I sit down next to her and I try hard to suppress my feelings, I do not even know how I am being able to keep a straight face, sitting next to her. My heart is racing, Purvi is going to open up about herself, I do not know why, but it is something that I silently always hoped for, to know her better, intimately.
"Rajat, I was 21 years old. Both of us had been to the same school, to the same college. Even when I was pursuing dentistry, I always scheduled my hours so that our classes could end together. You know, it is only when I separated from him that I realized that it was never love, it was a compromise, that I termed as love.
I realized that it was only me who was making all the efforts. I thought we were meeting because we wanted to, but rather we were, because I was always planning to. I was always there for him, to look after him when he was sick, to pay his fees, to cook for him or to buy him food when he had no money. But, he never cared.
I brought the topic of engagement and marriage several times before him. He never took much interest and always rebuked the topic. When both of us graduated, I thought now could be the time that we get engaged, we could focus on our careers as a couple and then decide to get married at a later time. Our families were involved, our friends and acquaintances thought we were the perfect couple.
He never actually proposed. He never bothered to. He was absent when I bought our rings and made all the preparations. Some days before the engagement I abruptly went to his place to meet him. I found him packing his bags:
"Akshat, where are you going?"
"Mumbai. I have a flight in 2 days."
"But we're getting engaged in 3 days. You want me to prepone the engagement?"
"Why the hell do you need to prepone it? I don't have time to get engaged. I have a new job in Mumbai and I don't think I will be coming back again."
"Congratulations on the job Akshat, but I already made all the preparations for the engagement. Our parents are involved, the relatives. Maybe I could come with you too then..."
"To hell with our parents, our relatives! Get out now, I am very busy. I have a lot of paperwork to do."
"Akshat. Do you realize what you are saying? We spend all of our time together. I thought we were meant to have a life together. How can you turn back on now!"
"Oh really, did you even ask me if I even loved you? I never did. I was with you just for fun. A pastime. Get out of here now. I told you I am busy."
"Akshat. You cannot do this to me, to us. Think about me. I will break."
"That is your problem."
"He grabbed my hair with his one hand, and with the other, he clenched my jaws, and then he slapped me. Thrice. He kept staring at me with bloodshot eyes and later threw me on the floor. I still have a bruise on my chest when I hit the bed. It was not the first time that he had slapped me.
I returned home that day. I said nothing to anyone. I stayed in my room, alone in the dark. I was not in a state to talk to anyone or to even shed tears.
The next day, I received a call. It was him. He said he was sorry, that he shouldn't have done that. He told me to come to his place, so that he could rethink his decision. I was so stupid Rajat. I always fell for his words. That day I told Amma and Appa that I am going to convince him for the engagement.
When I reached there, he locked the door and took my face in his hands to examine how he has hurt me:
"I am so sorry Purvi. You don't try to understand me. I get so stressed out sometimes. It is not that I do not like you, but..."
"But what Akshat? You know I love you. I'll do my best to understand. Tell me."
"I cannot love you, because you do not let me love you... You do not let me touch you... You do not let me make love to you. It makes me feel like you don't trust or love me enough."
"His words pierced my soul. My blood froze. Rajat. I knew what he meant. I knew what he wanted to do. I knew the consequences would not be right, but my thoughts were clouded."
I watch the tears stream down Purvi's face. I want to tell her to stop, but I want her to talk about it as well, to open up, so that she is relieved. I harden my heart, I grab the bars in front of me and listen to her.
"I sat on the bed. He started running his hands on my body, with an evil grin on his face that I still remember vividly. He was like an animal. When I sleep at night, I still feel his fingers lingering on my bare skin, I feel how his nails have scratched my skin, pierced my chest and how his hands have strangled my neck. I laid like a corpse on the bed as he emptied me Rajat, as he killed me."
I close my eyes and tighten my grasp on the bars. I fear if I open my eyes, she'll have to see me cry.
"At that moment, all I was thinking was how do I stop him from leaving, how do I stop him from breaking the engagement, how do I stop him from causing embarrassment to our parents. And that was the only way that I could think of, to yield to him. I thought he might stay. I thought he would understand what he snatched from me. But he used me, again, and I let him use me.
The next day, he was gone. Gone forever. Without informing anyone.
Amma talked to me, reassuring me that whatever happened was for the best. I never deserved him. He was a bastard. He was never a good person. She said that the worst has been avoided. But, what she did not know was that I had already done the worst."
One week later, I found out that I was pregnant. I feared I could never face my parents or live there anymore. That is how I left from there. For Ruhi, I changed myself, to this new Purvi, the one that I am proud of now. The one that has not yielded to anyone, the one I am today."
She breaks down. I take her in my arms and let her cry her heart out. It is much needed.
I want her to be in my arms like this forever, I love her so much.
"Come Purvi, taste it now and tell me how it is. Don't blame me if it does not turn out too good, I'll tell them that you are to blame. You kept diverting me."
We both laugh and she bites into a piece of the paratha. She closes her eyes and praises the taste, "this is amazing Rajat, definitely better than mine. Here, taste it."
She breaks a piece and feeds me with her hands and at that moment, Mummyji, Ruhi and simmi enter the kitchen. Purvi's family also joins in the breakfast and praises my aloo ke parathes. After breakfast, Mummyji calls me in her room.
As I sit next to her on the bed, I ask her, "yes maa? Is everything alright?"
"Yes dear. Actually I wanted to talk to you about something. You know I am getting older now, I do not know how much more I will live..."
"Maa, why are you saying these things? If you continue, I shall go from here."
"No son, actually, you know very well after what happened, that I spent all my time taking care of you and Simmi. I am so proud of you two. Both of you are settled and are working so hard, but now Rajat, I really want to see you get married and start a family dear."
I lower my head.
"I know you have always kept avoiding this topic, but now I will no longer let you do so. You know how unpredictable life can be son. Please heed me now. Today, when I woke up, I saw the two of you running around the kitchen, laughing and enjoying yourselves. I was so happy. Rajat, she is a very nice girl. She has fit into our family so well and Ruhi has become our life. Wouldn't you want them to stay here forever? As your mother, I know you have feelings for her son... "
I raise my head and stare open-mouthed at her.
"Son. Vocalise your feelings before it is too late. They won't be here too long. I know she is the one for you. I have no problem with her already having a child or anything, as long as she makes you and our family happy."
Her words keep repeating in my head for the whole day. At around 9, I hear a knock on my door, "come in", I say.
"Hi Rajat. Is everything alright? You did not even come for dinner? Were you afraid that I'd ask you to prepare dinner as well?
I turn around and smile widely at her words.
"No. It's nothing like that. I was going through some papers and I lost track of time. Come, sit."
She sits on the sofa and says, "are you sure there's nothing else right?"
"Well, actually I was just thinking about how time went on so quickly. How we started off as complete strangers and how we are now. Overwhelming isn't it, how things happen beyond your control?"
"Yes Rajat. I agree. In some ways, I was also thinking about the same thing. Sometimes I want to pause these moments, the time, that I get to spend with my family, Mummyji and you. But, alas, I won't be able to. I won't be staying here too long now. School will be starting soon."
"Purvi, I will miss seeing Ruhi's face the first thing I wake up every morning. I will miss you, your voice, your face, your smile. Things won't be the same without you or Ruhi, they won't be as beautiful or precious."
I see a tear stream down her face as she closes her eyes.
"Purvi, is there no way I might convince you to stay here? Is there no way?... I do not even know what I am asking you for. My feelings, emotions are all stirred up. I don't understand..."
"Rajat..", she whispers but no words follow.
"Purvi. May I take you out tomorrow? I mean, will you go out with me for lunch tomorrow, just the two of us? I might finally be able to muster some courage to tell you things that my heart has been wanting to tell you since a long time."
She raises her face to look at me and her face lightens up as a smile forms on her crying face, " yes Rajat. Definitely. I would love to go out with you. Maybe I'll find some answers and a reason to stay tomorrow."
The moment she leaves, I stuff my face in the pillow. What have I just done? What will she think of me now? I did not not even bother to know if her feelings are even mutual!
The next day, my hands shake when I knock on her door. I have been thinking of telling her that maybe I should not have said all of that yesterday and maybe we should cancel the meeting. "Come in", she says.
When I open the door. I freeze. My heart stops beating. She is standing in front of the mirror in a beautiful saree. She is glowing, a different kind of glow. She looks surreal, sublime, like the epitome of simplicity and perfection. I keep staring at her completely unconsciously as she keeps lowering her gaze and turning red.
"Rajat...", she mumbles and I snap out.
"I shall see you later. Sangam Mahal", I tell her before I rush out of the room.
The flashbacks of her face, her glow, her blush do not leave my mind at all. After I pick up some papers from the school, I realize her shift is about to end. I reach the restaurant. I see her, sitting on a table, but she is sitting with someone else, with another man.
Hey readers, Here is the next part ! Hope you like it...Thank you Shweta03, my love c i d, Kanika, Ruby, gauri20090, RK sweety, Guest, sonag, Guest for your reviews...