"Self-inflicted Separation" (Rose)
I have not had the gumption to speak again for some time. The town and the castle are the main parts of Camelot and we are about finished touring these places. I see that we near the woods. This is where I will make the break. "Merlin?" I call to catch his attention.
"Yes?" his voice sounds indubitably upset.
I open my mouth to question that, but stop myself. I do not have the time. "Will you do me a favor?"
He clears his throat and puts on a fake tone of normality, "Of course."
I smile to myself on how he gives no condition on his agreeing, "I need you to drop me off somewhere."
"Where?" He now sounds leery.
"The woods ..." I try to sound as nonchalant as possible, but I know he isn't buying it.
"Okay," he nods, "Why?"
"I'm not going to play games with you, Merlin," I say in desperate honesty, "I need to know." No further elaboration is needed. He nods firmly and commands the horse to go faster. The horse speeds up straightaway causing me to latch onto Merlin without regards to personal space for fear of falling.
My heart pounding furiously from the jolt, we arrive at the edge of the forest. I immediately release my grip, hop off the horse, and attempt to regain my composure. "Thank you, Merlin," I do not meet his gaze. I spin quickly on my heel and take my headway in my search. This is the first step in severing the cord. If I am not around, there will be no romanticizing to slap myself over, because there will be no Merlin to fall hopelessly in love with. Is this really what I want, though? "Yes," I say quietly to myself. Right now, I see self-inflicted separation as the only answer, the sole option to resolving the ongoing war between head and heart.
"Mind Over Matter" (Merlin)
As I watch her walk hurriedly away, something strikes me. Why can't I take a shot at true happiness? What if we are meant to be together in a way that is far more than what a simple friendship can offer? I decided to take it mind over matter. Whatever happens, is going to happen. Despite my best efforts to dissuade myself, it just hasn't worked. I don't need to push the issue, but I shouldn't have to fight it. Love is a normal part of life. Why should I fear it? I am, after all, still human. Then again, there is a fear aspect to loving someone, but it's not the love we possess for them, but what the other person feels towards us. The question of their affections is constantly nagging at you.
What I mean by taking it mind over matter is that if I keep viewing my feelings as purely negative, then that would eventually convince me that what I feel is wrong, and that may not be true. She could be the one for me. I shouldn't throw that possibility out the window. I do need to be cautious about the whole thing, however, and that's just what I'll do.
If I don't follow her now, I'd be making a mistake. I know what she's doing, and I support that. I need to show her that. I quickly send the horse (with me still atop) dashing off after her. I don't give up so easily when maybe, I should. I'm doing what I believe to be right and currently, that is to join her on this quest. If she does not find what she seeks, she will need a shoulder to cry on, and you'd better believe it's going to be me. No one should cry alone. I've done it too many times to know.
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