Birth of a New Sin
Zero Days since the Last Death (Twenty-five Deaths)
He was weak, extremely weak. There was nothing he could do to change the destiny that was already written, he was powerless to change fate. Never before in his life had he been so repulsed by his despicable, pathetic weakness as he was at that moment. He had the power to Return by Death, he had the power to return to a point in time prior to his death, and yet he was unable to change anything. He was powerless, extremely and painfully powerless.
"... Why, when you relieve the pain in my body and heal the burns caused by the explosion, don't you make the previous wounds on my arms disappear?" Subaru asked Pandora, watching her apathetically.
"Is that what you want? For me to heal those wounds? Because I am certain that you do not. Those marks on your arms are important to you, are they not? I can see it in your eyes. They are a reminder that you are alive because you have sinned. They remind you that you are a sinner, a sinner like all my Archbishops. You have sinned just like us, you have corrupted your own soul... Do you really not consider that you have been living a lie, Natsuki Subaru? Don't you think you would feel better surrounded by people like yourself?" Pandora questioned him, her arms wide open towards him, as if telling him to come to her and let himself be ensnared by her grasp.
"I'm NOTHING like you bunch of sickos! And I'd never feel good surrounded by fucking freaks!" Subaru yelled, bursting with wrath.
In a flash, Subaru aimed the barrel of the firearm at his chest and pulled the trigger, desperate to escape from there, from that conversation; deep down Subaru knew that he was beginning to be swayed by Pandora's silver tongue. The cycle of death was further than ever from ending.
Zero Days since the Last Death (Twenty-Seven Deaths)
"... Pandora... What exactly is your Authority's ability? Are you responsible for all the cultists vanishing, just as you did with the wounds I received from the explosion? Did you do the same with the Archbishop of Gluttony and Anastasia? Is that why I can't find any clue as to where he might have escaped to or where she could be?"
"I do not recall ever healing your wounds."
"Shut the fuck up! Just answer what I asked you!"
"You need not know about my Authority, Natsuki Subaru, so I shall not answer your questions. After all, only you can alter her destiny."
"Damn useless witch! Dammit... I need to think of something, I'm already starting to get stuck... Shit! Shit! SHIT! How can I be so stupid! I forgot again that I could use the metia to call Halibel! I'll have to start over!"
"That shan't do; as long as you refuse to accept my offer, you shall not find a way to solve your problems!"
"... If we blow up together, will you be able to save us?"
"If your desire is to end your own life, I shall not impede it."
"Tsh! I hope the next time we meet, you'll turn out to be more helpful."
Zero Days since the Last Death (Twenty-Eight Deaths)
"... Pick up, pick up, pick up!"
"... Huh? Su-san?! Did somethin' happen? I'm a bit busy at the moment, I just found Emilia-sama n' Ram-san, and I'm on my way to-"
"Make sure Mimi's healed as soon as possible! And look hard for some purple-haired girl and the cultist who attacked the candidates! If you don't find them, look for any witnesses who saw them or any other clues to their whereabouts! Also ask Felt about them if you ever see her again!"
"Felt-sama? I ran into her just a little while ago. It seems she was able to escape from the attacker and was lookin' fer someone to come to the rescue of Emilia-sama and her maid. However, the Sword Saint appeared out of nowhere and took her away from the castle, so I don't think I can talk to her. He looked kinda surprised to see me, but in the end he asked me to search for survivors and take 'em to the castle garden, so that's where I'm takin' Emilia-sama and Ram-san."
"Shit... Reinhard, that son of a bitch... Forget it then, focus on getting Mimi healed as quickly as possible, and looking for the purple-haired girl and the cultist who attacked them or any clues that could lead us to either of them. And the purple-haired girl may not seem that important, but you should prioritize finding her once you've made sure Mimi is in good hands! Use all the clones you can to achieve it, that's your new mission."
"Got it, Su-san... Just let me ask ya one thing. Did ya've another vision? You talk as if you're aware of everythin' that happened."
"Yes, that's why I'm telling you that you must do those things I asked you to do. They're crucial for us to achieve our goal."
"I see... Still, Su-san... I didn't want to say it, but surely you must already know... Lil' Mimi wasn't in a good condition... I don't think-"
"I know, damn it! You just focus on doing what I told you! And don't forget to prioritize the search for the purple-haired girl! Once Mimi is being treated by enough healers, go in search of that girl personally! If you find someone who resembles her, don't hesitate to call me! I'll be there in about fifteen minutes!"
"Understood, I'll work hard to live up to yer expectations, Su-san!"
"..."
"If that doesn't work, I'll have to start from zero once again..."
"It will not, and you are aware of it.. Only you can alter destiny, Natsuki Subaru."
"Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up..."
Thirty Minutes since the Last Death (Thirty Deaths)
"...Su-san... You look like shit. Don't ya think you'd rest. Lil' Mimi just passed away and I think-"
"Shut up and tell me one more time how the hell it all happened! And don't leave out a single detail! You're the only one who can give me the information I need! I tried to make Emilia talk, I tried to wake Ram up, but it was all useless...! So I can only rely on you, Hal-san, I need you to squeeze your mind, search through your memories, maybe the answer can be found there!"
"You tried to make Emilia-sama talk and wake Ram-san up? The answer...? What'cha talkin' about, Su-san? When did ya do all that? And what do you mean by one more time? I haven't told ya anythin' yet. When ya contacted me through the metia you didn't give me the opportunity to do so. Does it have somethin' ta do with your Divine Protection?"
"Tsh! Damn it! You just tell me absolutely everything that happened from the moment you made it to the castle, Halibel! Can't you see that time's running out?! Fuck! If I'm not constantly restarting the loop, there's a chance that Pandora or Satella will change the save point on a whim... If that were to happen, all would finally be lost... No, no, no! I don't know how long that Witch of Vanity's patience will last, maybe there's a limit to how many times I can try to overcome her stupid ordeal. Does she even have control over the save points? I could ask her, but she's unlikely to answer sincerely... So hurry up and give me the information, Halibel!"
"Ordeal? Pandora? Save point? Witch of Vanity?! SATELLA...?! Su-san... I really don' get what you're on 'bout, but I'm really worried about yer mental health... Look, I'm truly sorry that I couldn't do anythin' to prevent little Mimi's death, sorry that I was unable to find out anythin' 'bout the purple-haired girl or the cultist who attacked the candidates, Su-san. But I insist dat ya should-"
"Dammit, Halibel, stop asking worthless stupid questions already! YOU JUST TELL ME IN DETAIL EVERYTHING YOU KNOW!"
Five Minutes since the Last Death (Thirty-two Deaths)
"... You want me to tell ya in detail what happened?"
"Yes, don't omit a single thing."
"Ehmm... Yeah, if that's what you want, kid. Still, won'tcha tell me what happened with Utada?"
"That doesn't matter now, Ricardo! He probably died at Capella's hands! That bitch said he's alive, but I wouldn't be surprised if she'd lied!"
"The fuck ya talkin' about, boy? Capella? The Archbishop of Lust? You left him alone fightin' with her and ya act like ya don't care what mighta happened to him? And ya also don' seem to give a damn 'bout what happened to my comrades!"
"Cause I don't care, Ricardo, they were nothing but fucking cannon fodder! So get to the fucking point and tell me everything that happened after we split up!"
"Y'know, kid. I always had patience with ya because I knew you're sick in da head, but this's the last straw. Get lost, I won't tell ya anythin'."
"You're fucking useless, Ricardo! Anyway, I'll try again after I go see Mimi... By the way, she's dead! And it's your fault for sending her alone to protect Anastasia!"
Zero Days Since the Last Death (Thirty-Seven Deaths)
"... Do you not understand, Natsuki Subaru? Only by joining the Witch Cult will you accomplish all that you desire, only by becoming one of my Sin Archbishops will you attain your goals. Accepting the power that I offer you is the only way in which you shall be able to solve all the problems that distress you. Only in this way shall you be able to regain what you lost."
"Shut the hell up! I'm tired of saying the same thing! I've told you a thousand times, I won't accept your offer! You're the one who's fucking responsible for all this! You solve it!"
"No interference shall be made in the affairs of the anomaly. I was the one who issued that order, but I am not exempt from being bound by it. Only you alone shall be able to right her destiny, only you can return to her what she has lost."
"You may be a damn witch, but I doubt this power you speak of is capable of reviving the dead! Is that what you'll give me?!"
"No, you are quite mistaken, Natsuki Subaru. The power I speak of shall only bring you back to the person you admire most, the person you are most loyal to, the person you adore most, the person you love most."
"Tch! Well, that person won't be satisfied if she loses her favorite bodyguard, that's how greedy she is! So I'm compelled to refuse once again!"
"Don't do it, do not return to the castle; thereby you will only prolong your suffering by using your Authority of Envy. Without the power I offer you, you will not succeed in avoiding the misfortune that has befallen that place. In the end, you will end up breaking down and, seeing yourself cornered, you will be forced to accept my proposal; is it not preferable to accept now and avoid all the suffering that awaits you in that accursed castle?
"And who was it that cursed it...? I won't accept."
"You shall return and return and return, in an endless cycle, until you accept, that is your fate. Has been since your baptism into the cult, Natsuki Subaru."
"Drop dead, you fucking lunatic witch!"
Twenty-five Minutes since the Last Death (Forty Deaths)
"... I-I… I couldn't do anythin'... That she's lasted so long alive is a miracle in itself."
"It's probably due to her Divine Protection... I've been thinking about it and there's no other possible explanation. And considering how it works, it's likely that Tivey and Hetaro died as well. After all, all the damage received by one of the triplets is divided among the others..."
"S-Subaru-sama... Is what ya say true…? Heck, I-I hadn't even considered it!"
"Of course you didn't, I didn't at first either. But eventually it dawned on me. Hell... You really are just like me, Kitzu. A useless fucker. If only Felix was in condition to use his magic... Maybe with more time I could've found a way to bring him here, but just trying to go to the Karsten Mansion to find out where he's now took me too much time. When I tried to get in, they mistook me for a witch cultist and attacked me on the spot even though I told them I wasn't one..."
"W-What're you talkin' about, Subaru-sama? I'm really not followin' anythin' you're sayin' to me. Still... I really regret that I was unable to save Mimi-chan. I totally agree with ya, I'm useless; I'm nothin' compared to the great Blue."
"Indeed, you aren't... Now let me start over."
"Subaru-sama, what'cha gonna do with that strange weapon of y-?"
Ten Minutes since the Last Death (Forty-One Deaths)
"... Hmm... Pandora really wasn't lying, there's no sign of Capella either. To have died fighting her would have been... kinda interesting... Sigh... Anyway... It really doesn't matter how much I search the castle, it's like Anastasia has vanished. I haven't been able to find any trace of Gluttony either; considering his Authority though, it's understandable that no one remembers him. Hell, I thought I'd find some clue if I retraced my steps, but it's really no use. I don't get it, why Julius is in the castle and Anastasia isn't?! If Gluttony kidnapped her... Shit, Halibel's clone wouldn't have allowed it, would he? And if Gluttony really has her... No, there's no point thinking about that, I've to focus on finding a way to locate them..."
"S-Subaru-sama, you're alive!"
"Eh...? Oh! You four are from the group of mercenaries who stayed in the castle! What are you doing here? And that's Utada you've got there, isn't it? Shit, Pandora didn't lie when she said that he'd narrowly survived either."
"Y-Ya see, Subaru-sama, a while after the captain, you and the others left for the castle, Hetaro-sama and Tivey-sama started to feel very unwell. They told us that somethin' bad had happened with Miss Mimi... We waited fer them to get better, but they've only gotten worse, so fearin' for y'all and Miss Mimi we decided to head ta the castle..."
"And it was then that we came upon Utada-san in this state. Do y'know what's happened? Do y'know where the captain n' the others are?"
"Then I was right... Shit! Shit! SHIT! Fuck that goddamn piece of shit witch...!"
"..."
"Sigh... Hmm... Are any of you healing magic users?"
"I-I am, Subaru-sama. I already cast some healin' magic on Utada-san, in case you're wonderin'! Still, healin' the rest of his wounds will require more help, so I and one more, we haven't decided on who yet, will return to the mansion with him."
"Hmm... Maybe with a little more time... No, it's useless, if he can't even completely heal Utada's wounds by himself..."
"¿S-Subaru-sama?"
"Fuckin' hell, how is it that in such a hostile world there're so many weak people! And yet, I'm the weakest of all! How disgustingly powerless I am! Everything I do is mediocre! Even this damn weapon that is only good for self-immolation! DAMN IT! I'll have to start all over again!"
Zero Days since the Last Death (Forty-Five Deaths)
"Why am I the only wretch who remembers everything? Why am I the only one who remembers them? Why am I the only one who must bear the responsibility of fixing their destinies? Why am I the only one who must suffer the pain of their absence? Why am I the only one who senses the immense void they've left? I can't save Mimi or the rest of the shrimpies! I can't find Anastasia either, no matter how hard I look! It's not fair! It's so fuckin' UNFAIR!"
Subaru once again exploded in front of Pandora, however, this time it was not in a literal sense. Subaru fell to the ground, as he lamented his pathetic luck. Fate had made a terrible ally, and together they had orchestrated a plan to break him even more than he already was. He was tired... He was fed up... He had died more times than he could count and had not managed to take a single step towards his goals; on the contrary, the only thing he had achieved was to move away from his "happy ending".
Searching had proved futile, questioning those who might have information about what had happened in the castle had been a waste of time. His questions were piling up, as were his feelings of frustration and despair. He was a rat cornered in a dead end, with nowhere to move to. Trying to obtain information from Pandora was increasingly pointless.
He had inquired Pandora about the whereabouts of Anastasia and Gluttony, he had questioned her if she had anything to do with Anastasia's disappearance, her answer had been the same; only by agreeing to join the Witch Cult would he find the answer. He had also asked if by joining the cult, she could revive Mimi, but once again she had insisted that she would not interfere, only he would change the destiny, and he would only change the destiny of the one he adored the most.
Pandora had even implied that she would not answer any of his questions regarding what happened in the castle or to those who were there during the Ordeal, that by accepting the deal he would get the power to get the answers himself. Was she fucking kidding him? More than once he had been killed by one of the knights when infiltrating the castle. Would she really grant him a power that would allow him to overcome the dangers of that hostile world? Did he want this to be true? Or did he not? Subaru was at a loss as to what to think about this...
Subaru could feel it burning fiercely inside him; envy towards those who were capable of dying, envy towards those capable of fleeing, envy towards those capable of conveying what they felt, regardless of whether they chose to do so or not. Wrath, hatred, pain, agony, envy, burned brightly in Subaru's core, threatening to engulf him with an amalgam of suicidal pessimism. If only I could die; Subaru thought longingly.
He really yearned to put an end to his suffering. It was impossible, his weakness was too overwhelming, his weakness was supreme. His eternal weakness was no different than a black hole that sucked out what little positive that characterized him as an individual. And for that he loathed himself. He hated being unable to change the terrible situation that awaited him in the castle, hated being unable to make the time he had mean anything. He hated that lately he had only had meaningless and worthless deaths.
He hated himself and envied the others. He especially envied the ignorance and incomprehension with which they viewed him. He envied all those who, ignorant, did not fear the dark future that constantly loomed over them. If only he could speak of his power, if only he could make them understand him, perhaps they would be more cooperative with him. How many times had he been killed because he had not been allowed to explain himself? Enough times to get lost among the dozen or so suicides.
The guard at Karsten Mansion. One of the royal knights when attempting to commit suicide in the tent. One of the knights when sneaking into the castle to look for Anastasia. The guard guarding the bridge to the castle when he had used Shamak to slip past him. A minute or two had really made a difference to how they treated him... However, no matter the particular circumstances of each loop, in the end they all looked at him with the same condescending look of incomprehension; as if he was a freak.
If only they could feel what he felt, if only they could suffer what he suffered, if only they could experience what he experienced, if only they could remember what he remembered... Maybe if they did, they would understand... That longing he once felt loops back, when he suffered a panic attack in Leith's house, returned with a vengeance. Subaru really wished he had the power to change things, the power to share his suffering and make them empathize with him, to force them to genuinely empathize with him. Maybe if he accepted Pandora's deal... But no, Subaru was not willing to please with his actions the witch who had put him in that dilemma in the first place.
"You could do it... You could share what you feel with those who surround you... But first it will be necessary for you to accept-"
"I won't do it! I'll find a way to make it on my own! You're my enemy, Pandora, the one responsible for me being here, dealing with all this suffering! No... no... no...!"
Fifteen Minutes since the Last Death (Forty-Eight Deaths)
"Fuck, I have to keep trying! But I... I... I... I can't... I can't take it anymore. I'm fed up with all this... Julius, Mimi, Anastasia... I really wish I was able to do something for you. I owe you so much and I can't find a way to pay you back for it. M-Mimi... I'm sick of watching you die! Shit, I can't take it anymore! If I hadn't been so selfish, so fucking gutless... Julius, why don't you wake up no matter what I do?! Anastasia?! Anastasia?! Anastasia?! Anastasia?! Anastasia?! Anastasia?! Where are you?! I need you, I need you to tell me that I can do it, I need you to give me your encouragement... But I've searched for you, and searched and searched, always in vain. It's as if you have vanished completely! I've tried and tried and tried and tried and tried... But it's no use! I'm unable to change anything by myself even though I've been both cursed and blessed with Return by Death! I hate myself! I hate myself! I hate myself! I hate myself! I hate myself! I hate myself! I hate myself! I hate myself! Damn it, why can't I do anything for them... WHY...?! I can't do this anymore... I can't keep trying to do everything alone... Still, there's no one able to help me... No one understands me, no one understands what I'm going through... I don't know how long I've been trapped in this cycle of death... How many loops have passed...? If only they could understand me, they wouldn't see me that way, as if I were crazy... If only they could suffer the same as me, if only they could empathize in a true sense with me... Dammit... I feel as if my very existence is being diluted in the waters of death... Before I know it, I'm sure I will've ceased to be myself... I'm fucking sick of this! Halibel was right, this unfounded pride of mine is a pain in the ass. I should agree at once and accept Pandora's deal. After all, I have nothing left to lose... Yet... One last time, I have to try... No, I have to keep trying... If I accept, she'll have won... Though... Does it really matter? I don't care who wins or loses, as long as I can get them back... Yes, with that power I could take revenge, I could hunt down the Client, Capella and the Archbishop of Gluttony... I could wrest from Gluttony the memories he stole from Anastasia and Julius... Yes... If only I'd take revenge, I might find even a little peace of mind..."
"Ehmm... Could you move aside? You're blocking the way."
"Hmm? Ah! You must be the convoy of cowards trying to escape from the capital."
"..."
"Why are you looking at me like that? That's what you're doing! You, the noble, rich and powerful people of Lugunica are running away from the city with your tails between your legs, abandoning the slaughtered people to their fate! You're all selfish bastards!"
"..."
"Why are you looking at me like that?! Stop looking at me like you pity me! Stop looking at me like I disgust you! Stop looking at me like I've lost my mind! I wish you could feel what I've felt. If I'd share a bit of what I have suffered with you, you'd all go crazy and escape reality in your own minds, I'm sure of it. Like chimpanzees in a cage, you'll lose control of your bowels and start wallowing in your own shit! I'm sure of it! I curse all of you who have the option to evade your responsibilities... I... I'm trapped in this cursed infinite loop of suffering!"
"We don't give a damn about anything a lunatic like you has to say, get the heck out of the way! Can't you see that you and your earth dragon are standing in the middle of the road and blocking the carriages from passing through?!"
"... If only you people could feel what I feel, you wouldn't call me a lunatic so easily... Shit... Maybe Pandora was right... Maybe I am like them... No, no, no, no, no... I haven't done anything yet for which I'd be labeled a monster, I've just minded my own damn business. The fault lies with all of them, the cultists, the nobles, the weak people..."
"If you don't move out of the way at once, then I'll be forced to make you and your earth dragon move!"
"Shit... What's the answer? What should I do? I'm not sure anymore... If I wasn't so weak, maybe I would've already found the answer by myself... I'm so helpless; a good-for-nothing... I'm not even able to put Return by Death to good use... Damn, I'll have to start from scratch!"
"Dammit, get the heck out of...! Huh? What the fuck are you gonna do with that?! Oi! O-!"
Zero Days since the Last Death (Fifty Deaths)
Subaru could feel it, the hatred, the pain, the suffering... He could feel how his soul was decaying, how it was wearing out; he could perceive how his inner self was being eaten away by death itself. Each death was as agonizing as the first, yet he had learned to cope with it. It was not unlike how a sick person suffering from chronic pain would learn to cope with it, being aware that it would never let them repose in peace until their liberating death. The difference was that there was no medicine that could ease his agony.
His mind was already completely fragmented. His heart of stone had not withstood the pressure of fifty deaths and had been reduced to dust. While his soul was now so black that it was impossible to find a part uncorrupted by death; it could well be compared to the lungs of an elderly smoker. Subaru felt as if his existence was about to fade away. And yet, he had not been able to take a single step towards his goal; he had not managed to make the slightest progress.
Defeated, Subaru fell at Pandora's feet; literally. Subaru felt the dirt soiling his face, but he cared not. He felt exhausted. The desire to find Anastasia had only increased with each death and now he had been consumed by it. He wished to find her, wished to bring punishment to the one who had murdered Mimi and devoured Julius and Anastasia's existence. He wished to repay the Client guilty of his torture and Capella, who was the "mother" of the assassins who tortured him. His yearning for revenge had increased dangerously.
Now in his heart blazed a plethora of obsessive and poisonous desires, and one of the most perverse of them was to be able to force on those who gave him condescending glances, every time they saw him, all that he had felt throughout that endless cycle of death. He longed for power... He knew it from before that death cycle, he knew he was weak, but never before had it been so crystal clear to him just how weak he really was.
He had finally fully assimilated how overwhelmingly powerless he was. He was an insect, a worm, in a world of monsters... Without power he would achieve nothing. Without power he would amount to nothing. He was no different from shit on the side of the road, unable to do anything of value. His weakness only brought him suffering... And the truth is that he could not continue to endure so much physical and emotional pain...
"If I agree to join the Witch Cult, what kind of power will I receive for it?"
Perhaps because of that, perhaps because he longed for power to get Anastasia back, power to take revenge on the enemies who had brought so much suffering and despair into his pathetic life, he would finally be willing to accept that monster's deal. If Pandora truly granted him what he desired, then he would consider her the lesser of two evils and bow to her. He had taken pains to avoid asking that question, for he knew that if the answer was to his liking, there would be no turning back, the temptation would overcome him. However, he genuinely had nothing to lose anymore...
"At last we meet... It seems to me that the Ordeal I subjected you to has finally borne fruit." Pandora greeted him, pressing her palms together; her characteristic tranquil smile transformed into one of satisfaction. Everything had developed according to her expectations; Subaru knew it, and yet he could not help but feel annoyed for having been the cause of that look of satisfaction.
"Stick to answering my question, or else I may regret asking you that." Subaru replied peevishly, as he dismounted Patrasche and approached the witch.
"As you wish." Pandora said, bowing slightly; she was apparently in a better mood than usual, and this only served to worsen his mood. "The truth is, it is difficult to foretell how the Witch Factor of Wrath will manifest in your body the moment it is activated."
"Witch Factor of Wrath? Hmm... So is there any chance that I inherited Sirius' power? Hmm... It was mind control, right?" Subaru inquired, while rubbing his chin.
"It is quite understandable that you would consider it so, after all, her Authority of Wrath could indeed be considered a type of mind control. More accurately, however, her Authority allowed her control over the emotions and senses of those around her; with it she was able to transmit the emotions of one individual to another, or to a group of people, or even transmit her own. She was also able to make an emotion resonate among several people in a wide range around her."
"A-Are you serious?!" Subaru exclaimed, approaching Pandora to the point where their faces almost bumped into each other; for this, Subaru had leaned forward. "That sounds like an ability I'd like to have."
Pandora's smile widened, an aura of satisfaction steadily emanating from her. "Yes, an ability like that would be in keeping with someone like you. However, it is important for you to be mindful that how the Authority will manifest in you will depend on several factors, including your desires and emotions. Even so, you shan't be able to consciously decide what Authority ability the Witch Factor will grant you."
"I know, I know, you already said that to me." Subaru replied, again putting distance between himself and Pandora.
"I do not recall doing so." She said, smiling at him with false innocence.
"Tch! Forget it..." Subaru clicked his tongue as he frowned; it was evident that Pandora knew enough about Subaru and Return by Death, so as to understand that this was not the first time they had talked, nor the second, nor the tenth...
"Well then, what is your answer, Natsuki Subaru? Since you say that I had already spoken to you about the Authorities, therefore, I suppose that you know what I'm referring to." As she said this, Pandora reached out her arm towards Subaru. He watched Pandora's delicate hand for a second, and without moving, looked the witch straight in the eyes once again.
"Before I answer, I would like you to tell me something. You... You once told me that my fate was to accept your offer since my baptism into the cult. I'd been avoiding asking you about it, but to be honest I'd like to know what this baptism you were talking about is. Could you tell me what you meant by that?"
"Hmm... So I told you that... You see, the Ordeal I put you through consisted of several stages. First it was necessary to begin preparing you mentally for our meeting. Once you murdered one of the Sin Archbishops, you would finally be ready for me to show myself to you; you could consider this your baptism into the cult."
"Shit... Killing Petelgeuse was the point of no return... After that there was no turning back, huh?"
"No, Bishop Romanée-Conti is alive." Pandora replied, gently shaking her head; her long hair, like a pendulum, swung in unison.
"Wait, are you saying I didn't kill Petelgeuse?" Subaru had already suspected as much. After all, Sirius never said that Subaru had killed Petelgeuse, instead she claimed that he had killed his main finger. Still, he had to make sure.
"You only killed one of his fingers, his essence remains intact in another of his vessels." That meant that to finish him off, it would be necessary to kill all his fingers, which were his vessels; Subaru understood. Still, he quickly dismissed that idea, if he really joined the Witch Cult, he would rather not antagonize Sloth unless it became really necessary; therefore he would try to apologize for what happened the last time they met. "You might believe that he must be vulnerable at this point due to you and your allies having slain the only two fingers he recovered after his failed personal mission in the lands ruled by Margrave Roswaal L. Mathers, but make no mistake. The fewer fingers he has in his possession, the more concentrated the power of his Authority of Sloth is, and this makes him a most formidable foe."
"To create his fingers, he divides part of his power?"
"Indeed. It shall only be a matter of time before he re-gathers the fingers that make up his unseen hand... If you intend to act against him, you must bear in mind that you must do so before he does, not forgetting that, without his fingers, Bishop Romanée-Conti is at the pinnacle of his power."
"Why are you telling me that? Shouldn't you tell me that I'm forbidden to attack the other Sin Archbishops should I accept your deal."
"That shall not be necessary. After all, my Archbishops are free to act as they wish, provided they abide by their Gospel scriptures."
Subaru widened his eyes in shock at the revelation. "Are you saying that I can do as I please? Will I be able to make use of my potential position as Sin Archbishop to hunt down Gluttony and Lust without retaliation? Will I be able to recover the memories and existences stolen by Gluttony? Will I be able to exact my revenge?"
"It is inevitable that quarrels will arise in groups where diverse ideologies or points of view collide, so you can do whatever you see fit to achieve your personal goals." Growing dumbfounded, Subaru watched Pandora's face for any sign that she was lying. That seemed not to be the case... However, Subaru was startled to notice that a cold look abruptly took shape on Pandora's face, the smile on her lips had vanished. "But you must not forget my words, Natsuki Subaru. Shall you fail to abide by the scriptures of the Gospel that will be bestowed upon you, you shall be stripped of the Authority of Wrath that at this instant slumbers within you, and thus you shall lose the power necessary for you to attain your goals."
Daunted by that look of uncharacteristic seriousness on Pandora's face, Subaru swallowed audibly. "Ehm... If I were to join you, I would definitely take that into consideration." Subaru replied, causing the witch's characteristic tranquil countenance to return as suddenly as it disappeared. "Since you're okay with me going after your archbishops, couldn't you tell me about their weaknesses or how to find them easily? Or at least tell me who's the Client who hired Capella's assassins to kill me or if Gluttony has anything to do with Anastasia's disappearance. With that book of yours I'm sure you know all that."
Before even answering Subaru's question, Pandora gently shook her head. "To me, the Sin Archbishops are like my children, my most prized possessions; hence I give them the freedom to act as they please, and to deal with the consequences of their own actions. And for this very reason, I cannot give you information that they themselves are not willing to disclose. If you wish to know such things, you will have to find out about them for yourself." At Pandora's stoic gaze, Subaru cursed under his breath. It was obvious that would be her answer, but that made Subaru no less disappointed that he had not gotten that valuable information. Seeing that Subaru did not appear to be inclined to ask anything else, Pandora added. "... Are you ready, will you answer my question?"
Subaru, still feeling hesitant, began to search his mind for excuses to keep lengthening the conversation; which was ironic, due to the fact that throughout that cycle of death, he had always looked for ways to reduce the length of every conversation. "I still have questions to ask you."
"Please ask me anything you deem necessary, Natsuki Subaru. If I deem I can answer you, I shall." It was then that Subaru began to ask question after question, aiming to make enough time to decide once and for all what answer he would give Pandora.
"You say you can take away from me the Wrath Factor I received the moment I killed Sirius; could you do the same with the Authority of Envy?"
"No, that's a different matter altogether, since you do not possess the entire Envy Witch Factor, only the piece bestowed upon you by Satella. Only she can take it away from you."
"If I obtained the Wrath Witch Factor that Sirius had, does that mean that anyone who kills a Sin Archbishop will receive their Witch Factor? Could I steal their Witch Factors from the other Archbishops if I manage to kill them?"
"Only someone who is compatible with a Witch Factor may receive it, otherwise it would have to be forced into their body, and this usually turns out not so well for the host. If someone were to kill a Sin Archbishop and they were not compatible with their Witch Factor, then it would be hosted by the closest compatible individual... In your case, however, yes you could certainly obtain any Witch Factor; after all, to a greater or lesser extent, you are compatible with all sins. Naturally, one would expect no less from a Sage Candidate."
"Shit... I don't know how to feel about that... You'd already brought up that thing about the Sage Candidate; what does it mean? Does it have something to do with the sage from the legends who helped seal Satella?"
"Hmm... Unfortunately that is one of the subjects I cannot speak to you about. I shall only tell you this, the path you were following was leading you away from your destiny as a Sage, but if you accept my offer, it is possible for you to fulfill your destiny successfully."
"Forget it, none of that stuff is of interest to me... Pandora, you say I'm compatible with all the Witch Factors to a greater or lesser extent. How does this compatibility affect the Authorities? Does it affect their power?"
"No, compatibility has no relation whatsoever to the power of the Authority. After all, the Witch of Envy wields such overwhelming power that the Sage, the first Sword Saint and the Divine Dragon were unable to harm her flesh and were forced to seal her away, and she was incompatible with the Envy Factor. No... Compatibility is what control over Authority depends on. From what I can see, you possess excellent compatibility with Pride, you probably would have made an excellent Archbishop of Pride, sadly, the title is since taken."
"Shit... Once again the damn Pride... And wasn't the position of the Archbishop of Pride supposed to be vacant?"
"You shall have to find out about it for yourself or wait for the right time to learn about who represents Pride."
"In that case... Can't you tell me about the witches? What was the Authority of the Witch of Wrath like? Was there or is there a Witch of Melancholy?"
"I have no intention of disclosing to you information from the forgotten Witches of Sin... However, I would like to know why you assume that the Witch of Wrath no longer possesses her authority?"
"It's very simple, isn't it? If in order to hold a Witch Factor it's necessary to murder the previous holder, then the existence of six Sin Archbishops mean the death of six Witches of Sin. Only Satella, you, and a possible Witch of Melancholy should remain."
"Wonderful observation!"
"Could you not applaud? You make me feel like I'm a stupid kid who just got a question right that had an obvious answer."
"Why, you shoul not feel that way, that was not my intention... Well, I will tell you this, the Witch of Envy not only drained half of this world dry until it was reduced to a barren wasteland incompatible with life itself, but also, in a fit of uncontrollable jealousy, devoured the remaining Witches of Sin. Now, four hundred years after such event, only the Witch of Envy is remembered, and the other Witches of Sin have been long forgotten, erased from the annals of history. And it is best that it remains so, therefore I'm going to request you strongly that you do not divulge that information freely, or I shall find it necessary to adopt measures to silence you. If you must speak of it, do so only with someone who is willing to serve you as a witch cultist."
"You talk as if I've already agreed to join your club of lunatics."
"I can tell by the look in your eyes... You have already concluded that it is the only way you shall be able to attain what you yearn for."
Feeling overwhelmed by Pandora's words, Subaru heaved a deep sigh. "Tell me one last thing, will I be able to take revenge on Satella, on the Witch of Envy?"
"Hmm... Such a difficult question to answer. I'm not certain you shall be able to achieve that; nevertheless, I am certain that your wrath shall be able to reach every fool who dares to stand in your way."
"Fuck... If only I wasn't so weak..." Subaru muttered, feeling absolutely defeated. Subaru had understood from the moment he broke the first promise and ran away; no, he had even done it from before. He was weak, extremely weak; utterly powerless. And despite this, Subaru, blinded by his unfounded pride, had decided to pursue goals he could never achieve on his own. He had striven in vain and had fallen into a pathetic stagnation.
He had trained with the sword and had accomplished nothing of value. He had acquired a lesser spirit, and this had only been enough for him to develop mediocre magical skills. He had given up everything he held dear in favor of prioritizing a single person and her greedy destiny, realizing that he was too weak to protect all that he wished to protect, and yet he had failed Despite possessing Return by Death, he had been unable to change a single thing; nothing he had done in that world had amounted to anything.
"What is your answer, Natsuki Subaru? What shall you decide to do with your destiny?" He had agreed to be humbler the day he arrived in that world... It was time to act according to that resolution and accept that without help he could not achieve anything of what he had set out to accomplish. Without the power Pandora offered him, he could never regain what he had lost, he could never take revenge on those who had thrown him into that spiral of endless suffering.
"I accept... I will join your despicable Witch Cult" He would then accept Pandora's deal and become a Sin Archbishop.
Pandora stared intently at Subaru. "Hold this close to your body." She said, producing a black box from underneath the cloth that barely covered her slender body. "With this, the Wrath Witch Factor that dwells dormant within you shall be activated." The small wooden box was handed to Subaru, and so he opened it. Inside he could see some sort of black fluid that fluctuated between liquid and gaseous state. "Place the top of the box near your chest, so that its contents come in contact with your body, with your very soul." The witch instructed.
Subaru did not obey immediately. He silently gazed at the ominous black fluid. If by placing that near his chest he received the power he so desperately craved, then he would have no reason to loathe Pandora or want revenge on her as well; it could be claimed that they would be evenly matched. However, if the power he received did not fulfill his desires, Subaru would be determined to become the thorn in the Vanity Witch's side until his pathetic soul was completely consumed by the flames of hatred and death.
He had steeled his resolve anew; he must not forget, he had to do whatever was necessary to achieve his goal, even if it meant betraying himself. Subaru did as Pandora had indicated. He immediately felt the black poison seep into his body and envelop every shattered fragment of his being, until his entire being fell apart at last.
Subaru then waited for an unbearable pain to assail him, but no such thing happened. An unpleasant and peculiar sensation lingered in his chest, but other than that Subaru could not claim to feel any different than he usually did. "Usually, subsequent to baptism into the cult, the name of the new Sin Archbishop is usually altered slightly. However, there are exceptions, and you are one of them. Your name naturally already dovetails perfectly with our organization."
"..." Subaru silently stared at Pandora. Noticing that Subaru would not say a word, Pandora continued with her speech.
"As to this day there has never been an individual who possessed such a large fragment of the Witch Factor of Envy, the title of Archbishop of Envy has not been used since the birth of the Witch Cult. And whilst there was once a candidate to bear it, their fragment of the Witch Factor of Envy proved insufficient. However, you are an unusual individual, and therefore you shall be the first to bear this title. Also, if you so desire, you may call yourself Archbishop of Wrath. After all, you took that title for yourself."
Subaru perceived as if everything remained the same... But that only happened in a physical sense. Abruptly, the whirlwind of emotions that had plagued his being stopped. Of those conflicting voices advocating for Emilia and against her, the former had been on the verge of withering away for a while now. Nevertheless, it had persevered...
Until that moment, when it was rendered absolutely silent. It was then that Subaru could feel how that alienated fragment of his being corrupted more and more parts of his self, until his being was stained black and white. Finally all pointless bickering within his mind ceased. All unnecessary conflict taking place in his mind was ended. Subaru could finally feel in harmony; never before had he been so clear about what he should do...
"... I can feel it... I... I am capable of doing it." Subaru mumbled. "... If I burn, they'll burn with me."
Pandora, who had been watching Subaru curiously, gasped in surprise. Pandora's gaze met Subaru's; the witch caught a glimpse of a dangerous gleam in Subaru's eyes. And then it occurred. All of a sudden, blood began to gush from Pandora's pristine body. First her arms, drops of blood completely coated her forearms. Then her neck, where a line of blood formed. Finally, the cloth covering her was soaked with blood.
Pandora, undeterred, made the wounds disappear in the blink of an eye. However, new wounds soon appeared. Scratches on her forearms, cuts on her neck, slashes on her legs, a hole in her chest, burns on her arms... Her feet froze, she cried and vomited blood, her hair was scorched by the flames, covered with ice and then crumbled apart. Ultimately, her body was completely engulfed in blue flames that Pandora, for a single instant, was unable to extinguish.
It was in that minute instant that Subaru witnessed it. Subaru, for the first time since he began his eventful life in that world, was genuinely able to glimpse in Pandora's eyes a flash of suffering tantamount to that which he had silently experienced during fifty death loops. For the first time in his life, he was able to share all the pain he had come to feel, for the first time someone genuinely empathized with his excruciating suffering; Subaru cracked an ecstatic smile.
And thus, the Sin Archbishop of Wrath, the representative of Envy, Natsuki Subaru, is born...
It finally happened. To recover those who were taken from him, to avenge those he was unable to save, to make suffer those who made him suffer; without power, Subaru could never achieve this. Subaru finally realized that he was mired in eternal weakness, and that in order to escape this miredness, he would have to cast his morals and ethics aside.
He reached fifty deaths, and his mind couldn't take it anymore. Subaru is stubborn, but it was too late for him to overcome Pandora's Ordeal without accepting her offer, and he finally realized this. Subaru understood that without the help of the demon that manipulated him and trapped him in a cage of suffering, he would never break out of it; Pandora was the only one who possessed the metaphorical key. Subaru finally understood that alone he could never achieve anything. There, there lies his Humility. Humility...?
About the save point; it changed because he defeated Sirius and survived Capella, just like when he killed the White Whale in the LN. So in reality Pandora and Satella had nothing to do with it. Pandora didn't need the save point to change, Halibel would never have stopped Anastasia from being devoured, and that was the only condition for her victory. The rest was just plain bad luck.
And Mimi would have survived because Felix would have been in the castle to heal her. The candidates reunion would have happened anyway, but for the same reasons that Anastasia held it in the LN, and it would have been in the castle because of what happened in Priestella. About Anastasia... Next chapter you will've the answer.
Finally we are in the final stretch of arc 3, one more chapter and we'll finally be done. Anastasia, Mimi, Julius? To find out how many of them he will be able to save, you will've to read the last chapter of the arc. Anyway, as always, I hope you enjoyed the chapter, thank you for your support. Till next week.