"Shot in the Dark" (Rose)

Despite our efforts throughout the day to pinpoint the real issue, we return home with nothing to show for it. We have a few solid theories, but a huge lack of support for any of them.

Due to our slow pace in approaching and the lack of creaking from the front door, I step into our chambers unnoticed with Merlin right beside me to see Gaius bent over something.

'Did you see that?!' I ask with my mind in alarm. 'It looked like he LICKED the gold!'

'Remember how you mentioned the idea of possession earlier?' Merlin's voice echoes. 'I think we have just witnessed the validation for that shot in the dark.'

Surely as we're standing there, Gaius puts the trunk of gold from Arthur's room away in a barrel to hide it, as well as retracting his tongue back into its proper place.

"You're the goblin!" Merlins serges forward.

Gaius stops dead in his tracks. "Have you lost your mind?"

"No," Merlin argues, "But you have, or at least, it's been taken over."

"Don't be ridiculous," Gaius chides.

I simply remain in the background, observing for a moment. I happen to notice that the trap from earlier has sprung. The goblin took the bait and ate the food we had bought- even if it was hours after.

"I know Gaius as well as I know myself," Merlin continues, closing in on him … or it. "And you are not him."He points with indignation.

"Ah, you've got me," the would be Gaius leans back. "How do you like my new body?" he looks down at himself. "It's a bit old and creaky, but it's ever so much fun!"

"It's not your body. It's Gaius's," Merlin protests. "What have you done with him!"

"He's still in here somewhere," the goblin informs.

Merlin shakes his head. "Gaius has done you no harm. Leave him."

I keep my silence, aware of every movement around me.

"Alright," the thing feigns agreement, "You've convinced me." He then stands up straight, "On second thought, I think I'll stay where I am. I like it in here: the freedom, the gold, the beer … Did I mention the gold?"

I fight the overwhelming urge to walk over there and smack him right across the face. How could anyone use dear, sweet Gaius in such a way?

"If you hurt Gaius," Merlin says protectively, "I will kill you."

The thing nods, seeming almost amused. "You'll be killing him. You see the problem?"

This is the sort of thing I have been listening quietly for.

"I'm him. He's me," it explains. "We're all jumbled up in here."

With that, he steps up to Merlin, lightly smacks his cheek a couple of times, and leaves with no further word.

"Crude Silence" (Merlin)

"Well, that made me feel helpless," Rose sputters lightly.

"I know," I shake my head. "There has to be something we can do."

"Perhaps, but I could never hurt Gaius … Not intentionally," she says.

"Don't worry," I walk over to her, placing my hands on her shoulders. "Gaius will be alright."

She bites her lower lip. "I believe you," she smiles weakly up at me.

I meekly grin back, my eyes flitting back and forth between her hazel ones, glowing in the sunlight. My heart beats strangely, and I swallow hard. Her eyes seem to widen and, if I am not mistaken, start to twinkle. I gulp again, opening my mouth to tell her-

"Merlin," Arthur bursts through the door.

Rose and I swiftly separate and shift awkwardly where we stand.

"Oh," he glances at both of us. "I'm..sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt anything."

"You didn't," we both spurt simultaneously.

"Al-right then," he changes topic. "There's to be a meeting in the throne room immediately … I am going now, so you may resume whatever it was you were not doing."

"There's nothing t-" I protest as he leaves, shutting the door behind him before I can finish.

"It's okay, Merlin," Rose assures me. "You don't need to answer to Arthur for everything."

I smile gratefully at her, "You're right. Thank you."

"We'd better go, or we may further his suspicions of the things that do not concern him whatsoever," she teases.

I nod my head, needing no further urging to get to it. Not that people assuming that she and I were- you know- together, would be bad at all. I just don't want Arthur to ruin anything … just in case.

Soon inside the court room, we wait for more to gather. And when they do, Arthur takes the floor.

"There have been instances of vandalism around the palace, as well as a number of thefts. I myself was a victim," Arthur says, loud enough for all to hear. "Unfortunately, the thief managed to elude me."

Just as he takes another breath to speak again, I imagine he immediately stops inhaling, for none other than Guinevere passes gas. I am stunned. I never quite thought of girls doing that at all, let alone doing it so profusely.

Yet, her embarrassment is so apparent, it hinders my oncoming laughter. I see in my peripheral vision that Rose's mouth has dropped open.

Uther slightly turns, almost looking over his shoulder at Gwen, but shakes his head a little, desiring to get back to the meeting.

Just when it seems that one of them is going to break the crude silence, Morgana lets a few toots of her own slip.

Now I see Rose biting her lower lip and her shoulders are shaking. I am battling my own emotions. It shouldn't be humorous. But it is.

This could get ugly.

Uther, with eyes wide, commands, "Double the guard. I want the perpetrator found." And as he shifts in his seat, he adds to the musical chorus of Fart-a-lot.

'Merlin, if this gets any worse,' Rose's laughter rings in my mind, 'I'm going to have to run out of this courtroom.'

I feel my eyes nearly popping out of my skull when the goblin uses Gaius to look back and wink at me.

'So, that explains that,' I answer Rose, trusting that she, too, saw his expression.

After a very awkward pause, Arthur agrees, "Yes, my lord."

Uther's face begins to crinkle and uncrinkle before he releases a few finishing notes of this terrible, smelly song. "The council is dismissed!" he bellows.

But, naturally, Gwen and Morgana's bowels had other ideas. It would be them to conclude the tune.

"Now!" Uther demands with angered urgency.

Everyone disperses as quickly as they can, partially because of the inevitable laughter to be had, and also because of the accumulating stink.

Gwen rushes past Arthur, probably hurt by all of the faces being made. "Gaius" turns to me and continues his triumphant smiling, proud of his handiwork. I simply cannot take in any more of this scene, and turn to leave, completely exasperated. I honestly cannot tell if I want to laugh or scream my head off.