Chapter 12- Slight Academy Interlude!
AN: Update time for this story! Now, make sure to read the AN at the end for a suuuuper special announcement. Anyways, here we go!
Konoha Shinobi Academy…
Kakashi Hatake, killer of hundreds and dashingly handsome hero to his village, finally knew the true meaning of pain.
No, it wasn't seeing his father commit seppuku to redeem the Hatake honor. No, it wasn't seeing his teammates die one by one leaving his only friend a glorified stalker just wanting to beat him. And no, it wasn't even the various grave wounds he incurred across his illustrious career.
It was teaching flower arranging to aspiring kunoichi ages five to ten.
"Kakashi-sensei, do you like my arrangement? I made it for you!" Momo, an adorable child asked with a sweet smile. The jonin was about to return an eye smile as a thank you, and send her off to make more like the other brats.
Until he looked at the arrangement, and what the flowers meant. Anger. Resentment. Promises to hire someone 'take care of' the one gifted within seven days.
In other words a hit was put on him. But it's fine, right? Not like six year olds could do much damage. That's what he assured himself with even as his mind flashed to his own six year old self who completed fifteen assassinations. His most famous at the time was stabbing a Kumo jonin in the eye while the man slept, bypassing security.
Yeah… he's definitely upping his security seals… and surviving off prepackaged food.
Worst part? Little Momo-chan bounded off so happy, he couldn't bring himself to fault her. Perhaps she was being manipulated, Iruka certainly had enough motive to have him taken out.
"Sensei! How do I get the lightning to go all over again?!" A high pitched voice whined as chakra burst behind him. Ah yes, his adorable apprentice learning how to use child Kakashi's favorite jutsu: Electromagnetic Murder. A great way to stun- or kill- your opponent, but requires the ability to evenly disperse lightning chakra. Something his student was struggling with. It was day two of his hell, and five more days of watching these brats would kill him. He had barely a week before the exams, and somehow he was supposed to get Naruto ready for the test?!
And his other students, but they were content with clones and Pakkun. He was about to answer when his shinobi senses kicked in and Kakashi jumped into the nearest tree, avoiding the onslaught of tiny hands holding a variety of arrangements. The monsters didn't know tree walking so he was safe. But them staring at his masked face made Kakashi shiver; why must every kunoichi be so terrifying?
"Sensei this is for you!"
"Mine's the best!"
"No mine is- back off bubble face."
"BUBBLE FACE? Well at least my legs aren't thunder thighs!"
"Why you-"
It appeared the fourth war was about to start around his tree, and Kakashi had to stop it. Curse the Hokage and his devious mind for punishment.
"Maa, Naruto; take the brats- I mean students- to the south field for… uh… arranging a love bouquet!" Yes, they could go bother his apprentice to be and two other students, and let the jonin get quality reading time. Naruto looked up from his exercise confusedly.
"What?! But Hokage-jiji said you're supposed to teach them, not me!"
"Do it and we'll learn tracking techniques with Pakumi." And instantly twenty clones were made to cart off the she devils in training, despite their protests. "Ah, peace and quiet. Maybe I can survive like this for the next five days."
Oh, how his words came back to bite him.
South field, with Naruto…
When Naruto and clones dropped the children on the grass, protests started to rise. The blond looked everywhere for his teammates but they seemed to have disappeared, leaving him alone with children. And of course Sasuke had burned all the grass- not to mention flowers- in the field. Meaning the 'lesson' was pointless. If only he could just show the girls some jutsu or play ninja tag like with the Konohamaru corps.
Huh, maybe he could get these kids to call him 'boss' too?
"So flower arranging sounds stupid" He proclaimed boldly. Instantly protests arose.
"No YOU'RE STUPID!"
"Yeah, why does Konohamaru-kun think you're so 'amazing'? You can't even do that lightning jutsu and my mommy says that jutsu is easy!"
"Moegi-chan is stupid thinking you're so great."
"And where's the flowers!"
"HEY! SHUT UP!" Naruto shouted, losing his cool. Silence filled the air. "That's better. Instead of flower stuff, we're doing…" Here Naruto trailed off, noticing that none of them had their kunai pouches and the only jutsu they knew was the clone jutsu, something he wasn't going to help with. Naruto let his eyes wander, grinning when his eyes met the tree line. "Tree climbing!"
"...But we know how to climb trees." A girl Naruto remembered as Momo hesitantly stated.
"But can you do THIS?" And up Naruto ran the nearest tree without hands. Ten pairs of eyes widened with stars as he jumped back down.
"Woah! We could reach Kakashi-sensei this way!" The only Akimichi girl shouted.
"Yeah! And then confess our love!" A civilian kunoichi cooed.
"No he's mine." The Yamanake retorted. A ten way glaring contest that was freaking Naruto out ensued before they turned on him.
"Teach usss". They monotoned.
"Uhhh…." Now the genin was regretting his decision.
"And then we lift our paws in the air and give blessings to our great Kurama-sama." Kuro chanted. The fox summon sat in the middle of a circle, the kunoichi around him.
"Oh Kurama-sama" They chanted back.
"Yes, don't be afraid to raise your voices!" Kuro encouraged.
"Oh Kurama-samaaaa."
The chants continued. Naruto sat on a nearby branch, attempting to read, but the chanting gave him the heebie jeebies. He could feel his Bijuu shooting out wishes for death upon the fox, but at the same time the blond couldn't help it: he found it adorable.
After watching every girl get to the top of the tree within an hour, Naruto learned one important fact: never underestimate a kunoichi with a crush. The whole time they were fantasizing about his sensei saying they were the 'best' and accepting their flowers. It reminded him of his dear Sakura-chan with Sasuke, only more innocent and no desires for marriage.
But soon they all had it down, making the Jinchuuriki equal parts nervous and jealous. They still had two hours before the class ended and Naruto wasn't about to test his sensei's patience by bringing the girls back.
So, he called for backup... But tiny girls with puppies resulted in the traitors abandoning him in the first five minutes. Thankfully, Kuro was more than happy to help.
If only the fox wasn't teaching them to worship his Bijuu- not that they know it. The summon creature kept what 'Kurama-sama' was a secret…
"Repeat after me! Kurama-sama, we thank you for your bountiful favor!"
"Kurama-sama, we thank you for your bountiful favor!" The girls shouted back.
"Oh Kurama-sama! Our lives are thanks to you."
"Oh Kurama-sama! Our lives are thanks to you."
"When our hearts feel your claws impaling us, when your teeth bite our heads off, we know it's because we have truly earned your blessings!" Now that was just disturbing in Naruto's mind, but the kids still went on.
"When our hearts feel your claws impaling us, when your teeth bite our heads off, we know it's because we have truly earned your blessings!"
All the genin could do was pray to… Kurama-sama, since he seems to be a god-like figure?... that none of the girls tell their parents about this.
Soon, it was time to go, and Naruto used his brain for the first time to ensure he wasn't subjected to interrogation for attempting a coup. Nothing was supposed to be above the Hokage, not even 'Kurama-sama' after all.
"Oi! The 'Kurama fan club' is super top secret; don't tell anyone or you'll" Panick filled him, but Kuro saved him.
"You'll lose Kurama-sama's favor. The ambassador to our idol has spoken, vows of silence must be taken!"
Thank all that is Icha Icha in this world that his summon seemed to think he was to be listened to and saved the day.
"Okay Naruto-sama!" They corussed.
"That's Boss to you!" He cackled and gave an eye smile.
Back with Kakashi…
Kakashi sighed contently. The sun was starting to set, his clones popped after his two non apprentice genin learned their assigned parts, and no academy brats had bothered him.
"Hey Sensei!" A chirp behind jolted the jonin from his lazy reading. Gulping, Kakashi turned his head to see Momo smiling at him...in the tree.
With all ten girls at various levels, some hanging upside down by chakra. Naruto was giving him a sheepish eye smile with a snickering Kuro-teme on his shoulder.
"NA. RU. TO." He growled. His soon to be dead future apprentice gulped.
"M-maa, you say something sensei?"
"Girls, you may leave. Me and my… adorable student need to have a talk about what is appropriate babysitting behavior." And instantly Kakashi had used shunshin on the pair, stopping when they reached Training Ground Seven.
Shrieks filled the evening air.
Meanwhile, on the road to Konoha…
A certain red headed psycho could be seen walking towards his target, bloodlust making his team queasy. All but the boy wished to turn back, but they couldn't: Suna had to pass the exams, to destroy the leaf once and for all.
"Mother… soon. Soon you will have blood." Gaara rasped.
And finally: with Danzo!
"Please don't make me do this again, Danzo-kun; you know how I hate punishing you." Iruka chided in the dark of T and I.
"You'll never make me talk, boy! You hear me Sarutobi, I will fix Konoha from the shadows, I did what I had to. The roots will cleanse the tree." A one armed Danzo was so done with this shit. Stuck in here for days, all because Hiruzen couldn't handle him doing the best thing for Konoha.
"Heh, guess I have no choice. You brought this on yourself, if you'd just tell us how to deactivate the curse seals we could talk. Help us help you."
"Never." Danzo sneered. He resisted an eye roll as the upstart Ibiki- Fu was clearly better at interrogation- came in once more.
He just had to bide his time until the ROOTs not captured freed him. Then, he could make Konoha in his image.
End! This is… an interlude chapter? Well it's what I had planned, if not a tad sillier than original outlines. But! I enjoyed writing it. I wasn't going to add the Gaara portion after I noticed I had a full chapter, but figured the teaser was needed. For real this time, Gaara will be interacting with Naruto next chapter… and we get to see the summon dogs take on the Konoha corps! A couple of things:
1. I have started writing for My Hero Academia this summer! If you're a fan of the series, feel free to check them out and let me know what you think. They were originally posted on A03 so you could find them there as well.
2. We have… like 10 more chapters in this? About that much. So get ready for some faster paced hilarity as Kakashi keeps trying to balance being a loyal shinobi and protecting his investment...I mean apprentice.
3. WE HAVE A DISCORD! YYYYYAAAAAAAY
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As always, thanks to my beta, Dragon. He's amazing and if you join the discord you'll see how awesome of a person he is.
-Riku.