Dein Weg ist Mein Weg

Chapter VI

The Fire

Maho awoke from her fresh nightmare with a scream, and bolted upright covered in sweat and short of breath. She had faced the darkness in one way or another for as long as she could remember, but rarely had she been this terrified. The pain in her chest was a sharp reminder of the terror she had just witnessed, and as she sat on the side of her bed, grasping the sides of her head and trying to understand what had brought it on, she found neither answers nor comfort. She reached over to her nightstand and opened her phone, scrolling through her contacts. Her thumb was shaking, hovering over the call button, before she turned the phone off again and threw the phone on the bed beside her. What good would calling him do me? It's not like he'll pick up... she thought to herself, and put her face in her hands, sighing to herself as she did so. Despite the sluggish unresponsiveness her body exhibited, she stubbornly willed it up from her bed and towards the shower so she could clean off. With every step she forced her body to take, the pain in her chest only grew.

She showered as quickly as she could in an attempt to not be reminded of the battle and rain, and once she was cleaned off, changed the sheets in her bed for fresh ones. She warmed some milk to calm her nerves, and headed to bed once more. The lateness of the hour soon lulled her to sleep, but not to peace.

Her nightmare played out as it normally did, thankfully with no special additions or changes. She watched as the Panzer III fell into the river, and fought to get free. She fell, and found herself in the cramped tank filling with water, and her old teammates cried for help. Help she was unable to provide. They would all fall silent as they drowned, and she once again woke up in the rain, watching the small tank fall anew. The nightmare repeated itself time and time again, until it didn't. During one of the many repeats, as Maho struggled against her restraints, she was not being held in place by her mother as she usually was. Behind her stood her two flaming doppelgangers, holding the ropes binding her. The ropes burst into black and purple flames, which slowly crept towards her while her captors stood silent and unmoving. She desperately struggled to get free, but to no avail. The flames were drawing nearer, licking at her flesh. Soon enough they were upon her, engulfing her body in searing flames. She screamed from the burning pain, and was once again awake.

The sun was high in the sky, and when Maho looked at the time, it became clear she had overslept by quite a bit. She contemplated rushing to be in time to at least the afternoon's classes, but ultimately decided against it. She had already involuntarily skipped so much of the day, what point was there to rushing to catch the rest? Still, she got up from her bed, and changed into some fresh clothes. Since she wasn't planning on heading to school anyways, she put on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, and covered it with her beige trenchcoat. She left the apartment, locked the door, put her hands in her pockets, and just walked. She didn't know where she was heading, she just knew she had to get away for a while. She walked up and down the small town streets of the Zuikaku, not paying any particular attention to her surroundings, instead just taking turns at random whenever she came to another crossroad. Not that her surroundings mattered very much. Wherever she went, color and light seemingly vanished from the world, as the darkness made its mark on her surroundings.

After a while, the world itself seemed to respond to the darkness' whims, and it began to rain. Not wanting to get soaked through but also not wanting to go back home, Maho headed to the lower decks to continue her walk. As she kept on taking random turn after random turn, she soon found a strangely placed door. Not keen on backtracking, she pushed it open, and continued down the hallway it opened up to. As she kept walking down the corridor, she was given strange and bitter looks from the many girls lining its sides. They were all clearly delinquents or other troublemakers, but no one caused her any trouble apart from the many eyes glaring at her. The filthy corridors and unkept state of the girls reminded Maho of the old quarters on the Graf Zeppelin. The 'ghetto', as it was called, were some of the worst dorms on the entire carrier. They were the furthest away from campus, had next-to no cleaning or maintenance staff, and were where troublemakers, students with particularly poor performance, or those whose parents simply couldn't afford the more well-kept dorms were squared away.

"Hey, I know you!" a voice called out from behind her, but Maho just kept walking. She was in no mood for small talk. "Hey!" Another call, and still Maho ignored it, until someone grabbed her shoulder.

"Hey! Are you deaf? The Captain is talking to you!" a short girl with brown curly hair in a sailor uniform told her, as if she had just ignored a member of the Yakuza.

"I don't care," Maho answered and kept walking. The girl grabbed her shoulder again, and turned her around.

"Maybe I wasn't clear? The Captain was talking to you?" she repeated. Maho, with a silent fury similar to what she had unleashed on the president the day before, put an arm across the girl's throat, pushing her into the wall.

"Maybe I wasn't clear? I. Don't. Care," she growled through clenched teeth as the girl struggled for air.

"That's enough Rum!" the voice that originally called out to Maho said from beside the two, and as Maho looked over, she saw a tall girl with long black hair rivalling Hana's dressed in a long black coat leaning calmly against the wall beside them, a small pipe in her hand. "If you don't mind, could you let my first mate go?" Maho looked at the newcomer for a few seconds, before taking a step back from the curly-haired girl, giving her the room and opportunity to catch her breath.

"I'm not in the mood for small-talk," Maho said, and turned to leave, but the black-haired girl began walking beside her.

"Who is?" the girl said and laughed. "But, I already know a bit about you, so let me even the playing field. The name's Ogin, captain of this here scurvy crew, and friend of all who oppose the top-siders. Let me at least offer you a drink as proof of my appreciation."

"What are you talking about? You don't strike me as a follower of Sensha-Do. And what do you mean by 'top-siders'?"

"I'm talking about your sticking it to the president yesterday," Ogin answered as if it was obvious. "She had it coming, the way she struts about like that. Taking what should belong to others. But I see you're new down here. 'Top-siders' are those pesky morons who hold to following the 'rules' and live atop deck, going to school as if it wasn't all just a waste of time. But what's this 'senshado' you speak of?"

"Never mind," Maho said dismissively. If this 'Ogin' was as unaware of who she was as Hana and Saori, then all the better. "And I'll pass on your offer. I don't want any appreciation. My life has led me to deserve nothing but punishment."

"Well, if it's pain and punishment you want, we can most assuredly arrange that while sharing a drink." As they came to a junction of the corridor, Ogin put a hand on Maho's back and gently prodded her down the path to the right, at the end of which was a door guarded by two girls in ragged clothing.

"I take it you don't take kindly to being told 'no'?"

"I'm used to getting things my way, if that's what you're asking, yes." A rumble from Maho's stomach interrupted their veiled battle, and Ogin pounced upon the opportunity. "But if you'd permit me the chance, I would be delighted to offer you a bit to eat as well."

"I suppose I can't refuse you…" Maho sighed, and let herself be guided to the door.

The two guards made way for Ogin and Maho as they approached, and opened the door for them. Beyond was a strange hybrid of a room. Simultaneously a living room, a karaoke parlor, an old-timey tavern and a children's clubhouse, it was most easily described as 'a mess'. What little activity there was in the room froze for a second as the two entered, but soon enough continued. In one corner the girl Maho had choked sat drinking from a bottle, and in another a girl with long silvery white hair was singing sea shanties by a karaoke station. Ogin strode through the room without paying them much attention, and Maho followed her example, soon reaching the bar that ran all along the back wall. Behind it a bored-looking girl in a red waistcoat with short blond hair was cleaning a glass, and merely nodded to Ogin as they took their seats.

"Captain," she said in a tone that was equally as bored as her expression.

"Cutlass, have Murakami bring our guest something to eat."

"Aye Captain," the girl replied, and pulled on a small rope that hung in a cutout section of wall behind her. "Anything else?"

"Pour us some of the usual."

"Are you sure Captain? She doesn't look like she'll handle it."
"Our guest has requested to be punished, and so she shall have some of the usual."

"Very well. It's her funeral…" the girl replied and rolled her eyes, before placing two small glasses on the bar, and pouring a red liquid from a bottle into them. "Two 'Habanero Club'"

"This here be the punishment you seek. There is no girl aboard this ship who won't suffer from it's burn." Ogin bragged, and downed her glass in one fell swoop.

Maho looked at the curious red liquid, before following Ogin's example. The liquid was thick and not very pleasant to drink. There was a small burning sensation to be sure, but it was nowhere near what Ogin had promised.

"Was that really all?" she asked of her host. "I was promised pain and well-deserved punishment, so why do you coddle me? Give me your worst." Maho glared at Ogin, who after a few uncertain seconds turned back to the bartender.

"Very well. Cutlass, you heard the order. Give our guest what she's asked for."

"I am become death, Captain?"

"The destroyer of worlds," Ogin replied and shrugged.

"As you wish," The girl behind the bar responded and shrugged as well. She turned and grabbed bottle after bottle from the shelf behind her, and began to mix a multitude of liquids together. Behind them, Maho could hear the silver-haired girl whisper to one of her companions.

"May god have mercy…"

After a few minutes of mixing, Cutlass pushed a glass towards Maho. "One Hiroshima, as ordered," the girl said dryly, and leaned back against the wall, seemingly as disinterested as she had when the two had first entered.

Maho inspected the concoction placed before her with an inquisitive eye. The glass was strangely warm to the touch, with its contents having a foul smell to them. The drink itself was a vivid, almost flaming mixture of colors; Green, yellow, orange and red. She grasped the glass in her hand, raised it to her lips, and began to drink.

From the moment the liquid passed her lips, she could feel it burning. It burned every part of her mouth as she drank, and the raging fire continued as the 'Hiroshima' flowed down her throat and into her stomach. It felt as if her entire body was on fire, and yet she continued to chug down the drink, not stopping until the glass was empty and she could return the glass to the bar. Maho could feel her cheeks and body go red from the heat, and sweat beginning to pour out of her. She could feel the burning, searing pain all throughout her as she fought against her body's wish to thrash against it. Instead she closed her eyes and remained calmly on her stool, taking deep, heavy, burning breaths as she did. In her mind's eye, she could see the darkness flee from the raging inferno. She could hear it's screams as it burned in the immolating flames. She could feel the flames of the 'Hiroshima' burn away the clinging cobwebs and tentacles that grasped at her soul. And all of it, despite the pain, brought a smile to her face. She knew the flames wouldn't last forever, and that the darkness would return to assault her mind again, but for the moment the burning pain brought her a sense of clarity she hadn't experienced in months. The dark and grey fled from her vision, and color and light began to return.

"I… how…" Ogin stammered with a stunned expression as Maho remained still in her seat. "That should be enough to burst an appendix, and you just… drank it?"

"Oh, don't... you...worry..." Maho said between ragged breaths, clenching and opening her fist a few times against the pain. "It... haa... it burns… like all hells. It feels like… like I was just pushed... onto a Tiger's engine... while it's running..."

"Here you go," Cutlass said with her bored tone, and pushed what looked like a milkshake towards her, but Maho just pushed it away.

"Give…" she began. "Give me… god that stings… give me... another…" You could almost hear the sound of jaws hitting the floor through the stunned silence.

"I… I don't think… I don't think that's a good idea…" Cutlass said with sudden concern in her voice and a raised eyebrow, but Maho slammed her fist on the bar, shaking the glass beside her.

"I said… god that's hot… Give me… another!" Cutlass looked back to Ogin, who observed her guest for a few seconds, sharing the girl's concern, but ultimately gave in.

"If she wishes to have another, give her another. She doesn't seem like she's used to being denied what she asks for. A girl after my own heart," she replied, even if she just mumbled the last bit to herself.

"But...but why? You are clearly in pain? At least drink the milkshake first…"

"Because…" Maho began to answer, bending her head down as tears began to well in her eyes, hiding them behind her bangs. "Because I deserve to be punished for all the pain I've caused... and at least through this vile mixture, I regain some clarity. For months I've been in a daze, and the fire this drink sets alight within at least brings me back to the world proper." She was shaking, not only from the pain, but from sadness as well. A tear fell onto her clenched fist as she grimaced in an attempt to keep herself together. After a few seconds, she could feel a hand on her shoulder.

"You'll do fine. You seem a strong and fiery lass." As Maho looked up, she saw Ogin standing beside her and another girl, buff with black hair, handing her a platter of food. "You don't strike me as one to talk about your issues or past, cause neither am I. But if you feel that Cutlass' drinks can grant you some clarity, you are free to drop by whenever you wish." She gave Maho's shoulder a pat and put the plate before her, before putting her hands in her pockets and making her way towards the door. "We'll give you some space. You seem to need it." She gave a quick gesture to the rest of her companions as she reached it. "Ladies. We're leaving."

A calm and quiet fell over the bar after they had left, leaving Maho and Cutlass as the only ones left. Maho began to pick at the food while Cutlass moved some things around behind the counter.

"I really hope you're not expecting me to be the sort of bartender who asks how you're doing and helps you figure out your problems," Cutlass said dryly.

"I'm not," Maho replied as she began to eat. Getting some food in her seemed to do her good. "And I really hope you're not expecting me to be the sort of patron who lays out my life's story in search of advice and answers," she answered equally dryly. There was something about the place that gave Maho a sense of calm and perspective, something she couldn't quite explain. Perhaps it was the 'Hiroshima', perhaps it was her own self finally breaking through where the darkness had spun it's cobwebs for the past few years. At this point she wasn't even sure who or what 'her own self' was. But with the smoldering fires of the drink still keeping her mind clear, she could perhaps come to figure it all out. Her self-reflection was interrupted by a glass being pushed towards her. A glass that was warm to the touch, and filled with a fiery mix of colors.

Author's Notes:

Not much to say this week, is there? We've gone back to see at least some of what Maho's been up to since her "dissappearance" in chapter 4, but not everything. If everything goes to plan, we should catch up with the rest of the story by next week, so here's hoping.

As always, any feedback and/or reviews is greatly appreciated, and thank you all for your support of this series.

Rihno