Chapter 49.

Despite not having a physical profile, EOS was every bit as human as her redheaded creator.

She possessed a full range of 'moods', ranging from horror to happiness. Some of her favourites were envy, frustration, surprise, and shyness. Envy was a particularly fun one to play with.

She was reluctant to use the term 'emotions', since her lack of a central nervous system meant she didn't experience the true neurophysical changes that humans underwent when switching between biological states. Regardless, she was very proud of her 'mood library', and devoted a significant portion of her processing power to researching which 'moods' would make her a better companion and assistant to John. Observations of the other Tracy siblings had shown that her creator was highly responsive to the emotions of 'generosity' and 'honesty', prompting her to put both at the top of her 'mood playlist'.

In light of the data she'd gathered on food preparation, EOS decided to take the opportunity to broaden her portfolio and experiment with an emotion she'd always been intrigued by. One she knew certain humans experienced around certain foods.

Disgust.

"Most interesting," EOS mused, her lights blinking as John poked warily at the gloopy mass that had formed at the base of the pan she'd been watching, "Has it gained sentience?"

John's eyes rolled so far back they almost got lost inside his head, "No. It's just congealed as it's cooled down. I told you to monitor the temperature, not turn it off altogether."

EOS had a completely different set of priorities, however, "Simply fascinating…could you bring a sample back with you when you return to Thunderbird Five? I'd be very interested to observe it further and see what else it is capable of."

"Maybe, if you behave," John bartered, aware that he was playing with fire, "Now, since this was your idea in the first place, I'm leaving it up to you to figure out how to save this mess. You can dictate, but I'm not offering any assistance outside of what you tell me to do."

EOS's lights switched from green to white, a sign that her own mood was deteriorating, "Very well. My research shows that humans crave foods that trigger the release of dopamine. Such foods are usually high in sugar, and excessive consumption leads to the same kind of physiological dependence found in people with caffeine and nicotine addictions. Naturally, this is the kind of reaction we need to get from your brothers, as well as the colleagues who don't share your DNA."

John's eyes nearly popped clean out of their sockets, "Please say you're not suggesting we add coffee beans to this monstrosity?"

EOS gave a spine-chilling giggle, "No, silly! Given Scott's predisposition to heart palpitations, adding caffeine would be an unwise decision. Plus, it would completely ruin the flavour. No, I recommend you add two tablespoons of white sugar instead."

"Two tablespoons?" John gawked as his jaw ricocheted off the floor, "EOS, sugar and vegetables don't usually go together."

"But we won't stimulate sufficient levels of dopamine in your brother's brains unless we drastically increase the sugar content," EOS argued, "The surest way to win is to activate their mesolimbic pathways, and we can only do that if we feed them an addictive substance. If you're not happy with sugar, we could always give them each a cigarette to smoke instead."

John's own heart suffered a palpitation of epic proportions at the AI's suggestion, "EOS!"

"Two tablespoons of sugar it is, then," EOS retaliated, her lights momentarily shifting to red, "In fact, recent research suggests that sugar is slightly less addictive than tobacco, so make it four tablespoons instead."

John's jaw clicked in anger at the AI's cheek. Who did she think she was, ordering him around like he was her personal manservant? He had a horrible premonition that what he was experiencing with her was fairly representative of the average marriage.

"I should remind you that I can control Thunderbird Five's systems remotely," EOS sang, "If you don't do as I say, I'll leak helium into the atmosphere of the gravity ring when you return. Imagine what people's reactions will be when the spokesperson for International Rescue comes on the air sounding like a chipmunk."

Several glasses rattled out of place on one of the nearby floating shelves as John slammed a bag of sugar down onto the counter and furiously dumped four tablespoons into the 'soup' EOS had created.

"Now taste it," the AI ordered, her claim of not being able to feel true emotions losing credibility as she snickered in obvious amusement.

John stood his ground. He had over twenty years' experience dealing with the bullying, wheedling, and sometimes downright savage behaviour of his brothers. A childlike AI was nothing compared to having a tin of anchovies tipped down the back of your spacesuit.

"You know, I really would like to acquire those Houndfish dimensions I spoke of earlier," EOS began, her tone conversational, "I understand that Gordon is probably the only one who will be willing to help me in this endeavour. Maybe I'll reset all the voice recognition software onboard Thunderbird Five to recognise his cadence instead of yours."

John didn't flinch. This wasn't the first time she'd threatened to lock him out.

Still, the mere thought of Gordon leaving food wrappers all over his beloved 'Bird was enough to make him briefly yield.

"More than that!" EOS barked, her lights flashing red when she spied the microscopic spoonful John was eyeballing.

The redhead cringed and obediently increased the mass of sludge on his spoon, before pinching his nose and clamping his jaws around EOS's creation.

A creation which was a pure assault on the taste buds.

"Mmm, delicious!" John lied, storing the congealed mess in his cheeks like a hamster, "Definitely hits the sweet spot."

"Marvellous!" EOS peeped, her lights flicking back to green, "Okay, heat it up to precisely one hundred and ninety degrees before transferring it into lukewarm bowls. Make sure adequate water is available for your guests, and don't forget to remind them to tip when they leave."

John gave a distracted nod, his eyes watering as the offensive sludge continued to lay siege to his palate.

"I'm going to patch myself into the air conditioning system and issue a request for everyone to get seated," EOS ploughed on, "Will you be okay serving without me, or would you like me to help you calculate the optimum quantity for each bowl?"

A blur of red was her only answer as John frantically shook his head.

"Wonderful! I won't be a moment," EOS chirped, before disconnecting with a soft 'beep'.

It was without a shred of dignity that John threw himself over the sink and promptly spat out what could only be described as a culinary abomination capable of rivalling his grandmother's cookies.

-x-

Needless to say, the carrot soup wasn't met with the same level of familial support that the cheesy noodles had been treated to.

After getting over the physical and emotional trauma of being served carrot soup for dinner, the Tracy brothers, Penelope, Parker, and Kayo had all fallen victim to a wide variety of different reactions.

Penelope had feigned illness and politely requested that she be allowed to take her portion home in a doggy bag.

Parker had surreptitiously slid his plate under the table for Sherbert to lick clean. Mysteriously, the little pug had started pinging off the walls not four seconds after finishing his second dinner of the evening, the sugar wreaking havoc on his tiny system.

Kayo had desperately dumped all of her portion down the front of her bra while John and EOS had been arguing about bowl dimensions in the kitchen. Speaking of dimensions, both Scott and Gordon hadn't been able to work out for the life of them how Kayo had managed to go up two sizes in the space of twenty seconds.

Scott had tried hopelessly to finish his serving out of sibling loyalty, but had been forced to stop when his left eye had begun twitching uncontrollably.

Virgil had offered to pay Alan a substantial amount of money in exchange for eating his share. Enticed by the promise of easy cash, the youngest had agreed.

John had discovered that he was in fact allergic to carrots five minutes after allowing EOS to coerce him into taste testing. He'd been spared the torture of having to consume a full sized portion on medical grounds, and had spent the duration of the meal editing his allergy list on the fridge instead.

Gordon had announced that he needed the bathroom shortly after being served, and had left the table with his bowl in tow, arguing that he didn't want anyone to steal his dinner while he was gone. Upon entering the bathroom, he'd flushed the orange abomination down the toilet without a shred of remorse.

Alan had panicked upon realising that he had twice the amount of 'soup' as everybody else. After politely asking Kayo if he too could hide some down her bra (and then ducking the ensuing punch), he'd resorted to desperate measures and forced himself to eat the entire lot.

Five minutes later, he'd thrown up all over EOS's portable kitchen unit after trying, and failing, to make it to the bathroom in time.

The AI's squeals of genuine disgust had laid waste to her claim of not being able to experience proper 'emotions', and had also provided John with some much needed revenge.

"That's called karma, EOS. You should research it after you've finished indexing those Houndfish dimensions. Alan? Have another hundred bucks for your trouble."