Chapter 85.
"That was the world's most expensive fart."
Gordon shrugged and propped his feet on the dashboard of FAB 1, a Celery Crunch bar lodged in his mouth, "I don't do things by halves, bro."
John simmered and tightened his grip on the steering wheel, "Two thousand dollars for a fart. You could have at least forced a kidney out. The whole trip might have actually been worthwhile then."
An empty wrapper was casually tossed into the footwell, "Wind is not to be trifled with, dear brother. One misfire when old Scotty launches, and Tracy Island could go up in flames."
John made a mental note to keep Gordon away from the space elevator's boosters.
"Mr Speedy may like to think he wields all the power," Gordon ploughed on, fiddling with the seat heater dial, "But I'm the one who's really in charge. One cheese sandwich and I could bring the Hood to his knees. Give me a truckle of stilton and I could probably take over the GDF."
Two minutes of silence ensued as both brothers mulled over this horrifying concept.
"Sheesh, turn that thing off!" John quacked, motioning to the dial Gordon was twiddling, "My buttocks are cooking!"
Gordon giggled quietly to himself and did as instructed, his offer of applying aloe vera gel to his brother's scorched behind being met with a sideways whack to the head.
"Hey, watch the hair," he squeaked, ducking to avoid his brother's swipes, "If my existence offends you that much, I'll get out and walk."
"Too late, we're here," John grouched, gliding FAB 1 to a halt, "And not a minute too soon. One more bout of intestinal gas from you and I'd have driven us off the nearest cliff."
A dramatic sigh filtered across the roof of the pink Rolls Royce as Gordon heaved himself out, "Poke fun all you want, bro. I know I smell good when I'm not in the middle of a dairy duel. Just for the record, the ice cream came onto me, okay?"
John grunted in surrender. He couldn't remember why on earth he'd allowed himself to admit to missing the blond headache who was known by law as Gordon Cooper Tracy.
"Hey, bro?"
"What now, Gordon?"
A pair of eyes sparkled at him.
"I've missed spending time with you. Thanks for staying."
-x-
The party was in full swing by the time John and Gordon made it back up to the terrace. Any traces of Havoc and Fuse's gate-crashing had been neatly tidied away and the entire patio re-transformed into a magical wonderland of fairy lights, candles, and lively music.
"Whoa," Gordon gasped, "Penny really outdid herself this time. I hardly recognise the place!"
"Hey, guys!" Alan cried, jumping up and waving, "You're back! What was the doctor's verdict?"
Gordon shrugged and helped himself to a passing glass of lemonade, "Nothing fancy. I succumbed to an impromptu ice cream craving and then gassed poor Johnny on the car ride back."
"He's not lying," John added, tossing FAB 1's keys to a relieved looking Parker, "I think I've gone blind in my left eye."
Alan sucked in a breath in an effort to stabilise his humour, "Ah well, at least you guys made it back in time for the food. Parker and Rigby just finished setting up, and it looks incredible."
Gordon didn't need to be told this twice. In a flash he was at Rigby's side and fighting him for the plate of smoked salmon blinis in his hand. Despite putting up a decent fight, even a GDF Captain was no match for Gordon when he was hungry.
"Oh, and John, someone was asking after you earlier," Alan added, smiling teasingly, "I told her that you were running a bit late, but she said she was happy to wait."
John didn't have to ask who, but did anyway.
The cheeky grin engulfing Alan's face was both unneeded and unwelcome, "Ridley O'Bannon, duh."
A shiver of dread rolled down John's spine. He had enough respect for O'Bannon to fill Tracy Island's hangar ten times over, and previous circumstances had seen him risk both his life and his Thunderbird to save her and Global One. He thoroughly enjoyed their weekly handball sessions and would quite happily, albeit privately, admit that she was the closest female friend he had, aside from Kayo and Penelope. What complicated their friendship was the lack of a relationship she had with any of his brothers. She'd met Alan, but that particular introduction had been cut short by Eden going boom.
Facts were facts. Unlike Kayo and Penelope, O'Bannon wasn't a family-wide friend. Her connection to International Rescue was exclusively through him, and she'd shown no interest in extending her knowledge of the Tracy clan beyond him.
John had spent his whole life watching Scott and Virgil get all the girls. If they weren't attracted to Scott's rakishly handsome features and authoritarian attitude, they gravitated towards the chiselled jaw and gentler nature of Virgil, and vice versa. Long gone were the days where he'd idolised his charismatic and charming older brothers. That childhood reverence had been stamped out as soon as he'd hit his teens, replaced instead with envy over his own social clumsiness.
Someone pinched his shoulder. Glancing down, John saw Alan jerking his head towards an elegantly dressed and rapidly approaching Ridley O'Bannon.
"I'mjustgunnagoandgrabadrink."
Alan could only sigh as his brother clamped his tail between his legs and hauled ass for all he was worth in the opposing direction of his inbound admirer.
O'Bannon snorted with laughter as she closed the final few feet between her and Alan, "Still playing the chicken, is he? You know, he's a lot more confident in Zero-G."
Ten minutes later…
Parker blinked as his gaze locked onto a line of knotted curtains billowing out of an open bathroom window. Two seconds later, a person who looked suspiciously like John swung himself to the ground like an intoxicated Tarzan. If indeed it really was John, then Scott would no doubt be getting a bill from a thoroughly confused upholsterer.
As for John, he was finally free as a bird.
-x-
It was another three hours before the party began to wind down, and Alan was happy to admit that he was exhausted.
It had been a long day; Celery getting attacked, winning the polo match, pursuing Havoc, and the supermarket fiasco had all occurred over the last eighteen hours. And poor Alan was paying the price more than his brothers.
"Here, drink this," Gordon instructed, returning from his fourth trip to the buffet table with two glasses of something cloudy, "It'll perk you right back up."
Previous experience had taught Alan that accepting any kind of drink from Gordon was a bad idea, but the fog of fatigue had dulled the reasoning part of his brain and he was pretty thirsty.
"Mmmm, that's really good," Alan enthused, eyeing the little pink umbrella sticking out the top of his glass approvingly, "Some kind of fruit juice?"
"Eh, kind of," Gordon replied, taking two long slugs of his own cloudy concoction, "Drink it up while it's nice and cold."
Alan did as instructed, humming in appreciation as the cool liquid refreshed his senses. A new glass promptly took the place of his empty one.
"Keep going," Gordon encouraged, gnawing on his piece of pineapple, "The more you have, the better life gets."
"What's this called?" Alan asked, crunching absently on an ice cube, "Is it made from mangoes?"
Gordon shook his head and polished off his pineapple, "Pina colada, lil' bro. The only drink a blond needs. Keep chugging."
At the mercy of his taste buds, Alan complied. It wasn't like he had anything better to do, and Gordon was his older brother.
Ten minutes passed before the DJ suddenly announced that the time had come to 'slow things down.' Instinctively, the remaining people on the dancefloor began milling around in search of partners, a sense of urgency engulfing the ones whose cohorts were either absent, drunk, or had paired up with someone else. Much to everyone's relief, Scott and Kayo quickly teamed up. Alan wasn't sure how much more cat-and-mouse his little heart could take. He was happy that his brother was finally making a move on the girl he liked, but wounded that the girl in question was also the one he happened to like.
Gordon meanwhile, was glaring at the dancefloor as if it had come to life and insulted his prized head of hair. A quick glance revealed why.
Virgil and Penelope. Slow dancing. Together.
"Oh, shit."