Author's Note:
CAUTION:
Starting in this chapter for Beyond Two Siblings, this story will contain content that might be found triggering. This chapter and future chapters are NOT for the soft hearted, viewer discretion is advised.
If that isn't for you, then I advise you to prepare yourself mentally. Thank you very much.
What Lies Ahead
Shortly after her fun yet short lasting conversation with Lincoln, dad's voice echoed downstairs telling the entire family it was time for dinner. Everything went in a blur as she went downstairs with the rest of the family. But of course, the whole problem from earlier was still fresh in her mind. It was nice to get a little break though, after the journey down the absolute hellish put she fell on.
But then again, why was she so paranoid? Nobody knew what happened when Lincoln and her went home, right? The only news that came to pass was how they got into a scandal involving two other deadbeat boys nearly killed under their hands. Lynn shivered from the thought. Okay, saying it like that sounded wicked.
Dinner time was surprisingly great, apart from the unusual awkwardness filling the atmosphere. This time, she couldn't look at Lincoln straight in the eyes for more than a few seconds without feeling a tingly feeling inside. She wasn't sure whether it was shame or pride in ruining his purity like that despite the fact he clearly enjoyed it too, or butterflies in her stomach because hehe… he is pretty cute! And it definitely didn't feel like the strong urge to just take him down and see all the fun possibilities, but more like eeeee, I wanna cuddle with him all night but I'm too shy! She guessed it was because of his sweet texts to her earlier or from what he did right before they got caught and ended up nearly getting a beating from mom. It was sweet… and it made her heart swell. But at the same time it made her cringe to sound like this to herself. I feel so girly, it's disgusting.
Other than that, the Loud house was well… just being loud. Luan was doing her usual comedy routine again, Luna was casually drumming on the table spoon and forks like it were her drum sticks. The twins were arguing on who gets the last piece of meatballs, all the while Lily was being her cute self. Lynn didn't care, who was she pointing out every single action her family did? A camera man in Big Brother?
At this point, Lynn just hoped the day would finally end, that tomorrow will just be like other days where she can simply put on a grin and have a good laugh. Those days where she can casually just steal Lincoln's breakfast burrito and he'd never even notice the small blush creeping in her face.
As she finally finished putting on her pajamas, Lynn jumped into her bed with a long, exhausted groan. Basking in the comfort of her soft bed, the fact the lights were on didn't bother her at all.
A second shortly before Lynn could finally get some shut eye and fall into a probably short sleep, the door creaked. With a sharp and frustrated exhale, Lynn opened one eye to peek and see who it was. It was definitely who she thought it'd be.
"Hey Lynn…" Lucy started hesitantly, scratching her nape.
Lynn simply ignored her and closed her eyes, clearly telling her she just wanted to sleep.
"I just wanted to tell you that uh… mom's asking me to send you down, in the living room." The jock's eyes shot open when it was heard. "She said she wanted to talk to you." Lucy said, going to her own across just across from hers.
Lynn's heart skipped a beat. Seriously? Can't she ever just get a break?
You know what? It can wait tomorrow. Probably. She was on the edge, right about to fall off. Maybe mom would understand…?
She groaned, rolling in her bed until she laid on her stomach with her face was on the pillow. "Tell mom I'm sleeping." The words seemed muffled under of the pillow.
She couldn't see how Lucy reacted, but she was sure it wasn't good. " Mom said it was an emergency, and she needs you asap." Lynn simply groaned in exasperation. "You might wanna do what I say otherwise she might come up here herself."
Lynn huffed, getting out of bed. Just when she thought sleeping could've been the only escape.
"Fine." She mumbled out in annoyance. Even though deep inside, a small bout of fear started growing from the depths of her chest. It was definitely something to do with… what they did.
Oh well, no getting out of this one. She'll just have to learn how to take a hit.
A brief flashback of her mom with the belt prior earlier made Lynn wince. Maybe learn way too literally.
There she went, down to the living room. Lynn walked out slowly, just anticipating the moments that would come thereafter, knowing she'd miss the present when everything isn't as bad as it will be.
On the exact moment she came out of the door, the room at the end of the hall also opened. Lynn's heart started beating a little faster than it should, and it obviously wasn't because she was gonna get a total beat down from their mom.
Butterflies entered her stomach when he went out of the room. And by he, she meant the dorky, white- haired little brother of hers. He was clad in his pajamas too, and they accidentally made eye contact on his way out. Lincoln smiled sheepishly and Lynn did the same, looking away for an instance.
"You got called too, huh?" He started, going to her direction.
Lynn, control yourself! Her head told her heart, beating out of her chest as he stood just right beside her, a still feeling of awkwardness washing over them. You pounced on him from the very start you felt this way and now you're acting like this?
"Yeah." She tried to say casually, before sighing tiredly. "L-let's just get this over with."
They went down without another word, afraid that their parents would be waiting down, expecting them to be on their best behavior. The whole house was already quiet at this point. It was already night time and definitely the time to go to bed as well. Getting a free pass to talk to mom and dad past bedtime may sound like a fun time especially when they have an excuse to actually stay up late, but this… it was gonna be nothing but fun. They knew, judging by the tight vibes the moment they walked down the stairs to be greeted by a reddish, scowling mom on the couch.
"Sit." Rita said, pointing to the free side on the couch.
Uh-oh. What is it this time? For a moment, they thought mom was finally snapping into her senses with the way she repeatedly apologized earlier. Yet they knew the battle wasn't over, since there were some questions left unanswered and some stories left discontinued.
But what more did she seem to want from them? And why did it make her so mad?
Once they finally sat down on the couch, Rita stood up at the same time. Towering over them with her shadow as they get chills up their spine. The room was deathly silent for a while, something that was becoming too common today. Before it could get any more dragging however, mom cleared her throat. And they both looked up at her scowling face.
"Care to explain this ?" Her voice was so full of venom, Lincoln couldn't help but wince.
Mom reached into her robe's pocket, pulling out her phone. After a few swipes here and there, she flashed the screen at them at a distance far enough to be out of their reach.
There were things in this world that would trigger inhumane fear. Horror movies were the absolute terror in Lincoln's life and for Lynn, admitting she had flaws would really shake her core.
But what laid just right in front of them was more than just a scary scene from a violent movie or a test that would tell if you had an ego problem. It was right above the fear factor, completely breaking the charts and just going right above the meter of even the highest, most dangerous snowcap or lowest ocean trench. No matter how much they'd blink or pinch themselves into believing it's all a nightmare, there's no other way out to trick their minds into a lie when the truth is forcefully shoved in their faces
It was a video of them, in Lynn's room. Exactly right after school, just hours before they arrived home.
When getting yelled at moments prior and nearly getting molested was fearsome enough, this was just the opening of hell's gates. Their unholy sin lead their fates to this untimely shock. And the fear was real, to the point it got Lynn trembling and Lincoln struggling to breathe, their stomachs churning in the worst way. Even death seems to be the only option left to escape.
Time seemed to turn still and their eyes got glued to the screen, slack jawed and mouth agape. All the cards were placed on the table right there. Lynn and Lincoln could only watch silently as they saw themselves in that video, starting off slow in 2nd base before escalating into the full home run. In the clip mom showed, there they were, hours before the family coming home, having the time of their lives. Watching it only drowned their hearts in deeper shame, ultimate shock being the only reason why their loins aren't stirring to this audacious short porno the very person who carried them for 9 months is showing them. There was no question as to how she got this video, or why it got recorded, for their minds have devolved into nothingness as they could only listen to the powerful hypnosis the audio sent them into.
Mom harshly stopped playing the video, completely saving them from the sensation of puking out their guilt after hearing the taboo sounds of them getting a taste out of the forbidden tree just as things got more intense on the bed. "Now you see why I called you down here."
Even with her cold demeanor, mom's face clearly showed a look of disgust as she cringed.
A soft gasp was heard from Lynn yet even then, their lungs were constricted and it was hard to breathe. Lynn was grasping onto the couch like her life depended on it and Lincoln's eyes grew wide as saucers, biting his lip unconsciously as he shifted away after feeling the unbearable sensation of Lynn's body warmth radiating to his. Sweat started to fall from their foreheads despite the cold chill of the evening. The room went silent, even the faintest noise of crickets chirping died down ultimately. Lynn and Lincoln's hearts stopped for a moment as a lightning of realization struck their minds.
Yes, they were both officially caught in the act. No bribery nor lying is gonna get them out of the way this time. The act is done, and so are they.
Rita sighed, rubbing her temples with a growl. Lynn gulped and clenched her jaw while Lincoln closed his eyes, clenching his fists as they prepared for the worst.
This is the end. They both think.
"Don't get me wrong, I still believe you've been… touched in a wrong way." She looked at her daughter this time, and she glanced back, seeing the dew forming in her mom's eyes, the tightening of her fist.
"But right after accidentally stumbling upon this video, I'm starting to question every single thing that's come to pass."
Lynn couldn't even get her throat to work, the prospect of her own parents witnessing her dirty advances and their carnal act was a massive plow to the chest. She didn't know how to react, and nothing, nothing could convince her anything would get better anymore. Surely, they lost their respect for her. Nobody could deny the tremendous amount of dignity stripped of both of them.
"All this time, there was some tension around both of you ever since earlier, as if you were keeping a secret all along. Now that I've got this… it still makes me wonder, if you were- ehem- forced against your will, then why in the heck did it end up like this?" Rita gestured to what was on her phone, cringing visibly.
"Your own brother too, Lynn."
So mom had been suspicious this entire time. After all, Rita didn't raise liars. When the Louds lie, then there's always a tiny clue unconsciously creeping it's way out. But whatever mom thought before only stayed as theories, unlike now. The proof of their biggest secret has been revealed; what's supposed to be hidden in the dark is now under the heat of the sun.
Lynn cringed as well, recoiling back into the couch while fiddling her thumbs. Mm, yeah. Now she's definitely gonna get it.
"Those rebellious jerks may have fooled me once, lying to me defensively about them being completely innocent bystanders." She said in a dull tone, turning the volume down to avoid eavesdropping, nosy children. " But Lynn, Lincoln, you've not only fooled me twice, but completely twisted my mind."
They could hear the disapproval of her voice, the disappointment that slipped through her tongue.
Lincoln brought his head down low, his emotions completely battered as of today and nothing really felt real anymore. No words could describe the hope that was built up only to be broken again, lost deep inside this complicated puzzle of lies they have created.
"I suddenly remembered camera footage back at the school your principal showed me. Lynn, you weren't lying about trying to catch that boy named Chandler, and Lincoln, you weren't fooling around when you had said you were only trying to make it to class." There was a tiny weight lifted off their backs from this, having their mom finally believe them in this really sticky situation was more than giving them a breather.
But then Rita continued. "But as I saw, you ended up shoving each other into one locker, when your principal passed by. I don't know why you had to do that when you could've just simply excused yourselves. And when you both came out to run to the arcade room, I couldn't understand why." Rita fumed, her voice starting to gain spite as she pressed the bridge of her nose. Her two children backed down and curled up insecurely, so she took a breath and clenched her teeth with a growl.
There was clear buildup in her voice, and it was sure enough that this is when they'll be finished. They prepared themselves for the scolding of their life, closing their eyes and bowing down in submission, their knees unconsciously shaking in fearful anticipation of what mom was gonna say.
Just then, there was only silence. And it didn't come.
They opened their eyes again and saw the view of the world once more. Mom must've paused and took time to regain self control. Those seconds being the longest in the siblings' lives.
"It's not how you skipped classes that angers me, though. It isn't how you must've done something inside that room, no. It's what happened after you all came out that does. I can't comprehend how it started, but I do know that one of my children have been molested and the other nearly beat up two randos to death."
They had their reasons, didn't mom realize that?
"But I know, Lincoln, you only did it for protection. It's the lies, the tricks you played on everyone involved after that frustrates me." And mom stopped, probably done with her rant.
What mom just said ringed in Lynn's ears, inwardly face calming herself. Of course. She forgot she could've went the easier way out, tell Principal Ramirez they were running late because of the true reason, and get a free hall pass. But what was she to do when even the principal was under her own power? Oh Lynn, ever being the risky one. Always looking for problems to complicate things.
Lincoln took a sharp inhale listening to mom's suggestion. Irritation slowly boiled in his blood, why did Lynn have any reason to do that then? Did she merely do it because 'those lockers are a waste of space when there's no when in it'?, that's just a list of bull! There's gotta be a proper reason behind it. What more is she hiding?
Then again, Lincoln contemplated. He tapped his fingers into the couch in wonder. Maybe it was an instinctive reaction, or she saw a chance to I dunno, stay close to his body for quite some time? She was crushing on him after all. And knowing her, Lynn would be the type to dive in headfirst even when in the right state of mind. Lincoln glanced at his still but awake sister, then again, it would be ironic of him to say that about her when he himself started the entire dilemma because of he lost control of his mind.
The clock ticks as they sit there helplessly, just counting down the seconds in their minds. When would this end?
"Look. I only wanted the best for all of you. Now even if I am more than angry right now," Lincoln and Lynn flinched at their mother's hateful tone. "I won't try to do anything rash, like what you both did."
She sounds like she's trying to make us guilty. Lincoln knew. Like she actually thinks we don't feel remorse for what we've done.
"Do I need to remind you two to constantly show love for each other?" Rita inserted, earning confusion from both Lynn and Lincoln. Why did she even begin with that topic out of nowhere?
" Yet how is it that I never see Lincoln and you hang together while being genuinely happy?" Lynn turned her head to Lincoln in surprise, who was clearly trying to sink into the couch to hide himself. But he looked back to her, his eyes ridden in guilt before Lincoln turned away again.
"So y-you never actually had fun playing with me…?" She couldn't help but mumble out, cringing inwardly upon hearing her own voice crack.
Lincoln stayed quiet, proceeding to hide his own face from the world with his knees.
"When you look at it from a different perspective, Junior, it only seems like you're dragging him into what he doesn't want." Lynn's heart sank, why had nobody told her before? Why did he never even say anything? So this meant he hated her strange clues to loving him deeper… huh?
She blinked away the puddle of hot tears welling up in her eyes. No, no. Only she was to blame for being blind enough not to see it, would she even have the rights to cry for it?
"But despite that, I left you two alone knowing people show love in a lot of ways. But never have I ever seen Lincoln, let alone you, Lynn, acting affectionate towards one another. Point is, why in the world then did you end up diving into not just showing love, but actually making love?"
Lincoln felt a burn running up his cheeks again, thankful that nobody could see. Dang, why does she have to say it like that?
Nobody responded. "Answer me." Rita said.
"We… we don't know." Lynn was completely stunned, her processing become slower as she contemplated that one insult.
They couldn't see their mom's face since their eyes were starting at every direction but hers, plus she was standing, they were sitting. Clearly above their level. But somehow, Lynn could feel the daggers mom shot her.
"You don't know?" Mom chuckled sarcastically. "Oh please, Lynn. Stop acting like Luan. Surely you're aware that I'm dead serious."
Lynn just listened and bit her lip, trying so hard to let her painful words slip into the other ear.
" How about you, Lincoln? Got anything to say?" Rita spitefully queried.
Lincoln was scared, becoming the little boy he used to be.
It took a while before he finally moved his face out of the legs he hugged, yet simply glued his eyes to the coffee table in front of him, having no strength to look at anybody around. "M-mom… we're really sorry-"
She groaned in clear frustration. "Sorry isn't gonna take it back, Lincoln."
Lincoln expected that answer, and wondered why was she constantly reminding them then? What good would bringing the past up do to the future? No, but Lincoln wasn't gonna say that aloud. It didn't mean he was done. He still had a lot of things in mind to share. "I know, mom. B-but listen… what we did, it was out of an impulse. The two of us didn't know what we were doing."
"Uhuh. An impulse." Mom sounded very convinced. "An impulse, or did you completely lose you heads? You aren't even old enough to feel those things yet, Lincoln."
He wanted to retort and say ' so what? I may be 12 but I feel it mom. There's nothing I could've done.', but he clenched his teeth instead. That's only gonna cause a bigger mess.
"I-I'll admit I wasn't exactly in the right place earlier. B-but I want you to know that… whatever punishment you have for us, be free to enforce it. 'Cause in a way, we do deserve to learn a lesson." Lincoln looked up hesitantly, seeing his mom's towering figure and her lowering gaze on him.
She nodded, before tapping at her chin. "Where was this oh so self-righteous boy when all those things happened? You could've stopped your sister when you had the chance, son." Rita crossed her arms. "Then again, you're a growing boy. And from what I've recalled from my middle school days, is that boys just love anything erotic."
Lynn was heard chuckling tiredly, and he could feel a tingle run up his cheeks. "M-mom don't get the wrong idea-"
"No, save it. It's your nature anyways." Rita cut him off. "Don't think you're off the hook, though, Lincoln."
He could hug himself and chuckle in awkwardness. Sometimes, being a boy had its perks.
"It's Junior who shocks me here. You're born a girl. You're biologically a woman, Lynn. How come you're the one starting the whole thing? You were the one who dragged Lincoln into the arcade room at school, and you were the one who pulled him for a kiss. Did you feel bad for treating him badly all this time or what?" Lynn's face fell, and it was her turn to feel a tingle up her cheeks.
"Huh?"
"Uh… I-" She stammered out. How awkward would it be if she admitted the truth right here? She wasn't even that close to mom…
Her brother, unlike Lynn moments before, didn't cackle at her expense. No, instead there was a deep feeling of pity in his heart. Their gender wasn't any excuse to who has the heavier weight in whatever. Ironically, mom was the first one who taught him that and here she is, acting sexist against her own daughter.
He held his breath in, finding it too hard seeing Lynn flustered into a flushed mess. Lincoln had to say it. Like childhood Sunday school, they always told him "sin brings fear; confession brings forgiveness". What else would he lose if he said it? Other than his dignity and integrity, of course. But why worry? He won't be the only one going down anyways. It's too late to bring back the day, so whatever detail he shared wouldn't be any different.
"Mom," Lincoln broke the tension. "Don't the pin the blame on Lynn… it was actually me who started it all."
Rita's eyes went wide with surprise, not expecting this mostly rational boy to say such a thing. Then again, it could've been another lie. She didn't know who to trust. Rita switched her focus to her daughter, although the glance wasn't reciprocal.
"Lynn, is what your brother saying true?"
The jock nodded slowly, clearly trying to avoid what seemed to be the daggers her mom shot her.
"Look me in the eyes, Junior. At least tell me you're not lying somehow."
The girl wiped her face with her bare arm, before hesitatingly looking up to see mom's face. Lynn's face was red, her eyes pinkish and puffy, and upon seeing the expression mom wore, then if looks could kill she'd be limp on the spot. While no lie was planning to burst forth from her mouth, she couldn't look into her eyes longer than she needed to, finding it hard to stare at her mom's fierce gaze. "I'm serious, mom. I shoved us into the locker, I dragged us in that arcade room… and I don't wanna admit it but… he's right."
Rita exhaled a breath of disbelief, but she refused to make it clear.
"Don't even tell me the details anymore. I might just barf."
Though, it was getting too obvious that mom was just as exhausted as they were. Her voice was thick and her movements were somehow a little sloppy. It would make sense as to why she isn't yelling at them or angrily demanding answers like how she did. Then again, their mother was stern, but never aggressive nor violent. And as she said, she wouldn't do anything wrong like they did. That and because everyone's already off to bed.
"I've asked enough questions for today." She tiredly let out. "Going straight to the point, I didn't bring you down here to mainly ask for more. Whatever happened is clearly here in the video, and it doesn't need anymore explaining. I called you here to discuss your punishments."
They could only gulp, anticipating the worst.
Rita breathed a heavy inhale, getting mentally prepared to explain the bad news.
As mom explained, more wonders started to grow like bubbles in their minds. Like as she said, how in the world could they even part ways when they literally live in the same house? How are they gonna get home riding the same van without seeing each other? What are the odds of them avoiding one another's presence when they're only a single room away from each other? Was she kidding or was mom just going mad?
"There's gonna be unmentioned people watching over your every move. And remember, cameras are plastered everywhere you'll go so keep your watch out."
Lincoln went wide eyed at mom's response. Would it really be that easy though? What did she really want? To simply divide them to simply stop them from committing the same mistake, or did she merely want them to suffer the ever growing tension If seeing each other visibly yet being so far away from each other's presence? It's not like she even knows if they had feelings for one another, did she? I mean, they themselves weren't even sure if what they feel. Lynn wasn't even sure if it was small puppy love or a slow, growing burn after all these years. Plus, there's multiple scenarios in the movies they both watch when it always ends up as a one night stand with no strings attached, who's to say theirs wasn't?
"And just like the system at school, at home I've chosen some of us to check on you. None of you need to know who's who."
Mom yawned, which was somehow relieving for the two of them. Did this mean it was over with? "And right now since we don't really know what to do yet, both of you are grounded with no time limit."
Okay, that punishment isn't really so bad. A little grounding isn't something their new to-
"This means for you, Lincoln, no video games, no comics, no hanging out at Clyde's, no sleepovers with friends, no arcades and you only go out for school then come home."
He could only gasp in horror, but regretted it instantly. This had to be just a piece of the whole puzzle of the consequence, is it? There was more to it, no?
Rita turned to Lynn, who was currently looking at the carpet. " As for you, no sport practices, no games, and I'm gonna send all your equipment to the storage room along with Lincoln's things. Just like him, you'll only go out for school but come home right after. There'll be no internet use unless it's for school purposes, and finally, no TV."
Lynn could only clutch the armrest in frustration. The question still remained in her mind left unanswered, would they ever get justice for what had happened between them, Tony and Nick?
Mom could see the discomfort on her children's appearances, but her anger seemed to encage her heart, completely ignoring her conscience's pleas into being a little more lenient with them. One of them got molested after all…
But she sighed, eventually giving in to her inside voice.
"Okay, fine. Both of you can let loose a little knowing what you both went through. So I'm giving you a break every Sunday to relax and actually be free." Lynn and Lincoln perked up and smiled. "But that doesn't mean you'll be left unsupervised. There'll still be someone watching over you, and I'm adding a parental block on your gadgets too."
Better than nothing, they thought.
"That's it." Rita grumpily said. "Now go to your rooms. You still have a heavy day waiting for both of you tomorrow."
All this time, the memory of Lynn's wavering voice asking him if he didn't enjoy her company the entire time still tugged at his heart strings. Even more when he realizes he didn't even give her a proper answer.
When they were both on the stairs, Lincoln turned to find their mom was already in her room seeing her presence was gone. Not caring if the walls were thin, he reaches out to her and gets a grip on her shoulder.
"Lynn, hold on!"
She turns around as called, her face full of skepticism. "What?"
A smile of resignation crossed Lincoln's face, his hopes high for forgiveness. "L-Look, I just wanna say I'm sorry-"
His hand which was squeezing her shoulder was now forcefully yanked down by her calloused hand. Huh? Lincoln looked at Lynn, a shot of pain blew to his chest. "W-wha-"
Her eyebrows furrowed and she turned her body fully towards him, and they ended up standing face to face, their noses nearly touching. She looked straight into his soul, and he did the same. He couldn't help but not notice the new glimmer in her eyes despite the ever growing flames, her lips in a completely thin line curves down to a frown.
"Save it, Lincoln. I don't need your apology." She jabs a finger to his chest, forcing him to move backwards from the force. That tone full of hardness… like he was too blame for everything still rings loudly in his ears.
Completely leaving him in a state of shock, she spun on her heels and sped off to her room.
The door slammed shut was the thing that snapped Lincoln out of his alarmed daze. He had to blink a few times as he processed what just happened.
The way she just rudely rejected him… after everything that happened? She's just shoving him away like this, all because of something he couldn't use controlled in the past…? What was happening to her? What was happening to them?
Something told him it hurt her to do this too. Something about those eyes of hers, the same ones that used to shine with pride and glee. The way it shimmered in the light of the halls, how her voice slightly wavered as she pushed him away.
But what would he know?
He felt just as much pain too. Couldn't she tell either?
Lincoln frowned up looked down, going up the stairs to go into his own room as well dejectedly.
Didn't she care for how he'd feel?
Once he was in, all he did was flop into the mattress. Lincoln let himself bounce a little as he did, before simply staring at the 4 walls. His hands intertwined against one another before his heaving chest, his senses counting down the seconds before he could finally succumb into a restless sleep. Ignoring the dull throb of his heart desiring warmth, anything of the sorts. He needed encouragement. Lincoln wanted someone to tell him it was gonna be alright, that against all odds they'd get over this trial.
Or a hug would do… definitely.
But what's gonna happen next? Lincoln thought to himself. He knew fully well that whatever was started had to be finished and now that pain was his best friend, the question was clear enough; when would this timeless torture end?
A sniffle echoed in the room, but no tears came out of his still eyes. He could clench his eyes shut, or scrunch up his face, yet not even a little would leak out. Lincoln always thought running out of tears was an expression they'd use to exaggerate vast sorrow, wondering if it were ever really possible. But after all, this entire dilemma had finally shown him an answer.
To get everything cleared out, now he'd have no video games, no hanging out with Clyde, no freedom, no anything. Principal Ramirez probably thinks he's irresponsible now, and mom lost her trust in him. To have his entire pleasure taken away was harsh enough, but nothing could ever heal the scar in his heart where his dignity used to be.
And what about Mr. Bolhofner? He never even showed up to class, ditching it to the one way ticket to the hellhole he was in right now. There was no telling how angry his teacher is knowing his already bad record of being late, but completely missing class?
Lincoln yanked the pillow and pressed it onto his face, his loud and angry screams being completely stifled.
All the "what if's" and possible scenarios that'd happen in the near future was already attacking him on full force, and for once, he forced himself out of his thick faced exterior and punched his mattress. His mind wouldn't give him even a little break, and every terrible scene of what's happening and what's about to come endlessly echoed in his head like a broken VHS player that wouldn't shut down.
He could call help, but could anyone relieve the never ending screams of his inner conscience giving him the scolding of his life? Would anyone be able to mute out the deafening cries of the fragments of his broken heart aching to be placed back together?
There was an answer, and it was in the form of a person. But it seems like the only person left by his side- the only one he could call a friend at this point- is acting selfishly, going against him like everything was HIS fault!
Why is it that she's completely abandoning the trail they both lead themselves to? Lincoln promised he'd never leave her side, but now she's the one willing to do it first? Weren't things supposed to work oppositely? Wasn't she the older sister- the one who protects their younger siblings in need? Wasn't she the coach who carried and helped the entire team for the season so they could make it out alive? Didn't Lynn ever realize that she was the only person Lincoln had at this point? They weren't exactly the best of friends for a time, but she knew very well that they had to stick together especially at a time like this. If there was no reason other than her being offended by his lack of interest in what they used to do, then why'd she just ditch him like this now?
Lincoln turned his body around so he could stare at the dark ceiling. His breaths were steadying, his overlooked tears were subsiding. But nothing could be said the same for his own thoughts.
Mom and dad knew about what happened between them and that brute of a guy and that other dude glasses who assaulted them, shouldn't they defend them instead? Knowing what they went through as well?
Dang it. Unconsciously, Lynn was to blame for a part of this. Lincoln wouldn't wanna admit it, he doesn't even say it to himself. None of them could deny that fact. What if she didn't continue his act earlier? Where was the Lynn he knew who'd give him a straight blow to the face if ever things like this happen? It wasn't the sister he's known at all.
Going back to the time he thrusted himself into her when they were in the locker though, who was he? Lincoln always prided himself to have the most self- control out of all his sisters, clearly showing by his rare temper- which was something he was so happy of. All these years being never good as all of them had taught him to be satisfied with all the strengths he had that they didn't. But today's events, all of them, have proved him not so right.
All the twist of events told Lincoln somehow that this was God's way of telling him to be careful for what he wished for. All these years ever since that broken promise, Lincoln had been wishing, hoping, praying that Lynn would eventually make up with him and that what was broken before would be fixed. He knew it would take a miracle to change who Lynn is, and Lincoln may have not been a doubter, but for the first time in forever, after that luck incident he'd prefer not to talk about, his point of view changed. And he knew they'd never be the same again.
But somehow God must've gotten angry at him, for praying without stopping yet constantly doubting even when the Lord himself told him not to. Eventually as the doubts enveloped his mind, he stopped being faithful as well. Must this be some sort of punishment from Him? Who was Lincoln to blame? It's hard to keep pushing on when the Heavens are always silent!
They seem to have answered him now with a twist to his wish, crazy how fate works.
They're cut ties are now tied together again, which is good. But that's the problem; It's tied in thin string that's about to fall apart all the while there's something holding on to the edge of it, which could be their issue right now, dragging them down the cliff too.
He closed his eyes and took a deep, shaky breath. He was tired. Completely exhausted from the top of his cow lick, to the bottom of his toes. From the exterior flesh, to deep down his soul. The sounds of the crickets was starting to fade away, the pulsing pain of his fatigued body was starting to become numb, and like his body, he was starting to fall asleep as well. For the first time in forever, sleep would be a luxury Lincoln would grab as a one way ticket to his only cloud nine left- if his dreams would let him up and give him peace, even just for one night.
"Son?" Lincoln jumped when a voice, along with knocking was heard right behind his door. "Can I come in?"
Oh. He squeezed his pillow. It's dad… "S-sure."
"Hey son." Dad greeted, his normal happy demeanor replaced by a gloomy, energetic man trying to hide beneath an effortless façade.
The only light was coming from the hallway, so it was quite tricky for Lynn Senior to make out anything in Lincoln's room. At least it wouldn't be hard for Lincoln to conceal his tears and the soaked pillow full of shame.
Lincoln shifted, sitting up and leaning his back to the wall to give dad some space to sit.
"What is it, dad?" He clung into his pillow tightly, wishing he'd just leave him alone. Leave it for tomorrow whatever he wanted now.
Seconds later, a heavy warmth enveloped his shoulder. Taken by surprise, Lincoln looked up and though it was dark, he could still make out the features of his dad's grievous look. "I wanna talk to you about something."
Lincoln didn't want to talk, but he nodded anyways. He was weak, not strong to resist his dad's discussion. There wasn't any way of getting out of this, so why fight it? "What about?"
Funny he asks, because the topic in question was clear enough.
His dad smiled a little, but Lincoln didn't know or care as to why. It's probably to encourage him, knowing how dad is. But when the smile wasn't returned at all, that's when Lynn Senior sighed.
"Son, you're already at that age where we need to have 'the talk'." Dad awkwardly scratched his nape. "But… since you've already had um… experience, this'll mainly be just a chat. Man to man."
Lincoln nodded tiredly. Oh boy, would this be a long night.
As dad starts to explain in an awkward way what he's trying to say, even as the ever growing emptiness fills him up like water to a cup, Lincoln wonders… if today's bad enough, what would tomorrow have in store?
It was about 10 pm when Lynn entered the room, according to her phone. Lucy was still writing on her notebook, completely ignoring the presence of her roommate.
The jock didn't care for her either. All she did was shut the door closed, and headed straight to her bed and landed face first on the pillow. She wanted nothing but to curl up in a big ball of contemplation, and Lynn hated it.
The blankets were just right below her, and she roughly kicked it with her socked feet before yanking it into her hands, completely burying herself in her own little cocoon of depression and sinking into her mattress of grief, hardly breathing as the pillow blocked all her airways.
"What did mom say to you?" Lucy asked, pouring gasoline into the fire of Lynn's ever growing ire.
"Nunya business." She groaned out, not even meeting her face up off the pillow for a minute.
Then Lucy just went quiet afterwards. At least she wasn't adding up into the list of issues Lynn already had. The soft, comfy sheets had never felt so heavenly to the jock. After an entire day of strain, laying on her mattress and unloading all the pressure there was the highlight of this entire week. She clenched her eyes closed, trying to block out all her self doubts and awful memories. Think about that tomorrow, enjoy this comfy bed now. Lynn told herself.
But it wasn't easy, and in the end she found herself battling her mind for the longest time.
Knock
Knock
"Hey kids." Lynn opened her eyes and was greeted by the darkness of her blankets. What now?
There was shuffling, and Lynn could tell it was Lucy moving in her own bed. She, meanwhile, laid the completely still. Just pretend to be asleep, then everything'll be left for tomorrow.
"Oh, hi dad." She could hear her roommate greet. "What brings you here?"
Please, please don't be related to me. Lynn thought. Maybe it probably has something to do with Lucy's sleeping habits. A grin crossed her face at the thought. Yeah, hopefully.
"Um, hi kiddo! Would you mind… leaving the room again, one last time?" Her smile immediately vanished. Dang it. By the tone in his voice, this was something personal. And serious, far from his usual standards too.
"Sigh, fine. Just one last time. I need to continue that dream of Edwin and I finally marrying, just so you know." Lynn could hear her footsteps trailing away. Luce, no! You're betraying me! If only you'd stay you'd already be saving a life, come on!
It was at this point where she had her head plopped out of the blanket. Long minutes full of regretful assaulting thoughts lead her to a slow road to unconsciousness, and Lynn needed to breathe really badly after all that. But she was facing the wall, they wouldn't see her narrowed yet opened eyes, painfully sensitive to the light.
Her knees started to shake it of anxiety. Calm down, Lynn. Dad will probably just think you're asleep and it'll be all over soon-
But once a soft and delicate touch and been felt against her tense shoulder, Lynn immediately blew the cover by involuntarily jolting up unexpectedly. Shoot! Another epic fail for the day…
"Junior?" Dad's voice was syrupy and kind of… sluggish? He sounded exhausted, and Lynn could understand. She sighed inwardly, ugh. Let's just get this night over with. One last drama, right?
"Hey Junior… you awake?"
Lynn lazily sat up, rubbing her eyes. "Yeah, I am now." She said groggily, no doubt trying to pretend that she wished would've continued.
Dad was eventually given space to sit on her bed as she sat up fully, leaning against the bed frame with her pillow cushioning her back. Lynn blinked around thrice, deliberately attempting to be drowsy. If he'll see just how tired I am, would he give it a chance?
He looked into her face, and she simply continued to pretend like she was bored. Lynn didn't look back, making sure her eyelids were falling. She couldn't stand to see her dad know she had shed tears just minutes before with mom. Afraid he'd just let her take it like mom had earlier, not even pointing it out or asking if she was okay. There wasn't anything scarier than to show him that she isn't the mature teenager she's not even known to be in the first place, that she was just a little girl underneath her tough wall.
No. She was indestructible, and Lynn wanted- no, needed- to believe her disappointed parents the same.
Dad was the first to start, and he started with a heavy sigh. "LJ, I know you're tired. Okay?"
She didn't look at him. The bedsheets were the only thing in her peripheral vision. Though, she could feel his soft yet slightly wrinkly hand rest on top of hers. His warmth spread through their connected hands and Lynn had the urge to pull away. But she didn't. Somehow, she was frozen. The time had stopped, it just keeps happening over and over again. The clock loves to stretch out the hours. Probably until Lynn begs for mercy, 'til all the life of her gets sucked out.
You've disappointed me, both as a daughter and as a sister. The all too familiar sensation of her heart sinking came up all over again. Stop it! She told her own mind. Yet even though what he wanted to discuss wasn't mentioned once, the voice in her body was already battling with her heart. Despite no words said, Lynn knew this was clearly about what had happened. She didn't know how much dad knew, but she's guessing enough to lead him into big disgrace by simply looking at her.
There was a long pause, as dad was eyeing her still movements. "I understand you've went through… a lot today." She still stood still, looking down on her palm, the one dad was caressing softly with his thumb. "And I know… I'm just gonna add up to it this time."
Her other hand was turning into a fist, clenching itself in and out, trembling slightly. She wanted this to stop. Her body was screaming rest, her heart wanted to dance by itself. Lynn pulled back her hand, dad's body warmth was making her too uncomfortable.
The moment she did though, her heart was immediately immersed in regret. She noticed his taken back reaction. It was too late… what could she do?
Something was odd about this whole set up, though. Earlier, mom was angrily berating them and now… dad's just here casually coming across as trying to help her. Does mom even know this is happening?
"Hey dad, where's mom?" She asked, glancing at his face. Was it her or did he look much older than yesterday?
Lynn Senior looked to the side, putting the hand he held her with back to his thigh. "Well… she's mad at you. And Lincoln."
She shrinks back, of course she'd still be upset. All because of them. The sensation of her heart sinking to her stomach wasn't long lived, since dad must've noticed. "Hey sweetie, it's alright. I'm here." He said reassuringly, which did little to calm her nerves. Oh dad, always the peacemaker.
Right after that small assurance, dad and her had a talk. Probably the most painfully awkward, strangest conversation ever. To start it off, there was a new odor in the room ever since dad came in. Lynn could smell it on his person, and knew his dad never wore perfume unless for a special occasion. This wasn't just a cheap cologne from the supermarket though, nor was it luxurious perfume from overseas he got from friends… this smell was different. The same one that'd burn her nose whenever a football game would come up at the middle school and the high school boys would join in the audience.
"Dad…" Lynn started, finally looking up at him. "Did you… drink?"
He looked away with something that looked like shame, though it wasn't helping him hide the obvious secret already. "Y-yes, I did. But just a single bottle."
Lynn gasped, asking him as to why. Dad never drank before! He wasn't the most masculine man out there, but it was more of a blessing than anything else since it meant he never entered most vices men had. After 18 years of dealing with under pressure from jobs that barely had any sustenance to begin with, plus dealing with too many kids, only now is he doing it that their lives have gotten better? W-what could've triggered him?
"Kiddo, don't worry about it. It's not something you should know." He shook it off. Lynn already a nagging gut sensation that this was because of them. Because of her.
She curled up into a ball, believing that maybe the bed could help her out and sink her into disappearing, screw what she said about Lincoln's magic. Dad knew she was guilty, he knew she was remorseful, hurt, completely regretful of her actions. What more would he ask from her then?
"To start this off… yes. I've seen that video on what happened in your room. Just right after dinner." Dad coughed awkwardly, and she hugged herself tighter. A whine escaped her lips. She was sweating, clutching her legs much harder. But she was as cold as this day could be. How much embarrassment should she have to deal with today? The nagging thought of dad getting a glimpse of her in the nude… with Lincoln in his birthday suit as well playing mixed wrestling just didn't sit right with her. There wasn't anything she could say about it either, but that didn't mean the pain of wanting to sink deep into a dark void of nothingness came to pass.
There were so much questions dad had asked her. Lynn must've thought it was because they already had a formed bond, so would it really be that bad? The question that must've formed in his head was so wrong, because the entire time they were talking about her opinions, reasons, reactions to what happened, the two had not shared even a little bit of contact. Mainly because Lynn kept her space, and dad respected it.
The wonders her dad asked her started off like a trip on a steady road. Dad went from asking the real story, without any sugar coating. And like that, she had repeated the entire story like a broken recorder, no use in lying anyways when the light has exposed her. Her fatigue was clearly taking a toll on her, and dad could see she was being genuine this time. He'd just nod while she'd have the stage, rushing it to just finish it.
"So you shoved him in the locker with you?" Dad repeated the story, and she simply nodded. "W-why? I get that Principal Ramirez would interrogate you as to why you and Lincoln are roaming around the halls but you're the hall monitor, Junior. It's not like she'll punish you for something valid."
Lynn looked at Lucy's bed, as if it was gonna give her some sort of magic answer to cut his curiosity. The gears in her mind were frustratingly not cooperating, and her tired figure was already on the verge of falling asleep. Dad had a point there, but honestly… "I don't know why I did it either"
"What do you mean 'you don't know why', LJ?" He began with a much harsher tone, causing her to flinch. "Sorry. I mean, weren't you using your head?"
It sounded like an insult more than a serious question, and coming from her favorite parent, it had sunk her heart deeply. She was stupid. At least if Leni is like her, she makes up for it by being super nice. What about her? She was nothing more than just a piece of- "I-I guess it was an instinctive move." Lynn explained.
"Hm?"
Lynn looked at the carpeted floor, her socket feet fidgeting with anxiety. She found the reason why. She finally remembered why. But there was a small bout of hesitation in her actions, should she really reveal what's been hiding for the longest time? To dad too out of all people? "I was scared, okay?"
"Scared? For what reason though? It's not like you did something wrong. Did you?"
Too late to come back now. Lynn sighed, preparing everything she was about to say. "Chandler got away… I'd be a failure to her. To the school, if they caught Lincoln late too."
After all that mental preparation, it still couldn't prevent the tone in her voice to waver. It didn't stop the way her chin trembled slightly either. But at least, there was an unreleased weight on her shoulders finally gone. She could physically feel it.
Dad telling her with his syrup, soft voice that it wasn't her fault for Chandler escaping her grasp, especially since it was only an accident that she had bumped into her brother wasn't really helping her out a lot. Instead, it sunk deeper into her depths, her mind twisted the words and it was interpreted in a different way to Lynn.
He's only saying that as a white lie. You know he's bluffing.
Eventually, it was driving down a mountain. The curiosity he had, it was getting below the belt. Then it had escalated into why she had pounced herself on Lincoln the way she did.
Now this… this was the most painful part. The one she wanted to avoid the most. If only there was a way to literally run from such a statement, Lynn would be the winner of that race. She was hesitating for the longest time, fidgeting as her position had changed and she was sitting Indian style on the bed. Her eyes were glued to the wall in front of her, the gears in her mind finding what to say. Thinking was never her strongest suit, and of course, looking for an ideal answer for dad was a lost cause. Just like she was.
Then the pressure came. He insisted. A bloodsucker digging in all the blood of their captive. Asking things a father wouldn't normally do to their teenage daughter. Telling her the wonders of self exploration, but reminding her to have go beyond it- even if it were too late.
And she didn't wanna reveal the real reason, who cares if it's as clear as day?
Unconsciously, everybody's blaming her. She's the older sister, the one with much more control. Why did she have to jump into the trap and drag this innocent boy in too?
Oh but believe her! She never wanted to feel the way she did. But heck she did. It would've been easier if he wasn't her brother- no. He's not to blame for his own birth rights. It's her heart's fault for beating for the wrong person!
How many times would she tell that darn thing it was going to the wrong court, but it would never listen!
"Come on, Junior. Don't you trust me?"
No chance running off. She glanced at his waiting face. Lynn took a quick look at his eyes, so full of curiosity and pity. There wasn't any trace of deceit or anger but…
"B-but…" She stammered out aloud.
"But what, LJ?"
She was shaking from the cold, her lungs were struggling to collect air, yet droplets of sweat dripped from her forehead. Lynn didn't wanna say it… her throat was constricted, so tightly she wanted to whimper in choked cries. Her palms started to tremble more every minute, and her eyes stung with those damned tears.
But she closed her eyes instead. He couldn't let her see her vulnerable, pink eyes puffing with more weight than she already had to deal with. Trying to slow down her breaths, quieting down her potential sobs. His heavy hand on her shoulder was weighing her down even worse, pressuring her as the seconds go by, and she stilled herself to make it less obvious. You've already broken down once, you big baby. Don't do it again. You don't wanna disappoint him even more.
"N-nevermind."
Even when Junior was resisting every temptation to just let it all out then and there, the Senior wasn't. Right then, he sniffled and wiped his nose with his pajamas' sleeve.
"All these years… I've always thought I was a good father."
Lynn frowned, crossing her arms and leaning her back on the pillow standing against her bed head. Not even a single moment did she ever look up to his direction, and yes. It gave her neck pain, but she'd rather take this than more heart ache seeing the poor man's grieving face.
Sobs softly came out of his mouth. "A-all of you…" He choked out. "From Lori to L-Lily… every one of you make me so proud to be a dad."
No, he's starting a sob story again… why is he trying to hit her in the feels!
His movements were sober, ironic for a drunk man. He pulled out a finger and grabbed Lynn Junior's chin, forcing her to face him. "You understand that you aren't the only one in pain. Do you, LJ?"
Lynn could only helplessly look at dad in the eyes, the shattered view of the open door to his soul looking into hers. 3 seconds of staring, and Lynn couldn't take it. She forced her head out of his fingers with a sharp exhale.
There was too much pressure. It was too heavy here. The weight she thought was off her shoulders for one day was back, and she hated it. Lynn needed rest. She needed a big escape. She wanted it, desperately. It was like a big itch she couldn't scratch, and she needed it now.
She jolted up. What a wimp, you can't take any more pity stories? You are much weaker than we thought! The voice was back, it hadn't been there for the longest time. But now it was, and she needed to get rid of it too.
The door was only a few steps away, so Lynn yanked the handle of it- nearly breaking it in the process- and ran out.
"I failed as a father, Junior. You hear me?" He cries out and Lynn could still hear his echo through these thin walls. "I'm sorry, okay? Stop acting like this and tell me what's really wrong!"
It must've been the alcohol hitting him in full force by now. He didn't act like that moments prior.
The bathroom was where she went, looking to her own reflection. The girl who looked back at her… the same one with the messy hair, dark bags underneath her eyes, sporting a pout with a trembling chin… it wasn't her.
She clenched her first, her teeth grinding against one another. Her blood boiling at her disheveled appearance at the twist of events.
But there wasn't any denying that, no matter how much Lynn wanted to believe it, that this girl with the same brunette hair, the same polka dot freckles, the same everything- is HER.
She yanked at her hair with a heavy growl and slammed her head hard on the sink. Her blood rushed rapidly, her pressure going up beyond normal.
No, no, no! Lynn bit her lip furiously to stifle the sobs, angry at everything. Angry at how disappointing she was to the school, to her parents, to her siblings… to Lincoln.
Snap out of it, Lynn! She drew her head backup to face herself in the mirror, looking deep into her red eyes. Look at you!
The video mom showed them played back in her mind.
You aren't just a failure of a sister, you're also a whore!
Her stomach twisted as the words came. She could see her eyes grow with boiling heat every minute.
Lincoln will never see you the same again! How would it feel to be seen as a SLUT in front of the people you love most, huh!
Tears were rapidly flowing freely, and she forcefully wiped them away, refusing to cry like this. You don't deserve to grieve. All of this is YOUR doing.
She gave herself a slap as she told herself that.
"I never meant for this to happen."
If only she could block away everything that happened up to now, completely ignoring the facts spoken to her moments prior. That is, if her brain would even let her up.
"I just wanted him to be with me again."
The sensation of cold water splashed unto her face burned more than fire ever could. Her already cold temperature was working against the icy waters dripping down her face, and Lynn shivered. It worked well. The pain of her freezing face was making her forget all the events from earlier. She panted, trying to calm her panicked breaths down. Each exhale she took was accompanied with a small growl. Yes, she cherished the feeling.
She took a peek at the outside, and saw Lucy helping dad back into his room. He was probably either too drunk or too blinded by grief to even see the stairs properly. Good. She's free to come back.
When she finally reached her already messed up bed, she plopped onto it and started at the ceiling Why is it that every time she rests her body, this mind of hers works on all the things she wants to avoid, playing it before her thought's eye like a TV screen she can't shut off.
And just like before, Lynn found it an impossible mission to hold in the scorching hot tears that were already spilling from her eyes, the ones she thought she was done shedding. Just like that, knowing Lucy wouldn't see, she gave in to what she felt. The pillow became her crying shoulder for just one night.
Stinging rivers of pain freely flowed its way down, soaking itself onto the fluffy comforter she shoved her face on. What happened to the tough and rowdy Lynn Loud Junior everyone thought of her? The soaked pillow and her muffled sobs were enough proof, that she isn't who she is on the outside.
If only things were a teeny bit different, and she would've rejected Lincoln's offer to open up a few years back, would it change the way she feels with him now? Could it have stopped her from falling in love with his misunderstood advances towards her when they were younger and just entering the midst of puberty?
She can't lie, Lincoln was scrawny, weak and kinda nerdy. If she had to list out every type she'd be easily attracted to, he wouldn't even be in the list. What happened years ago wasn't something she had control over. Right after hearing Lincoln's sweet encouragement, younger Lynn had went into her room and thought it over as she changed into her usual jersey. Ignoring all his weaknesses, he was a good leader, an amazing coach, and most especially… a great brother.
It was then some strange arrow struck her heart, and ever since, these strange feelings overwhelmed her whenever he's around. It must've been the trigger. She was vulnerable around that time, with nobody to turn to. But just when this charismatic, cute boy she's so blessed to call her bro comes in, Lynn immediately let herself fall into his hands out of trust. Sadly, the didn't anticipate her heart to join in too.
So that was the start of their distance; she couldn't even talk to him without her heart rapidly beating against her ribs, her hands becoming shaky and her knees become weak. It wasn't good for her to feel like this, and Lynn knew it. So at those times, she had to painfully endure Lincoln constantly needing her attention yet always having to reject it. Nothing gave her more pain than having to say no to her little brother, but she'd rather have it at that than forcefully have him hate her if he found out what she was hiding.
And that's why she fully engrossed herself in sport to distract herself from the taboo feelings and to become stronger. Because the more her love grew for him, the more she'd hate herself. Every single time, she remembers Lincoln's encouragement and gets up whenever she fails. She couldn't lie, as they got older, the feelings only got stronger.
Come to think of it, why think about that when what's done is done?
There's no point in even trying to change that. Unless she can get Lisa to make a time machine, but what're the odds she'd succeed? And who knows, they'd probably already move on from whatever happened by that time.
Who was she kidding though, how even could they ever get past this?
Just like that, all the false hopes raised up after the idealization of things potentially getting better again came to struck Lynn for the last time, and as quickly as it sparked, it was gone. Like a spirit that just passed through her body. For the entire time, Lynn hid herself in the thick blanket, it being the only thing hugging her. Even if the heat of the thick fabric couldn't compete with the warmth she had felt with Lincoln. Letting herself get suffocated by the pillow and the lack of oxygen, wishing it would just take her out even just for one day. All the stress and under pressure was sure to keep her awake for the longest time. Her breaths came out in heavy gasps, wracking on her muffled sobs.
It was a petty sight. If it weren't for the fact there was cushion wiping her every drop of sadness, every flow of fluid coming out when she failed to sniffle, it would've been messy with how her face was scrunched up for such a long time. It was hurting her, not just emotionally, to force herself to quiet down as best as she could. There wasn't anything she could do but bite against the cloth of her pillow, for it was the only way to suppress her unheard yells for mercy and compassion. Whining in silence as only the sheets were to hear, wishing for a miracle to descend.
In her 14 years of living, never had she cried so much. Never did such a day give her so much ecstasy, yet so much anguish. Lynn had no idea you could feel so much pain that you'd feel like your dying. It came to the point no words could describe the throbbing in her heart, seconds felt longer than a day and it was agony.
And all the while she clutched the fluffy pillow. Squeezing it so, maybe it she thought had enough…this was Lincoln. He's the one sacrificing his favorite orange polo just to let her hurt openly, crawling her in his arms while whispering sweet nothings that's like honey dew on a summer day to her ears. That this heat she felt right now was shared with him, just as they did when they embraced long enough to nearly become one just through it. Her sweat, the smell of the same air being breathed in and out over and over again and the gross sensation of wetness against her face with only the sounds of crickets broke her away from those far away fantasies though.
Sigh. So near, just a few rooms away. Lynn thought. Yet so far away…
What went from just simple admiration turned into full blown daydreaming, and when she reached 13, then it would just constantly haunt her along with puberty. It was that time when even weirder urges came in, and she didn't just admire him. She wanted him. Wanting to just possessively claw at him and claim him to be hers. That's why she gave constantly wanted him spar with her, and when it gets awkward, then it means plus points for her!
The tears soaking up the soft pillow had stopped flowing at this point when her head wandered as she reminisced through those sweet times. A smile crossed her teary face with that in mind. This grin wasn't her usual, confident, proud one nor her smirk whenever she plays against the one rival she so loves to defeat, it isn't even the blissful smile she has when winning the biggest trophy in the entire school. It was just a small, goofy smile that came from fantasies of old memories. Yet it was the most self-gratifying and satisfying one she's ever had.
Indeed, she craved him. Lynn wanted him to hold her again. It didn't matter whether what shouldn't have happened did again, or if they're playing a contact sport. Lincoln was her medicine. Her happy pill. She was an addict, always wanting him. Constantly wanting more. His smell, his touch, his voice… it drove her crazy.
But her smile was short-lived. All at once, she was angry. Not just at him, but also at herself. It wasn't his fault for her being so aggressive… but her insecurities, her big time failures, the memories of her doubts and faults and the broken hearted sensation came rushing back into her body like a shot of ecstasy. She wanted to defend herself. He was to blame for disliking her games because he's lame. Her mind told her.
Yet every thought vanishes as the unforgettable snapshot of Lincoln's remorseful look asking for forgiveness comes too. All this time of wishing the events of today would happen, just for this to be the end? It was like Romeo and Juliet, which ended up more tragic than it should've.
All in the name of love too.
Eventually, the door was opened and Lynn was sure it was Lucy who came in. Lynn had not acknowledged her even once, and no she doesn't care either. How could she when she doesn't have energy to even move?
"Lynn, you wanna listen to my poem?" No reply. No, duh. I want shut eye. Don't you see through those bangs of yours, Luce?
And being the immature goth wannabe she is, Lucy reads it anyways.
"One Moment's Consequence
' Separated by time, grew a desire to love.
Yet purity was there, it was white as a dove.
Until an entity of deceit came rushing in,
And their barriers were crushed by their carnal sin.
So close, they seemed to be.
But the beauty of their taboo, only the walls are to see.
Yet discoveries spread and it was made known.
Their prides now dead and their shames have shown.
Now they have to face the consequence,
Until they run out of courage and diligence.
After all, what is one moment of intimacy
In an eternity full of hostility, living hopelessly?"
Lynn wants to ignore it. She really does. So she closes her eyes, but for some reason she couldn't help it and meditated on the words.
Her eyes suddenly open wide again. Who's this poem targeted to...?
She shot up and looked at Lucy, stammering words she couldn't speak, only for her younger sister to pull out a Cheshire cat's grin as she held her hand on the switch.
Then with a small click, the lights were shut off.
As Lynn sat there in the dark, she realized tonight would be the night where, instead of crashing down on her mattress and immediately going to sleep, she'd be laying there, reduced into a jittery mess. Until the dawn, still allowing her dark thoughts wander in her restless mind.
Wondering what lies ahead...