Chapter 70.
After somehow managing to get lost twice, John and Alan finally made it to Scott's designated rendezvous point. Upon arriving, John's laser-vision immediately took note of three things:
The hideous bright yellow bandage encasing Gordon's right arm,
The complete lack of blood in Virgil's face,
The middle-aged, overly made-up woman who was gazing at Scott like he was a freshly iced cake.
"Oh! Are these the two we've been waiting for?" the woman asked, waddling over to pinch Alan's cheeks, "What a gem! Just look at those baby blues. You're going to make some young lady very happy one day!"
John instinctively stepped behind something solid when the woman straightened up and latched her bug-like eyes onto him, "Oh, sweet heavens, hand me my inhaler! This strapping young fox here just took my breath away."
Scott cringed as the woman, who'd introduced herself as Dora 'Dotty' Parsons, smacked John playfully on the arm, "You naughty old thing! I'm an asthmatic you know, so handsome specimens like you are a serious health threat to me. In fact, I might just keel over and let you get in some last-minute CPR practise before the match starts."
Scott took that as his cue to intervene, "Uh, John, this is Lady Parsons. She's a friend of Lady Penelope and has kindly agreed to loan us some of her polo ponies for the match. She's got a string of eight, so we each get two."
Dotty nodded happily, but shifted to a mock pout when she turned towards Gordon, "Such a shame about your arm, dear. Still, we need someone to look after the reserve ponies between chukkas. My groom couldn't attend on such short notice, but you're okay to take her place, aren't you dear? Penelope mentioned that you love animals."
Gordon smiled awkwardly, trying to ignore the way Dotty pursed her lips and batted her false lashes at him, "Sure thing, Lady Parsons. I'm happy to ponysit."
"Excellent!" Dotty gushed, gesturing to her string of immaculate equines with a long pink nail, "Hellfire and Inka are the largest, so I'm assigning them to John. Virgil, you can take Dynamo and Zantor. Darling Scott has already claimed Cosmos and Delta, which leaves your adorable little munchkin of a brother with Flare and Dala."
Scott cleared his throat, the fakest of fake smiles plastered across his face, "Thank you, Lady Parsons. We really appreciate your generosity. We're in your debt."
Dotty looked overjoyed and clasped her hands across her heart, "Oh my! The great Tracy boys, in debt to little old me? Nonsense, darling! I assure you, repayment is neither needed nor expected."
John and Gordon dropped their shoulders in relief, however swiftly re-tensed them when Dotty sidled up to Scott and delivered a shameless smack to their eldest brother's backside.
"Of course, I'd never stand in the way of a moral man such as yourself, Mr Tracy," Dotty purred, content to ignore the twenty plus years that separated her from Scott, "If you still feel compelled to offer compensation after the match, then you'd be most welcome to swing by my tent for a glass of champagne after hours. Don't worry, what happens in Dotty's Den stays in Dotty's Den."
A weird noise that sounded like a suppressed gag travelled up Scott's throat.
"That offer applies to all of you, by the way," Dotty carried on, pausing to consider Alan for a moment, "All of you who are over eighteen, at least. I may not be the young filly I once was, but even the best stallions can benefit from running with a seasoned old mare."
Alan felt his cheeks heat up as Dotty cast her lustful gaze over his brothers, as if at a loss for which one to choose.
"Dotty, I think I speak for all of my brothers when I say thank you again for your generosity," Virgil interjected, stepping in front of the stupefied Scott, "We will, of course, bear your thoughtful offer in mind, however I think it's likely that we'll all be showering and heading straight to bed after the match. Speaking of which, I think it would be wise for you to head outside and claim your seat. I'm sure Penelope will have a glass of bubbly waiting for you in the VIP box."
Outside, a bell chime signalled that the match was five minutes from starting.
Dotty tutted and shuffled towards Virgil, her jowly face splitting into a grin, "I could show you a lot in five minutes, Mr Tracy."
Virgil's own look of horror swiftly put Scott's to shame.
"I can smell inexperience a mile away," Dotty whispered, her wedding band glittering as she walked her fingers up Virgil's trembling bicep, "I find it an unbearable shame when men as delicious as yourselves lack the rebellious streak that most women crave. Sometimes they need a bit of a jump-start, which is where Daring Dotty and her bra-ful of charms come in."
With timing that could only be described as perfect, the barn doors suddenly swung open, revealing the angelic form of the birthday girl herself.
"Scott? Gordon?" Kayo's face was the dictionary definition of confused, "What's taking you guys so long? The other team have already taken to the pitch!"
Dotty's beady eyes narrowed in contempt as she took in Kayo's smooth skin, large eyes, and lithe figure encased in an aquamarine dress.
Contempt shifted to outright jealousy when Scott broke rank and darted over to Kayo's side.
"Darling!" he gushed, snaking an arm around Kayo's waist and tugging her against his chest, "Where have you been? I've been trying to call you all morning."
Kayo's eyes widened as she glanced up at Scott in a mixture of outrage and uncertainty. When she opened her mouth to demand an explanation, Scott tightened his grip and planted a kiss on the top of her head.
John felt himself age ten years. He wouldn't be letting Scott forget that one anytime soon.
A dismissive sniff climbed out of Dotty's greasy nose as she switched her crosshairs back to Virgil. She'd heard Penelope mention that Scott had an explosive temper on him, which she didn't particularly care for. Malleable men were much more fun, and Virgil definitely gave off a more approachable vibe than his brother.
Fortunately, the Tracys appeared to be on the receiving end of a two for one deal in the divine intervention department. Before Dotty could so much as pin Virgil with a sultry look, a second figure materialised in the doorway.
"Boys, this simply won't do!" Penelope snapped, her blue eyes travelling incredulously over the queue of saddleless and bridleless ponies, "We've got a crowd of three hundred people outside waiting for you to make an appearance. Gordon? Pass me that saddle cloth, would you? I'll tack these horses up and hoist you lads onto them myself if I absolutely have to."
"Darling!" Virgil exclaimed, scooping Penelope into his arms and spinning her round, "Now really, is that how a respectable lady of society addresses her man in public?"
Penelope looked torn between kicking Virgil in the groin and asking to be spun again.
"She likes to downplay things," Virgil explained, smiling apologetically at Dotty, "My apologies for the confusion. It's actually our ninth anniversary next week."
A tense moment of silence followed, broken only by Kayo's muffled objections as Scott continued to squash her face against his chest.
Penelope didn't have the same level of physical training as Kayo, but she certainly caught on much quicker. One quick look at the way Virgil's eyes were darting between her and Dotty was enough for her to put two and two together.
'Aha, Deadeye Dotty's gone and set her sights on you boys.'
"Oh, yes," Penelope began haltingly, patting Virgil stiffly on the cheek, "We like to keep our relationship out of the media spotlight. You know how the tabloids twist the truth and all. Why, they claimed that I'd apparently died in a plane crash just last week."
Dotty quirked a disbelieving brow. She would never have paired Penelope up with Virgil Tracy of all people. She'd known the other woman for years, and would never have pegged Virgil as being her type. Still, she couldn't exactly blame her. Who in their right mind would turn down a face and body as gorgeous as his?
Speaking of gorgeous faces…
"I'm gay," John lied, silently daring anyone to sell him out to the lecherous old woman stood before them.
Dotty wrinkled her nose and shifted her gaze to Gordon, who apparently had no issues with resorting to the desperatest of desperate measures.
"Darling!" Gordon shrieked, seizing Alan and crushing him in a hug that exceeded the parameters of brotherly affection, "I can't keep our love a secret any longer!"
Seven pairs of eyes, including Alan's own ones, nearly fell onto the floor.
"Incestuous shenanigans in the great Tracy clan?" Dotty gasped, pausing to collect herself, "I find that very hard to believe."
"Sorry to disappoint," Gordon replied, smacking Alan on the rump for emphasis, "I'm afraid I just can't get enough of this little spaceman and all two of his chest hairs."
"Hey!" Alan quacked, "They're blond and hard to see!"
Gordon smiled indulgently, "It's okay Allie, I've got enough for both of us."
"Oh, look how red he's gone!" Kayo cooed, her eyes creasing in amusement.
Dotty, meanwhile, looked on the verge of having some kind of tragically lustful meltdown. Eager to capitalise on their growing advantage, Scott re-entered the fray.
"I can still remember when I was pregnant with him," he joked, biting back a laugh when Dotty's face paled to something beyond white, "They really do grow up so fast. Five minutes ago, he was a tiny blob on an ultrasound. Now, he's a young man in a committed relationship who's almost ready to put down a deposit on a house. Oh boy, where has the time gone?"
Whichever deity was intervening must have owed the Tracys money, because it was back, but this time in the form of a grandmother. A grandmother who valued punctuality above all else.
"Boys!" Sally thundered, glowering in disgust at the collective lack of progress her grandsons had made with tacking up, "They've had to skip to a break because of your tardiness. The other team have been awarded two bonus points as compensation for waiting, so your chances of winning are now virtually non-existent. What do you have to say for yourselves?"
Dotty eyed the Tracy matriarch warily. After bearing witness to Gordon's little confession, she couldn't help but wonder if this sweet old lady was in fact the madam of the Tracy household. Clearly, things weren't as normal as they looked.
Fortunately, Sally had years of experience in deterring unwanted suitors from her grandsons. Since they were often too polite to do it themselves, she was well-accustomed to reading the signs of silent peril.
"Dotty!" Sally exclaimed, scurrying over to envelop the shell-shocked woman in a hug, "Goodness, how are you my dear? I haven't seen you since you invited Jeff to that masquerade ball you hosted back in forty-eight."
Dotty frowned and wormed her way out of Sally's embrace, "I've hosted others since then, all of which have been hugely successful. Your son, may he rest in peace, will never know what he missed."
The thinly veiled insult flew over Sally's head like one of Thunderbird One's drones, "Ah well, he was never one for fancy dress anyway. I see you've met my boys? Please excuse their terrible manners. Unfortunately, we have a ban on fraternising at International Rescue. It's a complete breach of professional conduct, plus I've no interest in dealing with paternity lawsuits. It's nothing personal though, dear. I'm sure Scott in particular will take his sweet time getting over you."
Dotty was already halfway out the door, one hand gesturing vaguely to her ponies, "Return them to the correctly numbered stables when the match is over please."
With a bang that was louder than necessary, the barn door slammed closed, signalling the departure of Deadeye Dora 'Dotty' Parsons. Five sets of eyes locked onto Sally with absolute gratitude.
"Thanks, Grandma," John puffed, "You should get a government grant just for being you."
Sally tittered in amusement, "It was nothing, dear. Now, let's get you boys in the saddle. Gordon, help your brothers as much as you can. I'm going back outside to tell the organisers you're on your way. Kayo, Penny, you girls come with me."
The sound of stamping hooves and pattering feet filled the barn as horses and humans set about getting ready.
"Quick question," Virgil wheezed, heaving a saddle onto Zantor's back, "Have any of us actually played polo before?"
Gordon shrugged and secured Inka's bridle, "I've played water polo before. Not sure if that counts."
Alan gasped in awe.
"No way! Wait, how did your horse not drown?"