Chapter 9: Impression

I miss you.

Your finger hovers hesitantly over the send button. You think it's probably late enough in the morning that Santana would be up already. You want to see her - no, you need to see her - but you also don't want to come on too strong. Hastily, you delete the message and type out a different one before pressing send.

Britt: Hey.

You take a deep breath. Much better. Keeping it cool. Your phone buzzes not even 30 seconds after.

San: Hey.

You stare at her message and smile. You feel like a little kid, smiling at something so simple.

Britt: So I wanted to ask you something…

San: Go for it.

Britt: My parents always put together this New Year's Eve thing at their house. A bunch of people come over.

San: That sounds pretty cool.

You wait for her to send a follow up message but after a minute passes and nothing else comes through you sigh. She's going to make you ask, isn't she.

Britt: So?

San: So what?

Britt: San…

San: Haha. Was there a question in there somewhere?

Britt: Would you like to come to my parents house tomorrow tonight?

Oh god. Too forward. You quickly type out another message.

Britt: If you don't have any better plans, of course.

San: I'd love to, Britt.

Britt: Score!

Smiling like an idiot, you send her the details. It's been almost a week since you've last seen her and you're excited to show her a little more of your life. She'll to meet your parents tomorrow, which honestly scares you but at the same time, you just want to see her.

You need to see her.

You can't wait until you're back in school next week, where you can fall back into your routine with her. You need more interactions if you're going to start analyzing your relationship for what it is. She obviously already knows how you feel, but then again, you did tell her you needed time to think about it.

And she's been so good about that. So good that it makes your heart feel like it could scale tall buildings and leap across rooftops. You wonder if she's being this patient because she knows what this feels like and the thought of her being so careful with you while you find yourself makes you fall even further.

Your heart jumps again and you rollover in your bed. Your thoughts are too much right now and it's driving you insane. You decide that you need to get out of the house before you go crazy and the mall sounds like a good enough distraction.

You push yourself off the bed and get ready to go out. You know it's better to go closer to when the stores open since most times the shopping center becomes packed with teenagers once it hits afternoon time. Especially on the last week of winter break.

It's not long before you're stepping inside the mall and easily making your way to your usual shops. Some say window shopping can be therapeutic, but you like to argue that shopping shopping is even more so. You're not crazy though, you make sure to only purchase the necessities.

And new clothes are always considered necessities.

You're walking through a department store when you see Santana out of the corner of your eye. Her back is to you as she rummages through a rack of clothes while she's talking on her cellphone. Your body quickly makes the decision to spin on your heels and duck behind a nearby column. Is it wrong of you to want to listen to her private conversation?

"I don't know what to tell you, babe." You hear Santana say and your heart drops. Babe. You hold your breath as you continue to listen. "Your eyebrow of a husband is a piece of shit and you need to start standing up for yourself."

Oh, thank god.

"Kurt, listen to me," She sighs as she moves on to the next rack, "We both know the only reason you're calling me is because you know I'll tell it to you straight. If you expected to be told what you wanted to hear, you would've called Berry, Queen of non-helpful advice."

It kind of shocks you to see her like this. You realize that you actually don't know much about what her life was like before meeting you. You only know she's from Ohio and that she's moved around a few times since graduating high school. You've never asked her about friends. You wonder if this Kurt person is an old friend. Or even… Berry, was it? What kind of name is Berry?

"Don't change the subject." Santana scoffs moving on to yet another rack. You use the opening to make the move from behind the column and find a rack for yourself to hide behind instead. "You don't need to hear about my love life, you creep. You're only bringing it up because you want to rub it in my face that I've somehow managed to get myself in this mess of a situation again."

You're ears perk up to that and you suddenly feel like you really shouldn't be listening.

"Don't 'Santana Lopez' me." She says and you can hear the irritation in her voice, "And no, I haven't talked to her about it yet, okay? To be honest, I'm not entirely sure if I'm ready to."

Is she talking about you?

"Because she kissed me. She kissed me and now I really don't know what to do with myself."

At that, you stumble on your footing and use the rack to keep you upright. It jostles, sending the sign on top tumbling over. You stay there, crouched over, and you close your eyes in hopes that she hadn't heard your mistep.

"Brittany?" You feel Santana's presence beside you and your eyes open in horror. As you stand up straight, you watch as she pulls her phone from her ear and you can hear the faint noises of someone talking excitedly on the other side. "Kurt, I'm gonna have to call you later." She mumbles quickly before hanging up.

You clear your throat. "Hi."

"Are you okay?" She looks at you and then to the floor. "Did you trip on something?"

Yeah, your heart. You shake your head. "Just clumsy."

Her eyebrow arches up as she thinks about your explanation before her lips pull into a small smile. She must sense your nerves.

"Shopping?" She eyes the multiple shopping bags in your hands and you nod. She nods in response to your nod and you feel awkward again. You didn't realize this would be so hard for you. How do normal people interact with their best friend after coming to the realization that they have feelings for them?

"Sorry," You finally speak again, "I didn't mean to interrupt you. I was on my way to my car when I saw you."

"No, it's okay. I was just looking for something to wear for tomorrow."

You smile at that, shaking your head, "You don't have to, it's just my parent's house. Super casual."

She chuckles, "I know. I just want to make a good first impression."

You watch as her eyes widen in shock at her own words and she suddenly turns away to look through the nearby rack, a failed attempt to hide her blush. She wants to make a good first impression and she's shopping for a new outfit, just for that purpose.

You don't want to make her feel any more embarrassed so you let it slide and change the subject. "Is Kurt an old friend?"

She turns to you slightly and narrows her eyes, like she's unsure of where your line of questioning is heading. "Old college roommate from New York." It's all she offers as an explanation and you hum in response before she fully turns to you, clearly nervous. "How much of that did you hear?"

Your face scrunches up, "You have a friend named... Berry?" You tilt your head innocently and her eyes flicker like she knows now that you've heard more of her conversation than she had thought. Again, you don't want to push it so you keep it light. "Who in their right mind would name their child Berry?"

That makes her laugh heartily, "She's also an old college roommate."

You nod. You want to ask more because you didn't know she went to college in New York but you're not sure if you're back at that stage yet. She doesn't turn away though and continues to look at you with curious eyes, like she wants to say something too but she's also unsure.

"So," you draw out, "how was your weekend?"

She frowns at your words and you watch as her eyes quickly glance around before softly asking, "Are we only back to small talk, now?"

Her question surprises you. The way she asked it surprises you even more, quiet and under her breath. She's being careful. For you. She's making sure in case you're uncomfortable.

It's a valid question, though. Over text it's like you're best friends still, but you didn't think in-person interactions were going to be so different. You thought it would be easy to fall back into your old roles but right now all you can think of is the fact that the last time you saw her was when you kissed her.

"Y-you make me nervous." You confess, blushing. It's true, you can't seem to think straight when she's near you now. You can't help but feel like a little girl with a crush.

At your words, her eyes soften, a small smile on her lips. You shift in place and your shopping bags jostle around.

She steps forward and offers her hand out to you. When you look at her curiously, she explains, "Let me help you."

It's such a simple gesture and you're grateful. Mostly for her not prodding further. You hand her a few bags and fall into step with her, walking side by side down the aisle of the department store.

You lead Santana outside to your car and she helps you put your bags into your trunk. When she's done she turns to you expectantly. You stand there, trying to read her expression.

There's so much you want to say to her. So much you want to ask. But you don't know where to start. It's a strange feeling, knowing that the roles have reversed somehow.

Because it was so easy to talk to her before all of this. To be the one that could make her blush and stumble on her words. You used to relish in that power because you had told yourself it was just innocent.

But now, knowing how you feel and that it actually wasn't that innocent, you don't know how to do all of that again. Especially since you're the one that kissed her. You can't believe you kissed her.

You can't stop thinking about kissing her.

Santana scuffs her shoe against the gravel of the parking lot and you're snapped from your thoughts.

"Sorry. Thank you." You finally tell her.

"You're welcome." She says with a chuckle. She turns to walk away but before she does, her smile lingers and her eyes turn soft. "See you tomorrow, Britt."

You stand there watching as she walks back towards the mall. Your body feels warm and you're not sure if it's from the sun above you or from the way Santana turns around just barely, catching your eyes again before ducking her head and disappearing behind sliding doors.

Seeing as it's winter and 40 degrees out, you're pretty sure it's the latter.

It takes you a second before your mind finally tells your body to move and once you're settled in your car, ready to drive off, your phone buzzes on the middle console.

San: Just so you know, Britt. You make me nervous too.

The next day you head to your parent's house to help cook and clean. The set up is always the same every New Year's Eve so it doesn't take long before you're all in the kitchen, cooking and talking.

"So how's things with Sam?" Your father says over his shoulder as he continues to cook at the stove. You roll your eyes as you stir the pie filling in the bowl in front of you.

"That's already over, Pierce." Your mother shakes her head from the other side of the kitchen island as she mixes a different batch of contents in another bowl.

"What? When did that happen?" He turns around and looks at you with frown. "It only just started…"

"There just wasn't any chemistry, dad."

"Well, why didn't anyone tell me? I'm sorry, baby girl. Thank goodness I forgot to invite his family tonight."

"It would've been fine if you did." You laugh, "He's still a friend."

You kind of feel bad because you know your dad really likes Sam since he always helps him on Sunday mornings. You hope that doesn't stop now that Sam knows nothing will happen between the two of you. It's silent for a while until your phone buzzes on the counter next to you and you use your pinky to carefully unlock it without it getting dirty. You smile when you see Santana's message and let go of the spatula you're holding to wipe your hands on a kitchen towel.

San: Do your parents drink wine?

Britt: You don't have to bring anything, Santana.

You chuckle softly to yourself because you already know she's not going to listen to you.

San: So is that a yes? Or no? Should I bring a dessert instead?

See.

"Who's that?" Your mom whispers from across the counter and your head snaps up.

"Oh- um. Santana." You answer awkwardly, "I told you about her on Sunday, remember? From the school. She teaches music. Well, more like she teaches piano, but yeah. You get the picture." You realize you're rambling so you turn back to your pie filling and avoid your mother's prying eyes.

"I know who she is, Brittany. It's part of our job to know who all the teachers are at the school." She laughs lightly, but her eyes still looking at you curiously, "I guess I just didn't realize you were this close with her. Did you invite her tonight?"

You nod, "She wants to know if she should bring wine or dessert." Knowing your parents, they're going to take full advantage of Santana's kindness.

"I think we have enough of both." Your dad laughs, looking over at the messy kitchen island. "But if she wants to be helpful..."

"Dad, no." You narrow your eyes at him and he laughs again.

"No manual labor." He smiles, "Promise."

You roll your eyes, grabbing your phone to text Santana.

Britt: I hope you're already ready.

San: ?

Britt: My parents are requesting your assistance. Right now.

San: Umm…

She's freaking out, you're sure of it. You laugh to yourself again because there's no way she's going to say no. Especially if she's so worried about making a good impression.

San: I don't really have a choice, do I?

Britt: Nope. Hope you're happy. You did this to yourself.

San: Damn it.

Britt: See you soon!