"Doomed" (Rose)

Numb, I light the candle near Merlin's bed and lay down. But I don't sleep. I can't. All of my concentration turns to holding in my tears. I feel ridiculous and confused. Everything keeps replaying in my head. An endless, vicious, gutting cycle of memories. I don't know how much time passes before Merlin comes back. His movements are quiet and soft. I only hope he believes me to be asleep.

I hear the rustling of fabric, the sounds of assembling a travel pack. I doubt this is due to the night's occurrences. I logically conclude that he must be heading out with Arthur somewhere. Merlin eventually finishes packing and settles down for the night. There are a handful of times I feel his eyes on me. I just don't move. For hours. Emptiness swallows me.

Morning light creeps in through our window. I hear Merlin rise. He shuffles about, gathering his things. He pauses. Weight fills the silence. Moments pass. He leaves without a word. Crippling worry that we will never be the same grips my core.

The sunlight continues to fill the room, its heat radiating on my back. I still do not stir.

The door creaks open once more and my heart quickens.

"Rose?" Gaius's voice pierces the air.

I finally turn over, every bit of me aching, and face him. He comes to my bedside and sits beside me.

His eyes scan me with deep concern. "Are you alright?"

I don't know how to answer him. I can't find the words. The lump that's been in my throat finally pushes out. And that's when I fall apart.

He just clamps his mouth shut as I cry, stroking my hair. He lets me mourn, not pushing me to tell him a single thing. Once I show signs of calming, he helps me sit up and hugs me tight.

When we separate, I wipe my face on my sleeves. "Gaius," I say in a serious, strained tone. "He can never know."

A look of understanding passes over his face. Gaius nods. "Merlin has gone with Arthur to clear out some bandits spotted in the woods. He shan't be back for some time." He puts a hand on my cheek, examining my face. "Have you slept at all?"

"No," I croak, more tears pushing their way out and down my cheeks.

"Dear girl," he wipes my tears away. "I do not pretend to know the innermost workings of your heart, but I have lived long enough to recognize a thing or two about human beings." He doesn't say anything more at the moment. He doesn't have to.

"I love him, Gaius." My mind races as I realize that I've never admitted that to even myself, let alone out loud to anyone else. The words rip through my heart and relieve my soul all at once. I burst into tears, sobs wracking my whole body. "I love him, and I can't do anything about it. There is too much at stake."

He pulls me into a second embrace, hushing me gently. "Of course you can do something about it," he says as if it's the most clear thing in the universe.

"I can't tell him," I retort into his shoulder.

"Perhaps not," he softly pushes me back, hands resting on my shoulders. "Not yet, anyway." Then he smiles. "He has much to figure out about life. As do you. Right now, he believes that he must keep everyone at a distance, especially you."

I am a bit taken aback. "Has he spoken to you about this?"

"No," he smiles once more. "There's no need. I know Merlin, and I know you. In all my years, I've never seen a better pairing."

Blush spreads across my cheeks. "Gaius," I begin to remark.

"Don't you 'Gaius' me, young lady," he points a finger at me. "I know I am correct in my thinking. There shall be no argument." I shut my mouth, which seems very uncharacteristic. "He will come to his senses."

Before I can say that there is no sense to come to, he continues. "For now, you will continue to show him you love him as you have ever since you stepped through that door. Listen to him. Be there for him. Protect him - mind, body, soul, and heart. Be yourself, my dear. That's all he or anyone else could ever need or want."

"What if he doesn't?" I ask, my voice sounding tiny.

"What if he doesn't need or want you?" Gaius makes a scoffing noise in his throat. "Then he's dumber than he looks!"

"Gaius!" I laugh in spite of myself. "He is not!"

Gaius laughs with me. "I know he isn't. That's why he looks at you the way he does."

My laugh becomes a sort of cough, "What?"

He continues to chuckle,"Rose, you are one of the most observant and most oblivious people I have ever met." He shakes his head. "The boy can hardly take his eyes off you. His face practically beams when you walk in the room, and I swear his eyes almost pop out of his head at times." He makes a goofy gesture as he says 'pop', and I laugh as relief douses my being. "Any time you are discussed, he has only the highest of praise for you. His eyes twinkle with admiration at the sound of your voice. You should have seen him last night. I'm not sure what transpired between you two, but he looked lost and, dare I say, broken."

I just stare at him, drinking in the information. This can't be real. Can it? "Gaius, perhaps you've just misread him," I try to dismiss it all.

"Perhaps," he smirks. "But I doubt it."

I open my mouth to respond when a set of large wooden doors appear in my view. They swing open to reveal Morgana sitting on the throne of Camelot with the crown upon her head and a twisted smile. As confusion courses through me, my vision switches to an old man, very recognizably Merlin. It morphs into young Merlin dancing with a young woman. As my heart begins to shatter all over again and before I can catch a glimpse of it who it is as they dance, the two are torn apart by something unseen. Then I see it. The young woman is me. I look horrified by - whatever it was. This vision crumbles away to Merlin crumpled on the ground over a smaller body dressed all in black. He's sobbing and seems to be screaming out to the unconscious cloaked figure. My view zooms in as he lifts the limp body closer to him in a broken embrace. The hood slides off revealing a head of red curls and my pale, lifeless face.

I snap back to our room as Gaius's voice comes back into focus. "- to me. Rose!"

"Gaius," I grasp his arms, "I've just seen horrible things."

"More visions?"

I nod. "Merlin."

"What did you see?" he gapes at me.

I take a deep breath to answer and am re-submerged into a new strain of visions. Morgana's steed rearing. Morgana unsheathing an ornate dagger. Morgana walking down the castle corridor's in a lavish red cloak. Red liquid that looks akin to blood dripping off the tips of someone's fingers. A roaring fire. Merlin's face yelling through it. Then everything zips back to Gaius.

I gasp. "There was more."

It happens again. The last set of visions replay. Merlin yells, then Uther, asleep in his bed, swims into view. Morgana unsheathes her dagger above him and hoists it into the air. Then I'm back in my room.

Gaius's concern deepens in his expression. I am not able to form any words before the dagger unsheathes before me once more, Morgana raises it, and plunges it into Uther, his eyes snapping open with a start, sucking in air on impact. His murder is washed away by Merlin spinning into view, dancing with me. Our joy quickly turning to shock, as it had before. This feeling pours over into the vision of a shattered Merlin holding my unresponsive body in his arms.

I reel back into the moment, Gaius catching me as I sway where I sit. I can feel the sweat on my brow forming beads.

The room spins around me as I quickly spit out everything I just saw to Gaius. His expression grows grimmer still. "You ought to lie down."

I feel condemned. I feel doomed. "Gaius," I stop him from helping me lean back into bed. "Am I going to die?"

"Not Afraid" (Merlin)

I am not able to take any joy in Arthur's waking. All I can think about it everything I saw in those awful visions. Every time I close my eyes, I see Rose. Dead. I said what I said to her to try and prevent harm befalling her. Now there's some to-be-written future I was shown containing my worst fear - her death. The very first things I saw before I told Taliesin that I wouldn't look into the crystals, we were dancing without a care. Once we were torn apart, I saw myself clutching Rose's dead body. I will never be able to forget that.

I will not let her die. Whatever it takes.

Arthur keeps trying to make conversation with me which I promptly shut down. We attend an obligatory meeting in the courtroom to give full report of the occurrences of our trip. Arthur actually gives me credit, another thing I can't currently enjoy.

I join Gaius after the meeting disbands. He already looks worried. "What's bothering you?" I ask him, a little thrown off by his demeanor.

"I'll tell you when we get back," he answers solemnly.

When we get back to the chambers, all is quiet.

"Dinner should be ready by now," Gaius says in an air of force casualty.

"You cooked?" I quiz, trying not to sound disappointed.

"Yes," he replies, spooning us bowlfuls of … something.

"Am I being punished?" I attempt to jest, trying to listen for any movement in the back room.

"Rose was," he pauses, choosing his words carefully, "Preoccupied today. I took on making supper to alleviate some of the pressure of her duties."

"Oh," I try to sound light about it, but I feel nothing but heaviness and fear clawing at my throat. "Is she still out?"

"She's in your room," he responds, eyes boring into mine. "She was rather exhausted. She may be asleep already. We best keep our voices down. What happened with Arthur today? You didn't so much as manage a complete smile when he complimented you before the King."

I recount every detail I can recall, leaving off the bits about Rose and I - for now at least. He doesn't exactly seem surprised. "Gaius, I can't get these visions out of my head." I press my fingers into the upper bring of my nose.

He leans forward, "You are extremely lucky to have seen the Crystal Cave. Long before the Great Purge, wizards would talk about it with reverence."

"That man who led me there, who is he?"

"Who was he?" he corrects. "He died, I'd say, about 300 years ago. Taliesin was a seer to the great kings of old. It is said that the Crystal Cave was the source of his prophecies."

"Well, he told me," I trail off. "He said there was a reason I was brought there at this moment in time. Why?" I don't wait for reply. "It must mean the events I saw are imminent - Morgana is going to kill Uther." I can't go on.

"Well then," Gaius says thoughtfully. "You must be careful. The crystals are treacherous. What you saw may not be all that it seemed."

"So I do nothing?" I know he wouldn't say this if he knew everything that I saw. He made no mention of Rose showing signs of seeing what I did. Perhaps these visions really were mine alone.

"There is nothing to suggest that what you saw is imminent, is there?"

I think on that carefully, steeling up somewhat, "No."

"So," he continues, "I wouldn't let it put you off your soup."

"No way," I agree.

"Come on, eat up," he says, bringing his spoon to his own bowl.

"What is it?" I quiz skeptically.

"Sometimes it's best not to know."

His statement is more true than he knows. I do my best to finish eating with little to no disgruntled comments, noises, or faces. I think back over everything I saw and everything Gaius said.

A wave of nausea hits me despite the previous comfort I took in his words, and it has nothing to do with the soup. I finish washing my bowl and set it down to dry. Gaius settles down with a book.

"Did she see?"

He pulls his spectacles down enough to look at me over their lenses. He sighs. "Yes."

"Did she tell you…" I can't even ask the question.

"Yes, Merlin. She told me everything," his tone sounding a bit more sobering, bringing my nerves back to full force as I swiftly cross over to him.

"You still think there's nothing to indicate the events are imminent? Even knowing she could be in grave danger?"

"From what you have told me, we have no reason to be worried that the future you saw will inevitably occur," he folds his hands atop his book.

This settles me only slightly, but I will take it. I nod. "Good night, Gaius."

"Good night, Merlin," he calls out as I slowly make my way to the bedroom.

My hand shakes as I reach for the door. I enter just as shakily and slowly.

Rose lies asleep on her bed. Actually asleep. Her eyes look tired, even in her current state. She must have taken the visions hard. This somewhat solidifies why I did what I did the night before.

As I change my shirt and go to get into bed, deciding it best not to wake her, I smash my little toe into the leg of my bed.

Rose's eyes snap open, and she pushes her self up onto one arm. "Merlin," she says softly, quickly rising to her feet. "Thank God." She wraps her arms around me. Gratefulness washes over me as I happily return her embrace and warmth. She pulls back after a moment, looking up into my eyes, sending my heart into a frenzy of pounding. "Are you alright? What I saw - it was terrible."

"I'm better now," I say, dwelling on the fact that she didn't let go. Maybe we'd be okay after all. Maybe things didn't need to change. "How are you feeling?"

She finally lets go, leaving a wave of cold in her wake. I instantly miss her touch. "I am suddenly thankful I don't own any dark clothing," she jokes, though there is still a weight to her words.

I muster a feeble laugh. "That makes two of us."

"I spoke with Gaius. I believe everything will work out. We will make it so." Her confidence sets my feet on solid ground. She offers me a small smile, and I am somehow able to temporarily forget most of my troubles, but the vision of her lifeless form in my arms hangs tight in the back of my head.

I nod, turning and sitting on my bed. She follows suit and regathers her own blankets, spreading them over her body and curling up.

"Rose?"

"Yes, Merlin?"

"I won't let you die."

She sits up again. "There are things beyond our control, Merlin. But nothing is going to stop me from doing what I need to do. Even if that means death."

Her response does not settle me in the least. "I will do everything I can to save you. I promise."

"I know, Merlin," she smiles. "I believe you."

"I can't help but feel responsible -"

"Merlin," she stops me short. "We can't even be sure that anything we saw will happen. We don't know what events would lead up to any of those moments. I have to believe that as long as we do what is right, what is meant to be will be."

She can see that I am not comforted. She gets up, kneeling in front of me, sweetly forcing me to meet her eyes. Once I do, she takes my hands. "I trust you. And should anything happen to me, please know that it would not be on you. I make my own decisions. That's one thing you unfortunately cannot stop, no matter what you do or say. My mind does not easily change. Nor does my heart." She pauses briefly, eyes shining with determination. "I am not afraid."

I so desperately wish I could say the same. I feel a sense of awe spreading through me. "How are you so great all the time?"

"Your turn to trust me," she rises, releasing my hands, and returns to her spot. "I'm not."

"I guess we will just have to agree to disagree on that," I shrug, feeling some more worry melting away.

"I guess so," she lays down. As she shuts her eyes, I fight off memories of the visions. "Try to get some sleep."

"Okay," I say quietly, watching her contentedly and hoping she doesn't catch me. I wish her peacefulness in this moment to replace the image in my head. She's safe. She's alive. She's well. I lay down, eyes not leaving her. She's so quiet, I feel compelled to say, "Good night, Rose," just to hear her say, "Good night, Merlin," and remember that everything, at least for now, is alright.