Hai :)
My maths exam was today, it wasn't that bad, but I forgot how to factorise *face palm*, but yes... My maths exam really isn't that interesting. So lets go straight onto the story!
In honesty, I didn't know how to write this chapter, but I tried my best too. And sorry for any spelling mistakes, it is early morning where I am living, but I wanted to get this out to you lovely people. So I hope you like it! It is from Lucy's point of view again :)
Oh, at the end of this chapter I am once again talking about the manga, so if you have not read chapter 335- 'The Time Of Life' yet, don't read the bottom!
Enjoy :)
Chapter Eighteen-
When all my tears are because of you
"When the hell did you replace me with that Shadow Dragon Slayer bastard?"
For a moment, I just stand and stare at the pink haired Dragon Slayer before me, his eyes baring into me. I notice his fists are clenched and he is trembling slightly. His whole body and being is directed at me, words harsher than I have ever heard them before, and at first, I don't think I catch his words at first. I blink, confused.
"Eh?"
"I said, when did you replace me with Rogue. You know, that Shadow Dragon Slayer bastard from Sabertooth. The guild that took our title during the seven years we were gone, and betrayed their comrades."
This time, I catch his words loud and clear. Full of venom and hatred, raising at the end as if he is struggling to keep his anger inside. His knuckles have turned white from how tightly his fists are clenched and I can see a vain throbbing in the side of his head. His heart beating heavily against his ribs, an unsteady thudding which appears to be resonating around the now silent guild.
Gulping, I speak again.
"Why would you think I replaced you?"
"Because he was at your house last night! Because you forgot me and let him in! That should of been me, Lucy, because I was coming to tell you something important! But you cared more for him than me!"
This time, Natsu no longer keeps the violence inside of him, instead lashing out and hitting all the glasses within his arms length from off of the bar top, sending them to their end with a loud crack. I jump as the sound shocks me, the whole motion does. His raised voice, his violence. He has never acted towards me in this way, and for a moment, I feel frightened around Natsu. Not frightened that he'll hurt himself, or for the people around him. But for myself.
I step back, afraid and breathing heavily. My world twirling before my eyes at the man before me. Upside down because I am afraid the man I love will hurt me. But most of all, because during all of the neglect and mixed signals and Rogue following me, through all of the hell I lived through without the man before me, he believed that I didn't care. That he has the audacity to accuse me of not caring for him because I finally reached a limit and cried into another man's arms.
At my sudden change in demeanour, he seems to realise what he has done. I watch as he looks down at his wrists, cut and bleeding from the shattered glass. Before his gaze is back on me, this time softer and almost guilty. I watch as he steps forward, slowly, as if he is approaching an injured animal. I don't take in all of his features and actions as I normally do, store them to my memory so I can't ever forget him, I just stand. Allowing all of what has happened to sink in.
"Lucy? I'm... I'm so sorry Lucy..."
"No..."
I mumble, lowering my hand from my chest. My eyes only on Natsu, as if it were only us in the guild. He looks confused for a moment, quietly staring at me as I feel my anger and pain slowly rising. Finally, after a moment, I begin to laugh.
"Lucy?"
"No, Natsu. You ran off on your adventures and left me behind like you didn't care, you replaced me with everyone else. I was your partner, Natsu, your best friend!"
I have raised my voice to an almost scream as I have been speaking, feeling tears brimming at my eye lids and threatening to fall. Already I can feel my face burning in a mix of anger and sorrow. Throwing my arms to the side, I continue to shout. Not stopping nor thinking about the words which are tumbling from my lips.
"Why do you even care if you saw Rogue with me? You weren't the one holding me as I cried because the most important person in the world to me left, the person I could never replace! You didn't save me when I screamed for you on my mission and you didn't even have the decency to tell me you didn't care! That you don't seem to care! Yet now you have the audacity to say I don't! The best I get is one glorious hug or eye contact across the guild I crave for and then nothing, yet everyone else gets you! Why not me?! What the fuck did I do? Just please, tell me!"
Shutting my eyes so tightly I can see white splodges in the darkness, I continue my rant, trying to catch my breath as it begins to hitch.
"Well, Natsu? You don't prove you care, yet I still love... I loved- I...love... you- I..."
My words fail as my breathing becomes restricted. Screaming into the palms of my hands in frustration, before I run my fingers through my hair. It's like the temperature has shot up ten fold, I feel as if my lungs have bee constricted. My chest tightening as I struggle to breath in. The tears have breached the dams which are my eyes lids and I can now feel them streaming down my cheeks as hot streams.
Slowly, I calm down a bit, listening to the silence that now feels the guild, which moments before was rowdy. Gulping, I open my eyes and look around to find that all eyes in the guild are on me. There are no whispers or comments under people's breaths, no muttering. Only silence.
I can't be here any more, I have to get away. I have to get away from him.
"...Lucy?"
Natsu takes a step towards me, grabbing my wrist softly but I pull away. His face is painted with a strange mixture of hurt and confusion, but I don't care. I need to be as far away from Natsu as I possibly can be at this moment in time. I can't bare to be around him at the moment in time, because it is tearing me apart.
Our eyes are locked for a moment longer, his midnight black orbs captivating me before I can't take it any more. Turning on my heels, I begin to run. As fast and far as my legs will carry me. Pushing the guild doors open I throw them shut before turning and running. From behind, I can hear Natsu shouting my name but I don't stop running. To do so would mean certain death, for I am pretty convinced that if I don't leave now my heart will break in two. That the tears and cracks that the months of Natsu's neglect and mixed signals made, will finally join in the centre and there will be nothing left.
I begin to pant as I turn into the park, closing my eyes and shaking my head violently, not caring how pathetic I look to everyone around me. Only trying to push down the horrible breaking feeling in my chest, the bleak darkness making my life seem worthless the more the moments pass by.
Abruptly, I am stopped in my tracks as I hit into something hard, falling backwards from the force only to be caught by two strong arms before I hit the floor. Opening my eyes slowly, prepared to apologize to the person I have bumped into profoundly, and thank them for catching me. Then I will continue running until I reach my apartment where I can bury myself in my self loathing and pain as I had been doing two weeks ago. When I was so hurt I couldn't feel any worse.
As my trembling lips open, I am stopped by a pair of crimson, snake like eyes before my world is wrapped in darkness.
I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Now, Fairy Tail...
OH MY GOD YES GRAY IS ALIVE! HE'S ALIVE! *Just a bit happy*
I am also rather pleased I predicted that happening, I mean, after the whole Lucy going back in time idea. I am rather... sad?... Ultear died though, but I think it was the best way for her to die. She may have been upset her life was only worth a minute, but I think it meant a lot more. The time wasn't to represent how little she was worth, but how much she was. In that minute, she gave so many people back their lives and has helped to fight back against the dragons. It wasn't about the time her life was worth, but what the people did with that time
But, yes, until my next update, have a nice day folks :)