10th of August 1995

It was the night of the full moon, and Remus was more tense than ever. It will be the first transformation since Gwen started to make him Wolfsbane, and the first one in a such small space surrounded by children. Of course, all of the children were strictly forbidden to even set a foot into the cellar, and Gwen took it to another level with drawing the age line. Remus never thought of that, and both he and Sirius stared at Gwen as she performed a spell. She just wanted to make Remus feel as comfortable as it was possible. He appreciated her efforts, but he was still worried, and flustered.

He descended into the cellar wearing an old robe Sirius gave him. Since he agreed to let Gwen watch his transformation, he was too uncomfortable to be naked in front of her, and a robe was good enough to cover everything he thought that needed to be covered. The last room at the end of damp, and smelly corridor was the one intended for Remus' transformations. The one with two steel cages. Old Walburga locked Sirius in a few times there, and Remus knew that, making that place even more disgusting. But it was proper. The wolf must remain in the cage. He left his wand, and spare clothes on the shelf just outside the room. He felt tense because of the people in the house, but he wasn't afraid he will do anything. His mind was not corrupted by the wolf, not even for a bit. Usually, he would feel off as the full moon was approaching, and Wolfsbane successfully prevented that.

The cellar was empty, and Remus wasn't sure what exactly Gwen had in mind. He felt uncomfortable in his body, though, and couldn't wait to transform to release that tension. In a matter of seconds, Gwen joined him, trailed by Sirius.

"I decided to spend the night here," Sirius said, not letting Remus say anything. Remus looked at him, and then switched to Gwen. He was hoping that she won't be there the whole night. They agreed – transformation, and then she's out.

"If you must…" Remus gritted through his teeth. He didn't mind Sirius, but he knew Sirius thought about this before tonight, and he should tell him things like that.

"How are you, Moony?" Gwen asked him cautiously.

"Feeling like I will explode, and not from happiness," he said, and entered the cage, unsure what he to do. Sirius joined him shortly after that. Remus, however, noticed the single hand movement Sirius did while he passed by Gwen, brushing her hand slightly. Gwen shut the cage's door, locking them with a Muggle padlock. She then waved her hand to add extra magical safety. Both of the men looked at her, and Remus was grateful for her being so understanding.

"Well, mine is easier, so…" Sirius turned into his dog form, and jumped a few times around Remus happily. Remus wasn't so thrilled, or excited. He just wanted this to be over.

"Are you still sure you want to look at this?" Remus asked Gwen shyly. He wasn't comfortable with this, but he couldn't refuse her because she helped him so much. The safety he felt because of the Wolfsbane was worth it. And she agreed to leave shortly after the transformation.

"Told you already. I'm just damn curious, and you're here, so…" she tried to smile at him, but she knew that what she will witness tonight is not easy, or anything like that. It's torture for Remus. Pure, painful torture.

Remus' eyes flinched even before he could force a smile out of himself. He twitched a bit, but he knew what's happening. He exactly knew what was happening. And this was the 380th time he faced his fears. The moon. The wolf. Himself.

"Welcome to the freak show," he muttered under his breath, as his pupils dilated and his irises changed colour into sky blue. Gwen stood back a couple of steps, and Remus did too. His body started to shake, and his limbs looked like leaves in the wind, easy, light. He clenched his fists, but didn't make a single sound. Remus fell to his knees, and Padfoot was circling around him. As Remus closed his eyes, he saw the sunflower field. He opened them only to see the stone floor, and Gwen standing there, with her hands on her mouth. Remus didn't make a sound, but the pain was visible by his moves. He twitched more and more, as his back began to hunch. The fabric of the old robe began to crack. Gwen saw Remus' face becoming hairier, and taking a shape of a wolf's head. He closed his eyes, and still saw the sunflower field, and Tonks running through it. This shouldn't happen. This meant he purposely saw her. It wasn't something the wolf did to his mind. It was something Remus did to his own mind. His light brown hair became fur. Grey fur, sprayed with the light brown. The opposite of what his hair was like. Remus' legs slowly grew into paws, and his body didn't look human anymore. His hands, touching the grounds were turning into a wolf's paws, and the cracking of the joints was the only sound in the cellar. Gwen stood breathless, and speechless, looking at small signs of Remus in the wolf he just became in front of her very own eyes. Padfoot stood right next to the wolf, nudging his head. But Remus' head, and thoughts were stuck in that field… Watching Tonks smiling warmly in a summer sunset. She was still there. His mind was right, and she was still there.

Remus stared at his front paws when he finally opened his eyes, head hanging low. It was the sight he hated to see, and be aware of it. He wasn't a man. A man he wanted to be at this point. But he lifted his head, much to Padfoot's delight. Gwen still stood frozen, but all the fear stopped when she realised that Remus was looking at her, piercing her with his wolf blue eyes. She took a step closer, still shocked and impressed with what she's just seen.

"Moony? Are you alright? Are you… You?" she asked, her voice shaking. Who knows if he'll understand her. But he did. The wolf nodded its head, and let out a howl. And with that howl, all the tension brought up in Remus Lupin disappeared. He hated to admit it, but that howl filled his soul in a way nothing else could. Or he thought so…

"Can I?" she stretched her arm. She wanted to feel the wolf's fur under her fingers. She saw it, heard it, smelled it, and she only just wanted to touch him. Remus stretched in his old new body, and walked closer to her, so she could touch him. She placed her hand on his neck, feeling the pulse. The pulse of the same heart that was beating in a man that lived with her in this house. And Remus was surprised with her reaction. She didn't flinch, she just let everything she just saw, and experienced soak in. She wasn't disgusted, or afraid.

"I will make you alright in the morning, don't worry. Now rest, okay?" she said, looking him straight into his eyes. Wolf nodded. He couldn't answer to her, but he understood every her word. And he knew she was right. Padfoot stood behind, looking at them wagging his tail. He was amused with Gwen's surprised, but not at all scared or frightened face. Of course, she knew Remus won't do anything to her, but still. Sirius walked to stand by Remus' side, in Gwen's reach to give him a pat on the head, too. And she did, before she turned, and left the room. She really did keep her promise. As soon as she sees what she wants to see, she's out.

11th of August 1995

Tonks was pacing nervously at her apartment. She was on the night guard for the prophecy, and the Order missions without Remus were just boring. She almost fell asleep one too many times, and she couldn't allow that to herself because the prophecy must be protected. Sleepy Auror is not much of a protection. She woke up after only a few hours of sleep, like she was worried about something. Gwen asked her not to come in the morning because of Remus, but they agreed on Tonks visiting before her night shift at the Ministry. Kingsley was, once again, the one who made her life easier. He signed her up for night raids, and the one tonight was with him. Some poor bloke in Bristol thought he could smuggle a bunch of tampered goblets without getting caught. Kingsley was on this case because the Ministry thought that the smuggler is connected with Sirius.

She was still in her pyjamas, as she was while she made an entire tray of cornish pasties. Tonks was dead awful at everyday cooking. Not like she didn't know how to cook, more like she always found a way to mess up whatever she did. Or the kitchen. And her kitchen was a real mess now, but Tonks was an expert in comfort foods. So she made Cornish pasties with extra cheese, and the cream pudding was boiling on the stove. She will bring that to Remus. She saw him after the full moon, and that man needed some comfort. She decided she will come even earlier than expected to Grimmauld Place. If Remus is not awake, she will share some coffee with Gwen, and possibly Ginny, Hermione and Molly. And Hestia was on the prophecy guard, so maybe she'll be there too. Real women gathering.

She took a quick shower, and morphed her hair into medium length, baby blue locks. She picked her not-so-favourite casual outfit – regular jeans, and pretty regular shirt. After all, she must control herself because of the raid. Kingsley would curse her into oblivion if she came there dressed improperly. The food she made was in enchanted plastic boxes, packed for the go. The enchantments were supposed to make them best possible – pasties just hot as they needed to be, a cream chocolate pudding cold as just taken from the fridge, and a warm green tea, Remus' favourite, sealed in a Muggle thermos. The very same one she would bring with her on their missions. She packed the things in her rucksack, put on her boots, and she was ready to go.

Tonks entered the Grimmauld Place cautiously. She heard all of the children's voices from the sitting room, which was closed. Tonks decided not to bother them. She was here with a goal: bring Remus some comfort food. She went straight to the staircase, thinking about maybe finding Gwen, or Sirius. However, that was quite impossible because Gwen was in her potions room, and Sirius was with her. She climbed, as silent as she could be, up the stairs to the third floor. In seconds, she stood at Remus' door, a bit nervous. What if he doesn't want to see her? She took a deep breath, and knocked four times.

"Come in," Remus voice was huskier than usual, but she was relieved to hear him. He was there, and well. She opened the door slowly, and smiled brightly.

"Wotcher, Remus," she closed the door upon entering. Remus was sitting in his bed, covered with sheets, reading a book. He had a plain white T-shirt on, and a pair of training trousers. He looked so comfy, yet better than the day before when she saw him. He didn't look tired at all, and his skin was less pale than before.

"Tonks," he put the book on the nighstand. "I wasn't really expecting to see you today." He straightened himself, his bottom part of the body still covered by sheets.

"Well, I came earlier than announced. Gwen forbid me to check out here after the guard because of…" she figured she began rambling before even asking him the most important question. "Forget that, how are you feeling?"

"I'm surprisingly fine. Gwen made her miracles again. I still feel tired, though, but I was just thinking about going downstairs to eat something. Join me?" he asked her, uncovering himself, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"No, no, no, stay in bed," Tonks jumped, and pushed him back in his previous position. "I brought you something!"

She put down her rucksack on his bed, and Remus was now looking at her amused, surprised, and glad. Her presence made him feel so warm. And he was happy to really see her, not only as a figment of his imagination. She pulled out the boxes.

"First, some Cornish pasties with extra cheese," Tonks handed him the plastic box filled with delicious pasties. He opened it at once, and took a deep breath.

"This smells delicious, I must admit," he said, amused. His senses were still quite high. "Didn't know you can cook. Pardon me, but by your attitude around kitchen work, I thought you must be awful at it."

"Well, you're not wrong. I'm terrible, and I mean really terrible with regular meals. But this is comfort food. And comfort food is something you must know if in Hufflepuff. So, eat! It'll make you feel better, come on." She was eager to see if he'll like her cooking.

"Join me?" he smiled. "And thank you. This is… Brilliant."

Tonks hopped happily on his bed, and they shared a bunch of Cornish pasties. Those were great, and both of them enjoyed them. Remus was surprised, and once again impressed with Tonks' abilities. If all of her comfort food is this delicious, she really is a master chef. They talked about how both of them nicked the food from the kitchen at Hogwarts, even though elves would give them whatever they wanted. But it was more fun that way. The green tea soothed Remus even more, and he was now pretty full. But of course, Tonks had more surprises.

"And for the dessert…" she pulled out another plastic box from the bag. "Creamy chocolate pudding, a dream for a chocoholic!"

"I won't admit I'm a chocoholic, but I won't refuse this either," he took the box from her hands, and opened it. Tonks summoned two spoons that came darting from the kitchen. When Remus tried the creamy pudding, he was even more delighted. It tasted like heaven. He watched at Tonks taking a spoonful, leaving a bit of the pudding on her lips. And Remus instantly though how sweet the pudding must be from her lips. However, he felt ashamed of his thoughts, so he lowered his look. He shouldn't think in that way about her. But she figured that something is going on, not sure what.

They talked some more, sharing a box of pudding, laughing, and joking. Remus never felt so relaxed after the full moon. Even with his friends at Hogwarts, he was sore, moody, tired, and passive the day after the full moon. He wasn't sure was it the potion, or just the presence of one colourful young witch, which sat on his bed in front of him. Which brought him the most delicious comfort food he ever had. Which talked, and joked with him, understanding he doesn't really want to talk about the horror he lived through at night. Tonks respected Remus' privacy about his lycanthropy, even though she had a hundred and one question about it. But she didn't want to pry, so she didn't even know how or when he got inflicted, just that he was bitten. She felt so warm, and familiar. Just like in his pre-transformation vision. She felt like the best soothing treatment there is, better than any potion or food. And he let himself absorb every her word, movement, flinch or smile.

9th of September 1995

It was the night of the next full moon, and Remus felt more relaxed because the house wasn't filled with children anymore. Sirius was sad because they were gone, and spent three whole days after their departure in Buckbeak's room. The only person who he let in was Gwen, and only for food. Remus knew that when Sirius is in that shape, he should be left alone. He told that to Gwen, who respected it, and appreciated Remus' pointing it out. And he got a letter from Harry, just the other day, feeling worried about his scar. Remus, Gwen and Tonks hoped that Sirius' talk with Harry would at least relax him one bit. But nothing, he was still hiding in Buckbeak's room.

However, Sirius was standing right next to Remus in that cellar, when the time came for his transformation. Sirius was afraid for Remus, and he liked being with him better than being upstairs, waiting for him to come back. And he needed to think less, so spending the night as Padfoot was just something that might help. He revealed his plans to Gwen and Remus at the dinner, and Gwen sent Hedwig to Tonks, asking her to come by. Tonks agreed, and got to the house after Remus and Sirius locked themselves in the cellar.

Tonks and Gwen went to the library with a bottle of fine wine Gwen nicked from the cellar. Well, it wasn't really nicking since Sirius told her to use, and get whatever she likes or wants. Gwen made them some meat pie, and now they were lounged on a library sofa, with Remus' record player playing in the background. Tonks brought one of her records, newer music, grunge. Gwen liked it, so they let it play silently. They already finished two bottles of wine, when Gwen opened the third one. Tonks had the day off tomorrow, so she decided she can get drunk with Gwen, who obviously needed some relaxing. Gwen never mentioned it, but staying in that house really was maddening, and after she promised Snape she won't leave it, she had no choice.

"So, how do you like living here with those two? I somehow see them as really high maintenance," Tonks said, while Gwen braided her pink hair, which was now longer than she's ever seen.

"Well, Remus is not. He is so humble, and does everything by himself. He understands privacy. Sirius not so much, just the other day he walked into the bathroom while I was showering…"

"He did what?" Tonks flinched, but Gwen set her head steady right away.

"Yes, I threw him out, naturally, but he is sometimes so strange," Gwen smiled unknowingly when she said that. Tonks didn't see it, but she heard it in her voice.

"What do you mean?" Tonks asked curiously.

"Well… You know when someone is here, and in one moment you feel like he's 100 percent here, and in another moment he is elsewhere?"

Tonks nodded, even though she didn't really understood Gwen's words. She figured it's something similar to Remus' secretive behaviour. Sometimes he would just get so closed up, and in the other moment he would reveal some secrets to her. From extreme to extreme in a second. She didn't realise Sirius had the same behaviour.

"Well, that's something he does all the time… For instance, he got that Harry's letter, and he doesn't want to talk about it. And I'm sure he would feel better if he talked. It doesn't have to be with me,. To be honest, I expected him to talk with Moony."

Tonks braid was finished, and it resembled the thick braid Gwen loved to wear. She turned to face Gwen, who was now taking a sip of fabulously fine wine in some really expensive Black crested glass.

"Well, you know… I've seen a lot of things during my Auror training, and people after Azkaban… They just aren't the same. I get why, imagine being surrounded by the Dementors all the time," Tonks flinched, and took her glass.

"No, no, I completely understand that.. It's just…"

"Listen to me now… According to what I've heard from Remus, Sirius is still uncomfortable around people. Remus noticed that, and I get he's right. He knew him before, after all. You saw Sirius when Harry was here. I guess that's the happiest we'll see him around here…" Tonks said, sounding a bit sad at the end of her sentence.

"I understand all of that, believe me… I'm master in closing up, can't deny it. But he… I don't know, I just think he shouldn't keep his feelings bottled up anymore, you know? It's perfectly normal to feel concerned, given what's happening," Gwen said, and her voice shook for a bit. She just wanted to help Sirius, who obviously wasn't feeling well.

"What did Harry say in his letter?" Tonks asked, trying to think of a plan.

"I don't know, Sirius hasn't told me," Gwen said, and noticed Tonks eyes firing up. "And we're not breaking into his room now to get that letter. No, Tonks, that's not alright. If he wanted us to know, he would tell us…"

Tonks rolled her eyes, but understood Gwen's thoughts.

"Fine… Then I guess we wait until Sirius decides to tell you, or Remus," Tonks smiled devilishly. She knew that Remus will tell her what happened. Not because he couldn't keep a secret, but because they grew to share news, and things that happened around them.

"I guess… Have you asked Kingsley about Hestia? I'm sure there is something going on between them!" Gwen said, and poured them another glass of wine which was as red as her hair.

"No, I haven't had a chance, but I will! Definitely! I… WE must know that! If they are together, or something…" Tonks burst laughing. "That would mean that the Order of the Pheonix is a good place to find a boyfriend."

"You like Kingsley? Like in an I-want-to-shag-his-brains-off way?" Gwen asked surprised, as they cheered, and drank some more.

"No… Merlin's pants, no! He is repulsive to me in that kind of way. But he is a great bloke… And a really good colleague! But definitely not my type," Tonks said, thinking about who actually is her type. And surprisingly, an idea she never thought of, passed her mind. The werewolf in the basement would too be a great boyfriend. And he was… attractive.

"And what is your type? Or better said, who?" Gwen now grinned devilishly.

"I don't know… I guess I don't have a type like in looks," Tonks said. "Let me explain… Charlie for instance, is a really handsome bloke, according to some standards. But I don't find him appealing. He is a great friend, and we have so much in common, but I don't see myself… Doing some cute couple things with him, you know?"

Gwen nodded. Both of them were quite drunk by now, so they understood the words that were spoken, but their expression was lacking at best.

"Although, he was my first… you know," Tonks murmured, and took another sip.

"Oh? I don't get it…"

"You know… We were each other's first," Tonks wanted to avoid saying it out loud, but Gwen's confused face made her give up. "We shagged. Once."

"Oh… Oh! But I don't get it… You don't find him appealing, and you don't fancy him in that way, but you shagged him?" Gwen now asked straight forward. They went deep in women's topics, so there is no backing out now.

"We agreed on doing it… You see, it was in our last year at Hogwarts. Both of us haven't, and I couldn't find someone who wanted me, and not something I could morph out. Charlie wasn't ever really into dating, but he wanted to know what all the fuss is about. So we agreed on doing… that. It was kind of awkward kissing him, though," Tonks's face now had a weird grimace, but Gwen was listening to her carefully. "But we did it, and I'm glad it was him. I trust him, and he is a friend. So it was a mutual help. However, I couldn't… you know…"

"Come?" Gwen lifted her eyebrow, and smiled devilishly.

"Yes… And I guess it would be like that if I shagged Kingsley, too," Tonks said, and flinched a bit because she never, ever thought about Kingsley in that way.

"Right, I understand. Well, have you found someone after that? Your type?" Gwen asked.

"No, not really… I mean, I was in two serious-like relationships after that, but I wasn't feeling it, you know? Something was missing. Can't really describe it. The shagging part was great, the connection was made, but it wasn't… I don't know.

"I know," Gwen sighed. "Had one just like that. Everything was tense, and filled with… You know, sparks, magic and stuff. But when I kissed him… I felt something, but I knew he will never kiss me, with the same feeling I could develop for him. So I broke it off."

"Oh…" Tonks wanted to know more, but was too shy to ask. Gwen, however, didn't want to talk about that man in her life. "Was that the Muggle you were with?"

"No, no… It wasn't. And the Muggle's name was Felix, for real," Gwen smiled. "We met in Paris. You know, he sang me Elvis' songs under the window once. Have I told you that before?"

Tonks shook her head, and they poured another glass, even though it wasn't really necessary.

"Yes. It was when I first left him. I did that thrice, you know… First time it was because I was afraid he'll figure it out, and ran away. And I was right because eventually he did that. But you know, I was young… foolishly thinking the love can conquer everything. Second time was when he proposed to me for the first time…"

Tonks spit some of her wine when she heard the word propose. Gwen laughed at the sight of that, but she waved her hand to clean up the mess right away.

"I'm sorry, but what? You were engaged?" she asked confused.

"Yes. I left him, but he followed me… So I said yes. A month before our wedding, I decided to tell him. And well… When I showed him basic stuff I can do, he went green. We were together for a day after that. I couldn't stand him looking at me like I'm some kind of freak. He didn't look at me like before ever again… So I left him for the last time, and obliviated him. I still have the ring he got me…" Gwen said with sadness in her voice, and Tonks didn't know what to do so she hugged Gwen hard.

"That Felix is a prick! He could have magical children with a great magical woman. What does he know?" Tonks said while hugging Gwen.

"It's not his fault. I guess the love is not enough… Not always, anyway. I must say, it broke my heart. But you know, maybe I'm not destined to have a love like that in my life," Gwen said sounding like she will cry.

"Oh, stop it! You're pretty, nice, smart, a bit frightening, but in a good way, and the way you walk is hypnotizing even for me! I bet all the eligible bachelor wizards would date you in a second," Tonks wanted to cheer Gwen up. "And if anyone breaks your heart again, I'll hex his balls off, and pack him in his own ball sack!"

Gwen burst into laughter at Tonks words, and they shared a laugh.

"I would love to see that, I must admit," Gwen laughed. "And thank you! The same goes to you. I get it's harder for you to build a relationship, but you know, even without morphing you're quite interesting. You're a brilliant young witch, looking all lovely but I guess it's better not to piss you off."

"You bet it is!" Tonks said, cheering and finishing her glass. "But I think even I can get unnoticed."

"By who, please? Everyone with a healthy set of eyes would notice you! You have that unique appearance, and exuberant energy. Even Moony smiles all the time when you're around, and he is not smiling so often, you know?"

Tonks felt warm hearing those words, but didn't show it. She was sure that she doesn't have a romantic feelings for Remus. Those were friendly feelings. 100 percent friendly.

"You never told me what Felix looked like!"

"Oh… he had long black hair, and a pair of piercing dark eyes. A bit taller, quite muscular. I guess that's my type since not one of my boyfriends were fair haired," she shrugged, and Tonks' drunk mind had the craziest thought. But that thought was flushed by Gwen's drunk giggling.

They talked a lot that night. It was their first drunk talk, and they bonded over their bad luck with relationships. They finished two more bottles of wine when they finally gave up. But both of them fell asleep in the library, curled into fuzzy blankets which Tonks transfigured from old ones. Both of them looked so peaceful, and only empty bottles, glasses, and plates revealed they had quite the night.

10th of September 1995

Around 6 o'clock in the morning, Remus opened his eyes slowly. He felt different, and he instantly looked at his hands. Human. Thank God. He saw Sirius sleeping with his back pressed to hard, cold stone floor. Remus stood up, naked now, and stretched. He wasn't ashamed of being naked in front of Sirius since this wasn't the first time to be in this exact situation. He stretched his arm to grab clothes he prepared for the morning. He needed a shower so bad, but the dark blue robes will provide him the protection he needed. When he dressed himself, he nudged Sirius. Sirius ignored, so Remus pulled his tail. The dog squealed, and woke up. In a second he wasn't a dog, as Sirius now stood in front of Remus.

"Moony… Are you alright? I hope those potions are working," he said, placing a hand on his friend's shoulder.

"I'm fine, I'm fine. I just need a shower," Remus sighed, but sat again on the floor, with his back pressed against the stone wall.

"You don't look like everything is alright. So, spill it, what happened?" Sirius placed himself next to Remus. They were still locked. The two of them locked in a cage. Ironic.

"Hmm…" Remus muttered, not quite sure how to talk about this. He wanted to tell Sirius what he saw before his transformation.

"Come on, Moony… Talk to me," Sirius tried to cheer Remus up. When there were at Hogwarts, Remus would mostly talk to James about those kind of things. The main reason was that James wouldn't tease him as much as Sirius, and Sirius would mostly embarrass him. But that was twenty years ago. And James is not here. No one is, except Sirius. He sighed loudly, and crouched his legs, pulling them to his chest.

"You know how I told you that sometimes before the… transformation, some images keep flashing my mind?" he asked cautiously, waiting for Sirius' reaction.

"Yes. You said that the picture changes… You can't control it, right?" Sirius asked, confused. "Why are you asking me this?"

"Well… For the last two, three transformations… I had the same image in here," Remus said, tapping his temple with a pointing finger, staring at the bars in front of him.

"What did you see? I don't get it the last two were… It's not wolfsbane… No, I don't get it," Sirius couldn't say anything. When his mind went like that, he couldn't make even the simplest sentence.

"I don't know. I can't control it without Wolfsbane. But with it… It's like I want to see what I'm seeing, and that doesn't make sense," Remus gasped, lowering his head.

"You're not telling me this right, Moony, what are you seeing?" Sirius asked once again, and Remus murmured something. Sirius couldn't possibly understand him. "What?"

"Tonks," Remus said so silently that it was almost non even hearable.

"Excuse me?" Sirius heard him, but he needed to hear it again to understand it completely.

"Sunflowers. You know? Wild ones. Field of it. Sunset. Summer. And… Tonks." Remus' head sunk lower than before, and he didn't see Sirius' eyes widening.

"Tonks? Really?"

"Yes. She's just… There, running, being herself. Nothing special, or I don't know…"

"So you… fancy Tonks?" Sirius asked straight forward. It was pretty a yes-no question with no much space for diversion.

"Well, of course. She is funny, brilliant, creative, determined… And she can really pick a right chocolate," Remus raised his head, and his lips curled into a smile while he talked about Tonks. Sirius saw that, but he knew if he goes further it might be wrong. On the other hand, he couldn't help himself.

"So you fancy Tonks?" he repeated the question, expecting a more detailed answer now. Yes answer.

"Well I do," Remus said, but only then understood he fell into Sirius' stupid trap. "Not like that, Padfoot, you know…"

"No, I don't know," Sirius interrupted him. "Lie to yourself if you must, but I've never seen you smile like that when talking about someone."

"I wasn't smiling," Remus felt like his cheeks will turn pink. If that happens, Sirius will never, ever leave him alone.

"And you're not blushing now," Sirius noticed, and took the chance that was given to him.

"I'm… I don't know, alright? It's strange. She is so different, and yet I like time spent with her. She is a great storyteller, and she is very interesting. And very observant…"

"Alright, so, you like being with her, and you talk about her like James talked about Lily, but you don't fancy her in that way?" Sirius mocked him now a bit, but he knew Remus needed some push when it came to women. "You'll see it soon…"

"How did you know? About Marlene… You know, when you came to me that night, and told me there is no grey with her. All or nothing," Remus said under his breath. Sirius words were his thoughts, to be honest. It was something that crossed his mind. He shoudn't be thinking about Tonks' lips, or hugs just casually like that. Was he really lying to himself?

"Marlene? Oh… That lasted for so long, you know. I knew I didn't want casual with her from a moment I wanted to be with her every day. I just didn't want to be without her, I guess…" Sirius sighed on a memory of his once great love. When Marlene died, he was devastated, but by then they broke up, and his feelings cool off. If it wasn't for the war, however, he would definitely propose, and luckily marry Marlene McKinnon one day. After at least five more years of pure fun.

"Oh… I've never…" Remus sighed, and refused to finish the sentence. He never felt that for anyone. Every crush he ever had was different. He knew that at some point he would want his potential girlfriend to leave him alone, and not to come any closer to him. And none of his fling knew about his lycanthropy. He could control himself quite fine, and he knew that he can't do anything sexual in a week of a full moon. His senses were wild then, and he was afraid he would lose control. Not that he was ever on a verge of it, or that he was ever in a situation where he felt endangered in that sense. The self-control he had was on an impressing level, always. And for the first time he felt like he was losing control.

"Never? Really?" Sirius asked. He always thought that Remus would find himself a nice woman who would love him and accept him. Sirius hoped that would happen because he knew how poorly his friend thought about himself. Remus shook his head, confirming his words. "Wow… your self-control…"

"It's not like I can control that, Padfoot, I just never felt it," Remus said, his head dropping again.

"And yet, you see Tonks in moments where you most likely want to be alone," Sirius said, grinning now. Gwen was right, he didn't even need Remus to admit it. It was a fact.

"I don't know why that's happening… Let me explain this, please. You see, I like spending time with her, and I won't deny that. I like talking to her, and I even sometimes feel like I could tell her everything. The whole story. And I never felt the urge to do that. Never have I wanted to tell someone, anyone… Everything. But she's different. She talks to me like I'm the same, like I'm normal," he felt Sirius' look, but he didn't care at this point about that. "She talks to me like there is nothing wrong with me when we both know that there is a lot of things wrong with me.

"I can't agree with you on that because the only thing wrong with you is your attitude. And you know, maybe she likes… Spending time with you, too," Sirius said flatly, but grinning like crazy. He knew if he said she fancies him too, Remus will cave, and the conversation will be over.

"I can't deny that either, since she does those little things that… I don't know," Remus sighed loudly.

"Moony… In my honest opinion, without any mischief or mockery, I think you do like her in a way you don't like to like anyone. But I don't see a problem with that, because she knows…"

"She doesn't," Remus interrupted him. "She knows what I am, but not what I'm capable of."

"Then tell her, eh? I think she would be eager to know everything about you," Sirius wasn't even trying to hide his grin now. He was obvious, and Remus accepted that.

"I don't know… I want to, but I feel like she will run away screaming," Remus said shyly, and sadly. Sirius spat laughing.

"Are you joking? She's a bloody Auror, trained by Moody. If she's not scared of angry Moody, then she is fearless, and as you said brilliant," Sirius stated, beating Remus with his own words. "And I guess she would be really interested in hearing something else than your shallow stories."

"What do you mean shallow stories?" Remus asked, confused now.

"Well, you have a tendency to tell a lot, but not really say anything. You can tell her all about the mischief we did, but you won't tell her how we treated you after the full moon. And that's just the first example out of many," Sirius was proud because he was beating this conversation magnificently. He always loved to win over Remus in an argument. And that happened rarely.

"At least something I could tell her is funny, and that's that," Remus said defensively. He was right though, the happiest of his times were exactly his times spent with the Marauders.

"Yes, but not all stories need to be funny, Moony. And I'm sure she would like to know more about the real you, not just funny you," Sirius now looked at his friend under his brows. He was right with every word.

"I don't know…" Remus sighed.

"Think about it, and you'll see I'm 100 percent right," Sirius said victoriously.

Remus remained silent. He wasn't sure what to say anymore. He was uncomfortable enough, and Sirius would like always try to reassure him. And now he did a good job, actually. Because Remus suddenly felt the urge to talk to Tonks. To tell her everything. Just like he broke in front of Lily. He would tell her about the night when the horror started. The night Greyback scarred him for life, and took the life he was supposed to have out of his hands. He wanted to tell her how he never thought he'll attend the magical school like his father, and how his mother slowly began to deteriorate because her perfectly healthy baby boy was now a werewolf. Or how his father grew cold with the resentment he had for himself, and regret he felt because he offended Greyback. He wanted to tell Tonks about the night Dumbledore visited his house, announcing he could attend Hogwarts. How he was placed in Gryffindor, and how the boys figured what was going on. How they didn't care, and how that was the first time he got real friends. How Lily found out, and how he had a whole group of people knowing, trying to help him in every way possible. And how all of those friends were dead for him for years, before he found out that Sirius is innocent. How he grew bitter, and hateful for himself mainly because he couldn't do anything to save James, Lily, Dorcas, Marlene… Even Sirius and Peter. How his friend circle was a really small one now, containing only Sirius, her, and well, Gwen he guessed.

"What's on your mind, Moony?" Sirius broke the silence. It wasn't an awkward one for both of them, because they knew what just happened. That Remus was contemplating Sirius' words, soaking them in.

"Ah… Too many things, now, to be honest," Remus sighed. "But I have a question for you."

"Shoot," Sirius said quickly.

"I saw the hand touch between you and Gwen. And that room… You care for her. That's obvious, and don't insult my intelligence with lying about it, so right?"

"I do, I don't have a problem admitting it," Sirius said at once, but figured they have a different meaning of those words. "But in a friendly way, you know?"

Remus scoffed, but accepted the answer without a fight.

"She's understands some things differently than others," Sirius said, his voice cracking a bit. "She had a really rough time, and I know she told you parts of it. I guess that's why she understands me better than, well you… Don't get offended now."

"I won't, but I don't get what you think," Remus frowned.

"You know how you used to criticise my ideas back at Hogwarts? You would always try to find flaws in my plans first, and then maybe allow it. On the other hand, James would always firstly say yes, and then thought about the details," Sirius sighed loudly at the mention of James. That wound will forever hurt him. The sound of James' name opened the wound apart every time. Remus learned how to live with facts, but Sirius was locked for way too long. He had twelve years to thing about everything, making his wound so deep, that sometimes it choked him to think about it.

"Yes, but I don't get that Gwen would be up to your plans, either," Remus said, frowning some more. He believed his words, and was right.

"She definitely wouldn't, but… Instead of thinking about the flaws like you, she would find my reasoning, and think about the compromise. A compromise that would, given the experience I had with her, be the best possible solution. And that's something I can't… I don't know. I appreciate her, and I respect her so much because of that," Sirius looked at the tips of his stretched legs.

"I see…" Remus said, he understood Sirius thoughts, but wasn't really sure what that meant. "What's up with her and Snape? I figured she doesn't want to talk about it, but maybe she…"

"She didn't, and I don't know. They seem, quite close right?" Sirius finished Remus' thoughts, and Remus shrugged, not sure what to think about that subject. Tonks mentioned that Gwen and Snape are close, and they joked about the possibility of Gwen and Snape having history. But on the other hand, they did have some strange vibe.

"The letter… Harry's. His scar hurts, and that Umbridge gal is giving him nightmares," Sirius changed the subject. He didn't want to think about the possibility of Gwen and Snape in any different relationship than they had now. And even that was hard to describe. Just the fact of Snape being around more turned his face into a grimace.

"Don't mention that woman's name in front of me. Frigid old bitch. She and her werewolf legislation. Tonks said she is a nasty piece of scum, too," Remus with obvious disgust in his voice. When he took the post in Harry's third year, he saw how hot-headed Harry can be, so he was afraid Harry will get into some unnecessary arguments with a new professor. "I hope Harry would find a way to reason with her. Or at least to hold his temper."

"Hardly doubt that, she gave him detention on a first class she held," Sirius said, and laughed under his breath. He was kind of proud of Harry.

"This shouldn't be amusing you, Sirius," Remus said reprovingly. "He should not get in any conflicts with her. There is a lot going on without him making the Ministry mad, you know? They are already bashing him…"

"I know, I know. I wanted to go to Hogsmeade, you know? To talk to Harry face to face…"

"You're mad, Padfoot. That's the same as walking into a Ministry. Your cover's been blown on the station, and you and I both know it," Remus said hardly, and Sirius smiled.

"Exactly what I mentioned earlier, you're always trying to see the flaws. And Harry said no, so… I guess there's no point in going there if he doesn't want to see me," Sirius sighed loudly.

"That's not true, and you know it. He's just worried. I heard him talking to Gwen in the library just the other day. She told him about her little trip, and Harry looked so relieved when he heard you stayed here. He's anxious, and afraid he'll lose you. And he doesn't deserve to lose someone again, Padfoot," Remus now looked at Sirius with his best professor face he had.

"I told him some things I think I regret now," Sirius said softly, thinking about his comment about Harry being less like James than he thought he is.

"And I'm sure Harry will get over it. But you must think about the safety of both of you, right?"

"I know, but I want to talk to him face to face. This way… I don't know, I don't like him being there with that awful hag. I would prefer if you were still teaching."

"But I'm not, and we must remain cold-headed, right?" Remus said matter-of-factly, and Sirius couldn't argue with that.

"I suppose," he sighed in defeat. "But I still think…"

"I know, but you back in Azkaban is not an option," Remus said, stood up at once, and offered a hand to his friend. He was surprised by how well his body felt. Gwen gave him some other potions to prepare for the full moon, and he took them along with the Wolfsbane. He felt… Normal. Sirius took his hand, and they left the cage finally.

"I can't believe how well you look… You've never looked like that, Moony," Sirius said genuinely surprised when he saw Remus under the soft morning light that peeked through old windows. Since the Weasleys left the house, and the cleaning was done, the house looked more homey than before. It wasn't a delight to be there, but it was definitely better than before.

"I don't know how I look, but I feel great," Remus said, surprised with the speed he had on the stairs. His joints hurt only for one or two times, nothing serious. And he felt less tired, even though he wanted to sleep some more in his bed. "Well, not great, but quite good."

"I'm glad to hear that, but I need more sleep," Sirius yawned. "All this talking made me sleepy."

They were now on the third floor, when Remus figured the library door being closed.

"I don't remember closing that door, and Gwen always leaves them open," he said suspiciously, and headed towards the door, with Sirius following.

When he opened the door, the scene in front of them made them both speechless. Empty bottles of wine were laying on the table, a few of the records were there too, along with the dirty dishes. Curled up on a couch were both Tonks and Gwen, each of them on a different end of the couch, covered in fuzzy blankets. Sirius and Remus shared a look, and started laughing quietly. Remus closed the door, so they wouldn't wake them up.

"I can't believe what I've just seen," Sirius said through his laughter. "They got drunk as fuck while we were sleeping downstairs. I must admit, that's something."

"We should wake them, they will be so stiff if they sleep like that. And Tonks has her day off anyway," he said when he finally could control his laughter.

"Hm, I don't want to wake them up. Think I could get Gwen upstairs with some levitating charm?" Sirius asked, making a wondering face.

"Yes, if you want to give her a concussion because you will definitely hit her head on the door frames. You always did that to… Peter."

"Well, fuck Peter Pettigrew! But I guess you're right. Man power then," Sirius said, and entered the room, gently taking Gwen in his arms. They didn't even discuss who should carry who, Sirius went to Gwen by instinct.

"I swear, I could put her in my room, just to make her frightened," Sirius whispered mischievously, grinned at Remus, who was still standing confused in the centre of the room, and left. He brought Gwen to her bed, and tuck her in. She looked so peaceful, even though she was now the one with liquor on her breath. The thought about sleeping next to her in his dog form again crossed his mind, but he moved a strain of her hair from her face, looked at her again, and left the room.

Remus still stood confused, but decided he should do something. He slowly, and silently got closer to the couch. Tonks had her mouth a bit open, and she breathed soundly, which made Remus smile. He took her into his arms, as gently as he could manage to do that. That was the first time he felt her closeness in that way. He walked slowly, almost on his tiptoes, struggling not to wake her up. She was so tired, and she looked so calm sleeping. She deserved a nice rest. He opened the door of her room with magic, not uttering a single word, with only slight hand movement. Tonks wiggled, getting her body even closer to him, curling in his arms. Remus stood frozen at her movement, and even stopped breathing.

"Is this a dream?" Tonks sleepy voice said, but she sounded like she was still asleep.

"No, but don't wake up, sleep now," he said softly, and his voice was as hoarse as ever, sounding so gentle, but manly.

"Pity. Because you really are dreamy, Remus," she muttered, and looked so peaceful again. Her body was limp, but it was curled up next to his chest.

Remus heart skipped a beat. This must've been some dream talking, or not real in general. Why would anyone think about him in that way anyway? And he was right, Tonks was still half-asleep. But the words she said weren't something she hasn't thought of before. Remus placed her in her bed gently, trying to make the less movement possible. The second the warmth of her body was removed from his, he felt disappointed. He felt like he could carry her anywhere. He tucked Tonks in, and left the room at once. In the second he laid in his bed, he decided. He will tell her everything. He is not dreamy, but she surely is. Dreamy.

I got many messages about how you liked Gwen and Tonks bonding, so here it is :) Gwen would never say some of those things if not drunk! And Tonks really deserved to have a friend by her side, so here it is!

And we did some time jumping here!

In the next chapter...

How will Remus handle the talk with Tonks?

How will Tonks handle what she will hear?

Was Tonks aware of her words while Remus carried her?

And now really, what is up with Gwen and Snape?

New chapter is coming soon, so stay tuned! And don't forget to let me know what you think :3

xx