Chapter 6

The day was bright and cheerful the next morning, the sound of the birds singing softly was what teased young Joanna back to reality as the gentle rays of the morning sun warmed her face. She laid in bed, staring at the ceiling. Today was the funeral, the funeral for the rest of the lost men. Her father, her brother. They were being buried today.

Somehow, the belief that they were gone hadn't really sunk in until only a few days ago. She'd been in denial, maybe, by some miracle, they were still alive. She knew it was silly, they'd been trapped inside that mountain for three months, no food, no water, no fresh air. Still though, she'd hoped to believe they were alive. Now, she'd come to the realisation with their impending funeral that that wasn't so.

Finding a last remaining sliver of strength inside herself she sat up, her head swimming. She knew she was weak, it was an effort every day to force herself out of bed. She knew she'd lost weight by how limply her clothes hung on her. She didn't need to see herself to know how skinny she was. She could feel it.

Slowly she stood up, her hand on the wall to steady her as the room spun around. She couldn't deny it any longer, she was making herself sick by refusing to eat. The dizziness, the fatigue. It had gotten worse over the last few days.

Joanna made her way to the dresser, staring at her reflection in the mirror. She looked dreadful. Her eyes were bloodshot and she had dark circles under her eyes. Another reminder of another restless night. She'd woken crying again, crying into her pillow so she didn't wake Abigail then finally cried herself back to sleep in the early hours of the morning. She splashed her face with some water from the basin, trying to freshen herself up then went to the closet to grab a dress.

Her fingers lingered for a moment over her mother's dress, her riding habit she used to wear around the ranch. Her mother had been from a middle-class family, they weren't entirely wealthy but she was a lady. Whenever she rode she rode sidesaddle, her riding habit was one of only a couple of her clothes the girl had been able to get. When the ranch had been taken by the bank everything went with it. The clothes, the furnishings. She'd only managed to get a few things, some clothes and her mothers side saddle. Her father hadn't even known she'd taken them until after the auction of the ranch, he'd been upset with her but he knew why she had done it and he'd let the girl keep it. The little money the bank would have made from it wouldn't have been missed.

She changed into a light blue calico dress for the morning, one of her riding ones, and headed out. Elizabeth was sitting at the table, the smell of Abigail's cooked breakfast wafting through the air tantalisingly.

Abigail looked up, smiling at the girl as she walked in. 'Morning Joanna. Did you sleep well?'

'Nope.' The girl shook her head, taking a seat at the table and wearily rested her head on her folded arms. She watched the woman preparing breakfast with uninterested eyes but knew she needed to have something to eat. She actually felt slightly hungry.

'Joanna, will you be coming to school today?' Elizabeth asked gently, cutting up the pancakes Abigail placed on her plate.

Joanna shook her head again. 'No.'

'You will have to go at some point-' Abigail interjected, bringing over more pancakes for herself and the girl to the table then sat down. 'Elizabeth and I have been speaking, I would like you to go to school.'

'When I'm ready.'

'I can do lessons with you here if you like, see where you're at in your schooling.'

The girl nodded and took a pancake off the stack in the middle of the table. 'That would be alright-' She looked at Abigail. 'As long as Mrs. Stanton can be with me when we do it.'

Abigail nodded but wondered why the girl was so insistent of her being around when she got her lessons as she started on her meal. 'I'd be happy for that, thank you Elizabeth.'

'No problem.' She wiped her mouth on a napkin then stood up. 'I best get to the school house for the morning class, we're stopping at lunch to allow the children time to prepare for the service. I'll be back in time myself to change.'

Joanna pushed her pancake around the plate as Abigail and Elizabeth spoke then the teacher left and she laid her head back down on her folded arms, staring at her plate.

Abigail sighed inwardly, looking at the child. She looked terrible, it was evident the child hadn't had a wink of sleep the night before. 'Joanna, is everything alright?'

'Yeah.' She grabbed a little bit of pancake off her breakfast and forced herself to eat it. 'I'm okay.'

'You sure? You don't look so good honey.'

'Just exhausted. I'll be fine.'

She nodded but wasn't going to press the issue further. It was something at least that the girl was making an effort to eat her meal. 'What do you think of the Constable?'

'He seems nice. What do you think?'

'I think he's going to be a nice addition to the town.'

'Mrs Thatcher and him don't seem to get along too well.'

Abigail chuckled as she stood up, clearing away her plate and Elizabeth's. 'I had that feeling too. Your very observant Joanna.'

'I don't say much but I see everything.' She gingerly took another bite from her pancake. 'Do I really have to go to school?'

'Every child needs to go to school, you need to have an education Joanna.'

'I've been doing just fine on my own. I can read and write, I can do my numbers. Why can't I just keep doing what I'm already doing?'

'Going to school isn't just about reading and writing, you can make friends too.'

'I don't fit in, I'm different, Mrs. Stanton.' Joanna replied after a moment. 'I don't know how to fit in, for the last three years I had to run a household. I don't know how to get along with others my own age. I like being by myself. Besides, I don't get picked on when I'm by myself.'

Abigail glanced back from checking the kettle to the child. 'Have the others been picking on you?'

'Not here, back at the other schools. At the Lethbridge orphanage the orphans went to school with the town kids, we always got picked on-' She stared with dull eyes across the room. 'But it was the teachers that were the worst.'

'You don't want to go to school because of what's happened to you before, am I right?'

She nodded. 'I like Miss Thatcher but I don't trust her yet. I just want time before I go to school.' She looked down at her half-eaten pancake. It wasn't a lot but at least she'd eaten something. 'May I be excused?'

'You may.' The woman nodded, watching as the child headed out the back door towards the stable. She sighed heavily. The more Joanna opened up, the more she realised just how many layers there were to the child. Of course Joanna was different from the other children, she should have realised that the girl would know that. Just by watching her she knew the child hadn't had a childhood. She'd had to grow up overnight. It wasn't her fault but it was no surprise the girl knew she stood out from the others. The poor thing had to become an adult overnight.

She smiled sadly as the girl led her horse out of the shed, jumping on him with no tack other then his halter and lead. The child rode out of the yard, headed out to take the horse for his exercise and she turned back to cleaning up after the meal. Joanna had been through a lot, even before the mine explosion when she'd introduced herself to the new family the girl had acted like an adult, speaking about her father and brother and organising the household when she'd visited. The child had a matureness about her, brought on by her forced circumstances. Even back then the child had been serious and hadn't really acted like a child at all. It was one of the things that had struck her about the girl when she'd met her for the first time. Washing up the plates she sighed again, having another of many long conversations about the child with her Lord.

Joanna pulled Aztec to a halt near the graveyard, hidden back in the trees as the other miners dug the holes to bury the deceased men. She hadn't known why she'd ridden in this direction, watching as the graves were prepared. The reverend and Mr. Gowan were speaking from the sidelines as the graves were dug, the Pinkertons overseeing the procedure as the miners were the ones providing the labour. Aztec snorted softly, nudging her boot and she rubbed his shoulder. She'd seen enough.

Turning him away she urged him into a canter, absorbed by her thoughts as they made their way back to Abigail's. In a way it still didn't feel real, it still felt as if she were in some horrible dream that she couldn't wake up from. This wasn't a dream though, this was the painful reality.

She halted the stallion outside the stable, dismounting him then led him back into the make-shift stall. He nudged her gently as she gave him a little oats and hay then she curled up on the straw. Hugging her knees into her chest she cried silent tears. It was really happening, her father and brother were really gone.

Aztec finished his meal then turned to the girl, nudging her gently. The girl didn't move, didn't even acknowledge his presence. He sniffed at her then laid down beside her, wrapping his neck around her. He blew on her cheek gently then realised the girl had cried herself to sleep again. He nibbled at her hair gently, keeping watch over her as she slept.

Abigail glanced at the clock, it was nearing time for the funeral and the girl still hadn't come in from the stable yet. She sighed then took off her apron and started for the door. She'd have to go bring her in again.

As she walked into the stable she stopped, a wistful smile coming across her lips. The girl was sleeping on the straw, the stallion laying next to her. She looked so peaceful even with the dried tear stains on her cheeks. It was a shame to wake her yet she had to go get ready.

Quietly she walked over, kneeling down beside the girl as the stallion snorted softly and she placed her hand on the girls shoulder. 'Joanna, honey, it's time to go get ready to leave.'

The girl opened her eyes, sitting up after a moment and she nodded. 'I'm coming.'

'Good girl.'

Joanna got up, giving the stallion a pat as he stood then followed Abigail back to the house. 'Would you be able to fix up my hair for me?'

'Sure honey.' She smiled gently as they walked into her room, the girl getting a dress out to go change upstairs. 'I'll change and I'll do your hair.'

'Thank you.'

Abigail turned back to her closet after the girl had left, taking a deep breath as she got out her black and grey dress. She'd worn it a few times over the last three months, this time however it was her turn to stand in front of the coffins as the men were laid to rest. Soberly she changed then fixed her hair appropriately for the occasion.

Standing in front of the mirror, looking at her reflection it began to dawn on her just how little she really had left. Her whole life had been her husband and son and now they were gone. She had no family anymore.

Wiping away her tears she composed herself, remembering she'd promised the child that she'd do her hair. She could hear Elizabeth had returned too and she took a deep breath as she placed the last bobby pin in her hair and put her hat on that matched her outfit.

'You ready for me to do your hair?'

Joanna nodded as Abigail walked out, the girl dressed in her black clothes. 'Thank you, Mrs. Stanton.'

Abigail smiled sadly as the child handed her a brush and started on the girls hair. 'Elizabeth, I left a dress for you to wear on your bed.'

'Thank you.'

Neither the girl or the woman spoke a word as she did her hair, both of them absorbed in their own thoughts as they waited for Elizabeth to return.

Elizabeth didn't take long, coming down at the same time Abigail finished the girls hair. 'Are we ready to go?'

Abigail nodded. 'We are.'

The walk to the graveyard was one of silence, the many other women and children just as silent and sober as the little group was. Abigail placed her arm around Joanna as they reached the graveyard, taking a deep breath as they stepped forward to where the coffins were. The girl sniffled, looking at the markers with her father and brothers' names on them, resting against her for strength and she held the girl tightly. The other widows with their children stepped forward, Cat with her two children. Molly and her little Roselean. Other women stood alone, with no one to stand beside them. She was thankful for Elizabeth's presence- The young girl sniffled again and she kissed her head softly. There were no words to say, nothing that could ease the girls pain though she wished she could take it away.

The Reverend stepped out to the front as the last few people arrived, starting the service. 'Eternal God, our hope in every time of trouble, send thy holy spirit to comfort and strengthen us that we may have hope of eternal life and trust in your goodness and mercy. Please, take a moment of silence to remember your loved ones…'

'Honey, it's time to get out of bed-' Abigail spoke gently to the girl the next afternoon. Joanna hadn't said a word since the funeral, she'd retreated further inside herself. She'd gone to bed straight after the service and hadn't moved since. She sat down on the cot next to the girl, touching her shoulder. 'Joanna, I know you're grieving, I know it's hard but you can't stay in bed honey. Come on-' The girl shook her head, pulling the covers up closer to her chin. 'Honey-'

'Abigail?'

She frowned at the sound of Elizabeth calling her and stood up, glancing back at the girl. Oh sweetheart.

'Abigail?'

She hurried out, wondering what the commotion was. 'Yes, Elizabeth?' Jack and Gabe were there too, Jack closing the door behind them as they walked in and went to meet them. 'Constable, Gabe.' She saw the plank Gabe was holding. 'I don't understand.'

'They say this is yours.'

'Yes-' She nodded after a moment. 'I know it is.'

'You've known all along, haven't you?' Jack asked.

Her silence was the answer any of them needed to know. Finally Gabe spoke again. 'Than why didn't you try to claim it?'

'I think you did want it-' Elizabeth interjected. 'But you were worried it would cause a rift between you and the other women.'

Abigail sighed. 'I knew it would set me apart from them if I had something meaningful to remember my Noah by and they didn't.'

'Sorry Mrs. Stanton-' Gabe stepped forward. 'I shouldn't have taken it.'

'Thank you Gabe.' She looked at the plank as he handed it to her and held it for a moment then looked back at the boy. He looked like he was on the verge of tears, she was herself. She placed the plank down on the table beside her and gave the boy a hug. 'It's okay Gabe. It's okay.' A thought came to mind and she smiled at him as she pulled back. 'There's one more thing you and I need to do.'

'It's very kind of you to do this, Mrs. Stanton.'

Abigail smiled as she and Jack stood in the saloon a little while later, looking up at the plank they'd hung up on the wall. 'I think it was the right thing to do. I couldn't keep it for myself. It should be shared with the town.' She turned to him after a moment. 'I know it's only early but have you found out anything about my getting guardianship of Joanna?'

Jack nodded. 'When the circuit judge hits town we can get the legal papers drawn up but given the circumstances I think it's in the girls best interest for her to stay in your care.'

'Thank you Constable.'

'How is Joanna?'

'Not good, I'm afraid.' She sighed heavily as they started out of the saloon. 'She hasn't spoken since the funeral yesterday, she won't get out of bed. I can't seem to get through to her.'

'Would you like me to speak to her?'

Abigail raised her eyebrows. 'I'm not sure it'll do any good but your welcome to try.'

The young girl heard footsteps coming into the room, closing her eyes to pretend she was asleep. She didn't want to talk to anyone, didn't want to move. She just wanted to lie there, be left alone. Being at the funeral yesterday, it crushed her soul.

'Joanna, it's Constable Thornton.' Jack spoke softly, taking a seat on the cot beside the girl. 'I heard you weren't doing so well so I thought I'd come see you.' The girl made no effort to acknowledge his presence and he glanced down at the hat in his hands for a moment. 'Joanna, I lost my father too-'

The girl's eyes opened in surprsie, rolling over after a moment and she looked up at him. 'Y-you did?'

He nodded. 'My dad was a Mountie, he was killed in the line of duty when I was just about your age.'

'So you know partly what I'm going through then?'

He nodded again. 'I was just like you are now, angry, hurting, upset-' He paused. 'I didn't want to believe he was gone, I kept saying to myself that it was just a dream. He wasn't gone. I tried convincing myself he was coming home, that there had been some mistake. He was my dad, he couldn't have been killed. After awhile I began to realise that he wasn't coming back, that he really was gone.'

'That hit me the other day-' She whispered softly as she sat up, staring at her quilt. 'He and my brother are all I had, now they're gone and I don't know what to do-'

'It feels like there's a hole, a part of you missing, doesn't it?'

Joanna nodded her head in agreement. 'I miss them so much. They were all the family I had.' She glanced up at him after a moment, biting her lip. 'What did you do?'

'Well, as much as I hated to admit it, life had to go on. Life went on. Over time the ache starts to subside, it never goes away but it eases and heals in time. Like a scar kind of. You heal but it's never the same as it was before.' He placed his hand on the girl's shoulder. 'How would he feel if he saw you like this?'

'He'd tell me to get off my backside and get back to work.' She chuckled but there was no joy in her eyes. 'He was a hard man but he was fair. He'd probably ask what the heck I'm doing then go tell me to go clean the stables.' She glanced up at him. 'What hurts more than the fact that they're gone is the fact I have no one. I don't have family, I don't have anyone to take care of me. I'm terrified of going back to an orphanage-'

The girl started to cry and Jack took her in his arms, rubbing her back. 'It's okay Joanna, let it out.' He held onto as she cried, knowing she needed to let go of her emotions so she could heal. After some time she stopped and he grabbed a handkerchief from his pocket. 'Here.'

'Thanks-' She blew her nose as she pulled away, staring at the floor. 'You must think I'm silly.'

'No, I don't. Like I said before, I've been where you are now.' He replied gently then motioned towards the door. 'There's a woman out there who's very worried about you. Why don't you go see her and let her know you're alright.'

'Okay.'

Jack stood up, leaving the room after the girl and smiled as he watched Abigail and the child embrace. Abigail glanced at him, mouthing a thank you to him and he nodded as he tipped his hat and quietly started for the door. The girl would be alright, in due time.