Dein Weg ist Mein Weg
Chapter XX
The Devastation
The sun was rising over the sea as Maho looked out from the bow of the school carrier. The gentle morning breeze was fresh and warm, carrying the smell of the sea with it, and the majestic colours painting the sky made her feel warm inside. Every shade of orange, red, and yellow she could imagine and more covered the horizon, tapering off into a clear blue sky above, with only the bustle of the city behind her and the cries of seagulls overhead disturbing the moment. She drew a few deep breaths, simply taking in the morning. She was finally free. Kuromorimine and her mother's training was a distant memory, driven from her mind. There was no rain, there were no tanks, and there was no one who knew who she had once been. She had started a new life, and she would live it to its fullest. She was happy, and she was at peace.
Through the relative peace and quiet, she could hear faint footsteps drawing closer to where she was standing. That was fine. With a morning this beautiful, it made sense that others would want to enjoy it as well.
"Here for the view?" Maho asked without turning around. She was too enchanted by the sight to do so, as she looked out from the very edge of the ship.
"No," a cheerful voice answered, and suddenly the scene began to shift. The gorgeous sky began to hide behind dark clouds, the seagulls fell silent, and the warm breeze was replaced by a cold and stinging rain. As Maho looked down at her arms, she saw that her bright and colorful clothing had changed as well. Somehow, for reasons passing her understanding, she was once again dressed in the black and red of Kuromorimine.
"I'm here for you, Nishizumi," the voice said with sinister glee, and as Maho turned around in the rain, which cut her skin like razor blades, she saw the Student Council President grinning at her.
"What do you want, Pipsqueak?" Maho growled at her, but instead of recoiling or taking a cautious step back, the twin-tailed girl instead laughed and took another step towards Maho, closing the distance between them to mere centimeters.
"I already told you, didn't I?" she asked, looking up at Maho with that happy yet insidious smile of hers. Maho was about to ask what she meant, but before she could do so, the pipsqueak answered her own question. "I want you, Nishizumi."
With that, she put a hand against Maho's chest, and pushed. Maho's view shifted from the president to the dark and cloudy skies in an instant, and she was falling. At first she didn't even realize what had happened, only staring blankly up at the grey rain-clouds above her rushing away from her as the freezing rain cut across her face and the wind rushed past her ears. In the edge of her vision, she could see the hull of the school carrier rushing past her as the colossal ship sailed further and further away from her.
She didn't scream as she fell. She barely reacted at all. She simply felt cold and hurt and angry as she kept falling, for what felt like an eternity. All throughout her fall, she knew she was falling towards her destruction, and that it was the pipsqueak who had pushed her. But what could she do, except await the moment when she would hit the water and be crushed by the waves? A few moments more, and there it was. She smashed into the water's surface with the force of a meteor, and immense pain shot like lightning throughout her body, as if she had just fallen onto concrete. She tried to look up, to gasp for air, but there was only darkness as she sank into the murky abyss that was her watery grave.
The world was silent and dark, but light slowly seemed to simmer back into her vision as Maho opened her eyes. Her head felt like it was being crushed under the treads of a Maus, and as she gathered her strength to sit up, it became clear why she was so weak. Her body was covered by small cuts and bruises, and her black uniform and red skirt were torn and rumpled. She gritted her teeth as she pulled herself up against a nearby wall, just sitting there for several minutes, drawing heavy, painful breaths. Every breath felt like inhaling acid, and her chest stung as she struggled against the pain.
Looking around her, she didn't recognize her surroundings. She was sitting on the ground in an alleyway, leaning limply against a wall. Before her was circular cracks in the pavement, as if a shell or meteor had impacted there. Then she remembered. She had been falling. Someone had pushed her. She had been pushed from the deck of the carrier, and she had been falling. She had crashed into something. She had crashed into something hard, and it had been painful.
She tried willing her body to move, but every muscle and limb lit up in shocks of pain and protest when she did. She had to get up. She didn't know why. She just knew that she couldn't stay there. She knew that she was in danger, and if she stayed where she was, she would die. She didn't know how. She just knew. She tried again, gritting her teeth against the pain. Using the wall behind her for support, she somehow managed to push herself to her feet, and putting a hand against her aching side, she began hobbling down the alleyway towards the bigger road.
Once she got there, she almost collapsed from the sight. She was standing in a city, but there was no one there. From the looks of things, no one had lived here for a long time. Lampposts were bent and crooked, or had fallen down entirely. Windows were smashed, and walls had either crumpled and collapsed, or were riddled with holes and scorch-marks. In some buildings, where at least a semblance of a roof could be found, small fires still burned. The streets were covered with rubble and craters, and completing the tragic picture was the impenetrable grey clouds above, littering the ground with stinging rain.
Even though the scene filled her with both awe and fear, she knew she couldn't stay. She needed to find cover, needed to find shelter, needed to find some place to hide. She didn't know why. She just knew that she would die if she didn't. She slowly continued hobbling down the larger street, using whatever she could find that was still standing to lean against and catch her breath. Every step was agony, and every breath was torture.
In the distance she could hear a rumble. She could hear explosions. She could hear mirthless laughter. She didn't want to know what thing was making those sounds. She just knew that it was dangerous. She knew it was coming towards her. No, not coming towards her. It was chasing her. She had never seen this danger, but she knew. Somehow she knew. She knew that she was its prey, and that she had to hide. It would kill her if it found her.
Despite the pain, she hurried her pace. The pain only increased, especially as fear quickened her breathing, but she couldn't stay. To stay would be death. To be vulnerable like this would be death. To fall would be death. She had to get away, she had to run, she had to hide, hide from whatever this unseen hunter was.
As she hobbled through the broken and cracked streets, seeing more and more ruined husks of buildings, she was filled with a sense of familiarity with every glimpse. As if she had been here before. As if she had seen these buildings, and walked these streets. And with every new street she forced herself down, every shattered storefront and ruined house she passed, this feeling grew. She had been here before. She must have been. If she hadn't, why did she somehow know which way to go whenever she came to an intersection? Why did she somehow know in what order stores and houses would be placed along the next road? Why did she know how many floors the ruin she had just passed had once possessed? Why did she know what the rusted and crumpled street signs had once said?
She had been here before. She had seen this place before, when it wasn't a ruin. She had seen this place when it was filled with people. She must have. It was the only explanation. But when? And where? Apart from her family home, she had never been away from the Graf Zeppelin. Right? Whatever the case may be, this was clearly not the Graf Zeppelin.
In the distance, she could hear the rumble getting closer. She could hear the explosions grow louder. She could hear the laughter echoing through the dead streets and empty alleyways. Her hunter was getting closer, and she still had no place to hide. She had to hide. She had to run. She had to get away.
But there was something else as well. Beyond the rumble, beyond the explosions, beyond the laughter. It was a voice. Maho didn't recognize it. But at the same time she did. It was as if she had heard the voice every day of her life, and simultaneously never heard it before. It was calling out for something. Or maybe for someone. She didn't quite know. She couldn't understand what the voice was saying. All she could understand was how it repeated whatever it was calling, over and over. As if searching for something. For someone.
She pressed her body even further, her limbs and cuts and bruises practically screaming in pain as she continued. She would die if she didn't, and even her body being numbed into senselessness was a better fate than that.
As she turned another corner towards the center of town, which she somehow knew where it was, without being able to explain how, she for the first time saw something more than only ruins and fire and rain. She began to see bodies. All throughout the streets, she began seeing bodies of young girls, and contorted and twisted metallic husks on treads nearby them. If she wasn't running from her pursuer, she would have checked to see if any of them were still alive. But she didn't have the time, she had to run. Not that it mattered. It was pretty clear that she was alone as the only living thing in this ruined town. She was alone with herself and the unseen monster that was chasing her.
On one street she saw a dark-green husk of metal, covered in white markings she couldn't quite read, and scattered around it was a group of tall and slender girls, and one short with black hair, all of them in white and red clothing. These girls looked familiar to her, and yet they didn't.
Down another she found a flat lump of metal, it's roof having been blown out from inside and a long metallic tube sticking out the front that looked like a nose or the trunk of an elephant. The bodies surrounding this one were different from the ones around the dark green one. Where they had been tall and uniform in their appearance, these ones only looked mismatched and strange. One wore a drab jacket, with a cap lying beside her. One had a long red scarf wrapped around her neck. Another was covered by a black coat, and the last had a red ribbon with golden markings in her hair. These bodies too seemed like she had met them before, but how could she have? She had never been here. Had she?
As she reached the end of this street, she came to a large open area, covered in what once had been grass, but was now only rubble and mud, reduced to a soggy mess by the incessant rain. How did she know that it had been grass? She didn't know, and yet she did. On the open area before her stood three more husks of metal. In the distance she could see one tall and pink, with a giant hole running through it, and a few meters away, a mangled one that was a bluish grey. Closest to her, lying on its side, was a golden one, its treads destroyed and scattered across the muddy field, buried and twisted like shrapnel.
As Maho hobbled across the open field, she saw more bodies. Passing the golden husk, she saw a girl with short raven hair, and a strange monocle lying cracked and broken beside her. A few meters from her was a short girl with red hair tied up in twintails, a smug grin on her lifeless face. She didn't know why, but Maho knew she hated these girls. Why? She didn't know. She just knew that she did, despite not knowing them. But despite this unexplained hatred, she still felt jolts of pain and sorrow whenever she looked at their lifeless forms.
Beside the bluish grey lump of crushed metal, she saw a tall girl with long black hair, a shorter one holding a blackened cellphone, with hair in a flaming orange color, another black-haired girl who only looked like she was sleeping, and a girl with brown hair growing wildly on her head, embracing the metallic husk even in her lifeless and limp form.
Something felt wrong. Her head only felt worse and worse, as if a thousand hammers were banging at it from inside. This all seemed so familiar. But why? Why did she seem to know where she was? Why did she seem to recognize these girls? Why did the pain inside her only grow when she looked at them? Why? Why? Why?
Maho didn't want to stay here. She couldn't stay here. She had to continue to run, to find somewhere to hide. But now that didn't seem like the only reason. The longer she stayed here, the more she felt pain and sorrow burrowing through her body as she kept looking at the bodies of these strangers that she somehow recognized. How could she know these girls? She didn't even know herself. All she knew was that she was in danger, and that she needed to run, to hide. She pressed on, trying again to push herself further through the endless pain.
But even though that sadness and sorrow she couldn't explain slowly died down the further she got from the metallic husks and the lifeless bodies, it returned as she drew nearer to the final husk. She wanted to avoid it, to stay as far away from it as possible, but something she couldn't explain compelled her towards it. Something deep within her needed to see what she would find lying around this particular lump of destroyed and twisted metal.
She put a hand on the pink metal beast with the two tubes sticking off it, trying to steady herself. As she passed the large hole that had been torn from one side to the other, she saw more bodies inside. More strangers she somehow recognized, despite having never seen them before. But this one was different. Through the rain, through the distant sound of rumbling and explosions and laughter, and through the strange voice calling out across the ruined town, she could hear something. A faint, wheezing sound. The sound of breathing. Every few seconds it was replaced by an equally faint and wheezing coughing sound, but it was clearly the sound of another living being. The rumbling and laughter was still far behind her, so she felt certain it wasn't her pursuer. Somehow, in some way Maho didn't understand, she knew that whatever, or whoever, was making this sound was important. She knew that it mattered. She knew that she had to find the source of this sound.
Maho slowly continued around the dead and hollow structure, and looking behind it, she found what she was searching for. Lying on the ground was a young girl. She had short brown hair, and wore a white shirt and green skirt, with a stuffed pink rabbit lying in her arm. The girl wasn't moving, but her chest was slowly moving up and down, and the girl's lips were moving. She was rambling something through raspy breaths.
"Are… are you alright?" Maho asked of the girl as she knelt down beside her. "Are… are you in pain? Is there something I can do?" For some reason that she didn't understand, she wanted to care for this girl. She wanted to make sure she was safe, and she didn't know why. Why wasn't she running away? Why wasn't she finding some place to hide? Why was she stopping to help this young girl who was already doomed?
She didn't know, but for some reason she didn't care. She needed to help this girl. She didn't know why, but she knew that that was what she needed to do.
"Ma… Maho…" the girl said through rasping breaths, seemingly sharing in Maho's own agonizing pain. "Why… why did you…"
"Why did I what?" Maho asked. How did this girl know her name? And why did she seem so familiar, even more than the other girls had?
Suddenly, the girl jerked forwards, and grabbed Maho by the neck, pressing hard against her throat, choking her. "Why did you let this happen?!" the girl growled, as if possessed. "Why didn't you do anything?! Why did you abandon us to this fate?! Why did you let us down?! You could have prevented this! You could have saved us!"
"Ple… please…" Maho managed to whisper through the choking grasp on her throat, despite trying to pull away from the girl with both hands. "I don't… I don't know… what I did…"
"You did nothing!" the girl continued, baring her gritted teeth to Maho. "You were a coward. You ran! You hid! You let us be destroyed! You let everyone get hurt! You never cared!"
"Bu… but… but how… why… what…"
"YOU FAILED US! YOU LET US ALL DOWN! YOU LET ME DOWN!"
Maho didn't understand. What had she done? Why was she responsible for this ruined world? Why was this girl so angry with her? Who was this gir-...
Suddenly, as she was running out of air and energy with which to fight back, a flash of light appeared in Maho's mind. An empty playground. Herself sitting on a bench. A girl sitting beside her. A girl with short brown hair with a white shirt and green skirt. This girl. They were talking. She couldn't hear or understand what they were talking about. All she heard was muffled sounds, except for one single word. No. Not a word. A name.
"A…" she tried to speak with the last of her strength, "Azu...sa…?"
The girl showed an evil grin, and continued pressing harder on Maho's throat, until Maho felt her vision begin to blacken at the edges, and how she was beginning to lose consciousness. She was certain she was about to faint, when suddenly the grip against her throat was released, and she recoiled from the girl, from Azusa, coughing and gasping for air. Once she had caught her breath, and managed to refill her lungs with air, Maho looked back at Azusa, who was now lying limp and lifeless on the ground where she had found her.
Despite what had just happened, Maho rushed back to Azusa's side, grasping her by the shoulders and shaking her gently. "Azusa…" she asked timidly. "Azusa… please… please wake up…" She bent down and hugged the lifeless body of the girl, crying. As the tears fell, everything began flooding back into her mind. She had met all these girls before. She had fought beside them. She had tried to lead them. She had seen these twisted metallic husks before. No, not husks. Tanks. She had seen these tanks before. She had been to this town before. She had walked these streets and shopped in these stores. This was her home. This was Ooarai. Or more specifically, the Zuikaku. This was her home, these were people she knew, and now it was all in ruin. And apparently, it was all her fault. She was to blame for this devastation.
Suddenly, she heard the mirthless laughter from before. The rumbling in the distance had stopped. The explosions had fallen silent. But the laughter remained. Reluctantly, Maho let go of Azusa's body and turned around. Behind her, through the pouring rain and against the backdrop of grey skies and ruined buildings, stood a lone Tiger 1-tank, painted in solid black, and with the numbers 212 emblazoned on the side in flaming red.
Staring down at her from the open hatch of the turret, was Maho. Or rather, a fiery mirror image of Maho, made entirely out of purple flames that danced in the form of herself. The flaming doppelganger glared at her with eyes full of hatred and disgust, and as it opened its mouth to speak, a voice Maho recognized emanated through the silent ruined town. Her mother's voice.
"A Nishizumi doesn't run." The voice was cold, unrelenting, and sharp, every syllable cutting fresh wounds upon her skin. "Dishonoring the Nishizumi style has a cost. You may have escaped it once, but now you will pay the price." The doppelganger pointed her arm towards Maho, and the gun of the Tiger lit up in a bright flash of light and the roar of cannonfire, illuminating the grey town as Maho was thrown across the muddy park by the explosion, crashing painfully into the husk of the Panzer IV.
Looking up with groggy and unfocused eyes, Maho could barely make out the flickering mass of flames walking slowly towards her through the rain. She tried to get up, to run, to fight, to hide, to do something, but she was in too much pain to move. Her head was spinning, and even as her vision cleared, she was too weak to do anything. Looking down, she could see her chest cracked open, a window into the dark void within.
The flaming doppelganger kept walking closer with slow and steady efficiency, and through the pain, Maho somehow managed to push herself to her feet, but she couldn't get away. She could barely remain standing, even while leaning most of her weight against the ruined tank. Once her mirror image was before her, she tried in vain to strike it with her fist, but there was neither energy nor strength behind the attack, and her foe was left free to pin her against the tank, pressing its fiery lower arm against her throat. More pain. More burning, immolating, excruciating pain. Every touch from this demonic creature set her skin on fire, and all she could do was scream.
It pressed its burning nails against the void in her chest, slowly and painfully pressing its flaming fingers deeper and deeper within. As the pain grew and the monster before Maho continued with the torture, the void within her began to crack open like an egg at the flames' very touch. She couldn't resist. She couldn't think. She could only scream from the excruciating pain, as the flames pushed deeper, and the void cracked open further, finally revealing her heart deep within. The moment the violet fire of her clone touched against her heart, it too was set ablaze in dancing purple flames, and the pain increased in a way Maho had never believed possible. She screamed and screamed from the pain until her lungs were empty, as she caught scattered glances of her skin turning to ash and her clothes falling in burning scraps to the ground.
"I knew this was your weakness. One final flaw that needs to be eliminated."
The Maho that was torturing her smirked, and pulled her hand back. She was enjoying this. Then she pulled her arm back further, curling her flaming fingers into a fist, and struck it straight through Maho's burning heart.
Maho bolted upright in her bed with a scream, clutching at her chest and covered in sweat. Her entire body was numb, and simultaneously in excruciating pain. She sat there for several minutes, curled up into a ball and clutching at her chest, trying in vain to calm her breathing down.
Once she finally managed to calm herself, trying with all her might to drive the horrific dream from her mind, she looked at the time. Sighing, she realized there would be no chance of going back to sleep, as the team was soon to meet and disembark for the match against Saunders.
Later in the day…
"Pipsqueak!" Maho called to Anzu, who was still standing around one of Saunders' many food carts, chowing down on whatever snacks were placed before her as she bantered with Kay, the enemy commander. "Would you stop pigging out, and maybe get back to our camp?"
"Hey!" Momo yelled back, and began storming over towards Maho. "You may think you can do as you like back on the Zuikaku, but you will show the President the respect she deserves while not aboard the carrier!"
"Who's going to make me, Cyclops? You?" Maho replied and crossed her arms, raising an amused eyebrow. "She's not exactly the best at commanding respect, and you're nowhere near as intimidating as you think you are."
"Shut up, you arrogant bastard!" Momo yelled as she put her foot down and glared at Maho. "You're nothing but a pampered rich girl, strutting about doing whatever you want, openly breaking rules just because you're from a famous family!" She tried to punch Maho in the face, but with a lifetime of Sensha-Do training and keeping her body safe from shells, she swiftly avoided and blocked the strike.
"Wanna switch?" Maho growled as they both gripped the other and the situation devolved into a tussle. "You wouldn't make it an hour as a Nishizumi."
"You smug, stuck-up narcissist! The only reason you're even here is because-"
"That's enough, the both of you." Momo was interrupted by Yuzu, who pushed the two of them apart. "Last I checked, we're on the same team, so act like it."
Momo and Maho only glared at each other, both unaware of the many fascinated looks they were getting from the Saunders students around them.
"This isn't going to lead anywhere, and you two are going to have to start getting along, whether you like it or not."
"Eh, Nishizumi's right," Anzu chimed in with her grinning smile as she passed the trio. "The match's gonna start soon, so we had better be in the tanks when it does." She finished the hot dog she was eating, and as if wanting to provide no further opportunity for discord, let out a loud burp, and laughed. "See ya later, Kay! And thanks for the meal! I'll be sure to give you some dried sweet potatoes as consolation when we win!"
She continued, seemingly unaware of the scene she had interrupted, through Saunders' sprawling camp and toward the forest that separated Ooarai's preparatory area from its bigger counterpart.
"Fine!" Momo muttered, and shook free of Yuzu's grip. She gave Maho one final glare, before sprinting away for a few steps to follow after Anzu.
Yuzu sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose as her two colleagues left. "Look, I know she's being clumsy, but you know the stakes. Momo's not going to let anything stop her once she's gotten an idea into her head."
Maho sighed as well, before answering. "Whatever." It's not like it's going to matter in a few hours… she thought as Yuzu ran after the rest of the Student Council, and Maho was forced to follow. She was suddenly the only member of Ooarai's team left at Saunders' camp, and a number of people still had their eyes fixed squarely on her.
"Hey, it's the Commander..." Maho heard Aya say in a hushed voice to her crewmates as she walked over towards the M3 Lee. She chose to ignore it. If anything, whatever reputation the girl was commenting on meant that once Maho reached the twin-turreted american tank, Azusa was the only one of the crew that hadn't scampered off, which suited Maho perfectly.
"Azusa, you have a minute?"
Azusa glanced over to Maho from where she stood, looking over a checklist from a clipboard, before sighing. "Sure. What do you want?" She didn't even turn to look at Maho as she replied.
"I just wanted to check that you were doing okay. With everything that's happened, I thought maybe… You know..." Maho took a step closer, but Azusa still seemed cold and reserved. This wasn't new. She had seemingly been avoiding Maho ever since their run-in with Erika and Miho in Tokyo two weeks ago. Still, the girl had always been the more cheerful and driven of the two whenever they spoke, and Maho still wasn't entirely sure how to strike up a conversation with her.
"I'm fine."
"You sure? You seem a bit… I don't know…"
"I said I'm fine," Azusa snapped, and looked over at Maho. "Anything else?"
Maho didn't say anything for a few seconds. "Is it what Miho and Erika said? If it is, I just want you to know I won't let them-"
"It's not, and unless you have something else to say, I'm kinda busy," she shot back, interrupting Maho and taking her aback slightly with a bitter glare.
"Oh…" Maho said, and took a step back. "Then… then I guess it's nothing. Good luck out there…"
"Yeah," Azusa muttered as she returned her attention to her checklist, "you too…"
With the conversation so clearly over, Maho could only sigh and leave, walking over to the small tent the team had brought, to change into her tankery uniform. As with many things, Maho didn't share the rest of the team's excitement at the new uniform. A white skirt and olive tank-top, complimented by a decent set of climbing boots formed the basis of the uniform, which she could at least tolerate, even if she wasn't a great fan of having to clean oil and dirt out of the white skirt afterwards. But it was the jacket she took issue with the most.
It was sewn from decent material and could take some punishment, and it was both warm enough to function on at least a moderately cold day as well as light enough that you wouldn't get heat-stroke on a warm one. All things she looked for in a decent tank jacket.
What bothered her was the color. Sure, the white collar with the red detailing along the edge looked good enough, even if it shared the same issues as the skirt, but the jacket itself was sewn out of a dark-blue suede, with a softer white cotton cloth being used to line the insides. While the color itself wasn't very close to Kuromorimine's black jackets, the similarities overtook the differences in Maho's mind, and she tried to avoid wearing the jacket as much as she could, often replacing it with her trenchcoat, or even not wearing it at all during training sessions.
But now it couldn't be helped. She had to wear the dark jacket, and that was that. She sighed, and pulled it on. Whatever complaint she had with the materials and coloring, she couldn't extend to the craftsmanship, which was by all measures excellent.
"Maho?" Saori asked from outside the tent. "Are you ready? The match is about to begin."
"Yeah, I'll be right there," Maho muttered in reply and listened to the sound of Saori's boots walking away, before making her final preparation. She reached into her bag, and pulled out a small container, which she up-ended into the palm of her hand. Two green and white pills fell into her hand, and she glared down at the stupid medication for a few moments. She hated what they did to her head, but it was the only way she could get anywhere near a tank. She swore under her breath, and threw the pills into her mouth, swallowing them down with a gulp of water from her canteen.
She shuddered as the pills slipped down her throat, the mere anticipation of their effects putting her at unease. Having taken a moment to steady herself, she put the container that had housed the pills back in her bag, and walked out to the waiting tank.
"Alright, this is going to be exciting!" Yukari exclaimed and threw a few excited punches in the air.
"Yeah, those Saunders-girls won't know what hit 'em!" Saori joined in, looking up into the turret from her new position in the radio commander's seat.
"Maho, is something wrong?" Hana asked after a few more excited exchanges between the crew, clearly having noted Maho's silence.
"No…" Maho lied, and leaned back in her seat to avoid Hana and Yukari's concerned looks. "I just prefer silence before a match."
"Oh, then we'll be sure to oblige, Commander!" Yukari cut in and saluted Maho. The tank quieted down soon after, and Maho was left alone, with only the excruciating, stinging pain making its way across her torso.
As if she had been torn asunder by a fiery demon, the scars on her back flared up in silent agony, like flaming gashes that burned her both within and without, but she refused to repeat the lessons again, even silently in her mind. She knew how well it focused her mind, how efficiently it quelled the pain, and how much strength it gave her. Her time at Kuromorimine had made that more than clear. Still, she refused to give in again. If she did, she knew what would happen. She would sink down into the abyss again, and turn back into the dark monster that had taken command in the battle against St. Gloriana. She refused to let that happen again. She would never let her mother and the old Maho take over again, and if that meant she would have to go through the match while being burned alive by the pain, then so be it.
She gritted her teeth, and emptied her canteen down her throat in an attempt to douse the flames within her, to lessen the pain, but no, if anything the pain only intensified. She wanted to scream. She wanted to push herself up and out of the Panzer IV and just run. Run until she found a lake or river she could drown both the pain and herself in, but she knew she couldn't. This was to be her last time in a tank, and if she had to burn herself to ash to get through it without giving in to the darkness, then she would.
Thankfully, it didn't take long for things to get underway. After another few minutes, the preparations were complete, and her wait was over.
Maho tried her best not to sigh as the signal rocket fired, marking the beginning of their match against Saunders. The battle before them was hopeless, and she knew as much. They were outgunned, outmanned, outnumbered, outplanned. But that wasn't the biggest problem. That was the fact that not only were the stakes far higher than Maho had ever seen before, but the rest of Ooarai were blissfully unaware of both how doomed their chances of victory were, and what the consequences of losing were. Just the sort of blind faith in their chances the pipsqueak was looking for in the team...
Ever since she had drawn the lot that made Saunders' their opponents, Maho had known that it was futile to hope. And yet, despite knowing the truth, some insolent part of her refused to accept defeat so easily. A small, stubborn vestige of her years of training. She had tried over and over and over again to come up with a plan for victory, and time and time again she had arrived at the only possible conclusion: There was no way for them to achieve victory.
The only thing she could hope for was that no one got hurt, and that she didn't give in to the tyrant that lived rent free in her mind.
"Alright, let's get this party started!" The President called over the radio, and a shout of excitement followed from the other tanks. Even in the Panzer IV there was an air of excitement, and Maho was the only one not partaking.
She solemnly reached a hand to the mic on her throat, and began to speak. "All tanks, Panzer Vor." The rumble of engines filled the air as the mismatched team began to roll out. "Our first objective is to take the high ground at point NW0327. From there we should be able to repel Saunders' advance from the North." A sense of self-loathing entered Maho's mind. She knew what she was doing, and she hated herself for it. Playing defensively had never been her forté, but it was her only option.
She had told the team that the plan was meant to rob Saunders of their numerical advantage, and thus turn the battle into something that at least resembled a fair fight. That much was true, at least in part. If they could dig in atop the hill and lay down a barrage on Saunders as they advanced through the open plain to the north of their position, a well-drilled and equipped team would be able to turn the match in their favor. But Maho wasn't leading a team like that. She was leading the senseless blend of tanks manned by beginners that was Ooarai. The only reason she had settled on this strategy was that it minimized the odds of anyone getting hurt in Saunders offensive. As long as Kay didn't decide to send her forces another way, everything would be fine. The match would soon be over, and so would Maho's torture.
"Commander?" Yukari asked tentatively. "Are you sure they're coming here?"
"They have to," Maho replied and continued scanning the horizon for Saunders' tanks. "The only sensible thing they can do is to deny us this hill. As long as we hold it, they won't be able to pass down that open field." She lowered her binoculars and pointed to a corridor of open terrain leading towards their position. "They're assuming we're holding position by the river a few clicks back, so this is the perfect place for us to strike and hold our ground." A cloud of exhaust and dust appeared in the distance, just like Maho had predicted.
"Is that them over there?" Saori asked and pointed.
"Sure is," Maho sighed. "Alright ladies, to your positions." Around her she could both see and hear the turrets of Ooarai's tanks turn and take aim. "Only fire on my command. We need to do as much damage as possible with the first salvo."
"Copy that, Commander!"
"Alright, Nishizumi! Let's do this!"
"Guts! Aimed and ready!"
"The StuG is loaded and ready to unleash hell on your command, mein Kommandant!"
"Hana, take aim at the lead Sherman," Maho said in a low voice, keeping her eyes fixed on the smoke getting closer on the horizon.
"Yes, Commander," the black-haird girl replied, and the turret made a small adjustment.
"Alright, everyone stay ready…" Maho said over the radio, holding the mic on her throat with one hand and the binoculars with the other. Three Shermans had just appeared within range, and she was sure that the rest were about to follow. "Steady… steady…"
The sound of several explosions broke her concentration, and in a fury she dropped the binoculars, which fell back down against her chest. "I SAID STEADY! WHO THE HELL FIR-" her question was answered by grass and dirt being thrown into the air all around them, and as Maho looked around, she could see the origin of the explosions. The rest of Saunders' forces. Two Shermans were coming at them from the East, two were coming from the West, and completing the encirclement was another two from the South.
A flash of cannonfire appeared among the three tanks from the North, and another set of explosions soon followed. The three shells impacted between Ooarai's dug-in tanks, showering Maho in dirt and grass they threw up. "FIRE AT WILL!" she yelled over the radio. "All tanks, fire on the Shermans in the North! We need an opening! NOW!"
Ooarai's guns answered Saunders' assault with an explosive cacophony of their own, with shells flying down the hill towards what Maho had assumed was Kay's vanguard. Two shells missed entirely, while the other three struck just shy of their target, or bounced off the cast-iron armor. Maho swore to herself at the sight, and again as another salvo fired on their position from the encroaching tanks.
Their dug-in positions thankfully made Ooarai's tanks harder to hit, but even that didn't make up for Saunders' superior accuracy. This time, only one shell struck into the grassy hill, while the other five all pinged off the sitting ducks that was Ooarai's forces.
"All tanks, reverse and prepare to move out!" Maho called over the radio. "Keep firing on the enemy as we move. All it takes is one good shot and we take one of them out." She was lying, but not fully. It was true that a single shot would often be enough to take out an enemy tank. But the fact of the matter remained that the team was not at any risk of hitting even the broadside of the Zuikaku while they were on the move.
Still, the rumble of five engines sputtered to life, and with a coordination that surprised even Maho, the five tanks reversed up and out of their dugouts. The StuG and M3 Lee even managed to get a salvo off while doing so, while the rest of the team followed shortly after.
Satisfied that all tanks were ready to move, Maho ducked back into the turret of the Panzer IV, and gave the order. "All tanks, move out!"
The Panzer IV began rolling down the hillside with her sisters beside her, picking up speed as they did so. "Line formation, 4 metre interval, match speed of lead tank." she added once they reached the bottom of the hill, and looking out through the periscopes, she could see her orders take effect, even as turrets swung wildly around and explosions sounded from both their own and the enemy tanks.
"But, Commander," Azusa called over the radio, "What about the Shermans ahead?!"
"Don't worry about them! Just keep firing!" Maho replied. "We're going to break right through."
Looking behind her, she could see the four Shermans that had flanked them shift course and rolling around the hill, joining into a wedge ready to pursue, while the two that had come from the South crested the hill and took up positions in the ditches Ooarai so graciously had dug for them, and began firing at them, doing to Maho what she had planned to do to Kay.
"They're trying to close ranks…" Mako said dryly from the driver's seat, pulling Maho's attention back to the platoon that was before them. The three Shermans, one M4A6, with Kay looking out from the Commander's hatch, flanked by a 75mm M4 on either side, were indeed trying to block their path, closing the distance between each other further and further. Specifically, they were trying to block the Panzer IV and the 38(t) from escaping, which was of course sensible. Separating Maho from her forces was a basic enough strategy, but it was effective for a reason, and cutting the Student Council in their 38(t) off from the rest of the team was equally valuable, since they were acting as Ooarai's flag tank.
"I'll give Saunders this, they can be rather clever when they try…" Maho muttered, as the armored noose of Kay's forces began pulling tighter and tighter around Maho's small group of tanks. "Well, let's give them what they want, shall we?" She pressed on her throat-mic, and called out to the team. "Teams B and C, break formation and split off to North-Northwest. Team D, Break formation and split towards North-Northeast. Team E, hold relative position and maintain speed."
"Good luck, Commander," Azusa replied, and to their right Maho could see the M3 Lee turn away slightly so as to evade the three Shermans' blockade.
"Hippo, breaking off. See you on the other side!" Erwin followed.
"Yeah, just smash right through 'em!" Noriko chimed in, and the StuG III and Type 89 broke off to the left, also lining themselves up so as to avoid the armored wall that was forming before them. Now only the Panzer IV and 38(t) remained, and they were barreling at a steady pace towards the blockade, the gaps in which were growing smaller by the second.
"I hope they're holding on to something in there, because this is going to get bumpy…" Maho said to herself, and opened the hatch above her, popping her head and torso back out into the open, with both wind and shells flying past her. She was going to need every bit of visibility possible if she was going to pull this off. To get through Kay's formation, she would have to attempt the incredible task of trying to manage the positions of two tanks that were both moving at speed, with a margin of error of mere centimeters.
"Mako, go slightly left… now right… a little more… Yuzu, go about a half-a-meter further away from us… stop… now back a bit… there… wait… Mako… adjust us slightly… A little to the right… now left…" Slowly but surely, which was not at all the speed Maho was wishing this maneuver would take on, the tanks moved into position relative to each other, as Maho kept looking back and forth between her own Panzer IV, E-teams 38(t), and the three Shermans moving closer and closer, eating at her margin of error with every moment, all the while having to dodge shells, and account for the turret of the Panzer IV moving wildly around as Hana and Yukari fired off round after round against their enemy. "All right, now screw formation, just book it!" she called over the radio to Yuzu and Mako both, and the two tanks' engines roared as they accelerated to top speed, barreling towards Kay's formation.
Here goes nothing… Maho thought as they reached the blockade of Shermans. The gap between Kay's M4A6 and the M4 to her right was slightly wider than the one to her left, and so the 38(t) managed to roar straight through the blockade and get out unscathed on the other side.
"WOOO-HOOO!" the call could be heard, as Anzu stuck her head out of the turret of the 38(t) and yelled at the top of her lungs, throwing her hands in the air as if she was on a rollercoaster.
Maho was not so fortunate. The fact that the medium tank was more than half-a-metre wider than the 38(t), and the smaller gap between the M4A6 and the M4, meant that as the Panzer IV rushed towards its rapidly closing exit, with Maho and Kay locking eyes as it did so, it gave off a horrible rasping sound as the left tread of the tank scraped against the side of the M4. The American tank would most assuredly need a new paint job, seeing as the Saunders logo emblazoned on its side was now covered in hideous scratches, and the sides of the green tank had large grey gashes in it where the German treads had scraped against it.
The bluish grey of the Panzer IV wasn't much better off, but Maho couldn't help but smirk at Kay as they passed by. They had somehow managed to break through.
"Alright, E-team, set off smoke." Maho said over the radio and pressed the small button beside her seat, causing a cloud of dense smoke to billow out from behind the Panzer IV. A moment later, it was joined by another from the 38(t), and the sound of cannonfire behind them soon died out as the enemy's visibility reached zero.
"Mako, any issues with the treads?" Maho asked the black-haired girl over the radio, doing her best to inspect the treads herself from looking at them from where she was standing in the turret.
"Not a bit. They work just as well as they did this morning." Mako answered in her disinterested voice, quelling Maho's worries.
"That's good…" She reached back to her mic, and called out to the now scattered tanks. "All tanks, regroup on lead. Staggered column, flag tank in the center."
"Aye, reforming formation now!" Erwin responded. "Nicely done, Commander."
"Yeah, that's what I'm talking about! All it took was some guts and determination!" Noriko cheered.
"Joining back up. On your right." Azusa said.
"Commander! That was incredible!" Yukari exclaimed with excitement. "I've never seen anything like it!"
"Yes, that was quite the skilled maneuver, Maho," Hana noted, now that her attention wasn't needed for firing the gun.
"If you ask me, that was too close for comfort…" Saori said and breathed a sigh of relief. "What if we had gotten stuck?"
"Well, we didn't," Mako replied dryly.
Maho didn't have time to think about what might have happened, as she watched the rest of Ooarai's tanks form up again. She had known Kay was a good commander, but to outplay her so decidedly was far more than Maho had anticipated. She looked down at her map and inspected the terrain, searching for somewhere to regroup. "Hmm… there…" she decided, and reached back up to her mic.
"All tanks, listen up. We're moving to point NE5206 to regroup. The enemy shouldn't be able to find us there. It's far too remote."
"Alright commander, moving out!" The reply came one after the other from Ooarai's regathered tanks, and they turned in an impressively tight formation to move through the forests of the battlefield, escaping Kay's trap and leaving Saunders behind.
"...and what the hell happened back there?! 'They don't know we're here' my ass!"
"I've told you, I have no idea how they knew where we were! It was a strategically sound plan, and it should have worked, but somehow Kay read me like an open book! I underestimated her, and I'm not going to do so again."
"Oh yeah? And what if those Shermans come barreling through that forest right this moment, huh? You're still not going to underestimate Saunders?"
"They're not going to barrel through that forest right now. They can't, because they don't know we're here!"
"That's what you said last time as well!"
Azusa sighed and ducked back into the turret of the M3, leaning back in her seat while Maho and Miss Kawashima kept on arguing about their situation.
"How long do you think they're going to keep this up?" Aya asked and handed Azusa a canteen of water and a bar of chocolate.
"No clue… I think it's a miracle we even got out of there in one piece…" Azusa replied, and accepted the drink and snack. "Thanks by the way."
"You're welcome," Aya smiled, and handed another canteen and piece of candy to Saki beside her.
"Hwey, do yu knouw fwere the..."
"Finish chewing before you ask, and maybe I can understand you."
Azusa chuckled and nodded, and made sure to swallow the chocolate and washing it down with water before trying again. "Do you know where the map is? I can't seem to find it."
"Oh…" Aya looked around bothe her own seat and Saki's, while Azusa did the same around hers. "Hey, Yuuki, do you have the map?" she called down into the hull of the tank.
"Hang on, I know I had it here somewhere…" the black-haired radio operator called back, and rummaged around for a few moments. "Wait, here it is!" she said triumphantly and pulled the clipboard with the map of the field on it out from a small slit behind the 75mm gun, handing it to Aya who in turn handed it to Azusa.
"Thanks…" Azusa said and accepted the map, inspecting their position for a moment. Something didn't feel quite right to her. After a few moments of double checking against the compass and running her finger across the map, making some simple calculations Maho had taught her, she realized why.
Azusa got back on her feet and looked out from the turret, scanning the horizon. On a hill in the distance she saw a small shape moving around, and getting her binoculars out, she could see what it was. A Sherman. It stopped in place, and its gun slowly but steadily started lining up towards their position. "Crap…" she murmured.
"What is it, Commander?"
"No time to explain," she said, hastily stuffing the map beside her seat and reaching up to her mic. "Karina, get the engine started. We need to get out of here."
"Commander?" the wild-haired redhead called back, confused.
"Just do it." She reached down to her radio set and switched the frequency to the entire team.
"Commander! Over there!" she yelled both over the radio and towards the still ongoing argument between Maho and Miss Kawashima, pointing towards the Sherman lining up on them. "Sherman at 230 degrees!"
"What?!" Maho yelled and let her attention stray from the argument, grabbing her own binoculars to look to where Azusa had pointed. Now the Commander also called out over the team's radio. "All tanks get moving! Saunders' Firefly is lining up a shot!"
This was easier said than done, as the tanks engines had all been turned off while they regrouped, both to make it easier to converse but also to not give away their position. Which somehow, the enemy had found anyways.
Because of Azusa's previous order, the M3 was the first to start moving, even while the other crews were still getting back in their seats. Keeping an eye on the small speck in the distance, Azusa saw a flash of light, and a moment later the sound of an explosion could be heard across the forests and fields, as a shell flew towards them at top speed. Flew towards her at top speed.
She didn't even have time to give the order to evade. She barely had time to get back into the turret for protection, just managing to close the hatch above her before the shell slammed into the side of the tank with the force of a locomotive, throwing them all around the interior as the M3 began to tilt over to its side, and then fall down defeated on the ground.
Azusa, along with the rest of her crew were thrown around like rag dolls inside the tank by the impact, until it came to rest on its side. At first everything seemed fine, but then she tried to move. Sharp jolts of pain struck all throughout her shoulder, and she cried out from the pain.
"Commander?!" Aya asked, her voice filled with worry, and crawled over to her friend. "Are you alright?!"
"Commander! Over there!" Azusa called over the radio and from her spot in the M3's turret, pulling Maho's attention away from her ongoing argument with the cyclops. Looking over to the M3, Maho saw that the girl was pointing towards something. "Sherman at 230 degrees!"
Immediately understanding, Maho grabbed her binoculars to confirm Azusa's observation, and she was indeed right. On a hill about 2 kilometers away was Saunders' Firefly, and it was lining up its gun on their position "Shit…" she muttered, and let go of her binoculars to grip at her mic. "All tanks get moving! Saunders' Firefly is lining up a shot!" she called over the radio, hoping that they hadn't been too late in spotting the sniper position as the different engines of Ooarai's tanks began sputtering to life again.
Her fears were quickly confirmed, as she saw the Firefly take a shot, and a few moments later the shell slammed into the M3, sending it up onto just it's left tread before crashing down hard on the solid ground. A white flag quickly popped out of the tanks side with its characteristic Schwipp-noise. Saunders had drawn first blood.
"Azusa?!" she called over the radio, but there was no reply. "Azusa, are you alright?!" Again, only silence. "Saori!"
"Y-yes Commander?!"
"Send out a call to D-team. Make sure everyone's alright!"
"Right! ... Rabbit team, come in Rabbit team? … Yuuki? Is everyone OK? … SHE'S WHAT?!"
"What is it?!" Maho yelled down to saori in the radio bay.
"It's…" Saori began to answer, her voice trembling. "It's Azusa… she's been hurt somehow…"
"WHAT?!" Maho yelled, and looked out from her hatch towards the felled M3. "Azusa?! Azusa?!"
Instead of Azusa's voice, Maho's yells were answered by more shells impacting all around them. They were seemingly being fired on from every direction, as shells bounced wildly of Ooarai's armor, or threw great pillars of dirt and grass flying into the sky and raining down upon them. Looking around the forest surrounding the clearing where they were hiding, Maho could see scattered flashes of cannonfire all around them.
They were surrounded again. Somehow, Kay had managed to once again read her plan like an open book, and find their exact position, sending tanks expertly to attack from all sides at once. But this time it was worse. This time Maho had not only failed at her half-hearted attempt to fight the battle before her, she had failed at keeping her teammates safe. She tried to close her eyes and focus, tried to 'see' where the enemy was, but she could see nothing.
Her mind was too clouded and unfocused. The burning pain from her scars only intensified as stress entered her thoughts. All that filled her mind was the cacophonic rumble of scattered engines all around her, the wild sound of cannons firing on them from all sides, and images of a battered and broken Azusa lying in a hospital bed next to Emi's.
"Commander, they're all around us!"
"Nishizumi, do something, you arrogant bastard!"
"My liege, we can't stay here! We're sitting ducks!"
"Maporiiiin!" Saori yelled between her scattered yips and screams as shell after shell bounced and slammed against their armor, and more and more calls for orders or a plan bombarded Maho over the radio. "What are we going to do?!"
"I… I…" Maho stammered as she slumped back into her seat, "I don't… I don't know…"
"Commander! Your orders?!"
"We need to do something Commander, or this is going to turn into another Dunkirk!"
"I thought you said they wouldn't find us?! Well, they have, so what's the plan?!"
"Maho, everyone wants orders! What should I tell them?"
"I don't know… I don't know… I don't-"
"But Maporin-"
"I DON'T KNOW!"
Next time on Dein Weg ist Mein Weg: The battle rages on! Is this the end of our story, or will Ooarai manage to turn the tides?"
Author's Notes:
So… let's first of all address the elephant on the page. The opening dream sequence. I never intended for it to become as long as it did, but I kinda got engrossed in its strange and twisted world as I was writing it, and because I know that it will become very important as we go on, I decided to just let it take whatever form it wanted. It is perhaps a tad too long, and a bit dark, but again, I hope you can all appreciate it for what it is.
As for the rest of the chapter, we're back to a battle, which as I mentioned during the St. Gloriana-match is one of those things I still don't know quite how to write, so I hope you can forgive me if it turns out the battle isn't quite on par with the rest of the series. Still, I hope that this new take on the battle against Saunders is entertaining enough to read, despite Maho's more doom-and-gloom, "this will never work"- attitude.
This week marks a number of momentous occasions in Dein Weg ist Mein Weg's existence. We of course have finally reached the beginning of the Nationals, and the series 20th chapter (Woo!), but it also marks the point where it breaks 100.000 words, and this week we also broke 7000 views on FFN, which is simply amazing, and again, thank you all so much for your support and feedback for this series!
For reviews from last week, I have this to say:
Xanmelton, no, I didn't intend for Maho and KMM's dislike for espionage to be referencing Germany's lack of proper intelligence leading up to Barbarossa, but that is a very interesting observation. In hindsight I guess it could also be a reference to the fact that a large part of the Abwehr were either working for the allies or trying to plot against Hitler and the Nazis from within. As I said, not my interpretation, but you are free to read it any way you wish.
Fugshipyae, thank you very much for the praise on Azusa. I always enjoyed her character, dead slate or not, and so getting to flesh it out further in this series is a real pleasure.
As always, if you have thoughts, feedback, questions or just something you want to say about the story, feel free to leave a review. I always enjoy getting to hear what you guys think about this little tale of mine.
Happy new years, and until next week, auf wiedersehen!
/ Rihno