AnonBrowser: I'm glad to see you're enjoying the relationship developments, and I definitely see your point about Light-Maria, their self-centeredness and narcissism could leave to them not working out, but you never know, this would have twice the amount of time as they got in canon, which brings more time for development.
Gucci Mane LaFlare: Great to see you reviewing again dude! It's nice to know people feel like I'm not taking things very fast.
Picochu: Knowing that people enjoy that reward challenges are nice, as there will be quite a few later, you'll know what I mean when we get there. It's also nice to know that Mike and Zoey are entertaining, and Sam too, even though I haven't used him much.
With the reviews out of the way, let's get on with the episode. You may have noticed a name change, mostly because the canon episode was a reference to Trent's decent into madness, I changed the name, which is now a reference to "A Million Ways to Die in the West"
A Million Dollars in the West
I don't own anything related to Total Drama, and it all belongs to Fresh TV.
A harmonic tune played, as a seagull flew over a beach. "People have always been drawn to the beauty of the sea." Chris started. A seagull rested on a buyi, and a shark swam by with a menacing tune, causing it to fly away. "Hehehe" Chris laughed, showing that the shark was actually him. "That's not where we were last time." The shot flashed to various scenes from the last episode. "Zoey went surfing! Until a twister ruined her fun." A scene of Zoey getting thrown into the green screen was shown. "And B was stripped bare." B's trunks getting eaten by a shark was played. "Hehehe, nice nips dude." Next, Lightning winning the challenge for the Gaffers, and then a clip of B's machine helping his team win. "Lightning won the challenge for the Gaffers, but B's smarts were simply better, showing brain over brawn." The final clip was of Lightning and Zoey's dance competition. "Tied at one to one, Lightning's dancing gave his team the win, while Mike and Zoey's heartwarming moment wasn't really considered such." Chris walked into the beach setting from the intro. "It scores them a hawiian bbq, and with only eleven players left, maybe the Gaffers will stand a chance this week?" The scene now finished with Chris standing in front of the cast trailers. "Find out here on:
Total!
Drama!
Action!"
(Cue intro)
The black screen faded into a shot of the sun, blazing down on the eleven campers. Anne Maria and Dakota were sitting under an umbrella together, the former filing her nails. Dawn was meditating next to the girl's cast trailer, and Jo was next to her. In the boy's trailer, Sam leaned out of the window. "Ugh, so hot out, need, power up." He moaned.
XXX
"Now that everybody's out in the sun, I get to work out the way I like." Jo started, the camera was zoomed in close to her face. "Naked." She struck a pose, and the camera zoomed out to show her in a tower, wearing nothing underneath.
XXX
"One, two, three…" Jo rang out, doing jumping jacks. A bird flew by the window, and threw up after seeing Jo.
/
B was sitting comfortably in a chair, having an invention fan him with a big leaf. Unfortunately, it was so hot out that the machine melted, causing B to look disappointed. Brick was panting like a dog in a kiddie pool, while the camera panned to Mike and Zoey sitting under a tree. "Would you like a drink of water?" Mike asked.
Zoey smiles. "Yes, of course I would! Well, not that you needed to offer it to me." The indie chick stammered.
XXX
Mike gave the confessional a goofy smile. "You know, most people might think that Zoey apologizing a lot might be annoying, but I find it kind of cute."
XXX
Chris stepped into frame, and loaded a gun, presumingly a revolver. He shot it up in the air, startling the contestants. "Ow! Cheap shot!" Sam yelled after hitting his head in the window.
"Ah! Chris!" Dakota wined.
"Take it easy, guns are loaded with blanks." Chris taunted, blowing the smoke in Sam's face. "At least I'm sure one of them is." Western music played in the background, and Chris put on a cowboy accent. "If you ain't beaten the heat, you're outta luck, cus we goin west this week." The contestants looked at him oddly. "There's a town meetin at high noon, be there, or I'll drive ya dead beets outta town!" The host announced.
"Hey! If we're going out of town, can we head down to the sha-football game? I hear there's a new one that the Lightning's been waiting to see!" The jock interrupted.
XXX
Anne Maria was in the confessional, looking at the camera grumpily. "A challenge now? My makeup is all messed up, I can't compete in this heat."
XXX
/
Chris held up a watch, and the camera panned down to a western themed setting from the first challenge. A tumbleweed passed by, and burned up from the heat.
/
Anne Maria walked by her team with her makeup being melted, Scott and Dakota snickering at her new face. "Hey! I don't like it anymore than you, I got makeup in my poof and I intend to fix it." The jersey girl remarked.
"Oh I'm enjoying this greatly." Scott teased. Dakota laughed along with the dirt farmer.
"Hey! Lightning still thinks you look fine the way you are sexy girl!" The jock commented.
Anne Maria raises her eyebrows. "Yeah, sure." She said doubtfully.
"Listen up partners." Chris called out, still in his western accent. "In any good western, there are heroes, outlaws, horses, and pretty daims." Chris continued, now speaking in his regular voice. Sam nudged Dakota after he finished, making her blush. "The hero defeats the outlaw, and rides into the sunset."
Zoey raised her hand. "What about the pretty daims? My favorite is-"
"None of your beeswax!" Chris yelled.
"Oh, sorry." Zoey rubbed her arm.
"Hehehehe, just messing with ya." Chris pet Zoey's hair like a dog. "They usually hang out in the saloon after the bar brawl."
Jo chuckled. "Bar brawl? Sounds fun."
"Enough with the over explanations." Chris called out. "All eyes should be back on me." Chris shot of a bullet from his two guns. "Time for your first challenge, no cowboy worth spitting at goes one day without saddle practice. Time to saddle up!" Chris yelled. A horse in the distance let out a comically large fart, and then one little one a second later. "Come on! Is this really the best stead we could afford?" Chris asked.
Chef was doing calculations in one of the fake buildings, and looked at him angrily. "You want a five star hotel, champagne and a turkey dinner for breakfast? Hmm, I gotta cut somewhere." The cook scolded.
Chris suddenly changed his mood. "I love it, it's perfect, don't say a thing."
XXX
"Yay! I love horsies!" Zoey cheered. "Dawn told me I resemble one, that's so, great?" Zoey suddenly questioned.
XXX
Mike was in the confessional next. "My parents used to make me go to summer camps as a kid. In one of them, we learned how to joust, ride horses, and even look manly in tights." Mike raddled off. "It's embarrassing, but it should come in handy here.
XXX
"Who said a western movie had to end with a guy and his sha-horse?" Lightning questioned. "This is the movies, and the guy always gets the girl." Lightning said. "I think."
XXX
Scott sneered. "You call this a challenge?" He attempted to get on the horse, and it ran away, trampling him. "Ow! Hey! What was that for?"
"Easy tiger." The host warned. "Not there, you're going to have to mount the horse from up there." The camera zoomed out to show the water tower nearby. "Not there, way up there." The camera zoomed out again, and it extended to show another ladder, towering above the set. "Sense the Gaffers won the challenge last time, they get to go first." The five Gaffers looked at each other nervously. "Don't worry, our unpaid interns made sure it was safe."
/
A flashback occurred, having Chef kick an intern off the diving board. "No, no, please, no, no, ahhhh!" The intern's screams fell quieter and quieter, and eventually fell silent entirely.
Chef cringed, but closed his eyes in satisfaction. "Looks safe to me."
/
"We won last time, why do we have to go first?" Dakota demanded an answer.
"Because I said so, I'm your host, Chris McLean." A game show theme played as Chris gave a flashy smile to the camera.
Dawn suddenly appears behind Scott. "Please don't hurt this poor horse, they don't deserve such pain." The moon child protested, Scott looked at her.
"Yeah, sorry about that, but I don't care." Scott backed away from her, and accidentally bumped into the horse. "Oof!"
"We have a volunteer." Chris announced, Scott glared at him.
XXX
Scott sighed. "Welp, might as well get this over with."
XXX
"Wish me luck guys." Scott asked. The Gaffers cheered him on, and Anne Maria spoke up.
"Yeah yeah just do it." She yelled.
Lightning backed her up. "Yeah, what the hot one said."
/
The shot cut to the latter, and it was shaking with creaks. Scott climbed up it slowly, and looked down. "Uhh, yeah, this should be easy to throw."
XXX
Scott crosses his arms and smirks. "I actually did activities like this back on the farm, my favorite was an all you can eat dirt contest with my cousins."
XXX
Scott put on a fake sad face. "Oh boo who, I can't do this." Scott casually walked towards the latter, but a gust of wind blew him off the edge. "Hey! Woah woah woah!" Scott plummeted to the bottom, screaming all the way down.
XXX
Scott was in the fetal position, pale as a ghost. "Seen future, must stop, eating, cake."
XXX
Scott fell to the ground, and instead of landing on the host like he expected, he fell in the water tray, causing a huge splash. Brick looked scared at him. "Uh, you ok soldier?" The team leader asked. He picked him up and carried the dirt boy over his arms.
Chris laughed. "Now that was awesome, Gaffers none, Grips are up."
Sam stepped up for position. "I guess I'll go next."
/
"Ahhhhh!" Sam screams on his way down, and luckily manages to land on the horse.
Chris smirked. "Grips one, Gaffers zip, next!"
/
"Nooooooooo!" Brick yelled. He landed head first on the horse, causing cracks in bones to be heard from both of them. "Oh, who's a good boy?" Brick pet the horse like a dog, and he said so in a goofy voice.
Lightning landed on Brick a second later, causing more uncomfortable cracks to be heard. "Way to stick the landing Lightning! Two points to the Gaffers." Chris announced, Lightning smiling in triumph.
/
Dawn jumped from the diving board and didn't scream. Instead, a flock of birds came by and saved her, as she generally floated down to safety on the horse's back. "It's ok, innocent one, you're safe with me." The horse neighs happily.
Chris growned. "Oh come one, but whatever. If logic can bend, then so can the rules, Dawn scores a point for the Grips." Wines of protest came from the Gaffers, but they knew it was no use.
/
"It's time for Svetlana to perform her next stunt!" Svetlana struck a pose, and then front flipped off the diving board, landing with elegance on the horse.
Chris clapped. "And Mike, err, Svetlana scores a pint for the Killer Grips!"
/
B stood on top of the diving board, having a makeshift parachute on his back. He jumped off the board, and pulled the cord. It spread out, but a gust of wind came by and blew him away. Jo and Zoey gasped, as shocks of electricity sounded throughout the scenery. Jo leaned towards Chris. "Uhh, you're gonna hell big and brainy get out of that situation right?" The jock ette asked.
Chris laughed. "Ha!" Suddenly, the scene cut to the recording room, where Chris was reading from a script. "We here, from Total Drama Action, care about the health, and welfare, of our competitors." His eyes were moving left to right, and he was reading slowly. "Furthermore, no animals were hurt in the making of this show." Chris looked at the camera in satisfactory.
/
Zoey tapped Chris on his shoulder. "I'm sorry, but I can't do this". Zoey said, Chris looking disappointed.
/
As the last member of the team, Jo stretched on the diving board. "Well, if I die, tell Lightning, he's annoying."
/
"Ahhhhh!" Jo screamed and landed flatly on the horse in an anticlimactic way. "Haha! Yes!"
Chris spoke out of a megaphone. "Alright, the Killer Grips are now leading at four to two, if Dakota and Anne Maria manage to cause a tie, so, get climbing ladies." Dakota and Anne Maria glared at each other in distrust.
Dakota pushed Anne Maria next to the latter. "After you teammate." Anne Maria grabbed Dakota and pushed her by the ladder too, they both glared at each other and started climbing.
/
"Why is it that you always have to spray that hair and tan spray? Just do it naturally!" Dakota complained.
"Yeah right doll, because we all love the paparazzi that comes around when we try to relax." The jersey shore reject insulted.
"Well at least I have people that fall for me." Dakota backed up.
"Oh, I'll show you falling." Anne Maria pushed Dakota off the diving board, but tripped and fell off herself.
"Ahhhhhhh!" They came to a sudden stop, and everyone cringed. "Ohh" The two moaned.
"Haha haha." Chris laughed. "Now that was golden, but the teams are now tied at four each, follow me to the next challenge.
(Cue commercial break)
/
The eleven teens were standing in a row, and Chris's boots stomped down. "One of the most entertaining parts of any good western is the cow wrangling scenes." The host began, the others looking confused. "You guys will all be in a fenced off area, one team will be the cowboys, the other, the cows." Chris held a cowboy hat in one hand, and an utter in the other. "Now, make a decision on who gets to be who, or I'll have to pick for you."
Brick got in a group huddle with the rest of his team. "If we're a smaller team, it should make sense to be the cowboys, as there would be more people to find."
"Right on, army guy!" Lightning complemented, with Anne Maria and Dakota smiling at the plan, and Scott smirking.
Brick smiled joyfully. "Why thank you! You know, I try my hardest to-"
"Yeah yeah we get it." The jersey girl commented.
XXX
Anne Maria filed her nails in the confessional. "You know, Brick may be ugly, but at least he's a good leader."
XXX
Brick cleared his throat. "We Gaffers chose to be the cowboys." The leader selected.
Mike sighed. "Aww man, I was hoping to show off Manitoba's rope wielding skills."
"Wait, is that supposed to be one of your alters?" Jo asked.
"Well-" Mike started.
"Challenge time!" Chris interrupted.
/
"Alright, now that we've decided that the Gaffers will be the cowboys, and the Grips will be the cattle. If the cowboys round up the cattle, they win. If the cattle avoid capture, they win." Chris explained the challenge rules.
XXX
Sam chuckled to himself in the confessional. "Hehehe, looks like there is a cow level."
XXX
Jo inspected the cow utters on her head. "Stupid million bucks."
XXX
The two teams put their hats on, all the Gaffers wearing cowboy hats, and all the Grips wearing utters. "Would the cattle care for some hay?" Chris asked teasingly.
Dawn raised her hand quietly. "Wouldn't it be better if you just gave us a meal break like a few days ago?"
Mike spoke too. "Hey yeah, why did we stop anyway?"
Chris chuckled. "Silly kids, I got Chef to tweak the rules a little, now it's all time camera time."
Dakota shrugged. "Fine by me."
Chris snapped his fingers. "Yo Chef!" Chef walked on screen, wearing a dress, and harmonic music in the background. "Love the dress, Chefette." Chef glared at Chris's remark.
/
Chef tied down a rope, which zoomed out to show Chris being tied to a fence post. "Maybe when I change, I'll come back and untie you." Chef commented, and simply walked off.
Chris wined. "Chef, no! My arms!" The stuck host sighed. "You know what? Just go." The Grips all ran in one direction, and the Gaffers looked at each other as the music became more suspenseful. The Gaffers eventually started running, and Anne Maria started chasing Zoey. She threw the lasso, but missed by a large margin, but then a second lasso came around and roped in Zoey.
"Where did you learn to do that?" Zoey asked.
The mysterious rope thrower was revealed to be Scott. "Oh you know, working on a farm provides these situations almost every week." Scott tightened his grip, and Zoey winced.
Dawn looked at the scene in suspicion, but was interrupted by a lasso taking her by the feet. "Heya, I actually managed to get one." Anne Maria pat herself in the back.
Dawn shrugged. "You know, just because you're pears don't think well of your singing voice doesn't mean that you're bad at everything."
The jersey girl fell silent. "Hey! How did you know that?"
/
Chris has untied himself from his tiny prison. "That's two cattle down, only four to go."
/
Brick was chasing Jo, and spinning his rope. "Ha, try to catch me if you can G-I-joke!" Jo taunted. Brick glared, and unleashed his rope. Unfortunately for him, it got caught on a fence post, and the cadet was tangled up in his own rope, now being dizzy. "Wow, nice going brick for brains."
"Why thank you mommy." Brick said in a goofy voice, having Jo raise her eyebrows in confusion.
/
Sam and Dakota were walking backwards, looking around for anybody else. Eventually, they hit each other, and Dakota got ready to throw, while Sam froze from embarrassment. "So uh, has anybody told you, that you have uh, uh pretty ankles?" Dakota raised her eyebrow in confusion, but she threw anyway, and missed horribly.
"Oh, um, I'm not good at this." The blonde stated.
XXX
Sam sat in the confessional. "Man, I've only ever been on one date, and I completely trashed it." The gamer sighed. "I don't know why I think I can get with Dakota, but it's still worth a shot right?"
XXX
/
Mike was running quickly from a mysterious person. "What is it? Can't keep up or something?"
The mysterious person then fell to the ground. "Oh, you're right, how are you so fast?" Scott asked.
/
Brick tossed a rope onto Dakota. "Got ya cowgirl!" He said in his goofy voice.
Dakota looked at her team leader. "Hmm, oh right, I sorta gave up on the challenge, I'm not very good at this stuff."
Brick laughed. "You're funny."
/
The shot cut to the five Gaffers running towards the four remaining Grips. They eventually stopped when they reached a pile of rope, and quickly realized a plan. Jo used a rope to real in Lightning and Brick in one swing. "Sha-what? Lightning's never met a guy he lost to."
"Guy?" Jo asked.
Mike now has a fedora on, and used his rope to real in Dakota and Anne Maria. "He, bet ya buckos didn't expect that one did ya?" He asked in an Australian accent.
In the distance, Scott was groaning with a side-stitch, and B roped him in.
XXX
Scott looked at the confessional in a grumpy mood. "Ok, so maybe I got a little tired, but I just had to do a challenge with sharks in it, can you blame me?"
XXX
Chris walked near the contestants, victorious music playing in the background. "Well, what do we have here? The cattle have roped the cowboys. A bit unexpected, but what the heck, the Grips win!"
As the Grips were cheering, Zoey was roped in by Mike's alter. "How do you enjoy that one lassie?" He said in an Australian accent, making Zoey blush.
"Oh, uh, you must be Manitoba right?" Zoey asked.
"Gd'eye mate." The alter commented.
/
Chris was seen next to a fire. "You Gaffers are the losers, and you know what happens to losers." Chris took out a metal rod from the fire with the letter L on it. "It's time to be branded!"
Lightning smiled. "Sha-bam! That might actually look cool on Lightning, put it on Chris!" The jock pulled down his pants, making the others look away except for Anne Maria.
XXX
Anne Maria laughed. "Ha! Not bad, not bad at all."
XXX
Chris put the L in water. "Legal says we can't brand you guys, guess we'll just have to settle for eliminating one of you guys in tonight's dramatic elimination ceremony." Chris did some goofy dance moves as he spoke. "For now, you guys shower, you reek."
/
Back at the cast trailers, Anne Maria stepped out of the showers in a towel, but an arm pulled her aside. "Ey yo! What gives?" She protested, but Scott shushed her. The camera panned out to show the rest of the Gaffers standing at the cast trailers, all in towels.
Scott cleared his throat. "Listen, it's been a rough night, and Brick made the wrong call again." Brick was about to speak up, but Scott shushed him. "We're not going to vote you off." Scott smirked. "Instead, I was thinking we should vote off the more useless member, that being Dakota."
Anne Maria stepped up. "Yeah! She's been annoying me since day one, I say we should send her out."
"Yeah, if sexy girl is voting for her, Lightning's voting for her." Lightning backed up.
Brick shrugged. "Well, no use standing up, if it's three against two, I can't do anything."
Scott chuckled. "Well then, it's decided."
/
(Gilded Chris ceremony intro)
All five Gaffers clicked their voting devices. "The votes have been cast." Chris announced. "If you get a gilded Chris award, you're safe, for now." Chef walked on screen, now in a suit like Chris. "What happened to your dress?" Chef glared at Chris, and Chris took the hint, and got on with the ceremony. "And the gilded Chris awards goes to Brick and Scott." Both boys caught their awards of safety. Anne Maria, Lightning, and Dakota looked at each other in confidence. "Lightning."
"About time." Lightning stated.
Both girls glared at each other, having confidence in their faces. "And the last gilded Chris goes to.
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Anne Maria."
The blonde let out a scream in shock, while Anne Maria just laughed. Lightning hugged Anne Maria, and she hugged back. They both realized what they did and looked in the opposite direction. "Wait, no, this has to be a mistake!" Dakota yelled.
"Dakota, it's time to go!" Chris announced.
"B-b-but my camera time!" The blonde cried, Chef approached behind her and tossed the girl over his shoulder. "I'll be back! You haven't seen the last of me!" Chef tossed her into the Lame-o-sine, and Chris slammed the door, having the car drive off.
/
In the recording room, Chris was standing in there with Sam. "Aww man, I was hoping to ask her out and then get rejected all season." The gamer sighed.
Chris laughed at Sam's despair. "Well, that sure does suck, but what else will eventually suck? Will Brick ever stop offering himself up for elimination? Will Mike and Zoey just give it up and make out already? Find out next time on
Total!
Drama!
Action!"
(Cue credits)
/
The scene cut to Dakota in the Lame-o-sine, tears in her eyes, but she wiped them off with her arm. "This is awful! I will surely be getting my daddy to bring me back." A voice came from off screen. "Wait, there's an after show? They'll support me, I know they will."
Remaining contestants:
Killer Grips: Jo, Mike, Zoey, B, Dawn, Sam.
Screaming Gaffers: Brick, Anne Maria, Lightning, Scott.
Votes:
Dakota 4: Anne Maria, Scott, Lightning, Brick.
Anne Maria 1: Dakota.
Elimination order:
Cameron, Staci, Dakota,
Author's note:
I gotta say, this was one of the best episodes I feel like I've written so far. Anne Maria and Dakota rivalry seemed entertaining, Scott got to cause an elimination, and LightMaria was teased, at least I think that's it's ship name. Anyway, the aftermath episode should probably be out soon, a week maybe.