Hiya all, I'm back!

I just wanted to write a quick author note to let you all know where I'm planning on taking this story. Basically, historically accurate. While I love the seasons 2-7 of the show, it just doesn't hold the charm of season 1. I know its hallmark, they're not historically accurate but for my story I want to try and keep it as realistic as possible. I don't imagine that they'd have gotten electricity out in the middle of nowhere in 1911 (season 2) so I'm going to rewrite the unrealistic aspects to the show to suit the time period. I honestly wish they'd kept the same aspects of the show that they had in season 1, in my opinion it was the best season. Fans loved it. Then they decided to change it to the kind of show we have now. While I know the reasons behind why they've done the show the way they have (ie interviews with Brian Bird) I'm choosing to write a more accurate historical western version of our beloved show.

Another thing I want to touch on is the element of a belief in God. I really wish that they'd kept the same tone of a belief in God that they had in the early seasons. I'm not knocking the show in saying this, but in honesty, this was what drew me to the show. I know they want to make it friendly for all kinds of people but for me I'm choosing to go along with the undertones of season 1. My all-time favorite quote from the show is 'where God guides, God provides' its been a huge help for me in my own spiritual walk and I hope that my writing will touch someone's life just as the early seasons of the show touched mine.

This part of the story isn't sunshine and roses, I will include a trigger warning right here for Suicide. If this is a trigger for you, you may want to not read the end of the chapter after Joanna leaves Abigail and Elizabeth. I promise it will get better for Joanna latter on in the story but I wanted to bring through the undertone of how a child would feel going through a tragedy like was written in Season 1. I've done a lot of research about the time period of 1910, and it was darn hard. Orphanages were not a place you wanted to be, they weren't sunshine and roses like When Hope Calls brings across. That's not to say that there weren't good people in these places, but as a whole, it was somewhere you didn't want to be. Children that had been through these places had a hard life. Most of them had a degree of mental abuse, a lot were physically abused and some sexually. Unfortunately that's a hard fact of history to swallow, and it's part of the basis for why Joanna is so absolutely terrified of going back to an orphanage. Joanna was both mentally and physically abused but I wont be writing anything about sexual abuse. It's not my thing and I don't think I need to use that element to bring across the POV that I want to achieve through Joanna's past. I want people to understand how hard it must have been for a child who had no one, luckily I have a good family but there's been times in my life when I've went through periods of time that I draw on to bring my Joanna to life. Life is hard, there's no doubt about it. I've just gone through the first Christmas without my Grandmother (She passed in July this year) and some aspects of this story are drawn from my emotions during this time.

This work is purely fiction, some things here and there are taken from my life but most of it is fictional.

I really hope you all enjoy, I probably won't be able to update on a regular basis but I will try and update from time to time. Anyway, enjoy!

Chapter 2

Joanna was brushing Aztec down a couple days later, soberly running the brush over his fur. There was no joy in her movements, no joy expressed in any way. She was sad, she was anxious. She'd retreated back into her shell. She missed the girl she used to be, the life she used to have.

'How are you doing?'

'I'm alright.' She replied as Abigail came up beside her and gave the stallion a pat. She sniffled, reaching up to brush his neck. 'I'll be okay.'

'You haven't eaten anything proper for days, I'm worried about you.'

'Just don't want to eat is all.'

'You know you have to eat something-'

'I don't want to!' Joanna exclaimed with force. 'Please, just leave it be Mrs. Stanton.'

Abigail sighed, placing her hand on the girls shoulder. 'Honey, I know its hard, I know your upset but please darling, starving yourself isn't going to help you.'

Tears slipped down her face. 'What if I don't want to live? I-I can't keep going like this. They were all I had-'

'Oh sweetheart-' She took the girl into her arms, embracing her tightly. 'It's going to be alright. It'll be alright.'

Joanna held onto her, her face in the woman's shoulder as she cried. There were no words to express how she was feeling, how broken and empty she felt. Her family had been her entire world. Her whole life. What did she have now? Nothing. Nothing at all. Nothing left except and empty and broken heart.

The woman's heart went out to the girl, she knew how she felt. She had nothing either, her whole life had been her family too and now she had nothing. The only thing that kept her going each day was the child in her arms. The child had to be looked after, cared for. Her heart broke as the girl continued sobbing. She wished she could take her pain away, she wished she could make everything right again for the girl but there was nothing she could do. She felt so hopeless, holding the poor child as she broke in her arms. It made sense now why the girl hadn't wanted to eat, she was trying to starve herself from her grief. 'It'll be alright honey, it'll be okay.' She tried consoling her again, resting her cheek against the girls head. 'You're going to be alright.'

Finally the girl stopped crying again, her head against the woman's shoulder. She was exhausted, so utterly tired of everything. She just wanted it all to end. She wanted to die. The stallion nudged her gently, knickering softly and she wiped her eyes as she looked back at him. 'I better finish grooming him.'

'Alright honey.' Abigail let her go, watching the girl as she started brushing the horse again. Help me Lord to help her. She prayed. The poor girl was so hurting, so broken. What if she did really want to die? Would she go that far? Lord, please give me wisdom and strength. Please heal Joanna's broken heart and let her know your presence. 'I have to go into town sweetheart for some supplies, I want you to come in with me.'

'I don't want to come.'

'Honey, I'm not asking you-' She started gently but firmly. 'I'm telling you. Why don't you get Aztec tacked up and you can ride him to town.'

Joanna nodded after a moment, giving in. 'Alright.'

'Good girl.' She smiled warmly, her hand going to the girls shoulder. 'I'll meet you out the front in five minuets.'

The girl nodded again as the woman walked back into the house, her head resting against her stallion's shoulder. 'Oh Aztec. Why? Why did this happen?' The stallion knickered softly, nudging her as she hugged him then she grabbed his bridle and exchanged it for his halter. Aztec allowed himself to be bridled then swung around so the girl could placed his saddle blanket and saddle on. She patted his shoulder as she did the cinch up then grabbed his reins and led him around to the front of the row house. Abigail was there, waiting for her with her shopping basket in hand. She sighed, placing the reins up over the stallion's neck. 'I'm ready.'

Abigail smiled as they started down the road towards the town, the girl mounted on her black stallion. 'How would you like a little treat?'

She shrugged. 'Like what?'

'Whatever you like. How about some licorice?'

'I guess.'

'Okay then.' Even though it wasn't the best thing for her to eat if she could at least tempt the girl into eating something it was a small step in the right direction. They walked on in silence, the sound of the stallion's hooves on the road the only thing they could hear. She glanced up at the girl, Joanna sitting up tall in the saddle but she could see the pain and grief in her eyes. How could she help her when she herself was so broken?

They entered town, heading to the general store and Joanna dismounted then tied her stallion up as Abigail waited for her. They headed up the stairs, Abigail nodding to one of the other women they passed as she came out of the store then they went in.

'Morning Abigail.' Cat smiled, her basket in hand as Abigail and the girl walked in. 'How are you Joanna?'

'I'm fine, thank you.' Joanna smiled shyly, hiding behind Abigail.

'Why don't you go have a look around while I grab what we need, alright?' Abigail asked softly and the girl nodded. She sighed after the girl had gone behind a rack of shelves, turning back to Florence and Cat. 'I just don't know what to do with her.'

'I think she should just go to an orphanage-' Florence started. 'They'll know how to help her.'

'Florence.' Cat sighed then looked back at Abigail. 'How is Joanna doing?'

'Not well. I don't know how to get through to her-' She handed Ned the list of things she needed then turned back to their conversation. 'She's hurting so much, everyday she retreats further and further inside herself. She won't eat. I can't coax her to eat and she hasn't eaten a square meal for weeks. I'm worried about her.'

'Yeah.' She glanced over at the girl who was looking at a catalogue across the room. 'You'll find a way to get through to her Abigail.'

'I hope so, she's such a nice girl.' Abigail smiled sadly watching the girl. 'She did open up to me a little the other day, about her childhood. Her birth mother gave her up, she lived in an orphanage until she was eight then she was adopted. Her adoptive mother died a couple years back, Joanna took care of her until she died. She's already been through so much.'

'Poor child.'

'That'll be fifty-six cents Mrs. Stanton' Ned exclaimed after he'd added up her bill.

'Can you add a couple licorice sticks too?' He nodded and went to grab them as she got out her purse. 'Joanna, we're almost ready to go.'

'Coming.' She closed the catalogue up, placing it back on the stack then joined the woman at the counter.

'Find anything interesting?'

'Couple nice dresses, nice saddles too. Edward was going to get me one for Sugar-' Her eyes went misty and she looked down at the counter. 'But it never happened. I guess I should be thankful for what I have though, at least I have Aztec.'

Abigail smiled kindly, placing her hand on the girls shoulder as Ned returned and added a small bag to the basket. 'Thank you Ned.'

'No problem. Fifty seven cents.'

She grabbed out the correct change and handed it to him then picked up the basket. 'Have a nice day.'

The door opened, a young woman walking in. She glanced around nervously, her hair and dress a mess. 'Hello-' The women turned to her, staring at her. 'I'm Elizabeth Thatcher, the new teacher.'

'Well hello.' Abigail started, Joanna staying close beside her as she looked nervously at the stranger. 'I'm Abigail Stanton and this is Joanna-' She glanced at Cat.

'Cat Montgomery.'

'Florence Blakely.' Florence introduced herself. 'We were expecting you two days ago.'

'Yes, I'm sorry. The stage coach was robbed and my belonging's stolen. I traveled by foot for hours before I was rescued.'

'Are you alright?' Abigail asked, concerned.

'Yes, I'm fine. Thank you.'

'Why don't we go somewhere we can all sit down and have a nice chat.' The girl clung to her like glue, shyly looking at the woman from around behind her and she placed her arm reassuringly around the girl. 'Follow me, Miss Thatcher.'

'Thank you.'

The girl stayed close by Abigail as they walked out of the general store, heading towards the saloon. She glanced at the new woman, admiring her fancy dress from a distance. Abigail was saying something to Elizabeth as they crossed the street but she wasn't paying attention to their conversation. She was much too scared to think about that. If the new teacher was here, did that mean she had to go to school? She hated school. Back in the orphanage, the teacher used to hit the students with a cane if they didn't learn their work quick enough. What if this teacher was just like him?

'This teaching post is one of the only things the Pacific North-west mining company no longer owns-' Abigail continued as they walked into the saloon. 'We mothers decided to take charge of our children's education.' She pulled out a chair for herself as the others came to the table. 'Please, sit down. So, we mothers decided to start a school. Unfortunately, the church burned and the class room is currently located here in the saloon.'

'The-' Elizabeth looked around, seeing a chalkboard and teachers desk at the head of the room. 'The school is in the saloon?'

'It's the only place big enough to hold out children, Miss Thatcher.' Cat explained after a moment. 'We had requested a mature, experienced teacher, someone who would not shrink from the challenges Coal Valley presents.'

'I realize I'm perhaps not what you expected but I assure you I am acquainted with the most modern teaching theories.'

'The superintendent of schools did tell you what happened here?' Abigail asked after a moment, Joanna sitting so quietly beside her she'd almost forgotten the girl was with them.

Elizabeth looked at the women, wondering what she was talking about. 'No, he didn't.'

She sighed. 'Three months ago, there was a terrible explosion in the mine. Forty-seven brave men lost their lives and many of us lost our husbands and our sons-' The girl sniffled and she placed her arm around her before she continued. 'Many of the children became fatherless that day.'

'I'm so sorry, I didn't realize.'

'What she's saying is that we don't have any need for a-' Florence started after a moment. 'A princess.'

'I assure you I am not a-'

'It would be the mothers who are paying your salary.' Cat continued. 'For many of us our children are the only thing we have left and well, their education is all that we have control over so whomever we entrust them too must be fearless. You would not just be teaching them to read and write, you will be fighting for their future.'

'ipsa scientia potestas est. In Latin that means 'knowledge itself is power.'

'You need to get back on the stagecoach and go back to Latin or wherever it is you come from.' Florence exclaimed.

'Please, just-' Elizabeth protested. 'I've come so far. Just give me a chance to prove myself to you.'

'Well, it will take the stagecoach one week to return-' Abigail looked at the other two women. 'We could give her a short try. In the meantime there's the teacherage where you can stay and get settled.'

'Thank you. Thank you so much.' Abigail smiled at her. 'I promise I am not afraid of rolling up my sleeves and-' A noise on the floor caught her attention and she screamed as she saw a rat running across the wooden floorboards.

The girl jumped, glancing at what had startled her. It was only a rat. Her heart was racing though from the woman's scream. She'd scared her something good.

'Sorry, I'm sorry-' Elizabeth apologized, seeing the look on their faces. 'Vermin and I are not usually on such friendly terms.'

'One week is going to be a long time.' Florence raised her eyebrows.

Abigail sighed inwardly then got up after a moment. 'You must be tired Elizabeth, why don't Joanna and I show you to your quarters?'

'Thank you.' She nodded, standing up and followed her and the girl out of the saloon.

'I'll go get Aztec.' Joanna whispered softly to Abigail and the woman nodded, the girl hurrying over to where her stallion was tied.

'Your daughter seems like a nice girl.' Elizabeth tried to make conversation as they waited for the girl to join them again.

'I'm afraid Joanna is not my daughter.' Abigail sighed, watching the girl mount her horse. 'Her family came here three months before the accident, her father and brother. They were both killed in the mine.'

'Oh that's terrible. Does she have any other family?'

She shook her head with a sober expression on her face. 'No, Joanna was from an orphanage, she was adopted. I've been looking after her since the disaster but she keeps withdrawing further and further. I don't know how to help her. I hope maybe-' She paused then shook her head. No. It was just silly. 'Never mind.'

Elizabeth couldn't think of anything to say as the girl rode over to them and they started down the road. It was dawning on her just how much of a challenge she had taken on, she hadn't realized that most of the children in the town were fatherless or even orphaned as in Joanna's case. What had she gotten herself into? She was in way over her head, she'd never been through anything like this.'

'We've just got to duck past my home to drop these groceries off and then we'll take you to the teacherage.' Abigail exclaimed when they were a little way out of town. 'Where do you come from Miss Thatcher?'

'Hamilton.'

'That's quite a long way, you've had a long trip then.'

She nodded. 'I haven't been this far from home before, it's a little unnerving-'

Joanna patted Aztec's shoulder, turning out from their conversation. What if Abigail made her go to school? What if this woman was like the other teachers back at the orphanage schools? She didn't need to go to school, did she? She'd done just fine on her own, Miranda had taught her up until she died and she'd taught herself a few things when she'd had the time in between helping on the ranch and then keeping house for her father and brother when they'd come to Coal Valley. She didn't need to go to school, no, she wouldn't be going.'

'Excuse me for one moment-' Abigail exclaimed as they reached her house and Elizabeth and the girl stopped outside. 'I won't be long.'

Elizabeth looked up at the girl as Abigail went inside, the girl's face tired and expressionless. 'Joanna, wasn't it?' The girl nodded, running her fingers through her horse's mane. 'Nice horse that you have. What's his name?'

'Aztec.' The girl replied after a moment, her voice barely a whisper. 'He was my father's horse.'

'That's a nice name.' The horse went to sniff her and she cautiously took a step back. 'What grade are you in school Joanna?'

'I made it to the second in school, my mother taught me till fourth and the rest I've taught myself.'

'Alright-' Abigail walked back out, closing the door behind her. 'We'll head to the teacherage now Miss Thatcher. I'm sure you're anxious to get settled.'

'Yes, thank you.'

'Why don't you ride ahead Joanna?' She asked after they'd been walking for sometime. 'Give Aztec a good run.'

'Suppose I might as well. Come on boy.' Joanna nudged him gently with her heels and Aztec jumped into a canter, eager to run as they headed down the trail. The sound of the trees and the birds calling were taken away by the wind as the girl urged the horse on faster, tears starting to run down her cheeks as the memories came back. There was one teacher, just before she'd been adopted that had seemed to have taken a special interest in her, he used to give out punishments to the other students but she was the one who received the most. It didn't help that she had been given the reputation of being headstrong and rebellious, the head mistress had given that label to her after she'd stood up for one of the younger children who'd been treated unfairly. She'd stopped the child being beaten by the headmaster, but he'd started to beat her instead-

She urged the horse on, racing past the teacherage and on into the forest, trying to escape the memoires in her mind. She was scared, she was frightened. Who could blame her? After all she'd been through. More tears ran down her cheeks, her eyes stinging from the wind blowing in her eyes. Why did this all have to happen? Why?

The stallion came to a stop suddenly, the girl almost getting thrown over his neck but she caught herself in time. She wiped her tears away, looking around. They were at the top of a cliff, the girl dismounting as she walked to the edge. It was a long, long way down. It would be so easy, so easy to jump. To end everything. She inched closer to the edge, looking down at the rocks below. She closed her eyes, preparing to jump- Suddenly something caught her, stopping her from going over the cliff and she looked back as she was dragged away from the edge. Aztec.

She fell to her knees, sobbing at the edge of the cliff. The stallion nudged her gently, knickering softly and she wrapped her arms around his neck. 'I just want it to end boy, I just want the pain to end.' She cried, holding onto him. 'I have nothing boy, I am nothing. I just want to end everything-' A sob caught in the girls throat. She missed Miranda, she missed Edward and her brother. She missed the life she had with them. It hadn't been the best but it wasn't as bad as the orphanage had been. She'd had a roof over her head, a meal three times a day and at least she didn't get beaten by them like she had in the orphanage.

Through teary eyes she looked back at the cliff, still holding onto the stallion. Why had he stopped her? Why hadn't he let her jump. She just wanted the pain to end, the aching in her heart that wouldn't leave her. 'Just let me go boy-' She begged, standing up and walking to the edge again. 'I don't want to live anymore.' She looked down again, the ground far far below. All she had to do was jump and it would all be over. She heard a soft knickering behind her, the stallion placing his head on her shoulder. She glanced into his eyes, Aztec's eyes soft and mellow with sadness as he looked at her. What would happen to him if she died? Who would look after him?

She stood there, on the edge as the wind blew softly, the only thing preventing her from jumping the horse that stood beside her. Aztec had been her father's pride and joy, he'd raised the stallion from a foal, she knew how much he meant to him. Her hand went to the stallion's neck then she grabbed his reins and turned away from the cliff. Not today.

She mounted, the stallion trotting back towards the trail as she cried silently. When would the pain end? When would the ache in her heart heal? When could she be happy again-'

'Joanna!' Abigail exclaimed, rushing towards her as the girl came back up the trail on her horse. 'I was so worried about you honey, why didn't you wait back at the house?'

Joanna shrugged, pulling the stallion to a stop beside her. 'I don't know.'

She could see the girl had been crying, the poor girl's eyes red and bloodshot. 'What's the matter honey?'

'I don't want to talk about it-' She whispered softly, unable to look at her in shame and embarrassment of what she'd almost gone through with. 'Let's just go home.'