Chapter 22

Florrum

Padmé stared at Anakin, the sight of him thrilling her. How different he looked, though. His hair was longer than she'd ever seen it, going halfway down his back and braided in a style similar to the Weequay pirates. He wore clothing similar to theirs, the sleeves of his tunic cut off to reveal his heavily muscled arms. His gauntlet was gone, and his prosthetic was bare. He was much tanned, the dry desert heat of Florrum much like of Anakin's native Tatooine. She looked into his eyes, seeing at once that Hondo had said was true: he was angry.

"Anakin, it's…it's so wonderful to see you!" Padmé said, her emotions filling her. She approached him, hoping that his heart would be open to her; but the hardened expression in his eyes told her otherwise. Clearly, things had reached a critical point. Reconciliation would not be easy.

"What are you doing here, Padmé? Tell me you didn't bring my children here," he said.

Padmé shook her head, as Anakin's pirate buddies surrounded them, listening to their encounter openly.

"They are with my mother," she said. "And how can you ask me why I'm here? I needed to see you, Anakin. I love you!'

Al the pirates erupted in whistles and catcalls. Anakin gave them a dirty look.

"Come with me," Anakin said, taking her by the arm.

At this the pirates erupted.

"Go get 'er, mate!"

"Give it to her good!"

Anakin was certainly used to the pirates' bawdy sense of humour; but Padmé was not, and grew alarmed by the comments and laughter.

"Ignore them," Anakin told her as he led her out of the noisy bar. He led her to the kitchen, which was empty save a few droids since it was late at night.

"Aren't you happy to see me, Ani?" Padmé asked sadly. "It's been months!"

Anakin regarded her. "It has," he agreed. "But I don't think that answers my question. Maybe I should have asked why you wanted to see me."

Padmé frowned, and tears filled her eyes. "How can you ask me that?" she cried.

"How? I'll tell you how," Anakin began, willing himself not to be swayed by her tears. He had a lot to say to her, and had waited a long time to do so. He was determined not to let her manipulate him emotionally. "I have to wonder why you'd care if you ever saw me again given the shitty way you've treated me."

Padmé wiped her tears, seeing that this was not going to be easy. Anakin was angry, cynical, jaded even. "I know how you feel," she said. "I…

"Do you?" he interjected. "Give me a break, Padmé! How can you possibly know how I feel? I would never treat you the way you've treated me! I'd never have divorced you, least of all if your entire world was crumbling around you. I wouldn't tell you that I was afraid of you simply because you were trying to protect me! Remember Clovis? That's where all this started. You made me feel like a total asshole because of the way I reacted to seeing that piece of shit making a move on you in our home! And I was right about him all along! And then this – you divorce me when I'm literally fighting for my life, hiding and doing what I can to survive. How can you possibly know how I feel?"

"I'm sorry!" she cried, desperate to make him understand how much she regretted everything. "I'm so sorry, Anakin! I never meant to end our marriage, truly! I …I simply forgot that I'd started the process…"

"You forgot?" he cried. "How could you forget that you'd decided to end our marriage? How is that possible?"

"It was a crazy time for me too, Anakin," she said, trying to be calm. "After I started that motion, I found out I was pregnant, and then the Purges started. I was alone when Luke and Leia were born, not knowing if you were alive or dead…" she stopped to gather herself. "So yes, I forgot. I feel terrible, I feel stupid and irresponsible, but I regret it immensely. I came here to tell you all this, and see if there was enough left between us to start again. I'm starting to wonder if there it."

Her words stopped Anakin. "Start again? Is that what you want?"

"More than anything," she said. "I'm lost without you, Anakin. I'm not complete without you."

He considered her words. Part of him was happy that she felt this way, that she still wanted him. But there was another part of him that had reservations where Padmé was concerned. He remembered when she'd told him she wanted a divorce, how devastated he'd been, how he'd begged her to reconsider. "Pretty sure I said almost the exact thing to you at one point," he said finally. "Not that it did any good."

Padmé wasn't surprised by this, for she too remembered his words all those months ago; I'm sorry… I know I've changed. War has a way of doing that to a man. But my love for you hasn't changed, Padmé. Surely you know that. Surely you know I'd do anything for you. I can't imagine how I will go on without you in my life...

"So what are you saying, Ani?" she asked. "That it's over? That I destroyed our relationship? Is that fair?"

Anakin shook his head. "I've never said that to you; in fact, you're the one who accused me of that, remember? You're still trying to make me feel like I'm to blame," he said. "I have to wonder why you want me at all considering what a miserable prick I am."

"When did I ever call you that?" she cried.

"Perhaps not in so many words, but your meaning has been crystal clear."

Padmé frowned. "You're being unfair," she said. "Surely the fact that I've come all the way out here tells you something! Surely you can sense how much I love you, even if you don't believe my words."

"I don't know what to believe anymore, Padmé," he said tiredly. "My world has been shattered, my heart has been shattered. It's hard to believe in anything anymore."

Padmé felt a lump in her throat as something occurred to her, something she hadn't considered. Anakin was in a deep depression. She had never seen him this way, and it made her heart ache for him. She walked closer to him, and, tentatively, gently took her face in his hands. "Believe in this," she said softly, and kissed him on the mouth.

Her kiss was unexpected, and Anakin was not prepared for the emotional and physical response it would elicit. But before he knew it, his hands were in her hair as they kissed one another deeply, their bodies reconnecting after such a long separation. But at the back of his mind, the tiny part that was still capable of thinking, he knew that this would only complicate things, and ended the kiss, pressing his forehead to hers as he fought to gain control.

"Ani," she murmured.

He closed his eyes as he summoned the Force to master the lust that coursed through him. It had been months since he'd been with her, months, and would be all too easy to take her on the long kitchen counter that ran along the wall. But that would only make things more difficult when she left, when she changed her mind again, when she pushed him away once more.

"I'm sorry," he said, releasing her and stepping back. "We can't."

Padmé felt tears fill her eyes, for she was just as needy as he was at this point. "Why not? Don't tell me you don't want me, I know you better than that."

"I'm not denying that," he said. "But I don't think we ought to bring that into the picture, it would only serve to muddle things."

She frowned. "Muddle things? What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means I don't know what the future holds," he said. "It means I don't know if I can trust you with my heart just now. I'm not saying I ever will again…it's just that I'm in a bad place right now. I can't risk such a huge emotional toll, I know it would mess me up even more. I'm sorry, Padmé."

"I'm sorry too," she said sadly. She turned to pick up the bag that she'd brought with her, packed with a change of clothing that she'd hoped she'd need. It was looking as though they'd go unneeded. But there was something else in her bag. She pulled out a small recording device, and handed it to him. "I brought this for you," she said. "Turn it on."

Anakin took the device and activated it. At once holographic images of Luke and Leia issued forth, causing Anakin to gasp aloud. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he watched his children virtually growing up before his eyes. He saw them in the bath, playing, heard the sweet baby sounds that they'd been making for a few months. The last bit showed them crawling, big smiles on their faces. Anakin was overwhelmed, and simply covered his face and wept quietly, crushed with the realization of how much he'd missed.

"I didn't want to make you sad," she said, concerned by his reaction. "I only wanted to show you your children in the only way you can see them right now."

Anakin shook his head and wiped his tears. "I'm not sad," he said. "Truly, I'm just…overcome. They are so beautiful," he said, smiling through his tears. "I…I can't wait to see them again."

Padmé smiled. "You will see them soon, I'm sure of it," she said. "It sounds like Rex is making remarkable progress reaching all of the clone legions."

Anakin nodded. "I know he is," he said. "Thank you for this," he said. "It's the best gift you could have given me."

"I'm glad," she said. She took his face in her hands once more, wiping his tears gently with her thumbs. "I will give you the time you need, Ani. I will wait for you for as long as it takes. I love you," she said, and gave him a soft kiss on the mouth. Then she released him, picked up her bag, and walked away.