Hey, guys :)
I know I have not updated in months; as you all know I'm in university and I've been so busy. These past few weeks, I have had essay after essay, test after test. Anyhow, I have no idea when next I will update but I hope this will be enough to tide you guys over until the next update.
Mercedes Jones had no idea, why she agreed to this…okay she knew why. She was a selfish, heartbroken person who withheld the existence of Aria, not only from her father but also her grandparents. She needed to make amends for her years of deceit…or at least try to. So she would sit next to Sam Evans on a damn plane and paint a fake but oh so guilty smile on her face.
After they landed, Sam's blonde family greeted them at the airport. Mercedes was prepared for disappointed resentful and cool glares from Sam's family, but what she received were gentle hugs from Sam's mother and father. It shocked her. She was prepared for animosity, not acceptance from the Evans.
Hours later, Mercedes sat across Mary Evans peeling potatoes as she watched Sam, his siblings and Aria playing touch football whilst his father sat on the sidelines watching them play. Sam tightly held Aria in his arms as she held the ball against her chest giggling. Aria was still a little hesitant around the Evans but it was only the first day. They adored her, though. When Aria stepped through the door her grandmother led her to the fridge filled with sweets and pastries she baked for her.
"She is adorable," Mary Evans said.
"I am so sorry."
She had so many things to say sorry for and she knew those three words would never be sufficient but they were all she could say. Mercedes felt like crying and hiding under a rock in shame. Mercedes dared to look at Aria's grandmother to see her silently continue peeling the potatoes for tonight's dinner.
"I was very angry…and I was hurt, Mercedes," Mary said not taking her eyes off the task at hand. "I still am …but as a proud woman myself, I understand. I understand trying to be an independent and strong woman but as the mother of the father of your child I am very hurt."
"I'm sorry, Mrs. Evans," Mercedes repeated staring at her hands.
"I know."
They continued preparing food in silence. Mercedes bit her lip, sparing quick glances at the woman before looking down again.
"I'm not angry. Mercedes, I am saddened, though," she said. There was a long pause before she continued speaking. "I'm glad it was you, though."
Mercedes looked at Mary in confusion. "What?"
"I'm glad you're the mother of my grandchild rather than one of Sam's floozies."
"Floozies?" Mercedes could not help but say amused. "That takes me back to the fifties-"
"Hush, child," Sam's mother threw a damp dishcloth at her as she rolls her eyes. Mercedes gave a small smile as she narrowly avoids getting hit. There was a comfortable silence between them for a few beats before Mary spoke again.
"After you too broke up, I guess he looked for love in all the wrong places …some of those places…"she pretended to shiver at the thought. "…some of those girls were not really mom material," she explained. "At least with you, I know Aria has a good mother, and you will not take advantage of Sam and his blind naivety when it comes to matters of the heart."
Mercedes felt worse now. Mary Evans still held her to a higher standard. The Evans still cared for her even though she hid their grandchild from them for years.
"I'm really sorry," she whispers ashamed.
She felt the woman's frail hands on her shoulder.
"Do you still love, Samuel?"
Mercedes chokes on her own spit. An uncontrollable cough erupted from her throat making her body shake as she tried to recover from the shock of hearing her ask that question.
"What?"
"Do you still love, Samuel?" She repeated.
"No," she said automatically. Only after she said that did she realize that she was saying that to his mother. "I-I-I mean, I mean-I"
"You don't have to answer to me. That was a question you need to answer for yourself," Mary told her. "Love is madness. It's incomprehensible. It's uncontrollable. It's scary. That's what makes it beautiful…that's what makes it love. If you have feelings for him tell him, you both already wasted years of your lives and now you have a child-"
"Mommy, Grandma Mary I made a touchdown!" Aria screamed as she skipped into the house. Her clothes was covered in grass stains, her once clean and blow-dried hair was frizzy and full of small sticks and grass.
"We saw," Mary said with the same excited reaction she knew the child desired.
Aria gave her new Grandma Mary a shy grin as she walked towards her mother. She took her mother's free hand in hers.
"Mommy, come play," she says staring at her with big green eyes like those of her father's. Mercedes smiled at her.
"Sure, baby," Mercedes says as she gets to her feet
"Grandma Mary," she says shyly as she pulls her mother. "Come play with us."
Mary wiped her hands dry on her jeans before Aria grabbed her hands with and excited grin and pulled them after her.
"Daddy?"
Sam's eyes fell on his daughter rubbing her eyes as she stood by the end of the stairwell. The technicolour of the television's light falls on her caramel skin. He sits up placing his packet of Cool Ranch Doritos on the coffee table and turning the volume of the television down.
"Shouldn't you be asleep, Princess?"
"Mommy is sleepin' and I want water," She said making her way towards him.
Sam got up off the couch and picked her up. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he carried her into the kitchen. He placed her on the table before filling a plastic cup full of water and giving it to her. He carried her back into the living room and changed the channel to something more child-friendly. He had a feeling Mercedes would be very pissed if he let Aria watch Friday The Thirteenth.
Aria rested her head against his chest as she watched the animated characters of The Avengers on the TV. Her thick brown curls tickled Sam's chin. Sam kissed pressed a soft kiss on the top of her curly hair.
"Daddy?"
That was his favourite word.
"Yeah, Princess?"
"Why don't you stay at our house too? Shana's mommy and daddy stay in a big house."
Sam looked down at her to see big green eyes awaiting an answer. He gently hugged her small body.
"I'm working on that."
And boy he sure was. He was trying to get his girl back and make them a family.
"But why don't you stay with us?" Aria asked again.
"It's complicated baby: but just know that Daddy loves your Mommy very much and one day we going to live together in a big house- you, me and your Mommy."
Aria nodded as she absorbed what he said. She placed her small palms on his hands resting on her belly. They continued watching the television in silence as they snuggled up together.
"Daddy?"
"Yes, Princess?"
"I love you."
Sam's heart stopped, the blood in his veins stopped pumping. Once he finally got control of his own body, he ran a finger through her wild mane before dipping down and kissing her head. Her small body was a source of warmth.
"I love you too, Princess. I love you so much."
He loved her and he loved her mother. He made a promise to himself, to Mercedes and her to get her mother back and make them a family. He was not going to let her down.
Mercedes had no idea why she agreed to go with Sam when he asked her to go with him when he took Stevie to summer school. But here she was in a car with Sam Evans in an enclosed space trying her best not to become intoxicated by his cologne. She bit her lip staring at the trees flying by, her few obstructed by the thick raindrops on her window.
"Remember that day we went hiking and it started raining in college?" Sam asked.
Mercedes refused to answer him and kept on looking at the trees outside as Sam slowed down so he could turn onto the dirt road leading to his family's farm. She could hear the fond smile in his voice as he spoke of a shared memory.
"We weren't dating at the time; we were just good friends and even though you hate hiking you agreed. You spent the whole time complaining about bug bites and killer diseases and all of a sudden the heavens just opened. You started ranting about your hair and gave me dirty looks and I just stood there watching you in silence as you over-reacted over nonsense …and I realized there that I loved you." Mercedes could not help but look at him as he spoke, seeing the sincerity in his eyes. "I loved you and it scared me because I loved –or I thought I loved- other girls before but never that much and I was dating Quinn and I was afraid. But then I looked at you standing there wet, pissed and beautiful and all I wanted to do was kiss you but you were my best friend but that did not stop me from wanting to kiss you."
He never told her that. Before she could reply Sam seemed to drive into something, making her fall forward. Luckily, the seatbelt prevented her from hitting her head on the dashboard. Sam apologises before stepping on the gas but nothing but the loud screech of tyres filled the air.
Sam cursed under his breath before getting out of his father's pick up- which he should not be driving anyway but it does not sound like he cared much for the law. She made a mental note to talk to him about his blatant disregard for the law someday. She watched him walk to the hood of the truck and kneel down before running back to the driver's side and climbing back into the truck- drenched.
Mercedes bit her lip as she watched how his white shirt stuck to his beautiful body, his wet dark blonde hair stuck to the side of his face. His pale skin had water drops sprinkled all over. His light pink lips, she used to love kissing, looked so warm and inviting even though he shivered from the cold.
"We drove into a deep hole. We'll need somebody to pull us out," Sam said as he grabbed his phone and tried dialling his father's number only to see there was no network coverage. He informed Mercedes of this development causing a sigh from her.
This was not good at all.
Here she was alone in a car with her ex-boyfriend. She could feel his warm. She could taste his scent on her lips. She could feel herself drowning in his presence. As much as she would like to ignore what happened between them in her living room two weeks ago, she could not. She could still feel his familiar lips pressed against her forehead. She could feel his warm hands on her shoulders. The feelings she felt in that moment were so painfully beautiful she could only cry. Samuel Evans was messing with her mental and emotional stability. She could not stay in an enclosed space with Sam Evans without doing something she would regret.
"Then I guess we should start walking to the house," Mercedes said unbuckling her seatbelt.
"In this rain?" Sam asked sceptically studying the crying summer sky above.
"A little rain never killed anybody."
After the words left her mouth a loud roar of thunder came from the earth's belly.
"Lightening and hyperthermia do, though," Sam said smartly. Mercedes did not like this at all. "Besides this gives us time to talk."
"Sam, I don't want to do this with you."
Sam noticed the urgency in her voice but he would not relent. They needed to talk and they would, here and now in the middle of a summer rain shower. He would make her listen. He would make her understand how sorry he was and how much he loved her. He was taking this bull by the horns and he was winning his girl back.
"I love you-"
"Don't, Samuel." His words caused her physical pain. It felt as if those three words wrapped around her fragile heart like a chain tightening slowly. "Please just don't say that."
"No Mercedes, I refuse to pretend that I don't want to grab you and kiss you. I told you I'm not giving up on us-"
"Sam, no-"
"Mercedes, stop lying to me and stop lying to yourself. You know what you feel for me-"
Mercedes asked, "How do you know what I feel?" She was starting to lose her cool. He already cracked the walls of her stronghold and she knew if she did not stop Sam he would break her and she would crumble. This time, she knew she would be able to recover. Her stitched up, battered heart would never be able to recover if she fell for Sam Evans again.
"Mercedes, I know you-"
"YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!"
"Mercedes-"
"Let me out," She snapped leaning over, trying to grab the key from the ignition but failing. Sam grabbed her wrist causing goose bumps to erupt all over her skin. She could feel her heart tightening…her skin burning…her body trembling. She could not breathe. Rather than letting her go and letting her out, he placed his free hand on her cheek. She could not help but close her eyes as his wet big rough hand gently swept over her cheek.
"Merce, look at me please."
She could not. She kept her gaze cast down as she leaned over him and took the keys from the ignition. She quickly unlocked the doors and jumped out into the rain refusing to share a car with her ex-lover as tried fighting against her confusing feelings for him.
The cold water running down her body, under her clothes, took her breath away, momentarily stunning her. The heavy raindrops made it hard to see but that did not stop her from beginning her trek back to the Evan's household which was probably two miles away. She followed the muddy road, hearing Sam calling her back before throwing the door shut.
"Just leave me alone, Samuel!" Mercedes shouted as she walked, futilely wiping away blinding raindrops.
He grabbed her hand pulling her to a stop. Mercedes' tears of anger hurt and confusion mixed with the water of the heavens. Her breath came out in laboured puffs as her heart clenched and the stronghold protecting it crumbled. His touch made her become undone. She allowed her pain and confusion to engulf her and let it take her under. She was now naked to the elements and she decided to embrace it. She turned around in his arms, without warning launching an assault of punches to Sam's chest- her body shaking with anger.
"You-you-you!" Mercedes could not articulate full sentences as she hits his chest. Each gentle yet frantic blow produced by years of angry hurt. "I-I-I hate yo-you!" She sobs as she uses the last bit of strength to hit him. "I-I-I h-h-hate you so much," She cries as he put his arms around her pulling her against his chest. She could feel his rough fingers tangled in her wet thick curls. She shivered in his arms, fisting his white see-through shirt in her hands. "You hurt me," Mercedes whispered against the crook of his neck. "You hurt me so badly, Sam."
Sam closed his eyes pressing her soft shivering body against his. He listened to her cry against him. He could feel her warm tears mixing with the rain trickle down his chest. His heart broke hearing the pain in each one of her cries. He wished he could climb into a time machine and stop himself from ruining what he had with Mercedes. He wished he could prevent her suffering. He gently rocks her back and fro whispering apologies against her temple.
"I am so sorry, baby. I know I messed up but I am going to try my best to prove to you how sorry I am and how much I love you," he whispered.
Mercedes tried pushing him away with the little power she had left in her body but he did not let go. Sam refused to ever let her go again, so he tightened his hold on her. She struggled against him before giving up, feeling her knees buckle, she falls to the ground. Sam gently sat down on his knees in front of him cradling her in his arms.
"You don't understand," she hoarsely whispered against his neck. "You don't understand."
"Make me understand, Mercedes. Please help me understand." Sam said.
Mercedes looked up at Sam with wet eyes half-blinded by the rain accumulating on her eyelashes. She studies the beautiful man who broke her…who killed her…and who was slowly bringing her heart back to life.
"You hurt me, Samuel," she whispered laying her emotions down at his feet. She was tired. She was so tired of keeping up appearances and pretending that she was fine. She just wanted to cry and heal…why could she not heal?
"I'm sorry, Mercedes."
"Sorry…sorry does not mean anything to me, Sam. It won't take away all the years of pain. I had to struggle with all these emotions and a child for years, Samuel…years!"
"Mercedes, I deserve blame for a lot of things and I accept that blame but I can't take blame for that Mercedes. You never told me about Aria-"
"You didn't want-"
"How do you know what I want?" Sam snapped. She seemed to forget that she never gave him the chance to be involved in his daughter's live. "I wanted her Mercedes! I wanted to be in my daughter's life, Mercedes and you took that away from me. You took away years I could have spent knowing my daughter…do you think that's fair?" Sam asked throwing his arms in the air.
"You were on a path of destruction, Sam, and I was not about to expose my daughter to that," Mercedes said as she got to her feet.
"You could have given me a chance, Mercedes!" Sam said getting off his knees. He loved Aria with every part of his soul. The young girl took over every part of his life. She was his everything. Even though he tried not be angry or upset with Mercedes he could not help but think it was unfair.
Mercedes turned looking at Sam with great difficulty due to the rain.
"I'm sorry," Mercedes whispered ashamedly. "I was selfish-"
"So was I," Sam said slowly making her way towards her shivering short body.
"-I was angry. I did not want you near me…or near Aria because- because…I hated you, Sam…I hated you so much," Mercedes tried to wipe away her tears in vain. "At least I thought I hated you…because I loved you, Samuel. What I felt was deep…and …and you were like air to me," Mercedes said as Sam wrapped his arms around her. She let him have his way- too weak to fight him off. "I felt like I could not breathe without you. I was in this fragile state of mind...and I did …I did not want anything to do with you…I still don't…or I think I don't…I don't."
Sam pressed her against him as she cried and whispering apologies. He savoured how familiar she felt nestled in his arms. Oh, how he missed holding her.
"I am sorry, Sam…I'm so sorry…I was wrong and I was a bitter…and…and…" Sam ran his fingers down the soft skin stretched over her cheek. He gently lifted her chin up making her look up at him.
"It's okay, Mercedes-"
"No, it's not…it really is not," Mercedes interrupted. "I'm sorry…I was so selfish-"
"Mercedes, I forgive you. It's okay."
She studies his pink wet lips as he speaks.
"Please forgive me for what I said all those years ago, Mercedes."
She wanted to. She really wanted to let go of the pain of the past but she just could not. She could not forget about all the pain and suffering she had to endure. She wanted to heal. She wanted to be okay but she could not let go and she could not heal.
"I want to," She said. "I really want to…but time cannot erase all of these wounds." But she spent years building a stronghold. She spent years without dealing with all her emotions. She could not. It felt like her heart could not let go of this.
Sam gently touched her soft lips with his thumb before resting his forehead against hers.
"Let me in, Mercedes," He whispered. Mercedes could feel his breath on her wet lips. She closed her eyes as the familiar euphoria she could only feel in his presence made its way through her bloodstream. "Let me love you again. Let me in, Mercedes. I never meant what I said."
"Then why did you say that?" Mercedes whispered searching his eyes for through as she stares through her eyelashes.
Sam looked into her wet big vulnerable eyes. He presses his palms against her cheeks before pressing a soft gentle kiss to her nose.
"I don't know, Mercedes. I was drunk and I was angry…and I felt judged," Sam explained. "I hate myself for what I said to you. I wish I could take it back. I am so sorry, Mercedes." He kissed her nose again. "I love you …I need you."
Mercedes closed her eyes replying his words over and over again in her mind. She let it intoxicate her. She allowed herself to drown. She missed this. She did not realize how much she missed just feeling his hands on her. She missed his presence so much. He left her breathless. Without thinking, driven by pure feeling, she stood on the tip of her toes and kisses him. And he tasted as good as she remembered.
Sam was surprised by this but that did not stop him from kissing her back with ferocious intensity. One of his hands held onto her waist whilst the other gently cradled her face. She tasted delicious. He swept his tongue over her taste buds frantically kissing her with everything, pouring years of longing into it. He felt her hands pulling him down as if seeking more of him. His lungs were on fire longing oxygen but he refused to let it stop him. He would kiss her until he passed. She was too addictive for her own good.
Mercedes was the first to pull away but Sam did not allow her to go far. He rested his forehead against hers, staring into her coco eyes which were burning with a storm of emotion. Her swollen lips were only millimetres from his, her warm breath fanning over his wet swollen lips. He ran his thumbs over her wet cheeks as she gently shivered.
"I missed this," Sam whispered against her sweet swollen mouth. He wrapped his arms around her waist before leaning down for another kiss.
The kiss seemed to sober her up. The love struck haze in her glassy eyes disappeared and she tried to push him away. She could not be doing this again. Her body could not be on fire. Her nerves could not be tingling. She refused to accept this. She would not allow herself to feel this. She could not. She would never be able to survive if she fell in love with Sam Evans again and he left her. She barely survived the first time…
And then there was Matthew…
Oh heaven, Matthew. She was still stringing him along.
Mercedes pushed him away with more force this time. She walks away from him wordlessly, silently cursing. She was such a bad person. Here she was ready to do the horizontal tango with Sam in the middle of a dirt road, whilst she had a boyfriend…well…almost boyfriend. She was not sure what they were but she knew they weren't just friends. This was bad…this was so bad! She was a cheater…or maybe cheater... she was confused…so confused. She was about to burst into tears.
"Mercedes…"
"No, Sam!" Mercedes shouted before turning to glare at him, which was no easy task thanks to the assault of the heavens. "This is unfair, this is so unfair! You don't get to come waltz back into my life and think I would just forget everything and fall into your arms."
"Mercedes…it's not like that-"
"Then pray tell what it's like!" She screamed throwing her arms in the air.
"Just give me a chance, Mercedes. Just give me a fighting chance to prove myself to you!" Sam cried exasperated before taking a deep breath trying to calm himself. "Just give me a chance, Mercedes. Just stop hating me."
"I can't!" She screeched throwing her arms in the air. "I can't! I had to protect myself, Samuel. I had to pretend to be okay. It's like I built a wall…a physical wall around my heart and I can't let go. I can't break it down. It's physically impossible. It's physically impossible…and it hurts…and it's scary and it's confusing. It's so confusing. So just leave me alone!" Mercedes did not realize she was crying until she tasted salty tears on the corner of her mouth. She wrapped her arms around herself. "It's not fair."
Sam tried to make his way towards her but before he could, she turned on the balls of her feet to walk away …but she slipped…and fell face first in the mud. Of course Sam burst out in laughter. She could not help but do the same. It started as a giggle before laughing so hard her stomach started hurting as she rolled over and lied on her back in the mud with her eyes closed allowing the rain to wash away the mud on her face. She could feel the mud against her skin, seeping through her clothes as Sam lied down next to her on the muddy road. They probably looked like two crazy people just lying in the middle of the road in the mud just laughing.
Their laughter soon died down. They lied next to each other in silence enjoying the gentle patter of the rain around them and on their skin. The skin of their shoulders gently touches. Sam took a chance and looked at her. She still had her eyes closed with a soft gentle smile on her face. He took a chance and gently weaved his fingers through hers, he studies her face carefully and all he saw was pure content. She tightened her grip on his fingers allowing herself to enjoy the moment with Sam and listen to the growling thunder.
"This feels really good," Sam whispered kissing her knuckles.
Mercedes turned her head to the side staring into his green eyes, their noses touching, their breaths mingling. He tasted like the caramel sweets he had eaten earlier, on her taste buds. Her mouth watered.
"I can't just forget, Sam…"
"I know and I don't expect you to. But just give me a chance. I won't hurt you again."
Mercedes thought about what his mother said. Love is madness. It's incomprehensible. It's uncontrollable. It's scary. That's what makes it beautiful…that's what makes it love.
"Matt-"
"Mercedes, you don't love him the way-"
"You don't know how I feel about him, Samuel. He is one of my best friends and I love him," Mercedes said. "I deserve to be happy, Sam. Let me be happy with him."
He placed a hand on her cheek. He could see her tears mixing with the rain as it rolled down her face. He knew she was using Matt to hide behind. He knew she did not feel the same love for him as she did for him. But at least she was allowing him to touch her. He would allow her to hide behind Matthew but that does not mean he was going to surrender. He was just going to try harder.
"Can I just kiss you one last time? I have not kissed you in so long, Mercedes."
Her kiss was just too addictive. He was like a thirsty man who tasted the refreshing sweetness of water after years in the desert. Her sweet kisses would give him the strength to fight for her until he won her back for good.
"Please don't, Sam."
He ignored her and rolled over so he was straddling her. His face was millimetres from his. He could feel the raindrops rolling down his face as he looked down at her.
"One kiss, baby," Sam whispered causing her to close her eyes as if she was under his influence. Her heart was drumming. Her senses were alive. Her body was shaking- she did not know if it was from the cold or from his intoxicating presence. She had a feeling that it was the latter.
She wanted to so badly. Her body wanted to give in. Her soul wanted to give in. Her heart, however, warned against her physical desires.
He kissed her anyway. It was slow and it was passionate. She cleared her mind and let her body have its way. She ran her fingers through his hair before knotting her fingers through her blonde locks and pulling him closer. She felt his hands running over the familiar territory of her body smearing her skin and clothes with mud but she did not care. All she did was follow her instincts and all her instincts wanted was Sam. It was such a long time since she felt the gentle caress of rough hands on her skin. She missed feeling his heart drumming against her chest. She missed the intensity of emotion she felt when he was around. She missed it so.
Sam tried to kiss her as long as his lungs allowed before pulling away and panting above her. Their positions brought back memories of nights spend entangled with each other, sharing their dreams and hopes for the future.
"That was the first and last time," Mercedes said more to herself than to Sam.
He smirked.
"Whatever you say, babe," he sang.
He was gonna win his babe back. It might take, weeks, years or decades but he was going to win her back.
Mercedes *glares at Sam*: I hate you, so much.
Sam *grins*: I love you too, baby.
Mercedes: I blame your big-headed genes for this! *Screams in pain and crushing his hands in her grasps* It hurts! Your big-headed baby is hurting me, Sam!
Doctor and Nurses snort in amusement.
Sam: You're breaking my hand, baby-
Mercedes: YOUR CHILD IS BREAKING MY PELVIS!
Sam: You sounded possessed…*Shuts up when he sees her cold glare*…Sorry.
Mercedes *cries*: It hurts so much…Why did your head have to be so damn big, Sam!
Sam *throws her a bored look*: That is just mean, you know what you have a big head too…
OBGYN: Okay, Mercedes one last push and then you can hold your baby boy.
Mercedes *takes a deep breath before pushing*: Oh…Oh…Oh! It hurts!
Sam *kisses her hand*: You can do it, babe…
Mercedes: It really hurts, Sam…oh heaven, it hurts!
Sam *kisses her forehead*: I love you so much. You can do this babe *he whispers against her temple*
*Mercedes cries as she pushed one last time*
*A cry fills the room*
*The OBGYN cradles the baby before giving him to an eagerly awaiting Sam*
*Sam smiles softly at their crying baby*
Mercedes *tiredly smiles as she watches Sam pull with their son*: I told you he has your big head.
AN: I hope you all enjoyed. Leave a comment and let me know what you thought. I hope I did not lose my mojo…I haven't done any creative writing in months (I don't count academic essays as creative writing). I hope you all enjoyed. God bless my Sweethearts. Until next time :)