Chapter 78: Part of the Crew

…

It had been six days since the Island Symphony docked at Anlah Takeen. While Link was not too eager to return to daily life as the captain of a cargo schooner, he had to admit feeling anxious to return to the sky kingdom. No one else on his crew seemed to share the sentiment as Leynne arranged shore parties on a regular schedule. Not that Link could blame them; after Obeeta, Anlah Takeen was paradise without any day-to-day toil to worry about except for the basic functions of maintaining the ship.

Link was finding himself homesick, so he decided to climb to the poop deck one morning to get a clear look at the sky through the opening in Anlah Takeen's port. He was a little surprised to find Janni there, resting her elbows on the transom just like he was thinking of doing. He had expected her to be in the town below, but then he realized that she had only set foot on Anlah Takeen a couple times; the rest of the time, he had mostly seen her wandering the ship. Then there was that look she had given him a few days ago, that furious glare that made him wonder if he had done something to offend her. He recalled Irleen having similar moments two years ago; she had spent some of her time in silence because of their previous failures to locate the Sorians. Not that she had seemed angry at the time, just depressed by their lack of results. The solution he had been handed was to just give her some reassurance.

But what should he reassure Janni about? She had already made her lack of excitement clear since she did not know anyone from Forelight Island. Maybe he could at least talk to her. It almost seemed like they had not had any sort of conversation since her father had released her. Not that he actually expected such a conversation to be easy, not with the lingering fact of being her father's killer hanging over his head.

He took in a breath and started around the large hole in the deck. However, as he rounded the corner, she spoke up, "I was almost convinced you were gonna leave me again."

Link froze just a few steps away. Did she know who she was talking to? "'Again'?" he asked. "What do you mean?"

Janni heaved a sigh. "Don't tell me you forgot what I said to you after you let my dad loose."

Link felt a shiver up his spine at the memory of having to kill himself to escape her. Because she had fallen in love with him. He opened his mouth to respond, but he could not think of anything to say. Now it made sense why she would be so angry with him; it was the same reason she had almost killed him when Irleen made the dream next. He looked down at the deck. "And… and you're mad at me now. Because I killed myself to get away."

"You make it sound so impersonal," Janni told him in a bitter tone, still not deigning to face him.

"I… I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?"

Link let out an irritated breath. "Look, I wasn't trying to piss you off," he told her. "I was trying to stop your dad, and you wouldn't let me wake up so I could catch him!"

Janni scoffed. "Guess I shouldn't've expected you to just forget about everything and stay with me…"

"I had to stop him," Link pointed out. "If I didn't do anything, he—

"You don't think I understand why you did it?" she asked, finally turning to him. Link was taken aback by the tears crawling down her cheeks. "Of course I know what you set out to do. But it hurts, Link. I-I felt like you'd just stabbed me in the heart." Link could not respond, only able to look down at the deck. "You told me that I didn't deserve to remain alone forever. It was… probably the nicest thing I'd heard in decades. But then you just left."

"I never intended to abandon you," Link told her.

"You can't have known my dad would let me out," she pointed out, wiping her face.

Link shook his head. "I would never have forgotten about you. Even if your dad didn't let you out, I would have kept looking for the Sorians. And I would've asked them to help me get you out of the shield."

Janni gave a hollow laugh and looked out to the sky again. "I would've loved to see that."

"You're standing here, aren't you?"

She glanced at him out the corner of her eye. "Because I didn't have anywhere to go."

"Because I would never leave anyone behind," Link corrected her. "You're practically part of my crew; everyone knew you before you came out of the shield."

Janni heaved a sigh and glanced down at the propellers below. "I… don't wanna be part of your crew, Link."

"Huh?"

She gave a smile. "You don't get it. I guess I shouldn't expect you to." She turned around and leaned her bottom against the transom, her arms stretched out as she rested her palms on the barrier. "Link… it doesn't do the heart much good that you consider someone 'part of your crew'."

Link just floundered in silence for a moment. "I… Wha-what do you mean?"

"I know you probably don't see it. But I did. I still do. Some of your 'crew', Link… they think much more of you than that. Dholit confronts you over your chastity, but she never actually seduces you because, well… she's right, you'd never be able to resist. She toys with you, takes your anger in stride, but she refuses to give in to the thought that you'd never want her. Irleen is easily very physical with you, but she's so much like you that she won't be the one to make a move. Zelda… it's obvious that you and her have a connection even though she's only been aboard for a few days. She enjoys messing with you because she enjoys the attention you show her, and she opens her heart freely around you because she's comfortable near you. And Layna…" She paused to give a soft giggle and shook her head. "She tried to kill herself because she couldn't stand the thought of hurting you. Even when my dad drove her to it, she refused to be the one to end your life and tried to spite him for it. And she is such a yammering mess around you it's actually a little adorable.

"But you, Link… you just treat it all like simple loyalty. To you, they're just your 'crew'. Isn't there one shred of you that wants to see them as more than that? Line is about the only one you treat like a friend, the way you both give each other crap and you won't simply tell him 'I'm the captain, do what I say'. You wouldn't treat Flower or Leynne that way. It's as if you're trying to be mature when you're easily the most immature person on-board. It probably makes you a pretty decent captain. But it also means no one can get close to you if you call them part of your 'crew'."

"I jus—… I… never thought of anyone like that," Link confessed.

"Probably not," Janni admitted. "But it's just so unfair, Link. These women around you want to open up to you even more. I want to be more open with you." For emphasis, she placed one hand on her chest. "It's just another ache to hear you call someone part of your crew. Is that all that exists to you?"

"I… always thought that it meant that… that-that we're connected. That we'd do anything for each other."

"I don't deny your closeness, Link. You rely on each other, even if some of you are easier to approach than others. But I think you're missing something that Line picked up a long time ago. It's as if the concept of 'attraction' never existed in your vocabulary. The want to simply be with someone that makes you happy. Unconditional. Unashamed. With your crew, you work for the good of one another. Isn't there anyone in your life who you just wanted to be with?"

Link started scratching the back of his head. "I… I think there was someone. At one point. But… I-I guess I just haven't thought about her since. I mean… yeah. I-I think so."

Janni gave her head a gentle shake. "At least she was a lucky one. Not a part of your 'crew', just forgotten. The lack of conviction doesn't help, but I think it would hurt even more if she was here just to be part of the crew. It seems reasonable that you'd be repulsed by how forceful Dholit can be. But it's as if being part of your crew just condemns a woman's feelings to life behind a lock without a key. I'm not asking you to be a horny little disaster like Line, Link, I just want you to quit being everyone's captain once in a while. Even now, just once, I wanna see what you look like when you're so enamored with a girl that you say something stupid. I think I almost saw it once, when you told me to 'grow up'. That's why I thought you would stay with me if I just maintained that dream. Well, now, I don't know if I have any more tricks in my book."

"I… I…" Link tried to speak, but the direction the conversation had taken left him feeling stupid and unable to reply.

Janni's smile turned sad. "Nope. You're still trying to be the captain. I may not be a princess or a trained killer, but I do have feelings for you, Link. We have feelings for you. You may be satisfied with all of us being part of your crew. But as far as our hearts are concerned, it will never be enough. Maybe I can't make you love me overnight, but I can find the dreams you don't dare tread and make you think about it. I'm the daughter of a Dreamweaver, after all.

"I hope you realize, Link, that you're eventually gonna have to make a choice. Because if you ever have to break my heart again, I don't want it to be because I'm only 'part of the crew'." She tried to smile wider, but the larger the smile, the sadder her eyes became until another tear fell. "It hurts too much."

"But I… I-I don't…" Link stammered, trying to at least find some solid idea to hold onto. He could not argue, could not even think of a way to put his overwhelmed thoughts into words. Janni's statements made him feel like an idiot, but the look on her face made him feel wretched. If what she was saying was true… was he actually hurting his crew? He never thought that he could be the crude, loud, angry captain his dad had been, and that was okay because it helped him and his crew be on much friendlier terms than he had known on the Grand Sails. But now, it felt like he did not need to be like that just to make the crew resent him. Did being a part of his crew really mean that he would never want to grow closer to them? Was his ignorance of how those four women treated him actually as painful as Janni explained?

"Captain?" Link jolted out of his thoughts at the sound of Leynne calling from the deck below. "Ah you up theh?"

Link spun around and took a few steps around the hole in the deck. "Yeah, I'm on the poop deck," he replied.

Leynne's upper half came into view on the starboard staircase in front of Link. "Is everything all right?" he asked.

"Yeah," Link said. "Yeah, we were just talking."

Leynne's eyes passed over the deck before he asked, "Who weh you talking with?"

Link glanced over his shoulder. However, Janni had disappeared. He glanced up at the empty air above the deck. Then he stepped to the transom and peered over. Still no sign of her. Link's first thought was that she was hiding just to mess with him.

Then he began to wonder if she had actually been up here. This thought frightened him more.