Chapter 16
Zuko opened his eyes, blinking at the few rays of sunlight reaching into the room through the tiny cracks in the boarded-up window. He instantly became aware of the warm body nestled comfortably against his back, as he spooned Katara from behind, arms wrapped around her waist. She hadn't fled back to her room during the night, like Zuko feared she might. No, she was still here by the morning, sleeping peacefully in his arms.
For a while, Zuko simply lay there, inhaling the light floral scent of her hair, reminiscing of the night they had spent together. To say that it had been the most amazing night of his life yet felt like an understatement. Less than a week ago, Zuko would have sarcastically laughed off the possibility of such experience, claiming it to be the stuff of immature romance novels. Now, the whole thing did not seem that ridiculous at all. It had taken a very short timeframe for Zuko to understand one simple thing. Katara was the perfect match for him. And yet it didn't necessarily mean that they could make this work, or that there was a future for them.
Briefly, Zuko wondered about Katara's possible reaction to waking up in his arms. He didn't regret anything that had happened between them, quite the opposite, but he was well aware that for Katara the realization of what had happened might bring with it feelings of crushing guilt and bitter regrets. The only reason why Zuko might come to regret what had happened was if the net result of their affair was Katara suffering and being unhappy.
He buried his face in her mussed, tangled up hair, inhaling more and more of her intoxicating scent, resisting the urge to kiss the sweat slicked skin of her exposed shoulder. Even know, the closeness of her body pressed against him was driving him crazy, starting to make him aroused yet again, and in order to seek some respite, Zuko moved slightly in the bed, reluctantly trying to shift a little away from her. Unfortunately, that was all it took to rouse Katara and she woke up with a cute little yawn escaping her lips. Then Zuko felt her body instantly stiffen when she realized just where she was.
For a moment, he feared that Katara would wrest herself from his embrace to bolt and flee, but after a brief pause, he felt her relax and lean back into his touch. "Good morning..." she whispered throatily. It didn't sound like the guilt and regret had kicked in yet, and Zuko hoped that they could stave off these inescapable consequences for a while yet.
"Good morning," Zuko whispered back at her, nuzzling against her hair. "How are you feeling?" he asked.
"What do you think?" Katara sounded a little amused. "Incredibly stiff and sore all over. But in a pleasant way," she added quickly before he even had the chance to start worrying about possibly having hurt her. "I'll be alright, remember, I can always heal myself if necessary. I'm just... unsure if I want to."
"I must confess, it came as a surprise to me," Zuko admitted. "Though I'm not sure what I had expected. I guess I just hadn't thought about it at all."
"Well, I don't know what else you should have expected," Katara chuckled. "I may have turned eighteen not too long ago, but Aang is still fifteen. We had agreed to wait. And contrary to what recent evidence might suggest, I generally don't go around cheating on my boyfriend," she added with a sigh. Zuko winced inwardly at her words. It seemed that the first pang of regret had arrived for Katara.
"Nobody would dare to say that about you," Zuko spoke firmly. "Still... being your first is not something I expected," he added without any ill-fitting boastfulness to his voice.
"As well as my second. And third, if my memories of last night are accurate," Katara added cheekily, making Zuko's cheeks burn. She removed his hands clasped around her waist, but only to whirl around in the bed, now being able to face him as they lay next to one another. Warmth pooled in her deep blue eyes as she faced him, an overwhelming expression of emotion that made him feel lightheaded. "Thank you for this night, Zuko," she whispered. "It was perfect. You were perfect."
"As were you," Zuko whispered back. Their lips met in a kiss following the confession, but they reluctantly broke it off shortly afterwards. The storm had long since died outside, and they both became aware of the sounds coming from the estate, Suki and Ty Lee being up and about. "What now?" Zuko forced himself to ask. It was petty and childish, but he didn't want to think about the future at all, he just wanted to linger and persevere this moment with Katara for as long as he could.
"That's a good question," Katara mused thoughtfully. "Now that we have satisfied this crazy inferno of passion inside of us, we can easily forget everything that happened and slip back to remaining just friends, right?"
Zuko blinked at her words. "I, uh... I don't think it will work that way for me, Katara," he managed with a frown.
"Ah... well, it was worth a try asking, even if it's not going to work for me either. But it would have been much easier if we woke up and those feelings had just dissipated with this night we spent together," she sighed.
"Maybe it would have been easier, but I don't want to forget," Zuko shook his head in determination. "I don't want to forget this night and I don't want to forget how I feel about you. Ever."
A solitary tear rolled down Katara's cheek and she took a deep breath to steady herself. "I don't want to forget that either," she added, running her palm across his chest and enjoying the feel of his taut muscles. "Spirits, why do you have to be so amazingly distracting..."
"Thank you for the compliment, but you are pretty distracting yourself," Zuko chuckled at her.
"It wasn't a compliment, it was an azukation... gah, an accusation!" Katara blushed, bursting into giggles. "See what you're doing to me, I can't even speak!" Seeing her laugh like that, freely and happily, made Zuko's chest so full that he feared that it might burst. He was so desperate to tell her just how much he loved her in that moment and being unable to do so was hurting him physically. Still, he couldn't quite bring himself to say the words, worried that they might frighten her too much.
"Let's be more serious for a moment, though," Katara said then. He nodded, no matter how vehemently he wanted to object and set this line of conversation aside. "Once we're back at the capital, I will have to leave. I... trust you will understand."
"I think I do," Zuko nodded. The longer she would remain with him and kept their affair hidden from Aang, the more and more guilty she would feel, until these bitter feelings poisoned their relationship and made her utterly miserable. "News would spread sooner or later, regardless of how loyal Suki and Ty Lee are. Soon enough, all the Kyoshi girls would know, and then it would be only a matter of time until someone else overhears."
"And Mai will undoubtedly spread rumors as well, even if she doesn't know just what happened last night," Katara added. "I cannot allow Aang to hear about it from anyone else. He deserves to hear it from me. And then I'll deal with the fallout of that."
"Once we're back at the capital, I will personally arrange a hot air balloon to take you to the Southern Air Temple," Zuko promised.
"Thank you," Katara smiled sadly at him. "As for what happens after that... I'm sorry, Zuko, but I can't make any promises. I simply don't know what will happen."
"I think I've made it pretty clear what I want, Katara. I want you back here, with me," Zuko stated boldly. "And I'm prepared to fight for you."
"But you will also respect my decision, whatever it might be," Katara pleaded, appearing a little upset.
"Of course, I will," Zuko moved to quickly reassure her. "Always."
"Good, that is good," Katara smiled, relieved. "It's more than just about my relationship with Aang, though. I need answers to many questions, and I think you need to address these questions as well."
"Questions such as?" Zuko wondered.
"If I were to return to the Fire Nation... to you. And I'm not saying I will, I do not want to give you false hope," Katara whispered, lowering her eyes. "But if I were to, what would our relationship be like? How would that even work? Could it work?"
"I'm sure that we could make it work," Zuko replied quickly, but then stopped himself to think and frowned. His immediate answer was based on nothing else but blind love-struck optimism and not much else. In reality, a partnership with someone like Katara would bring with it a lot of unique challenges, and it would certainly create a huge political stir... not necessarily to Zuko's advantage. Ugh, I hate to think about what we have with such practical considerations in mind... I feel like they almost taint my feelings for her. But I have to think about these things, don't I? That's the mature thing to do. That's how a ruler has to think. "No, you are right," he admitted a while later. "It would not be quite as simple as that. There would be challenges. If I claimed otherwise, I would be lying to you, and I can't bring myself to do that."
"Thank you, Zuko," she smiled at him. "But most of all, I just want to be certain of my feelings, and you need to be certain of your feelings as well. We have to be sure that this wasn't just some sort of... anomaly. I don't think it is... what I feel for you is difficult to put into words. But... we need to see how and if our feelings change when we're parted from each other."
"I suppose all that makes sense," Zuko agreed reluctantly. Even thinking about being parted from her hurt. Having to endure it for a long stretch of time felt like a painful and miserable experience. "I wish it wasn't necessary..." he couldn't stop himself from adding.
"I wish it wasn't, my sweet Fire Lord," Katara smiled bitterly, reaching out to press her lips against his in a short kiss. "I wish everything was simple, black or white, right or wrong, like when we were still children."
"We were hardly ever allowed to be just children," Zuko remarked with equal sadness. "But you're right... now nothing is simple, everything is muddled and confusing. But I do know one thing," he said, reaching out to caress her bare shoulder. "I'll wait for you as long as necessary, my sweet Water Tribe girl."
Katara flew into his arms at those words, and they began to kiss again, in danger of surrendering themselves to their passion one more time. Fortunately, they were soon distracted by a knock on the doors. Zuko and Katara both froze, hoping that the intruder would just give up, but a few moments later the door opened and Suki's head popped into the room, the girl blushing deeply as her eyes landed on them embraced in the bed. "Umm, so... I just wanted to give you these," she spoke a little awkwardly as she tossed a pair of discarded garments at them, the clothes landing on the bed. "I thought you might need them before you emerge."
"Uh... thank you, Suki," Zuko coughed in embarrassment.
"Also, breakfast is ready," Suki added, appearing amused. "You might want to get up if the plan still is for us to return to the capital today."
"That's still the plan, Suki," Zuko smiled at the girl. "Thank you." Suki nodded and left them alone.
"I guess it's time," Katara sighed reluctantly, slipping out of the bed and quickly grabbing her scattered garments, starting to dress. Trying not to admire her beautiful body too openly and save himself the embarrassment of becoming aroused again, Zuko quickly focused on doing the same, and in short order they both felt presentable enough to leave the room together. Just before they did so, however, Zuko stopped Katara on the very doorstep, turning her around and then pulling her close for one more prolonged, breath-stealing kiss.
Suki and Ty Lee awaited them in the downstairs kitchen, both girls unable to hide the huge grins plastered on their faces. "Hey, you two!" Ty Lee called out happily, pointing at the breakfast table. "I made some steamed buns and lots of pancakes! Dig in! And there's tea, of course."
Only now did Zuko realize how famished he was from all their exploits during the night. Katara apparently felt the same, as they both eagerly took their spots at the table, quickly digging into the tasty offerings. "By the way, I did a cursory inspection of the estate, while Ty Lee ran down to the docks to check on the boat," Suki explained while Zuko and Katara ate. "The boat has a few bruises, but is otherwise intact, and so is the estate. I'll just need Katara to unfreeze some of the doors and windows later."
"I'll do that right after the breakfast," the waterbender nodded quickly.
"Oh, and there's something else we have to do, Katara," Suki said, retrieving a small jar, passing it over to the other girl. Inside, Zuko could spot a dark red, almost brownish powdery substance. "One teaspoon daily for seven days straight," Suki added with a conspiring wink.
"Oh," Katara managed blankly, accepting the proffered spoon and quickly taking the herbal medicine. Zuko frowned, not entirely certain what it was about. "I mean, I'm reasonably sure we were careful enough, but I guess it won't hurt. What is it, Suki?"
"Ground wild carrot seed, a recipe from my grandmother," Suki smiled. "It's said to be extremely effective. I mean... I assume you don't want any surprises."
"Spirits, like we need that on top of everything," Katara groaned. "Thank you, Suki."
"Oh..." Zuko finally realized what they were talking about. "I get it now. Yes, thank you, Suki. But why did you even have it with you, I mean, you're dating a girl..."
"Oh, I brought it with Katara already in mind," Suki laughed, making the two not-so-secret lovers blush heatedly. "Somehow, I had a feeling that it might be needed..."
"I guess we were not being very subtle," Zuko stated, making everyone at the table laugh in amusement.
"Not really," Suki shook her head. "Also, we've already packed everything, all that's left is the stuff in your and Katara's room. So, once you have eaten and gathered all your belongings, we can set off for the docks."
"I really don't want to leave," Ty Lee blurted out, summarizing the feelings of them all. "You see, Zuko, Ember Island really is the magical place they claim it to be. This was certainly a magical vacation, and I think we all learned something new about ourselves and those we care about deeply."
Zuko turned to face Katara, finding her staring back at him with a loving look in her eyes. He reached out and took her hand under the table, squeezing it tightly. "It certainly was everything you said, Ty Lee," he spoke softly, looking deep into Katara's eyes. "A truly magical vacation."