The chase began. Billy slid and ducked down rotating halls. The balance mechanisms were thrown off to prevent the meltdown. In doing so, the whole facility had lost the ability to stand upright.
The team repeatedly passed the portal room. The room's portals had been shut, so Billy had to reactivate them if he had a desire to escape.
Billy stopped. "Grr… these guys are tough to lose… Hey, SCUMHEADS!"
Billy reached into a nearby box and filled his pockets with a bunch of bombs. He turned to the MVPs. "Watch your heads!" He screamed, as he threw the bomb at them.
The crew screamed and ducked for their lives. "It's a bomb! MOVE!"
After a long moment of the only existent sound being Billy's shoes hitting the floor, they approached the bomb. "Hey…" Mumbled the captain, "this one's fake!"
They resumed the chase. Billy hadn't gotten very far, clearly. Right as they gained on him, Billy turned back again. "Not this time!" Billy let go of another bomb. They all jumped back like rabid cats.
The captain darted in and kicked the fake bomb aside, before charging in.
Billy turned again. "You're really yanking my chain, you know that? It's getting real annoying…" Billy pulled out a smart bomb. "It's gonna all pay off in the end, to see your heads above my fireplace."
"We're not falling for your dang fakes," Spat the captain, "just stop running and let us arrest you. I bet you'll feel so much happier in jail, where nobody wants your head on a stick."
"Who wants my head on a stick?"
"I DO. Very badly."
Billy sighed, "Well, sir, maybe you could, ya know… end me? Instead of putting me into further torture?"
"I know I'm supposed to believe in the good of everyone… but… uhh… you're NO good."
"Can you guys stop taunting each other and LET ME OUT?!" Simon screamed.
Billy tossed the smart bomb, a devious smirk staining his stupid countenance. "Ok. If you're so smart, how about I throw this right at your faces?"
"Let's see you try."
Billy reared back. Everyone held still.
"Wow… you're really falling for this?"
"3, L, Alph, if this is a real bomb, we take this stubbornness to our graves."
"Cap, with all due respect, it wasn't our choice to stand here and let the bomb blow us all to bits."
"Way to die for the team, Alph." Whispered L.
As Billy hurled the bomb toward them, the captain swung the hammer around, hitting the bomb back.
"HOLY SWEET MOTHER OF-" Billy screamed, as the bomb flew right back toward him.
Everyone ducked for cover as the bomb went off.
They stepped out, after the smoke cleared. Billy laid at the end of the hall, bleeding out. "You just HAD to do it, huh? You just HAD to knock it back. I knew that would happen to me someday. I've been using decoys my whole life, always hit with the last bomb." He coughed. "Got shrapnel in me, probably gonna die here. In that case, I love you guys, no homo. I definitely enjoyed the times where Amber wasted my growth serum, gotta love her for that, you silly little crap. I can't forget the time where you arrested me and then made me take those stupid reformation classes…"
"You're being sarcasti-"
"No, I had to enjoy that time where you tried to make Alph shoot me in a stupid game of Russian Roulette." 3 said, oddly serious.
"Ok. It's getting old, now. Welp…" Billy got to his feet, slowly. "Guess I'll be leaving?"
"No, you're-"
Billy shushed the captain. "Ah ah ah! I know, I know, I'm coming with you, yeah right. Listen… arrest that guy, not me." Billy pointed to the end of the hallway.
"3, don't look." All of them (except 3,) scolded.
3 turned back to face Billy, having definitely looked back.
"Wow… I really thought more of you would fall for that. You've grown smarter! Finally! A worthy opponent!"
They frowned, all of them, collectively.
Billy stopped jeering at them. "Well, it was fun while it lasted… The world grows cold, urrrrgh… No, that's too fake. You guys do know that this hurts like heck, right? I AM bleeding out… just not as fast as I thought. You see, that's why replacing your toad vest with a kevlar vest is genius! And then you layer them! And it's like you're a walking hulk!"
The captain started advancing toward Billy. "Listen, kid. We aren't exactly at our best, Simon and what's-her-name are probably having SUCH a fun time in that closet, but you're still just like Omega. You overthink and prepare for something that you're never gonna achieve."
Billy laughed. "You really think I'm like Omega? You're wrong. He thought everything ahead of time. He didn't know who he faced. I know you guys! I know that you're Luigi, the green pinhead himself, I know that tiny man is affiliated with the wraith incident! I know that Ms. Buff over here wants affairs with Travis and has been searching for him since she beat Omega! I know EVERYTHING about you. I know where you live, Lucifer. I know that you have three kids and a wife, you live in Toadtown, not far from the central state. I KNOW EVERYTHING. And I'm not afraid to use it against you."
The captain went to lay a hand on Billy's "shoulder," but his hand went through a holographic copy. "What in the…"
The Hologram laughed. "You see, I'm not even IN this facility! I left when that bomb went off! You don't know me. You just base me off of who I work for. Now, you see, I know about everything and will not hesitate to take your prized families and friends from you. You know what happened to Callie, of the Squid Sisters? I helped with that! Octavio has to get his tech from SOMEWHERE, right?"
"You didn't…"
"And I also, for the record, have been enjoying every second of this playful banter, now… see you around!"
The hologram disappeared.
They started walking. L, with a hint of disappointment in his voice, quietly asked, "Well.. what do we do now?"
The captain turned to face the crew. He had never normally been taken seriously. Not until now, that is. "You guys. He knows everything we do. He knows about our families. Guys. This just got personal."
They cut on the comms. "We're gonna need the whole crew to bring this guy dow-" He halted to listen to what was happening between Amber and Simon in that little room and quickly shut off the comms. "We'll… uhh… we'll find them in a sec."
An hour of awkwardly touching the wall later…
"HA!" Cheered L, "I got it! Look here, they're right behind this wall! They're… oddly warm."
The captain turned on comms. "Listen, I understand if you're trying to make a family in there, but PLEASE help us get you out!"
"Yes! What you said! How do we get out of this room?"
"The door is bulletproof. As well as fireproof… waterproof… dentproof… and a whole bunch of other proofs I'm not gonna go into, because we don't have someone with projectile vomit as a superpower."
L started tapping the wall. "Where's the control panel, he had to have coded it from there… AHA!" L quickly opened the somehow invisible control panel. "Now, let's see… Ah! A number lock!"
L reached to hit the button that would open the door, but the nearby number lock flashed.
L looked at the number lock. "What's 1+1? 2, obviousl-"
"What's 2+38?"
L kept answering as the questions got more and more complex.
"WHAT'S 8.3 squared and rounded UP?! I don't know!"
The captain sighed. "Let me guess… Is it… 69?"
"I dunno, let me put that in- wait…"
"Yeah, I know. It's the last thing you'd expect from a futuristic number lock."
As L put in the final number, the lock chimed and the two that had been stuck in that tiny closet piled out.
"Oooohhhhhhh that's better… I think I'm claustrophobic."
Simon jumped to his feet and started running. "Get me as far away and as not affiliated with YOU as possible, THANKS!"
"Why me, I just haven't had any relationships since I was born!"
"3, snap her neck, or something!"
3 turned and walked away, completely ignoring Simon's request.
Meanwhile…
The rejected were playing cards, Arris the one winning, at the moment in which Billy walked in.
"Hey. What are you guys playing?"
"Uhh.. I'm playing go-fish, they're playing poker, and Marco's just hungry. Oh, and sorry for ditching ya back there."
Marco put down the snack she prepared to devour.
"Ehh, no problem. I used that to get inside their heads. I liked it. A lot."
"You got inside of someone? Good for you!" Cheered an unknowing Arris.
"NO, I meant… like… AH! That's not what I meant! I meant, I made them nervous! They're scared of me!"
"Ooohhhh… Dang it. If you were human, or something, maybe you could get inside of people at a higher rate."
"Let's stop talking about that, it's truly not important. What's REALLY important is my plan! Listen. I have an idea. See, whatever you said, about me being human… I know how to get that to a reality. But it's such a stretch. Maybe…"
"Way to go, trying to get inside of p-"
"STILL NOT WHAT I MEANT. Stop mentioning that, it only hurts me further."
Meanwhile…
Simon sat beside 3, to prevent Amber from closing the next 5 feet beside him, as they sat on the couch.
"So… uhh… the burning, million dollar question,"
The captain interrupted Alph. "We're actually putting money onto this, please tell us."
"So… what IS your relation with Alpha, hm? Are you… y'know… gettin' busy?"
Amber laughed, awkwardly. "No, that's with Simon. Michael's my… uhh…. He's SO gonna kill me.. We're siblings."
"...hey. Cap, no hard feelings," Laughed L, "but you DO both owe me 75 coins."
"L, that's coming out of your paycheck."
"Wait, that wasn't the deal!"
"You ARE siblings, eh? Have you seen his face? Is it the most handsome thing we've ever seen?" 3 queried, excitedly.
"No."
"Well, that's a letdown."
"Yeah. It's like mine. But darker. And stranger. Did you know that he has a huge scar on his face?"
"Way to keep his identity a secret."
Amber laughed. "Before he became," she put up quotations, "'Alpha,' he was just Michael. Let's be real, there's not much that actually makes him menacing. I think the only reason everyone else is scared of him is because he fires people like it's a sport. Like, he won't fire you guys, because you're special, you're main character material. He's looking for people like that. When he catches an underachiever, he's gonna raise them up… or the more plausible option. To fire them."
"So, what, was he a secretary as… "Michael?"
"No. He unknowingly helped create Gamma. Then he ran away and I cut him across the face and gave him that scar- and you ever see how he acts like he can't see things? Well, I think that's because I messed up his eyesight."
"I thought he was always pretending when he pretended to not know how to read."
The next day…
Simon was up first. He had popped in headphones and Luigi awoke to him standing in front of a widespread breakfast.
"Oh, HI! I made a little breakfast."
"A LITTLE?! That's not a little, pal!"
Simon shrugged. "It is once 3 gets to it." He laughed. "Anyway, I don't know what the heck came over me, but I made a lot of food. Like I said, until 3 gets a hold of it."
3 slogged out of the room. "Hey… I smell bacon. Wait. THAT IS BACON!"
"Just don't eat all of it."
"No promises. Besides, you know the drill. Someone makes something good, I am a hungry girl with a fast metabolism, therefore, I eat a lot."
"How about you eat literally anything else with it- aaaaaaand there she goes."
Simon sighed. "When was the last time I made breakfast?"
Luigi chuckled. "The day before the wraith incident. Well, it was mostly gone when Cap woke up."
"What does that scenario remind you of, hm?"
"Huh. This is nearly exactly what happened. Except the wraith attacked literally seconds after the captain woke up. Let's hope that the wraith part doesn't happen."
"Hey, guys, what's that DELECTABLE smell?"
3's gaze snapped from a plateful of bacon to Amber. "The bacon is MINE. As well as probably everything els-"
By then, it was seconds too late. Amber had already dug in.
Simon sighed again. "I'm not eating breakfast today, am I?"
"Probably not. Wanna go and grab something else, instead, molto velocemente?"
"I just made a whole breakfast, in an attempt to make sure everyone eats. Now, only two people eat and I starve. Whatever. Where are you thinking?"
"Meh. Does New Donk have a Starbucks™?"
"I think so. Well. Let's just get me out of here, before I cry."
"I gotchu, pal."
They returned, about an hour or 2 later, with some lattes.
"...but that's not even remotely possible, how do goombas breathe? You say they have noses, they don't! That's my only explanation as to why they are always standing in a braindead position, with their mouths ajar. They're inhaling air, or something."
"Ooh! Did you boys bring US some?" The captain said, in his freshly-brewed cup of coffee.
"Uhh… no."
"Then it's coming out of your paychecks. Anyway, I've found a lead. Billy is literally marching through… what's this place called… Alpha put it in as "Wood Man Stage"... what?"
"Who's Wood Man?"
The captain sighed. "I know that we have a Tengu Man in our corporation, but who the heck is Wood Man?!"
"It'll all be revealed when we go there and wreck him. And after I finish this latte…" Mumbled L.
Name: [Unknown]
Age: 29
Height: 6' 7'
Weight: (From the last time we checked, A LONG TIME AGO,) 197 Lbs
Alias(es): 3, Agent 3, Orange, (Simon calls her this one)Rocks/Roxy
Species: Inkling
Gender: Female
Preferred weapons: Fists and/or legs
Ranged weapon score: 65%
Self defense score: 198%
Blade & knife score: 10%
Blunt weapon score: 25%
Agent 3. I can't with 3. She's tall. She's also kinda stupid. I have literally seen her have to duck just to fit into a doorway! Anyway, the one in our group you DON'T want to end up in a fight with. Guns? She's somehow fast enough to dodge 'em. Knives? Don't even try it. Also, I am extremely jealous of how built she is... what did you do to get that muscular?! I don't even have knees!