Chapter 38.
Fifteen minutes later, and Brains was feeling the burn.
Literally.
His thighs felt like they were on fire.
"H-How far to L-Lake Louise?" he stammered, grasping at a handful of mane when his horse stumbled slightly.
Penelope hummed as she checked the coordinates on her compact mirror, "About another thirty minutes. We could probably knock it down to twenty if we pick up the pace a bit. Anyone up for a canter?"
Alan, Virgil, and Gordon all whooped their affirmatives. Scott bit his lip, torn between indulging in his need for speed, and babysitting the man who had, quite literally, built his Thunderbird.
"You go on ahead," John offered, noticing his brother's hesitation, "I'll take care of Brains."
Scott was already urging his mount into a lively canter, "Cheers, bro!"
Brains peeped in fear as his mare raised her head in excitement. Just as he was contemplating whether or not to dismount, John maneuverered his own horse in front to act as a roadblock. Penelope was about to applaud the middle brother for his chivalry, however was stopped when his mare squealed loudly and lashed out suddenly with both her back legs.
"What on earth?" Kayo spluttered, her breakfast threatening to make a reappearance as her own horse shot backwards in fear.
Penelope bit her lip, "You know what they say about gingers."
"P-Please, d-do enlighten me!" Brains cried, groping for another handful of mane.
Penelope hesitated for precisely half a second, "They're crazy."
"Kind of like John," Kayo added, snickering at her own joke.
"Pack it in, you stupid animal!" John snapped, removing one hand from the reins to smack his mare on the rump, "Play nice, or I swear to Saturn's third ring I'll make you jump every fence, fallen tree, and gate between here and wherever the hell it is we're going."
Up front, Gordon, Alan, Scott, and Virgil were whooping in delight as they raced along, their horses kicking up great clouds of dust as they shifted into fifth gear.
"J-John!" Brains cried, his torso stiffening as his mare began to pick up speed, "H-How do I slow down?"
John gave a growl of frustration as his mare tried to pick a fight with Kayo's appaloosa, "Kind of busy right now, Brains. Just apply Newton's third law."
Brains almost swore. He could barely remember his name under stress, let alone any of the scientific shit he usually lived by.
"Pull on the reins," Penelope instructed, urging her skewbald into a gentle trot as she pulled up alongside the scientist, "Grip them firmly in your hands and pull backwards. If she pulls back, try crossing your hands over."
Brains made to follow Penelope's order, however was forced to abort his efforts when Gordon came hurtling back towards the group like he'd been fired out of a gun.
"There are some tree trunks up ahead that me and the guys are going to try jumping. Don't wait, we'll catch up to you once we're finished. Hey, anyone up for a race?" the aquanaut asked, beaming broadly as his bay danced and pranced in excitement.
"Gordon!" John snapped, his heart dropping into his feet as Brain's horse surged into a canter, "Grab him!"
Gordon's eyes widened to the size of twin plates as Brains shot past him in a blur of grey and brown, his garbled pleas giving way to a full-blown scream.
"Uh, hey, guys!" Gordon kicked his gelding into a gallop and waved frantically in the direction of his racing brothers, "Guys, don't jump! We've got a high rolling test tube bandit on the loose!"
Virgil and Alan made no acknowledgement that they'd heard Gordon and continued to bomb towards a cluster of spruce trunks that looked jumpable. Scott twisted his head around upon hearing his brother's voice, however was powerless to intervene as Brains tanked past him.
"Shit!" Scott hissed, pushing his mare into supersonic mode as he pursued the bolting scientist. If he could somehow manoeuvre in front of Brains without his horse changing course, he'd be able to cut him off before he received an impromptu jumping lesson.
Unfortunately, Virgil got in the way.
Quite literally.
"Gyaah!" Scott shrieked as his mare skidded to a halt behind the rump of Virgil's palomino, "What the hell, Virg?"
"Gordon said to stop," Virgil replied matter-of-factly, his voice trailing off when he spied Brains careening towards them, "Oh! Oh shit."
"Out of the way!" Scott gasped, motioning desperately for Virgil to remove both himself and his horse from the Hiram K. Hackenbacker runway.
It was with a certain amount of warped grace that Brains catapulted over the spruce trunks Alan had just cleared. Despite losing a stirrup and ending halfway up his mare's neck, the scientist was still very much onboard when his mount landed and continued her mad dash.
"A-Alan!" Brains cried as he zeroed in on the youngest, who was merrily cantering along and completely oblivious to the disaster unfolding behind him, "L-Look out!"
Alan twisted to gaze over his shoulder, instantly wishing he hadn't when Brains blasted past in a cloud of dust, his screams echoing off the surrounding trees. The sight of the grey mare bolting for all she was worth was sufficient to rouse the demon that slept within Alan's own horse, and his felt the reins begin to slip from his grasp as the buckskin began to pick up speed.
"There goes another one," Virgil unhelpfully commented, shielding his eyes from the sun as he tracked the two scurrying equines and their helpless riders.
Scott felt his heart skip a beat and kicked his mare into a gallop, "On my tail, Virg. We might be able to slow them down if we herd them into a copse or thicket."
Virgil nodded grimly and urged his palomino forwards, "F.A.B."
Several hundred meters in front of his scheming brothers, Alan hadn't a clue what was happening.
One minute, he'd been racing his brothers and innocently popping over tree trunks. The next, he was hurtling along at a billion miles an hour with absolutely no way of stopping.
Unfortunately, his bitch of a mare had decided to use her size to her advantage, and was bulldozing along like he wasn't even onboard.
"Come on!" Alan hissed, bracing his legs and trying desperately to regain some kind of control, "Slow down!"
Predictably, his efforts were in vain.
-x-
"Well, this is rather distressing," Penelope exclaimed as she, Kayo, Gordon, and John drew level with Scott and Virgil, "So we've now lost two?"
Scott didn't answer, his steely gaze focussed on tracking the grey and buckskin figures that were rapidly fading into the distance.
"So…what are we waiting for?" Gordon asked, torn between being serious and trying to lighten the mood, "If you hadn't noticed, Speedy, they're getting away. And quickly."
"We'd never be able to catch up with them," Virgil sighed, his brow creased as he tried to cobble a plan together from the few advantages they still had, "I'm trying to work out if there's a shortcut we can take to cut them off. EOS is working on it, but she's having to modify the route to include terrain that's safe for the horses."
Penelope frowned and consulted the map on her compact mirror, "There's a forest path approximately two hundred meters on the right. It looks like it comes out near the lake, which they're both heading in the general direction of."
"Good enough for me," Scott clipped, "Lead the way, Lady P."
Penelope nodded and urged her skewbald to the front of the group before settling into a quick canter. Two minutes later, she motioned to a path that was well camouflaged by some aspen trunks.
"Single file," Scott ordered, cringing when he saw how dense the forest was, "The path is too narrow for anything else."
The rest of the group formed an orderly queue behind Scott and Penelope. John snarled in anger and slapped his mare on the rump yet again when she squealed and declared war on Gordon's bay.
"The ground looks safe enough to canter," Penelope reported, "Is everyone okay to speed up?"
"F.A.B," came the collective response.
Penelope pursed her lips and kicked her skewbald into a canter, ducking as a couple of low hanging branches came into view.
Without thinking, Kayo grabbed a particularly sinister looking branch and bent it as far back as she could, intent on snapping it so that the others could pass safely. Unfortunately, she underestimated the elasticity of the young aspen, and was forced to relinquish her hold when the branch refused to yield to her request.
Shadow's pilot released her grip with a growl of frustration, oblivious to the way the branch in question twanged back and walloped an unsuspecting Tracy square in the face.
"Man down! Man down!" came Gordon's frantic voice.
Penelope yanked on her reins so hard her horse nearly sat down. Scott and Virgil cannoned into the back of her like dominos, the latter sliding halfway up his horse's neck in the process.
"What now?" Scott wheezed, pivoting his head to get an eyeful of whatever Gordon was complaining about.
The sight that met his eyes wasn't welcome in the slightest.
John was lying in an unconscious heap on the ground, his face covered in blood. A few feet away, Gordon was gently clicking his tongue and trying to seize the reins of the redhead's now loose horse.
Kayo gasped and slapped a hand across her mouth, torn between dying from guilt and exploding into laughter.
"You lot go on ahead," Penelope instructed, elegantly dismounting and looping the reins over her skewbald's neck, "I'll take care of him. You should be able to cover the ground quicker without so many of us."
"I'll go and get help," Kayo offered, swinging her appaloosa in a circle, "I'll ride back up the hill and radio Frank and Kyle."
"F.A.B," Scott muttered, reluctant to leave his wounded brother, but aware that his other brother was counting on him. Swallowing his doubt, he motioned for Gordon and Virgil to follow him, "C'mon, guys. We're losing ground."
Two heads nodded in unison as Scott led the way through what remained of the forest, his eyes scanning for any more low hanging branches.
"Over there," Virgil relayed as they emerged back into the open, "Down by the river."
Scott pursed his mouth as he stared at the terrain separating him, Gordon, and Virgil from the out of control Alan and Brains. It was steep and rocky, and definitely couldn't be tackled with speed.
"Okay, slow and steady," Scott instructed, easing his mare forward and throwing his weight back in the saddle.
Gordon and Virgil shared a look of unease, but nodded regardless and dropped their reins to allow their horses full use of their necks.
"Careful!" Scott warned, pulling up when Virgil's palomino stumbled over a loose rock and nearly went down on her knees, "Stick to my path."
"Sorry," Virgil muttered, his blood pumping in his ears.
"It's starting to level out," Gordon observed, "I think we can speed up again."
A chiselled jaw was set as Virgil watched Scott break into yet another gallop, the wind buffeting his face as his palomino struggled to keep up with her black counterpart. Over on his left, Gordon was urging his bay on like a cheerleader.
"C'mon boy, you've got this! Keep going, and I'll buy you all the carrots your stomach can hold!" the aquanaut enthused, his blond hair hilariously windswept.
Scott was acutely aware that all three horses were drenched in sweat, but knew that there was nothing he or anyone else could do about it in the current situation. All they could do was pray that none of them collapsed from exhaustion. He had no interest in forking out another five grand to replace yet more equines that had been lost on his watch.
"Up ahead," Virgil yelled, pointing for emphasis, "Looks like they're both still hanging on."
Scott followed Virgil's gaze and experienced a weird combination of respect and confusion. Indeed, Alan and Brains were still clinging to their mounts for dear life. While Alan was putting up a fight and hauling on the reins for all he was worth, Brains had his arms and legs wrapped around his mare's neck and was dangling upside down like an oversized lemur.
Still, at least he'd finally stopped screaming.
Much to Scott's relief, both getaway horses also appeared to be succumbing to the effects of fatigue. Scott chanced a glance at Gordon's bay and Virgil's palomino. He was confident that if they could put on one final burst of speed, they'd be able to overtake their targets and force them to slow down.
"One last push," Scott implored, the urgency in his voice and the pressure from his thighs galvanising his tired horse into one last sprint, "C'mon, girl. One last push. That's all I need."
Several feet away, Gordon's bay was snorting like a racehorse as he heroically dashed along, sweat foaming around his ears and saddle. Gordon himself was pasted the gelding's neck, his tongue clicking encouragingly.
Virgil's face was contorted in guilt as his palomino responded to his kicking and surged forwards, the bit in her mouth rattling loudly as she pounded across the lush terrain.
After what felt like an eternity, Scott gained on Alan enough to lean over and grab one side of his reins. Using a combination of his upper arm strength and his mare's momentum, he banked left and yanked his bolting brother into a tight circle. The sudden change of direction and shift in balance forced Alan's mare to slow from a gallop to a canter, then a canter to a trot, and then finally to a blissful and very controllable walk.
"Thanks, Scott," Alan panted, his face damp with sweat, "Maybe next time I'll take your advice before automatically assuming bigger is better."
Meanwhile, Virgil and Gordon were using the pincher movement to close in on Brains. Gordon had pulled up on the scientist's left side and seized one half of his reins, while Virgil had pulled up on the right and seized the other half. Through the combined efforts of brothers two and four, Brains felt his mare slow until she was finally stationary.
"Well, I never want to do that again," Virgil announced, unsticking his shirt from where it was clinging to his neck as Brains slid to the ground in a boneless heap.
"You okay, buddy?" Gordon asked, his voice laced with concern as he dismounted and prodded Brains with his foot while swiftly loosening his horse's girth.
Brains mumbled something unintelligible into the grass.
"Probably bad shock," Virgil declared, dismounting and patting his own heaving horse on the neck, "I'm amazed he managed to hold on. Technically, this doesn't count as him getting dumped."
"I didn't get dumped either!" a new voice pitched in, "And my horse is way bigger than his."
Virgil and Gordon glanced up to see Alan and Scott riding towards them. Alan had switched and was on Scott's black mare, while Scott was on Alan's getaway horse. The eldest had a grim expression on his face, as if silently daring the buckskin to try and bolt with him in the saddle.
"We ought to link back up with the others," Virgil suggested, gingerly helping Brains to his feet, "You feeling okay, Brains? Do you want me to run a quick med scan?"
"I w-won!" the scientist hiccupped, peeling his face off the ground, "I w-won the race, V-Virgil!"
"Race?" Virgil felt as confused as he probably looked, "What race?"
"The r-race!" Brains repeated, "G-Gordon asked if we wanted a race, and I came in f-first! At least, I didn't see anyone overtake me."
Virgil held out a steadying hand as Brains swayed violently, his glasses askew.
"Are you sure you're feeling okay?" the engineer quizzed, quirking a brow when his colleague began walking in a circle for no apparent reason.
"Did you know that it's b-been scientifically proven that an apple a day really does keep the doctor away," Brains slurred, pirouetting like a ballerina, "Providing you throw it hard enough, of c-course."
"Okay, you're walking," Virgil announced, slinging one of Brains's arms over his shoulder and grimacing internally when the scientist planted a rather sloppy kiss on his cheek.
"I think we should all walk," Gordon corrected, motioning to the sweaty mass of horse that was standing next to him, "We pushed these guys to their limits. It would be cruel to expect them to now carry us all the way back home."
"Agreed," Scott added, swinging down and glowering a warning at Alan's buckskin, "Virg, give me Brains's mare. I'm happy to take two."
"F.A.B," Virgil replied, dropping the reins into Scott's outstretched hand.
"Where's John?" Alan suddenly asked, "And Kayo? And Lady P?"
Scott felt himself age ten years.
"Long story."
-x-
It was another two hours before Gordon, Brains, Scott, Alan, and Virgil stumbled into the courtyard of the ranch they'd set out from that very morning.
"Remind me why we didn't remotely call in Thunderbird Two?" Alan whined, cringing as he felt another blister begin to develop.
"Horses. Scared," Virgil replied, his tone clipped as he winced in pain, "Holy hell on a Thunderbird. I reckon I've lamed myself for life."
Gordon grunted in acknowledgement, one hand clutching his lower back as he teetered along like a man three times his age.
Brains remained silent, his unconscious body draped across the back of Gordon's bay like a corpse. The scientist had slammed to the floor in a dead faint not five minutes after they'd started the journey home, no doubt as a result of delayed shock.
Scott meanwhile, was looking vaguely amused.
"This is becoming worryingly familiar," he declared, catching Kayo's eye with a pained smile as Shadow's pilot hurried towards them.
"Kyle and Frank are out baling and left their radios with the ATVs," Kayo panted, her tone apologetic, "We were just about to grab two fresh horses and come out looking for you ourselves. Are you all okay?"
"Relax," Scott soothed, cringing when his legs burned an all too familiar burn, "We're all still in one piece. Well, I'm not sure what Brains's exact state is, but I'm sure we'll be able to glue him back together again."
"How's John?" Virgil asked, falling against one of the stable walls and sliding down onto his backside.
Almost on cue, a siren sounded in the background.
"Lady P called an ambulance, just as a precaution," Kayo replied, reaching out to steady Scott when his legs threatened to give way, "The paramedics say he's bruised his nose pretty badly and has a mild concussion. They want to monitor him overnight, so one of us will have to collect him in the morning."
"I'll go," Virgil volunteered, wincing as his redheaded brother was loaded onto a stretcher, "Poor kid. He seriously can't catch a break."
"Turns out he's also allergic to the juniper pollen in this region," Kayo added, her expression pitiful, "He's been sneezing non-stop in-between nosebleeds."
Scott was mentally steeling himself for a short but painful walk over to the ambulance when Penelope glided across the courtyard.
"I must say, you boys seem to be afflicted with some kind of curse," Penelope joked, her white jodhpurs every bit as immaculate as when they'd originally set out, "None of your dates with Kayo lasted until the end, and now it appears the same is happening on all of your dates with me."
"John mentioned something about becoming a monk," Scott mused, "Maybe we're all destined to join him."
"Oh, what nonsense," Penelope tutted, her manicured hand signalling it's dismissal with a flick, "I think all this is merely a sign that we need to tone things down a bit. No more drunken cruises, exotic restaurants, or daring horseback rides. No, we need to indulge in something a little more low-key. I'll treat you all to an overnight stay at the Emirates Palace in Abu Dhabi tomorrow evening, providing no rescues come in before then, of course."
Scott's head suddenly felt far too heavy for his neck, "Sure thing, Lady P. Again, that's very generous of you. Let me know how much we owe you for today and I'll wire you the money."
"Think nothing of it," the blond woman replied, "I had intended to focus today's masterclass on budgeting, however given the circumstances, I think we'll leave it for now. It's the most straightforward category of the five. In a nutshell, if the date is your idea, then etiquette dictates that you should be the one to pay. If you suspect that your generosity is being taken advantage of, however, then terminate the relationship immediately. Now, the first thing we're doing after we check in tomorrow is booking you boys into the spa for some well-earned pampering. Shiatsu or Swedish?"
"Both," Gordon replied, quacking when his spine clicked loudly, "And acupuncture and acupressure please, preferably at the same time."
"F.A.B," Penelope replied, frowning slightly when she noticed that Alan had yet to say a word, "Alan, darling? Are you quite alright?"
The youngest Tracy didn't answer, his eyes glued to Brains's knocked out form.
"Alan?" Penelope tried again.
"What? Oh, yeah, sorry. Sounds great," the youngest hastily replied, his gaze not straying from his comatose colleague for a single second.
Gordon cocked his head and followed Alan's gaze, his own eyes widening when he spied what was holding his little brother's attention hostage.
"He wet himself?" the aquanaut gasped, slapping a palm across his mouth in a futile attempt to quell the shrieks of laughter that were bubbling up his diaphragm.
Penelope did a double-take and cast a discreet eye over her conked out comrade.
Indeed, he had suffered an accident of the bladder voiding variety.
"Poor guy," Scott sighed, massaging his temple with one hand, "This was a wasted trip for him really."
"Why?" Virgil countered, "He rode a horse for the first time, and survived a near death experience. That hardly sounds wasteful to me."
Scott shot his brother a deadpan look and shook his head.
"He never even got any of that stupid glacial flour he wanted."