Chapter 3

AN: Hey everyone! I am working on my 'From Academy to ANBU' and some of the scenes are difficult to work with. I can generally pull passable comedy out of thin air (examples being most of ANBU's Mascot) so I thought 'why not write something fun' and then remembered that 'Kakashi's Mini-me' has many fans. It makes me happy that you guys like it so much. Anyways, onto the chapter!

ANBU Headquarters, security room…

Dozens of ANBU, on and off duty, crowd around the screens covering the bathrooms their old sempai and the orange menace were cleaning. A flamingo masked ANBU had a smug air to himself as the 'orange menace' was forced to be the corps' janitor.

"Hmm, this will teach him to booby trap the showers." Flamingo muttered darkly. A wolf masked ANBU turned towards him, slinging his arm over Flamingo's neck, giving him a noogie.

"Oh come on, cousin! The little chibi is a genius! I gotta say though, my favorite exploit of his was when he dyed Hiashi-sama's toothpaste pink and it ended up tinting his lips too. Priceless, I tell ya!" Wolf wiped his mask where an eye hole would be to signify laughing. Flamingo sighed deeply.

"Hikaru, I truly wonder how we are from the same clan." Flamingo said, shaking his head forlornly. Other ANBU sniggered.

"Look, the Uchiha brat is gonna die!" One ANBU proclaimed, calling the attention to what could become the final moments of one Sasuke Uchiha…

Moments before, with Naruto and Team Seven….

Naruto had to admit, the mask Kakashi-sensei made him wear really worked- he could barely smell the bathroom, even with his advanced senses!

"Man, I bet these ANBU guys are complete losers at aim- they can't even hit the toilet!" 'Naruto' said cheekily while wiping up the sides of the toilets. Kakashi couldn't help but snort.

"Clone Naruto, don't you think you're a bit hypocrital? I've seen your apartment and bathroom." The jonin said lazily while turning a page in his riveting novel. Another clone walked by with cleaning solution for the mirrors, this time henged into Sakura.

"You went to my apartment bathroom?! Chaa." The clone dropped the supplies and aimed a sucker punch at the silver haired jonin, who easily dodged with an eye smile.

"Maa, maa, Clone Sakruto, no need to be so violent; good work on mimicking your teammate though" he complimented.

"Kakashi-sensei, please stop riling up the fake me that Naruto-baka made" The real Sakura scolded flippantly from a perch on top of the clean sinks. She was tearing her way through the second 'Icha Icha' volume with gusto. The real Naruto sat cross legged on another sink, still absorbed in the first volume. Kakashi couldn't be prouder that the two converts to Icha Icha were taking the process of enjoyment in the series seriously.

Nearby Sasuke grunted while scrubbing the base boards and showers clean of mold. Kakashi turned his lazy eye to his most stubborn student.

"Maa, Sasuke, if you wish to come enjoy God's gift to man with us, I'm sure Naruto would make you a clone."

Sasuke stiffened. He refused to be sucked into that vulgar habit, even if he had to scrub every bathroom with his bare Uchiha hands!

"Hn, like I would read that sorry excuse for a story." The Uchiha defended. Kakashi gave a long suffering sigh.

Naruto, however, remembered that his sensei believed in team bonding. So, without looking up from his book the Uzumaki went over to his brooding teammate. When he reached the older boy he brought out an extra copy of Icha Icha that Kakashi-sensei had given him for converting others. Sticking it out gruffly to his rival, Naruto offered an olive branch.

"Come on…Sasuke. Read with us. At least try it." What happenend next would mark Sasuke Uchiha as the dumbest human to grace the planet in the ANBU's eyes.

…Sasuke was momentarily startled by the gesture and lack of insulting nickname but quickly saw red. Snatching the orange book from the masked blonde the Uchiha smirked while holding it up near a toilet.

"Hn. Trash." Sasuke spoke before ripping the book in half and dunking it into the toilet…

Before promptly peeing his pants as massive killing intent was suddenly aimed at his location, all emanating from his supposed sensei.

"Sasuke-chan," Kakashi spoke with a sickly sweet accent, "that wasn't very nice or honorable of you, was it? What do you have to say for yourself?"

Sasuke gulped as the form of Kakashi Hatake loomed over him.

"H-hn" The boy grunted defiantly despite his instincts screaming at him to apologize.

"Maa, wrong answer." Was Kakashi's curt reply as his knuckles cracked louder than a clap of thunder.

Naruto and Sakura glanced at Sasuke in a mixture of pity, concern, and anger. Naruto himself couldn't believe his old classmate was that stupid while Sakura found she couldn't defend him; she herself was rooted firmly in place by the dark aura from their sensei and her voice died in her throat. 'Sorry, Sasuke-kun; you're on your own. But, you're an Uchiha, you'll be totally fine, right?'

Next day, training ground seven, four am…

"Faster, Sasuke-chan! If you can't recite these passages by memory by the time the sun rises, I'll be forced to ask Naruto for some clones so you can role play the parts; teaching manuals do always stress the importance of learning by doing, after all." A perky Kakashi perched upside down on a branch above the black haired genin's head, who was currently wishing Itachi had murdered him all those years ago. Taking a deep breath, he tried reading the script once again.

"…Ruraiya stood atop his noble steed toad, Jamabunta, sword in hand. Msunade sighed happily as her noble knight whispered promises of t-taking h-her flower a-a-and cupping her beautiful c-cups of pleasure. S-she promised her knight to t-take his m-master sword in her hole of- I CAN'T DO IT!" Sasuke Uchiha, emo incarnate, wailed to the sky. Kakashi hummed above him.

"Well, I could let you stop reading it out loud in attempts to memorize it…" Sasuke whipped his blood shot, sleep deprived eyes to meet his sadist of a sensei.

"What is it?! I'll do anything."

"Maa, anything? Excellent." Giggling darkly at his student Kakashi realized that having genin were worth it, if only for moments like these.

Meanwhile, Tenzo took copious notes from a safe distance away.

'Sempai, what caused you to go off the deep end?'

Team Seven's meeting spot, three hours after designated meeting time…

Naruto landed a tad awkwardly as he was in the final chapter of volume one finally. Kakashi-sensei had spent the last three hours drilling taijutsu stances while a single clone read the history book he was supposed to have read his second year. Now though, with a mask to cover the nose bleed, Naruto was enjoying Ruraiya's heroic rescue of the princess. Barely glancing up he intended to give a passing hello when his eyes caught it.

Sasuke. His horrible teammate…reading Icha Icha willingly.

"Maa, sorry we're late, but you see…Naruto was kidnapped by a flamboyant Hyuga who wanted to pull a prank with him and I had to track them down." Kakashi's lazy drawl stopped any questions. Sakura's eye twitched.

"Yeah right. All Hyuga's are the picture of stuffiness."

"Hmm, it's not nice to stereotype…or imply that I would ever lie to my cute little genin." The pink haired genin held up a fist threateningly and the cyclops sweat dropped at how violent she really was. "Accusations aside, to the tower!"

Hokage tower, minutes later…

Hiruzen's eye brow twitched violently. Now there wasn't just his best jonin, grandson like figure, and top Kunoichi blatently ignoring him for smut, but the 'last' loyal Uchiha as well. Granted, the Uchiha managed an 'I don't give a damn' look without the orange covered book, but some how a novel in his face just pushed Hiruzen's buttons the wrong way.

'It's spreading like a virus!' Hiruzen Sarutobi thought. The aged leader loved his student's work but wouldn't stoop so low as to read it in public. No sane person would.

Apparently no one on team seven was sane.

"Team seven" he sighed in resignation. "You are to babysit councilman Homura's grandchildren. Please don't read that in front of them. Dismissed" Sarutobi finished with a flippant wave. He had more important things to worry about then petty things such as sanity in his ranks, like paperwork.

'I did not just think that, did I?' The Hokage realized in horror.

One week later, after training…

Naruto walked along side his sensei towards a secluded training ground, curious about this 'alien' he kept hearing about. His muscles burned from running up a tree all day.

Team seven had begun basic formation drills and a chakra control exercise after Sasuke finally began on his journey of Icha Icha. Naruto still had extra instruction though, but his sensei had informed him that now that team bonding could happen, instruction could commence.

"YOSH! MY ETERNAL RIVAL!" The most horrifying noise ever to assault Naruto's ears shouted. Then, he saw IT.

The green.

The eye brows.

It was the alien.

With a fearful glance the blonde was horrified that his sensei just remained calm through it all.

'He is truly a master' The genin thought reverently.

Meanwhile, Kakashi preened at his apprentice's starry eyed look.

'Oh yes, I'm awesome.'

End! So, how was this? A few things:
1. Still, no Naruto and Sakura…or Ino, Hinata, or older women. I hate those pairings, lol, and y'all do too so don't worry. I am considering Yakumo (my currently favorite girl), Samui, or perhaps Temari? Honestly, right now I am not sure how much romance this fic will see.

2. How did you like the little 'Flamingo and Wolf' dialogue? Most of you should know where those two come from. And no, Hikaru will probably not be in much of this fic, but I just saw a perfect open for a tiny part and had to take it.

3. A Naruto and Lee challenge next time! I wonder what it will be? Any suggestions? I have several in mind, but a particularly funny or origional one from y'all could replace it.

4. Naruto will be summoning…something (wink). Not only did I get a ton of reviews with preferences, but legit twenty pm's over it. So, it has been decided.

So, that's it. I'm super busy so I can't update a lot but I am happy that so many people like what I do have so far. In the time between my next update, go read 'Seals are easy, people are hard' for an amusing read- it's one of my favorites now and the author is so creative. Have a FANTASTIC week!