Chapter 8
AN: Hey my adorable readers! Riku here and ready to bring y'all more giggles and kicks. Exams have ended so I'm getting back into writing. My apologies if I haven't answered your reviews for the story lately, I've just been busy, but I do read them. Promise!
*For you fans of comedy, my other story, 'ANBU's Mascot', is about to get its final chapter, so feel free to go give the story a read and tell me what you think.
Note: Never have I ever owned Naruto. If I did I'd make the moon country movie cannon.
Previously on Kakashi's Mini- Me…
"Hmm, what's this?" He mused aloud when it opened to a dark passageway before shrugging and doing what any preteen boy would do in a shinobi village; he entered it with zero regard for safety.
Twenty minutes of scurrying later, Naruto was having a blast peeking into the weird rooms that scattered the corridors, though he made a mental note to not go back to the one with severed heads on spikes.
"Hehe those losers will never find me now!" The Jinchuuriki boasted in the spirit of adventure only to turn a corner and crash into something solid. Gathering his bearings, the genin blinked and let his eyes go upwards.
And thus, Konoha's Jinchuuriki staring a confused Danzo Shimura in the eye.
'Something tells me I'm not supposed to be here.' The boy thought with trepidation.
In ROOT's Passageways, with Naruto…
Naruto looked up at the weird bandaged guy in slight confusion, feeling a chill run up his spine. For some reason the man in front of him screamed 'I hate Ramen!'
"Say, Mummy man, do you like ramen?" Naruto asked, tilting his head.
Back with Iruka (and poor, poor Deer) …
Konoha's resident 'Orange- menace tracker' was looking in horror at the blonde and white speckled haired masses. All five hundred or so cackling genin were goading Iruka with 'Ne, Iruka- sensei, which one of us is the real one' and other such immature drabble. The chunin ignored them all however, and smirked.
"None of you." He said confidently. Every single ANBU in the vicinity stiffened at the implication. "Now, all of you dispel or I'll make the real you help out in Konohamaru's class for a MONTH!"
The air hung heavy as the clones contemplated that, then as one they all went poof. Deer mechanically turned to his senpai.
"Se- senpai… if you ever want a pay raise, ANBU has a spot for you." Deer promised. Iruka chuckled nervously and rubbed the back of his head.
"Heh, I'm happy where I am, but thank you; now it's time to find my knuckle headed student." Iruka pulled a small tuning fork from his vest and ANBU surrounded the man. "Now," he says while making the ram seal, "Academy super secrete jutsu: trouble maker tracker!"
The fork began to glow and pulled Iruka in the direction of run- down portion of the village. Like puppies who's mother held a treat, the ANBU dutifully followed their chunin comrade, one thought shared amongst them.
'I will bribe this God amongst men for that jutsu!'
Back to Danzo and Naruto…
Danzo Shimura, the darkness of shinobi and most dangerous man in the shadows, blinked back surprise. It wasn't often someone could make him do a double take, but the resident Jinchuuriki had done it twice. However, Danzo never looked a gift horse in the mouth, and dredged up from his memory everything his agents told him about the brat. Putting on a kind smile, Danzo looked his future weapon in the eye.
"Why of course, young shinobi; only a monster would hate ramen." Only Danzo's shinobi training kept him from gagging; truthfully the ROOT leader abhorred the dish; his late wife had made it every night and the woman was a rather… unique culinary artist. Never had someone burned water. When the Jinchuuriki brightened in happiness, Danzo knew he had done the right thing. It was now just a simple case of kidnapping the boy. All for the good of Konoha, of course.
"Well then you're clearly not evil!" The boy declared in absolute certainty.
Danzo raised an eye brow when Naruto grimaced right after smiling. "Is something the matter, Uzumaki?"
"No.. well Iruka- sensei just made every single one of my clones dispel." He admitted sheepishly while rubbing his forehead, slightly dizzy. He never noticed Danzo's eye sharpen slightly.
"How would you like to learn a jutsu?" Danzo stuck the carrot out there. Unsurprisingly it worked like a charm with the chunin.
"YATTA! WOULD I EVER! YOU'RE THE BEST MUMMY- SAN" Naruto yelled in happiness. To Danzo's horror there seemed to be stars in the boy's eyes.
'Funny, I wasn't aware he could cast genjutsu… wait, why can't Shisui's eye expel it?' The ROOT leader was highly disturbed, but took control of the situation quickly.
"First off, you must follow some rules."
"Anything!" Naruto promised while he followed Danzo through the halls.
"Rule number one: you will only address me as 'Danzo- sama' while I am instructing you."
"Right, Danzo- sama!"
"Second, you will listen to everything I say, when I say it."
"Uh huh" The blonde had pulled out the 'Icha- Icha' novel he had been reading, ignoring the slight sparks that came off the pages due to the ordeal it had went through. Growing a twitch from the clear disrespect, Danzo snatched the book away.
"Our first order of business is to rid you of your bad habits, particularly the ones that failure of a Hatake has instilled upon you." With a harsh glare Danzo snapped his fingers and the offending book burst into flames.
And that's when the halls filled with a torrent of red chakra…
Naruto's eyes were shadowed by his bangs but the cloak spoke of his feelings perfectly.
"You… you mock my sensei, and then you dare to burn the first gift anyone has given me in person… I'll… I'll…. I'LL KILL YOU!" By the end Naruto's voice had become demonic and he rushed Danzo's still form with out stretched, clawed hands. With surprising speed augmented by Kyubi's chakra and accuracy from Kakashi's training, Naruto aimed at the throat. Danzo dodged backwards with great limberness not befitting his years and made a single hand sign.
"You will cease this immediately." The war hawk commanded. Tree branches that oozed Hashirama cells ensnared the berserk Jinchuuriki and multiple ROOT agents created a semi- circle around the blond. One walked up and knocked the boy out with the blunt end of a kunai. "Please tell me our chakra barriers are still up" Danzo said. The one with the kunai nodded.
"Of course, Danzo- sama."
"…Excellent. Fuu, take the weapon to a cell and then prepare a rumor of Orochimaru kidnapping it; that upstart was always too bitter about Minato so him snatching his son is entirely plausible."
"Hai, Danzo- sama" The ROOT ANBU bowed and followed their orders to perfection.
"Soon. Soon, I will have a perfectly obedient weapon to destroy Hiruzen with and protect Konoha." Danzo chuckled. "It seems karma is finally paying me back for how wonderful I am." With that ego boost he ambled down the hall and prepared for the endless council meetings this would cause.
Inside the seal…
Kurama was not happy with today; not only was he rudely awoken by his inane container defying every law of nature Kurama held dear (and strengthened the seal) but then managed to yank his chakra away from him. Then, to top it off, Kurama was subjected to that thrice dammed 'wood style' that Hashirama- teme captured him with. Now his container was sitting in front of him with a tilted head, looking extremely confused.
It was clearly not the fox's day.
"Hey, you're the kyubi, aren't you?" The blonde brat asked. Kurama's eye twitched.
'No, I'm a fluffy eleven eared rabbit; OF COURSE I'M THE KYUBI NO KITSUNE YOU INGRANE!' Kurama roared and beat his head into the bars. It seemed he was fated to be stuck with someone who was half blind or all stupid; Kurama didn't know yet which one his container fit into.
"Oh… well where are we and how do I get out so I can beat that basterd up for insulting Kakashi- sensei?" Naruto asked.
'…'
"Huff, if you're not going to tell me I'll make you." And with that, Naruto walked through the bars and jumped on Kurama's nose.
Kurama sputtered at the sheer audacity of the brat but was too shocked to move. Nobody, not even Hashirama- teme, dared to get on his nose when he wasn't restrained.
"Well? Where am I? And my name's Naruto? What's yours?"
'Grr, why would I care what your name is?! Much less tell you mine." Slitted red eyes met sparkling blue. Naruto shrugged.
"Well the book on manners that Kakashi- sensei made me read said to give your name before asking for some one else's. And I don't think calling you 'Fuzzy Butty' is a good idea." Naruto said with a grin behind the face mask. Kurama couldn't help it; he face faulted.
'… We're in your seal obviously; you got us captured by that man with one eye. Currently they are placing chakra suppression seals on your body.'
"…Oh… well how do I get out of here?!" Naruto asked frantically. Kurama rolled his eyes.
'Just focus on leaving.'
"Okay! Thanks Fuzzy Butty!" Naruto exclaimed and casually jumped off the large fox.
'DON'T YOU DARE CALL ME, THE GREAT KURAMA, 'FUZZY BUTTY! I WILL END YOU! I WILL FLAY YOUR FLESH AND BURN YOUR PATHETIC VILLAGE TO THE GROUND; I WILL'
"So your name's Kurama? Cool, later Kurama, I'll come visit soon!" With a final wave Naruto disappeared and Kurama realized he'd been tricked. By a thirteen year old. Who couldn't even control a chakra element yet.
'CURSE YOU NARUTO UZUMAKI!' Here the fox paused before adding, 'AND YOU TOO MINATO.'
Naruto sniggered when he woke up in the damp cell alone, glad Kakashi- sensei's lessons on 'pissing your opponent off into doing what you want' paid off; he couldn't wait to tell his sensei about it over ramen!
But first, how to get out of here? The room was full of chakra suppressing seals (as was he, according to Kurama) and he was wrapped in a straight jacket.
'Heh, too bad, suckers, but Kakashi- sensei taught us all how to get out of such petty restraints'. Naruto remembered that day rather fondly, as it was the first time Sasuke lost in a fair contest with him.
Flashback! Several days before in the forest…
"I just spread some bear hormones on all of you. I'd say you have an hour tops before a lonely bear comes looking for love; you have until then to escape" Kakashi remarked viciously and used a shunshin to leave. Sakura turned to her team mates.
"Naruto… Sasuke- kun… we have to get out of here." Stiff nods from the males were her answer.
"How though? Kakashi took away our chakra and weapons and we're in shinobi grade straight jackets" Sasuke pointed out.
The three struggled uselessly for an hour before a bear lumbered by. He sniffed the air, and hearts formed. Turning to the source of such a sexy scent the bear roared and began walking like a stud straight towards Sasuke.
'Hey there miss sexy; I'm the best grizzly out here, why not join me in my cave?' The bear asked, not that any of the genin could understand and then gave the broody genin a slobbery kiss.
Naruto, motivated to not be noticed (and making his move while Sasuke was paralyzed) he discovered the secrets to the bonds. Like a good teammate, he freed Sakura and Sasuke.
And like a 'hip and cool' shinobi he took black mail pictures first.
Back to the present…
Naruto smirked at the beautiful memory and applied the skills that no jonin instructor would teach their genin (well, most jonin didn't know how to escape this trap themselves). Within five minutes Naruto was free and tried to door.
And sweat dropped when he discovered it wasn't locked.
'Do people really underestimate me this much?' He pouted while ignoring the fact it was his stupidity that got him in the current mess to begin with. With the infiltration skills Kakashi drilled into him Naruto began navigating the dank tunnels in hopes of getting back to the surface.
'Okay, escape psycho mummy man, find Kakashi- sensei, avoid the ANBU- temes who want to stick needles in me, and then kick psycho mummy's tail for making fun of Kakashi- sensei.' Naruto thought while running.
Entrance to ROOT…
Iruka, a dozen ANBU, and Hiruzen who had joined 'for the field demonstration of Iruka's fascinating jutsu' stared at the corridors underneath an abandoned ramen shop. Flamingo activated his Byakugan on instinct and gasped.
"H- Hokage- sama, my Byakugan is blocked from seeing down here." The ANBU reported. Hiruzen went into Hokage mode in an instant, recognizing the structure as one of Danzo's old ROOT bases.
"ANBU! We are going down into a very foolish- yet powerful- man's base of operation. One I thought was at least under my control. Follow me and prepare to fight to protect Naruto- kun; Iruka stay…" A cloud of dust was left where Iruka stood only moments ago as the man charged with abandon into the underground tunnels. "Here." Hiruzen finished in annoyance. With a sigh he had ANBU follow them as he summoned a bo staff in preparation. Despite the fact Danzo deserved every last drop of Iruka's ire, Hiruzen sent a quick prayer for the old fool.
With Iruka, minutes later…
Iruka ran like the Kunoichi of hell were on him, knowing Naruto was nearby judging by the way the tuning fork was vibrating. Turning a sharp corner he found his wayward student who looked rather lost.
"Naruto!" He exclaimed and engulfed the genin in a bone crushing hug.
"I- Iruka- sensei, what are you doing here? How'd you even find me?" Naruto asked through gasps of air. Iruka discretely hid his device into his flack jacket and began berating the boy.
"You idiot! What were you thinking, running from ANBU, hiding in a bunker?! And, not to mention, letting yourself get struck by lightning!" Naruto gulped.
"Well you see, sensei,"
"Nuh- uh, we're going to the hospital right now for a full check- up; Kakashi better have a good explanation for this." Iruka started dragging Naruto by the ear. All the ANBU were slack jawed and Deer whistled when the duo passed.
"NO! I REFUSE! First that mummy man Danzo tries to lock me up and now you want to take me to that horror house!" The blonde dug his heels in and glared at his teacher in defiance. He hated those check- ups; they gave him shots, made him feel like he was going to die, and he could never remember half of the visit. Due to this, Naruto Uzumaki was sure of one thing: hospitals were bad.
Iruka- and the ANBU- were about to force him when Hiruzen spoke.
"Naruto- kun" he said kindly. Naruto turned with tears in his eyes.
"Hokage- jiji".
"If you go willingly, I will give your team a C- rank… outside the village… and take you out for ramen." The last part caused internal turmoil but the aged leader figured Kakashi could foot the bill.
Suddenly it was Iruka being yanked towards the exit as the blonde suddenly knew exactly how to get outside.
"Hokage- sama?" Flamingo asked his leader.
"I know, Flamingo; keep going forward. Naruto confirmed it, I have a former friend to flay."
Next day, gates of Konoha…
"Yatta! Another mission!" Naruto cheered only to sober up slightly at Kakashi's reminder of 'hip and cool shinobi don't say yatta'.
"Ma, ma, calm down. Our mission is to deliver this" Kakashi holds up a scroll with an official Hokage seal, "To our spy master in the land of lightning. It's not time sensitive so we will be training on the way. Now, let's go before Iruka finds me- I mean notices Naruto left the hospital."
With happy smiles from all at the information of a mission and training, team seven set off, Kakashi resisting the urge to look behind him, knowing it would somehow summon that demon.
Oh, how Kakashi regretted underestimating his opponent for Naruto's 'favorite sensei'. No matter, Kakashi would return stronger and ready to smite the blight that was Iruka Umino. It was his new nindo. Amongst his thoughts was a dark chuckle at Danzo Shimura's current… predicament. Tenzo had promised to save him a private session with the basterd that attempted to steal his precious apprentice.
Some days, it was good to be a jonin.
End! I hope you enjoyed this, please let me know what you think. Next chapter will have some more fluff, serious moments, and hilarity. How did you like Kurama's part?
P.S I wrote most of this at a graduation gig during our breaks so yay me! See, I care about all of y'all.