ARC IV: The Witch Apostle's Odyssey
Farewell to Old Life
Hour and a Half since the Last Death (Fifty Deaths)
The last, dying rays of sunset light faded away from the sky. The heavenly cloak lost its beautiful crimson hue and was tinged with a bluish black, upon which small specks of light began to be slowly sprinkled. The first stars gradually began to emerge, whose light, together with the intense glow of the full moon, shone on the slaughtered capital of Lugunica.
The sun had finally achieved its goal; after long hours, it had managed to escape from the grotesque sight. Turning its back on the terrible massacre that had taken place under the warm rays of its light, the sun had relegated the responsibility of bearing witness to the harrowing results to the moon. Not even the sun had been able to stomach beholding such a horrific scene.
The cool evening breeze caressed Subaru's face, who diligently steered the earth dragon, which he had acquired a few hours ago, through the streets of the nobility's district. Those avenues paved by corpses were already left behind; however, the stench of death, the smell of blood still permeated that which at another time would have been a comforting night breeze.
The area of the nobility district they were in had not been as severely affected by the Witch Cult siege as others. The explanation as to why turned out to be a simple one. The death of Petelgeuse's main finger at the hands of Halibel, the death of Sirius caused by Subaru's reinvented weapon and his encounter with Pandora, which had led to the latter ordering her subordinates to withdraw. He who had been the reason for the siege, had been the reason for its conclusion.
Subaru gulped audibly. He felt as if, yet again, an enormous burden had been laid upon his heart and soul. The main reason he had chosen not to reinvent a firearm in the first place was to avoid becoming indirectly responsible for thousands of deaths, however, due to his anomalous nature in that world, such a thing ended up happening, nonetheless. He would be lying if he were to claim that he felt down about those strangers who had been slaughtered by the cult, after all, there was no emotional attachment that bound him to them, but the same could not be said for those loved ones he lost due to the siege.
Mimi, who had been murdered by Gluttony, and Julius, whose existence had been consumed by him. Hetaro and Tivey, who had most likely perished along with their sister due to the Divine Protection that bound them together as triplets. And although it did not concern him, Leith, the person who, together with Otto, had set him on the path that had finally begun to lead him to what he yearned for, had lost his family.
Subaru indeed could not claim to grieve for the deaths of those with whom he had no emotional attachment, however, knowing that he was indirectly responsible for so many deaths was certainly an enormous emotional burden for him. The very thought of it made him feel enormously overwhelmed, and caused his stomach to twist into knots and him to be plagued by terrible nausea. His very existence in that world had been the catalyst for such a gruesome massacre...
"... First Felix, then Mimi and Echidna, now Ricardo and probably Hetaro, Tivey, all the members of the Fang of Iron and the employees of my company as well. In such a short time almost everythin' I built up over so many years collapsed to the ground... So many years of effort have ended up in the trash."
Suddenly, Subaru was pulled out of his musings by the soft voice of his companion. The black-haired man looked behind him over his shoulder, where he could see the pale face of a beautiful violet-haired girl. Anastasia, who had a distressed expression etched on her face, forced herself to smile as she realized that Subaru was now looking at her. However, once again her efforts were in vain, as the smile that formed on her lips was nothing more than a broken one, devoid of any sign of genuine mirth.
"Ana... Anastasia..." Subaru stammered, as he rummaged through his own mind in search of the right words to comfort his sorrowful boss. However, the truth was that he failed to come up with anything he could say to her, only empty words, devoid of true emotion. Therefore, Subaru shook his head slightly and instead opted to simply share her grief. "You know, maybe I didn't get to know them as well as you did, but many of them, to a greater or lesser extent, influenced my life in a positive way. If it weren't for Mimi and-"
"..." Puzzled by Subaru's rather sudden pause, Anastasia tilted her head slightly to get a better perspective of his face. However, by the time the girl did this, Subaru had already resumed what he was saying.
"... If it weren't for Mimi and Tivey, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be here with you. They both gave me the emotional and physical strength I needed to overcome the challenges I faced today. And if it weren't for the help of Ricardo and the rest of the Fang of Iron guys, it's likely I would've never found ya..."
"But Ricardo, Tivey and the others haven't forgotten you... Your existence, your name wasn't devoured by Gluttony, so you'll be able to continue interacting with 'em as always." Anastasia countered, not entirely reassured by Subaru's attempt at consolation.
"Maybe they didn't forget me, like they forgot you, but that doesn't change anything, Anastasia. Once we leave together, I will never interact with any of them again. It could be months, maybe years. I don't know. The truth is, I won't see any of them again, I won't see any of those who have become important people to me, till I get your name back..." Subaru made a small pause, as if considering whether to say what he was about to say or not. After a few seconds he added bitterly. "And that includes Otto and Leith... You and I will get through this loneliness together; you won't have to do it alone, Anastasia."
"Natsuki-kun... I..." Shocked, Anastasia was unable to find the words with which to respond to Subaru.
Perhaps Subaru had not said anything particularly novel or special, and perhaps his words could well be considered cliché. But the truth was that that was how he felt at that moment. Besides, the perspective Subaru had given Anastasia with his words had indeed quelled, if only slightly, the feeling of loneliness that had gripped the business girl's heart.
"It'll be you and me, Anastasia. Supporting each other. And when we return to this city, you'll have your life back, everything you've strived for all your life. You will be able to enter your mansion as its rightful owner, and you will be able to talk to your employees as you always have. And those you won't be able to talk to... I'll be sure to have avenged them by then."
Mimi... Subaru would avenge Mimi's death. Subaru would make sure to make the last minutes of Gluttony's life the most excruciating of his whole despicable existence. Now that he had the power, the authority necessary to achieve it, he would not hesitate to exact his revenge. Likewise, he would avenge Hetaro and Tivey, but Subaru preferred not to express this in words. The truth was that Subaru, based on Anastasia's words, had understood that Anastasia had not yet realized all that Mimi's death truly entailed.
Anastasia had not yet grasped that Mimi's death, due to the Divine Protection that connected them, would lead to the death of the other triplets. And Subaru did not feel up to revealing that painful truth at that precise moment. Maybe waiting until they reached the mansion to do so was not the wisest idea, but he was still weak and lacked the guts to tell her sooner. So he would have no choice but to wait and ascertain personally with Anastasia the fate suffered by both triplets.
Nevertheless. "Anastasia." There was something about what Anastasia said that really caught his attention. "You say Felix was your knight?" He had not misheard, of that he was convinced, but he needed corroboration.
"Hum...? What a strange question you ask, Natsuki-kun. Course Felix's my..." Anastasia's certainty-laden reply was halted midway by Anastasia herself. A look of confusion took shape on her face, which quickly transmuted into one of understanding. "Is that a memory fabricated by the power of the Archbishop of Gluttony? Is that someone else my knight, Natsuki-kun? Answer me truthfully, please."
Subaru blinked, his focused gaze flickering between the path before him and the girl whose warmth was transmitted to him through the contact with his back. Anastasia was a perceptive girl, there was no need to lie to her, doing so would only cause Subaru more trouble, as it had happened to him before.
"You hit the nail on the head, Anastasia, I couldn't have expected anything less from you... Yes, you're right. Felix isn't your knight. Your knight was, and is, a proud, steadfast and righteous warrior, and one of the few people I truly consider a friend; he was also my mentor. Earlier, when I was telling you about the important people with whom, like you, I'll no longer be able to interact, I decided to avoid mentioning his name, 'cause I knew that saying it would've changed the course of the conversation, and before addressing that tricky subject, I first wanted to convey to you how I felt. But I guess now that you partially understand what happened, there's no point in hiding it any longer. Julius, Julius Juukulius is his name. Does it ring a bell?"
"I see... So that's why you made that odd pause..." Anastasia remarked, thoughtfully. "Hmm... Julius Juukulius...? Julius... No, I don't recall ever hearin' that name. Considering the circumstances, though, I've no reason to doubt the veracity of your words. This Julius of whom ya speak must be my true knight, then."
"Yes, he is. It seems he, like you, lost his name, but he also lost his memories, so now he's in a coma. But don't worry, when I kill Gluttony, I'll retrieve everything he stole; you and Julius will have your lives back."
"T-Thank ya, Natsuki-kun, I really appreciate your loyalty and determination." Anastasia replied, blushing slightly. Most certainly, Subaru's look brimming with conviction had been enough to convey to Anastasia the resolve that burned in his heart. "Still... I do notice a big change in your attitude, you seem more resolute than the last time I saw ya tis mornin'. Did something happen during the time we're apart? Besides... y'know..."
"A lotta things happened Anastasia, a lot of things I'd rather not have to talk about." Subaru's tone of voice suddenly grew ominous.
"Hmm... You really seem pretty confident that you won't have any problems when the time comes for us to meet the Archbishop of Gluttony." Anastasia insisted, ignoring Subaru's ominous remark. "If he was able to defeat my knight, who, going by what you say, was a great warrior, why're you so confident that you'll be able to defeat him? Ya aren't a warrior, Natsuki-kun. Or did that change during the time I was in the castle? Have ya obtained some strange power, perhaps?"
"Your greed for information's irredeemable, isn't it, Anastasia?" Subaru said defeatedly.
"My greed as a whole is irredeemable, you're right." Anastasia replied, satisfied, causing Subaru to heave a long sigh. This caused the smug expression that had appeared on Anastasia's face to fade, being replaced by one of nervousness. Anastasia continued hesitantly. "If ya really don' feel comfortable talking 'bout it, you don't have to force yourself to do it, Natsuki-kun. I also don't want to be rude to the person who's so determined to help me."
"You'll eventually find out..." Subaru finally said, thus calming Anastasia, who feared she had offended Subaru with her insistence for information. "This isn't the right time to tell you about this in detail, I'll do that later. So for now I'll just tell you that I not only joined the Witch Cult; I became one of its leaders. As of today, I am the Archbishop of Wrath... and Envy. And coupled with that title, I've been granted an unparalleled power. A power with which I believe I'll be able to subdue Gluttony, and also Lust. Besides, Halibel will be with us; so be at ease, Anastasia, we will definitely defeat Gluttony."
"A Sin Archbishop..." Anastasia muttered, shocked by the revelation. Subaru could not blame her for reacting that way. After all, as of a few days from now, Anastasia would be traveling alongside a freak, one of the greatest enemies of that world's society.
Two Hours since the Last Death (Fifty Deaths)
The silence remained undisturbed for the remainder of the journey to the mansion. The shock and awe that Subaru's revelation had inspired in Anastasia had barely subsided. Anastasia seemed to have digested the news that Subaru had joined the Witch Cult in order to pursue his goals considerably well, but the same could not be said for the revelation that he was now one of the deeply feared Sin Archbishops.
"Finally... We made it... We're back..." Subaru muttered, the facade of the mansion popping into his field of vision.
The grand and ostentatious Hoshin Mansion, bordered by a stone wall, the top of which was protected by a steel fence, consisting of multiple pointy steel rods placed in a row a short distance from each other, like spears ready to impale anyone who dared to try to penetrate the perimeter of the mansion. A black steel gate in the center of which was a coat of arms was the one that allowed prying eyes a glimpse of the luxurious ivory-white mansion.
As expected, security on the perimeter had been tightened, particularly at the steel gate connecting the mansion's garden to the streets and sidewalks of the nobility district. Up to ten guards, mercenaries of the Fang of Iron, were stationed there. Five were guarding the inner perimeter of the mansion from behind the gate, while the remaining five were guarding the outer perimeter.
Those mercenaries standing guard in front of the steel gate did not take long to notice the presence of Patrasche and the familiar person riding it. Despite his face was not being bathed in the brightness of the moon, owing to the blockage of the latter by an inopportune cloud, the mercenaries did not fail to recognize Subaru. Something not exactly surprising, considering their keen demi-human senses.
Subaru raised his hand in salute, a gesture that was returned by the mercenaries with a greeting of their own. It was then that Subaru took the time to scan the surroundings, dimly lit by a pair of magic stones, which he assumed, were installed by the mercenaries. Their white robes with orange accents were neat, in pristine condition. Added to this, the absence of hooded corpses or pools of blood, suggested to Subaru that the Witch Cult ultimately had not carried the massacre as far west as this area.
Yet again, the anomalous circumstances surrounding Subaru had influenced the lives of the people of that world. Those who lived west of the capital had managed to elude a terrible and grotesque fate by the skin of their teeth. Sighing heavily, Subaru pushed those thoughts away from his mind and signaled Patrasche to approach the mercenaries. These in turn reported Subaru's arrival to the guards behind the gates.
"Welcome back, Subaru-sama. Glad to see that you're well." With those words, Subaru was greeted by one the mercenaries, who had made room for Subaru so that he could make his way across the threshold of the entrance; the entrance gate had already been opened.
"Thank you." Replied Subaru, not eager to extend the conversation. Patrasche understood Subaru's intentions and started to walk into the garden of the mansion. However, they were stopped by one of the guards, who seemed to be particularly nervous.
"Subaru-sama, could ya please tell us about what went on in the castle? Where're the captain 'n' the others? A second group left to find out 'bout what happened, but they haven't returned either. You're the first of all those who left fer the castle ta have returned."
Subaru was sick of questions like these. He had had to answer them more times than he was willing to answer over the dozens of loops he went through before agreeing to Pandora's deal. Again and again and again he had been assaulted with questions of a similar nature. As a result, Subaru did not answer the guard willingly.
"Cause of the tight time frame, Utada and I split up from Ricardo's group. The two of us managed to defeat one Sin Archbishop, but ended up running into another and Utada stayed behind to allow me to make it to the castle. Ricardo and the others ran into an extremely powerful enemy and suffered several casualties. The survivors stayed in the castle in order to help the Kingdom Knights, and Ricardo went in search of Utada; he probably returned with him to the castle after finding him. That's all I can tell you. If you wish to know more, you can ask Ricardo when he returns; I don't think it will be too long before he comes back."
"G-Gotcha. It's regrettable to hear that they suffered casualties... Yet, it's amazin' that ya guys managed to defeat a Sin Archbishop. You're definitely the best when it comes to leadin' us ta victory, Subaru-sama." Said one of the guards, noticeably distressed by the bad news, however, it was clear that the good news had managed to soften the impact of it.
"If you say so..." Subaru muttered, not entirely convinced by the mercenary's assertion. He quickly added. "I've business to take care of, and besides, I'm feeling drained, so I gotta take my leave."
"E-Eh! We're sorry, Subaru-sama! We won't take any more o' yer time!" So having heard this, Subaru ordered Patrasche to move. However, much to his annoyance, his entry into the mansion was thwarted once again.
"Sorry to bother ya once again with our questionin', Subaru-sama. But who's that woman accompanyin' ya?" Queried another of the guards, one who had not stopped casting wary glances towards Subaru's back, where Anastasia had made an effort to remain unnoticed.
"She?" Subaru asked nonchalantly, as he shot a glance at the girl out of the corner of his eye. Noticing the countenance of frustration and distress that the guard's interrogation had brought upon Anastasia, Subaru opted to end the conversation once and for all. "She's a noble girl who lost her home due to the Witch Cult's assault and asked me for shelter. I didn't see myself able to refuse, so just for a couple of days she'll be staying at the mansion. That won't be a problem, will it?
Given the surly manner in which Subaru had phrased his query, the guards shivered ever so slightly. They were trained mercenaries, and so he had perceived all too well the dangerous aura that Subaru had begun to emanate. Knowing that the dark-haired man was favored by the mansion's owner due to his enormous usefulness as an inventor, and wishing not to incur the wrath of either, the guards obviated guest protocol and meekly nodded. Satisfied, Subaru finally went on his way.
"I don't remember a time when you're as assertive as ya were a moment ago." Subaru, who had plopped down on his soft bed while breathed out a large amount of air, which had escaped his lungs along with much of the tension that had gripped his body until a moment ago, looked towards the door of his room, where Anastasia was standing.
"I wasn't lying when I told you that I went through a lot today... I simply don't have the patience to deal with them anymore." Subaru replied in regard to Anastasia's remark. The girl giggled softly and took a seat next to Subaru.
"I think I can safely say that the both of us have been through a lot today, we've both exceeded our share of traumatic situations fer a single day... So why don't you lie down and get some rest for the remainder of the day? You can deal with whatever ya need to take care of tomorrow."
"I... No, I can't do that, Anastasia. I need to be awake to greet Halibel when he gets to the mansion. I promised to explain everything to him once he did..."
"Halibel-san again? This's the third time you've mentioned him. During the time he was at the mansion, it didn't strike me that you two were that close. Natsuki-kun, you said you'd explain later, can it be that time right now?"
Sighing deeply, Subaru swiveled his head so that he could get a better picture of Anastasia's face. Her delicate brow was slightly furrowed, but this seemed to be due more to a sense of dismay than anger. "Anastasia... To be honest, I've been keeping quite a few things from you for several months now." Subaru began.
"And that's related to Halibel-san..."
"Yes, and with this thing." Subaru then added, picking up the firearm that since he and Anastasia had mounted Patrasche in that intricate alleyway, he had been carrying hanging on his right shoulder.
Anastasia looked down at the strange artifact. "I see... That explains why it looked so strange to me, but so familiar at the same time. Is it one of your reinventions?"
"Yeah. This is a weapon that was created behind your back with the help of one of the members of the company's design department." Subaru replied solemnly. He took a brief pause, but since Anastasia did not raise any questions regarding his first revelation, he continued. "And about Halibel... The fact's that he was working for me all along. Well, maybe 'working' isn't the right word; Halibel has been my ally and has been following me since before you hired him. In reality all this time his work as a mercenary was nothing more than a cover."
Anastasia remained in complete silence, her expression of dismay unchanged. What was going through her mind at that moment? Was she feeling disappointed, betrayed, infuriated? Subaru could not blame her if she felt all three at the same time. After a few tense seconds, the girl released the air that she had been holding in her lungs.
"Y'know, Natsuki-kun, I think there's no person in this world who understands better than me how much you were affected by what happened at Priestella and Kyo; except for you, naturally… And yet... Yet I was unable to do anything to support you other than give ya more work and responsibility. I'd be a lousy boss if I couldn't grasp and empathize with the circumstances that forced ya to make decisions behind my back."
"A-Ana..." Subaru stammered, feeling hot liquid begin to pool in the corners of his eyes. Anastasia's words had stirred him immensely. She empathized with him? Wasting not a second, Subaru sprang off the bed and dived to the floor on his knees, his forehead in contact with the cold wooden floor of his room, kowtowing to Anastasia.
"N-Natsuki-kun, whatever're ya doin'?" Bewildered, Anastasia stared down at Subaru who lay before her in a submissive pose.
"I-I'm so sorry, Anastasia!" Subaru exclaimed in a broken voice. "Forgive me for being so weak! I beg of you! Alas, due to my pathetic fears, I doubted you and your ambition, and so I acted behind your back. I, overcome with fear, have betrayed you. And for that, I know I do not deserve your forgiveness, but I beg you Anastasia, forgive this pathetic and helpless employee of yours!"
With tears running down his nose and dripping onto the wooden floor, Subaru kept his forehead pressed against it. He would not move from that position until he heard Anastasia's reply. With his stomach in knots and his heart heavy with lump of trepidation, Subaru waited in silence. Anastasia's next words could very well lift him off the ground, or crush him against it.
"Get up from the floor, please, Natsuki-kun. You don't need to grovel like that, you're worth too much for it. Besides, as I told ya a moment ago, I really understand what coulda led ya to do those things. I ain't mad at you; on the contrary, I'm mad at myself for lettin' you feel that way without doin' anything 'bout it. That conversation we had a few days ago... It happened too late, didn't it?"
Despite Anastasia's words, Subaru stayed put. Nevertheless, he still replied to her question. "It's true that I'd already created the weapon by then... However, what you told me that day in the carriage helped me a lot, Anastasia; it truly was a lifeline. It definitely played a big part in my being here with you."
"I'm glad to hear it... That doesn't change that I took too long to address the issue, though. Hence, I'm the one who should be beggin' for yer forgiveness, not the other way around. Stand up, Natsuki-kun, please." Once again, Subaru refused to obey Anastasia's request.
"I won't do it till I have received your forgiveness." Subaru adamantly stated. A troubled expression took shape on Anastasia's face.
"If I forgive ya, will ya forgive me?" Asked the businesswoman in a soft voice.
"..." There was no immediate response from Subaru. For a second, he mulled over in his mind what the right answer would be. Ultimately he concluded that there was only one way he could answer Anastasia. "I don't reckon that you have done anything wrong, Anastasia. It would be too pig-headed of me, though, if I kept on refusing... So yeah, I'll forgive you if you forgive me."
"If so..." Anastasia went on, speaking more resolutely than before. "I forgive you for creatin' a weapon without my knowledge, Natsuki Subaru." Anastasia reached out her hand and with it stroked Subaru's hair, who failed to stifle his sobbing.
After giving that matter closure, Subaru returned to Anastasia's side and began to explain in greater depth what had occurred with Halibel and the reinvented weapon. Subaru felt that, after having betrayed Anastasia due to his pathetic fear, the least he could do was to reveal to her all that he had kept from her; with the exception of what he was hiding due to the influence of outside entities.
"... Therefore, I didn't have a chance to explain to Halibel anything that happened. Now that I finally found you, then the least I can do as his master is to stay awake and wait for his return." In this way, Subaru concluded his explanation. He had chosen not to reveal the identity of the leader of the Witch Cult; he feared that doing so might put Anastasia's life in danger.
"Hum... I get it... And here I thought I hit the jackpot when you told me that the great Halibel had agreed to join the Fang of Iron. Oh well... It was good while it lasted." Anastasia said, mildly discouraged.
"Don't be down about it. Halibel may actually work for me, but when he's at the mansion he'll still be a member of the Fang of Iron. It's not like I'll constantly need his... services... For now though, I will definitely need him to leave the group and accompany us on our journey, I'm sorry." Subaru reported apologetically.
"Don't be sorry. I mean, it's not like right now the Fang of Iron's workin' fer me anyway."
"Looking at it that way..." Subaru nodded, convinced by Anastasia's logic. Whereupon he added. "So that's why I can't fall asleep at the moment. Why don't you? You must be just as tired as me..."
"Hmm... You know what? I'll take you up on your offer. This past week I haven't had a chance to get enough rest, and with everythin' that happened today, I've simply exceeded the limit of what my body can handle. I'm exhausted; so thanks a bunch." Having said that, Anastasia lay down on Subaru's bed, not taking her eyes off Subaru. Subaru had to admit it, the sight was extremely tempting for a virgin man like himself.
"Y-You'll sleep here?" Subaru asked her, flustered.
"I take it my room isn't my room anymore, so for now I've no choice. Though if you're uncomfortable with me doing so, I could look for-" Before Anastasia could finish speaking, Subaru rushed in to interrupt her.
"No need. I was asking for your sake."
"I've no problem sharing a bed with ya, if that's what you mean." Stated the girl without a hint of embarrassment. Was that a good thing or a bad thing? Subaru could not be sure.
"If it comes to it, I'll ask one of the guards to lend me one of the rooms next door." Subaru remarked. It was evident from his posture that he was somewhat stressed.
"However you feel the most comfortable, Nasuki-kun." Anastasia replied with a warm smile on her face. After that, silence settled over the atmosphere of the room. Subaru remained seated on the edge of the bed, his gaze fixed on his desk and Anastasia's gaze intent on him. After a couple of minutes passed, and when Subaru thought Anastasia had finally fallen asleep, her voice drifted into his ear. "Natsuki-kun, there's somethin' I haven't been able to get out of my head for a while now..."
"Hmm? Tell me about it." Said Subaru, looking towards the headboard of his bed, near where Anastasia's head lay.
"I get that this Julius you told me 'bout is my true knight, but that doesn't change that no matter how hard I try, when I think of my knight only memories of Felix come up. It doesn't make sense... Where did those memories come from? Who Felix really is, could you answer that, Natsuki-kun?"
"..." For a brief moment, Subaru remained silent. Earlier he had decided to reveal to Anastasia everything he had kept from her, however, he had forgotten something. Not because he had not intended to talk to her about it, but simply because his mind had glossed over that information; perhaps because it was a complicated subject to discuss. "Anastasia... To be honest, I don't quite understand why I'm the only one who remembers those devoured by Gluttony, I suspect it has to do with the reason why the Witch Cult was interested in me, but I've no way to confirm it..."
"The reason why the Witch Cult was interested in ya?"
"... When Halibel gets here, I'll talk to you both in more detail about it." Noticing that Subaru had no interest in addressing the matter at that instant, Anastasia gave a nod. "Anyway... Anastasia, I don't know why that's happening, however, I didn't find out about it today, but months ago, when the fifth candidate for the throne died during the White Whale hunt."
Hearing such a revelation caused Anastasia to suddenly sit bolt upright in bed, then quickly approach Subaru. "The fifth candidate?"
"Yes. Crusch Karsten. I don't know if you remember, but I mentioned that name the day the hunt took place... It was at that moment that I understood that something very bad had happened, but I was not certain of it until the captain of the Royal Guard informed you of what had occurred. I chose not to talk about it, for fear that you'd think that I had finally gone completely insane..." That was a lie, at least a lie to a great extent. If he had not mentioned what had happened to Crusch Karsten, it was because of the sense of shame he felt for having done nothing to prevent her death.
"Crusch Karsten... Yup, I seem to remember ya askin' me 'bout her... So that's what happened..." Muttered Anastasia, now immersed in her own thoughts.
"Felix was her knight, and because of what befell Crusch, his mental health was greatly impaired. He lost his mistress and you lost memories of your knight, maybe that's why his presence was replaced in the memories that involved him by Felix's... I think it makes sense, it must be this world seeking to return order to the fabric of reality that has been so torn apart by the Authority of Gluttony."
"Yeah... I concur, what you say makes sense..." Anastasia chimed in, nodding, her eyes focused on nothing in specific. "So the fifth candidate was one of the victims of the White Whale and the previous Archbishop of Gluttony, and that's why Felix had been so ill lately... That explains why I believed we're always four candidates and the reluctance of the Sage Council to come out and discuss the matter... I guess the meetin' I'd today with the other candidates was meaningless from the get-go."
"I'm sorry. If I had told you about it from the beginning, maybe all this wouldn't have come to pass." Subaru replied, grief-stricken. Maybe Mimi would be alive, and Julius would be awake; the thought of it made the crushing weight in his heart feel even heavier and more overwhelming. If only he was not so weak...
"Don't blame yourself, Natsuki-kun; you're not responsible for anything that occurred. It's understandable that you were afraid of being labeled insane and didn't want to talk about it, especially after everythin' ya went through. I appreciate you telling me now, at least that allowed me to better understand everything that happened, and also the source of these strange memories planted in my head."
Anastasia was saying that because she was not quite aware of the truth. What would she say if she heard the genuine reason why he had decided to hide that information? Would she hate him? No, Anastasia would probably forgive him, even though he was unworthy of it? Anastasia, who had once again been left reeling from the shock caused by a disclosure made by Subaru, lay quietly back down on the bed. With that, the conversation ended, and Anastasia let herself be swept away by the warm arms of Morpheus into the world of dreams. Subaru remained seated on the bed, at Anastasia's feet, immersed in his own musings, worries and regrets.
Seconds ticked by, minutes passed, and hours elapsed, but the calm and melancholic atmosphere of the room was not altered at any time. Although he found it impossible to dispel the guilt and regret that weighed down heavily on his heart, Subaru did his best to relish that ephemeral moment of tranquility, probably the last for a long period of time. Subaru remained static, his gaze fixated on the beautiful girl for whom he had sacrificed those he cherished and even his humanity.
Subaru was motionless until he sensed an abrupt change in the atmosphere. His gaze finally wandered from Anastasia's face that reflected a placid sleep, only disrupted at short intervals by unpleasant memories in the form of a flickering nightmare, and he instinctively moved his hand to the place where he had kept his Gospel. Subaru stood up, extracted the black-covered book from the back pocket of his pants and opened it to one of the first pages.
Beyond the outskirts of the city purged in blood, where those who nourish the citizens with their crops dwell, you shall encounter one of those whom you will henceforth call comrades. You are to meet when the first rays of dawn caress the fields of crops. So he was to meet one of the Sin Archbishops? There was no room for doubt, his old life had come to an end.
After almost two months, the fic finally continues with its fourth arc. Yeah, I know, I said I'd take a couple of weeks off, not months, but between college, my other hobbies, and a trip to Mexico, I just couldn't find the time to get back to writing. That's why I like to stick to a routine, if I force myself to post one day a week, then it becomes necessary for me to allocate my time to fulfill that purpose; once that routine is disrupted, getting back to it gets pretty difficult. Anyway, this isn't a personal blog, so I'll stop talking about me.
We pick up right where we left off, Subaru still has a lot to do, a lot to talk about. But for now, he can indulge himself in the feeling of having saved Anastasia. And this officially marks the beginning of the ship. From now on, there will be more and more Anastasia X Subaru moments. Of course, this is not a romance fic, but a tragedy fic, so take into account that suffering will still be the order of the day. However, I can assure you that none of the remaining arcs will be as heavy as the third one, there will be "peaceful" moments, so as not to make this a suffering porn.
Finally, the Gospel has been updated. Subaru will have to meet one of his "comrades". Which one will it be? What will happen? Well, that will be known in a few chapters. Before then, there is unfinished business that needs to be dealt with. And once Subaru has done all that needs to be done, the journey will begin. Anyway, I'm happy to say... write?... whatever... I'm happy to say this again; as always, thank you very much for your support, and till next week.