Chapter 86.

Like Grandma, Penelope had a favourite Tracy.

Unlike Grandma, however, her preferences varied depending on day of the week, time of the month, Jupiter's alignment with Mars, and the pollen forecast. Scott was a solid favourite when she wanted something done, but Virgil was a safer bet if she was feeling clingy. John was perfect on quiet days, and Gordon was top of the list if she was craving a good laugh. If it was unbridled enthusiasm she was after, then Alan took the cake.

She was well aware of Gordon's crush on her and was quite happy to admit that she had a bit of a soft spot for him in return. She could see a lot of potential in him, and found him appealing in a way that was different to his brothers. Maybe it was his permanent smile, his natural affinity for bad jokes, or his amazing swimmer's physique. Unfortunately for him, pollen levels were low in Buenos Aires and Jupiter wasn't set to align with Mars for another eight and a half years, hence her decision to select Virgil as a dance partner over him.

Okay, that was a slight exaggeration. She'd originally tried to seek Gordon out, but had left him alone upon seeing that he was busy with Alan. Poor Virgil had been through a lot of emotional turmoil over the course of the evening, one way or another. He'd been used by Kayo as jealousy bait for Scott, groped by Havoc, and then dropped by Kayo after she and Scott had reached their unofficial truce. He was long overdue some attention, and in the absence of Gordon, Penelope was more than happy to give it to him. Ever the gracious gentleman, he'd accepted her offer to dance on the spot.

Of course, all Gordon saw was the woman he liked dancing with the brother he used to like.

There was an ugly familiarity to the whole situation. Gordon knew Kayo and Penelope got great satisfaction from walking all over him and his brothers, however couldn't help but notice that they both appeared to be 'doing the rounds' a bit. Kayo had gone on dates with all five of them, then asked Virgil to be her partner for the evening, all while harbouring a not so secret crush on Scott.

Penelope was much more discreet with her affections, but had managed to accrue a fair bit of Tracy mileage regardless. She'd asked Scott to be her date for the evening, was now dancing with Virgil, had attended her disastrous charity auction event with John, and had kissed him, Gordon. If the luck of his brothers was anything to go by, Alan's prospects with her were very promising.

Meanwhile…

"This sucks," Alan grouched, hiccupping as he finished his third drink, "Why do we have to sit over here like the uncool kids while they get to have all the fun?"

Gordon didn't answer, his attention focussed on making sure Virgil's hands didn't stray too far south. Sober Gordon knew his brother was far too much of a gentleman to do such a crude thing. Unfortunately, drunk Gordon regarded him as the biggest threat in the room. Thankfully, a familiar voice piped up over the comms before he could devise a plan to oust his supposed challenger.

"Hey guys!" John greeted, his tone peppier than it had been in months, "How are things planetside?"

Alan frowned, "Wait, are you saying that you're not planetside? Where are you?"

"Back up in Thunderbird Five," John replied, the smile in his voice evident, "I just nipped up to do a quick systems check. Everything looks to be in working order, so I should be back down again in an hour or so."

Gordon's expression was alarmingly similar to that of Grandma when she discovered an empty toilet roll holder.

"An hour?" Alan squawked, "I thought you said you were going to fuse yourself to the floor of the gravity ring as soon as you got back up there?"

"Someone needs to fetch Celery in the morning," John replied coolly, "You'll all be hungover and sleep-deprived, so I'll come back and grab her before we're billed for another day of board at the kennels. They'll release her to me if I show that I live at the same address as Gordon. I'm in orbit above you right now actually, so you might see me if you look up."

Gordon and Alan craned their necks to peer up at the clear, star-studded sky. A couple of shooting stars caught Alan's attention enough for him to enthusiastically point them out.

"Sorry, that's me ejecting Grandma's cooking out the hatch," John apologised, ignoring Gordon's snort of laughter, "I usually fire whatever she sends me into the sun, but EOS wants to time how long the latest batch of Meatloaf Surprise will take to burn up on atmospheric re-entry. She said she felt threatened by it."

"Speaking of threatened," Alan muttered, giving Gordon the side-eye, "What's the matter, bro? You jealous?"

Gordon scoffed in dismissal, but seemed unable to tear his eyes away from the gently swaying forms of Scott and Kayo and Virgil and Penelope.

"Want me to call Havoc?" Alan asked, utterly blasé to the bleeding heart inside his brother's chest, "I'm sure she'd be up for a dance, so long as you paid her in spit."

A moment of silence.

"This sucks worse than a squid's testicles."

-x-

Thirty minutes and two pina coladas later, and things weren't looking up for the Terrible Two.

John had signed off after announcing that he'd have better luck holding an intelligent conversation with the bagel machine aboard Thunderbird Five than with them. Deprived of their brother's sober input, Gordon and Alan had been forced to sit and watch their brothers indulge in dance after dance with the two women they liked.

Gordon, though not drunk per se, was having a hard time stifling the tipsy hiccups that were forcing their way out, while Alan looked torn between laughing and crying. All was going reasonably well, until Kayo parked a kiss on Scott's cheek. Within the confines of Gordon's alcohol-addled brain, Penelope and Virgil were surely next. And Celery Crunch Bars be damned if he was going to let that happen.

"Screw this. Screw everything."

Alan barely had time to process what was happening before Gordon hooked a hand under his bicep, yanked him to his feet, and dragged him out onto the dancefloor like an owner bullying a reluctant dog into a walk.

"Wassgoin' on?" Alan mumbled, "Gordo? What are we doing?"

Gordon didn't answer straight away, his attention focussed on locating a suitable spot on the dancefloor that was equidistance between Scott and Virgil. Once satisfied that he had an uninterrupted view of both parties, he snaked an arm around Alan's waist and yanked him closer.

"Dance with me, lil' bro."

Alan blinked. He was no authority on dancing, as John would happily attest to, however had a decent sense of rhythm. Plus, he was feeling more than a little resentful towards Scott. Did his feelings simply not matter to him anymore, or was he too busy drowning in the green depths of Kayo's eyes to notice anything else?

Kayo parking yet another kiss on Scott's cheek, this time in Alan's sightline, was the final nail in the coffin. With an invisible salute, he unclipped the leash on his rum-induced carefree machoism and seized Gordon's outstretched hand, wordlessly accepting his brother's invitation. In perfect unison, they began to tango and waltz every other couple within a ten foot radius to shame, including the traitorous Scott and Virgil. A few eyebrows quirked at the sight of the two brothers spinning each other across the dancefloor. Alan in particular was blissfully unaware of the attention he and Gordon were attracting, choosing instead to lose himself in a dramatic dip that wouldn't have looked out of place in an ice-skating competition.

Kayo and Penelope shared a look of unease. Kayo herself had seen this kind of behaviour before, albeit with sugar as the culprit instead of alcohol. Years of experience silently warned her that this impromptu ballroom dancing display could only end one way. Badly.

As usual, she wasn't wrong.

After nearly barrelling into Grandma and Kip in what could only be described as a fairly advanced state of inebriation, Gordon seized Alan by his shirt collar and yanked him in for a quick bit of lip action, realising half a second too late that the blond head in front of him didn't belong to Penelope. Thankfully, his aim was wonky and an innocent peck on the nose was the only consequence.

"Whoa, I don't think so!" Scott roared, shoving Kayo to the side and seizing Gordon and Alan by the scruffs of their necks, "Whatever game you're playing, shut it down right now!"

Gordon blinked sluggishly and glanced benignly at his apocalyptic brother. Alan began to wilt as the adrenalin he'd acquired from dancing began to buckle under the weight of the alcohol pumping through his system.

Kayo and Penelope glanced uncertainly at the remaining guests, all of whom were rooted to the spot in silent amazement at what they'd just witnessed. Aware of the media backlash they'd no doubt face in the morning and the uncomfortable sensation of too many eyes upon him, Scott tightened his grip on his brothers and frogmarched them towards the exit, the silent promise of a lethal tongue-lashing etched into every furious line on his face.

Somewhere in the background, the unwelcome voice of Deadeye Dora 'Dotty' Parsons piped up.

"Oh my goodness, it's true!"