Chapter 1

AN: Heyo my peeps, Riku is back! I've been writing a story for 'My Hero Academia' on AO3 lately, called 'Kitten Quirk Freeloading', which is why I haven't update much. Anyways, here is another fun chapter for KMM.

With Naruto, moments after Killer B showed up…

Naruto had the distinct feeling that he should run, especially since he could hear Kurama screaming for him to do just that.

If a giant, egoistical fox demanded him turn tail and run, who was Naruto to argue?

"Kakashi-sensei?" He muttered. Kakashi glanced at his apprentice to be and gave a reassuring eye smile so false even Naruto noticed.

"Yo! Don't ignore the Killer B, or I'll turn you into diced meat. Fool, ya fool!"

"Maa, sorry. We're just passing through, nothing to be worried about." Kakashi tried to tell the infamous 'Guardian of Kumo'. The man, while appearing goofy, was not stupid.

"Sure. Then why is Mister nine looking mighty fine, wrecking havoc and causing a racket?" B countered. At this point Jiraiya butted in.

"The Akatsuki started it!" The Sannin pointed out.

"This Akatsuki… who are they? We haven't been able to gather who they are besides the cloaks."

"Let us go if we tell you?" Jiraiya bargained.

"Maybe. Tell me your information before I go all Commander Bad ass-mation!" B reasoned.

"Deal!" Was Jiraiya's chipper reply.

Kakashi resisted a face palm as the next fifteen minutes destroyed any hint of respect in Jiraiya beyond his books.

"So, we told you everything about this Akatsuki." Kakashi ventured once the explanation was over and B was unusually silent.

"Hmm… I'll let you fools go, ya fools! But!" Kakashi cringed mentally at that last part. "As number eight, I have an obligation you see." B said, no hint of a rhyme in his stony features.

"An… obligation?" Jiraiya questioned.

"Yes. Mister nine is young but looks strong. I want a Jinchuuriki battle! Jinchuuriki verses Jinchuuriki! Finally, the eight will overtake the nine in time." Lightning seemed to go off in the background (something the copy nin took a minute to admire) and Kakashi was about to protest and make a break for it with his still unconscious students and giddy looking apprentice to be.

"Sure! I'll beat you. To first blood?" He asked mischievously. Both Kakashi and Jiraiya blanched.

"Naruto! You're no match for him. You can't even summon its chakra; how do you expect to fight an experienced Jinchuuriki?!"

"Maa, you say something, sensei?" Naruto snarked back and Kakashi was white as a sheet.

His precious student… was literally asking to die. Kakashi wanted to say something more but B started rapping again.

"One to one we will fight! Count to three and I'll be right!"

"I have no idea what that means but sure." Naruto said with great cheer.

"One!" The two said in unison. Jiraiya had a toad summoned that took Sakura and Sasuke away, still unconscious.

"Two!" Both Jiraiya and Kakashi had jutsu formed.

"Three/ Harem Icha Icha Yuri Jutsu!" Was the twin calls. Kakashi saw a heavenly sight before blood loss claimed him. Idly, he noticed Jiraiya and Killer B going down with him like true men.

Naruto looked down at his 'opponent' in slight disappointment. Sure, his new variation of the Harem Jutsu was amazing, but to see three very strong shinobi go down was… disappointing to say the least. With a sigh, Naruto summoned a bunch of clones to help carry his sensei and weird old man to safety, sparing a glance at the other 'Jinchuuriki' and giving the unconscious man a fist bump at Kurama's request.

Meanwhile, in the seal…

Kurama was on the ground of his cage, laughing harder than the time Shukaku was talked into wearing a dress by a human orphan the crazy Tanuki decided to raise. Apparently Shukaku would only let the brat call him 'mother' as there could only be one 'father'. Thus, the little girl made him a dress, much to the other Bijus' amusement.

Come to think of it, Kurama thinks that was the moment Shukaku finally snapped.

Putting those thoughts aside, Kurama popped into the linked mindscape he had Naruto create with the fist bump (not that the blonde had any idea it now existed) just long enough to mock his less powerful brother about his failure of a Jinchuuriki.

'Maybe having this one for a host isn't so bad… nah. He associates with those foxes, he has to die. Grr, curse you Minato and your seal.' Kurama mused before finally settling down for another nap. Imaginary Madaras don't impale themselves, after all.

Back outside the seal, one hour later…

The masked blonde stared at his still slightly sensei, completely ignoring the white haired old man who asked him to use the jutsu again.

"Neh, Kakashi- sensei?" Naruto asked after his teacher was silent following the explanation and gave his sensei a drink of water.

"…Yes, Naruto? Any other laws of nature you wish to break?" Kakashi growled. It's not that he wasn't proud of his student for beating his opponent through underhanded tactics; he was, as it was so shinobi like it hurt Kakashi inside by its genius.

It's the fact that it took him out as well. If anyone ever found out about Kakashi's defeat using a henge that wasn't even directed at him, he'd be doomed.

So, how to handle this? Normally, when one did something that could potentially ruin Kakashi's hip and cool pervert vibe, a Chidori to the chest was a brilliant method to deal with the problem.

But doing that to his future apprentice and village Jinchuuriki (not to mention his sensei's kid) was…un ethical. Ethics meant nothing to a shinobi, but appearances were important and killing his student was a no go.

But the boy still blabbed. A lot. He'd no doubt try to tell his teammates or worse the Hokage and Kakashi's reputation would be shot.

"So, sensei, what you going to give me not to tell anyone that you fell to my best jutsu?" Naruto asked with a shit eating grin. That made Kakashi pale. The brat knew his sensei's predicament and was using their tactics lessons to capitalize on it for his own betterment.

Kakashi Hatake was a proud father in that moment.

"…Don't tell anyone and I'll teach you"

"Nope!" Naruto cut him off. A shiver went down Kakashi's spine. "You see, there's a certain book series I've been reading. Sakura- chan mentioned there's a super expensive platinum edition of a certain 'Icha Icha Tactics' series. The same edition I saw at your apartment last week when we were learning more mask jutsu."

"NO!" Kakashi screamed. However, Naruto's hidden grin grew manic.

"Oh yes. I want them. All of them. Other wise I'm showing this picture to the entire village. Oh, and I have a spare copy hidden so no stealing!" A picture was flashed to the copy nin, of his knocked out form with four Yuri Naruko clones around him naked. The jonin had no idea when the boy took them but he was damn proud of his black mail material. Even if said blackmail material would have every Kunoichi after him.

Not to mention Iruka. Kakashi learned the hard way that anything involving Naruto made the man kage level and seeing Kakashi passed out with naked female versions of his student would no doubt make the chunin think he was a creep.

So, Kakashi did the only thing he could.

"Neh, Naruto… Jiraiya- sama here is the author of God's gift to men; give me all the copies of that picture, take a vow of silence, and I'll make him give you two copies of the silver edition." Kakashi bargained.

"DEAL!" Was the exuberant agreement. While the boy celebrated, Kakashi held a conversation via hands with Jiraiya who had been silent in favor of observing his godson.

'Do it… and don't try to steal him.' Kakashi signed in warning.

'Why? Afraid he'll like me more?' Jiraiya bit back. The masked jonin pushed down that very fear.

'No. But he's not ready for you.'

'I'm his godfather!' Jiraiya's hands moved in a blur, flustered.

'Who he doesn't know. I'm his sensei.'

"Hey, whatcha doing?" Naruto butted in before Kakashi and Jiraiya could come to blows.

"Maa, nothing, nothing. Introduce yourself to Jiraiya- sama." Before Naruto could speak, Jiraiya launched into a boisterous rendition of his normal introduction. By the end of it, the blonde genin was less than impressed.

"…Pervy sage." Was his immediate response. Kakashi grinned and eye smiled at the slack jawed white haired literary genius.

"Naruto, no need to be so… technical. Well Jiraiya- sama, we must be going. Konoha needs us back and all, just send those books through the mail. Ja ne!" Kakashi used a shunshin to take them away before the apprentice stealing basterd got over his shock.

In Fire Country…

Later, Naruto looked at his sensei in confusion while they hopped swiftly through the trees.

"Kakashi- sensei?" He asked. Kakashi didn't glance up from his orange book.

"Hmm, you say something?"

"Why do I feel like we forgot something?" That stopped the copy nin.

"Shit, Hokage- sama's going to kill me."

"Why?"

"… We left Sasuke and Sakura."

"We're screwed." Naruto said eloquently. His sensei's white complexion was the only verification he needed.

One week later, Konoha…

After turning around and running into an extremely irate Sakura and Sasuke escorted by a terrified Jiraiya (the man flinched every time Sakura smiled, worrying Kakashi to no end) team seven plus pervert made it back to the village in one piece. It was a time of great tribulations, where every moment Kakashi had to defend his Mini me project. No way was he letting Naruto become anything less than a hip and cool shinobi. If he had to see Jiraiya attempt to coax Naruto into signing the Toad contract one more time, the copy nin would destroy the scroll.

Now Kakashi was free… well as free as one could be when under the Hokage's gleeful gaze when Naruto reported in their private report (read: no ANBU or the other genin) about his new jutsu. To Kakashi's astonishment, his leader gave the boy a ramen coupon, had him add it to the forbidden scroll, and sent him on his way with the promise not to tell anyone else. After that, Jiraiya finished his report and left abruptly for research. At that point it was just the Hokage and Kakashi, who would never admit the man made him want to pee his pants.

"Now that we have that whole mess cleaned up, mind telling me why you tried to bribe my surrogate grandson to lie in his mission report?" The amused yet steely gaze somehow was more terrifying than the Kyubi.

"Uh…."

"As I thought. Now, a suitable punishment, besides the one of being added to the long list of Naruto's victims."

Kakashi felt, in that moment, that maybe a nuke nin life would be worth it. After all, what his leader said he would be doing for the next week was a fate worse than death.

That's when it hit him.

Naruto planned it all. He was sure of it. The boy got his payment already for the pictures and then sold him out to the Hokage for ramen. If Kakashi wasn't the victim, he would be so proud.

With Naruto at the ramen stand…

Meanwhile, Naruto Uzumaki had the distinct feeling that he was being praised for something he didn't do.

And his 'I forgot something important' senses were tingling. It took another five bowls of ramen before he finally remembered.

"Huh, I wasn't supposed to mention my new jutsu in the report, was I? Oh well, Hokage- jiji won't punish Kakashi- sensei, he's too nice." With that, the clueless genin resumed his gorge.

End! Next chapter: Kakashi's punishment, Danzo's rehabilitation, and enter: Gaara! Chunin exams are about to begin so get pumped for that! Couple of things:

I wrote most of this on a plane with a toddler singing the ABC's behind me non stop… so it's crazy. The other third I wrote at my friend's house after said long plane ride and day full of fun. So I'm sure this isn't the best chapter. I apologize, but I like how it turned out mostly.

There was going to be a rap battle… But neither me or my beta can rap well enough so this is what you got. Harem Icha Icha Yuri version. May God help Naruto's victims.

Jiraiya… the poor man will get to teach Naruto something! In fact, he already has secretly over the week, not that Kakashi knows yet (evil laugh).

The rest of the dogs are coming in, along with the foxes! They're helping Naruto with the exams. So look forward to that.

Finally, have a fantastic week, but I need sleep! I'll try to write ATA when I fly home in two days, but no promises. As always, reviews are appreciated.

-Riku