only reveal to him, Percy merely held her as she broke down in tears, terrified that she might do something to ruin what they had. Yet, as he held her, he whispered a simple promise that she was never getting away from him again, and that they would work through everything as a team. Because they were stronger together to the point that they could not even exist if they were apart, and the truth of their relationship was simple; there was no Annabeth without Percy, and there was no Percy without Annabeth. That simple thread had been woven into the fabric of their fate, it defined them and it made them one.
In that breath of a moment when he uttered those words to her, she knew that if she lived a thousand lifetimes, she would never understand how Percy could say exactly what she needed to hear. And she would never doubt him.
As for the third member of the unlucky trio, as it were, from information they had gathered from Frank and Hazel, Nico was dealing with crippling claustrophobia. The reality fit into her theory that Tartarus fed on the worst fears of each person like a parasite, and broke them all accordingly. After Bianca's death, Nico had shut himself off from everyone. To feel isolated, alone, trapped in a box that he believed others had put him in...it was no wonder enclosed places fed on those anxieties. She had so hoped Will could help him recover.
Maybe, when they were all emotionally stronger, they could all meet together again and discuss what Tartarus had done to them all, what it had taken from each of them. But in the interim, she did not believe she was strong enough to face that yet, nor was Percy, nor was Nico. But someday, she would hope that someday they would be…
The stirring of Percy's sleeping form silenced Annabeth's mind as she focused on the waking form of her fiance. Finding comfort in the familiar weight against his chest, he turned his head and opened his eyes against the glaring light of the morning as he stared fixedly at the beautiful vision of of his precious fiance. As with every morning when his eyes fluttered open and fixed themselves upon her, her own eyes would widen and her lips would form a small "O", as if entranced by the simple act of her beloved Percy waking to face the world with her.
And to her, it was. She had said it before and she would say it every day of their lives that, to her, watching him wake was the most beautiful vision in world.
"Hey," he smiled, his voice husky with sleep as he fixed her with his full attention.
"Hey you," she replied, uncurling herself from his side and stretching her body to lay beside him, her lips finding his in a sweet morning greeting. With that, she lay her head on his shoulder, their arms wrapping around each other as was customary until they were ready to vacate the bed.
As they lay there, and though it was only marginal, Percy could feel the tense quiver in Annabeth's body. Turning his attention to her face, partially hidden by her hair, he reached up and stroked the curls away from her face so he could fully gaze upon this perfect vision.
"Talk to me," he said. This had become their adopted phrase. They had fallen into the habit of never asking their partner what was wrong, or if they were okay. They simply knew each other so well that they could feel when the other needed to talk, and knew that they would not hide anything from their lover.
Stalling only briefly as she drew random images against his chest, she spoke softly to him. For the moment, Annabeth cursed herself. She had been so caught up in memories of the pain and doubt of their past, that she failed to push those thoughts aside and devote her attention to Percy. This would be a rough day for them both, but for him especially, and he would need her support. Yet, she allowed her own struggling mind to consume her thoughts. "I-I was thinking about our lives, about how much we've changed..."
As the words lingered in the air, Percy furrowed his brow, waiting for her to continue. He had a fairly good idea the direction her mind was taking her, and was immediately developing counter arguments against her wavering doubts.
When he did not prompt her to continue, she voiced her words to him. "Tartarus really messed us up, you know. And, I don't know, maybe I was just thinking that, you fell in love with me before we fell in, and you know, now that we're out...am I still the same person? Are you, are we? Am I still the same person you fell in love with?"
"Hey, enough of that..."
"Is this our lives from now on Percy? Terrified of every shadow we see, paranoid that we're living on borrowed time? Some damn part of our mind questioning if we ever got out at all, and everything we see is just the shattering of our broken minds in an effort to help us cope?
"We can barely function if we're not in the same room now! What happens when we start college? Sure, we can take the same general studies classes the next couple years, but what happens after? We'll be having separate class schedules...can we even make it that far?" The thoughts of all those pending 'what ifs' began dropping one after the other onto her, that her breath began to quicken and her body began to shake in response. "I-I can't...even being out of the same room as you, I can't even breathe. It's like, all the air gets forced out of my lungs and I get so desperately panicked when you're not beside me and I can't function...and then the reality hits me that I don't want to function without you there because you're the only thing keeping me sane.
"I need you, I need you so bad and I'm so very scared of doing something stupid and pushing you away which will only break me further, and...I...I..."
"Annabeth stop," Percy pleaded, at this point, sitting up in bed, his motion forcing her to follow as he gripped her arms and held her so she would stare at determination painted upon his face. Within a moment though, he understood this was not what she needed and pulled her to him, his arms crushing her as close to him as he could, slowing his breathing rhythmically in the way Frederic had shown them both, all the while whispering words of love and devotion to calm her anxieties. "Look, I don't know okay? I wish I had the answers, I do, but...I don't.
"All I know is, I love you with everything I will ever be. I always have and I always will," he said, his eyes shimmering in the hard emotions of all his doubt, fears, love and hope that never seemed to cease the whirlwind of his anxieties. "Look, I admit, we're not who we were before we fell into that gods damned pit. But you are still you. The same amazingly brilliant, compassionate, beautiful person you've always been. You ware still the love of my life. Yeah, maybe we've changed, and maybe not for the best...but I love you with every fiber of my existence, flaws and all, and nothing in all creation is ever going to change that...okay?
"What is it they say...you know 'In the best of times and in the worst of times, in sickness and in health, for money and not money...til death do us part?"
A part sob, part laugh bubbled past Annabeth's lips as she shook her head, "I think you just mixed up the beginning of A Tale of Two Cities with the wedding vows."
"Who cares," Percy shrugged, his fingers cupping the subtle curve of Annabeth's jaw while his thumb wiped away the tears from her eyes. "We'll make our own vows. But the point is Annabeth, we're together, and even when we're at our weakest we're still strong enough to get through this."
"Promise you won't ever leave me?"
"I swear it..."
"Even if I say something stupid? Something that I would never, ever mean if I wasn't in a fit or an attack?" She whispered, her voice breaking under the fear that her mind was becoming her enemy. For a child of Athena, to not trust one's own thoughts or ideas was horrifying...and that reality had now hit her square in the face, that she had lost the ability to trust her own thoughts, and this was only further evidence of the curse of Tartarus. Percy knew what that doubt was doing to her, and he hated everything in the godly world that made her suffer so.
But he did not reply with words, yet brought his ring to his lips and whispered, "home". Immediately the attractive drawl settled upon both young lovers. Some time after they had used it at their graduation, to counter the fear of the pushing and jostling crowd of students, they had attempted to reduce their dependency on the blessing of Hestia, if for no other reason than the pair agreed they had become dependent on it, that it was a crutch that, while pulling them many times from their darker thoughts, was something they were becoming too reliant upon. But still, in this moment, Percy did not hesitate to activate the bond that they shared, for the blessing was merely a catalyst for the strength of their bond, and it reinforced what was truly important, each other.
For several moments, Annabeth simply clung to Percy, her head nestled in the crook of his neck. She had wrapped her arms tightly around him, holding him as if he were a lifeline to keep her from slipping to darker places, because that was exactly what he was. And as her mind began to settle, she was angry with herself for not dealing with this sooner. She had known, had felt the onset of a panic attack for the past week...she was overdue as it was, but felt she could push through regardless. Partly due to her pride, but mostly because that this day in particular would be a tough day for Percy, and he would need her to be strong for him. And yet, she hadn't considered that this would be a tough day for her as well, and pushing those troubling thoughts to the back of her mind had done her no favors.
"Tell me what you need..." Percy said, his voice steeped with emotion as he nestled his cheek against her hair.
"Just hold me..."
"Always," he whispered his promise, kissing the top of her head and embracing her tightly, holding her firmly against him in their shared comfort and love...held within the haven of their devotion. In retrospect he should have expected something like this would come up eventually. He had had two panic attacks since her last one, and he knew she was doing all she could to hold it back. But he had also know how nervous she had seemed since her conversation with her mother. How uneasy about everything she had become. They had told each other about their meeting with their parent, but Annabeth, for reasons he could not fully understand, took deep offense to know that her mother had manipulated the two of them to involve them in the prophesy.
Percy had taken the news in stride. He was certainly livid at being a tool of the gods once more, but he had accepted long ago that the Olympians only ever acted in their own best interests. And as he said, even if they left his memories of Annabeth in tact as a way to manipulate him, that was only confirmation that the gods understood how important she was to him. But Annabeth, her fatal flaw he supposed, felt even more nibbling guilt that it was their relationship that prompted the gods to manipulate them in the first place, and it was her mother, of all the Olympians, who had set the plan in motion.
Today was going to be a hard day for both of them, and he could only draw the conclusion that she had been holding it together this long for his sake, and yet, it had all just become too much.
"You are all I will ever need. And I made a promise that I won't ever leave you. Because I love you more than any man has ever love a woman. No matter how we were before Tartarus, you are still perfect, and I am absolutely and completely in love with you, and that will never change."
For Annabeth, she tightened her hold on Percy, her eyes closing in comfort while resting her head against his shoulder. "Thank you," she whispered softly, her voice quivering as she forced the words past the lump in her throat. "And I'm sorry, sorry for all this, I just...I just needed to hear that."
"You never need to apologize, and I'll be here to hold you, and tell you over and over how much I love you, as many times as you need. And, even when you get sick of hearing it, I'll keep saying it."
"No, don't ever stop saying it because I'll never get tired of hearing it. And I know how much you love Percy, I really do, its just..."
"Feeding on our fears," he replied, echoing her words from earlier conversations.
Nodding her head as she tightened her hold, thankful how understanding and supportive he was she whispered, "It is," she said allowing herself to melt into his arms as he held her close to his body. "Is this the rest of our lives Percy? Is this our new normal? Waiting to see how long we can hold out before all of our stress crashes on our heads? Dragging you down repeatedly every time I have a panic attack?"
"Hey, I've had more than my share of attacks too, okay? And for the record, neither of us drag each other down. When you have a panic attack, I'm here to lift you out of it, just like you do for me when I have an attack. We've been through this before."
"I know," she lamented, resigning the comment to Percy's credit. "It's just, I'm so sick of this...going on nine months since we fell in that fucking hole and we're still just getting by. And there's no way I'd make it without you...I just can't. And I hate feeling this weak and insecure...afraid of everything I say and do."
"I know, I feel the same way." he said. He had no answers to give, no reassurances. They had discussed this numerous times, the fact that there may well be no way back for them, to be as they were before their journey through hell. That this, the fear and anxiety and paranoia was the new norm. And that was perhaps more terrifying than the demons that caused all this.
"Do you know what really sucks?" Annabeth asked, breaking the silence as she again rested her hand on Percy's lower back. Even if the bond was no longer there, it was still a symbolic gesture. "I keep wanting to get back to how I was, you know...before we fell into that pit. And I don't even remember who that person is anymore. How can I become someone who no longer exists? How can I get back to being the person I was before, if I can't even remember her?"
Percy moved his hand to thread his fingers through the curls of Annabeth's hair as he brought his lips close to her ear. "Well," he began, his voice tickling her skin. "She was more confident, more sure of herself. She didn't second guess herself so much. She was so sure of everything, it was a little intimidating."
Annabeth moved to pull away, to look at Percy, to read his expression, but he tightened his hold, letting her know he wanted her to stay right where she was, to which she accepted. "Can I tell you a secret?" He whispered in her ear, his breath causing goosebumps to explode over her skin.
Nodding her head in response, she let her eyes focus on the bare wall behind Percy as she waited for him to continue. "I don't mind it so much," as he said this, Annabeth pulled away, her eyes confused as she stared into the evergreen irises of her fiance.
"I know all this sucks Annabeth, believe me I know. And I feel just as emotionally weak and vulnerable as you do, and that's not something either of us have ever dealt with before. But you know, even if we feel like a burden to each other sometimes...and yeah, I feel it too. Every time I have a panic attack or a nightmare or I'm just having a bad day, you're there to hold me, and comfort me until the worst of it is gone, and you tell me how much you love me and that I'm going to be okay, because you're right there beside me. And I'm there to do the same thing for you when you need it," he said, kissing her forehead as proof of his current actions to her.
"I remember us being so stubborn before. Unwilling to share our fears and doubts, always trying to show that we were fine without showing our emotions. To show how scared we really were. I don't know, maybe it's just me, but I like being there to hold you and comfort you, to support you when you need me."
Annabeth moved forward, capturing Percy's lips with her own, kissing him deeply and passionately, desperately hoping to reveal all the emotions, all the love and need she felt for him in that single gesture. When she pulled away, breathless, her eyes fixated upon the dazed and unfocused expression on Percy's face, she allowed a slight smile to part her lips. "It's not just you."
Percy still seemed unable to find the ability to form words while Annabeth moved forward to rest her head on his shoulder. "How do you always do it Percy? How do you always seem to manage to fix everything?"
"Because you give me a reason to," he answered simply, his arms holding her as she returned to her place against his shoulder.
Before any further words could be spoken, a knock on the bedroom door, followed by Sally pushing her way into the room broke the tension. As her eyes fell upon Percy, holding Annabeth in comfort, she had seemingly become aware that the blonde demigod had a panic attack, or at the very least, needed to be comforted in that moment.
"Sorry, but...um...breakfast is ready. Wanted to let you both know before it got cold," she said, offering a wavering smile to her son and eventual daughter-in-law before closing the door as she departed.
Annabeth and Percy did not reply or say anything, simply remained on Percy's bed for several minutes, holding each other as they each found solace in the arms of their lover. Pulling away at last, the black haired demigod fixed his eyes upon his beloved Annabeth. "You better now?"
Nodding her head, though an expression of shame and embarrassment flitting across her eyes, she moved to disentangle herself from Percy, only for him to grip her hand and stay her departure. Standing to join her, he rested his hands on her hips and kissed her softly, hoping to ease her unsteady emotions.
Falling against him, she wrapped her arms around his neck and held him close to her. "I don't know what I did to deserve you Seaweed Brain, but I must have done something right. Because as crazy as my life is...you're still here, doing your best to take care of me...and I love you so much for that, and, well, for you being you."
A gentle smile crossed Percy's face as he held her closer, his forehead resting against hers as he closed his eyes. "You don't know how many times a day I think that exact same thing about you. We've had each others backs since we were twelve years old, and you've been there this whole journey, catching me when I stumble, lifting me up, giving me a reason to not surrender to all of my fears and doubts...because we're a team, partners, each others other halves. After all this time, we're still struggling with everything we've experienced. So when things get too overwhelming, lean on me, okay? When it does, I'm there, I'll be there to lift you up. And if the worst happens, we'll fall together." He said, his eyes poignantly focused on his dearest Annabeth. "And like always, we'll find our way out together too...we always have and we always will."
Nodding softly in response to his encouragement, she moved her fingers to cradle his face. "Okay, okay...and you count on me for the same, alright Percy? You are the one thing in my life I will never doubt...ever. No matter if the panic attacks and anxieties make me say something stupid, I won't ever mean it, I swear. So please don't…"
Percy's lips silenced her, knowing if she were to follow that train of thought, it might further burden her mind and lead to another attack. During these times, the worst for either Percy and Annabeth was not the attacks and fears, not the feeling of the anxieties that constantly lurked around the edges of their psyches, chipping away at their sanity, their sense of comfort, but rather witnessing what those attacks did to the person who was most precious to them. It was devastating for either of them to witness their partner go through a fit, but they were always there to support them and encourage the peace of mind to stabilize those emotions and be their support as often as they needed it.
Spending a few more minutes simply holding each other, they felt their lives balance out in the arms of one another. At last, they pulled away enough to stare purposefully in the eyes of their lover, the depth of their love and devotion on full display.
"I know it's weird to ask, after all of that, but...are you okay?" Annabeth asked, her eyes sweeping across the room. Their belongings had been collected into boxes, most of which had already been packed away, the closet stood open and bare, the dresser was cleared of items, and the pictures and posters that had dotted the walls were removed and already awaiting transport.
Perhaps this was what had triggered Annabeth's anxieties of her own sense of abandonment, but this was the day she and Percy would be leaving the Blofis household and traveling cross-country to California. It was the biggest graduation gift they had received, Frederic and Sally had pulled their resources, and had bought a used, but extremely reliable SUV that was already laden with boxes and possessions of Annabeth and Percy, and waiting to carry the two young demigods to their new home.
Percy scanned the barren room, his eyes fixating on specific points that, at one time or another, held memories of his time here. While this house had not held as many memories as their apartment, this room had been his sanctuary, his and Annabeth's both since they began their senior year. As she watched Percy chew on his bottom lip, her hand instinctively went to the simple Celestial Bronze chain upon her neck, that held the red coral pendant Percy had given her. It, like their rings, was a source of soothing comfort for her.
For Percy, he scanned the room, making note of the four boxes that remained to be packed, yet his shoulders drooped slightly as if not sure how to answer. "Ask me in a couple hours," he said simply, a small smile reflecting the sense of fear moving away from home had settled upon him.
Squeezing his hand, Annabeth smiled gently, both in thanks for his support, and a reminder that she would be there when he needed it.
Nodding his head, he walked hand in hand from his room and entered the kitchen where his mother had prepared quite the breakfast. Hash browns, eggs, bacon, ham, orange juice, and of course, blue pancakes. As the pair tucked in to feast on, what would likely be the last home cooked meal they had for a while, Sally seated herself across from them, her eyes fixed purposefully on her son, a sad, nostalgic smile on her gentle face.
"So", Paul said, entering the house as he dusted off his hands. "big day huh? Do you all have your route plotted?"
"More or less," Annabeth said, turning towards Percy who seemed intent on devouring the meal before him. "We really don't have a set schedule of when we need to arrive, so, we'll probably take the next two weeks, do some sightseeing. It'll be nice to actually see the country at our own pace, without a deadline or quest looming over our heads," she smiled, her attention turning back towards Percy who seemed purposefully avoiding his mother's eyes.
"Of course," Sally said, lowering her gaze as she turned towards her daughter and spooned some smashed bananas. "Are you sure you have enough mortal money?"
"We've got plenty Sally," Annabeth said, her fingers finding their way to Percy's hand and lacing their fingers. Her struggles from earlier still linger in her mind, but she knew, now it was her turn to support Percy as he was finding it difficult to come to terms of his leaving. Even with Paul's support and earlier talks, even with knowing Percy had left for summer camp or boarding schools, there was always the knowledge he would return home. Today would be the day he would leave, no longer calling this place his home. Whenever he would return, it would be as a visitor, not as a resident, and that shift was an adjustment the thought he was ready for until faced with it.
"In fact, you've given us way more than we need..."
"Nonsense dear," Sally said, waving off the comment as she stood and collected Annabeth's dishes. "I got an advance on my next book, and your father pitched in as well. Besides, Paul and I, and Frederic and Helen wanted to give you as much as we could to help you on your way."
It was at that moment that Sally realized she remained standing in the dining room, still holding the plate and glass as thought stalling in taking them to the kitchen. Percy and Annabeth had decided to leave right after breakfast to get as early a jump on their journey as they could, and it was as though Sally was afraid to leave the room, wanting instead to spend as much time in the same room to commit every action to memory.
Not that she had not already done so, but this was a bittersweet parting for her. On one hand, she was exceptionally proud of her son. He would be going to college in a city where he would be safe and protected. Yet on the other, he had been her life for so long that there was a sadness she could not expel with the prospect of his leaving.
Sensing this turmoil, Paul had moved to extract Annabeth's dishes from Sally's hands and taking them to the kitchen, only to return a moment later. "Hey Annabeth, would you like to give me a hand finishing loading up the cargo hold in the SUV?"
Offering a quick glance to Percy, she squeezed his hand in support before nodding her head in understanding. "Yeah, sure..."
As she stood and placed a tender kiss on Percy's cheek before following Paul from the room. The momentary lapse in conversation gave Sally the opportunity to take Annabeth's seat at the table, as she began fussing with Percy's hair, using her fingers to brush it out of his eyes.
"You know," Sally began, unable to restrain the warble in her voice as she continued to fuss over her son. "When you were born, it was the single greatest moment of my life. Here you were, seven pounds, eight ounces, 21 inches long, ten perfect little fingers and toes. You were the most beautiful baby I'd even seen, and you were mine.
"I couldn't believe I had given birth to you, that I had brought another life into this world, let alone one that I knew I would love until my dying breath. I never thought I'd accomplish much with my life, and here I was, blessed with the most perfect child that was ever born..."
"I'm far from perfect mom..."
"Don't interrupt," Sally chided, her voice quivering as she continued, "You were everything I could have ever hoped. What others defined as 'problematic,' I saw as 'spirited,'. When they dismissed you a trouble, I knew was just you exploring the world, wanting to know your place in it.
"So many people spend their entire lives never knowing how or where they fit in the world, but you do. I know you haven't had it easy sweetheart," she said, her voice softening as she struggled to get the words out beyond the lump in her throat. "Lord knows you've struggled with so many things in life. Having others ignore or dismiss you outright, carrying the weight of that prophesy on your shoulders...all the pain and anguish that surrounded you while you tried to save the world.
"I did everything in my power to try to lessen that burden son," Sally said, pulling her son to the side so that his head rested upon her shoulder. "I wished you had an easy life, more than anything, I want you to be happy..."
"Mom, I..." his voice broke as he felt the tears swell in his eyes.
"Hush baby," Sally said, patting the side of his head in comfort as she leaned against his hair. "I know its scary, but I honestly believe this is the path that will make you happy and keep you safe.
"If I had my way, I'd keep here, by my side forever...but I can't be selfish," a few tears slipped from Sally's eyes, falling into Percy's hair as she continued. "I have a happy life Percy. Firstly there's you, then Paul. Than came Annabeth and now we have Estelle. I have been blessed beyond what I felt I deserved with a family I love so, so much. I'm happy Percy, I really am.
"Doesn't mean I won't miss you...I mean...you're not even gone and I'm dreading seeing you driver away. I miss you already. But I want you to know sweetheart, you need to know how so very proud of I am of the man you've become. You're kind, and compassionate, and caring, and you are the very best son any mother could hope to call her own.
"None of what makes you special has anything to do with you being a demigod. There's always so much malice and hatred in the world, it does me proud to see when you stand up against it with kindness and compassion."
At this time, Annabeth and Paul had returned from piling the last of the boxes in the SUV, Annabeth standing awkwardly in the doorway while Paul moved to pick up Estelle and, with a quick check of her diaper, left to change her. Sally had turned her attention from Percy to Annabeth, a small smile teasing the older woman's lips.
"I have an amazing life Percy, I really do. And after everything you've done, you and Annabeth both, it's about time to go find your own happiness."
With shoulders briefly slumped, Percy pulled his mother into a crushing embrace, his face buried in the crook of her neck as he cried in the realization that he was truly leaving for college and whatever lay beyond. His mother had always been the cornerstone of his life, much of his life, in fact, had been shaped by her efforts to keep him safe, to try to make him happy. To bring him joy...and now, that emotional pillar would no longer be a constant presence in his life.
As excited as he was in the prospect of going to New Rome, he couldn't deny this was a difficult transition.
Slowly, and much without his notice, his mother had guided him to where Annabeth stood, her eyes mirrors of concern for her beloved. Taking Annabeth's hand in her own, Sally pulled Percy's hand forward, uniting it with the blonde demigod's fingers and relinquishing her hold on both her son and daughter-to-be.
Accepting what Sally had offered with a grateful, yet modest smile, Annabeth stepped into Percy, her arms wrapping around him and speaking softly to coax him from his anxious thoughts. Knowing fully that it was Annabeth now who eased his worries, Percy wrapped his arms around her and rested his head upon her shoulder. The daughter of Athena instinctively placed one hand at the small of his back, while her other hand ran the length of his back, her nails offering light, soothing scratches that always seemed to ease his tension.
"We'll get through it baby...I'm right here, whatever you need, okay?"
Percy didn't respond, he merely nodded his head as he let the tension run from his body. He was scared, and fearful of how this change would impact his life. Yet, he felt excited to be moving to New Rome with Annabeth, and yet, conversely, part of him felt guilty that he felt excited while leaving his mother behind to travel to a city on the other side of the country. In truth, his emotions were running the gambit.
Annabeth stood there, much as he had done for her earlier, speaking coaxing words of comfort and reminding him that Mrs. O'Leary could bring them back whenever they wanted. Of course, this wasn't the same, but it was a fair compromise.
There had been so much pain and hurt and loss within the last year, that the truth remained that, under it all, Percy and Annabeth hoped that New Rome would be a new beginning for them. A city free of monsters, with a support system trained to handle demigod trauma...and of course, Frederic who had offered his own services to council the pair through their PTSD healing, to which they had both, while not announcing it, had chosen to accept.
When put into the context that they both had hope for the future they would share in New Rome, it was a realization of deepest peace. Because through this entire year, they had so little to hope for.
In time, Percy's emotional struggles eased as he pulled away and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, his attention settling upon Annabeth, who wore an expression of graceful support.
"Thanks," Percy whispered, resting his forehead against hers as she continued to hold him in comfort.
"Always," she replied, kissing his lips lightly.
"We should...probably be heading out now," Percy said after several more minutes, his eyes soft and announcing that, while he may not be ready to leave just yet, if they did not leave now, he would have another breakdown.
"Sure," Annabeth said, stepping away and taking Percy's hand, the two walking from the house, followed closely by Sally. As the pair lingered in securing the boxes and possessions in the car, stalling while preparing to depart, Paul had exited the house, carrying Estelle in one arm while holding a pair of packages in the other.
"We kept a couple of gifts back from your graduation," Sally said, her smile soft, yet her eyes still fought the emotion of the pending farewell that would be come too soon for her.
Smiling, Paul handed the first present to Percy, who had taken it with shaking hands, knowing this was something that was special and to be seen by him and Annabeth, given specifically by his parents. Opening the present, he was surprised to find a book with spiral binding. Opening it up, he found it contained recipes of all of his favorite dishes, written in English on one side, and Ancient Greek on the adjoining page.
"We had actually planned to give that to you for Christmas, but, well, it took Chiron a little more time than we expected to translate it. But it has all of your favorites in there Percy, and I even have some from Helen. She said you always enjoyed her spring rolls," she said, looking to Annabeth. "There's a few others in there too, her meatloaf recipe, and even her mother's recipe for Dim sum. Then of course, the blue chocolate chip cookies, blue pancakes, that brownie recipe you brought back from your trip to Greece...well, you can see what all's in there. But hopefully, this will give you some recipes to start with when you both are living together in New Rome."
As the closed the recipe book, the title, 'A Taste of Home' spoke volumes of what Sally had prepared for them. "Thank you," Annabeth said, her fingers tracing the fancy writing on the cover of the cook book and placing it in the SUV, carefully stowing it so it would not be ruined.
"And this," Paul said, handing the final gift to Annabeth, her eyes uncertain if she handle much more love given to her. This day had already been an emotional journey for both her and Percy, and it was not even 10 am. As she opened the present however, she found that the pair them had been given a shadow box, that displayed the beaded camp necklaces of both demigods, and in the center was a beautiful picture of Annabeth, Percy and Grover after they had returned from their first quest.
"You didn't notice, but I was in the kitchen when the two of you threw away your necklaces. I know how much they meant to you, and I didn't want you to have any regrets, so I fished them out, cleaned them, of course, and put them on display. I wanted you to remember that, even with memories that burden you and remind you of the difficulty of your journey, there are still wonderful memories to cherish as well."
The moments stretched indefinitely as Percy and Annabeth admired the display Sally and Paul had given them. A reminder that, despite the past and the pain, there were moments of joy, moments that they lived for. Moments that were reflected in the cheeky grins of the three young heroes immortalized in the picture.
When they were satisfied, Annabeth again found a place to store the shadow box and keep it safe as she and Percy moved to embrace Sally, Paul and Estelle goodbye. As Sally embraced Annabeth, she smiled in her motherly fashion, her hands cradling Annabeth's face as she so often did. "Take care of my son," she said, her voice hitching at the words as she was rewarded with a watery smile from the young woman.
"Always," Annabeth promised, moving to embrace the woman who was more a mother than she had ever known.
"And take care of yourself."
"I will, thank you for everything Sally."
Percy had clung to Paul, his hand gripping the older man's shirt as he pulled him into an embrace. "Thank you Paul. And, look after my mom, and Estelle."
"Of course, and hey, if either of you need any English help, well...I'm here, don't be afraid to ask."
"Don't be annoyed when we badger you about essays then," Percy smirked as he pulled away and reached for Estelle, holding her close to him and snuggling his sister for several minutes, determined to remember how she burbled, and giggled, and how soft and delicate she was.
When he was finished, he handed his sister back to Paul and turned to his mother. It was obvious she was fighting back the tears, he was to, but still, Percy pulled her into a hug and held her tightly. "Thank you mom...we, we never would have made it this far without you."
"I don't know how much help I was able to provide, but I want you to know sweetheart, I am so proud of you, and I love you so much. But this isn't goodbye, okay? It's just...see you later..."
"See you later huh?" Percy said, his voice a bare whisper as he stared at his mother. "I like that."
"Good," Sally said, nudging Percy slightly with her hand. "Now, you two best be going, you've got a long drive ahead of you."
"Right," Percy replied, his voice quivering as he reached into his pocket and pulled out the keys to the vehicle, only for Annabeth to cover his hand with her own.
"I'll take the first leg, okay?" she asked, not bringing attention to the fact that Percy would need some time to mentally digest this new change. Smiling and nodding his head, Annabeth pulled her hand away, taking the keys with it.
As the two piled into their designated seats, Annabeth started the vehicle and fastened her seat belt, her attention shifted to her fiance who stared out the passenger side window. "Talk to me," she said, her fingers moving to hold his hand as she squeezed in support.
"I feel like an emotional blender," he said, his attention turning back to her as he spoke. "I'm excited we're going to New Rome, but I'm nervous about moving cross-country. I'm sad to be leaving my mom and Paul and Estelle, but most of all I'm happy to be with you."
Smiling gently as she turned her attention to their entwined hands, her thumb rubbing over his knuckles, she spoke softly, "Those six months you were missing, I didn't know what to do with myself. I mean, we spent years dancing around the fact that we liked each other, finally getting together only to have you ripped out of my life like that. It had felt like someone had scraped out the greatest part of who I was, like the best half of me was missing...and it was because you were.
"You know how my mind works, I began conjuring up possibilities and worse case scenarios of what would have happened. There wasn't a sign of a struggle, so an attack was easily ruled out. I had hoped maybe, that you just went home without telling me. As unlikely as it was, I had hoped that what had happened. I even toyed with the idea that you were off saving some dolphin or hippocampus from a fisher's net.
"But then my mind started constructing all these fearful thoughts, I couldn't help it. I even feared you went back to Calypso's island, that you decided to take her up on her offer. But then, I remember you gave me this," she said, holding up the red coral threaded upon the bronze necklace. "It reminded me of all the things you've done for me. Holding up the sky, refusing immortality, twice if you count Calypso. Making me your anchor when you bathed in the Styx.
"No matter what has happened, you always found a way to come back to me. Even if my stupid anxieties make me question if you'll ever leave, I know in the depths of my heart that it'll never happen, because we are forever. We made that promise in the depths of hell, and there's no greater commitment than confessing your love while being surrounded by a billion pissed off demons.
"My earlier breakdown, today was just a bad day Percy, and I never want you to think I doubt your commitment to me. I know how much you love me, you've proven it time and again, and I love you just as much.
"But you know, I'm not the only one who waited every time you disappeared," Annabeth said, craning her head to now gaze out the side window, staring pointedly at Sally. "You always found a way to come back to your mom too, the only difference now is that we're making this journey on our own. No gods, no fates, just you and me, making the choice together."
The realization fell upon Percy as he turned his attention from his family outside the vehicle, to Annabeth in the driver's seat. This was why they worked so well together, because they knew exactly what the other needed to ease their stresses and calm their anxieties. This was the heart and beauty at the very center of their relationship, and he loved her for it, more than he would ever be able to express. "How do you always manage to fix everything?"
"Because you give me a reason to," she said, echoing his earlier words as she pulled him to her, her lips finding purpose against his in a soft, meaningful kiss. When they separated, Percy raised her hand that was entwined with his and brought it to his lips while his other hand caressed her cheek in a warm gesture that radiated the love that bonded them.
A shared smile, and Annabeth turned her attention to the windshield, her mind collecting her own thoughts. "We still have quite the road ahead of us."
"Yeah," Percy said, his attention following the direction of Annabeth's. "But you know, no matter how hard it gets, as long as you're here with me, it doesn't seem so bad."
"My thoughts exactly," Annabeth said, smiling as she turned her attention to Percy, the young demigod facing her and returning the smile. A shared moment between them, and Percy turned once more to his family outside the car, Annabeth leaning around him to smile at them. A simple wave and shared smile, and Annabeth extracted her hand from Percy's just long enough to shift the vehicle into gear before returning her hand to where it belonged, gripped lovingly within his fingers.
With a last, lingering look between them, they turned their attention to the road before them, and drove on to meet their future.
The End
-0-
A/N
Not going to lie, this was quite the journey. First and foremost, thank you to everyone who took the time to read and review this story. I believe this is the first story I've written to hit the trifecta, 100 reviews, 100 favorites, 100 follows, and I couldn't be more thankful. This has been a really emotional journey writing this, and I want to thank you for following along.
Next, want to touch upon the ending. Gabe1234 wrote in his review that he could see this story going on for years of Percy and Annabeth's lives, and he's not wrong. Just because this leg of their journey is over, doesn't mean I'm finished with this head canon, there's still college, married life, raising a family, lots of opportunities for follow up stories.
But as for this story, I wanted the ending to be purposefully open-ended. Depression, PTSD, anxiety, these are not something that just go away with a few encouraging words. It's a struggle to overcome, and often times, it takes years to recover, and as Annabeth and Percy alluded to in this story, you may not be the same when you come out the other side. It takes a lot of work to overcome the tragedies and struggles we deal with in life, and it's too easy to dismiss those around us when we have our own problems to deal with. But, I hope this story helps in some way. Please forgive the pretention, but if you are dealing with depression, or are struggling, it doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. Please, find the help, find the support that you need, because you are important to someone.
So, as stated, this leg of Percy and Annabeth's journey is over. I have included enough dangling plot threads to continue other in depth analysis of the characters of the PJO universe. You'll notice Nico and Leo never appeared, Thalia's own struggles were never concluded in this story, plus, the college experience and how to handle the hero worship while fighting through their emotional struggles when Percy and Annabeth arrive in New Rome. There's still a lot in the tank.
But, I will need a bit to recharge. This story did take a lot of out me on an emotional level so I will need a little breather on this series. But in the meantime, I hope you enjoyed taking this journey with me as I delved into the deeper, psychological issues of our favorite PJO couple. As always, if you're kind enough to read, please be kind enough to review, like, favorite, follow, if you're so inclined, and I will see you all soon.