Dein Weg ist Mein Weg

Chapter XXIV

The Wake Up-Call

As I walked through the door and up on deck, the wind began rushing across my face. Standing by the railing, I closed my eyes and drew a deep breath, taking in the smell of the sea. It had been ages since I'd been out on the ocean, and now the ferry's destination began to creep into view, as we sped across the waves towards it. Of course, the giant school carriers could easily be spotted from miles away, but anyone who had lived on one for any real length of time agreed that a carrier didn't really count as being visible until you could hear the seagulls squawking above the massive floating cities. That was roughly when you could start to make out the details. The skyline of buildings, the paint on the side of the ship, and the lights on the tower. The cries of Seagulls was the universal signal that there was actually something to behold when nearing a school carrier. And today was no different.

It had been an hour or two since I boarded the ferry, and more since I had breakfast and left home. In short, I was starting to get hungry, which in itself wasn't a problem. Once I found my friend, she'd probably know of some great place to eat.

I hadn't seen her for ages. At least not face-to-face. At first I didn't even believe the rumours when they began circulating, but then someone uploaded a recording of the match, and there she was, clear as day, standing in the Commander's cupola of a Panzer IV with a beige trenchcoat and a steely gaze. She was back, and nothing could stop her. If her having returned to Sensha-Do was a surprise, then the simple fact that she somehow fought St. Gloriana to what with a moment's difference would have been a draw, was completely unthinkable. And yet, she did it, making it appear like child's play.

Once the shock of seeing her back in action had subsided, I tried my best to find out what events had led her back to the sport. Which was far from simple, with the Sensha-Do community and the internet in general being thrown into anarchy by the return. The rumours about her disappearance had steadily grown out of proportion ever since the finals of the 62nd Nationals, to the point that some people thought she had been banished or committed seppuku to handle the shame. Of course I knew better, but that was my secret to keep.

By sheer coincidence I happened to be in Tokyo during the day of the drafting ceremony for the tournament schedule, and as I walked down one of the busy streets, spotted her in a café, talking with a girl a few years younger with short brown hair. If I didn't have a train back home to catch, I would have wanted nothing more than to pop in and say hi. But such is life.

The next time I saw her, I at least got to be there in person. She had reappeared as the commander of a small school that no one had ever heard of, fielding only five tanks, and through sheer bad luck, they would face Saunders in the first round of the tournament. Five tanks, against one of the Big Four. The only reason there was even an audience was because people wanted to see how the end of her revival tour would arrive. And yet, to the surprise of everyone but myself, she managed to swing the fortunes of war in her favor, and to isolate Saunders' flag tank for a final killshot.

But fate and fortune are fickle things, it turns out. Sometimes all it takes for a match to be thrown out of balance is a tread snapping from overexertion at the wrong moment. This new team of hers lost through nothing but bad luck, and I could feel her pain even in the stands, so apparent was the sadness on her face. I wished I could have gone to talk with her after the battle, to help her know it was OK, and that I still valued her and our friendship so deeply. But once again, reality stepped in the way. Only staff, participants, and students from the participating schools were allowed back to the staging grounds.

But when the announcement came that the Federation would overturn the match results almost a week after the fact, citing an improperly registered shot as enough to hand this small school victory, I jumped with joy, just as she must have done at that moment. By now I was tired of simply waiting for fate to bring us back together, and I decided to give fate a helping hand.

Once the ferry docked with the school carrier, I disembarked and made my way to the top deck. Surely I should be able to find her somehow. After having walked around for a while, I began to doubt my original theory.

"Are you lost?" a friendly-looking girl in a green and white uniform with brown hair in a ponytail asked, and after some quick conversation gave me some excellent directions to where I could find my friend. Following said directions, I once again returned to the lower decks, making use of a series of passageways that seemed to very much not be in use anymore, but the directions the girl had given were detailed enough, and her demeanor friendly and caring enough that I decided to trust her word and carry on. At the end of one hallway I came to a heavy-looking metal door, which swung open on old and not very well-oiled hinges.

Inside was a strange room to find in the bowels of a school carrier, looking like it would be more at home in an alleyway basement in Tokyo or Kumamoto. A room with warm yet dim lights lining the walls, and a bar pushed into one of the corners, currently unoccupied. Another corner held a glass floor with multicolored lights underneath, and a screen with accompanying sound system set up beside it. The third corner contained a strange structure that seemed more fitting for a children's clubhouse, but the fourth corner was what was of interest to me. Lined with sofas and booths like a tavern or family restaurant, I found what I was looking for. I took a few cautious steps closer, and gently nudged my friend awake where she was lying, subtle wheezing snores emanating from her as she slept on one of the couches under an old blanket.

As Maho's eyes began to regain focus, she was at first convinced she had simply moved from one dream to another.

"Koume?" she asked cautiously, afraid her mind or the residual effects of the Hiroshimas she had drunk were playing some trick on her. She blinked a few times, and slowly pushed herself upright. "Is that you?"

"Hello, Commander. It's been a while"

Maho looked down and pinched the bridge of her nose for a moment, as the world righted itself and her headache slowly subsided, before rubbing her eyes with her forearm. For a moment she could do nothing else but sit there in stunned amazement, looking for the first time in almost a year at her friend.

"Koume?" she asked again, not quite believing her eyes despite the brown-haired girl standing right before her.

"Yes, Commander?" Koume answered with a smile.

"How… why… what? What are you doing here? And how?"

"I came to see you, Commander. I came with the ferry about half-an-hour ago." She raised an eyebrow and tilted her head slightly, something Maho knew all too well was a sign of concern. "Is something the matter? I thought you would be happy to see me?"

"What? No, it's fine. And of course I'm happy to see you..." Maho pushed herself to her feet, taking a step to assert her balance, before allowing Koume in for a hug. "It's just… A lot's been going on lately… and I wasn't exactly expecting you…"

"I can imagine," Koume answered with a chuckle as the embrace ended.

"How did you even know I was here?"

"Oh come on, Commander? The Maho Nishizumi suddenly reappears in the commander's cupola of a tank again, after having been missing without a trace for almost a year, and you thought the world would let it pass by unnoticed?"

"Right… I guess that wouldn't make me very difficult to track down, now would it?" Maho answered with humorous realization. "Still, I'm really glad to see you. It's been way too long since I saw a familiar face."

"Really? You haven't talked to her?"

"Talked to who?" Koume didn't so much answer as give Maho a knowing look. "Koume?!" Maho asked, with both dawning horror and realization. How do you even know about that?!"

"I was one of your closest friend for years, and your second-in-command for months. Do you think I'm blind? Of course I noticed you two."

"And here I thought we managed to go unnoticed…" She sighed, and gave Koume a serious look. "You haven't told anyone else about this, have you?"

"Of course not. Do you honestly think I would blab about something like that?"

"Well, that's good at least." Maho breathed a quick sigh of relief. Her mother despised her enough as it was, and Maho was pretty sure she wasn't about to get all warm and fuzzy inside if she found out her daughter wasn't exactly planning on furthering the family tree in the future. A growl from her stomach interrupted her train of thought, and caused Koume to look down at the guilty culprit, before looking back up at her friend with a sly grin. This situation, despite its circumstances, was far from a novelty to her.

"Come on," she said and tugged lightly on Maho's hand, taking a few small steps towards the door leading to the surface. "I'll treat you to lunch, and you can tell me all about it? For old time's sake?"

If Koume had blinked, she would have missed it, but for a solitary moment, a smile so wide her teeth were showing appeared on Maho's lips. "Of course. I really missed you, you know?"

"Missed you too, Commander."

"You know, I'm in no way your commander anymore."

"I know. But you're a commander, aren't you? Besides, I like how it sounds, and I've been doing it so long now it would almost be weirder to stop, wouldn't you agree?"

"Yeah, I guess…" Maho looked down at the ground for a moment too long, and Koume once again raised an eyebrow as they walked through the corridors and up the stairs leading back to the top deck of the Zuikaku.

"Oh, it's let up!" she said with a smile as they exited the inner pathways of the ship and the sky once again became visible.

"What do you mean? What let up?" Maho said with disinterest, holding a hand in front of her eyes as she recoiled slightly from the light, trying her best to let her eyes adjust.

"The rain?" Koume replied with confusion. "It's been absolutely pouring down for days in this part of the sea, hadn't you noticed?"

"It wasn't raining last I checked," Maho answered without meeting Koume's eyes, starting to walk down the street towards the center of town, avoiding the massive puddles of water still left on the pavement.

"It's been raining non-stop since Tuesday though… How could you not have noticed? Commander, how long were you below deck?" Koume asked in perplexion as she sprinted a few steps to catch up.

"What day is it?"

The question stopped Koume in her tracks. "It's… It's Saturday, Commander…"

"Huh…" Maho just shrugged at this revelation. "I guess I lost track of time. I slept most of the time anyways, so it's not like it mattered…"

"Thanks for the food," they both said in unison, and began to eat. They hadn't exactly picked a fancy restaurant, but the food was good enough, and the place was near empty and thus suitable for conversation. The food was certainly better than what Maho had been feeding herself on these past few months.

"So…" Maho said cautiously, "how are things going at Kuromorimine?"

"I guess things are fine…" Koume said and stared out the window, not meeting Maho's eyes.

"I guess Miho didn't keep you on as her second…"

"No…" Koume said in a low voice. "No, she did not…"

"Yeah…" Maho said, and stared out the window as well. "I guess things changed, huh?"

"That they did… It's definitely not the same as it was with you there…" Koume glanced back at Maho, seemingly realizing what she had said. "I-I… I mean… Not that it's your fault or anything, Commander. Kuromorimine was always a harsh place… It's just… you definitely made it easier to stay…"

"I guess…" At this point, Maho was mostly picking at her food, even though she had eaten almost none of it. The mood didn't seem right. "Sorry about that…"

"It's not your fault, Commander! It's just… it's just the way things turned out, that's all."

"I guess. Are you… are you still on the team? Despite, you know… what happened, I mean?"

"No… I… I uh… I quit the team, I guess… Wasn't really given a choice…"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, with your sister in command, and Erika as her second, a lot of girls left. Supposedly it was all voluntary, but we all knew what was happening. Those who believed in the Nishizumi style the way your sister and Erika did took to… convincing… the girls who didn't, and one after the other they started leaving. Some even transferred away… In the end it was just those loyal to Miho, and then there was me and your old crew, and we weren't going anywhere, even if they tried to make life a living hell for us. But everytime they tried to root us out, we just planted ourselves firmer. We were gonna stay, and we were going to continue your legacy-"

"Koume… No…"

"It was the right thing to do, Commander. It could have been our 50th straight win on the line, and it would have still been the right thing to do. And anyone who says otherwise is lying, either outright or to themselves." There was a conviction to Koume's voice, one that had been absent thus far in their conversation. "Besides…" The conviction disappeared as quickly as it had appeared. "We didn't do it just for your sake. We all love Sensha-Do, and we all wanted to keep doing it. We just didn't want to do it their way. Turns out, Kuromorimine didn't want us doing Sensha-Do their way either. They didn't want us doing it at all."

"Wait… Don't tell me they-"

"Expelled me? Of course they did."

"What for?"

"I don't know… At least not officially." Koume shrugged and sighed. "Officially it was something about repeatedly disrespecting instructors or failing too many tests or something. Not a lick of it was true, so it doesn't really matter. But we all knew it was just because we wouldn't dance to your sister's fiddle. As long as we openly questioned her orders and acted as a reminder of your command, we were a threat." She gestured in the air, closing her hand tightly shut around an imaginary prey. "And as with everything else, it turns out Nishizumis deal with threats swiftly and efficiently. I think the letter came some time just before Christmas. Might have been the headmasters handwriting, but it was your family's words."

"Wait, then…"

"Yup. I'm not a student at Kuromorimine anymore." She shrugged once more. "Can't exactly say I miss it. Being on the Sensha-Do team really did become another circle of hell after you left… But with the stain they spilled on my record before sending me off, there's not a school-carrier in Japan that's gonna accept me."

"Then why didn't you fight it? They can't just expel students for nothi-"

"Really? The word of five students who everyone thinks were responsible for losing the finals, versus the word of the Commander and Vice-Commander of the Sensha-Do team, the Headmaster, and the head of the Alumni Association? We'd be lucky to even get a word in if it went to a hearing."

"So what do you do now? If you're not in school, I mean?"

"Eh, I live with my parents. Work in a convenience store to help bring in some money. It's not glorious, but it's something at least."

"Koume," Maho said, exasperated and not sure what to say. "I'm... I'm so sorry."

"It's fine, Commander. It wasn't your fault."

"No, it is. If I hadn't screwed up that day then-"

"Then they couldn't have expelled me, because I, along with Emi, Hatsune, Ikue, and Bachiko, would be dead. You saved our lives that day, Commander. I think the debt is very much still on my end."

"But I-"

"Commander. I literally owe you my life. I could face problems because of you until the day I die, and we probably wouldn't be even until I'm in a retirement home."

Maho wanted to protest further, but conviction had returned to Koume's voice with a vengeance.

"If you say so…" she conceded. "What about the rest?" The ones that don't owe me a life debt… she thought.

"Same for them. Ren Maaru, Natsumi Funai, we all got a letter of expulsion one after the other."

"Then what…" Maho couldn't wait any longer. She had tried to hold on to the question that was eating her up inside, but with this information now out in the open, she had to ask. "What about Emi?"

Koume sighed and shrunk back into her seat. "Yeah, I figured you would ask about her sooner or later…"

"Koume… please…"

"She's still in a coma. They moved her from Black Forest to a hospital in Kumamoto after a while, since they've got limited room and all that, but she's still in a coma. Nothing's really changed. I visit her when I can, two or three times a week usually, sometimes her mom's there and she's always friendly, but nothing's changed."

"Figures…" Maho said in a low voice, and almost felt like the sadness would cause her to melt away.

"Still, the doctor's say she doesn't seem to be getting any weaker either, so that's something." She reached out and put a hand on Maho's, trying her best to smile. "She's going to be fine, Commander. I'll walk into that room one day, and she'll glare at me and tell me she's been awake for hours without anyone coming to see her. Just you wait, it's gonna happen."

They left the restaurant shortly thereafter, walking in relative silence through the streets of the Zuikaku. Koume tried her best to keep up the conversation, and Maho obliged in answering, but the mood had clearly been dampened after Koume's revelation.

"I guess it's not much fun thinking about Kuromorimine and all that happened, is it?"

"I suppose not… Still, if that's what you want to talk about, then-"

"Oh, no, I don't mind changing the subject," Koume answered and smiled at Maho. "We've mostly been talking about me, I suppose, so how have things been for you? How do you like your new school?" She looked around at the buildings as they walked, very clearly trying to carry the conversation by herself. "It's a lot smaller than the Graf, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Maho muttered. "It's only seven kilometers I think…"

"Huh," Koume nodded and looked up at the sky. "Seems too small to work as a school carrier, doesn't it? Still ginormous, I guess, but, you know… Nothing compared to Ark Royal or George Washington."

"I guess not…"

"I gotta say," Koume said, changing subjects once again, looking at Maho with a look of pleasant surprise combined with fascination, "I was surprised to see you take up Sensha-Do again. I thought I'd never see you back in the commander's cupola again. Didn't you say you were done?"

"I was…" Maho said in low tones. "But, well… things happened. Let's just say the Student Council convinced me…" Koume didn't need to ask. It was obvious enough from Maho's tone and expression that she had not enjoyed being convinced.

"Oh well, still. I was impressed by your performance, especially with such a small team. I didn't get to see your exhibition game with St. Gloriana, but I did see the recordings afterwards. Nice maneuver at the end. And you did as best you could against Saunders." She smirked, and looked up in feigned thoughtfulness. "Well, maybe not the best you could do. Seems to me there was a noticeable lack of a Panzer III beside you."

"Heh, yeah… maybe…" Maho still wasn't very cheerful, even if it was obvious she was at least trying to appear as such.

"Well, whatever happened, I think it's probably for the best that you got back in the turret."

"Oh yeah, you think so?" Maho asked with a sense of incredulity. "Even after all that Sensha-Do has taken me through?"

"I do. It can't be healthy to live without part of yourself. It's in your blood after all."

"What do you mean by that?" Maho asked with a hint of annoyance, clearly disagreeing. "If Sensha-Do is a part of me, then it's nothing but an appendix or cancer. It's done nothing but ruin my life ever since mother first dropped me in the Panzer II back home."

"You think so? I can think of at least one good thing that happened to you because of Sensha-Do."

"Oh yeah?! And what would that be?! What possible good could ever have come from me doing Sensha-Do?!"

"You got to meet me," Koume said shortly, and stopped. "And by extension I suppose Emi, though that was really more through your sister…"

Maho stopped as well and looked down at the ground, shrinking slightly as her shoulder slumped down. "Right… sorry, Koume… I didn't… I mean…"

"It's fine, Commander. I understand. I was just kidding around." She showed a teasing grin, before putting a caring hand on Maho's shoulder. "But I meant what I said about Sensha-Do being in your blood."

"How? Are you claiming I've got oil and gasoline running through my veins?" Maho scoffed at this notion and crossed her arms as she leaned back against a nearby lamppost, raising an eyebrow.

"No, but consider this; Your family's been around since the Edo period, hasn't it? First you were Samurai, then Generals, and now you're Sensha-Do aces."

"Your point being?"

"That Nishizumis have always wielded weapons as an extension of themselves. First it was swords, then pistols and rifles. And I think you're the same with tanks."

"I'm not though..."

"I think you are. You never seemed more at peace than when you were in a tank. Sure, your mom and sister's style is awful, but you still thrived whenever you were in that commander's seat. 212 was just as big a part of you as your heart or your arms. Face it, Commander. Tanks are a part of you, and you trying to distance yourself from them isn't doing you any favors." She put her hands behind her back, walked a few paces away, and turned back to look at Maho over her shoulder "So yes, I do think it's a good thing."

"I never wanted to… I even swore I wouldn't…"

"Well, if you don't feel comfortable with it, why'd you get back into Sensha-Do? It's not like Ooarai has some famous team. They only just restarted their program, and no one could blame you for not joining up with a team so far below your level."

Something about that description irked Maho, but she couldn't tell why. Besides, she had other things to think about at the moment She weighed her options in her head for a few moments, before sighing and giving Koume a serious look.

"Can you keep a secret, Koume?"

"I'm almost insulted you feel the need to ask," she said with a warm smile. "What's up?"

Maho gave a quick look around them, before gesturing for them to continue walking.

"Apparently, MEXT is trying to cut costs," she said in a low voice as they reached the small park at the stern of the carrier. It was currently devoid of people, which suited Maho perfectly. "And that means they're going to close down Ooarai and scrap the Zuikaku…"

"So? School carriers being scrapped happens from time to time. Besides, it'd still take years for them to just close the school down properly and get all the students readmitted. And by the time they even get to it, they'll have probably changed their minds. What does MEXT potentially closing this place sometime in the next decade have to do with you joining a newly started Sensha-Do program?" It was clear that Koume wasn't following. Of course she wasn't. It'd take the combined imagination of a small town to come up with the farcical situation Maho had found herself in.

"It's not a potential plan, and it's not in a decade," Maho reiterated. "They're closing the school down as soon as the semester is over." Realization began to appear on Koume's face as Maho continued. "Except the pipsqueak of a student council president convinced them not to do it if Ooarai could win the National Tournament. Hence why they restarted the Sensha-Do program, and tried recruiting me to it from day one."

There was nothing but exasperation and disbelief on Koume's face, as she stared at Maho like she had grown a third eye. "You're kidding…"

"Since when have I had a sense of humour?" Maho asked dryly. "But no, I'm not kidding. I saw the documents myself. Unless Ooarai wins the National Championship, it's being closed down after the end of the semester…"

"And I thought there was pressure to win at Kuromorimine…"

Maho just gave Koume a look at this. A look of displeasure and annoyance Koume was far too familiar in how to draw out of her friend.

"I was kidding!" She giggled slightly to push the point home, before conceding to the seriousness of the situation. "Well, as strange as it seems, then I suppose you were lucky that the Federation overturned the match?"

"Yeah, right… " Maho stared out towards the sea with a faraway look in her eye. "Lucky…"

She still hadn't given any answer to the pipsqueak, the cyclops, and the walking intelligence agency about how they were going to handle the next round of the tournament. Not that it was of any concern to Maho what the trio from hell did or thought any longer; she had made her resignation from the position of Commander quite clear. She had no intention of going back to that garage ever again, and neither love nor money, nor whatever scheme they could come up with, could ever force her back into a tank.

"So, that means you need to beat Anzio or Maginot in about a month, then get through the semis, and beat whoever reaches the finals from the other bracket."

"Kuromorimine," Maho noted.

"You don't know that for sure. It's possible Jatkosota or BC/Freedom manages an upset and-"

"No. It's going to be Kuromorimine, and we both know it. Miho's not an amateur, and she will be in the finals."

"I suppose so…" Koume conceded. "Still, just because you will be facing Kuromorimine in the finals doesn't mean-"

"Stop saying 'will'. There's nothing certain about anything. Ooarai has five tanks. Five crappy tanks. It'd take a miracle to beat even Waffle, and unless Ooarai defeats everyone, it won't matter. It took an ocean of luck to sneak a win against Saunders. Luck, and an enemy commander who's hellbent on sporting wins to the point of lunacy. A win like that won't happen again in a generation, and it would need to happen three more times in as many months. It can't be done, and apparently I'm the only one who realizes..."

"Well, if anyone can do it, it's you. If I know one thing to be true, it's that nothing stops a Nishizumi."

"I'm not a Nishizumi though…"

"You are, Commander. You're Maho Nishizumi, and-"

"Except I don't want to be. I've only ever wanted two things in my life; for Miho to be safe and happy, which will never happen, and that I would never have been born a Nishizumi."

"But you are, though… You're the best commander in Japan, and you almost defeated two of the Big Four with nothing but beginners manning five sub-optimal tanks. Who else could pull that off? Anzio and Maginot aren't exactly the best teams in the country, so it's not unthinkable that you can-"

"Would you cut it out?!" Maho snapped. "Stop trying to give me hope! I don't want hope! I just want to live my life in obscurity, but apparently that's too much to ask. Whenever I get my hopes up, I just set myself up for another fall, and I'm tired of getting hurt."

Koume was taken aback, her mouth agape for a moment, before replying. "But, Commander… How do you plan to win without hope? How are you gonna go back to your team and lead them if you don't think it can be done?"

"WELL, MAYBE I DON'T WANT TO LEAD THEM!"

For a moment that seemed to last an eternity, there was silence. A deafening silence, drowning out all else. Koume opened her mouth to speak, but no words would come. She gathered herself, and tried once more.

"What... what do you mean by that, Commander?"

Maho didn't answer at first. She didn't even meet Koume's eyes.

"Commander? What does that mean?"

"I don't know, OK?! I just... I just..." She sighed, and her shoulders slumped. "I just don't think I can stay here anymore. If I do, I'll just make things worse."

"So you're…"

"Yeah… I think I am…" Maho sighed and shrugged, before her shoulders slumped back down. "Tomorrow I'm getting my things, and I'm taking the next ferry out of here. Maybe I can find some hut in Hokkaido or something to hide out in... At least until I become an adult and mother can't enact her will upon me anymore… "

"I… I see…" Koume took a few steps closer, her eyes dawning with realization. "Are… Are you sure about this, Commander?

"I am."

"And you're sure you've thought this through?"

"I have. I can't stay here anymore. I'll just end up making things worse for myself or for someone else."

There were three jolts of pain that hit Maho. The first was in the face when Koume punched her, the second was in the small of her back when she fell to the ground, and the third was at the back of her head when it collided with the solid brick-laiden path.

"What the hell was that fo-"

"WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?!" Koume was growing red as a beet as she yelled at Maho down on the ground, massaging her thankfully-not-broken nose. "That's what you're going to do? Just run away again? How could you possibly do that? These people trust you! They need you! They need you, or else this entire ship and everyone on it stops having a home! Just because you were taught to always value victory over everything else doesn't mean it's okay for you to get scared and run away just because you might lose!"

"There's no might about it! They're going to lose, and someone's going to end up in hospital like Emi, and I don't-"

"You don't know that! No one knows that! And stop saying 'they'! That's your team now, Maho! You can't just abandon them because you're scared or feel like crap or whatever! And for god's sake, stop using me and Emi as an excuse!"

"I'm not making excuses, I just-"

"Oh yeah?! You just did, and knowing you, I bet that's the only thing you've been doing for the past year! You've been blaming yourself for what happened that day, feeling like garbage, thinking you're a horrible monster of a person who's to blame for me getting this scar and Emi being a coma, and then using that as justification for not getting back to Sensha-Do! It was obvious even before you left that that was what was going through your head, but I didn't say anything. I honestly thought you were clever enough to figure it out on your own, but apparently I need to spell things out for you, you idiot! The sheer fact that you're feeling like shit is proof that you're not some horrible monster! Erika and her goons jumped me in the locker rooms more times than I can count, and let me tell you; it was obvious that she got nothing but satisfaction from it! Same with your sister; the only thing she felt when she doled out punishment to us when we called her on her bullshit orders was better. She just felt better than everyone else, and it showed in her eyes. Horrible people don't feel like shit, you idiot!"

Maho attempted to get back to her feet, but when her head raised within striking range, Koume slapped her hard across the face. The act itself was so quick Maho didn't realize it had happened before the back of Koume's hand came racing back towards her other cheek, and she fell back down to a sitting position.

"And as for feeling horrible and lost; Are you honestly so arrogant and narcissistic that you think you're the only person in the world to have lost something?! That you of all people is the only one entitled to pain?! I had to watch my friend lie still in a coma for months, my other friend feel like absolute garbage without being able to help her, and I've lost the thing that's most important to me in my entire life! I will never ever get to do Sensha-Do again the way I wanted to! I will never be allowed back on a team thanks to the lies your sister made true about me, and there hasn't been a morning since then where I haven't considered that maybe there's no point in it anymore! Meanwhile, you get handed a new team out of the blue on a silver platter, that you can shape however you want, with the school and student council practically begging you to command it, and you honestly expect me to show sympathy for you because you don't want it?! You spoiled, privileged brat! Do you realize that I would practically kill for a chance like that?! And you don't even have the common decency to put some faith and hope into your team!"

"So then why the hell don't you transfer in here and take over, huh? If you want it so bad I'd happily give it away!" Maho countered.

Koume seemed to ignore Maho's offer, but ceased her verbal barrage for a few moments, regaining her breath, and almost chuckling under the hand she used to pinch the bridge of her nose, before looking back down at Maho.

"But maybe you're right! In fact, there's no 'maybe' about it. That team can't fight its way out of a paper bag with you leading it. Do you understand how happy I was to see my friend back in the commander's seat?! I spent an entire month's allowance to go see you battle live, and I've never been more disappointed in my life! I don't know what pathetic weakling I saw fighting on that field that day, but it sure as hell wasn't Maho Nishizumi! As far as I can tell, Maho Nishizumi died at the bottom of that river, because Saunders faced nothing but a hollowed-out husk of a commander! And really?! You got encircled twice without even noticing?! How the hell could you fail so utterly?! You have bloody witchcraft on your side!"

"It's not witchcraft, it's-"

"Yeah-yeah, 'It's just really sensitive hearing that years of training gives you.' I don't care what you say it is, to the rest of us mortals, it's sorcery of the highest order. So again, I ask how the hell you got encircled twice without realizing?! Actually, don't even bother answering that. I'll ask Maho herself when I find her, and not the pitiful idiot sitting here."

"I thought you said you were impressed by what I did..." Maho muttered, staring off into the distance and taking great care to not meet Koume's scowl.

"Yeah, well, I lied." Koume shrugged, as if it was the most obvious answer in the world. "Just like you lied to me."

"I never lied to..."

"'I'll take care of myself. It's a promise,'" Koume said with a mocking impression of Maho's own voice. "That's what you told me when you left, and I find you half-dead in a shady bar having not seen the sky for almost a week, with bottles and glasses all around you. What they contained, I don't even want to know. That isn't taking care of oneself, and so in other words; You lied."

"I didn't lie. I just… I just… It was all too much. I just wanted to disappear for awhile. Figure everything out, and clear my head, and find out who I wanted to be…"

"Stupid question; You're Maho Nishizumi, and nothing's gonna change that. At least you used to be. You really think you'll be able to wake up one day and just be a normal girl like everyone else? You're not. You're a Nishizumi, whether you like it or not, and you will never be 'just a normal girl', so stop acting like it! But if you so desperately want to be 'just like everyone else', then let me give you a lesson in how us mortals live our lives; We face defeat and hardship and struggle every single miserable day of our lives, and we learn pretty damn fast that running is the easiest thing you could ever do. Running is easy, fighting is harder. And unless you turn around and fight, then you'll be running every day for the rest of your life."

After this soul-crushing barrage of insults and insights, Koume paused for a moment. Her expression softened, and her voice calmed, like a cloudy sky clearing after a storm.

"And well, if that's really what you want, then that's your choice. If you don't get back in a tank and command again because you honestly don't want to, I fully respect that. I'll support that choice all the way, and you'll still be my friend. We'll go find some café, get some cakes, and laugh together like this never happened."

Koume's expression hardened once more, suddenly and without warning, and vitriol reentered her words.

"But if you don't do it just because you think it's going to be too hard, or that you're going to lose, then I wish with all my heart that I had never known you, and I'll be damned if I ever allow you to get close to Emi again when she wakes up." She looked down affectionately at Maho, and reached a hand down to help her friend up. "So… what's it gonna be?"

Silence once again fell over the scene. There was the low rumble of the carrier's engines and the distant lapping of waves against its hull far below them, and the scattered cries of seagulls above. But no words broke the silence. Maho glanced at Koume, and at the outstretched hand before her, before returning her gaze downwards, wishing that she could simply sink through the ground itself and disappear, if only to escape this conversation and the absolute choice Koume had placed before her.

"I don't have all day, Commander. It's not too long 'til the last ferry for the day arrives, and I might need to be on it. It's up to you though."

"I… I don't know…" Maho mumbled, and bowed her head.

"What?" Koume said, making it clear she didn't hear.

"I said I don't know, OK?!" Maho yelled back. "I don't know, and stop forcing me to make a decision! I don't know!"

"When was the last time you saw her?"

"What does that have to do with any-"

"When was the last time you saw her?" Koume repeated, more forcefully this time, making it clear that she was putting a roadblock to the entire conversation until she had been given an answer.

"I don't know," Maho answered, exasperated, "maybe a few weeks before the finals?!"

"Coincidentally, that also turns out to have been the last time you had your head on straight!" She pulled her hand back, sighed, and pinched the bridge of her nose. "I really hope you're satisfied, Commander…" Koume was staring daggers at her with the same cold gaze Shiho and Miho held, and the warmth and respect with which she usually worded the title was gone without a trace. As if it had never been there to begin with. She gave Maho one final, almost longing look, before turning and walking back towards the town and the pathways leading to the ferry.

"Fine!" Maho yelled after her. "Just go then! Leave! I don't need you! I don't need you, or Miho, or Emi, or anyone else for that matter!"

Koume paused for a moment, standing still and seemingly thinking about something for a second. "You were my best friend in the world, Maho, and I hope you know what you're doing. 'cause let me tell you: being alone is the loneliest feeling in the world." She didn't even look at Maho as she spoke, and once she was done, she just continued, walking away from the park, and away from Maho, showing no signs of stopping or turning back around.

As Koume left, Maho got herself back to her feet, and walked the other way, leaning her elbows against the railing at the very aft of the ship. She was filled with anger, sadness, regret, determination, pain, and a raging forest fire's worth of other emotions. Every emotion humanly possible was bubbling up within her, fighting a great war back and forth on a million fronts over her heart and mind. This inferno of emotions raging within left her unable to do anything more than stare out at the sea flowing away behind the carrier as it steamed on ahead through the endless ocean, the sun creeping closer towards the horizon.

Every word Koume had yelled at her was bouncing around in her mind, as was legions of other thoughts and scattered remnants of conversations, and it felt like her head would explode from the pressure. She didn't know what would win out in the end, but through it all, a singular nagging thought made itself more and more known, now freed from where Maho had buried it under lock and key and breaking through the ceaseless struggle within, rampaging through the battle lines of her inner conflict, rallying the errant factions to its side with the aid of Koume's words.

Tanks were a part of her, and she was running from it all. At least they were a part of Maho Nishizumi, but she wasn't sure she was that person anymore. Maybe Koume was right, and she did drown in that river. She definitely hadn't felt like herself since then.

She was running away from every one of her problems instead of facing them, she shied away from tanks and Sensha-Do, and she buried herself under pain and sadness, using them as excuses to do nothing.

Maho Nishizumi wouldn't run away from anything. She wouldn't even do a fighting retreat. She would face anything head on, and push whatever came at her back to wherever it came from. She wouldn't leave tanks or Sensha-Do behind, and she definitely wouldn't hide behind excuses.

And yet, here she was, running away once more like some nameless thing. She was running, and she didn't know what else she could do, or who she was.

A hollowed-out husk of a commander, and of a person. That was what she felt like, and she wanted it to stop. She looked longingly at the ocean in the distance, and swung one leg after the other over the railing, sitting herself down on the flattened iron bar and just remaining there, like a misplaced figurehead, staring out towards the horizon.

She sighed, and looked back up at the horizon. What was even the point anymore? Her own arrogance and stupidity had lost her Miho, then Emi, then her father, and then Azusa. Everyone she had ever cared for she had thrown away from her life through her own actions and her own actions alone. Now, as her crowning achievement, she had managed to drive Koume away. There was no one left for her to rely upon. No one she could consider friend or family, and no one for whom she felt it worth to continue her existence.

She tried to tell herself what she always did. That it was for the best. That she was better off alone, that she preferred being by herself, that she would rather burn to ashes than see others torn apart before her. But she was lying. Of course she was lying.

Everyone lied to her. For as long as she could remember, that was the one thing that remained a constant in her life. Her mother had lied to her when she pushed the Nishizumi style as the only truth in the world. The world had lied to her when it congratulated and praised her for following through in her role as the heiress of the Nishizumi family. Her father had lied to her when he said he wouldn't die. The pipsqueak had lied to her to get her to join the team.

At this point she wasn't even sure if she could tell the difference anymore. Koume's words seemed to ring true, as did those of Hana, Saori, Yukari, and others. But she couldn't tell for certain. She tried telling herself that they spoke the truth when they claimed to appreciate her, but she was all too aware of how often she lied to herself that she only made it worse.

She conceded to the rage of emotions and bowed her head, her shoulders drooping. She was running, she was using what happened as an excuse, and she was lost and alone. But what hurt her the most, was the thought she had tried to repress, and that Koume had unleashed with her words. The vast majority of Maho's problems were not the fault of her mother, or an unfair world, or even some cruel divine arbiter of fate. There was only a single being in the world that was to blame for the mistakes she had made. Herself.

She sighed again. Whoever she was, and whatever she wanted, she didn't know. She just knew that she wanted the chaos within her to cease, to burn away in an endless inferno, and leave nothing behind. And she knew where she could find that solution

She adjusted her grip on the railing to prepare herself to dismount and return down to Ogin's. But with the steel bar still slick from the rain, her hand slipped, and in the surprise she instinctively tried to counter-balance, only causing her to lose her balance even quicker. Her grip fell away, and time froze for a moment, as she felt herself slip off the railing, and begin to fall.

Next time on Dein Weg ist Mein Weg: … … …

Author's Notes:

I really need to stop ending on these big cliffhangers. They make it so hard to actually talk about what happened in the chapter…

But anyways, let's have a go anyways! Koume showing back up, and providing Maho with both support, some info on what's happening at Kuromorimine, and also a much-needed punch in the face with an accompanying "The reasons you suck"-speech, is something I've been planning for a long time, and so I was really happy to get to finally bring it to fruition. Although I'm still not quite sure how happy I am with Maho's reflection at the end… Feels like I maybe put too much thought into Koume's speech and not enough into Maho's reaction, but oh well.

This is a pretty weird chapter, as some of you may have noticed. To begin with it's almost entirely a single conversation carried throughout the chapter, which I haven't done before, but there's also the opening bit in 1st person, which was the only way I could come up with that allowed me to both keep Koume's identity a mystery in the start and also explain how she got to Ogin's bar. So yeah, bit weird all around, but still, I hope you all enjoyed it.

As always I appreciate hearing your thoughts, so feel free to leave a review!

But anyways, until next week; Ciao!

/Rihno