Chapter five
Their eyes were on her. It was first class, and nearly everyone was staring at her. It was to be expected she supposed, but at the same time, it shouldn't be. She was allowed to dress like this, she had broken no rule, lots of other girls wore clothes like hers.
Anxiety, like water trickling in the background, building up, flooding the room, but still so soft and gentle. It was sicking. ''bare with it'' she told herself, ''they'll forget soon enough''
Walking to her next class was worse, head turns, her name whispered floating in the air, hanging like a bad smell. 'Lucy, Lucy, Lucy' a boy asked for her number, and she only felt sicker.
'I thought she was gay' another said
Levy was in her next calls. English had always secretly been her favourite. Levy sat herself down next to Lucy 'you okay?' she asked. Concern evident. No Lucy thought. But she couldn't say that. It's not like rumours hadn't been spread about her before, yet they'd always been quieter, less common. Now she was everywhere.
'Everyone's talking about you, Lu' she said that was Lucy's new nickname, after having gotten to know Levy better in the past few days. Levy seemed happy- ecstatic, everyone was talking about her, 'you're a real hit'
She'd not considered it to be good, maybe it was good, 'yeah I know, it's weird'
Yeah, good, it didn't feel good, but maybe it didn't have to feel good to be good.
'Weird? Of course, you're the talk of the school, you've had the biggest glow up known to mankind' Lucy didn't feel like it, not anymore. Some of the boys hadn't called it that. Slut, they'd said, thot.
With Levy stating it like it was obvious Lucy felt a little foolish, she was overreacting. It was normal, it was okay. 'I suppose you're right' Lucy said, smiling
Levy grinned back 'I always am'
Class went on the same, people kept themselves quieter, Lucy sitting next to one of the schools top girls, nobody wanted to get onto fairy highs dolls bad side. Rumour had it Erza could pack a punch.
More people were open to talking to her. And she did mean to her. Not just whispers. Girls came up to her, asking 'how she'd done it' as if an outfit wasn't all there was to it.
The bell came like a blessing, for once Lucy was not enjoying her English class.
Lucy threw her bag onto her floor, the day had been messy, and horrible and all-around exhausting, being a girl was sure tough, and maybe she just wasn't cut out for it.
Biting her lip, not one to cry no matter how much of a girl it was supposed to make her Lucy went up to her room, throwing off her stupid skirt and stupid v-neck sweater she ignored Natsu's facetime request in favour of putting on one of the stupid silky pyjama sets Mira had bought her.
Luck looked in the mirror at her red cheeks and watery eyes. Cana had told her a face mask makes all a girl's problems go away but the idea of slapping some clay on her face and painting her nails made Lucy want to scream or cry or both.
No, she was not cut out for this...this shit!
Natsu was calling her again. 'sorry can't talk right now'; she texted, knowing he wouldn't believe her one bit, but talking him off her case. She didn't want to see anybody. Didn't ever want to leave her house again.
She wanted ice cream and pizza, but Mira had told her that made her skin spotty. She could call Levy, but Levy didn't seem to get it, none of them did, no one seemed to understand what was so hard and confusing and horrible about everything. There was something wrong with her, every other girl has to go through this but Lucy didn't seem to think she could take it.
She wanted her mum. Her mum would know exactly what to do with whatever this problem even was.
He phone buzzed, 'I'm coming over' Natsu. She could not tell if she was grateful or mad.
She settled with 'okay' going to the bathroom to wash her face, there was one thing she knew, Natsu was not to find out about school again if the group found out then there would be a fight every day. Every hour. The boys were overprotective, and she understood it, she had that same overprotectiveness burning inside her, but this was something that fights couldn't solve. She needed to go through this to get over this. It's normal and they are protective.
The water dribbled down her arm as Lucy washed her face. Black mascara smeared under her eyes, shits she'd forgotten to take her makeup off. Letting out a whine and another cry of frustration, Lucy grabbed the makeup remover, dosing her face in it like water, a fatal mistake, scalding her eyes. She let out a very tired and very pained cry before splashing water over her face in an attempt to clear away the chemicals.
Eyes red and stingy Lucy wondered if things were ever going to go her way. She opened her door to Natsu sitting in her bed. Closing the window behind himself. His smile crumpled when saw her, 'you've been crying'
'Have not' she shot back which was true she hadn't been, close to yes, but no tears had fallen, 'I just got my makeup remover in my eyes'
There was a staredown, Natsu trying to tell if Lucy was lying and Lucy wanting to convince Natsu of her sanity. She ignored the flip in her heart. His eyes had always been so intense. Overbearingly so. You'd want to pull away but as soon as you did you miss them all over again.
Natsu huffed, walking over to Lucy only to flick her head. Ignoring Lucy's outburst, 'you better not be keeping secrets, Luce. They give you wrinkles ya know'
Fighting the urge to protest. Make a huge argument over nothing, and yell and scream till doors were slammed and the restlessness in her chest went away Lucy merely scoffed, 'who says that'
'More like who doesn't' he resorted, teasing, 'geez Luce you're supposed to be the intellectually repressed one here'
Small harmless banter continued between the pair of them, Lucy hardly noticing when Natsu wiped a bag of Doritos out of his bag along with a tube of Oreos. Absentmindedly eating them as her and Natsu chatted and teased. It was only when Natsu had offered to order pizza that Lucy realised she had in fact eaten exactly what she'd set out not to.
Her arm reached to grab the packet, just to see how bad it had been for her, muttering an 'I'm not hungry' to Natsu, the first thing she saw was the calories, Lucy had never thought of counting calories, Mira hadn't mentioned them in her lessons. 800, Lucy wasn't sure if that was a lot of calories on not, Lucy went to turn the packet around when it was snatched out of her hand.
She looked up to see Natsu, his eyes flickered with something that made Lucy just know she'd done wrong.
'What's going on luce' and for a moment Lucy wondered if Natsu was talking about her water eyes again
'Natsu I really did spill makeup recover on my face-'
'Not that Lucy, just now, the bag' the calories, he'd moved himself directly Infront of her, their tangy Doritos breath mingling, knees touching at the closeness, she fought a blush.
Lucy was admittedly taken aback, 'I was just looking to see the calories, I was curious'
'That's it' he asked, in a tone that made it clear he wanted her to say yes, 'none of that weight loss bullshit or anything like that'
And then it dawned on her. Memories of middle school, Gray's sunken eyes and bony figure. It had not been extreme. Just a little while, as he was trying out boxing. She remembered the fear, her fear, everyone's fear. Seeing Gray shrink over the course of a few months. A trip to the hospital had him snapped out of it. Quitting the official boing team and relearning heath.
It was stupid of her to not have seen Natsus concerns. They all been so scared for Gray back then, four years later and everyone still looked out for each other.
'yeah, that's it. Sorry. I really was only curious, trying to start making healthier choices'
She clasped her hand in his, pushing down her embarrassment of Natsu's bold concern and comparison of her cheeking a few calories to…that.
Natsu pulled her into a hug, keeping their finger's interlocked, 'all this change Luce, I understand it, well, I try to…and sometimes I see you eating less, picking at meals eating slower, the calories where just the last straw, I just, shit I was worried' she felt his chin rest on her head, let her eyes close as he swayed them every so slightly.
Butterflies churned in her stomach, except they felt more like moths, eating away at her, just thinking about the worry she'd unintentionally put Natsu though, the trigger she'd potentially been to Gray. Despite how long ago it'd been.
She felt horrible for being so insensitive. If Natsu had been running around cutting meals and looking at calories and suddenly become so look obsessed she would be beside herself. They knew this was how it started, and they knew how it ended. Worrying that history would repeat. 'I'm sorry' truly she hadn't noticed herself. Cutting meals for reasons she couldn't even remember, and calories because well it sounded like something she was supposed to do. Lucy knew she was fine, but she also knew apparencies, she said because it felt like the only thing she could say, 'I'm really fucking sorry I was insensitive sorry'
Natsu's death grip slacked, but he didn't let go. Mental health was not like a scarped knee. Once the scar fades you forget it even happened. But scars on the mind were not like that.
Time slowed, or maybe it sped up, Lucy felt cocooned and for a minute it was like they were eight years old again, her mum had passed, and she was wrapped in Natsu's arms. 'it's cool, Luce, I just was scared for ya, it was all so similar and I just-' he let out a sigh. Stressed and embarrassed and just a little emotionally exhausted.
No this wasn't like being eight, Natsu wasn't comforting her. She was comforting him. The relief she felt radiating off him, his brain piecing together all the bits he'd missed.
Lucy let him hug her, for as long as he needed, she knew the feeling. It was funny, he'd come to her house with the intent of comforting her, did so and then she returned the favour. She'd been quite self-obsessed the last few days. She should focus on her friends more again.
When Natsu eventually let go, all the pent-up stress and worry from the last few days having simmered down they got ice cream, Lucy ignoring the fat-free ben and Jerrys she'd asked her father to pick up after explaining her new look on health. Instead opting for the gooey chocolate fudge ice cream. They sat in her living room, letting the gloom air out of her room, and the bigger tv.
They went on Lucy's Netflix account, looking for a new anime to start. Natsu pretending not to notice her list was filled with romcoms. Lucy spluttered, 'the girls recommended them'
'sure sure' he teased
Natsu thought back to what Wendy would watch, yes she watched the classic rom coms too, he wouldn't admit it to Lucy but he did know a few of them. But he also knew a perfect balance of anime and romance.
'spirited away?' Lucy asked as he typed it painfully slowly with the remote.
Not looking away from the screen, having to deal with the extra double y hed accidentally done, 'yeah, I think you'll lie it, it's a studio Ghibli film, Wendy's been going through a phase'
Now having been girl approved, by a nine-year-old no less Wendy, Lucy was happy to watch it, if it was good she might have something new to add to the girls watch list. Although she didn't know how many animes would be approved by then, fanservice was rather degrading.
Finally, the movie began to play and already Lucy knew she was in for soothing special. Setting herself up close to Natsu, for the ice cream of course, Lucy let herself be immersed in the film.
'now that's some classic dad driving' Lucy said, watching the father haul the family along some country road,
'Remember when your dad tried to take us on a camping-'
'Don't, we don't mention that here' she said, keeping her eyes on the screen.
The movie went on and Lucy found herself falling in love, the art style, the music and the plot. With a small budding romance between Chihiro and Haku.
'so whaddya think' he asked
'Natsu I loved it, they were so cute together, and just the animation.'
Natsu smiled, but Lucy couldn't help but think she was missing something. Romance wasn't really Natsu's thing, 'and the action when he was in his dragon form' she said but it felt more like a guess, clearly it hadn't been the right one. She was missing something from the movie.
Natsu shook his head to himself, still smiling, 'yeah Wendy's gonna paint the dust balls in the corner of her room'
'ohhh that would look so cute' shed been imagining things. There was nothing she was missing.
Again they chatted absentmindedly
And considered ordering pizza. Lucy left Natsu to order. In favour of cleaning up the house. She hadn't had a lesson in a while. It was supposed to be a weekend thing she supposed. And it was only Monday. But Mira and Erza's minds seemed to be elsewhere. Which was understandable. They had their own lives. And the upperclassmen had a formal or something like that coming up. So, she understood completely why the mothers of the group and her best teachers would not be tutoring her. Lévy Juvia and Cana, couldn't. they were listening as much as she was. Each only throwing in their opinions when they knew something.
She really needed advice on how to deal with the staring, expect she remembered Levy's positive remarks about the whole thing. She needed to get over it, it was normal.
'I ordered a cheese for you and a meat feast for myself'
'garlic bread'
'and cookies'
She grinned, and Natsu felt his heart flutter, 'I can always count on you'
Dipping his nose into his scarf Natsu waved his hand dismissively 'Of course of course.'
sooooooo, its been a while! my last exam is tomorrow then I get a whole two weeks off, where I'm gonna try and post the majority of this story! big plans. this chapter was kinda cringy, but I felt it was needed.
thank you all so so much for your reviews, they kept me from dropping this story because honestly. y agirls tired. but she will not stop until the story is complete!
how have you all been, what didya like what didn't ya like. keep the reviews coming. we get to 22 i post the next chapter instantly. lots of love !