Chapter 50.

Of course, nobody anticipated that John's post-dinner activity would be worse than dinner itself.

"Top Trivia?" Gordon groaned, slumping in despair. The collective mood of the household was sour, and blood sugar levels were low, "Seriously, John? Why do you have to intellectualise everything?"

The redhead smirked as he tipped the cards onto the kitchen table and started shuffling them with his long fingers, "Knowledge is power, Gordon. Now, I've gone ahead and devised a list of teams, so all we need to-"

"Hold your spacehorses, young man!" Sally interrupted, her expression frighteningly stern, "Don't you remember what happened the last time University Challenge came on the TV? I was cleaning bloodstains off the couch for a week. If there are going to be teams, I'm going to be the one who picks them."

John looked as if his degree had just been revoked, "But what about balancing academic knowledge against real-world experience? You have to pair people who complement each other's intellectual strengths and weaknesses!"

"Nobody knows you boys better than me," Sally argued, holding her hand up when John opened his mouth to retaliate, "Enough. Otherwise we don't play at all."

In the blink of an eye, John reverted from a respected adult to a sulky teenager.

"Right, put your hand up if you want to play," Sally instructed, "Nobody has to partake if they're not feeling up to it. This is supposed to be fun, after all."

Eight sets of hands rose into the air.

"Perfect, that's a nice even number," Sally smiled, pulling a notebook and pen out from the pocket of her tracksuit, "Okay, let's do the ladies first. Kayo, you can go with Alan. Penny, I'm putting you with Gordon."

Scott quirked a brow as his youngest brothers beamed at each other in unrestrained joy.

"Virgil, you're with Parker," Sally continued, gripping the pen with her teeth as she reached for the stack of cards, "Which leaves Scott with John."

Gordon's happiness swiftly descended into horror, "Hey, that's not fair! You can't have an Oxford graduate and a Harvard graduate on the same team. The rest of us won't stand a chance!"

Sally leant over and patted her distraught grandson on the hand, "Don't worry, kid. Like I said, nobody knows you all better than me. Right, I think there are some electronic buzzers in one of the bookshelves from a school project Alan did last semester. Virgil, can you grab them and see if the batteries are still working?"

While Virgil was preoccupied with actioning his grandmother's request, the other teams used the interval to start strategising.

"I'm good at biology and physics," Gordon muttered, his eyes wide with panic, "But my knowledge outside of those two things isn't exactly stellar."

Penelope nodded grimly, her voice a whisper, "I'm fairly proficient at geography, and my history knowledge is passable. Are you any good at languages?"

Gordon snorted and began to list off his fingers, "Of course. I'm fluent in English, American, Canadian, Australian, South African, and Kiwi."

"So English, basically," Penelope clarified.

Gordon was about to reply with the suggestion that he could also speak whale, but was interrupted by Virgil returning with the buzzers.

"Batteries appear to still have some juice left," he announced, passing the box to his grandmother, "You ready to win, eh Parker? Just remember, I won't go easy on Lady P just because she's your boss, okay?"

"Don't intend to myself, Mister Virgil," Parker smugly replied, "I'm a dab 'and at crosswords, and 'ave won more than me fair share of pub quizzes!"

Kayo's eyes narrowed in suspicion as she caught sight of the rather heated debate Scott and John appeared to be in the middle of, "Our best chance to win is to hit our buzzers quicker than everyone else. Don't worry if you don't know the answer straight away, just hit the button before those two nerds can get a foothold. Stalling is our best tactic."

Alan shrugged and flopped back in his chair, "Eh, my general knowledge is a little hazy outside of space. Besides, being smart isn't really in vogue at the moment. It's all about being CARP."

"CARP?" Kayo pinned Alan with a frown, "Is that supposed to stand for something?"

The youngest Tracy nodded eagerly, "It's what I aspire to be: Cool And Radically Popular."

There was a loud snort of laughter from an eavesdropping Gordon, "Good thing you don't want to be Cool, Rich And Popular, right bro?"

Kayo stifled a giggle into her hand as Alan's face darkened to the same shade as his Thunderbird.

"I still don't see why we can't pick our own teams," Scott grouched, shooting John a glare that almost set the redhead's eyebrows on fire, "We're all adults, bar Alan."

Sally allowed a rare smirk to dance across her face as she selected the first card and held it aloft, "Now now, Scott. If a game doesn't have rules, it's not a game, is it?"

"No," Scott muttered, "It's politics."

"Okay everyone, fingers on buttons," Sally ordered, squinting slightly as her eyes scanned the card in front of her.

Even from across the room, Alan swore he could see John foaming at the bit.

"Question One for ten points," Sally began, "What element does 'Cl' represent in the Periodic Table-"

John's hand crashed onto his buzzer with enough force to start an earthquake.

"Chlorine!" he gasped, his expression slightly manic.

"Sorry dear, but I'm afraid it's a two part question," Sally threw her third grandson a look of pity before gazing around at the other groups, "Ahem, what element does 'Cl' represent in the Periodic Table and what is its atomic number?"

Much to everyone's surprise, Gordon punched his buzzer, "Chlorine and seventeen!"

"Correct," Sally beamed, pausing to record the score on her notepad, "That's ten points to Gordon and Penelope, and a five point penalty for Scott and John."

Penelope nodded in approval at Gordon's triumph, "Most impressive."

"I've spent half my life swallowing and inhaling the stuff," Gordon justified with a shrug, "I'm six pints blood, four pints chlorine."

"Question Two," Sally continued, oblivious to the bloodlust that was painted all over John's face, "What is the name of the body of water that runs through Egypt-"

The entire room jumped three feet as Scott practically slammed his buzzer through the table, "The Nile!"

Sally cringed, "Sorry sweetheart, but I hadn't quite finished the question. What is the name of the body of water that runs through Egypt and connects the Mediterranean Sea to the Red Sea?"

There was a loud honking sound as Gordon and John hit their buzzers in perfect unison.

"The Suez Canal!" both brothers cried, their voices overlapping.

Sally sighed and shook her head, "John, I'm afraid both you and Scott have to forfeit this question. Gordon, that is correct. That's another ten points to you and Penny, and another five point deduction for your brothers."

Alan bowed his head and leant towards Kayo, "Bet they never thought they'd end up with a score lower than zero. And we're barely five minutes in."

Shadow's pilot smiled thinly as Gordon and Penelope exchanged a high-five, "I think Grandma Tracy might know all of us a little too well."

Sally smacked her lips in satisfaction, ignoring the murderous glares her first and third grandson were shooting her, "Question Three: How many people are there on an English jury?"

Gordon threw up his hands in surrender, but straightened upon remembering that his teammate hailed from the great land of English juries…

…who unfortunately wasn't as quick as her driver.

"Twelve!" Parker wheezed, beaming when Virgil gave him a clap on the shoulder.

"Correct!" Sally sang, "And a bonus five points to whoever can answer the extension: In which European country do trials consist of nine jurors -"

A loud 'crack' echoed around the kitchen as John broke his buzzer, "France!"

"Nope, wrong again, honey," Sally sighed, "Another five point penalty. You really must wait until I've finished asking the question. As I was saying: In which European country do trials consist of nine jurors and two alternates."

As luck would have it, Kayo had some knowledge of the European judicial system. Anyone who asked how she'd acquired it was met with a one word answer: "Classified."

"Spain!" Kayo yelled, before remembering to hit her buzzer.

"Correct. And I won't dock you for forgetting to buzz before answering," Sally peered over the rim of her glasses and smiled before scribbling down the updated scores.

"Ahem. Question Four…"

-x-

One hour later…

"Well done, everyone," Sally enthused, throwing down the final card, "Give me a second to tally the numbers. The winning team gets a homecooked breakfast in the morning."

Virgil felt himself hesitate. Victory had suddenly lost all its appeal.

"I hope you're happy," came the grouchy voice of EOS, who'd been observing John's performance with barely concealed disgust, "There was a one in six thousand two hundred and seventeen chance you'd lose to Gordon. That calculates as less than zero point zero two percent, and yet you still managed to defy the odds. I'm going to start lowering my expectations of you from now on."

Scott swore John suddenly started giving off more heat than usual.

"Also, I took the liberty of doing some more research on molecular recognition and receptor proteins," EOS ploughed on, "Based on the data I've analysed, I've come to the conclusion that you lied about your soup tasting good. The number of taste receptors a person has is determined by their genetics, and your medical data suggests that you possess in excess of the average number. This means you have heightened sensitivity to certain flavour sensations, and are thirty percent more likely to reject foods with high sugar and sodium contents. Tell me, did you really enjoy the soup?"

John bid a mental farewell to his underwear before slowly shaking his head.

"How rude!" EOS harrumphed, her lights flicking from green to red like a homicidal Christmas tree, "You couldn't even afford me the decency of an honest answer? Right, that's it, I'm going on the internet and leaving your establishment a bad review."

Scott opened his mouth to object, but was stopped by a hand on his shoulder.

"Leave it," Virgil whispered, "Don't get between a father and his daughter."

"I heard that!" John snapped, his expression promising bodily harm.

There was a loud cough as Sally stood up to announce the winner, "Your attention, please! Ahem, in fourth place with minus twenty five points, we have John and Scott. In third place, with forty points exactly, we have Alan and Kayo. In second place, with fifty five points, Parker and Virgil. Which leaves our winners, who cleared the finish line with a whopping eighty five points, Gordon and Penny!"

Parker, Virgil, and Kayo all had the decency to offer a congratulatory clap. Alan was indifferent. Dinner had sucked and he was still hungry.

Scott didn't hang around for the celebrations. He didn't take kindly to losing anything, and knew the only way he'd be able to clear the adrenalin bubbling through his veins was by going for a run around the island.

John meanwhile appeared to be mentally drawing up dimensions for a Gordon-shaped coffin. Of course, his brother was completely oblivious to his fury. Either that, or he simply didn't care.

"Glad to see your lactose allergy didn't inhibit your performance," John sniped as he stalked past, deliberately raising his voice so that Penelope could hear.

Gordon snorted, his confidence buoyed by victory, "John, don't you think you're being a tad neurotic? It was just a game."

Alan giggled around the peanut butter and jelly sandwich in his mouth, "Just a tad neurotic? I think you mean five tads and sixteen smidgens."

Penelope gave one of her tinkling laughs before coughing politely and fixing her gaze on the smoking pile of human that was John Glenn Tracy.

"Which of course begs the question, whose turn is it to host next?"