Miasma of Memories

One Month and Twenty-Three Days since the Last Death (Nine Deaths)

That morning, Subaru woke up more agitated than he had in a long time. It was only in those first few days after arriving in Kyo that he had come to experience equivalently torturous nights. And by the same token, he knew that something extremely terrible was about to take place. There was no real certainty that the situation would unfold in such a way, but the feeling was so ingrained in his being that he was totally and utterly convinced of it.

No, the previous statement is wrong. There was something that strongly sustained his fears; the disappearance of Crusch Karsten. After finding out to his shock that Anastasia did not remember her, Subaru questioned her knowledge about the identities of the other members of the forces in charge of the whale hunt...

He himself was unaware of the identities of many of them, knowing only that of Julius, Mimi, Ricardo, Felix Argyle, the knight of the missing woman, and Wilhelm Van Astrea, her butler. To his relief, Anastasia had not forgotten the first three; nor had she forgotten the last two. Unfortunately, Subaru did not know the name of anyone else who had participated in the hunt, other than a couple of Fang of Iron mercenaries whose names he remembered because he had interacted with them on different occasions.

Even so, the truth is that Subaru did not tend to interact much with the mercenaries, so the number of names he could use to determine the extent of the lapse in Anastasia's memory was very limited. Therefore, when he finished questioning her, and having obtained no valuable results, Subaru got up from the table and, after excusing himself, vanished from the room under the gaze of a very bewildered Anastasia.

Back in his room, Subaru set to work on his designs once again, in order to take his mind off what was happening; but doing so was impossible. "No... No... No... No more, please! I can't take it anymore!" Rocking his head, Subaru began pulling out hairs from his head while forcing himself to avoid the issue. But there was no way that would work.

Tragedy was drawing near, and Crusch's disappearance could only be the first step. Subaru was convinced that tragedy would come back for him, and he did not feel ready to deal with it once again. "No more! NO MORE! PLEASE! LEAVE ME ALONE!" In the end, Subaru lost consciousness screaming into nothingness, and with no one to calm him down...

No one, except Anastasia. "Alphonse informed me that he heard a commotion in yer room, and I thought it might have somethin' to do with what happened in the dinin' room..." Those had been her words. "What's goin' on, Natsuki-kun?" He did not want to answer that question, he did not want to talk about what was going through his mind. If I talk about it, it might become real; that is what he had thought. Ultimately, Subaru did not answer any of the questions, and Anastasia, being the perceptive woman she was, decided not to push him any further for an answer she would not get.

She disappeared from the sight of Subaru, who was lying on his desk, and Subaru thought that once again he had been left in complete solitude. But she had not left. Anastasia took a seat on his bed and, in complete silence, kept him company. She did not hug him, she did not whisper words of support, the only thing she offered him was the warmth of her presence; the only thing he needed at that moment. After a while, Subaru finally decided to lie down on his bed, whereupon Anastasia finally took her leave. And with that, Subaru was finally able to fall into sleep, which was later foiled by the worst nightmares...

And just as he had foreseen, the tragedy came in the form of a call; a call through the Conversing Mirror of the mansion. The caller on the other side of the surface of the mirror was a man with a squared-off chin, dark green hair and an eternally serious expression. He was Marcos Gildark, the captain of the Royal Guard, and his message was not exactly encouraging.

The hunt for the White Whale had claimed up to ninety-five percent of the lives of those under Wilhelm and Felix command. And although only one member of the Fang of Iron had died, one of low rank, to boot, the reason for this was that they had undertaken the retreat at the first sign that the edge in combat was extremely biased toward the enemy.

The reason why the captain had called personally was due to the involvement of one of the constituents of his guard; Julius Juukulius… Julius had assisted the Fang of Iron unofficially, so he had not revealed the reason for his absence to his superiors. Something that would have earned him an enormous punishment, or even the dismissal of the Royal Guard, if not because his results had been of greater weight and importance than his inadequate actions for a knight of his rank.

He, as well as Mimi Pearlbaton, Ricardo Welkin and Wilhelm Van Astrea had hunted down the White Whale, thus ending the four hundred years in which it sowed terror in the hearts of the inhabitants of that world. But that great result was overshadowed by the loss of the lives of many warriors and... the death of the warrior who struck the coup de grâce…

"Julius... I'll just say I'm glad ya obeyed my orders and came back to me." The knight looked at his mistress with shame, and then lowered his face in disgrace.

"I do not merit such kind words on your part, Anastasia-sama." Despite what Julius said, the girl placed the palm of her hand on the knight's shoulder while smiling at him.

"What ya achieved definitely deserves all the praise ya get... and more." Anastasia asserted, making him look up. "I'm proud that ya're my knight, Julius Juukulius. I hope ya'll stay by my side for many more years to come, and I hope ya'll be there when I'm finally crowned. Heh, heh, heh..." With an innocent giggle, the girl bantered as she lifted her hand off her knight's shoulder.

Placing himself in a completely steady position, the knight exclaimed. "I-I am sure it will be so, Anastasia-sama. In my opinion, you should be able to say those words in all earnestness."

"Heh, heh, heh, heh..." She laughed, hiding her mouth with one hand. "I think ya're bein' a little too biased, Julius. But I'll take the compliment nonetheless." Noticing that the conversation between lady and knight was over, Marcos approached both of them.

"As I was saying before, Anastasia-sama. After the group consisting of Julius and the Fang of Iron parted ways with Wilhelm Van Astrea's group, the latter stayed to make the final arrangements and take over the head of the White Whale. We do not know exactly how this happened, as witnesses are still quite disoriented, but at some point on the way to the City of Flanders, the convoy was attacked by the Witch Cult."

"The Witch Cult? Are ya sure about that, Marcos?" Anastasia asked, with a slightly scowling frown.

"Completely. The information comes from Wilhelm himself, who faced both the infamous Archbishop of Greed, and the almost unknown Archbishop of Gluttony... Apparently the Archbishop of Greed did not deign to ascertain his condition once the fighting was over, so he survived his encounter and was able to inform a group of survivors that had concealed themselves from the attackers. Tragically, Wilhelm Van Astrea died on the way to Flanders, so we only know how little he was able to say in his last moments of lucidity."

"Umm… May I ask you something?" While Marcos and Anastasia were exchanging words, Subaru had been watching outside the frame, in complete silence...

When Anastasia was informed about the arrival of the survivors, Subaru had been with her in the middle of a meeting about possible designs; or so he had wanted to call it, so as not to admit that he needed to distract his mind from what had happened the day before by talking to her. As the metia was in the same room in which they were gathered, Subaru heard about what had occurred and asked if he could accompany her...

His reasons for doing so were especially linked to his desire to establish what had happened with Crusch; after all, as he left his room that morning, he took the opportunity to ask several of the mansion's employees, including Tivey and Hetaro, about it. But no one had recognized her, which had inevitably sown even more restlessness in his heart.

The most surprising case was that of Hetaro, who claimed that he had been treated by Felix because Anastasia had made a deal directly with him; something she later corroborated when he subtly asked her about it. Hetaro had arrived the previous morning, the same morning he had skipped breakfast and lunch, and it was due to the state of Subaru, that he had not noticed the little boy's return.

Hetaro's return had been limited by his health, as Felix had recommended that he not move around too much, after all, two limbs that he had lost had been reattached to his body; which had restricted him to only moving freely in his room at Crusch's mansion for months. Subaru did not know the original estimated date of Hetaro's return, but he suspected that the fact that his arrival occurred on the very morning after Crusch's disappearance was no mere coincidence. Not knowing much more about Crusch and his family, Subaru could not dig much deeper; although he had discovered that Crusch's father was now the current leader of the Karsten House and not his daughter, as had been the case before she was forgotten by, apparently, all but him.

However, discovering more about what happened to Crusch was not the only reason behind his desire to accompany Anastasia. The other reason for doing so was to make sure that, if something bad happened and they died, he would be near her when he returned and would be able to save her. The idea of dying again was extremely frightening and traumatizing to him, and he was really not sure he would be able to recover from another cycle of death. Even so, the idea that something might happen to her and that his Return by Death would be insufficient to get her back was equally daunting to him, and was something that constantly haunted him.

And not only was he tormented by the fact that this could happen to Anastasia, but also to the rest of his closest associates. After all that transpired, thoughts such as the limits of his ability used to pop into his head more often than ever, making his need to focus on designing reinvented artifacts increase accordingly; therefore now his obsession was to devote himself to his sketches...

The survivors of the hunt had been placed in the medical bay of the Knights Garrison, and it was through the garrison mirror that Marcos had contacted Anastasia. Together with a group of mercenaries, which did not include Tivey who was to accompany his brother on Anastasia's orders, the two left for the garrison building, where they met an injured Ricardo, a sleepy Mimi and an unconscious Julius.

Anastasia had already exchanged words with her other two subordinates. Ricardo had been unable to respond because his mouth had been covered by cloth bandages, and Mimi was so drowsy that she seemed not to even know where she was. Marcos had begun to relate what had transpired along the way, but was interrupted by the sudden awakening of Julius, whose despondency only increased when he heard about the death of the old warrior.

And now that he was having a chance to hear what took place, the knight had put aside feelings of shame and defeat, and focused on finding out as much as possible about it. Subaru, for his part, had been extremely jealous of the knight's sober and tranquil reaction to all that was happening to him; not even having woken up totally disoriented, only to discover that an important ally had died, had Julius lost his composure; he wished he could be like that.

But knowing that achieving that would not be immediate, nor easy, he opted to start gathering as much information as possible in the face of a possible near death-event. "Huh? Yes, of course." Marcos replied, looking at Subaru in puzzlement. Until that moment, Marcos had not heard Subaru speak, and the sudden question had disconcerted him; after all, he had come to think that he was some kind of servant, like a butler, one who would never interrupt his mistress's conversation in such a manner.

"Heh, heh, heh... He's not a mere servant, Marcos. Ya don't have to make that face." The girl commented, laughing, to the surprise of those present. She, with her enormous experience reading gestures and looks, had been the only one to perceive the subtle change of attitude in Marcos.

"Of course, forgive my rudeness, Milady." He apologized, bowing his head in reverence. Subaru, who felt completely out of place, cleared his throat before posing his question.

"… From what I understand, the White Whale had some kind of relationship with the Witch Cult, or am I wrong?" No one had said anything about it throughout the conversation, so Subaru wanted to make sure he was properly grasping the information he was hearing.

"It is not completely certain, but Wilhelm said that one of the Sin Archbishops, Gluttony specifically, had claimed that the White Whale was his pet."

"His pet…" Subaru whispered. "And can the whale... could it erase the memories about a person?" Subaru asked again. Subaru asked again. That had been his concern since the beginning, and from what he had heard about the whale along the way, it seemed that this was the popular belief.

"In all honesty we never got to know much about the White Whale. This is because no matter how many went to face it, only a few were able to return alive; just as on this occasion... It was thanks to those survivors, that it became obvious that the numbers of the platoons sent out did not match the numbers they remembered. It was not unusual for the only survivor, out of a group of ten men, to remember the existence of only one or two of his companions. For the same reason it was theorized that the White Whale was capable of eliminating the existence of the people it killed with its fog, since those who died in other ways were indeed remembered... But..."

"But?" Anastasia queried, in response to Marcos' pause. Subaru, who had already partly understood what happened to Crusch Karsten, stared at the captain of the Royal Guard.

"Through Wilhelm we learned that the whale was not the only one with the capacity to erase the memories of a person's existence. Gluttony... The Archbishop of Gluttony was also able to do this. Which is consistent with his claim that the White Whale was his pet. Wilhelm held a deep grudge against the whale, all of us who knew him when he was a knight know how much the death of the previous Sword Saint touched him. So I am not surprised that he so swiftly murdered the Archbishop of Gluttony."

"Wilhelm-san managed to murder one of the Sin Archbishops?" Julius asked, stunned. And not because he doubted the prowess of the aged swordsman, but because, despite his age, Wilhelm Van Astrea had succeeded in killing the White Whale, which had terrorized the world for four hundred years, and one of the dreaded and little-known Sin Archbishops of the Witch Cult, known for defeating huge groups of experienced warriors on their own, the very same day.

"That is correct. We do not know much about what took place, only that he killed him and later confronted Greed, but that the latter's ability gave him a kind of vulnerability; something that prevented Wilhelm from harming him and made the blade of the sword be repelled by his body. This is how Wilhelm himself described it."

"But… did the Archbishop of Gluttony also snatch the existence of other warriors under Wilhelm-san's command?" Anastasia then asked, out of curiosity.

"Yes, indeed he did, Anastasia-sama. That is what I meant when I said that some survivors were still too disoriented to be questioned about what had happened. This is because apparently Gluttony's ability not only allowed him to remove someone from existence itself, but also to take away their memories." In the face of Marcos' words, the three-present remained in profound silence.

Subaru, who had gotten goose bumps just thinking about the possibility of encountering an enemy like that, realized something that made him come out of the trance he was in. " You speak as if those affected by the ability of the Archbishop of Gluttony were fine..."

"You are perceptive, boy! Right, it seems that killing Gluttony was enough for the people affected by it to be remembered again and to recover their memory. Although it should be noted that not everyone suffered from both effects, some only lost their memory and others were forgotten. We do not know what could have happened to those who suffered from both at the same time, but we assume that nothing good could have come of it. We also do not know if all those from whom Gluttony took something were recovered, but in this case it is difficult to ascertain, since we simply have no way of determining it..."

"So apparently, killing the Archbishop of Gluttony was the way to give back to his victims what they lost…" Julius summed up. "In that case, what happened to the victims of the White Whale?"

"So far we don't know... In order to be affected by the ability of the White Whale, one had to die, so it is difficult to assess if anything has changed; and with the enormous losses they suffered during the combat, it is almost impossible to establish if members of a platoon were obliterated by the fog..." Marcos replied, absorbed. After a moment in silence, the knight continued. "We will be vigilant about the repercussions of what happened yesterday. The deaths of a Sin Archbishop and the White Whale are excellent news, but they will come hand in hand with a great commotion. We don't know how many people were eliminated from existence or lost their memories because of them, so I'm sure the kingdom will have its hands full dealing with it as those forgotten by the collective memory resurface..."

After that, the conversation continued, but Subaru paid little attention. His mind had drifted. Crusch Karsten had been forgotten, and despite the fact that more than a day had passed since he realized it, no one seemed to remember her again. Not only did Subaru not understand why he was the only one capable of doing so, but neither did he understand why her name simply did not come back to the memory of others.

Crusch Karsten, like Anastasia, was a candidate for the Royal Selection, so she was a vital person to the Kingdom of Lugunica. And yet, no one seemed to notice her disappearance. No one, except him. Perhaps this was because she had been killed by the whale, and not by the Archbishop of Gluttony; which implied that murdering the whale was not enough for her to be remembered. There was nothing that could be done, nothing except...

When they returned to the mansion, Subaru quickly bid farewell to Anastasia, as well as Mimi, Ricardo and Julius, who had been discharged. In complete solitude, he began to walk through the darkened corridors of Anastasia's mansion. The midnight bell was about to ring, so it was to be expected that very few lights would remain on. After all, the journey to or from the place where the battle with the whale took place and the capital of Lugunica is almost two days long.

Thanks to the treatment of the kingdom's healers, Julius's foot had been healed, as had Ricardo's mouth. Now they, and Mimi, who had undergone extreme exhaustion, would only need a week's rest to recover and return to their jobs. Even Julius, who had been reprimanded for not reporting his actions during working period, could return to his duties as Anastasia's knight without problem.

In the end, everything had turned out well for Anastasia Hoshin's faction. Although the same could not be said of Crusch Karsten's faction. Their leader had died during the battle against the White Whale, their greatest fighter succumbed to the power of the mysterious Witch Cult and the knight... Crusch's best knight was in a catatonic state. Subaru had not seen him, but he had heard about it during a conversation between Julius and Marcos, when the former was being discharged.

The reason behind Felix Argyle's condition was unknown, but the hypothesis that had been formulated, based partly on what had been gathered from a comment Wilhelm had made to a Fang of Iron healer, was that a person close to both died due to the annihilating fog of the White Whale; a person that only Subaru could remember. That person was so important, that his mind was unable to fill in the gaps left in his memory. This was the theory of the best healers in the kingdom; healers far behind Felix in the use of healing magic.

Another loss that the kingdom would greatly resent. In the end, that was the best way to define the results of the hunt; a victory tainted by losses. And this is exactly why Subaru was so overwhelmed. He had the power to reverse all that, but he was not doing it; he was not even considering doing it. His selfishness... His selfishness is what prevented him from ending his own life, to remake the world and recover the dozens of lives lost.

Anastasia had made a deal with Crusch… In exchange for treating Hetaro's injuries, Anastasia would lend her forces to Crusch with the aim of defeating the White Whale. And did not he count as part of Anastasia Hoshin's forces? Perhaps not like the Fang of Iron or Julius did, but he was an employee of her, and reversing what happened could be considered, to some extent, his duty. But he was not willing to do so, simply because he feared death.

"I'm doing it for her…" He whispered, as he leaned against the wall in one of the dimly lit corridors and plopped himself down. His lower back touched the floor and he looked up. In front of Subaru was a window, from which he could see the bright moon. After two days, the Moon had finally shown itself, revealing itself in the midst of the fog that was finally beginning to recede. "For her… For Anastasia… I'm doing it for her."

Subaru then began to repeat the same phrase, with the purpose of convincing himself that the only reason he was not using Return by Death, was because of Anastasia. He would not help the faction of Crusch Karsten, the faction that cured Hetaro, because not doing so would benefit Anastasia. For her... for her... for her... for her...

Crusch Karsten was Anastasia's strongest rival. Felt was apparently frowned upon by the nobility because of her anarchist ideology, Emilia did not receive much support because of her blood, and rumors circulated about how the candidate unknown to him had murdered her previous husbands to amass a large fortune. Only Crusch posed a danger to Anastasia's goals, and now that she had disappeared, his employer would have the opportunity to easily take the throne.

Yes, it should be like that. He had promised to help Anastasia achieve her goals, he wanted to help her achieve that which would make her feel complete. He would achieve his goals through her, so it was paramount that she wins the Royal Selection and now... For her, for her, for her, for her... For Anastasia, for Anastasia, for Anastasia, for Anastasia, for Anastasia, for Anastasia, for Anastasia, for Anastasia.

Anastasia had been there for him; Anastasia had helped him up and set him on the path to his happy ending. He wished to repay the kindness of the greedy girl, and would begin by ignoring the death of her strongest opponent in the Royal Selection. As only he remembered her, if he simply cast aside her existence, then it would have been as if she had never been born in the first place.

That was politics, he just had to do nothing... He just had to keep on living, it was that simple. He was doing it for her, not for him, for her, for Anastasia... Not because he was afraid... Not because he was afraid of breaking-down... Not because he was terrified of death... Not because he was horrified by the possibility of losing himself... Not because he was weak... For her...

Subaru kept repeating the same phrase over and over, while instinctively reaching into one of his pants pockets with his right hand. As he did so, he could feel a piece of paper, which he immediately took in his hand. It was a folded sheet of paper, which he carefully unfurled. Once it was completely unfolded, he laid his eyes on a sketch; one that was much more detailed than any other he had drawn.

"For her…" He kept repeating, a cracked smile creeping up his face. In front of him was the final design of the weapon he had devised shortly after arriving at Kyo. Now, a month and a half after accepting that he would need a way to defend himself, the design was completely finished. He just needed to find someone discreet within the craft and smithy department, and he could bring his weapon to life...

Maybe Leith, he thought; but remembering the condescending expression on his partner's face, he felt revulsion creeping up his throat. The feeling of discomfort was beginning to turn into a fire of anger that coursed through his veins as if it were poison, as if something had begun to take control of him, at which point a voice caused him to react.

"Subaru? Subaru, what are you doing here?" It was Julius, who was standing a few meters away from him.

"Me?" Subaru asked himself, slightly disoriented. But, upon realizing where he was and in what state, Subaru quickly returned the sketch to his pocket and stood up. Feeling nervous at the scrutinizing gaze of the knight, who had clearly observed the paper he suspiciously tucked away, Subaru remained silent. He remained in an uncomfortable silence until he finally understood where he was. "What are you doing here, Julius? This corridor leads directly to the courtyard, doesn't it? Shouldn't you be in bed resting?"

"I…" Subaru, for the first time since meeting him, saw the knight hesitate. What Julius was planning to do was obvious. With his hand he was clutching the handle of his sword and was wearing training clothes. Although Marcos had ordered him to steer clear of combat and, of course, of any physical activity, including training, Julius planned to precisely do the latter.

"You wanna go training, don't you?" Subaru knew he was asking the obvious, but that wasn't all he wanted to say… "You feel defeated, don't you? You feel that you are not living up to your title as Anastasia's best knight. You feel you are weak, Julius. You feel useless, unfit..." Julius grimaced, but did not contradict him. Of course, Subaru had heard about what happened from Marcos, and knew the knight well enough to assume that he would be frustrated with the outcome; it was verging on the logical. But it went a little beyond... Julius' gaze, barely visible by the lunar light, Subaru had seen it many times in the mirror; it was a gaze that did not fit the unflappable knight... Subaru smiled sorrowfully. "Well, welcome to the club. There are two of us who feel that way. And you are one of the best knights in the kingdom, so imagine how a worthless wretch like me feels like."

"Subaru..." Julius finally responded. "I don't think you're worthless. You may not be skilled in combat, but your value, your worth lies in another-

"Julius..." But before Julius could finish his rebuttal founded on empty flattery, Subaru stopped him. "Could I train with you?"

For a brief moment, Julius failed to comprehend what he had heard. However, when he exchanged glances with Subaru, he caught a glimpse of it. The determination about which he had argued with him months ago, shortly before the attack on the hotel. The determination of someone unwilling to accept his weaknesses and powerlessness.

"Fine, but do not think that I'm going to go easy on you just because you don't know anything about swordplay." And so these two men of wounded spirit walked side by side toward the promise of a better version of themselves; not knowing that such a path could become more convoluted than the one they had traveled so far. The promise of a better future would always come at an enormous cost.

END OF ARC II