Chapter 2. Why?

"Good morning, doctor", Kaoru said when he entered the "room" Kyoya was in.

It wasn't really considered a room because it only had three walls, a cubicle. It was time for the Boys to have checkups with their respective doctors. The doctors' quarter was in a giant room with ten to twelve smaller "rooms" attached to each other in the middle of it. Around the cluster of "rooms" were machines and desks where the scientists usually hung out.

"I have told you not to say it like that", Kyoya said and gestured with his hand to Kaoru to sit down. "I will be checking your head and taking blood today. No need for a more thorough checkup this time because you had one earlier this week".

"Trying to get rid of me early I see". Kaoru teased after jumping up on the examination table.

Kyoya frowned. "I think I'm supposed to look at your head before taking your blood, Kaoru".

Kaoru looked a little confused at that.

"But my head injury isn't that serious so it can wait".

"Isn't that something for me to judge?" Kyoya carefully grabbed Kaoru's head and started to unwrap the bandages.

"Yeah I guess you're the doc here", Kaoru said sheepishly. "Must be nice to take every chance you get to touch young handsome men".

"You're the only young handsome man I'm touching", Kyoya said, absentminded, as he removed the last part of the wrapping to check the wound. "It looks like it has healed well. We'll just keep a big band-aid on it to make sure that it doesn't get infected".

"Really?"

"Yes, you're gonna be alright".

"No, I mean am I really the only guy you're with here? Is it because it's easier having only one person to sleep with?"

"Keep it down", Kyoya hissed and looked around quickly before his eyes returned to Kaoru. "And yes, one person is more manageable".

"I don't know about that. I feel like I'm testing your patience a lot". Kaoru made sure to not show that he had hoped that Kyoya had another reason for only being with him and no one else.

"Not in an annoying way", Kyoya answered with a smirk. "Now let's take blood".

Kyoya walked over to his desk and prepared a needle and ten small containers. He brought everything to Kaoru and put a sphygmomanometer on Kaoru's arm. Kaoru felt more and more pressure around his arm as Kyoya started to feel around for a good vein. Apparently, he had found one because he swabbed the spot, deflated the sphygmomanometer and inserted the needle into Kaoru's arm. Kaoru flinched but breathed out in relief when Kyoya attached one of the containers to the other end of the needle and blood instantly started to fill it.

"It's a relief that you're not one of those doctors that have to poke me with a needle five times in each arm before being able to draw blood", Kaoru said when he saw Kyoya's questioning look.

"That might change soon" Kyoya murmured without taking his eyes off the needle in Kaoru's arm. He switched to another container and put the blood filled one on a certain kind of tray that moved in a way so the blood was constantly in motion. "We use up your good veins fast. You're giving blood often".

"I kind of have to", Kaoru responded and shrugged with one shoulder to not disrupt Kyoya's work.

They sat in silence for a few minutes as Kyoya took the blood he needed. Then he put a cotton ball on the needle before he slowly removed the sharp object from the younger boy's vein. Kaoru flinched and Kyoya put a piece of medical tape over the cotton ball to keep it in place while the small wound was healing.

"There, all done", Kyoya said hesitantly. "If you don't mind me asking, how did you get the head injury?"

Kaoru was taken aback by the probing in his life.

"You actually want to know?"

"Yes, unless you just tell me to check your file again".

That was usually what Kaoru said whenever Kyoya asked for things that weren't necessarily classified. Kaoru didn't understand why the older guy hadn't read anything more than his medical file considering how curious he was.

"No, I can talk about this one now", Kaoru said and laid his hands on his lap. "You know what my mission here is, right?"

"Yes, you are a part of a group of young males, that are just referred to as the Boys, who are drinking a serum that makes you fall asleep and appear in other people's memories. The military has found a way to make sure that you're only going into the memories of a certain chosen group of people, but they can't yet choose exactly which individuals you are using. Hence why there are so many of you… you are also only able to do this because you're somehow using the power of a zero that was probably discarded long ago". Kyoya sat down next to Kaoru and waited for him to get to the point.

"Very good, you listen well", Kaoru purred and put a hand on Kyoya's neck which made Kyoya flinch.

However, Kaoru could see that Kyoya didn't just react like that because he was getting turned on and quickly removed his hand. He wasn't supposed to touch the doctor above the belt or without consent after all.

"But we take the drink in our meeting room and have to hurry back to our own rooms before we fall asleep… and I didn't do that in time so I bashed my head in on the floor… not the first time I haven't gotten back in time, but the first time I started to bleed from it".

"That makes sense, I was wondering why someone who falls asleep for a living manages to injure himself", Kyoya said and cleared his throat.

"Did you think that I got into a fight with one of the Boys or something?" Kaoru joked.

"Maybe, there aren't many other options".

"You're right about that". Kaoru stood up. "If we're done here, I'll just… ".

"How are your other wounds healing?" Kyoya asked.

"I only got a head injury from the fall".

"That's not what I'm talking about".

Ever since they last slept together, it had felt like Kyoya was extra wary around him. Kaoru assumed it was because of the scars and what having a body full of scars usually implied. Kaoru's arms, lower stomach plus a few spots on his hands and feet were full of them by now so it made sense for Kyoya to wonder. It sure did surprise Kyoya the first time he saw them.

The two men usually acted like they didn't know each other outside of the appointments and "booty calls", but Kaoru swore Kyoya looked at him more often with concerned looks. Maybe he had done it before as well and Kaoru just didn't notice until now. He really couldn't tell. It helped to convince Kaoru that Kyoya did in fact care for him as a friend (which felt nice even if Kaoru had started to slowly accept that he wanted more).

"You mean those on my thigh? They are healing just fine. Probably going to scar like the others", Kaoru answered honestly and nonchalantly.

He wanted Kyoya to drop the subject already. It's not like he was actually allowed to give too many details about what he did.

"Is there no way to prevent that from happening?" Kyoya asked hesitantly. "I have heard talking about things might help".

Kaoru started to become annoyed with him again, outright glaring now.

"You always think you know what's best. If this was actually a problem and talking to someone actually helped then I would have done that a long ago. And I can't tell you about what's happening because I'm not allowed to and it could make things more difficult for both of us".

"First of all, I highly doubt that you have any professional person here to talk to, considering all the breakdowns that have happened in your group", Kyoya spat at him. "And I have a difficult time seeing how this is classified and not just something you don't want to tell me. You could just have said that it's personal".

"I'm not lying to you, Kyoya! Yes, it's personal but since when did people like me have a personal life!?"

"Is this behavior caused by a reaction to the serum?" Kyoya ignored his outburst. "Is that why it's to no avail to talk to a psychologist? Why do you have to give more blood than the other boys? Is this bad reaction why you're the only one who doesn't break down after a while?"

"Kyoya, seriously knock it off", Kaoru said in such a serious and tired way that it visibly shocked Kyoya. "You will NEVER hear the answers from me. My own twin only knows about this because he has been around me all my life so I can't hide things from him. You will learn the truth when the people in charge choose to. Which will be pretty soon so don't worry".

They looked at each other intensely in silence.

"So you promise me that they will actually tell me about this?" Kyoya asked.

Kyoya wanted to put an end to the argument. Kaoru's mind went back and forth between Kyoya actually not wanting to hurt him or Kyoya just not wanting to lose a warm body as the reason why he didn't probe further.

"Yes, I promise… you sure must be very curious about this for some reason. Because, like you said before, you didn't come here to meet people to care about so you don't actually care about me, remember?"

And that finished the conversation, Kaoru already knew. Kyoya looked rather conflicted for a few minutes like he wasn't sure what approach was appropriate. However, sometimes the older man was rather predictable because of his own stubbornness. Hence why Kaoru knew that Kyoya was going to end the conversation right there.

"You're right", Kyoya murmured and started to put away the equipment he had previously used on Kaoru. "You can go now. I have other things to do and I assume that you do too".

Kyoya wasn't looking at him and it made him feel uneasy. Had he been too rude to him during their conversation? Did he say something particularly wrong? It couldn't have been the last thing he said, could it?

Kyoya had told him that so many times previously, told him that he didn't care for anyone there and was at the base only for business. All his loved ones were back home, like his flamboyant best friend he sometimes talked about. Tamaki, or whatever his name was. It didn't matter if he saw Kaoru as a friend or not, he was just temporary. A temporary person to talk to, a temporary person to fuck. Kyoya would one day forever, or just temporarily, leave and find a husband. No more need for Kaoru then. Kaoru hoped that Kyoya left forever if he found someone he wanted to spend his life with because Kaoru really didn't think that he could watch that.

"Am I coming over tonight?" Kaoru asked and tried to swallow the lump in his throat. He hoped that Kyoya didn't turn to look at him in case he wasn't hiding his distress as good as he hoped. "You haven't gotten laid in a couple of days".

"Not tonight, I'm going to be busy" Kyoya answered and his voice sounded cold in Kaoru's ears.

Kaoru couldn't actually know if it was an excuse or not. It probably wasn't because Kyoya had been allowed to take part in the research team lately so he had more to do. Still, Kaoru couldn't help but feel rejected.

He turned away from Kyoya and started to leave.

"But come over tomorrow", Kyoya said and Kaoru stopped in his tracks. "But prepare yourself because, like you said, we haven't done anything in a while".

Kaoru slowly nodded but wasn't actually sure if Kyoya was looking at him or not so he mumbled a reply before finally leaving.

Honestly, Kyoya telling him to come the day after felt somehow worse than the rejection, now when Kaoru actually thought about it. The fact that Kyoya was willing to use his body after hurting him by crossing the line didn't sit well with him. Of course, it was just an overreaction on Kaoru's part. From Kyoya's point of view, he just showed Kaoru that they were still good despite their argument. Kaoru sure couldn't be content with anything, always wanting more. What exactly did Kyoya have to do so Kaoru didn't feel hurt? Kaoru knew exactly what, but that would never happen.

Kaoru was met by a suspicious look from Hikaru when he finally got back to their room.

"You took long", Hikaru said, like he was accusing Kaoru of something really bad.

"I always have more things to check, you know that", Kaoru said. He really wasn't in a mood to handle his brother's overprotectiveness right now. "And this time I also had a new injury to look at… and I had a casual conversation with my doctor". There was no point in lying to him, especially when he already knew the truth.

"What were you two talking about?"

"Why do you have to know everything I do? Why can't I have more than one friend?" Kaoru inquired, angry, and walked past his brother to his bed.

"I was just asking because I was curious. I'm not asking about every minute of your life", Hikaru said and rolled his eyes. It made Kaoru even angrier that Hikaru was either pretending or in denial about how bad he actually was.

Hikaru always asked several, accusatory, questions every time Kaoru tried to be social with anyone he didn't have to be social with. Kaoru couldn't even talk to the Boys in his group that has known the twins since before they entered the military, like Jiro, without Hikaru becoming angry.

In a way, Kaoru could understand it. Kaoru was all Hikaru had, after all, the only person he hadn't lost. They understood each other better than anyone else could and had been through so much shit together.

"It's not just you being curious and you know that", Kaoru said, a little softer than before. "You don't like that I want to get to know other people".

"Not when other people are Ootori fucking Kyoya".

"Why is it so bad that I'm friends with him?"

"Because you want to be more than friends!"

"Who fucking cares!?" Kaoru exclaimed. Once again there was no point in lying about this either. "It's just a one-sided crush, so what? I'm getting hurt either way".

"Not as much as you will be!"

"What are you talking about!?"

"HAVEN'T THOUGHT ABOUT WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN WHEN THE WHOLE MILITARY KNOW WHAT WE HAVE DONE!?" Hikaru screamed and Kaoru froze. "You haven't, have you!? Remember how everyone who has known, or at least learned some of it, have treated you? Treated us!? I'm the only loved one who still loves you while knowing everything about you. What hurts the most? Being rejected because he doesn't see you as a boyfriend, or rejected because he thinks you're a horrible person? … Kaoru?"

The lump Kaoru had in his throat from the previous conversation was borderline choking him at this point. The tears he had managed to hold back before flew freely now. If he hadn't been so stressed and emotionally exhausted beforehand he would probably just have been angry and not crying.

He hadn't thought about this. The only thing he might have thought about is that he would feel relief when Kyoya finally got his answers about the scars. He hadn't thought about exactly how much more Kyoya would be told. It's was stupid of him to forget. Kaoru was worse than any Zero. Maybe Kyoya wouldn't know about exactly everything, but enough for him to realize that he was lucky to not have fallen for Kaoru.

"Kaoru, fuck. I'm so sorry for being so harsh. I shouldn't have… fuck". Hikaru wrapped his arms around Kaoru who didn't try to push him away. "I'm sorry, I… look, I know you really like the guy but… we aren't meant to love anyone-". "Or be loved". "-and Kyoya told us that we didn't mean shit to him already… I'm sorry".

"He… he does care a l-little about me", Kaoru sobbed, at least he wanted to believe it. "Th-that's what makes th-this w-worse. Don't say s-sorry… you-you're right".

"I shouldn't have screamed at you though", Hikaru said. "I know you're stressed. Besides the doctor's appointments you both have, you have your secrets coming out plus our very first mission out there. You have a lot to think about".

Hikaru had been both excited and worried when he learned that Kaoru was going to go with him on the mission to the lab they had visited in other people's memories. The worry grew when Kaoru had told him about the electric cloud and for a moment Kaoru had feared that Hikaru would tell on him to keep him at the base. However, Hikaru wasn't that stupid. He knew that it wouldn't go well for Kaoru if he snitched. Hikaru would probably just be kept at the base for his own safety while Kaoru would be punished for keeping quiet. Of course, Kaoru didn't tell that the general knew about it this.

"I guess I do", Kaoru answered and laughed through the tears. "I will get over him eventually. Not the first stupid crush I've had".

"Must be hard, being such a homo around so many hot men".

"Shut up", Kaoru said and both laughed this time. Kaoru had finally calmed down enough for the waterworks to stop.

Hikaru used his hand to dry his brother's eyes and cheeks.

"How much do you bet on that we'll get accused of domestic abuse again because I yelled?"

"Not that I have anything to bet with, but I think that we'll get notified shortly".

And exactly 20 minutes later a guard came to do exactly that.

It was always obvious that the Boys didn't belong with the others every time they walked through the dining room. Everyone else thought that they were so much more important than the Boys even if most couldn't do what the Boys did but anyone could be a jackass giving orders.

Kaoru and the rest of the Boys sat down at their usual table away from the scientists, doctors and superiors. Kyoya acted like he and Kyoya didn't know each other like normal, but Kaoru did catch Kyoya giving him a look before quickly looking away. Kaoru wasn't sure if Kyoya looked concerned, curious, suspicious or whatever. He didn't have the time to properly see. Obviously, he hoped for the first one, even if it made him feel even more guilty for all the secrets. Kaoru didn't deserve him.

"I'm going to get a few paper towels because this looks really messy", Hikaru said and pointed at the goo on his tray. "You want some too, Kao?"

"Yeah, sure. Thanks". Kaoru smiled at him as he left the table.

The smile was replaced with a frown as it felt like someone was staring at him. He looked at Kyoya's table again, but it wasn't him so he returned his eyes back to his own table and looked around until they landed on a familiar blonde to his left. Yes, he should have noticed someone that close sooner.

"How's it going, Jiro?" Kaoru carefully asked.

All of the boys knew that Jiro was close to a dangerous breakdown. There was also a rumor that he might not be allowed to do any more memory diving any time soon. Something that probably didn't make Jiro's situation any better. Hikaru was the Boy who was the least concerned about being useful, but that was only because of certain circumstances. For everyone else, being useless was almost equal to being dead. So Jiro was like a walking corpse. They literally didn't have a life outside of the military and no one really knew what happened to the ones who the military didn't need anymore. Most seemed to think that they weren't told what would happen because the answer was that they would be killed. Kaoru didn't think so… at least not most of the time. He suspected that they weren't told what would happen because the superiors didn't want to risk giving the Boys a reason to want to retire. Maybe retirement meant actually leaving the army to live in the outside world and a bunch of reckless horny guys were very curious beings. That's just a theory though.

"I'm alright, Kaoru… considering the circumstances". Jiro answered and cleared his throat. "If alright means that I'm not currently having a panic attack".

He sounded just as nice as usual, but there was something odd about him. It almost felt like he was angry, which wasn't a surprise. Kaoru had seen all kinds of feelings in the Boys who were freaking out. Unfortunately, not many of those boys stayed long after said freakouts… actually, none of them stayed after their freakouts, now when Kaoru thought about it. It made him feel sad for Jiro because Jiro was actually someone he liked.

"I'm… really sorry to hear about your distress", Kaoru said.

He wasn't actually sure of what he was supposed to say…. Wait. There was something about Jiro that felt different. He had seen the other boy many times before (they had known each other for a long time after all) but this was the first time he actually took a good look at him.

"What's with that look?" Jiro asked while chewing on the already chewed up area around the nail on his index finger.

He had clearly been nervously chewing and picking at the wounds around all of his nails. One of them had left a little bloodstain on his sleeve.

"It's just… something familiar".

"Well I hope so", Jiro chuckled but his face looked stone-like. "I have been here for as long as you have".

"Yeah! Wow, sometimes I forget that I'm not the only OG boy. How many of us are actually left?"

"That's a hard question", Jiro said. "In the Boys, there are only me, you, Hikaru and Kibiki".

"The only Japanese boys in the group", Kaoru commented with a chuckle.

"Exactly. I believe you remember why?" Jiro said and Kaoru stopped smiling. "Anyway. That's how many OG members are left in our group, but at least two, maybe three, are being used in other ways, as you already know".

"They are apart from us because of their usefulness and for their safety", Kaoru said. "If I remember things correctly".

"Yes. Which was a very smart decision". Jiro turned away and looked down at his own food. He sighed and started to slowly eat the goo.

Kaoru felt a little uneasy by the conversation now. But what did you expect from talking to someone who was slowly losing his mind?

Hikaru finally returned and sat down next to him.

"Here you go, little brother", Hikaru said and handed Kaoru a paper towel. "What's with that look?"

"Just a lot to think about" Kaoru answered and pokes the goo with his fork.

"I understand", Hikaru said. "This pre-breakup phase must a pain in the ass at a time like this".

"We aren't boyfriends, we never were".

"Would it feel much different if you were?"

"I guess not", Kaoru mumbled.

He really wanted to tell Kyoya the truth as soon as possible just to get it over with. Kyoya wouldn't take the news well, he might even hurt Kaoru because becoming violent was a natural response to being angry or betrayed. At least in Kaoru's experience. He really didn't like that and he really didn't want to see Kyoya like that, but he might. Or maybe he did want Kyoya to hit him so he could be punished for lying to him. He really couldn't decide which one was the worst.

"How do you think he'll react, Hikaru?" Kaoru asked. "I know he will get angry, but do you think he'll get violent kind of angry or disappointed and silent kind of angry?"

"Do you really want to talk about this?" Hikaru frowned. Kaoru knew that Hikaru was secretly stoked that Kaoru and Kyoya wouldn't have anything outside of a professional relationship anymore, but Hikaru still cared about Kaoru's feelings and didn't want him to be more hurt by this.

"I can't be silent with my thoughts", Kaoru answered.

"If you honestly want my opinion about what he will do… I honestly think he'll just pretend like you two never happened. Maybe he'll continue on like he is just your doctor or ask to switch place with another doctor… I'm really sorry".

"No, you're probably right", Kaoru said sadly and looked down at the table. "He might maybe, MAYBE scold me for not rejecting him knowing what kind of person I am. But he will most likely pretend that I'm nothing to him, he's kind of good at that".

Hikaru wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

"He doesn't deserve you either way. You need someone who isn't treating you like nothing". Hikaru now had a scowl on his face.

"Like I said before, we have never been together. And even if we were, we would still have to pretend that we aren't. I don't think it's allowed for us to be together", Kaoru mumbled. "Besides, you or I dating anyone? That's a joke".

"All of the Boys could date each other", Hikaru joked and Kaoru chuckled. "I'm obviously not going to join. You all can have your homosexual orgy while I'm sitting in the next room jerking off to a magazine I have stolen from one of the doctors".

"You sure you won't one day cave in and ask one of the Boys for a blow job while having your eyes closed", Kaoru said and looked up at him.

"I survived puberty without being that desperate", Hikaru said and cackled. "I think I can manage my coming adult years as well".

Hikaru suddenly looked away from Kaoru and started to look angry. Kaoru frowned and looked in the same direction as his brother. It was Kyoya of course. He and Hikaru were staring at each other… or more like glaring. Kaoru knew why Hikaru glared, but why did Kyoya glare back?

Kyoya looked at Kaoru instead and his expression immediately turned softer and more curious. Now Kaoru understood that Kyoya was wondering why he looked so distraught and why Hikaru was trying to comfort him. Kaoru couldn't come up with another reason because why else would Kyoya show interest in this? … and why would he even notice in the first place? Consider that he thought that Kaoru was a self-harmer, he probably thought that Kaoru's current distress meant that he was starting to get suicidal… however, the fact was still that Kyoya actually (probably) worried about him. That was good enough for Kaoru.

Kaoru smiled at him in return to show (lie) that he was fine. Kyoya nodded with a small smile back before returning to the conversation his colleges were having. Kaoru looked down at his food again and Hikaru glared at Kyoya for a few more seconds before looking back to Kaoru.

"What was that all about, Kaoru?" Hikaru asked, still a little angry. "Why was he looking at you now?"

"He was not trying to send me a mental booty call if that's what you think", Kaoru said with a small chuckle. "Just ignore him, Hikaru".

"How can I when that pervert is trying to put his nose where it doesn't belong?" Hikaru said and gave Kyoya another, quick, glare. "He has no right to know anything about you if he won't be able to handle the truth".

"I guess not", Kaoru mumbled and put his fork back on the table. He had lost his appetite. "Can't he know the truth sooner so this nightmare can end?"

"You could also break off your 'friends with benefits'- thing before that", Hikaru suggested. "You are not obligated to continue if it's not right for you".

"I know".

"But you're not going to be the one to end it, right?"

"No".

It was late but not so late that the Boys had to go to bed yet. Most of them still did because they had training the day after, early in the morning to keep their bodies in shape in case of emergency and you wanted to get as much sleep as possible. The ones who didn't go to sleep yet hung out in the Boys' common room. A place where you could play board games, sometimes watch movies, listen to music, draw, read books and just socialize.

The twins were currently the only ones there. One of the new Boys had just left the room after just finishing a book that Kaoru had read several times. The brothers were tired but Kaoru didn't want to go to bed yet. He was supposed to go to Kyoya's room the night after and he was full of guilt and anxiety over having to pretend like everything was normal.

"I really need to go to sleep now", Hikaru said, tired, and put his pencil back where it belonged. He had tried to come up with something to draw for a while now but his paper was still blank.

All the twins ever did draw was clothes, because they were so fascinated by what they saw in the magazines or how the clothes were described in the books. They tried to draw other things as well - hence why Hikaru couldn't come up with anything - because they were always made fun of for that. Kyoya never did comment anything negative about their drawings though. He once accidentally saw one dress that Kaoru was drawing and said that it looked like something rich people wear and that it was a good design that could be better with practice.

"Stop thinking about him", Kaoru mentally told himself.

"You look like you're going to pass out, Hikaru", Kaoru said with a yawn. "So I agree with your body that you need to go to sleep".

"Are you coming with me? You probably look just as tired as me", Hikaru asked.

Just when Kaoru was about to answer, he was hit by a numbness that made it harder for him to see, hear and feel and he became way more tired than before, but yet more awake at the same time. It was like he was exhausted and so full of energy that he was unable to fall asleep. It was hard to explain because it wasn't something you normally experience.

"No, I think I want to stay a little longer", Kaoru said but it wasn't at all what he wanted to say. "I won't be here for long, I promise".

"What the fuck is going on? No, I want to go with him. I'm tired as hell. Why am I saying this crap?"

"Do you really want to be alone right now?" Hikaru asked. "And staying up later than this isn't ideal. Both you and I need extra training for our upcoming fieldwork, remember?"

"Like I said, I won't be up for much longer. I just remembered that general Rai was asking for me and I'm already late as it is".

"What the fuck!? I can't even move on my own accord!... What are you trying to do to me!?"

"Jeeeesus Christ Kaoru. You better fucking hurry before he bashes your head in for being late", Hikaru exclaimed with wide eyes.

"Yes, so I need to go now", Kaoru said (again) against his will.

"That's a pretty good excuse. None of the boys would question anything if you're supposed to hurry to Rai. What are you trying to do?"

Kaoru nodded at Hikaru and both exited the common room together. They waved to each other before going in opposite directions.

Kaoru wanted to fight his body, but it had betrayed him. Someone else was in charge for now and it could only mean bad things.

He walked farther and farther away from the common room, down four staircases and through a small hallway towards meeting room number 6.

"What are you trying to do!? You have never taken over my body before, what are you planning to do with me, Jiro?"

Kaoru walked into the meeting room and locked the door behind him. Jiro was sitting on a chair close to the door with his eyes closed. He looked more peaceful than he had looked in quite a while.

Jiro made Kaoru walk over to the wall opposite of the door and made him sit down on one of the chairs there. The blonde boy opened his eyes and all the senses that were previously dulled down returned to Kaoru. He moved his hands in small circles to make sure that he was the one in charge before he turned to Jiro with a puzzled look.

"What is the meaning of this?" Kaoru asked.

"You still remember that I'm a zero? That I'm doing this?" Jiro mused. "So you're not completely oblivious to reality?"

Jiro didn't sound psychotic or like any of those crazy villains in the cartoons the Boys were allowed to watch. He looked annoyed and angry, not like he was going to laugh like a maniac or anything like that.

"Of course I remember", Kaoru said, he was quite annoyed too. "But I don't understand why you used your powers on me to get me here when you could just have asked to talk with me privately".

Jiro picked up a rather long splinter, about three inches, from his pocket. He placed the tip of the splinter under the nail on his index finger and pushed it in. He winced as the wooden material went all the way through the space under his nail and further into his finger. Kaoru forced himself to keep looking because he didn't want to show weakness, but it wasn't an easy thing to look at.

Jiro let go of the splinter when he thought that a good part of it was in his finger. You could see it in his face that it was extremely painful. He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths before looking at Kaoru again.

"Did you hope that I was going to forget this? That you had a chance of getting away?" Jiro asked and Kaoru frowned.

"No, Jiro! Why are you so convinced that I have something against you? You are my friend!" Kaoru cried. He noticed that Jiro wasn't removing the splinter, which meant that he was ready to take over Kaoru's body again if he tried to escape. Some Zeros really had to do gross things to be able to use their powers. Or was it only some? Every Zero Kaoru had met had to do something disgusting to themselves.

"Are we actually friends or is Hikaru your only friend, Kaoru?" Jiro asked and rolled his eyes. "Besides, why would I want to be your friend when you have fucked people up?"

"You are not innocent in all this! You have done messed up shit too! Don't forget that". Kaoru refused to let Jiro believe that he was an innocent victim. "You are just as bad as me!"

"Uh, yeah? And what have I done recently that ruin people's lives!?"

But then Kaoru's eyes widened.

"So he's talking about that? But that's not my fault!"

"I'm not in charge of that Jiro, and you know that", Kaoru said. "I'm just giving my help. Everyone knew the risks before-".

"I used to defend you Kaoru, Lord knows I did", Jiro said and groaned in frustration. "I defended you against the Boys who wanted to punish you. Remember those five guys who attacked you? I helped you. I put in a good word for you and helped you make them think it was self-defense. I even spent years telling the Boys that they shouldn't be mad at you, but boy do I regret that now".

"Don't bring up those guys", Kaoru said, almost pleaded. "You know that's a sensitive subject and you fucking know that it was self-defense. They. Attacked. Me".

"I clearly don't care about your feelings anymore Kaoru", Jiro said with a spiteful smile. Maybe there was something psychotic in him after all. "And yes it was self-defense. I won't deny that. The point is that I should just have let people take their anger out on you because you deserve it".

"Why are you saying this? What happened to you?" Kaoru didn't understand.

Jiro had always been a kind and funny person who was always nice to talk to. Just like Jiro also said, he had even defended Kaoru on multiple occasions. Why was he turning on him now… no, wait. It was obvious as to why.

"Are you turning against me because you're breaking down? You're blaming me for this!? Jiro, you knew the risks of doing this to your mind. I was not leading you on. You told me that you knew-".

"It's not fair!" Jiro exclaimed and flew up from his chair. "It's not fucking fair how you're not breaking down when everyone else does! Even your fucking twin is slowly breaking down!"

"He is not!"

"I used to be able to talk to you without him being suspicious of everything we said. Kaoru, he is getting more and more paranoid and you know it", Jiro said and shook his head in disbelief at Kaoru's childish denial. "But that's beside the point. Everyone is losing their mind eventually and you still have your sanity left. You aren't getting any consequences. You. You deserve to have a shattered mind more than anyone else!"

"No consequences? Look at my fucking arms!" Kaoru yelled and pulled up one of his sleeves. "I'm not going through this safe and sound. I have been hurt by this work for a long fucking time and it's not stopping anytime soon!"

"But are you getting nightmares? Are you getting anxiety over every little thing? Is telling your own memories apart from the ones you have visited becoming harder and harder!? Have you found yourself thinking that you're someone whose mind you once visited through a memory!? HAVE YOU EVER LOOKED IN THE MIRROR SEVERAL TIMES A DAY TO MAKE SURE THAT IT'S ACTUALLY YOURSELF THAT YOU'RE SEEING!?" Jiro ran towards Kaoru.

Before Kaoru could react, he had Jiro's bony but strong hands wrapped around his neck. Kaoru stood up and tried to pry his hands away from his throat, but Jiro just rammed Kaoru's head into the wall and tightened his grip. Thanks to Kaoru's head injury, the collision with the wall behind him created an intense headache, and his body was still weak after being under Jiro's control.

He became more and more light headed as he wasn't able to properly inhale more air. He tried to hit Jiro in the face, but he was too weak at the moment. Jiro didn't even seem to care how this put more strain on the splinter in his finger.

Kaoru tried to beg Jiro to let him go, but he couldn't talk. The only thing coming out of his mouth was choked gasps. They were looking into each other's eyes; Kaoru looked at Jiro with watering and pleading eyes and Jiro looked at Kaoru with pure hatred…. wait.

Kaoru clicked on his ring several times until his small hidden blade came out. He was slowly starting to blackout and his thoughts became less coherent because of a lack of oxygen in his brain, but he knew that he had to attack Jiro in a place that would really hurt. Not hurt like a cut up finger, but hurt like something you just can't ignore.

With the last of his strength, Kaoru swung his arm against Jiro's head so the hidden blade dragged along Jiro's face. Jiro screamed and his grip loosened slightly on Kaoru, but it wasn't enough to make sure that Kaoru was safe. Quickly, Kaoru tied his fist and hit Jiro on the eye so the tiny blade penetrated the cornea and went in deeper. Jiro screamed louder this time and let go of Kaoru to cover his bleeding eye. Kaoru fell to the floor and tried to desperately inhale as much air as possible, while slowly crawling away with his weak arms. He didn't care about the blood and goo from Jiro's eye covering his fist, he just needed to get away.

The doors to the room flew open and five soldiers ran in. Kaoru didn't know how they got there so quickly, but he couldn't care less about that right now.

One of the soldiers told Jiro to lay down on the ground and Jiro looked at them with hatred and fear in his eye. The soldier repeated the question and Jiro slowly lowered himself to the floor. However, Kaoru saw how he grabbed the splinter in his finger. He tried to warn the soldiers, but the strength Jiro had while choking him had made him unable to make any noise that didn't sound like a broken whisper.

Within a minute, Jiro yanked the splinter out and closed his only working eye. One of the soldiers immediately froze before turning his gun on the other four.

"No Jiro! Don't do this! There is no turning back if you…!"

The soldier Jiro had taken over shot one soldier in the head so blood splattered on the wall behind him. The other soldiers jumped out of the way to find protection. Jiro managed to accidentally shoot another soldier in the arm instead of the head and the soldier fell to the ground. The soldier on the ground managed to click the reinforcement button on his armor before Jiro's puppet finished the job. Help was on the way.

The other two soldiers tried to protect themselves yet not damage their fellow soldiers fatally. Kaoru assumed that it was because they knew that Jiro had taken over his body and therefore he didn't deserve to die. However, their shots at his arms and legs were futile because Jiro could only feel a certain percentage of his puppet's pain. Kaoru wanted to scream at them to shoot their friend in the head so they wouldn't die, even if it would make him sound heartless and cold. It would also make him a massive hypocrite because he should have in fact told them to shoot Jiro instead, but he wouldn't do that even if he was able to use his voice.

More soldiers stumbled into the room and these soldiers seemed to give no fucks. Two of them gunned down the rouge soldier despite his friends' protests (begging). Jiro opened his eye just as one of the soldiers pointed a gun at him. All the anger in his eyes was replaced with fear.

"N-no, please! I'll-I'll be good. I promise!" He begged while clutching his wounded eye. Jiro would never be able to use that eye again if he was allowed to come out of this alive.

Kaoru himself tried to call for the soldier to stop but his voice wasn't fully back yet.

"Botan Baisotei", the soldier said sternly. "Known as Jiro. You have committed several crimes this evening. Kidnapping, using your zero powers on two soldiers with two accounts of using your powers to kill, which means two accounts of murder and attempted murder plus resisting arrest. You had gone away with an easier sentence if you had just committed kidnapping and using your zero on-".

"I'm begging you!" Jiro exclaimed and raised both of his hands in surrender. "I'm not b-bad. I need help, please! I didn't want to kill them, b-but they would have k-killed me!"

"You fucking idiot, Jiro. They would have retired you! You would have still been able to live if you hadn't been so afraid!"

"We were only asked to kill you if you turned rouge. You're a murderer, Botan".

"Don't call me that by that name! You didn't before, d-don't start n-now. And I was a murderer before! But this wasn't for the same reason, I was, I was".

"Of course you were, you're a zero. Zeros are usually murderers. That's what your powers are for, right?" The soldier said coldly to the sobbing teenager on the floor. "But we have rules here and you know the rules, but you broke them. Stay calm and wait until one of the generals arrive and pray that he has mercy on your fucked up soul".

Kaoru slowly started to crawl towards Jiro, trying to call for him.

Jiro slowly nodded at the soldier with his eyes staring right into the barrel of the gun. He tried to calm himself down despite how terrified he was. He was shaking.

"Yes Jiro, please stay calm. There is a chance that you'll survive this. If you don't freak out, they'll probably assume that your reaction was out of fear and insanity and use this to discharge you. Stay calm, please. The general might not want you dead if he realizes that you're crazy".

"They are not going to let me live", Jiro said and started to hyperventilate. "They are going to kill me". Under his breath, Jiro whispered: "It's never going back". Kaoru was sure that he was the only one who heard that.

"Stay down, Baisotei!" The soldier ordered and the other soldiers pointed their guns at the boy too. By using Jiro's legal name, he made it clear that he had no respect for him. There were several reasons why people refrained from using anything but the name Jiro when talking to or about Jiro. "And for fucks sake, get Kaoru away from him!"

Before Kaoru could try to protest, he felt someone wrap their arm around his body under his armpits and hoist him up before pulling him away. He became more lightheaded when he was forced to stand up so quickly. He wanted to tell them to stop, that he could maybe calm his friend down… his friend who just tried to kill him.

Everything after that went so fast. Jiro's eyes snapped to Kaoru's direction and his hand flew to the splinter on the floor before his bloodied head fell to the ground followed by a loud sound.

Kaoru was in shock for a minute before he started to scream. He sounded like a broken music box and he felt how he was ruining his voice, but he didn't care. He couldn't stop yelling at the dead body about how fucking stupid he was for freaking out, how stupid it was of him to act so stupidly afraid of dying so much that he got himself killed, how stupid it was of him to try to use his powers when there was a change that he wouldn't be killed, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid!

"Silence him before he permanently damages his vocal cords", the soldier who shot Jiro said to the soldier who held Kaoru, and Kaoru's mouth was covered by a hand before he felt a familiar sting in his neck. The last thing he saw before he lost consciousness was Jiro's eyes. They didn't have the same hatred that they previously held, instead, they looked empty.