16th of April 1995
It was the first day after the night of the full moon. Remus woke up in his cottage, naked, a bit bloody and bruised. He fell asleep on the floor because in the post-transformation delirium he thought that was the best choice. Oh, how wrong was he about that. He slowly got up, and the pain started to pierce his joints. It wasn't so bad this time, though. Maybe because his human mind was calmer than before. He got himself into the shower, longing for a long hot shower but knowing it would sting his new wounds. He made that shower a quick one and looked himself in the mirror. Only two new wounds. It's fine, not so bad.
Remus dressed himself slowly after putting ointments on his wounds, still tired from the night before, but somewhat more relaxed. He couldn't deny that breaking of the inner tension with transforming. Calmness that came with the next day made it all more bearable. He made his tea with magic, not even bothering doing it muggle-way. Sirius was right about that. They are blessed with the ability to do magic, so why not using it to make your life easier? Remus placed himself into the armchair next to the fireplace, and moved his head slowly. The muscles were sore, but he was a bit surprised how well he felt.
Only a month before he spent the full moon night with Sirius. Even though Remus didn't remember, since he was fully transformed then, Sirius told him all about their night. They went running, but Remus grew hunger and attacked Sirius. They fought for a while, nothing new there, but they stopped at once, both of them to tired to go on. They fell asleep in the woods near the ocean, lucky that no one caught them. In the morning they shared a breakfast, and Sirius took off with Buckbeak. And Remus was alone again.
Having Sirius for a roommate, even for just a few nights, reminded Remus about their Hogwarts days. It was easy to give Sirius a place to sleep, even in his small cottage. Sirius took his dog form and slept in the armchair. Easy enough. Sirius liked sleeping in his dog form for some reason. He sometimes did that in Hogwarts, and Remus protested that loudly because it was stupid to risk getting caught. They were a group of teenagers; a werewolf and three illegal animagi. Of course, Lily and Marlene McKinnon knew the secret and Dorcas Meadowes found out by accident, but still agreed to keep it all a secret. She and Marlene were the best friends, and Marlene was madly in love with Sirius, so Dorcas would agree to do anything to help her friend.
And just like that, from having just three friends who knew his secret and helped him with it, he got another three. Lily and the girls would go to the kitchens and get some food from the house elves, pack that up along with some warm clothes for Remus, and of course James' priceless invisibility cloak. They would wait for them in various places, and Hogwarts wasn't so strict back then. He would appreciate Lily's warm hug in the morning.
Lily was like a sister to Remus, and that started in their first year of Hogwarts.. Back then boys didn't know Remus' secret, so he would hide in the library in the week of the full moon. He was scared they would notice his strange behaviour or his dark circles growing bigger. Lily would sit with him in the library, shared a chocolate with him, and they talked about magic world, both impressed with it. Sirius, James and Peter never understood Remus' fascination because he knew about magic, but his father tried to control himself in front of him. Lyall Lupin thought that Hogwarts will never accept Remus, and that with using magic in front of him it will just become harder for the boy. So Remus' childhood was pretty much muggle-like, and Lily was muggle-born, so both of them were fascinated with the new life that was given to them.
Lily would never ask him how he's doing because it was obvious that Remus won't talk, until that one day in their third year when Remus got himself another scar and Lily demanded answers. Remus confessed the truth, telling her the whole story. Lily stared at him for a minute and then hugged him like never before. From that day Remus knew that Lily Evans will always be his friend, his sister, his family. When James became serious about being in love with Lily, Remus had a little talk with his best friend. He intentionally sent Sirius with Peter to get him something, just to be alone with James. Remus just wanted to be sure that James is serious this time, making sure that he won't hurt Lily.
At the day of their wedding, Remus was really glad to see their friends happy and in love. But even then, he longed to have someone like that, too. He wanted to have what James and Lily had, and he knew that those things never happen to someone like that. When Harry was born, Remus once again felt same emptiness. He loved babies and loved to play with Harry when he would visit Lily and James. But it only reminded him of something he will never have, a child of his own. He focused on work then, trying to ease his mind and not to think about the life he will never have.
It was foolish of Remus to feel sorry and responsible for everything that happened because he introduced Peter to James and Sirius. Remus felt sorry for Peter, who was shy and plump, and had real problems with trying to make some friends. Knowing how hard it is having no friends at all, Remus wanted to include Peter in their little group. James and Sirius agreed. How could Remus possibly know that that child will do all those things ten years later? It was foolish, but Remus thought about that in his darkest days. After James and Lily's funeral, which was held on Sirius' twenty-second birthday, Remus took off. He was too hurt to stay. Voldemort was gone, and so were James, Lily, Peter, Sirius, Marlene and Dorcas. Everyone. Gone. Just like that. And Remus was alone again.
Remus often thought about Harry, and the life he had. He hoped, even though he also heard the stories about Petunia from Lily, that Petunia's heart would soften once she saw baby Harry. The boy who lived. But he was wrong, and he figured that out one summer night when he ended up on Privet Drive. Remus was curious, he wanted to see Harry after five years, so he managed to get close. He saw Dudley chasing Harry, throwing pebbles at him. Remus was worried with Harry looking very thin and Dudley being big as always. But he knew he couldn't do anything about that. Dumbledore was clear, Harry must stay with his aunt. It's not like Remus could take care of the baby, anyways. He was a poor werewolf, too dangerous for playing father to the one-year-old baby. And again, Remus felt like he let down his friends again, and again because of his furry little problem.
And then he ran away. He traveled a lot, all across the UK and Europe. He managed to get into the researchers group who researched Boggarts and non-corporeal beings. But, once again he had to quit it after a few months and one really bad full moon. Then he went underground, but he could never adapt to the werewolf lifestyle. After only two months, he decided that he would rather be alone for the rest of his life than to live a life that made him so sick. If he was in the pack, he was easier to seduce and he was afraid that the werewolves would get the best of him. And he didn't want to ever inflict anyone with lycanthropy, so he ran away.
While on his run, he met couple of people who liked him, but he never stayed anywhere too long, so he didn't bother making friends. Why would he do that when eventually they would all leave, one way or another? He had couple of flings, too. In Hogwarts, he always controlled himself, rejecting girls who shown any interest for him. He knew that he can't commit and he would never risk losing control before. But when he was on the run, he gave in, and let himself be seduced with one or two tavern girls, after a few too many glasses of firewhiskey. As a teenager, he figured that before full moon his hormones get crazed to, so he was always carefull, afraid of losing control.
When Remus first tried Wolfsbane, he was frightened, but somewhat delighted. Even with his mind, and not the wolf's, he liked the power the wolf possessed. He ran for hours, and for the first time he could say that the night of the full moon was a good night. But, of course Wolfsbane was expensive and Remus' couldn't possibly brew it because his werewolf senses would drive him insane. So, Wolfsbane became only one more thing on Remus' list of wishes that will never come true.
Dumbledore approached Remus one silent night in the Leaky Cauldron. Remus was just back from some honorary work he did for the shop owners in the Diagon Alley. He was too smart to be an errand boy, but he had no choice, and he had to eat something. Dumbledore once again gave Remus a chance for a better life, and in theory it was supposed to work. Snape would make Remus' Wolfsbane, he would have a decent job and a place to live, and he would help children teaching the wonders of magic. Still, Remus needed some reassuring, and Dumbledore did his best, so Remus accepted. And then it hit him; he will teach Harry. He will finally meet the boy who was a son of the two people he will mourn forever. And that thought made him happy. He could finally meet Harry in safe environment, and with his furry little problem under control.
Of course, Snape was eager to share Remus' secret, so he did just that with the first chance given. And it was the night when he met Sirius again, and when Sirius ran away. That night went too wrong for so many reasons, but Sirius was alive and well, and so was Peter, so there was still a chance of getting Sirius' life back. If only he could find Peter. It would be so easier if they were all at Hogwarts, and he had their magnificent Marauder's map. Remus was so amused with the fact the map found a way to Harry's hands, the hands of the only heir of the famous Marauders. He was even happier when he could give it back to Harry when he resigned.
Dumbledore was almost trying to make him not resign, but Remus was determined and Dumbledore knew he can't convince him to stay anymore. However, Remus informed Dumbledore about everything. He owned that to him. Dumbledore was the first person who gave Remus a chance to live like a normal human, and Remus was immensely grateful for that. He told him about Peter, Sirius, the swap and how everyone was wrong; Sirius Black never killed anyone. He wanted to, but never did. Dumbledore, of course, already figured that out as he set Harry and Hermione to do what had to be done. Dumbledore agreed to keep Remus informed about anything unusual.
And of course, Dumbledore really kept his promise. He informed Remus about Harry being chosen for competing in the Triwizard Tournament in a matter of hours after it happened. Remus was concerned, but didn't want to make a fuss about it, so he chose not to write to Harry. He was still ashamed of what happened that night the year before, and thought that Harry probably wouldn't even care about his letter. He knew that Harry now had Sirius, and that he would most likely write to him.
It was all so complicated. Remus finished his tea and felt even more lonely, deep in his thoughts. He really wanted to be a good friend to Sirius, but he had no way of helping him. And that made him feel helpless once again. He felt some back pain, but that too wasn't unusual. He didn't like the sadness he got from his melancholic thoughts. Time to bury his mind in some of the books. From time to time, he would visit his father, who was always happy to see him. Lyall Lupin was feeling guilty for Remus' condition more than anyone, and the least he could do was to buy his son stacks and stacks of books. Remus' mother, Hope, read a lot to him, and Remus always dug himself deep in books when his mind was working overtime.
His cottage was small; he had two armchairs near the fireplace, a double bed in the back, small kitchen-like space, a table and a small bathroom with a shower. His mother was good at gardening, so Remus knew a thing or two about that, which helped him to set up a little garden. He planted some vegetables, preserving them to last longer than usual, so he could have a proper meal at least three days a week. And he never missed chocolate, because Madam Pomfrey sent him a monthly package of sweets and healing ointments ever since he left Hogwarts. She was always so worried about Remus during full moons, and she always allowed his friends to sleep in the hospital wing with him because during Remus' first year she saw the little boy crying too many times. Alone, in the cold hospital bed. She, of course, always tried to console him, and Remus appreciated it all. He always sent her some wild flowers in thanks, or some book he found interesting.
All of that was great, but Remus missed company just like Sirius did. Only difference was that Remus got used to being alone and lonely. Sirius was just adapted to the situation he was in, he never got used to being alone. Remus did. He did that when he was a boy, actually. He had stacks and stacks of notebooks filled with scribbles and notes on magic and magical entities, all from the books he read. When Remus became a prefect in his fifth year, professor McGonagall gifted him with very nice writing quill, and Remus wrote all of his exams with it. Now, it was the only quill he had, and he was really happy to have it.
Hope Lupin died when Remus was 17. She got sick and died shortly after that. Remus was devastated, but still had his friends to cheer him up. It happened the same day Remus came back from Hogwarts for summer break. James, Sirius and Peter got some money and after Hope's funeral took Remus on a small road trip to ease his mind. Oh, how nice was even to think about road trips right now. He had bunch of his mother muggle books and one old vinyl records player with bunch of records. He collected them and even introduced Sirius to some of the best muggle music there is. Sirius spent so much money on muggle records that Walburga Black was furious and wanted to forbid Sirius from hanging out with Sirius ever again.
He put some blues record on and opened the windows. Fresh morning air and a smell of ocean woke him up immediately. He was relaxed, but yet tense. He hasn't felt that kind of tension in a while. Sirius' visit only pointed out that something is indeed happening in Hogwarts and that someone definitely wants no good to Harry. They must stay alert. Constant Vigilance, as Moody taught them during the first war. Remus knew he had to do something so he decided to write to Moody. Moody was in Hogwarts, and he actively spends time with Harry, so maybe he knows something. And if he does, Remus will notify Sirius. It wasn't much, but it was the best plan he and Sirius had.
21st of May 1995
It was Saturday afternoon, and Tonks was sitting in the living room of her parent's house, a place she used to call home. Her hair was magenta pink, short and curly, but her mood was a bit down. On work, she kept her part of the deal with Kingsley and pretended that she's working on the Tibet trail, but she was actually amused with how funny that whole story seemed to her. Kingsley took her with him a couple more times, and they talked, but their brainstorming was interrupted with some dark wizards trying to smuggle couple of tampered portraits. She got hit with badly performed stun spell, and had to visit St Mungo's. That was last week, and Andromeda was all worried about Tonks, so Tonks promised to her mother that she will come over.
It wasn't that she didn't like her parents, she did, especially her dad who was always on her side, and never rejected a good prank. Her mother was more stuck up, but had quite a hippie soul, so she never really got angry. Although, she was worrying too much about Tonks, maybe because she was afraid that someone would try to get her because of her abilities. Metamorphmaguses were rare, and Andromeda was more aware of that than her muggle-born husband. And, of course, her family was insane. Her older sister, Bellatrix, once swore that she will get them, and Andromeda didn't want to give Bella an opportunity to even try.
Whenever Tonks came by to her parents, her mother would comment about how dangerous her job is. She would prefer Tonks doing some desk job for the rest of her life. Something Tonks found not possible because she would rather burn herself alive than do some boring paperwork forever. Ted, on the other hand, wanted to know everything about the criminals she caught, or the dark artifacts she saw. He was more fascinated by those stories. And Tonks understood that, because to be honest she was still impressed with all the things she encountered at her job in that short time.
However, she tried to get more information about Sirius Black and his friends. Tonks asked professor Sprout for help, convincing her old head of the house that she needed the information for Ministry investigation. And that wasn't a lie. Tonks wanted to know more about Black's magic ability, and she knew that her mother could tell her about that. Still, she was a bit nervous because her mother didn't always like to talk about her family, and especially Sirius after his arrest. Tonks waited for her father to be out of the room to try to get some information. She started to fidget with her sleeves, something that made her feel better at the moment.
"Mum, can I ask you something? Something about Sirius?" She asked carefully. Andromeda flinched at the sound of Sirius' name. She spilled some of her after lunch tea on the tea saucer, and looked at her daughter a bit surprised.
"I'm sorry, mom… It's just…" Tonks tried to do some damage control. She hoped to see if her mother burned herself, but of course she tripped and fell back on the couch.
"No, Dora, sit. It's okay. You just caught me by surprise. I assume it's because of your job, so ask. You know that I will help you if I can," Andromeda said calmly. Her Black face lines were stiff, almost not moving.
"Fine… Well, was he good at magic? I mean, was he like really good?" Tonks asked.
"You want to know how good was he? Well, Sirius was really talented. He loved using magic and never got enough of learning. Can't imagine the day he decided to use it so wrongly..." Andromeda said, lowering her voice. She sounded so disappointed. And she was. Sirius was the only one of the Blacks who never judged her for choosing Ted and leaving the family. She never believed he turned to the dark side, but no one had any evidence to confirm that, so Andromeda grew to believe it really was truth.
"So, you think he could fight back the aurors?" Tonks asked curiously.
"Well, I imagine he did when they arrested him, didn't he? Sirius was too proud to surrender, even in games. I bet he gave those Aurors real trouble," Andromeda was sure in her words. Reports and details about Sirius' arrest weren't public, so no one knew exactly what happened except the Aurors.
"Hmm… And what about Peter Pettigrew? I knew you mentioned you met them all?" Tonks was even more curious now. Her mother just confirmed that Sirius wasn't the type would go without the fight.
"Well, he was a quiet and plump, always tagged along with them. But if your question is who was better and duelling, I would say Sirius without a doubt," Andromeda took a sip of her tea.
"I see, and Lupin?" Tonks asked about the only one of them who didn't have thick Auror reports file.
"Ahhh… Remus Lupin. That man was the smartest of them all, I would say. Quite shy, but the brains in that one. You know how hyperactive you can get when you get excited?" Andromeda now asked Tonks. Tonks nodded, not really understanding the relevance. "Well, I would say that's Remus Lupin's brain all the time. He always wanted to talk Sirius out of doing unecessary and dangerous things. James was Sirius' parner in crime, always together," Andromeda smiled a bit. "Last time I saw James Potter alive, he brought Sirius drunk as a skunk in here, and he sat in that chair," she said pointing in the now empty armchair.
"But Sirius betrayed James Potter," Tonks said like she wanted to remind her mother of the events that happened in 1981.
" I know, honey… But pardon me, I sometimes still can't get it through. Sirius loved James, they were like brothers. Well, they were more like brothers than my sisters ever were like sisters to me. From the day one in Hogwarts, since Sirius was placed in Gryffindor, I thought they would be friends for life. And I was happy for Sirius to find someone outside of our family's friends circle," Andromeda sighed. She sounded so sad now.
"I'm sorry, mum. I didn't want to pry," Tonks really was sorry. She didn't want to make her mother sad.
"It's okay, Dora. It's still a bit much, you know. I guess I'm more disappointed in Sirius than I thought," she said flatly now. Black women really had one thing in common, they could gather their minds and feelings in a matter of seconds. Tonks wished she could do that like her mother, although she could do it sometimes.
"I know, mum," She sat next to her mother and hugged her.
"Dora, Sirius was a good man. I don't know what happened to him, but I really don't think he could do that to James and Lily Potter, and Peter Pettigrew… He was good at magic, but I know dark magic better, given Bella's preference. And that curse that killed those muggles… It wasn't something you see everyday, I just know it. But, my opinion doesn't matter. I mean, everything's pointing at Sirius. I'm just sorry that both him and Regulus chose the wrong path, just like my sister. Well, I'm still not sure about Cissy, but given who's her husband…" Andromeda once again sounded so disappointed.
"Well, mum, I'm glad I never met any of them," Tonks was feeling sudden wave of anger. "They kicked you out of their lives just because you've fallen in love with dad, who wasn't good by what? Some standards from 17th century? I don't need that kind of family, and I'm glad you chose dad!" Tonks hugged her mother again. Andromeda smiled and hugged her daughter hard. She ruffled Tonks' hair while hugging her.
"You are brave and smart young woman, Nymphadora. I'm so proud of you. But remember, don't get blinded by hatred. You see how bad that turns out. Everyone, and I mean, everyone has at least something good in them," Andromeda understood her daughter, but didn't want her to become hateful.
"I know, mum, don't worry about me," Tonks said, looking at her mother. "Hmm, would you ever talk to any of your sisters after everything that happened?" She blurted out of pure curiousity. She never met any of her aunts, and she heard all the stories about Bellatrix, but Narcissa didn't seem so bad. At least she never tortured someone, she just married a pure-blood idiot.
"With Narcissa, maybe. I mean, I would ask her why did she wait so long to talk to me. You know she used to send me Christmas and Birthday cards? She stopped when You-Know-Who fell, and Lucius became paranoid git. I do understand her position, and having a Malfoy heir for a son binds her to all of that madness. But, I must admit that I somehow hope that she still has her senses. You know, out the three of us, I think Narcissa is the smartest one," Andromeda had a wide smile now. When she and her sisters were children, they got along nicely, and she had a happy childhood in that way. "Bella is stubborn and ambitious. She will always get what she want, but she will use her cunning mind for her goals. Narcissa is more sophisticated, she thinks three times before doing anything, and she has the whole alphabet of plans in her head. I, as you know, always listened to my heart rather than my brains, and I don't regret it. But, if Narcissa came to me, I would hear her out. I owe her at least that. With Bella… I don't know if I have anything to say to her anymore. Bella made it clear I'm not her sister anymore, so why bother?" Andromeda's smile faded.
"But we both agree that Lucius Malfoy is self-centered slimy prick, right?" Tonks said and winked at her mother. Andromeda burst into laughter, hugging her daughter once more.
"Just be careful, Dora. And if you ever cross path with any of them, please take extra caution because after all this time, I'm not sure what are they capable of," Andromeda said and pinched Tonks' cheek. At that moment Ted came, and they spent a nice afternoon together. Even though she thought it will be much more exhausting, Tonks had a really good time with her parents, and she missed the human kindness.
When she came back home at her flat, she felt lonely again. She made herself a nice warm bubble bath, but she was still down. With hearing all those stories, she was more confused than before. Her mother was so surely talking about not trusting that Sirius did all the things he is accused of. And why did she changed the subject so suddenly? Two weeks ago, Tonks couldn't sleep, so she made a little mental map about all the things she knew about Sirius Black and his little gang.
James Potter's life became public knowledge, as much as did Lily's. She didn't need any more information on him. But in the section about Remus Lupin she added one new note; really smart/nerdy/boring one. She pulled the Hogwarts records she got from professor Sprout. He looked at the photo of him, and she realized how Lupin looked a bit older than twenty, and most definitely not like he was eighteen. She compared it to the photo of Sirius Black, James Potter and Peter Pettigrew who looked normal for their age. She saw Sirius' famous Black face lines, and thick hair. James Potter looked like typical quidditch seeker. Peter Pettigrew looked like the towel boy. She noted her observations, and charmed the notes to be in different colours.
In James' file was a picture of them all, celebrating some quidditch win. They looked so happy. Tonks was kind of envious. In Hogwarts she had some friends, but none of them were too close to her. She had some girl friends, but they all grew apart after school. Her best friend was Charlie Weasley, and they bonded just because they both felt out of place. Charlie was the second born Weasley, always afraid that it's expected from him to act like his older brother Bill. It was Tonks who encouraged him to be himself, and he did that to her either. They were always close friends, but never anything more than that, except a few drunken nights that meant nothing to both of them. And Charlie moved to Romania, so Tonks felt more alone again. All the other boys in school were mocking her because of her ability to morph, and demanded from her to morph at will. Sometimes she liked that, but mostly she didn't. She was never alone, though, always surrounded with people.
But she was kind of envious watching the photo of the Marauders. They seemed really close, and even on the picture you could see the bond between James and Sirius. If only there were more photos of them together, maybe she could see what her mother thought about. And she noticed something else when going through Sirius' file again. He didn't have a Black Mark. If he was such a devoted You-Know-Who follower, wouldn't he be blessed with his tattoo? The longer Tonks read the files, the more inconsistencies she found. And the whole story about betrayal of the Potters became so shaky.
Tonks took her little journal she used for making notes she mustn't forget, and things she found useful. For instance, last week Kingsley told her that he is going to the muggle world to guard the prime minister, and that he will be away for a while. He said that he will be back in the middle of June, so she couldn't talk to him. No matter, she wanted to know more, and she was determined to find out more.
It was quite late, and Tonks finalized last of her work for the day. She grabbed the last issue of the Daily Prophet and skimmed the pages. The last task of the Triwizard Tournament is soon, maybe she could go with Audrey and Mary. She heard them talking about going, and Tonks would really like to see her old mentor. She made a note in her little journal to ask Audrey and Mary about their plans. She liked Hogwarts, and the idea of going there for such an occasion. Why not?
What could go wrong, eh? We got only what happened to Harry that night, and a glimpse of Sirius. Next chapter will include all of the presented characters, and I expect to publish it by the end of the week.
Hope you like it, and don't forget to let me know what you think :)