"So how'd it go? Did Katie leave already?"

Steve felt Soda's hand come to rest on his shoulder, as he remained in the living room, his mind still focused on the conversation he feared had taken place too soon. "Yeah. I think I made her uncomfortable. It didn't go what I would call terrible or anything. I even did really well with saying what I needed to. We didn't get very far though. She knows I was abused and how it started affecting me, but that's pretty much it as far as specifics. It definitely wasn't a deep conversation."

Soda took the spot on the couch next to Steve, still able to see the openness in his best friend's face. "Why do you think she was uncomfortable? Did she say somethin'?"

"She said it didn't feel good to think about me being traumatized and that she didn't know what to say or do. That sounds like discomfort to me."

"How did she take it, besides that?"

"All right, I guess. She really listened and asked questions. She didn't have a huge reaction to anything I said. She was pretty calm about it."

"Well, that's good then. It seems like what you want, so it ain't as scary for you to keep going."

"Yeah. That's true. I just got a really weird vibe from something. Or maybe I'm overthinking the questions she asked."

"What kind of stuff did she ask you?"

"She wanted to know if my being abused is the reason for me not wanting us to have sex right now. Which is fair, I guess, and that's some of why I feel the way I do."

"It's probably good she's makin' that connection, right?"

"I hope so. She even asked how my dad didn't know the abuse was happening. I don't want to drag him through the mud, you know? So I didn't get into any details about how he coped, except to say we didn't talk about what happened."

"That makes sense, Stevie. Katie doesn't necessarily need to know any of that, especially not now."

"I didn't say a lot about how the abuse made me feel either, except for being scared and feeling guilty when it was happening. I think she was kind of puzzled by that part because I wasn't the one doing anything wrong. That's understandable though."

"Sure it is." Soda watched Steve's gaze move up, his best friend becoming still, as he relaxed against the couch. "I think it went well enough, huh? There ain't really a perfect way for a conversation like that to be."

"She did still say she likes me a lot."

"Of course she does. What happened then isn't you. It's something you went through and came out of pretty damn great, if you ask me."

"She wanted to know if I still have flashbacks and if it'll be hard for me if we decide to have sex."

"So what'd you say?"

"That I don't have them as much as I used to, and it could be hard for me now too as far as being physical."

"I bet it wouldn't be the way it was before though."

"I can't decide if I messed up or not, Soda, because I feel like she was listening to me and trying to gauge how it'll affect her. Like she's figuring out what this will mean if she stays with me."

"I don't think you messed up. You were ready to tell her, so that could never be a mistake." Soda put his arm around Steve's shoulders, giving him a squeeze before going any further. "Buddy, can I tell you somethin' that I think is pretty blunt? I don't want to hurt you with it, but I do want you to have the truth."

"Yeah, sure. What is it?"

"You told Katie somethin' very personal about you. It doesn't get any more open than that, and as the woman you're dating, if there's some reason she can't handle knowin' you were abused, she's not the one you're meant to be with. If she feels like it changes anything, you need to know now too. It's real important for you to be with somebody who can hear what happened and not even think twice about bein' here and carin' for you the best way they can. I ain't sayin' Katie can't or won't do that. I'm just sayin' it's what you need in a relationship, and there's no way you should have to settle for anything less."

"Hey, Pony! You made it!"

Pony accepted Darry's hug, as he arrived at his childhood home. "Yeah. I had some stuff to wrap up, but I really want to be able to surprise Soda tomorrow morning."

Darry chuckled in anticipation, as he pictured Pony showing up at their middle brother's apartment totally unexpected. "He'll be so excited, little brother. Especially since he didn't think you'd be here til next week."

"He's okay, right, Darry? He's sounded good on the phone lately."

"Yeah. He's fine. There's been something going on, but I'll let him be the one to tell you about it."

"Can you at least give me a hint?"

"It involves Penny and the fact that she just graduated from nursing school."

"Are they getting married?"

"No. It isn't that. Like I said, I'll leave it for Soda to tell you." Darry reached out once more, his hand grasping Pony's shoulder, as their eyes met in a bond that spanned both past and present. "As for now, me and you need to have a beer and catch up."

"I hope I didn't hurt you with what I said, Stevie. If I did, I'm sorry."

Steve had retreated to his room, his back to Soda, as he sat at his desk. "You didn't, and what you said is the truth. I need to be with somebody, who can care for me, no matter what I tell them about my past."

Soda moved to be near Steve, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "I know it's the truth. I just wanted to be sure my timin' wasn't off as far as sayin' it to you tonight."

"It's not off. Not at all. I'm just kind of reeling because I'm nervous. For a conversation that didn't go badly, it sure has me on edge."

"It's been a long time since you've told a new person about the abuse, so maybe it's that too."

"Yeah. It's kind of scary to be in this place again. I was so sure I wouldn't tell her what happened to me. At least not for a long time. But then, I started to see things differently, and I really wanted to tell her soon."

"What made you change your mind about that? It did happen kind of fast. Not that it's a problem or anything since the abuse is yours to tell, and I was glad you felt comfortable enough to talk about it with Katie. I'm just wonderin' how you decided to tell her now."

"I realized that, if I want to get close to her, it doesn't make sense to hide part of myself. As much as I don't like to think of the abuse as something that defines me, some stuff about my life goes back to it. I can't deny that it's part of my identity."

"Yeah, I get that. I know I have things too that are sort of like what you're talkin' about."

"Of course you do. And Katie's seen so much lately of pieces that I don't think she can quite fit together, like my relationship with my dad and our friendship. So I want her to be able to understand where a lot of the closeness and how important it is to me comes from. I want her to understand things about me, even though I'll hate it if she's already looking at our relationship differently. I'll hate it if I just made her think I'm a guy with too much baggage or one who's way too messed up to be any good for her at all."

Soda grasped Steve's wrist, giving him a gentle tug. "Come here. If you're feelin' that down on yourself, I need to do more than listen."

Steve didn't even think of resisting, as he let Soda envelope him in an embrace. "I always feel like I'm in a better place with this stuff. So much more confident. But then, I just- I just crash."

"I know. I'm sorry. I bet it's just cause you shared with Katie, and that's a vulnerable spot to be in. So go easy on yourself about it, especially since it sounds like everything went all right. But, even if it hadn't, that still wouldn't be on you."

"I think I'm scared to tell her the rest too. My suicide attempt. Being in the hospital twice. Something about that feels deeper."

"Then don't. Wait a while longer. See where she stands as far as what you've already told her. There's nothin' you have to say when you're not ready, and there ain't a single script for how these conversations have to go. They're all yours, and you can do whatever you want when it comes to talkin' to Katie about your past. I know I said I thought you needed to tell her about the abuse before ya'll get serious, but I never meant that you should tell her everything all at one time. It's okay to space this stuff out, as she gets to know you better."

"Yeah. I know. My head's just feeling kind of scattered right now because I'm worried." Steve felt Soda squeeze him tight, sinking into the sensation for a moment before he pulled away. "Thanks a lot, buddy. I know we've been through all this already, so I'm really grateful you're taking the time to be with me in it again."

Soda kept his arm around Steve's shoulders, also able to feel his best friend's touch on his own back. "Of course I'm takin' that time. I wanted to be here for you tonight, no matter how it went with Katie. You know how much I love you, buddy, so I'd never do anything different."

"I know that too, but I still wanted you to hear how much it means to me. Having you right here like this, just being my best friend, well, it helps me remember that, however things turn out to be, I have at least one gift in my life that's boundless."

A loud knocking startled Steve out of a deep sleep, the sound leading him to stumble out of bed. "Who the hell's banging on our door so damn early on a Saturday morning?"

He heard another knock, as he made his way across the living room and threw open the front door. "What do you- Ponyboy?"

Pony laughed, as he took in both Steve's surprised expression and disheveled appearance. "Either that, or you're still asleep and dreaming about me showing up on your doorstep."

"Well, damn, wait til Soda sees you." Steve ushered Pony inside, closing the door before he headed toward the kitchen. "You drink coffee now, right?"

"Yep. Probably more than I should. Sorry to wake you so early. I couldn't wait."

Steve got the coffee maker started, setting two empty mugs next to it. "I'm sorry it's my face you had to see first. Soda must not have heard you knocking. We were both up kind of late."

"Some things never change, huh? Besides, your face ain't lookin' so bad these days."

"I try to get my beauty rest. So what's the deal? I thought you'd be at school til next week."

"Plans changed, and I got to come home sooner. I didn't tell Soda because I wanted to surprise him."

"Man, I'm glad I'll be awake to see that moment. He'll be over the moon."

"Yeah. That's why I wanted to do it. But, actually, I'm kind of glad I saw you first."

"You are?"

"Yeah. Cause there's something I need to tell Soda, but I'm sort of nervous about it."

"Really?" Steve filled the two mugs with coffee, putting one in front of Pony, as they both sat down at the table. "What is it? Is something wrong?"

"No. At least it's not wrong to me anyway, but you know this coming fall and spring will be my last year of school, right?"

"Yeah. Of course."

"I stayed so close to home because I wanted to, and I'm glad I did. But I want to do something different for my last year, so I applied for a program with the English department."

"Okay. Nothing sounds bad so far."

"It's a study abroad program. If I get accepted, I'll be spending my senior year of college in England."