Chapter 12: Camp

Much to your surprise, Santana slowly began making an effort to become more involved with GCA. You haven't asked her to, but all of a sudden you've noticed that her initial apprehension isn't as strong as it used to be.

She's started coming to work earlier and instead of hiding away in the safety her own classroom, she starts and ends most days in the teacher's lounge, socializing with the others. You also notice the way she doesn't shift uncomfortably at the mention of religion anymore. Like she's slowly allowing it to take space around her.

You see the most change during chapel. Sometimes, you'll catch her actually listening to the message and you can't help but smile. You can't really explain it, but seeing her like that, sitting beside you in the sound booth silently listening to the word, it does something to you.

Because your faith is such a big part of who you are, and Santana knows it. It's the reason you're still here. Alive. And most importantly, loved.

After she met your parents, you waited for her to bring it up. Anyone with eyes would have noticed the fact that your father is very obviously an Asian man and asked right away, but she didn't. She never questioned it. And honestly, for a while it made you feel like maybe you were a little bit normal. Like maybe you weren't so out of place.

Because when it's just you and your mother. You're matching blonde locks and pale skin overshadow the other major differences. It's not as noticeable. It's... passing. Throw your father into the mix and suddenly you're forced to provide an explanation for no other reason than to appease their curiosity.

Eventually though, you told Santana your story. How you were born from different parents. Parents who didn't take care of you. Parents who didn't love you the way you were supposed to be loved. You told her how you were taken away for your own safety and placed into the system.

You were five years old when Pierce and Whitney Pierce opened their home to foster you. And still, even at that young age, your spirit was already broken. They spent months caring for you, feeding you, loving you, healing you. The day they asked if you wanted to become a permanent member of their family was honestly the best day of your life. By age seven, you were adopted.

You were saved.

You happily took on the role you were given, falling in love with their faith, and cultivating your own. Growing up, the tight knit community of your church was all you've ever known.

And now, you have Santana to add to it. Because not only is she more involved with GCA, she's begun attending Sunday church services, too. Well, not every week, but sometimes on the weekends where you don't get to see her all that much, she'll text you that she misses you extra and show up on Sunday morning.

Of course, your Sunday School duties come first meaning she'll have to listen to your father talk for 45 minutes before it's appropriate to stop by and say hi to you. And although you'd like to think she endures all of that just so she can see you for even a little while, you know better. You can read her better by now, and you know that there's at least a little part of her that's called to hear the gospel. Even if she uses the guise of seeing you to do so.

Sure, that may not make her the perfect Christian, but what's most important is that she's trying. It'll take a lot more than a few services here and there for her faith to be restored but watching her go through this journey, being a part of it, makes you fall even deeper in love with her.

And you are. You're so so in love with her. Santana Lopez, your beautiful, careful and calculated girlfriend.

It didn't take you long to figure it out and truth be told, you don't know if it's too soon to be feeling like this so instead of telling her you love her by actually saying the words, you do it in every other way you know how.

You tell it to her through little touches and light kisses. Through heart eyes and bashful smiles. Through cups of coffee or freshly baked muffins. And notes, so many notes. She continues to pin them up on her board beside her computer that she might need a bigger board soon.

Sometimes you think you're being too much for her but then when you're alone, she'll remind you of just how smitten she is with you, too. And she'll do it in her own special Santana ways.

Like when she smiles at you, softly, always so softly. Or when you're sitting on the couch after a long day of classroom shenanigans and you place your feet on her lap, she'll fidget with your favorite piece of jewelry that rests at your ankle. Or when she plays her piano for you, and your personal favorite, when she sings to you. Always, always your favorite song.

Today isn't any different. It's Friday night, meaning Santana will be coming over to your house for date night. It's usually at your house since she doesn't own a TV, and at this point, date night is synonymous with movie night.

Your eyes roam your messy home before eventually landing on the small keyboard piano tucked in the corner of your living room and you can't help but smile.

Santana brought it over a few weeks ago after you had mentioned to her once that you were thinking about learning more. You were never much of an instrument playing kind of girl, but you knew the basics.

By the very next Friday, Santana walked into your home with her 'spare' keyboard and set it up next to your bookcase. She even brought a beginner's book of sheet music for you to practice with.

She's literally perfect.

Your doorbell rings, making you jump, forgetting that you were supposed to be tidying up. Realizing it's too late now, you tear your eyes away and move to the front door to let Santana inside.

As soon as the door clicks shut, and you're sure no one can see, you duck down to place a searing kiss to Santana's lips. When you pull away her eyes are slightly darker, an eyebrow arched in question.

"I just really missed you." You shrug innocently.

"It's only been like three hours, Britt." She laughs as you pull her further into your home.

After Easter, the school begins its annual fundraiser for the high school camp retreat, held over the week of spring break. Although technically a church function, a good amount of the students attend due to their parents not wanting their teenagers to be at home doing nothing or getting in trouble.

It's nice too because the church always offers the teachers the chance to volunteer as leaders since it's technically a retreat for them too.

Since its inception, you've attended the retreat every year. You always volunteer as a camp leaders, but this year, you almost want to stay behind. Mostly because it'll be an entire week of no school, meaning you could spend a good majority of time with Santana. Alone.

But you already know you're going to volunteer. You're parents would ask too many questions if you didn't. You just hope you can convince Santana to join with you.

Walking into the teacher's lounge, you start the first pot of coffee. You eye the camp leader sign up sheet from afar until you eventually decide you might as well put your name down now. The second you grab the clipboard and your eyes land on the page you feel the full force of butterflies in your stomach.

Santana Lopez

Tracing Santana's familiar handwriting with your fingertips, you smile softly. She's volunteering. It's not even that she's doing it to spend time with you either because you hadn't even written your name down yet and it makes you almost giddy. She's putting herself out there and you're can't be more proud of her.

"At first I wasn't really sure." You turn around at the sound of her voice and see Santana standing at the door with nervous eyes, shifting between her feet. "But then I thought maybe it could be fun. Plus the older kids are finally starting to loosen up to me. I didn't want them coming back and I'm left out of all their new inside jokes."

You smile because she doesn't need to explain herself. Even though you know the true reason is so much more than what she's comfortable admitting, it's not your place. And it's not your walk, it's hers.

"I would've been more than happy to explain any and all inside jokes to you."

Santana smiles at your joke, rolling her eyes. "That's not the same and you know it."

"Well, I guess it's settled then." You turn away from her and sign your name below hers, "We are so going to win on costume contest night."

At that, Santana holds up a finger and you stifle a laugh. "Hold up Britt, I did not sign up for that."

"Oh, but honey," you smirk, pointing to the clipboard. "You did."

Santana agrees to drive the both of you to camp. To your surprise, she had originally suggested riding on the bus with the students but even for you, that's a tall ask. You love the kids with all your heart but being stuck on a bus with them for a couple of hours is definitely past your limits. And from previous experience, you know how insane those bus rides can be.

Now that Santana is coming along, you don't have to choose between a busload of rowdy students or driving by yourself. It also gives you a chance to be alone with her more.

Not soon after leaving the city, Santana asks you to check her bag for her phone, thinking she had forgotten it behind. You give it a ring and have to fight your way to the bottom of her duffel to fish out the ringing phone. When you finally get to it, your breath is caught in your throat at the name that flashes back at you.

"What's wrong?" Santana asks, looking at you curiously. She glances down at her phone in your hand and once she realizes why you've gone silent, she flushes the deepest red you've ever seen.

"Phyllis?" Your heart is beating so fast you think you might have to hold your chest to make sure it stays where it belongs as you think back to that day in chapel. Princess Phyllis.

"Oh um- that's not-" She lets out a nervous laugh and you watch as her hands clutch tighter at the steering wheel. "I didn't- I mean- I did, but I just-"

"Santana, I love it." You interrupt, giving her the easy out. As much as you want to hear her try to explain herself, you don't really want her to have a panic attack in the middle of the freeway.

"You do?"

"Yeah. Now pay attention to the road." You giggle, reaching for her hand to calm the both of your heartbeats.

Santana holds your hand the whole of the ride over, except for the few instances when she doesn't know where she's going and you need to direct her.

As soon as she drives under the rustic arch that reads 'Welcome to Camp Encounter', she turns to you with a big grin. You lean in quickly to kiss her on the cheek because you can't help it. Her dimples are just that adorable.

She stays in the car while you hop out and check in at the front desk. You're the first to arrive, which isn't surprising because you left early and everyone else is arriving in the buses.

When you get back into the car, you instruct Santana on where to park, nearest to your cabin so that it's easier to unpack. When she puts her car in park you look at her and laugh.

"What?" She tries to hide her smile.

"You're excited. Admit it."

"If anything I'm... indifferent."

"No." You shake your head, "You're excited. And if you don't admit it then I won't take you on a super special private tour and show you all my favorite spots before everyone else arrives and the chaos begins."

"Alright, so maybe I'm a little excited." Santana rolls her eyes playfully.

"Nope. Not good enough."

She laughs. "Okay fine, I'm a lot excited."

You lean in and press a soft kiss to her lips and she smiles into it. You won't be getting another kiss for a long while once the others arrive so you linger for a second, allowing yourself the chance to appreciate this closeness.

It's not long before you're both unpacking the car and bringing your bags into your shared cabin. It's not unusual for two camp leaders to share a cabin, and since everyone else knows that you're best friends, it only made sense that the two of you would pair up.

As soon as you place your bag next to Santana's on one of the twin beds, she turns to you with wide eyes.

"W-what are you doing?" Santana glances at your bag on the bed she had clearly already claimed. There's two beds in the cabin, there's no real reason why you would be putting your bag next to hers.

"It's our own cabin and no one else will have the keys." You shift in place and Santana arches an eyebrow. "I was thinking maybe we can share?"

"Britt... I don't know."

"We can make both beds look like they're being used if that helps?" You offer and Santana takes a minute to think about it before looking back at you. Playfulness in her eyes.

"I was waiting for the 'no funny business' joke." She smirks.

You can only blush at her words. Actually, you know you're blushing hard because you can feel it at the tips of your ears.

"Oh, unless?" Her eyes soften but the smirk is unchanged, "Unless, this is a 'yes funny business' kind of proposition?"

"W-what?" You stutter out a laugh. "No… I just thought it'd be nice to sleep with you."

"Wanky."

"Oh my god." You cover your face with your hands in an attempt to hide your fire red cheeks. "That's not what I… I didn't-"

Santana laughs heartily and you chance a peek through your fingers, "Britt, it's fine. I don't mind sharing." She says, smiling at you, "We just have to be extra careful okay? With or without funny business."

You remove your hands from your face and pout. She laughs again before leaning in and kissing your cheek softly. It's a learned reaction by now, kissing away your pout. Admittedly, since you've realized this, you tend to use your pout around her a lot more often.

"Come on," She grabs your hand and leads you out of the cabin. "You promised me a private tour."

Over the next 15 minutes you walk Santana around the facilities. You show her a few of the other cabins and the gathering hall, the great lawn, and the lake and swimming pool. Amusingly, she's the most excited when you show her the fire pit, telling you that she can't wait until later tonight.

"It's just a regular old fire pit." You laugh lightly and she turns to look at you.

"Well, even though we'll be surrounded by busloads of and teenagers and our colleagues," she pauses, her eyes sparkling like you've never seen before, "I've never sat under the stars next to a warm fire... with someone I love."

"Someone you what?" Her words catch you off guard and your chest tightens so much it almost burns. How is that she can she do this to you so easily? You can already feel your eyes watering. She looks around quickly before reaching for your hand and her touch causes ignites goosebumps to rise on every inch of your skin.

"I've always thought that I'd never put myself in a position like this again. But, I don't know. It's like, when I'm with you, Britt, it feels alright somehow. Like I know it's right."

You feel the wetness of your cheeks before you register the fact that your crying. Crying tears of happiness because you get it. You feel it, too. So much. Every time she looks at you, you can feel it deep in your bones. Santana feels right. Right is the only true way to describe it.

"I love you, Brittany." Santana's eyes hold yours, never wavering. You feel like you're floating. You feel like you're falling. You feel everything. "And since you've already seen your name in my phone, I figured I might as well just say it out loud."

"I love you so much, Santana." Your own lips tingle as the words leave your mouth and it feels amazing. It feels true. For so long you've been wanting to say it. You've been holding it and showing it but this, saying it out loud for the first time to her, it's more than you could've imagined. "But right now, I'm so so mad at you."

"What?" Her face falls slightly, "Why?"

"Because I really want to kiss you and you had to go and say this at literally the worst possible place where I can't kiss you."

Santana giggles at that, shaking her head with soft smile. "No, I think this is the perfect place, Britt. And I'll gladly take an IOU kiss at a later time."

The buses arrive shortly after your tour and you both switch into work-mode, checking in every student and making sure they go to their assigned cabins.

Santana leaves you to help set up the gathering hall. For a week, the gathering hall will be a place of worship, fellowship, and communion. Since a handful of Santana's music students lead the student worship team, it makes sense that she would feel compelled to assist them.

Once the chaos dies down and everyone is seemingly settled in and unpacked, Sue's voice is heard through the camp speakers, telling everyone to gather for the first morning message.

Santana helps you as you shepherd the students into the gathering hall. As soon as everyone is seated, the both of you take your rightful seats at the soundboard.

That's when you notice the small book in her hands. A bible. It looks old and but still only slightly tattered, and you can barely make out the small gold script at the bottom of the cover. It's a name but it's not hers. You try to read it discreetly because you're curious but it's mostly faced away from you.

Suddenly, Santana moves it so that it's right in front of you. When you look at her she laughs knowingly, pushing it into your hands to hold.

You take it tentatively and inspect it with care. It's beautiful. In a way that you know it's been heavily used but still very much taken care of. Your fingers trace the gold lettering as you look over the small black bible and smile at the familiar last name.

Alma Lopez

"It's the only thing I have left from my life in Ohio." Santana explains softly. "It was my abuela's. My grandmother. To be honest, I stole it and kept it to serve as a reminder of my old life. I never thought I'd actually use it one day."

As you flip through it, you find a small photo tucked away in the middle, used as as a bookmark. It's old, and a little discolored, but you can still make out that the little girl sitting on the lap of the older woman is most definitely Santana.

"She passed away while I was living in New York." Your fingers run over the photo as she talks and you can easily see the resemblance. "No one even called to tell me she was sick. I had to hear it from my ex that while I was living it up in my new life, the person I was closest to growing up had died. And by the time I found out, the funeral had already passed. To think that if she didn't call to tell me, I probably still wouldn't have known."

"I'm so sorry, Santana." You turn to her and she shakes her head softly.

"It's why I left New York. I needed to slow down for a bit and reflect. And then this whole teaching opportunity presented itself and I don't know, it felt like a sign. Like maybe I'd find some way to connect to her again, you know?"

She looks so small beside you and you want nothing more than to grab her hand and squeeze it tightly. You want nothing more than to hold her fully. You knew there was more to her joining GCA than just helping children find their passion in music. You knew it meant so much more than that and you love her so much more for telling you this. For trusting you with this.

"It's fitting right?" Santana chokes out a laugh and juts her chin toward the photo, "Turn it around."

You do as she says and find a scripture written there in old ink. Proverbs 28:13.

"She always used to say, the sin is not in the thing, it's in the talking of it. But once I was outed, she found that scripture and saw it as my only saving grace."

You look at the bible again and easily find the verse highlighted on the same page. The word 'sin' bites at your throat but you shake the feeling away quickly. Santana nudges your shoulder lightly and you turn again to look at her.

"I like to think it's about acceptance more than anything." Her eyes hold yours before moving toward the rest of the room, scanning over the high schoolers settling down, "I just wish she could have seen me now."

"I think she'd be so proud." It's times like this that remind you how unbelievably lucky you are to have found her. She looks at you again, eyes shimmering and you fight the urge to touch her. To comfort her.

Before it becomes too much, Sue begins her opening message and you hand the bible back to Santana. You watch as the pages flutter under her fingertips. You can't help but notice the markings in the book are a mixture of both old ink and new. It never ceases to surprise you how complex she is. You don't think you'll ever fully learn all of her.

The worship team takes over once Sue is done, and towards the end of it, everyone is on their feet, ready to start the week and excited to learn and grow in faith together. And just like you do every year, you can feel it, the raw energy in the room is palpable. It's powerful.

"We're going to close with one last song." Sunshine, the team's lead singer, speaks into the mic. "This is, Take Your Place, written by our very own, Ms. Lopez."

Your head snaps to the brunette beside you and she's already blushing, clearly avoiding your eyes. You're about to ask her when she had the time to not only write a worship song, but also teach it to her students, when the sounds of a soft piano take over. You can only watch as she closes her eyes slowly, and tilts her head back.

The music is slow, almost haunting, as it fills the room like thick smoke, finding every dark and hidden crevice and settling there.

When Sunshine's voice breaks through, it hits you at your chest. Holding you there and leaving you breathless. Your eyes never leave Santana and you notice the small smile at the corner of her lips. Her eyes are shut tightly now and you can hear the low hum of her throat as she follows Sunshine's lead. You can see her fingers twitch to the sounds of the piano and you do your best to imagine her voice in place of Sunshine's.

As you listen to the words, you know how much they mean to her. You know more than anyone here and you feel so incredibly grateful to be witnessing this. It's beautiful. She's beautiful. And with these words, she's completely undone. Vulnerable, giving it all up. Every transgression. Every doubt. Every insecurity about who she is.

She's finally accepting it.

To think of how far she's come. How jaded she was. Her faith was broken but slowly, she let him back in. She's learning to trust in him again. She learning to love him again.

With this song, she's at peace.

AN: I want to take this time to say thank you so so much to everyone who is on this journey with me. Your belief in this story and in me honestly keep this fire going. Every single review, follow, fav, kudo, sub, reblog, and like, truly truly means the absolute world to me. THANK YOU.

*If you would like to hear what I used as inspiration for the song Santana "wrote" it can be found on spotify called Take Your Place by Debrianna Cabitac. It's a very moving and very beautiful song. She's an independent artist that's just starting out, who I feel focuses more on connecting with your own walk in your spirituality and faith, so if you feel so moved, please support or share if you can.